Slayers Fan Fiction ❯ Slayers Melee ❯ Dude look like a lady! ( Chapter 9 )

*hacks and coughs* Hello and welcome to chapter nine. Allergies suck, that's all I have to say.

Well on Friday Rhia and I will be going to our first anime con!!! AnimeIowa! Woo! (yes, it is in Iowa. Do you have a problem with that?)

This chapter took awhile. I don't know why, I guess I just got lazy again. *Sigh* I worked on other upcoming chapters, but this one was hard.

I also had a lot of work to do this week. *mumbles under breath* stupid volunteers. I had done some good old fashion community service (and I have done this kind for a good four or five years). Well, the people in charge treated me like an amateur and made me clean the room. (Then I turned around and taught some of the people working how to use the cash register. I got more work done than everyone I worked under. Then I got sick. *sigh* Enough ranting, Chapter 9!!!

*****

Dude look like a lady!

*****

Everyone (except Phibrezzo and Xellos) gasped as the gigantic man named Guav casually stepped out of the woods. His sword was slung over his shoulder and he wore his usual attire, a red trench coat. Around his leg Val clung and smiled happily.

Melyn screeched as she saw him and gripped to the closest thing she could wrap her arms around, which happened to be Zelgadis' neck. "Rhia!" Melyn held onto the poor chimera tighter. "Make him go away!"

Guav smiled in satisfaction. Apparently that was the reaction he wanted from the rest of the cast.

The spooky silence that fell over the group was broken by Xellos and Phibrezzo's snickering.

Guav shot them a look. Other cast members began to laugh as well. The big bad demon dragon looked down to see Val still clinging and greatly resembling a kitten, that or Melyn. (=^.^=)

"Valguav," Guav sighed and rubbed his temples. "Get off. This is embarrassing."

Melyn looked up to see what was happening and she too began to laugh. She released poor Zelgadis.(who had long since passed out due to lack of oxygen.)"Val's so cute!" She cooed.

Val reluctantly got off his masters leg. He looked up at Guav and smiled brightly. "Guav-sama! I missed you so much! I--"

Fillia grabbed Val by the neck and pulled her son away from Guav in an overly protective mother embrace. "I won't you near my baby!" She yelled. "My sweet little Val is not you minion anymore!" She dragged her adopted son away.

"Aw, Mom!" Val whined as he struggled to get away. "Stop it! I can take care of myself! I'm a big boy now!"

Xellos and Phibrezzo fell over laughing. "Yeah Fillia-mama! Val's a big boy! He uses pull ups!"

Val flushed bright red. "Shut up!"

As this was going on Rhia slinked her way over to Guav. "So..." She looked him up and down and finally asked that one question every Slayers fan has wanted to know. "Why such a big sword? Are you compensating for something?"

Guav's eyes went as big as dinner plates "Wh...what?!"

Rhia continued. "Really, you can barely hold onto that big thing. And with the way you hold it over your shoulder. You want the world to think your big and bad. I bet your really a puppy inside!" She poked him in the stomach and Guav passed the Pillsbury Doughboy test. (He went 'Who who')

"What are you?" Guav stood there dumbfounded anyone would think such things of him.

"Me?" Rhia pointed to herself and batted her eyes. "I am just a simple Neko-jin out to get all your money that also passed her psychology course. I think Freud would love to see you! There are so many symbols that say you feel incompetent!"

"Leave me alone!" Guav howled.

"That doesn't work." Val screamed from his place next to Fillia. Somehow the dragon maiden put a bonnet and bib on her 'Baby Val'. Now she tried to give him his 'Baa baa' Val forced her hand away. "Screaming at them won't make them leave! I've tried to, but they never give me a moments res--" Fillia finally succeeded and the Baa baa was in Val's mouth. He looked like he would kill something.

Guav sweat dropped and looked back to where Rhia was. The neko-jin had moved next to Melyn and the two were whispering secrets to each other. "Uh oh..."

The chaos demon dragon did not know much about these two, but he knew this was probably a bad thing and he would be paying for whatever they were talking about.

Rhia smiled and walked back to him. "We decided you're coming to Famille with us!" Her voice was far too sugary sweet.

"And if I say I'm not going?"

"This!" Rhia handed him a picture.

His eyes grew wider than they were before. "H...How did you...get this?!"

"We have connections." Rhia smiled evilly "Will you come or do I have to give that to Beast Master-sama?"

Phibrezzo's ears perked up at the mention of the other mazoku lord's name. "What is this?"

Melyn smiled and handed him the same picture. "You're coming too!"

Phibrezzo's jaw hit the floor. "Oh L! Not that! You wouldn't be that evil to give this away!" He looked over at Melyn. "Oh wait...Yes you are." Phibrezzo sighed in defeat and nodded.

*****

"I can't believe we are actually following them." Guav snarled.

"It's better than the world seeing tat picture." Phibrezzo sighed. "I would kill them, but they took the life orbs from me."

"Damn."

Rhia stopped walking and turned around. "We are right outside the gates of Famille. There is a transportation system from here to Seryuun. We heard there is a map at Seryuun that shows the way to Wolf Pack Island."

"Xellos forgot how to get there!" Melyn chirped.

"I didn't forget!" Xellos fumed. "I always went there by traveling threw the astral plane."

"Either way we need to get to Seryuun. We need that map." Rhia sighed and got back on track. "Well as we all know Famille is a land where men aren't allowed. As Zelgadis, Xellos and Gourry have probably figured out, we need you guys to dress up as women."

"No." Phibrezzo said flatly.

Melyn held up the picture. "I'll give it to Dynast!"

*****

"I hate you." Phibrezzo growled as Melyn fixed the bow in the back of his dress. The mini Mazoku wore a pretty violet dress with poofy sleeves that it frilled out at the middle and reached just below his knees. He also wore a pair of white tights and a pair of black Mary Jane shoes (you know, the black shoes little girls wear that buckle).

Melyn took out her hairbrush and brushed out Phibrezzo's hair. She put a violet ribbon as a final touch. "You look so adorable!" Melyn sighed and smiled as she finished.

Lina worked on Gourry and put him in the pink dress he normally wore when he was forced to cross-dress. She put his hair up like Sailor Moon's. The sorceress struggled to put on the blond swordsman's makeup, but he finally gave in and Lina was just applying his lipstick.

Amelia worked on Zelgadis. He was forced to wear the same outfit he wore last time as well. This was the same for Xellos who, strangely enough didn't even protest a little as he was put into the Chinese red dress. In fact, he looked HAPPY to be in the dress.

Martina worked on her husband, who's outfit bore a great resemblance to Marilyn Monroe's white dress she was famous in. His hair was down and his hat was packed away in Melyn's bag-o-wonder.

Naga and Eris worked on Kopii and Rezo. Both were put into identical school uniforms that looked like they were taken out of Sailor Moon.

Sylphiel was chosen to work on Val. She put him in a light blue sundress that went to his knees and a straw hat.

"I swear I will KILL you!" Guav half-ran out of the woods. Rhia followed close behind him with a makeup case. The Chaos Dragon was wearing he most ridiculous outfit. He wore a pair of thigh high leather boots a white tank top and a hot pink mini skirt.

"Come back here! I'm not done!" Rhia yelled as she held the lipstick in one hand and the mascara in the other. "I wanna make you pretty!"

"I hope you die a slow painful death!" Guav hissed. Despite the laughter from the Slayers cast he still looked creepy (and like he belonged in a drag show).

"I will give you the picture if you do this." Rhia waved the photograph in front of his face. Guav sighed in defeat and Rhia wrapped a hot pink boa around his neck. (Melyn the Otaku watches as readers gouge their own eyeballs out with a fork.)

"Guav-sama," Val tried to comfort his master. "It can't get much worse."

Melyn bounced up to the front of the group. "Now, we can't call everyone by their actual names." She looked over at, well, all the men. "So I have created a list of girls names for you! We only keep these until we get to Seryuun." She held up a piece of paper. "Now to start off with; Gourry, you will be called Greta. Zelgadis you will be called Zelda. Xellos will be called Mary. Valguav will be Valerie. Rezo will be Molly. Kopii will be Polly. Zangulus will be Faye. Phibrezzo will be Penelope. And Guav will be Coco."

"Coco?!" Guav yelled. "Why Coco?!"

Melyn looked hurt. "Because you look like a Coco!"

Rhia smiled. "Well, lets go to Famille!"

*****

*Smiles* Hehe, Guav looks like he belongs in Jerry Springer. Sorry all you Guav fans, but you have to admit it is a funny mental image. Him throttling my neck...Oh wait...That's not a good mental image!!!

I actually finished writing this two days ago, but I didn't post it because my stupid internet isn't working. *Melyn picks up monitor and throws it out the window. * I feel better.

Disclaimer: Not mine, but the boa Guav is dancing in is. *Camera pans over to Guav.*

Guav:*Singing and dancing* YMCA!

Melyn: Err...sorry about that...*Beats head on a wooden board.*