Sonic Series Fan Fiction ❯ Sonic Zeroes ❯ Meet Your Teammates ( Chapter 1 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

Author's Endless Babble: Yo yo yo! It's time for the hero's comeback! 3 2 1 make some noise!!

Audience: *silence*

|:| Oh whatever. Anymoo, I just want to say that I'm dedicating this fic to my friend/moose, Shannon~!! Aaaaaand yeah. That's pretty much it. Oh yeah, one more thing.

Disclaimer: I own NOTHING!!!! All the characters belong to Sonic Team and Seeeega~!


u-u Before we start the fic, let's have a moment with the one and only, Sera!

Audience: ....

>_> Y'know, the cat/monkey/girl from le Sonic Anime.

Audience: *implodes*

-.-;;; Here's Sera!

Sera: Hello to all my adoring fans out there! *blows kisses to herself..?* How could Sega just throw away a character as cute and as loveable as me? Oh, just wait until my daddy here's about this! He's the President of this joint! YOU'RE GOING DOWN, SEGA!!! Hey, that almost sounds like Sera.

Sonic: *points to the invisible watch on his wrist and then taps his foot impatiently*

Sera: ^^; Anyways, let me tell you a super short story. Okay, so like I was totally playing Sonic Heroes on my gamecube and the Sonic Team totally insulted my intelligence before I even started playing the game. After you click on your file, there's like the 1P, 2P, Options, anad Extra file thingys and like Omochao is in the corner explaining what those titles mean. How dare he! I know what options means, okay? I don't need no diseased robot telling me words that are already in my vocabulary. I mean, of course 2P means I need more than 1 controller! I'm not as dumb as Big looks!!

Big: *gnaws on a random electrical cord* Durf.

Sera: I know how to add, okay Mr. Omochao and Sonic Team! I know that 2 + 2 equals......equals....a number!! So..so, there! I'm telling my daddy! *runs away crying*

*takes out earplugs* Is it safe now? ^-^ On with the fic!!!



Sonic Zeroes

Chapter 1: Meet Your Teammates
*****************************************

*Ah, it's good to be back in business. Let's do this thing proper! Our story begins on some random island resort with Amy watching the very dramatic television program, All My Death Note..s.*

Near: *laying on a hospital bed*

Mello: This is all my fault! If I hadn't forced Near to demand that they exterminate the roaches in his trailer, then he wouldn't be on life support! *weeps*

Light: It's alright, Mello. *unbuttons his shirt* Come, rest your head of my flat but well-defined chest.

Mello: *hugs Light and rubs his head all over Light's chest*

Amy: *shoving popcorn down her throat while crying* Oh my gawd, this is getting so good!

Mello: Oh Light, I have a confession to make.

Light: I'm a priest. Please lay all your burdens on me.

Mello: I...I...I love chocolate!!! *buries his head in Light's chest*

Light: *pats Mello's back* I know, Mello. I know.

Amy: ;_; This is such an emotional moment. Who knew chocolate would be the bond that would bring these two together.

Ryuk: *wearing a nurse's outfit* I hate to be the bearer of bad news. *pause* XD Wait, no I don't!! There's nothing we can do for the ugly child with the white hair, so without further ado....*tosses Near down the garbage chute*

Mello: ;o; NOOOO!!!!

Light: It's alright. He's in a better place now.

Ryuk: Yeah, with the rats and other creatures that feast on human flesh.

Mello: ;o; Oh gawd!!! *drinks a gallon of chocolate milk*

Amy: ;o; Don't do it, Mello!!!

Big: *falls from the sky and lands on Amy's television set* ^o^ Woo! Breakfast!

Amy: My show!!!! Grrrrr! Big, how the hell did you get out of the closet of forgotten Sonic characters?

Big: Froggy my friend!

Amy: *facepalm*

Cream: Amy, look at this newspaper I just found.

Amy: Man, why can't you just die already?

Cream: o_o I have no soul.

Amy: oo;;; *slowly takes the newspaper away from Cream* Let's see..Sonic saves a frog and a chao. Geesh, talk about your slow news day.

Cream: We just gotta find Chocola chao. That's Cheese's best friend!

Cheese: Chao chao chao chao! (Translation: That skank owes me money! Bitch is gonna pay if she thinks she can skip out on payin' me!)

Cream: *hugs Cheese* Don't worry, we'll get your friend back.

Big: Duuuuh...don't forget about Froggy!

Amy: Ugh! Did you ever stop and think that maybe he's runs away from you because he doesn't like you?!

Big: ...*sleeps*

Cream: Let's get going, Amy and Big!

Amy: Ew! There's no way I'm gonna be stuck on a team with you two losers! *pulls out her cellphone*

*In a secret base somewhere that's totally a secret*

Robot Guards: *asleep*

Rouge: *sneaking around the base* Must..remain...quiet. *her cellphone rings*

Robot Guards: *wake up and point their guns at Rouge*

Rouge: Damn you to hell, Amy!!

*Back to the pink one~!*

Amy: *sighs* Fine, since she's not answering I guess we can be a team.

Big/Cream: YAY!

Amy: First things first! Let's write an awesome team theme song that speaks of my love for Sonic! :D

Cream: ...what does that have to do with--

Amy: *demonic voice* Our team's theme song is gonna be about Sonic!!!

Cream: o-o; Okay!

*Meanwhile at the Team Chaotix detective agency...*

Vector: *listening to his team's theme song* Wow, we make a pretty good band. We need to make a demo cd and send it to all the record companies. My voice is awesome and *rambles on forever*

Espio: Hm...my incredible ninja senses are telling me that Charmy is about to enter through the front door.

Vector: -_- I could've told you that! A blind person could hear him coming a mile away!!

Espio: How is blindness related to hearing?

Vector: ...*throws a cup at Espio*

Espio: x-x

Charmy: *breaks down the front door* IT'S HERE! IT'S HERE! IT'S FINALLY HERE!

Vector: Whatchu talkin' about, Charmy?

Charmy: *opens a box and pulls out some paper* :D My VectorxEspio doujinshi of course!

Vector/Espio: ...o_O!!

Charmy: Yeah, some bat-lady sold me these saying that they're based on adventures you guys had without me! *reads* That's weird. Vector, why are you on top of Espio and pushing him? See? *shows them the page*

Vector: MY EYES!!!!

Espio: *sets doujinshi on fire* We will never speak of this again.

Vector: Sounds good to me. *cough* Did we get any real mail?

Charmy: Oh yeah, I almost forgot until you just reminded me! You know, I have a real problem with remembering things, like this one time--

Vector: CHARMY!!!!

Charmy: ^^; Oh right. Someone sent us a walkie-talkie!! *tosses it to Vector*

*Vector catches it in a comical fashion that wasn't very comical at all*

Walkie-Talkie: Hey there, Team Chaotix! Who I am is not important. You can call me..Dr.All you need to know is that I'm watching your every move and I want you to find stuff for me. Important stuff that only detectives such as yourselves could find.

Espio: I dunno....my ninja senses are telling me that this Dr. Egg is one bad egg. *horrible pun #45*

Dr. Egg: I will pay you handsomely~!

Vector/Charmy: MONEY!!!! WE'LL DO IT!!

Espio: You guys, didn't you just hear me mumble about how this Dr. Egg is bad news?

Vector: Blah blah! We never turn down work that pays, even though we haven't set up a payment plan or anything with this guy.

Charmy: Yeah! You know our policy! It has words! Bee bee bee!!

Espio: -_-; Fine.

Vector: Let's rock and roll!! Get it?! 'Cause we play in a rock band!

Audience: Boo!!

*Cut to: Eggman's stupidly hidden base*

*Rouge falls from the ceiling and then hides in front of a closed door*

Rouge: I hope no one can see me hiding out in the open!

*Rouge punches some random number sequence on the number pad which opens the previously closed door*

Rouge: I'm sooo cool!! *walks into the room and sees a pod..and junk* This must be Eggman's secret treasure that I somehow found out about. And now it's mine! BWAHAHAHAHA! It's good to be sexy and badass!*pushes some random buttons on a keyboard and prays that the pod will open*

Omega: Must destroy all Eggman robots! *shoots in random directions*

Rouge: Crazy robot!! Way to miss your target!

Omega: Annihilate! *shoots a wall*

*Rouge rolls her eyes and finally opens the pod*

Rouge: Finally!! Eggman's secret treasure is...Shadow?!

Shadow: ....why do people always put me in a pod?

Omega: Die!! *fires at an ant running in a circle which is nowhere near Shadow and Rouge*

Shadow: Watch out!!!

*Shadow dramatically jumps out of the pod and pushes Rouge to the ground*

ShadRouge Fans: YAY!!!

Shadow: Wait here

*Shadow prepares to attack Omega by jumping from wall to wall as the robot continues to shoot at nothing in particular. Shadow is about to go in for the kill when Rouge stops him*

Rouge: Wait a minute!! I'm so confused and hungry. Let's go get some tacos.

Shadow: -_- Fine by me.

Omega: I cannot consume food for I am a robot.

Rouge: Then it's settled! Tacos, here we come!!

*Cut to: Taco Hut*

Rouge: Mmmm I love me some greasy tacos.

Shadow: They were alright...

Omega: Why would you take me to a place in which I cannot partake in the social interaction of the consumption of food?

Rouge: *drinks her 12 tequila shots* Okay, let me get this straight. *hiccup* *points to Shadow* You're mad at Eggy because he locked you in a room, right?

Shadow: .... *moves Rouge's finger to Omega's direction*

Omega: Affirma--

Rouge: *slaps Omega* And you're mad at yourself because you can't remember yourself! *slaps Omega..again*

Omega: Urge to kill the bat-woman is rising.

Shadow: No one cares about your needs.

Omega: I will make it rain blood. Your blood.

Shadow: I'd like to see you try.

Rouge: *hugs Omega and Shadow* And I'm coming too because I like eggs!! That makes us a team. Tequila shots for every-all-of-you-guys. *collapses*

*And lastly, in some random desert*

Sonic: *running through some loops and performing cool stunts* I'm rad to the max! Oh yeeeeeah!!

*Tails and Knuckles, who are flying in the Tornado, spot Sonic and fly closer to him*

Tails: Sonic!!!

Sonic: Aw damnit to hell! Tails, what did I tell you abuot following me?

Tails: ;-; But...why?

Sonic: Gee, let me think about it. Maybe it has to do with the fact that you sing about yearning for me in bed in your theme song!!

Tails: Yeah, but--

Sonic: No buts! Thanks to you I had to leave town because the police think I've been touching you in bed! I've never touched you!!

Knuckles: Well, I have these videos of the both of you--

Tails: ....

Sonic: .... o-o Dude, why do you have videos of Tails and I?

Knuckles: oo;; Umm...Eggman sent you this letter!! *shoves the letter in Sonic's face*

*Sonic, who is still running, reads the letter. Or rather, the letter reads itself..?*

The letter: Dear Sonic Heroes, guess what Sonic Heroes?

Sonic: What the hell kind of letter is this?! Who talks like that?! And since when did we change our names to Sonic Heroes? Eggman, lay off the drugs, dude.

The letter: Oh, you'll never guess, so I'll just tell you. *giggles* I just hatched (bad pun #78) a new evil scheme that's so horrendous that I scared myself. I might actually succeed this time and I'm not use to that, so could you please stop me? I'm not use to winning and why should I start not? Yeah, I've attached the addresses of where I'll be attacking. Hope to see you soon! Sincerely yours, Dr. Eggman.

Sonic: Eggman is such a moron. And a creepster. *cringes*

Knuckles: Can you make it speak again? That was pretty cool.

Tails/Sonic: *glare at Knuckles*

Knuckles: ^^; Heh heh. Word.

Tails: Sonic, what are we going to do? How are we ever going to stop Eggman this time? It's hopeless. He gave us a detailed map of the locations of where he'll be attacking and the blueprints of the robots he'll be using so we'll know their weaknesses. We're doomed.

Sonic: ...your voice sounds dumb.

Tails: ;-; I have a cold! Leave me alone!!

Knuckles: Hey, just like in the Sonic movie!

Sonic: *rolls eyes* Whatever! It's time for me to show the world how awesome I am and maybe they'll forget about the whole Tails incident.

Tails: ^^;;

Knuckles: :D Don't forget about the videos, Sonic!

Sonic/Tails: o-o!!

Knuckles: I mean...we're coming too!

*Knuckles and Tails jump out of the Tornado*

Sonic: Um..guys? Why didn't you land the plane?

Knuckles: Ugh! I can't be held responsible for my actions all fo the time!!

*The Tornado crashes into a nearby village destroying all of it's citizens*

Sonic: Great!! That's another thing I'll get blamed for!!