Slayers Fan Fiction ❯ To Be Human ❯ Zelgadis's Sensitivity Training ( Chapter 2 )

Zelgadis's Sensitivity Training

I awoke to the sound of someone knocking on my door. Where am I... oh... yeah... Sailoon. With that early morning realization, the events of the preceding night came rushing back to me. How could I break down like that? And in front of Amelia? So embarrassing...

Because, deep down, you wanted her to help -- why else did you come back to Sailoon? Whether you know it or not, she's the only one who even has a chance at helping you.

I don't need her help.

And if I believe myself when I think that, I'm sure Xellos has a house on Wolf Pack Island he can sell me.

"Mister Zelgadis?" Amelia's voice came from behind the door. "Are you awake?"

"Yeah," I answered. "Just give me five minutes to get dressed." I got out of bed and walked over to where I had left my wet clothing to dry. The thick fabric was still a bit damp after last night's sulk in the rain. I pulled my other set of clothing from my pack and quickly changed. I then opened the door. "Ready now."

Amelia was standing there in a pair of patched and faded trousers and a ratty old shirt. Both had seen better days... probably about the time Rezo was born... "Good morning!" she said cheerfully.

"'Morning," I said. "What's with the new wardrobe?"

"You'll see. Come on, Mister Zelgadis," Amelia grabbed my hand and started leading me through the castle corridors, to one of the courtyards. A gardener had left a wheelbarrow with some tools in it. Amelia walked over to the wheelbarrow and picked up two sets of thick canvas gardening gloves. She handed one pair to me, and, seeing the questioning look on my face, explained, "We'll be gardening today."

"Gardening? Why? Does treating Lina and Gourry to the occasional meal drain Sailoon's Treasury that much, or is Prince Phil just trying to save money?"

"No," Amelia said. "I'm testing a theory, Mister Zelgadis. I believe your feelings of isolation are due to the fact that you have cut yourself off from the rest of the world. Smell the air."

I obediently inhaled. "There's a sack of manure in the wheelbarrow," I commented.

"No, Mister Zelgadis. Well... yes... but... no," Amelia closed her eyes. "It's the smell of flowers blooming, of springtime, of life... you can just feel the world growing." She crouched down and started weeding the flowerbed. "To be human is to be alive and in this world."

"Where'd you come up with that little gem?" I asked skeptically.

"I read it in a book. I've been studying psychology. A good ruler should understand how her people think."

I didn't say what I thought of her theory. I always figured Sailoon would lean towards the touchy-feely branch of psychology, even if that 'touch' was sometimes a Fist of Justice -- Sailoon believes in tough love for the unjust. I crouched down near her, helping her work -- well, it was worth a shot, no matter how ridiculous the idea was. Besides, she couldn't fault me for not being willing to try.

We worked the rest of the day, stopping only for sandwiches and light conversation about nothing in particular at lunch. As the sun set over the wall of the castle, Amelia finally took off her gloves, signaling to me she was finished working. "Well?"

"Well what?"

"Feel any different?"

"I feel tired and I have a crick in my back from bending over."

"No... are you feeling more open, more connected to the rest of humanity?"

"I've spent the day weeding with one other person. How would that connect me to the rest of humanity?" I snapped.

Amelia gave me a stare like a kicked puppy. "I was only trying to help you, Mister Zelgadis."

Well, that made me feel like the stuff caked to the bottom of my boots. It would have been easier if she had yelled at me, called me an insensitive idiot and deserving of what I got. "I'm sorry, Amelia. But this isn't working."

"I see that," Amelia said wryly. My apology apparently did the trick. "I'll think of something better for tomorrow."

"No," Amelia smiled. "I have something different planned."

This time, Amelia led me to her office. She opened the bottom drawer of her desk and pulled out a large canvas bag.

"What's that for?" I asked her.

"You'll see..." She removed two pieces of cloth and some sewing notions.

I peered over at it. "Embroidery?" I said incredulously.

"Creative works are what distinguish humanity from other things... like demons..." Amelia deftly threaded a needle. "See this is how you backstitch, and you stem stitch like this..." She ran me through the basic stitches, handing me needle, floss and the other piece of cloth.

I waited until she was finished demonstrating stitches. "Amelia? Do you really think this will work?"

"Well... it could..." she said hesitantly.

I set the cloth down on my lap, threaded my own needle, and tried to follow her example. It's not like I had anything better to do. Besides, if I really was turning into a monster on the inside as well as the outside, I wanted to spend every last moment with what I had left... the few people who call me friend. I just hoped no one else saw me doing this.

"Amelia, why did you really suggest this?" I commented dryly, while trying to untangle a particularly difficult knot.

"Um..." she hesitated again. "Well... to be honest, Mister Zelgadis, I was planning something else, but the plans fell through, and I needed to finish this for Daddy because his birthday is coming up, and, well it couldn't hurt, could it?" She gave me a hopeful look.

I sighed. "You should have just said you had nothing planned, Amelia. I would have kept you company if you wanted, without you having this pretense of helping me."

"You wouldn't get bored? Needlecraft isn't exactly a spectator activity and I was worried you'd see it as too feminine." Well, yeah... "Really it isn't to different from mending clothing and I do that."

"You do?"

"I don't like going to the tailor and getting measured, so I make my clothing last as long as possible."

"That explains why you never seem to change your clothing."

"I do!" I gave her an insulted look. "My clothing all looks the same, that's all... it's a very functional design." I reached for the scissors to cut my thread.

"Finished?" Amelia tried to look over at what I was working on.

"One part." I had selected a pattern at random, since most of the ones Amelia had seemed to be flowers or hearts or other things like that. I tried to lift up the scrap I was working on. After a few tugs... "Damn it... I think I accidentally sewed it to my pant leg."

Amelia unsuccessfully tried to suppress the giggles. "Let me see... it certainly looks that way, Mister Zelgadis." At that point, she lost all control over her laughter. I chuckled as well -- the situation was pretty ridiculous.

Amelia stopped laughing to look at me. "You know, Mister Zelgadis, I don't think I've ever heard you laugh before."

"You haven't?" I was sure she had... that one time...no, that was with Lina, when she had seemingly forgotten I was made of stone and given me a friendly slap on the back.

"No... you should do it more often It makes you more human, you know."

"How do you figure? Xellos laughs."

"Not at himself."

She had a point. Maybe my intuition was correct... maybe Amelia was the one person who could help me... she was giving me hope, at least, and hope was all I had at this point.