Sakura Wars Fan Fiction ❯ The Odd and the Weird ❯ The Dressing Tube: Kanna ( Chapter 1 )

[ P - Pre-Teen ]

Author's Notes:
I had long been bothered about several things in the Sakura Taisen game when I played it on the Sega Saturn a few years back. Playing it again on the PS2 brought back my obsession for this series... along with all its random weirdness. So I came up with this fic, just to express my thoughts on what happened to the characters of Sakura Taisen when they first encountered these odd events that the game took for granted.

Special thanks to Lando (Kayama), who had translated the entire game during its Sega days. I wouldn't have enjoyed the game as much as I had if it wasn't for his helpful notes.

Disclaimer: Sakura Taisen is owned by Sega and Red Entertainment. I am not making a profit out of this fanfic, but still, this particular story is mine, so please don't take it.

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The Odd and the Weird
 
Chapter 1

"The Dressing Tube: Kanna"


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"And over here is the location of the tubes," Sakakibara Yuri said.

Kirishima Kanna, the first member of the newly formed Teikoku Kagekidan Hanagumi to arrive at the (1)Dai Teikoku Gekijou, paused inside the room and noted the round metal lids covering several sections of the semi-circular wall. The interior of the area was quite a contrast compared to the rest of the theater - there was virtually nothing in it except for those lids, and the entire perimeter was colored with a drab gray. No wonder the place was hidden so well, so much in fact that one couldn't see it even if he had a bird's eye view of the entire Teigeki floor plan.

Kanna turned to her tour guides, the three theatre administration girls known as the (2)Teigeki Sannin Musume, and gave them her huge, trademark grin. "So... what's this place for? Do we throw our garbage down there, or something?"

Yuri and Takamura Tsubaki giggled, where as Fuji'i Kasumi politely covered her smile with her hand. "No," Tsubaki answered after the last of her giggles had dissipated. "This is where you jump into in times of emergency."

"Jump down?"

"These tubes lead directly into the briefing room below," Kasumi explained. "I believe the logic was that sliding down these shafts would be faster than running down the stairs."

"Makes sense," Kanna agreed, opening one of the lids to take a closer look...

Her eyes widened. "Hold on a sec. These aren't slides! There's not enough angle!"

Kasumi shrugged. "The faster you fall, the faster you get there."

"Yeah, sure. And then you land with broken bones! I'd rather take the stairs!"

Yuri shook her head. "You can't," she said. "Going down these tubes is required."

"Why?"

"Because they have your uniform in it."

"What uniform?"

Tsubaki giggled again. "The uniform you should wear when piloting the koubu, silly!"

Kanna scratched her head. "So let me get this straight. They expect us to jump down these killer tubes, grab our uniforms along the way, try to dress up in that tight space while falling down in the speed of gravity, and come up at the briefing room unscathed, fully clothed, without any injuries whatsoever?"

"Well... not exactly," Kasumi said.

"There's more?!"

"Not really. It's just that the clothing part is... well... automatic."

Kanna looked even more confused.

Tsubaki tried to explain. "We're assuming that... automatic means that you don't have to do anything about changing your clothes, because something in there does it for you."

"The Kazegumi never really needed to get to the briefing room as fast as possible, so we take the normal route," Kasumi added. "We were only told about that particular automatic function in the tube so that we would be aware of it, but we never tried it ourselves."

A vein in Kanna's forehead began to twitch. "Are... are these things actually tested?"

The three girls in front of him shrugged. Yuri had a wicked gleam in her eye. "Do you want to try?"

"Huh?"

Yuri rushed forward to push Kanna into the open hole, but Kanna was too quick. She swung the lid she held upwards and quickly moved forward a bit, causing Yuri to miss and fall on the floor. Kanna laughed heartily.

"You can't play a trick like that on the current master of Kirishima Ryuukyuu Kara-"

BONG!!!

Now, all hinges has its limits, and this one was no exception. With the force of gravity guiding it on its trek back to its original position, the heavy lid encountered an obstacle in the form of Kirishima Kanna, its force sending her sprawling into the hole Yuri had wanted to push her into in the first place.

The Teigeki Sannin Musume peeked into the abyss from which they could hear Kanna screaming of bloody murder.

"The lid is dangerous if left in manual control... better tell the manager about that..." Kasumi noted.

"Yuri, if I were you, I would ask to be relocated to somewhere far, far away... right at this very instant," Tsubaki whispered.

Yuri nodded very slowly, before Kasumi closed the lid, and the three silently walked away, as if nothing had ever happened.

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Lieutenant-General Yoneda Ikki, better known as "manager" to the people inside the Teigeki, was in the briefing room, looking at the portraits that covered the holes where the Hanagumi members were expected to appear after their brief ride down the dressing tube. He was proud of this "short-cut" - it was one of his better suggestions when the grand theatre was still in its blueprint stages, and he was quite sure it would save them valuable time... time needed to defeat the evil that was growing within Teito Tokyo.

He was concentrated so much on its benefits that he didn't think too much about the people who would actually use it. So when one portrait went up and Kanna - in her uniform - shot out of the hole hidden behind it and landed on her behind, he didn't expect to see her dazed, wide-eyed, and totally speechless.

"Ahh! You must be Kanna!" Yoneda said, a little too cheerfully. "So, how was your trip down the dressing tube? Pretty unique, don't you think?"

Kanna took one look at Yoneda before she promptly fainted.
--Tsuzuki--

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Story Notes:
(1) - "Great Imperial Theatre", nicknamed "Teigeki"
(2) - "The 3 Daughters of Teigeki", consisting of Kasumi, Tsubaki, and Yuri