SD Gundam Fan Fiction ❯ A cameo, a curse, and an endless stream of noncannon nonsense ❯ In which Baku and Zero start the day with a fight ( Chapter 1 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

Chapter one: In which Baku and Zero start the day with a fight.
(Disclaimer: I do not own SD Gundam Force or The Legend of Zelda and all related characters. SDGF is owned by Sunrise and Ganondorf is owned by Nintendo. Just so you know.)
It all started out as a perfectly normal day for Shute. Which isn't saying much, since he lives with an expressionless military officer, an overdramatic magic-using Knight, a hot-headed Samurai prone to temper tantrums, an annoyingly ditzy friend obsessed with cakes, and a dad who's locked up in his workshop half the time writing songs (as far as Shute knows). Anyway, it was the start of summer vacation, the sun was shining, the grass was soft, it was a perfect 32 degrees Celsius, a slight breeze blew from the nearby sea, and Shute was laying on the grass, slurping iced tea, and thinking that today, for once, nothing could possibly go wro-
Zero: Do you have brain damage?! The lungs do not work that way!
Nevermind. Anyways, Shute, jolted back to reality by the sounds of Bakunetsumaru and Zero getting into another fight, decided to go and head them off before they could gain any momentum.
Baku: How do you know? You don't even have lungs!
Zero: Neither do you, imbecile. And even if you did, t'would kill you either way!
Shute: Uh, guys, what the heck are you arguing abou-
Baku: Oh, really? Then give me a minute to borrow Keiko-san's vacuum cleaner and we'll test that theory of yours!
Shute: o_0 …. On second thought, I don't wanna know.
The next moment, Keiko and Captain (in civilian mode, of course. This is way before Captain's battle with Sazabi) exited the house carrying a pitcher of freshly-made iced raspberry tea to the deck table.
Keiko: Don't want to know what? Oh, hello, Zero! When did you arrive?
Captain: Greetings, Shute, Zero, Bakunetsumaru. What's this about a vacuum cleaner?
Zero: (rounds on Captain) There you are! Please tell this fool of a Gundam that sticking the tube-thingy on a vacuum cleaner into a person's lungs and turning it on will not result in the persons innards being sucked out!
Shute: O_o (backs away from Baku and edges behind Captain)
Captain: Bakunetsumaru, that is physically impossible. The only thing that would result would be lung collapse.
Zero: 7_7 See?
Baku: That's stupid! Keiko-san, get me your vacuum cleaner so I can prove that I'm right!
Keiko: … Okay, if you need it that badly, then. (goes back inside)
Shute: O_O (backs away from Baku even more)
Zero: Enough, fool, you are frightening Shute.
Baku: I wasn't going to test it on him! I was going to do it on a homeless guy! Noone would notice if he died!
Captain: …You speak as if you have already obtained this homeless person, Bakunetsumaru.
Baku: Yep! He's right here! (Pulls a homeless man wearing a collar and leash from behind his back) I call him squishy and he is my squishy!
Zero: O_O You moron! You cannot keep a human as a pet!
Baku: Awww, but the Chief says I'm not allowed to have a doggie!
Shute: Well, you still have Entengo, don't you?
Baku: 9_9 Yeah, but have you ever tried getting a robotic horse to sit or roll over?
Captain: Wrap it up, guys, a dimensional gate just opened nearby.
Shute: Aw, man! And I thought nothing bad would happen today!
Zero: Those fiends thought to catch us off guard! They shall taste bitter defeat by my hands!
Baku: Yeah, yeah, save the Shakespeare fierfek for the Dark Axis! (Rushes off) Onward!!!
Captain: ….. It's the other way, Bakunetsumaru.
Baku: (Rushing past Captain in the opposite direction) Right, I knew that! Onward!!!
Zero shakes his head as him and the others go after Baku.
Zero: I shall never understand that Gundam, no matter how hard I try.
Shute: Join the club.
Zero: There is an organization of people who shall never understand Baku?
Shute: T.T' It's a figure of speech.
Zero: Ah (still confused)
Keiko exits the house again, a small vacuum cleaner in her hand.
Keiko: Here's the vacuum cleaner, Bakunetsumaru. What did you need it for again? (Suddenly notices everyone is gone) Huh. I guess they got tired of waiting. Ah, well. Their loss.
She turns the vacuum cleaner on and clamps the nozzle over her head, squealing with glee.
Captain, Zero, and Shute finally catch up with Baku, who has already arrived at the site of the dimensional gate, only to find that, instead of the Dark Axis Trio, they're facing…
Zero: Tallgeese?! What in the name of Mana?!
Baku: And who the heck is that guy standing next to him?
Yep. For completely unknown reasons, Tallgeese has appeared in Neotopia, and beside him was none other than…
Shute: Hey, wait a minute! You're that Gannydorp guy from my grampa's old video game!
Ganondorf: Insolent boy! My name is Ganondorf Dragmire; Ruler of Hyrule!
Shute: Actually, in the game, you totally got your butt handed to you when-
Tallgeese: Enough! I have summoned this powerful sorcerer from another world for the sole purpose of destroying you all!
Baku: Oh, sure, `cuz your last plan worked wonders, too.
Zero: Wait, how did you manage to get here, anyways?
Tallgeese: Random Spell.
Shute: Umm, I don't see how using a spell selected completely at random would manage to get you here.
Zero: No, Shute, he's talking about the Random Spell! A spell with completely random effects! The wild card of the Mana world!
Tallgeese: With my superior spell-casting skills-
Ganondorf: (under his breath) -and an insane amount of luck-
Tallgeese: 7_7 -I managed to get the spell to teleport us to Neotopia, so we could finish you off!
Shute: Whatever! If a gender confused elf could finish off Gunnyspork-
Ganondorf: It's Ganondorf!
Shute: -then the four of us can easily wipe you two off the map!
Tallgeese: I'd like to see you try! Random Spell! (His armor turns a bright pink color) Aw, for the love of Mana! Random Spell! (Pigs start falling from the sky) Son of a Mmn! Random Spell!!!
While Tallgeese was busy trying to get the Random Spell to do something at least halfway-satisfactory to the Gundam Force, Ganondorf had rushed Captain and was now engaging him in a sword fight.
Ganondorf: You'll never defeat me! Not while I hold the Triforce of Power!
Captain: We shall see about that, Dragmire.
Shute watched from the sidelines, cheering Captain on.
Shute: Yeah! Go Captain! Knock that Gronnyplorp outta town!
Ganondorf: >___<+ (Rounds on Shute) MY NAME IS GANONDO-
Ganondorf gets hit in the head by a round kick from Captain, sending him flying a few feet away.
Shute: Yeah! You go, Gundam!
Tallgeese: (Now covered head to toe in eviction notices) GRAAAAAH!!!! RANDOM SPELL!!!!!
He sends a beam of multi-colored energy flying towards Shute, who, for plot purposes, fails to notice.
Zero: Shute!
Captain: NO!!!
Captain rushes over to Shute and places himself in the blast's path, ultimately getting hit by it and knocked several kilometers back, making a sizeable dent in Shute's house.
Shute: CAPTAIN!!!
Tallgeese: O.O It actually worked…?
Ganondorf: You're surprised?
Tallgeese: Uh, no! I knew it was going to work! I, uh, was just taken aback that the spell would be so forceful!
Ganondorf: 9__9' Whatever. Now, let's go while they're distracted with their comrade!
And as the two villains run off, Shute, Zero, and Baku run back to Shute's house to help Captain.