Slayers Fan Fiction ❯ Slayers: Knightfall ❯ chapter 32 ( Chapter 33 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

Slayers: Knightfall
 
Chapter Thirty-Two
 
“DRAGON SLAVE! DRAGON SLAVE! DRAGON SLAVE! And once more, DRAAAGON SLAAAAVE!” Crimson flames traced their colorful ways to the explosive end of several snowcapped granite peaks. What's a mountain range or two to vent my frustrations and sorrows? Creating red trails of light leading to the fiery multi-megaton blasts can be quite cathartic, especially under the pale moonlight so soon after the rain.
 
Too bad it isn't working as well as I had hoped. Here I thought Dragon Slaves fixed EVERYTHING.
 
I was a several hundred feet off the ground via Raywing and several miles away from camp. I was alone, wet, and miserable and needed something, anything to take my mind off what I did not more than half a day ago.
 
What did I do? I, well, really put a serious crimp on my relationship with Gourry and it was one hundred percent my fault, no filler. I was feeling almost as low as when my family was killed, in fact, I nearly put an end to starting a family of my own. But at least I wasn't moping around like last time I was depressed. I promised myself that I wouldn't do that anymore and for once I feel like I really needed to start changing for the better or else lose everything I hold dear.
 
I heard somebody passing through the breeze but I didn't feel any malevolent intent so I relaxed my guard, perhaps, somewhere deep in my mind, I wanted somebody to share my depression with. Preferably Riksfalto: she can stand take the brunt of a lot of my frustrations.
 
“So this where you went off to, Lina,” scolded the chirpy second princess of Seyruun as she floated up to join me. She sounded a tad peeved. Oh yeah, I was supposed to have chitchat with her and Zel a few hours ago. “Not a very subtle calling card,” she commented, eying my handy work with an arched eyebrow. The fires were casting an orange and red glow on her raven hair, even from this far away.
 
“Whoops, I guess I forgot about you guys, heheh.” Not really, but saying I didn't feel like dealing with anyone would be too much like the old me.
 
I must've sounded moodier than I had thought as Amelia's concern'o'meter went off the charts. It's true; she has the gauges installed in her eyeballs. “What's wrong? Is the baby-!?”
 
“The kid is fine, Amelia,” I cut her off, not wanting to think what she was going to say. “Despite my best efforts. What's not fine is Gourry and me.”
 
“Oh no! What happened? Did you two fight over blue pig jerky again?”
 
“I wish,” I stared out at the fires my wanton destruction caused, vaguely wondering how manly animals I had just barbequed as I patted my growling stomach. “I-,” I started but couldn't quite finish.
 
Push it out! Do you want to change for the better or not? Or is emotional limbo so fun a game?
 
I swallowed my pride in all its bitter ickiness. “Am really that selfish, Amelia?”
 
“Well . . .,” she floundered, looking away and scratching her cheek as if she were trying to find the best way to say “Hell yeah, you are!”.
 
“Forget I asked. I know the answer,” I sighed heavily. “It's funny, though; all of this time up until now it has never really bitten me in the ass. Well, at least not to this extent.”
 
“He's mad about your picking a fight while pregnant isn't he?” Amelia put a comforting hand on my shoulder. I almost flinched it away. I didn't feel like I deserved hers or anyone else's friendship.
 
Stop it, Lina! STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT! I'll kick your feelings in the junk if I have to!
 
Sorry, me.
 
“Yeah. And he has every right to be. I wasn't thinking at all, as usual. Or, I should say, I wasn't thinking about anybody except Number One. When Nehel goaded me and I challenged him, I just proved that I was all that he thought I was. Didn't give him one reason to prove that I didn't deserve the beating I got from him,” I ran my hand over my face and through my hair as if trying to wipe away the memory. My hand came off sweaty and I noticed that I was trembling. “And here I thought everything would be so much easier once I got the Shard. If anything, it's just made me even more a stubborn, selfish bitch. Now I almost killed my baby and Gourry really doesn't want anything to do with me anymore.” My vision blurred and my arms found Amelia's. I didn't really want to let go, deserving or not, and I felt Amelia pulling us down to the suitably cold and soggy ground.
 
We finally touched down and even as embarrassed as I was I couldn't stop crying. The most powerful non-demonic being in this world and I was sobbing on Amelia's shoulder. Heck, even Uni, who had accompanied Amelia, was looking sorry for me. Needless to say that I felt beyond pathetic, a sniveling little bitch whose power was worth next to nothing unless destroying everything I held dear counted for anything. Which I'm pretty sure didn't.
 
That's IT! WHUMP!
 
OW! You really did kick my feelings there!
 
Want some more?
 
No Ma'am!
 
Yeah, I was in a good mood. I felt like crap, my tunic felt like it was too tight and my face was getting ruddy on top of being twice as hungry than usual.
 
“Lina,” a voice that I wasn't prepared to deal with softly said.
 
Don't run. Face up, Lina. Face up!
 
“Hi, Mil,” I croaked. “Come to gloat have we? Well have a freakin' field day! I deserve it this time.”
 
“Lina!” Amelia admonished.
 
“Do you really believe I came to see you just to do that?” Mil asked. A touch forlornly I might add. “Though I suppose I haven't given you much reason to think otherwise lately, have I?”
 
Huh? That sure didn't sound like gloating.
 
“What's going on?” I really wasn't sure. The golden dragon was acting in a way incomprehensible to my read on the man. “I thought you hated me? Not that I blame you or anything anymore.”
 
Mil took a seat next to Amelia and I couldn't find the energy to flinch away.
 
“I never hated you, Lina. But I was concerned for you and you're barely under control and understood powers that you were bestowed.”
 
“Like I had a choice. If becoming a Knightmare had to mean losing my family I would not had accepted if it were up to me. So far it hasn't even come close to being worth it. In fact, my life has gotten a whole lot shittier ever since that day in Zephillia.”
 
I smiled bitterly. “But then again, that's my life for ya. Lina gets something cool, Lina get something more important taken away. So what do you want, Mr. Milgasia?”'
 
“The same thing I've always wanted; to help you, Lina.”
 
“Help me?” I sputtered. “Last time I checked, you were trying to kill me!” I couldn't help but think of Gourry's skepticism when I told him why I flew the two of us away from Mil and his gang those months ago.
 
“I was never trying to kill you, Lina. I could never do such a thing unless you became something terrible.”
 
Oh, an attempted baby killer not bad enough for ya?
 
. . . Stooop it!
 
“Then what about Stridus? Wasn't he acting on your orders?” Despite myself, I grinned at the memory of the Earth Lord's knight's face as I destroyed the source of his power when he killed me.
 
“I had nothing to do with Stridus's animosity towards you, in fact I tried to steer him towards a less aggressive way of thinking.”
 
“You did a wonderful job.”
 
“But it wasn't meant to be. Stridus was too caught up in his own way of dealing with what he perceived to be heretics.”
 
“Yeah,” I sighed, kissing another one of my arguments goodbye. I liked it better when I was right all of the time. But then again, have I ever been right on my first assumption? “That's pretty much what Langort said. So I guess you're off the hook, Mil.”
 
“Though in a way, you were right about me.”
 
“What's that supposed to mean? That had better not be another one of your poor jokes, scaly!”
“You were under an enormous deal of stress, Lina,” Mil explained. “Your new powers taking a toll, near constant fighting, the death of your family. I was foolish not to take any of that into account in my rush to gain your help.
 
“I should've known that I may had been making your situation seem hopeless by pressing to hard.”
 
“Maybe. Maybe not. Either way I can't afford to think that anything is hopeless anymore, Mil.” I sniffed. “Hopelessness is what gets people killed. And I have more than just myself to worry about. Too bad it took a near miss to get that crammed into my skull.”
 
“Well, that is half the battle, Lina,” chirped Amelia as she fed an apple to the sleepy looking unicorn. “When my mother died, and my sister ran away I thought it was the end of the world. I seriously thought that nothing could ever make me happy again. But I didn't give up. I still had my daddy and my uncles and cousins to help me get through that most difficult of times and that's what matters the most. Cherishing what you do have and not letting tragedy hold you back.
 
“We are here for you, Lina! Please take advantage of it! I know you have a habit dealing with things like this by yourself but that'll only lead to another breakdown that led you to run off with Valgaav.”
 
I only left with him because my abilities led me to do so, but it'll take to long to explain that to her. Still, she's right about me doing everything by myself. I recall Regald pinning that characteristic on me after only a few days of working together.
 
I wearily but happily hugged the girl as was becoming my new habit of these last few minutes. I hoped she didn't think I was going gay. “I know. You're right, what can I say? But it's so hard trying to become another person.”
 
“You don't have to become another person,” Mil said. “Only a better you. One that doesn't worry about causing harm to yourself or others because you'll always make the right choice.”
 
“And how do I know what the right choice is? And why does it feel like you are preaching to me?” Priests, I tell ya.
 
“Sorry, force of habit. Anyways, at the expense of sounding like I'm copping out, the right choice is something only you can know. It feels different to everybody. To some it is a calm, centered feeling. To others, it is a sense of absolute confidence in their decision. The point is that you have to find it out for yourself.”
 
“Well, that almost helps.” Too bad I'm a shoot first think about the consequences later type of gal.”
 
Not anymore though.
 
I stood up and gazed at the stars peeking through the clearing smoke and clouds.
 
There is a glimmering of hope for me yet.
 
“I know I'm not a god, despite myself trying very hard to act like one. But, I don't want to be one nor do I want to follow one. I just want to be me and have nothing holding me back. Being a Knightmare obviously puts a lot on my shoulders though, and while the power is cool, all this responsibility is a pain in my admittingly scrawny ass.
 
“But I've got a kid on the way, so being responsible is something I've got to get used to. I didn't get brought back from the dead for nothing and I'll be damned if my kid gets raised in a world run down by demons and trust me, I will do my part to rid this world of good ol' Ruby Eyes. Even if I have to destroy all remaining pieces of him myself.
 
“It's funny though; all this time I figured it was going to be all me, to save the world that is. I had the power to make sure that no one else that was important to me would have to die. But then I nearly kill the most important thing in this world to me and I find that all my power is useless in stalling fate. Bearing all that weight by myself is pointless as in trying to make things the way I want them to be. It's counterproductive and makes me feel like running, fizzy, burning crap trying to do it.
 
“The point being is that I realize that I can't do all alone. I need you guys. Amelia, Zel, Milgasia, Regald, Lantz. . . Gourry. Heck even Valgaav, Naga, Xellos and Zellas help in their own ways. I should've figured all of that out when I fought Val and everyone was helping me in his or her own small way to fuel the Ragna Blade in order to beat the dragon goon. Because if none of you existed I would've had nothing to fight him with.
 
“So yeah, I'm ready to work as a team now, to let other share the burden and to share your burdens. I'll still try not to let anyone die but I'll allow that sometimes fate has it in for us no matter how hard you try. No point in driving yourself crazy over it.”
 
“We all look out for each other, Lina. Even when we are far apart we still think about everyone. Love is what drives us on, what gives us a reason to live and work together. Love for your friends, for Gourry, for your child,” said Amelia with an approving light in her eyes.
 
`Yeah, I've been a self deprecating, depressing, selfish idiot, haven't I?” It felt better than I had ever imagined. Letting go of my suspicions of Mil, letting other people try to help me; should've tried it a looooooooong time ago.
 
“Yup,” she nodded.
 
“At least you were sincere in admitting it,” said Mil.
 
“Thanks,” I laughed, recognizing the joke for what it was. “But, that's gotta change, and I know how I'm gonna start.”
 
Amelia and Mil exchanged a smile that bespoke a secret victory between the two. I'll wring it out of them later.
 
“Any idea where Gourry is?” I petted Amelia's unicorn, which gave me a funny look.
 
“Not a clue, I haven't seen him since this afternoon,” Amelia said. “Are you going to go patch things up with him?”
 
“Yeah, it should be easier after what I just said to you two but my stomach still feels like its churning ice cream.” I wonder which flavor, though? Probably chocolate; it's always chocolate and not very cold.
 
Yeah, I just grossed myself out too.
 
No more poo jokes too, Lina.
 
“Just be as honest with him as you were with us and it'll turn out fine,” the princess assured.
 
“Lina?” said Mil. “If you are feeling up to it, Zellas, Valgaav and myself are having a meeting by midmorning. We would like you to come.”
 
“I suppose it can't be helped. Nehel mentioned that a meeting would be coming up so yeah, I'll come . . . On one condition.”
 
“Condition?” Mil parroted, clearly not expecting that.
 
“I. Want. To. Get. PAID!”
 
“Paid?
 
“Oh boy, here she goes,” I heard Amelia rumble. She should talk! She had more money than god! And she wonders why we always eat and lodge at her expense.
 
“Do you realize that since this whole fiasco of an adventure began, that I have not even gotten a single gold piece to compensate for my services!? I got a family to support! I can't feed them with pretty words and the nice feelings that saving the world gives you alone!”
 
“Assuming, of course, that there are any kingdoms left that could take any money you might receive,” Amelia sighed, probably fretting over her own kingdom.
 
“Then pay me in gold!” I argued. “Gold is accepted everywhere as a preferred payment type no matter how bad the economy gets!”
 
“Oh!” I added. “And be sure also to have a breakfast buffet ready!”
 
“That one, at least, can be arranged,” Mil smiled, his shoulders straightened and back unslouched as if a burden had been lifted off of him. “And I'll try to see if I can't get one of the gods to get Nehel knocked down a peg for what he did. Angel or no, that was low, though you did buy into it with not much provocation.”
 
“Don't remind me! Though the thought of seeing Nehel put in his place sits right with me. See ya, Mil. I'm sorry that I was such a dick to you and I hope that we can somehow patch up our friendship.”
 
“Of course,” Mil smiled. “Just remember that I'm always available to talk. About how to deal with your powers, questions of conscience, and if there is a chance, faith. And just to talk.”
 
“You're such a preacher! But . . . thanks.” I awkwardly gave him a hug, which stunned us both and began to make my way back home.
 
“Amelia! I owe you and Zel a beer! See ya!” I Raywinged back towards camp, spirits high but not under any illusions that this journey would become any easier. I've become a tad too jaded for that. Even so, I just had to look at things from a less Lina-centric point of view and maybe things will be more bearable for me and everyone else.
 
I dispelled Raywing and walked through the camp's entrance. I passed by a group of nervously chattering Zephillians and remembered something that had made me happy while living at Val's place. Something that made things fall into place and brought some comfort to others around me.
 
Singing.
 
I think it was time for an impromptu concert.
 
“Evening, lads, lasses,” I greeted as I grabbed an unused mug from the table next to the fire everyone was gathered around. I filled it with whatever was in the keg.
 
“Well if it isn't little Miss Inverse!” a man recognized me. “What brings you out this late in this chilly night?”
 
“Life, I suppose. I've been going through a lot lately, and I've been thinking a lot too.” It was the truth, but I threw a bit of showmanship into my voice. The air of a storyteller, which I have quite the knack for if you didn't notice.
 
“We heard that something happened earlier today at the mage training grounds,” said a smallish woman of about thirty. “Are you alright, Miss Inverse?”
 
“I'm fine,” I assured. “But I nearly lost something very important to me today but found that I can't take care of everything all by myself.”
 
“About time you found something!” someone zinged.
 
“Zel!” I grinned. “Finally found yourself some coffee?” he must've as he looked positively . . . animated, bobbing his head to a song in his head and tapping his fingers on the back of his guitar.
 
“Oh yes. Feeling like a million gold coins because of this liquid sanity,” the chimera hoisted his mug in salute. “But are you really alright, Lina? I heard from Amelia about, well . . . you know. I don't blame you for ditching us tonight. I probably would've done the same thing but for the separate set of plumbing.”
 
“I'm fine, Zel. I really am. Maybe for the first time ever if I can really get over myself and start treating the world less like my own personal plaything.”
 
Zel nodded sagely at that, which coming from another formerly self-centered snoot, meant a lot to me. He's certainly learned a lot from Amelia. Why couldn't I had done the same from humble, unassuming Gourry?
 
“You two are friends?” asked an older gent with maybe a tooth or two left.
 
“Yeah, we go back a ways, me and Zel. Forged a friendship as solid as a rock!” That's right, put on a show.
 
“Ha ha,” Zel rolled his eyes at my joke in poor taste. I was rather surprised with Zel; he had his hood and cowl off in the middle of a crowd. But then again, he has been living amongst the refugees for a couple of months now. The only other place I could think of were he is comfortable doing that is Seyruun and even then only within the confines of the palace grounds.
 
“Young Master Greywords here has been entertaining us with his masterful guitar playing,” the older man explained. “Wish we had a fiddle to along with it but it suited us right fine,” He looked at me with just a hint of embarrassment. “I wonder how well your voice would compliment it?”
 
“You know, I've been wondering that very same thing myself,” I teased and an anticipatory rumble followed from amongst the Zephillians.
 
Ah, groupies.
 
“ I'm up for whatever you can come up with. Zephillian folk tunes are some of my favorite to play,” Zel encouraged. “I heard about your musical exploits from my audience here, and I am kinda curious to hear how well you sing for someone with such a shrieky voice.”
 
SHRIEKY!?
 
“You won't be for long,” I said. “This song is more contemporary, but it fits what I've discovered about myself today. It's called “Hourglass”.” The fast growing crowd nodded with approval. It wasn't that new, but new enough to break away somewhat from the steadfast traditions that defined Zephillian music.
 
“Interesting choice,” Zel commented. “Lucky I know it, but probably not as good as I should.”
 
“You'll do fine; they say caffeine sharpens mental acuity,” I assured Zel before I turned to face the crowd. My pulse quickened, a giddy sense of excitement jolted through my veins.
 
Poor Zel probably couldn't bear to be around a much larger crowd, but I'm thriving off of this.
 
“Since we're almost all Zephillian here tonight, I think I'll skip the mangled translations and just get to it. Ready, Zel?”
 
No one can save a heart full of pain,
Trapped within myself shedding shattered tears
 
I know that you cannot give up,
I believe in the way that I chose.
But if we do let go,
What about the pain that I cannot erase?
 
I always want to be strong
And be able to stop your pain.
 
While I'm being questioned
To simply continue with life,
I can give no answer;
I can only raise my head and continue to walk.
 
I put my heart and soul into that song and by the faces of the crowd; I must've succeeded in no small manner. Even Zel, who managed to keep up wonderfully, was jaw to floor agape.
 
“Since when can you do . . . that?” asked the befuddled chimera. Seeing the unflappable Zel stunned was always a bright spot in my day.
 
“I'm Lina Inverse. I can do anything,” I winked and set out to do just that. But finding Gourry in this mess of people would be like finding a fishman at a fish market.
 
Hmmm . . . if I were a Gourry, where would I be? I know! Someplace my memory would retain for more than an hour! The bar!
 
To the bar it was then! Too bad I didn't remember where it was, which came off to me as ridiculous as the possibility Naga becoming a suit of living armor and Amelia becoming trapped inside of her for a few hours resulting in hijinks and sisterly bonding.
 
But, I did eventually stumble upon the doublewide tent and I peeked my head into the door flaps . . . only to see Naga open mouth kissing an unresisting Gourry.
 
The blonde's eyes bulged out of his sockets when they flitted my way, and rightfully so.
 
“Hey, it's Lina!” A liquored up Lantz greeted.
 
Greet this.
 
“FIREBALL!”
 
Well, there went my improved mood.
 
The tent went up in flames and several little explosions went off as some of the more potent booze took flame, further accelerating the blaze. Some folks, startled out of there sleep ran out of there lodgings, wondering if there was an accident or an attack.
 
“Lina! Wait!” a singed Gourry came stumbling out of the remains of the burning bar. Lantz quickly followed, his pants little more than a falling apart, charred wreck providing a visual that I needed not that night nor ever.
 
“Where are you going, Blondie?” the over endowed hussy that followed him asked. I seethed like I never thought I could seethe before. Here I was wondering were Naga has been all this time and here she was tonsil mining my man. My mind was so flustered that I couldn't think of the words of any spells that would put an END to Naga and SEVERALLY hinder Gourry in a way that would make cheating on me a wee bit difficult.
 
“Outside, duh. It was getting too hot in there,” the mook sloshed out.
 
“D-drunken . . .BASTARD!” I managed to bite out.
 
“Lina! I don't know where this lady came from and I-!”
 
“Shut the Nine Hells up, Gourry!” Never before had I been this angry with him. Not even when he ate the last of our Blue Pig jerky half a year ago. “I just spent the better part of the night mustering the courage and swallowing enough of my pride to apologize to you and what do I find? You swapping spit with the one person I never, ever, could forgive you doing that with! I'd rather you make out with Xellos! And he'd probably enjoy it more than that underdressed whore!”
 
“You never did understand fashion, did you, Lina?”
 
“Find any gold, Naga?”
 
“Huh?” I guess analogies spoken in my mind go unheard in the real world. TOO BAD!
 
DIL BRANDO!” and so the underdressed whore flew to found a new whoredom as queen of the whores.
 
“Lina, I-.”
 
“Nope,” again I cut him off. “I'm sorry, Gourry. I may had done something unforgivable but you turning around and doing the same is . . .is, well, beyond what I had expected from you.” I was numb to it. I somehow knew that something like this would happen.
 
Lina get something cool, Lina get something important taken away.
 
I could hear all the time we spent together shattering in my heart. I couldn't quite bring myself to see it, though.
 
Gourry looked as if he couldn't believe or understand what was happening.
 
Typical.
 
“Well,” I said, barely a hint of emotion in my voice. “See ya around.”
 
Looks like you are going to be raised by a single mom, kiddo.
 
A screaming man came running down the ally, it was the bartender. He stopped in front of Gourry who seemed oblivious to him and everything else.
 
“My place! I leave ye alone fer five minutes and this is what happens!? Which lends the question; what in the hell happened!?” You and me both, buddy.
 
“Shit happened,” I muttered, throwing about a hundred gold coins at his feet to cover his stock.
 
Now what? I thought as I walked away at an angry pace. But as usual, I didn't have the answer.
 
 
Tom the Mighty's Mighty Notes.
 
Lina just can't catch a break, can she? Was she just overreacting to Gourry's seeming infidelity or is there another side to this story? Find out in the third Interlude currently in production and further bad drama in the next Slayers: Knightfall! Hopefully with more action scenes after this wordy as a holy book chapter!
 
 
 
Slayers Bonus!
 
Xellos: Wait a minute . . you think I'm . . . of that particular, uh, persuasion?
 
Lina: Well, I haven't seen you necking any ladies lately, or ever.
 
Xellos: I'm a demon! We don't have time for canoodling with icky girls!
 
Lina: o_O
 
Valgaav: Speak for yourself, Priest. But then again, your, uh, profession does lend itself to that quirk, doesn't it?
 
Mil: I resent that.
 
Valgaav: Well okay, I guess you are the exception.
 
Mil: Why, thank you, Val. That was quite civil of you.
 
Val: You're just into under-aged looking elf girls, like Memphis, that's all.
 
Mil: Guh!
 
Lina: Sexual deviancy in the Slayers universe? Unheard of!