Saiyuki Fan Fiction ❯ Surviving Under House Arrest ❯ 'The hell? ( Chapter 1 )

This was inspired by another fanfic I read for yugioh. I don't own Saiyuki Reload. To those of you that read `Oh, Crap', it will be updated soon, I just got caught up in another anime since my last update!

 

“Shit, my head hurts…”

“You're telling me; *cough*, what the hell happened?”

“I'm not sure, but I'd like to find out where we are first. I can't see a thing…”

“Aww, man! I was getting hungry too!”

“Dammit, monkey, you stepped on my foot!”

“Well maybe if it wasn't so freaking huge-“

“I think you're confusing my foot with another vital part of my body.”

A short silence ensued, but was quickly broken by Sanzo's snort. “Yeah, maybe your head…”

“HEY, no one was asking you, baldy-“

-Click- “I didn't need your permission to speak, kappa.”

“What, you're gonna try and shoot me in the dark?” Gojyo asked, smirking to himself.

“'Ch. All I have to do is follow your irritating voice, so keep still.”

“Why, you sorry excuse for a monk-“

A sigh was heard. “Yare yare…”

Suddenly the lights turned on, making the Sanzo party groan and squint as their pupils adjusted to the change.

Goku blinked. “We're in a…kitchen?” He blinked again, this time his face lit up considerably. “We're in a kitchen!”

The priest eyed the room wearily. “Like I said before: what the hell happened?”

Gojyo ran a hand through his hair. “The last I remember is playing a game of cards at the local bar. Then I left and ran into a pretty young red head,”

“A hanyou?” Hakkai questioned calmly.

“Nah, she had green eyes, anyway, we went back to her place and well…here I am.”

Goku looked up from the fridge, a pickle dangling from his mouth. “So you just blacked out or somethin'?”

Gojyo shrugged, leaning against a counter top. “I must have…”

Their blond leader rolled his eyes. “How typical.”

A red brow twitched. “Yeah? And where was our oh-so-noble leader before this?”

“If you must know, I was getting a massage. I dozed off and woke up here.”

“Then why are you fully clothed again?”

“As if I could tell you!”

Goku paused in his eating from his spot at the table to chime in. “I was in the hotel's restaurant. The waitress was real nice.” He scratched his head, trying to remember. “Maybe I just fell asleep after eating.”

Their hanyou sweat dropped. “If you were JUST eating, then why are you eating AGAIN?”

Goku scowled. “I'm hungry, dang it! Besides, who knows how long we've all been out of it?”

Hakkai nodded in agreement. “He's right, I'm afraid. I was reading in the hotel room when a woman came up with some tea. She said it was room service and that Sanzo had ordered it.” He nodded at the monk.

Sanzo frowned. “I did no such thing.”

“I thought you might say that. But what gets me is that the woman was also a red head with green eyes. And the tea did taste a bit…off.” This time he threw a look to Gojyo, who smiled sheepishly. “Maybe they were sisters?”

“Hai! My waitress looked like that!” Goku exclaimed enthusiastically.

“So did the masseuse. She gave me tea too, said something about it calming people…”

“Now that you mention it, I did have some kinda drink at her house…”

Sanzo shook his head in aggravation. “This is ridiculous! How could she be in four places at once? Especially if she was only human…”

“With my necklace of course!” Came a feminine voice.

The group looked in all directions, but there was no one else in the room.

Gojyo growled impatiently. “Would you just come out already?” He shouted.

“Here I am.”

All attention was directed to the door, where a young woman had just come through, smiling in a friendly fashion. “Hey, guys.”

Shock ran through the men (and Goku) as they each realized that this was the woman they had been discussing moments before. “I guess you're all wondering why I brought you here-“

“Not really,” Sanzo interjected as he once again held up his gun, ready to put a bullet right between his eyes, “I'm just wondering when we'll get out.”

She pouted. “After the massage I gave you, this is what I get, Sanzo? I thought I meant more to you than that.” She teased. “Although, I'd be happy to give you another one, free of charge.” She winked.

Sanzo nearly blushed, but his gaze remained firm. “Maybe when I see you in hell.”

The intensity of his statement was, however, lessened by the sound of Gojyo's barely repressed giggles in the background. “Dammit, kappa, what is it now?!”

“I'm sorry…” Gojyo held a hand over his mouth. “You're just so fucking bad with women…”

“Urusei, baka!”

Even Hakkai chuckled, although he quickly changed it to a cough when those violet eyes glared his way. Goku glanced periodically at the table where he'd placed his meal, wondering whether or not it was a bad time to keep eating. He snuck a grape, looking everywhere but at people so that he wouldn't be suspected.

The girl, very bravely or stupidly, walked up to Sanzo, gently touching the weapon and pointing it away from her.

He just looked at her incredulously. “Who the hell do you think you are?”

“I'm Emily!” She replied cheerfully. “And just between us,” Her voice dropped to a whisper, “You could stand to be a little nicer.”

Sanzo sweat dropped. “So I've been told…”

“Anyway, I brought you here because I'm just a lonely fan girl who wants to have fun.” She returned to her place in front of the door so she could see everyone.

“What kind of `fun'”? Hakkai inquired.

“All kinds of fun! Here's how it'll work: I'm gonna give you guys challenges, and whoever wins the challenge will be immune from the next challenge, and so on.” She shrugged. “Or I'll just make something up if I get bored!”

“And the point of all this would be…?” Sanzo asked frankly.

“Uh…to help you become stronger as people and as a team…? Heh?”

The room was silent, broken only by Goku gagging as he almost choked on a grape.

“Right. Well then, you guys are free to go anywhere in the house. The exits, and that does include windows, are protected by magic, and it would be unwise to shoot at them because the bullets will bounce off with the same force as they were headed.” She explained, throwing a meaningful look to Sanzo.

“So what's the first challenge?” Goku asked, his golden eyes wide with curiosity.

“I thought you would never ask,” She grinned, “I decided to keep the first one easy, well, fairly easy. Well, knowing you guys…”

Sanzo pinched the bridge of his nose in irritation. “Would you just get on with it, woman?”

“Right! Anyway, there's a reason I brought you all to the kitchen first. You're going to be cooking!”

The only person that didn't appear mortified was Hakkai. Then they abruptly voiced their displeasure at once.

“Are you MAD?! This place will have caved in by the time the kappa's done with it!”

“Oh, like you're one to talk, baldy!”

“I don't cook food, I eat it!”

“Yeah, and by the time we figure out what to cook, there'll be nothing left to thanks to the human vacuum!”

“I'm terribly sorry for their rudeness-“

“OUR rudeness?? She's the one who drugged all of us!”

“Well maybe if our man whore could control himself one time-“

“Don't you dare blame me for this; the rest of you let your guard down too!”

“Don't talk like that to Sanzo, and the rest of us were doing normal things, cock roach!”

“And what I do isn't?”

Emily sat happily in her corner munching on a bag of pop corn.

“No! It's gross!”

“No, eating twice your own weight of pork in one sitting is gross!”

-Click- “Shut up, just shut UP!”

“Make us, monk-“

-BANG-

Their hostess pouted. “Now I have to pay for a hole in the ceiling…”

“I hardly think it's big enough to worry about, compared to what it's gonna do to you.”

“Eeep!” Emily threw some popcorn at Sanzo as a reaction, some of it landing in his mouth.

Goku looked wide eyed at his idol, child like shock etched into his face. “No fair, I want some!”

“Enough!” Now it seemed that Emily was ready for business, her eagerness given away by the struggling grin. “I don't care what you make, but you have to put at least an ounce of thought into it-Teehee, get it? Ounce of thought? And you're cooking?” Crickets could be heard in the back ground, making her blush and continue. “Anyway, you shall be judged on creativity, taste, and…that's it. Oh, and for every challenge you guys have, I'll be bringing a special guest to help me judge, alright? You all have two hours-see ya then!”

“WAIT, if the monkey's eaten half the food, how are we supposed to make anything worthy?” Hakkai asked, genuinely concerned about this dilemma.

Emily disappeared for a moment, reappearing with large paper bags in her hand. “Well, I thought of that, so I went shopping before coming! Aren't I a wonderful hostess?”

Only Hakkai smiled as he took the groceries, and with one last pout Emily left for good.

The room was silent, save for Hakkai's scurrying for ingredients and supplies. He soon noticed the others and their lack of enthusiasm. “Well? You should all get started, too!”

Gojyo sweat dropped. “We already know you're gonna win this, `Kai, so I don't see the point in it.”

Sanzo was brooding in the corner. “This is why I hate women. And kappas.”

Gojyo frowned. “Nani?!”

“You heard me,” Came the cool reply.

“Dammit, monk, that's it; I may not be able to out cook Hakkai, but I KNOW I can beat your sorry ass any day!” More clanking around was heard as Gojyo joined Hakkai to begin making a concoction of his own.

An infuriated Sanzo stamped his foot. “Enough! If the only way to get out of this hell hole is to get through these stupid contests, then I might as well put the water sprite to shame in them all.” And he joined Hakkai and Gojyo.

Goku pouted, obviously not wanting to join any of this, but seeing as he would be the only one left and with nothing to do he stood up and curiously peered around for something to make as well.

 

 

And little did they know…that the first chapter is over. Chaos shall occur in the next. Hope you liked it; it's fun writing so far so I'll probably update soon if anyone wants. Please review!