Slam Dunk Fan Fiction ❯ Sakuragi Is Sick ❯ What Am I To Do? ( Chapter 2 )

Title: Sakuragi Is Sick

Author: Optimistic_Pessimist, a.k.a. Seraph_Kirin

Pairing/s: RuHana

Rating: -

Status: On-Going

Genre: Multi-Chaptered

Chapter: 2/6

Email: seraph_kirin@hotmail.com

Disclaimers: All Disclaimers Apply.

Archive: SDBC, Fanfiction.net and Fandomination.net... that's about it I think.

Author's Notes: This has been re-edited by me and re-posted under the same title... This should be done in 6 chapters so...

LEGEND:

Bold words can be found in the translation section at the end. If there are any mistakes in the translation, email me at: izumi1985@hotmail.com

[Words] represents Sakuragi's thoughts.

[Bold] represent Rukawa's. Italics for the babble, the same goes for emphasis and translatable words...

Needless to say… this is a RuHana fic… so enjoy, you yaoi fans…
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Chapter Two: What Am I To Do?

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*****RUKAWA*****

Rukawa avoided Sakuragi's prying eyes. [Damn...]

He could feel the said eyes boring holes into the side of his head.

For that single moment alone, he felt his chest tighten and the very air around seemed bent on suffocating him.

He couldn't think, much less breathe, the fear inside of him making him aware of the near claustrophobic small area that seemed to increasingly enclose upon the two of them on the narrow staircase in Sakuragi's home.

[How could I be so careless as to let slip my... want... no... need for him?] Rukawa cursed whoever was up there who particularly enjoyed seeing him in a quandary under his breath.

They continued to stay that way for some time, one staring at the railing as it were the most fascinating thing in the world, the other scrutinizing the former as if he were on the very verge of some amazing discovery.

Feeling that prickly feeling at the side of his head finally disappear after an uncomfortable silence which was pregnant with tension, Rukawa turned to face Sakuragi once more... only to find that the latter had tricked him into believing that his attention had been averted elsewhere.

He had finally met that quizzical pair of chocolate-coloured eyes.

Sakuragi stared at the boy next to him for a few more seconds before turning away, writing off Rukawa's Out Of Character behaviour as part and parcel of the baka Kitsune's personality.

Rukawa relaxed his previously rigid posture slightly, thankful that the boy had not asked.

[Luckily for me...] He stole a glance at the now averted head of Sakuragi as he concentrated on the task at hand so that he could get rid of Rukawa a.s.a.p.

[He doesn't seem to have noticed yet...] The raven head let out a small sigh of relief.

Then he frowned slightly at the corresponding sense of loss he felt with regard to Sakuragi's obvious and (to him) too-flippant dismissal of him.

It was ironic, really.

On one hand, he didn't want Hanamichi to find out because he was afraid of the answer he would get.

On the other, he wanted the red head to find out so that he would never have to hide his feelings for him ever again.

Ironic.

How truly very ironic.

**********

They finally reached the 2nd floor of the house.

It was a miracle that they had taken only 5 minutes, given the distance between the living room and the staircase and the numerous and seemingly long stretches of stillness (to the boys) between the two boys, and considering the many accidents they had when one of them shifted their weight unexpectedly on the steps (not that Rukawa didn't welcome the times when Sakuragi accidentally pressed against him...)

Making their way to the door that Sakuragi indicated as to his room, Rukawa opened the door... revealing a teenager's room.

The sheer spaciousness of the room took his breath away.

The room itself was definitely more than 20 tatami mats wide.

Yet... there was a cosiness that he could not describe.

It was as if the entire personality of Sakuragi was confined within one single room...

In here something spoke of the character of the person residing the house.

In here there were signs of life and the little signature marks of Sakuragi everywhere.

In here he sensed Sakuragi's presence in every corner.

The room in question boasted of a variety of colours that were strong but yet... restrained.

He similarly restrained himself from smiling at that thought. After all, given enough provocation, Sakuragi would still be able to garner enough strength to throw him out, even if the trip back up those stairs killed him.

The warmth and strength gently restrained within the creamy coral walls that enclosed the room. The closets were a rich milky-white, matching the unbidden contours of the room.

The stark ebony of the bookcases that were arranged in the row along the line of the right wall made a bold contrasting statement declaring that he was an individual that they should take notice of.

He did a double take though, at the sight of all the books in order (that's right... even his SCHOOLBOOKS...)

There was the restful chestnut brown of the study table alongside the left side of the room that Sakuragi used for his schoolwork, depicting a... more relaxed state of mind, of an individual who knew what he wanted and saw no need for haste while working towards his goal in mind. A swivelling chair completed the scene.

Scattered liberally within a display case next to the desk and on the few shelves above the said desk were a number of photographs. He moved towards the former, being closer to be than the desk, and ran his eyes over those few pictures that Sakuragi kept for himself.

There was one depicting a junior- high Haruko, another the more recent high-school Haruko. Rukawa noted with a certain detachment (and jealousy) that the frames used for the Haruko pictures were of a classier type as compared to most of the photo frames in the same case.

The third showed a younger Sakuragi Gundam together with a younger-looking Sakuragi. Rukawa also noted with a certain envy that Youhei had placed his arm around Sakuragi's neck (both were seated) in an easy gesture of friendship.

How our poor Kitsune wished to switch positions with Youhei!

If only he had met the red head sooner...

If only there was no Akagi Haruko in this world...

If only he was the one whom Sakuragi trusted the most...

If only he was the reason why Sakuragi started playing basketball...

If only...

Rukawa closed his eyes, smothering the very same urge that we all experience at times, to cry. In his case however, he succeeded in doing so.

If he couldn't be Sakuragi's lover, he could be a friend to the red head, couldn't he...?

He would be able to stay by the red head's side at the very least, even if he would never be able to somehow dig up the courage to confess, right...?

He would be able to watch the red head grow into adulthood, to watch him mature and to, at least, share some part of his life with him, right...?

Of course, there was the slight problem of a straight Sakuragi... who would still be attracted to other girls, or other guys if he ever turned out gay but even then , the possibility of that need of his to receive fully reciprocated love from the red head still so... impossible, so... distant.

Rukawa flinched slightly at the bolt of pain that passed through him at that thought. [Other people... just never me.]

It was somewhere along this trend of thought that Rukawa noticed a specially enlarged photo of the Shohoku Basketball Team, the one that they had taken in their freshman year after the Sannoh match.

Rukawa paused for a moment in front of the said picture, his previous gloom slightly lifted by the recollection of the fond past that they shared, smiling ever-so-slightly at the memory of the first time he and the red head ACTUALLY worked together.

Turning his head slightly to catch the faint reflection of the redhead off the glass of the display case, he watched the red head settle down somewhere behind him, pointedly staring back at him.

Of course, he wasn't that sure that the red head was looking at him. [Especially since he would dearly like to throw me out of his house...]

Rukawa turned back to the display case, his movements fluid as if he had never sneaked a look at Sakuragi. He suppressed the small, bitter smile that fought to surface. [... What else should I expect from him?]

Sighing softly, he ran his eyes over the remaining photographs in the display case... only to stop on a particular photo. [What's this?]

It was also a picture taken of a couple in their late thirties with a child Sakuragi. The setting was simple. It appeared to be just another family scene taken at the carnival nearby.

[They looked so happy...] Rukawa noted, a sense of wistfulness welling up inside of him. [It must be a family photo... if so... they must be Sakuragi's parents...]

Rukawa narrowed his eyes. The picture had reminded him of the questions that he kept at the back of his mind ever since he stepped into the red head's home. [...]

Moving on to the next picture, he did a double take. His eyes widened involuntarily.

[Wha-?] He simply could not believe his eyes. He picked up the frame for a closer look.

Upon closer inspection, his worst suspicions were confirmed.

At that very moment in time, he wanted to storm his way up to the seated-and-glaring-at-him red head and demand an explanation in a jealous rage.

What is a picture of Sendoh doing in the ahou's room?

The offending picture in question was of Sakuragi and Sendoh together, with arms around each other like good ol' pals, smiling as if there was nothing in the world to trouble them.

Arms over each other's shoulders.

Smiling.

Looking so happy to be together.

[Looking...] Rukawa's shoulders slumped. [... so goddamned right.]

He made up his mind there and then to question Sakuragi later on his relationship with Sendoh, the flare of his jealousy was such that he could not tolerate the thought of any other man near his "innocent and naïve" redhead. But being mindful of the redhead's tantrums with regard to things that did not concern the Kitsune, Rukawa swallowed his resentment and jealousy, not wanting to give the redhead any valid reason to make him leave.

(Seraph: I'm just kidding... diehard fans of Sendoh need not worry...)

He gave the picture just one particularly potent last glare, condemning it to some place worse than hell itself. (Let's just say that if Sendoh was there in the flesh, he'd have died an instantaneous death...) Then he returned to his approving appraisal of the ahou's room.

Draped haphazardly over the arm of the only chair in the room was Sakuragi's uniform. A gleaming computer stood dignified at a corner of the table, proof of constant use, as the cds lay in piles, not unlike soldiers guarding a castle, around it. He vaguely registered that most of the cds gathered there weren't games like Diablo and Half-life, but were, in fact, intellectually challenging games like Word-Search and Mental Maths.

[They say a person's room reflects his character... Well, I'm certainly learning a lot more about Hanamichi...]

Thinking so, he continued his observation of the room, not noticing that Sakuragi was now watching Rukawa with increased suspicion in his eyes.

The floor was neat as a new pin. It was devoid of any stray items like dumbbells and books, etc. Taking note of what he was standing on, he noted that the floor was covered with veneered wood, unlike the normal tatami mats that were usually found in the homes of many Japanese. Right in the centre of the room was a small but circular low table, of which was resting on a velvety (vaguely Turkish really...) carpet of a similar design with only just enough space for people to sit on it.

The only windows of the room were directly opposite the door and were opened. They were not covered with curtains, unlike the rooms downstairs. The view outside was fantastic. It looked out over the seaside and had a most scenic view of the evening sunset. That brought him to what was UNDER the windows...

He gulped. Great. A bed.

King-sized, with a silk quilt, plump pillows. Plainly covered with downy milky-coffee coloured bedclothes. The duvet was open at the edge nearest to them. It all looked very... welcoming.

King-sized bed.

Big enough to hold two healthy and tall males.

[The bed looks so comfortable...]

*Visible gulp*

[I am NOT here to think about this.] He warned himself, holding his over- reactive hormones in bay.

[But you can't deny that you do want to...] A traitorous voice in his mind whispered.

That stumped him. Damn that cunning voice, he did want to take Hanamichi in THAT bed for HIS OWN.

[No... not now...] A flush was climbing high on his cheeks. It was getting harder to refuse what his body wanted so badly for so long. [He's ill, sick... this is not exactly the right time to be thinking of this...]

[Yeah, right. If he were well, he'd throw YOU out without a single thought. It is precisely the fact that he is ill that you should take him.] That annoying little upstart of a voice inside his head sounded suspiciously like a certain know-it-all.

[I can't... he's sick...] His protest sounded weak even to himself.

[When can you find a more perfect time than now?] The demon's temptation indeed.

[I can tell him whenever I want!] THAT he knew was untrue but he was desperate for a defence, any KIND would suffice, against that faithless voice.

[If that is true, why did you come here only today of all days? Isn't it a coincidence that you only visit Hana-kun when he's down and out?]

[He's my team-mate for God's sake! Doesn't it make sense that I should visit him?]

[You could have given your well wishes to Haruko... you don't even need to come personally just to tell him "Get Well Soon"...] The voice taunted Rukawa, apparently amused by the discomfort it was eliciting from the raven head. [I, for one, certainly didn't see you doing the same for Kogure...]

At this, he remained silent. After all, he could not refute what was, in fact, the truth. He didn't have to go thru all the trouble of coming down all the way to Hanamichi's house at all. He could've just handed what he wanted to say to the Ahou over to Haruko. In this aspect at least, that little voice was correct.

[If your intentions were so... honourable, why haven't you visited him so far despite knowing EXACTLY why he lived from day one in the basketball team?]

[Why indeed...]

"Oi, Kitsune, what's on your mind?" This came from an unusually passive Sakuragi, tired of watching the former scout out the confines of his room.

His mind finally registered that Sakuragi had been watching him intently without a word ever since they stepped in this room.

He knew that the redhead, for the sake of any sudden movement that might prove to lead to his (?) downfall, scrutinized his every movement closely.

He knew that Sakuragi was dying to throw him out of his house... the only things stopping him was one, the fact that he didn't have any strength to forcefully evict Rukawa, and two, simple courtesy. He sensed that it was more due to the former reason that he was still in the house than the latter.

[What should I say?] Rukawa panicked, searching his totally blank mind for a topic to discuss about. [Nope, scratch that. What CAN I say?]

Just then, the sudden movement of Sakuragi caught his attention.

[What is that Ahou trying to do now?] He sighed before turning back to face the redhead, all romantic (and perverted) notions gone now.

*****SAKURAGI*****

He had watched the fox look through his things, sensing that it was mere curiosity that spurred the fox to stare around his room this long.

He frowned.

[What is that fox doing?] He was watching Rukawa run his eyes over the few snapshots that he possessed. [Why is he looking at that particular shot so closely with such interest?]

Then it hit him as he watched Rukawa pick up the said photograph.

[That's the shot I took with Sendoh...] He ground his teeth. [How dare he touch my things without asking the Tensai first? That's called 'invasion of privacy,' you baka kitsune!]

But he gave up the notion trying to strangle the said fox.

After all, he was more than a little exhausted.

In fact, he felt completely drained of his usual strength. [Just you wait 'til I get well...]

[Eh? Why is the fox looking so flustered all of a sudden… why? He's just looking at… my bed?]

Sakuragi blanched. His eyes narrowed with deep mistrust.

[What can he be thinking about that will make him blush at the sight of my bed?]

He shook his head vigorously, catching the eye of Rukawa.

"... Ahou, you should be resting now..." Rukawa came nearer to him, his hands ready to support Sakuragi to his bed for some rest.

Sakuragi set his face grimly, his dislike for the fox evident. "Since when did you start to care, huh? Kitsune?"

He ignored the abrupt tensing of Rukawa's previously relaxed body at the accusing tone in that same question. "If I remembered correctly, we are supposed to be enemies."

Pain flashed but for a brief moment in Rukawa's eyes. Perhaps it would be better for him if Sakuragi had caught sight of that hidden pain, or if he had the courage to become more expressive... But things never go the way they are when it matters the most to the people involved, and Sakuragi missed that flicker of pain in Rukawa's eyes and Rukawa could not, for the life of him, find the courage that he faced better opponents than Sakuragi with.

"You hate me, don't you? Perhaps even look down on me as well?" He taunted the silent boy, who was dodging his steady gaze.

*****RUKAWA*****

You hate me, don't you?

Perhaps even look down on me as well?

[You aren't. You are my only dream, my whole world, the only one that I would give anything and everything in this world to have.]

That very nearly shot out but he swallowed it whole, not daring to imagine the disgust that Sakuragi would look at him with if he heard that.

It hurt.

It hurt to know that the redhead viewed him as an uncaring person but he knew he deserved it.

He had deserved the biasness and bitterness he'd received from the red head.

He HAD criticised him all the time. So badly that he knew that the redhead would be deeply hurt by his unfair barbs.

[Surely you know that I don't mean half of what I say…]

He would've laughed at the thought at the very first instance it came to him if not for the fact that the situation was not even remotely funny. [As if… he doesn't even know about the feelings I have for him… he doesn't know that I burn for him… heck, he doesn't even know that I LOVE HIM!]

He lowered his head, resigned, as he mechanically ushered Sakuragi towards the bed, ignoring the weak physical (and verbal, but he wasn't registering them anyway…) protests. He tucked the red head into the bed, an example of exactly what he would do to a sick child, ensuring that the red head would not be uncomfortable in any way.

After reassuring himself that the red head was in no harm from any one but him, he pulled the chair Sakuragi was previously sitting on closer to the bed.

Staring blankly at the floor with nothing else better to do, and yet still too afraid to face Sakuragi, Rukawa sighed once more. A deep heavy sigh. One that even Sakuragi with his obvious lack of observation skills couldn't miss.

"Oi, Kitsune," The concerned tone in the redhead's voice struck him. "Are you ok?"

Startled by the red head's voice (he'd assumed that the said red head went to sleep immediately after he tucked him in...), Rukawa blinked rapidly, his mind trying frantically to focus on what the red head had just said.

Finally registering Sakuragi's question, he nodded his head, for lack of a better way to express himself.

[I've never been better...] He thought as he looked into twin pools of warm chocolate that reminded him of warmth and... forbidden sweetness.

*****SAKURAGI*****

Sakuragi looked at the midnight blue eyes of the pale boy.

Was it possible for blue eyes to turn so close to black?

As if to answer his question, the said eyes darkened even more with an indescribable emotion that was quickly checked and held in bay. Those same eyes were quickly averted as Rukawa straightened his body and sat in the now vacated chair (let's remember the chair also held Sakuragi's uniform…)

Rukawa belatedly realized that the chair still held Hanamichi's uniform, so he stared at it stupidly, wondering what to do with it.

"Just dump it on the table, kitsune," Sakuragi said, noting Rukawa's discomfort.

Rukawa did as he was told. There was nothing else to do but to follow Sakuragi's instructions anyway.

Silence reigned in the room.

Both boys were uncertain of what to say. Sakuragi had regretted his earlier outburst. Rukawa had not shown much after he'd spilt out some of the most intense of his resentments against Rukawa.

Shifting slightly, Sakuragi decided to lie down, feeling his giddiness increase by the second. The incessant pounding in his head wasn't much help either. He stretched out on his bed, too tired to draw the covers over himself, too sick to care about what Rukawa thought about his lack of manners.

[That feels a lot better...] The pounding in his head slowed to a dull throb. [Much better...]

He heard a sharp intake of breath beside him and opened his eyes. [What now...?]

He stared into a pair of the bluest eyes he'd ever seen... and an expression on Rukawa's face that he didn't think that he'd ever forget.

[Is that... desire that I see?]

[No... I must be imagining things...]

[His eyes... when did they...?]

[When had they become expressive? ]

[When did they... lose that iciness that so distinguished them from others...?]

[When did they become... beautiful?]

He very nearly forgot how to breathe; the look in Rukawa's eyes had suddenly intensified to an unbearable pitch. He'd never seen such an expression on Rukawa's face before.

[He looks... beautiful...]

Realising what he just thought, he gave himself a mental punch. [Baka! Baka! Baka! What the heck are you thinking? How can a MALE be beautiful? You, the Tensai, should know better than to praise an enemy!]

A movement from the corner of his eye alerted him to the change in the position of Rukawa.

Nevertheless, he was still shocked when Rukawa suddenly appeared beside him, placing his face in close proximity with him.

"Ru... Rukawa..." He couldn't think, not when the eyes that had unsettled him were so close to him.

"Do'ahou."

That was the last thing he heard before Rukawa claimed his lips...

TBC
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Author's notes: That was just for the lack of a better way to cut off a chapter… See you around! Oh yes, flames are welcome.

Japanese Translations
Tatami: Reed mats usually used as flooring in Jap houses.
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