Sorcerer Hunters Fan Fiction ❯ Fluff ❯ Chapter 1

Marron woke up one morning to find the room strangely empty. For a few moments, he wondered if his brother had maybe gone off to do his morning stuff... but his bed was too neat for that, it didn't fit. His clothes were gone too, so that put that idea right out. He must have gone off to do something that required waking up early. Marron was a little mystified, though. Normally he was so attentive to Carrot's every move, he was sure he would have heard Carrot getting up early, or even going somewhere during the night... Marron glanced around the room for any other traces of where his brother might be. The day outside was sunny, he pulled back the curtains, and looked outside. A normal day outside in Eden. There were gardens outside, and then, further away, houses, settlements, the like. No sign of Carrot, though. Marron pulled the curtains right back and let sunlight flood the room... he went and sat back on his bed, gripping onto the edge of the bed tightly. The more he thought about it, the more he started to worry; he didn't like to let his brother out of his sight, and that was when he knew were Carrot was, what he was doing... he always had a bad feeling whenever Carrot was gone, and he didn't know where he was.

Marron idly wondered whether his behavior verged on the obsessive, but he didn't mind, Carrot was his one and only brother, if anyone had the right to be obsessive about him, then Marron did. So he reckoned.

Marron wondered how long it'd be before the morning Misu roomcall... never a day went past without Chocolat rapping her fist against the door, "Daaaaaarling, time to wake uuuup!"... if they weren't up by that point, it was always that that woke the Glacé brothers up. If that didn't wake them up, then Chocolat bursting into the room and leaping on Carrot usually did. Sometimes it was to inform them of whatever mission there was that the Sorcerer Hunters had to tend to for the day, sometimes it was just to see Carrot. Marron felt uneasy... if Chocolat came in and found Carrot missing, then all hell would break loose. He decided to take it into his own hands- he had to look out for his brother.

Marron looked up... Carrot was gone already. That meant he wasn't in the shower... Marron felt torn. On one hand, his brother was missing, and needed finding. On the other hand, the shower was actually free first thing in the morning, this never happened, it never mattered who was up first, Carrot always liked to leap into the shower first before he did anything else, and Marron was much too polite to say anything like 'actually, I'd like to shower first', or 'I hate having to wait until we get back from missions to shower because you always hog it in the mornings'... Marron wasn't sure what Carrot did in the shower and he wasn't sure he wanted to know, but Carrot always spent so long in there... he felt uneasy, but not THAT uneasy. He felt that if Carrot was in any real trouble then his niisan sense would be tingling by now... for the moment he was just missing, Marron could live with that.

Not noticing the folded up piece of paper on his bedside cabinet, Marron rubbed his hands together and giggled an uncharacteristic giggle, stripping out of his nightclothes and tiptoeing through to the en suite. He opened the door and pulled the lightswitch. No-one there. Marron smirked, feeling free to leave the door open for once. He opened the door to the shower, and glanced over at the bath. Since he was in that mood... should he maybe have a bath instead? No, he decided, he'd decided to have a shower and he was going to stick to that decision. Baths always took so much longer, anyway... it was easier to hop out of a shower and put clothes on if Big Mama suddenly had a mission for them than it was to wade out of a bath and wait for the water to run off and get rid of the bubble bath suds and everything... no, it was a shower he was going to have, he was sure. He turned it on and stepped away, wise enough to let the cold water run out of the shower first. He wasn't in the mood for a cold shower. He wondered if that was what Carrot always spent his time in the shower doing... having an extra-long cold shower to last him for the rest of the day? If that was his aim, it never seemed to work.

Seeing tendrils of steam rise from the shower, Marron decided to test it. A bit hot. He reached under the cascade of water, and turned the dial down a little. He waited a few moments for the system to realize it had to cool down... he tested it again. Perfect.

Smiling still, Marron stepped into the shower and shut the shower door behind him. A showercap fell off the hook on the door and into the bottom of the shower. Marron leant down, picked it up, and threw it over the top of the shower... a bit late to be thinking about showercaps. And who'd chosen a pink frilly one anyway? Either Gateau had put it in there for a laugh, Chocolat had been doing sneaky things while the Glacé brothers were out, or his brother just had strange taste in bathroom wear.

Marron leant back against the cool shower wall, letting the water hit his naked body, enjoying the feeling of having a shower in the morning... that said, it was almost habit now, and having a shower after a hard day's Sorcerer Hunting wasn't a bad habit to have. It was nicer to go to bed shiny and clean than covered in whatever the hell they'd picked up while fighting who or whatever they'd been fighting that day... monsters of any description were always the worst, they always seemed to have blood of a peculiar colour that never washed out of white robes easily. Marron had a wardrobe full of robes of various different colours; they'd all started off white, but after a while, all the monster stuff had taken it's toll, and fluorescent purple just didn't seem to wash out... then there was that one robe at the bottom of the wardrobe that glowed a strange kind of radioactive green every thursday. Marron liked to keep it there for the novelty value, not everyone had a robe that doubled as a nightlight once a week. Marron found it ironic that he could fit the amount of wearable robes he had in the washbasket next to the door, and that the wardrobe didn't actually have anything in it he'd really consider wearing... often, Carrot - or sometimes Gateau - would suggest a change in clothing, but Marron always declined. Robes looked so good on him, after all... and then there was the air of mysterious powerful magic user he liked to keep up. Would he really have the same effect if he wore the kind of things that Carrot or Gateau wore? Or, like Gateau had suggested one time (and Marron wasn't sure if Gateau had been joking or not), wearing the kind of things the Misu sisters wore... the image of himself in Tira's bondage outfits crept across Marron's mind, and he laughed a little. No, robes were what he'd been wearing since childhood, and robes were what he'd continue to wear. They just looked too good.

Marron reached for the soap and started to lather himself up. He thought about it, then decided 'why not' and went for the shampoo, too. Strangely enough, he never seemed to have too many problems with his hair, but it never hurt to wash it when he got the chance. He poured some of the shampoo onto his hand and worked it into his hair, his long fingers softly massaging his scalp. He wondered if he should have brushed his hair beforehand... nevermind. He remembered the time when Carrot had suggested sending Marron for a haircut... he'd never realized quite how much it meant to him until Carrot had suggested changing it; he valued his brother's opinion, but he also valued his hair, too. "I wonder what you'd look like with short hair?" had hardly been a command, but suddenly it felt like his brother was unhappy with his appearance, and a few surprisingly angsty days had followed where Marron had seriously considered cutting his hair, but the event blew over after Gateau had caught him carefully considering a pair of scissors and got the wrong idea; Chocolat hadn't been too pleased at losing her best pair of scissors, but Gateau had hidden them with the best possible intentions... to this day, Gateau couldn't remember where he'd put the scissors, and Carrot had only remembered his comment on Marron's hair when Gateau had run to Carrot saying Marron was going to kill himself with a pair of scissors over something you'd said, so what are you going to do about it? Marron had ended up getting a bit worked up, and he had to tearfully explain to Carrot and Gateau and Chocolat and Tira who'd ended up getting randomly involved (though they WERE Chocolat's scissors) that he hadn't been planning to take his own life, really he hadn't, he'd only been considering cutting his hair, that was all. Gateau had then ended up wailing about how that might be worse than Marron killing himself, cue all the near-bone breaking hugs that Marron somehow ended up getting from Gateau, gushing from Gateau on how pretty Marron was and how pretty his hair was, and a serious and sincere promise was made between the two of them; while Gateau was still around, Marron wouldn't cut a single hair on his head. Marron was secretly not sure if he'd have really gone through with cutting his hair, and since Carrot had hardly remembered what he'd said, it couldn't have been too big of a thing anyway. Sometimes Marron focused a little too hard on the throwaway comments his brother made, but that, Marron smiled, was all part and parcel of being obsessed with someone. He didn't mind getting upset if he felt it was really worth getting upset about, and if Carrot didn't notice, that was more to get upset about later, what with Carrot not noticing his feelings and not understanding the deep torture inside Marron's soooooul or whatever... Marron slipped downwards, sitting on the floor of the shower. He could be quite strange at times. And some of his darker moments sprung from insecurity at the hands of that strangeness. Sometimes he'd wake up on days like today, and be all happy and maybe a little hyper that he could have a shower first thing in the morning and thank Big Mama for small miracles and things like that, but sometimes he woke up with the keenest desire to go back to sleep again, or maybe just stay in bed and cry a bit. Or a lot. Sometimes he did, but it never lasted; when Big Mama wanted her Sorcerer Hunters to wake up and hunt Sorcerers, that was exactly what she wanted her Hunters to do. She didn't want her Hunters to stay in bed and cry piteously about unbearable feelings inside, or about how they'd rather die than have to get out of bed and fight another Sorcerer, or about how it was always him or the Haz Knights saving everyone's asses, couldn't they grow a backbone and fight their own battles for once? Big Mama never got angry though, not even when Marron was being at his anti-morning bitchiest. She'd just come through, sit with Marron for a bit, maybe hug him a bit... sometimes this'd calm him down, sometimes it'd make him cry even more, but eventually her kind persuasion and soft embraces would convince Marron that it was a good idea to go fight that Sorcerer, and she'd be everso proud of him if he did as she asked...

Marron shook himself from his thoughts, realizing he'd got a little more introspective than he'd meant to. No, this wasn't one of those bad mornings, this wasn't one of those mornings where he'd end up with Carrot angry at him for the rest of the day ("I wake up and get out of bed when she asks me to, why the hell can't you?"), where he'd have Gateau worrying about him for the rest of the day, or the Misu sisters watching him as if he was going to freak out on them... Marron stood up and continued shampooing his hair. Was that was he was really like? On days like today, he couldn't imagine being anything other than happy to see the morning sunlight... but then again, on days like today, he wasn't being woken up at ungodly hours of the morning to go out and fight some Sorcerer who was causing some sudden emergency... he hadn't had a day like that for a while. More than that, actually... he always found he was more sensitive on those days; just one minor injury to Carrot from a bad guy, or even a broken fingernail to Carrot from a bad guy would be enough to set Marron off; even if Carrot was angry with him, it never mattered- the bad guy had tried to hurt Carrot, bitchfits and anger didn't matter, Marron just wanted the enemy punished for daring to hurt his brother. Marron smiled as suds slipped down his body and got washed away. That was always the best thing to cheer Carrot up, save his life a bit. Then he'd be all thankful, and... that special thanks always gave Marron a warm feeling inside. He'd saved his brother... not Tira, not Chocolat, but he had... that was the best feeling. That was what made all the angst and the angry feelings and the depressed feelings and the feelings of complete and utter self-worthlessness and the empty, lonely nights spent crying worth it. It was also that that'd led Marron to eventually come to the conclusion that, perhaps, Carrot meant more to him than just a treasured older sibling... it certainly made sense with his feelings, anyway. Carrot always wrote it off as normal teenage angst whenever Marron complained of feeling useless, like nothing he ever did mattered, like he could just die and no-one would really notice or care... Carrot would sometimes get angry, but not often. In moods like that, anger never helped; more often, Carrot would sigh, hold Marron for a bit, and say that Marron was a Sorcerer Hunter, and that he'd been one of the people who'd protected the world against Sacher Torte... if nothing he ever did mattered, then what was that? And besides, who was it who managed to awaken Carrot inside the Hakaishin anyway? Not Chocolat, not Tira, but Marron.

Marron held his fingers up in front of his face for inspection. Those had been the fingers that'd made the all-important contact with Carrot that had enabled Carrot to overcome Hakaishin's power, those were the fingers that had touched his niisan's fingers... Marron could remember it vividly, the journey through Hakaishin, the dark spirits that had flown around there... then they'd seen him there, they'd seen Carrot, and they'd saved him... he'd saved him. Marron's hand clenched into a fist, a proud smile on his face. The Misu sisters might not have even had to have been there... Marron almost wished that could have been so. It was the best feeling in the world to know that he'd saved his brother, but... oh, if only that overflow of joyous emotion could have blossomed into something more... that night, it had done. Marron hadn't gone to his usual room that night; he couldn't stop himself from touching himself with that hand that'd touched his brother so specially and so importantly... he'd had the power, and his brother had the power to make him feel so... Marron couldn't explain how his brother made him feel, he just knew his brother made him feel like that.

That was how he'd tried to explain it to Big Mama, at least. She felt there was something wrong with Marron not going to his usual room that night... she'd walked in to find him calling his brother's name amidst heady passion. That took some explaining. However, Big Mama seemed understanding... she always seemed understanding, she was Big Mama, she was understandingness personified, she didn't seem disgusted or enraged in the least that Marron had been having overtly sexual feelings for his own brother... no, she'd been understanding, telling Marron to follow his heart if he really felt that way, Marron had tried to explain how his feelings about Carrot related to his emotional outbursts, how it felt that things were that bit more worth it if Carrot just noticed him, even if he was angry, it meant that Carrot had noticed him... and it hurt when Carrot was angry, it hurt Marron terribly so that he'd made his brother angry, but there was never anything that wasn't over in a few hours, and it felt so good to have his brother's forgiveness, even over the smallest thing, and- Big Mama had put a finger to Marron's lips at that point, quietening him. He didn't need to try to justify himself with a feeling that just WAS. Big Mama even said she'd suspected, but had never wanted to say anything. Marron had been shocked. Big Mama had suspected? She oversaw them and watched out for them, but Marron had been convinced that these were his deepest most darkest feelings... and... Big Mama had guessed already? Big Mama had just smiled, saying nothing, remaining mysterious even in such a matter. Big Mama asked Marron if he wanted to stay on his own, or go back to his brother... in the end, she'd relented, and Marron had slept in the comfort of her arms that night. She delivered him back into the Glacé room while he was asleep, and once he was awake, it was like the night before had been some far-off dream... Big Mama seemed to act like nothing had happened. But he never looked at his brother in quite the same way again.

Marron was standing outside the shower now, a little angry at himself; his previous good mood more or less shattered. Not that he was in a bad mood, but... he was rarely hyper over something so small as showering in the morning. He was a Sorcerer Hunter, death and destruction was part of his life, and it was nice to find happiness in small things like that. He toweled his hair off, taking a deep breath. Feelings of Carrot and thoughts of the past aside, he did feel refreshed, and that was nice. Marron grabbed another towel (there was no lack of towels in Eden) and wrapped it around his waist, tucking it in, deciding to go and sit on his bed and look out of the window for a bit. There was no real reason to do anything, so why bother doing something when he could be doing nothing? Silent moments were too rare.

When he'd sat on his bed and quietly set about brushing his hair, just as he caught himself in one particularly stubborn tangle, that had been when he'd noticed the bit of paper on his bedside cabinet that'd been waiting patiently for him since before his shower. Since before he'd woken up, even. Marron's curiosity was awoken, he quickly finished brushing his hair, set the brush aside and picked up the paper with a curious look on his face; her frowned a little when he realized it was to him, from his brother. Why would Carrot be writing him a letter?

Marron fell back onto the bed, holding the letter above his head, reading it in his head.

"Yo, Marron.

If the Misu sisters knew how I felt, they'd kill me, I'm pretty sure of it. Jeez, I'm such an idiot! I mean, really... I have them after me, then there's people like Milphey, he likes me too, but... I don't know, I just don't feel for them. No, that's not right. Dammit, I can't do things like this. But I'm determined! Never let it be said that your niisan isn't determined! Yeah... I'm... okay, so you're reading this right now, okay? Good. For you to be reading this, then I'm gone already, right? I'm not too good at writing this writing-into-the-future stuff, but I'm not with you, right? So, yeah, I've gone. Where am I? I'll let you figure that one out. Look, basically, I was thinking about the other night..."

Marron paused, frowning. The other night?

"... you seemed so upset, and I felt really bad because I didn't seem to be able to do anything to calm you down, no matter what I said, you just carried on crying..."

Marron remembered. It hadn't been much... just another angsty crying fit. Carrot had been woken up by Marron's crying, he'd got out of bed, slipped into bed with Marron... this had made Marron cry even more, but Carrot couldn't know the source of the tears... Marron had been crying over Carrot, not unusually. But it was always so painful; normally he didn't mind his niisan seeing his tears, but tears spent over him felt that bit more guilty- it was his secret, Big Mama was the only one who knew... every touch from Carrot made Marron cry more. He wanted Carrot so badly, he wanted him as more than a brother, he wanted their bedsharing to be more than platonic, he wanted to hear his brother say "I love you" and mean it as more than just a brotherly thing... more than any other feeling, more than the angst and the self-worthlessness, those feelings made Marron cry. What was the point in his own self-worth when Carrot was around? And Carrot had been around, his arms wrapped protectively over Marron's shoulders... Marron had spent the night crying into Carrot's nightshirt... he'd hardly said anything. Carrot had asked what was wrong almost continually, but Marron had said nothing, "It doesn't matter", "You can't understand", "It's nothing I want to worry you with"... Carrot hadn't been having it, though. "It does matter if you're crying this much"... "Maybe I can't understand, but can't I at least try?"... "Marron, you're worrying me by being like this, how much more worried am I going to be if you tell me what's wrong?"... but for all his comforting, Carrot had still not managed to get much out of Marron.

Now more than a little worried, Marron continued reading the letter.

"... I know it's been a few days since then, but... I don't know, I just couldn't get it out of my head, I... I feel like I've failed as a brother, 'cause I'm supposed to be your big brother and be all protective of you, but something was upsetting you that much, and I couldn't even work out what was wrong... what is there that worries you so much that you can't even talk to me about it? I thought we could share anything, but... maybe I was wrong, maybe I don't know you as well as I hoped I did. I guess I just need some time alone, 'cause there's something I've been thinking about, but this time it's my turn to not tell you what's going on. I can't tell you if I'm not sure myself, but I sure as hell don't want the Misu sisters finding out about this... if they ask you where I am, just say I went into town to do some girlchasing or something, it'll keep them occupied for long enough for me to maybe work out some things. I don't know when I'll next see you again, but unless we're alone, don't mention this, okay? I probably sound confusing, but... I feel confused. The next time I see you, I want to be able to talk to you... and I'm just hoping that we won't get any work from Big Mama in the meantime, that's the last thing I need.

I'll seeya when I seeya

Carrot (niisan, a bad one, but still niisan)"

Marron paused, read the letter over again, then put it on his bedside. There were tears in his eyes; as much as Carrot said he felt confused, Marron also felt confused. What the hell had Carrot been on about?

Marron pulled the towel off, thoughts of sitting and watching the clouds go by outside forgotten. How could he have had a shower while Carrot was off alone somewhere feeling like this? Saying that he felt he'd failed as a brother... Marron shook his head. No, never! Nothing Carrot did could make him seem like a failure in Marron's eyes!

But did Carrot see it like that?

Marron rushed to the washbasket and grabbed the topmost clean robe. He slipped that on, then finished getting dressed, determined to find his brother. He rushed out of the door, only to run smackbang into Dota, who'd been flying at low altitudes rather than bother walking.

"Owie! Oh, hey Marron!"

"Dota, where's my brother?"

"Eh?"

"My brother, he's not here, where is he? Have you seen him?"

Dota paused carefully. Marron's depressive angsty fits were legendary, and she didn't want to be the cause of another one. She looked thoughtful for a few moments before smiling happily, hoping she sounded convincing.

"Well, I've not seen him this morning! Ha ha ha, but, might he have gone for breakfast or something? I'm sure he's not gone too far, why don't you go ask Mama about it? She might have seen him. I'll look around, and I'll ask Sirius to keep a look out too! Okay?"

"Well, alright... you're sure you've not seen him?"

"Yes, I'm sure!"

"I suppose that can't be helped..." Marron fixed Dota with a vaguely annoyed look, and ran off. Dota blinked, and sighed. At least he hadn't started crying, and at least he hadn't got angry like that time she'd been with Mama when he'd had that fit that one morning, but... she'd said she was going to look out for Carrot, what else could she do? She shook her head, decided she'd never understand the younger Glacé brother, and decided to go and find Sirius before Marron did.

Marron ran through the corridors. He debated knocking on the Misu sisters' door, but then he decided against that. If they knew Carrot was missing, they'd want to be in until he was found... Carrot said he'd wanted to talk while the two of them were alone. If he was going to find Carrot, he wanted to do it himself. But asking Big Mama for help wouldn't hurt. He walked in to find her talking with Milphey- no, he was in his Haz Knight regalia. At times like this, he was the Haz Knight Mille Feuille. It'd taken some getting used to, the idea of that harmless-seeming enthusiastic crossdresser being one of Big Mama's strongest Haz Knights... Mille turned his head, and nodded in silent greeting. Marron stood by the door, awaiting Big Mama's recognition. He nodded back at Mille. He couldn't hear the conversation, but after what seemed like an eternity, Shiffon Cake stepped forward, and said something. Shiffon transformed into his full armor, he and Mille bowed at Big Mama, then both vanished with a flash. Marron watched in quiet amazement, then, at Big Mama's bid, came forward.

"Something is troubling you, Marron?"

"B-Big Mama, I-"

"I can see it on your face, Marron."

Marron looked down slightly, knowing he couldn't hide anything from Big Mama. He looked up. "What was that with Mille and Shiffon?"

"Oh, something came up with a Sorcerer... but I felt that, with Carrot's current mood, perhaps I shouldn't suddenly send you out on a mission. Sometimes there are things more important than just missions; the fight against Sorcerers is an important one, but... I won't send you out on a mission today. Are Tira and Chocolat awake yet?"

"Mama, Carrot's gone missing, he left me this letter, and I woke up, and he was gone... I... he said he felt he'd failed as a brother, and that he felt bad because he couldn't stop my tears a few days ago... I couldn't tell him what was wrong, I just couldn't! I was crying about him, how was I supposed to tell him that that was why I was crying? It was all I could do to try... and it was so painful when he touched me... it made me melt and freeze at the same time, I..." Marron paused for breath, choking with a sudden sob. Big Mama's look softened; she realized she wasn't going to get any idle chatter about Tira and Chocolat out of him this morning. She said nothing, giving Marron the chance to continue.

"... I... I still feel like... I did that time when... after Sacher tried to revive Hakaishin... and you... you found me... I still feel like that, you know I do! And it hurts that I can't tell him anything, I can't let him know, it makes me feel like I've failed as a brother... it shouldn't be the other way around... he was worried because there was something bothering me enough to make me cry all night, but I couldn't tell him what it was... he kept asking, but I wouldn't tell him... eventually I fell asleep, in his arms... Mama, if you know where he is, please tell me... I can't let him be alone like this. Not worried about me like this."

Big Mama looked slightly more serious; her tone was calm, but her words were quite accusing...

"Marron, he always worries about you. What's so different from all the other times, apart from the fact that this time it's Carrot who won't talk to you as opposed to you not talking to him? You have a lot inside you, but you barely let him scratch the surface, I understand that, you're worried that anything you say might make him suspect you... but if he walked into the room at this moment, what would you do? What would you say? Have you thought about that?"

"N-no... but there's the letter he left me... he sounded like he wanted to talk to me about something..."

"And would you have talked back to him?"

Marron opened his mouth to agree, but then realized what Big Mama was getting at. It was easy to talk, but harder to say things that actually meant things... Marron wasn't sure.

"I don't know..."

"Will you ever let him know how you feel?"

"... I don't know... I don't know. I spend a lot of time in thought about it... dreaming about it... but... I don't know. More often these days it seems that I've been keeping things from him, but... that's only because I have to! If I could tell him what was wrong, then I would!"

"What's stopping you from telling him how you feel? Don't say it's because you're worried of how he'd react... do you know how he'd react? Think about it, Marron. Do you really, certainly know how he's going to react? Can you predict other people's reactions like that? You might not feel he's too attentive of your feelings, but... have you been attentive of his?"

Marron's face twitched into a frown. Big Mama was sometimes hard to understand, hiding her meaning behind ambiguous comments... "What?"

"How do you think Carrot would react if you told him of your feelings towards him?"

"He'd be angry. And there wouldn't be any forgiveness."

Big Mama nodded slightly, closing her eyes. "I see. What would you say if you knew that Carrot had been here every night for the past week or so, since the last time you two shared one of your outbursts... that he'd been here, as confused about his feelings as you are, worried about the same things as you're worried about now, crying over exactly the same things that you cry about?"

"Mama, no disrespect meant, but... don't speak about such stupid things... that'd never happen. Even in my dreams, that could never happen."

"Marron, please, just listen to her. You never know, she might know what she's on about..."

Marron's eyes opened wide at a new voice; his head snapped up, hardly believing... but it was true. Carrot was standing next to Big Mama. Marron stared stupidly for a few moments, his mind not quite functioning.

"N-niisan? W-where-?"

Carrot waved his hand idly, "I was standing behind her all that time."

"You... you heard us?!"

"Yes..."

"What I said..." Marron's voice was barely above a whisper. His heart was pounding in his chest; he couldn't believe it. Carrot had heard all that Big Mama and he had spoken about... he desperately tried to remember what he'd said, so that he could come up with responses and excuses for what he'd said. More than anything... he couldn't let Carrot know the truth! He'd mentioned the post-Hakaishin incident... Carrot might wonder what that was about... him and Big Mama had talked about Marron's feelings towards Carrot, he'd have to pass those off too... but what as? Feelings that would make Carrot angry, feelings that would make Carrot so angry, there wouldn't be any forgiveness... there didn't seem any way of disguising or hiding those feelings... the world seemed to be slipping away, nothing made sense anymore... Carrot stepped forward, walked forward, stopped a few steps away from Marron's slowly growing but incoming panic attack.

"Marron, you don't have to hide anymore... Big Mama wasn't lying. It's... it's confusing, but..." he sighed, looking away, smiling wryly. "... I dunno." He looked up, smiling.

"You don't have to be afraid, you don't have to keep your feelings from me! I'll tell you what I feel if you promise to tell me what you feel... 'cause... jeez, this is awkward... I... I love you, I guess."

Marron's voice felt distant from his body; angry, low, quiet.

"That's what you always say..."

"No, but I mean it. I love you!"

Carrot smiled, stepping a little closer. He seemed so confident, the way he spoke was like he was saying something so normal... Marron couldn't come to terms with it. Carrot gently put his arm out, resting it on Marron's shoulder. A warm, familiar touch.

"Look, Marron, I kn-"

"DON'T TOUCH ME!"

Marron stepped back quickly, holding his shoulder as if Carrot had wounded him. Carrot looked confused; he turned back to look at Big Mama, but she just looked impassive. He turned back to face Marron.

"Marron, w-what?"

"Don't... don't touch me like that after saying something like that in that voice..."

Marron turned on his heel and fled the room, crying loudly as he went. Carrot stood for a moment, staring at where Marron had been. He turned back to Big Mama.

"Mama, I... I... what just happened there?"

"Go after him, Carrot."

"But..."

Big Mama's voice was quiet. "Just go after him."

Carrot gulped slightly, fighting back tears. His fists were clenched... he let out a deep sigh.

"Okay, but... I don't know what's gonna happen..."

Big Mama had nothing more to say, so Carrot left the room with a sigh. He shut the door with a sensitive 'click', and surveyed the corridors. He saw Marron, leant against one of the walls, crying unashamedly into his sleeves. Carrot's look softened; he seemed more upset than angry.

"Marron?"

Marron froze at Carrot's voice. He looked up, then shot off again; Carrot growled slightly, but not without hope; Marron had gone in the direction of the bedrooms... he was probably going back to their room. Carrot chased the hint of Marron's robe, a flick of his hair for a while, before coming to the corridor that contained their room. He'd heard the door click, and he knew Marron was inside... he approached the door. Had Marron had the sense to lock the door? The door opened as he turned the doorhandle; apparently not. He stepped into the room quietly, and shut the door behind him, locking it. He didn't want any unscheduled interruptions from people like the Misu sisters... Carrot looked at Marron sadly. Marron was sat on the bed closest to the window, his back turned to the door. He didn't even acknowledge Carrot's presence in the room. Carrot ventured a little closer.

"Marron, what... what happened?"

No reply.

"Marron, you haven't spoken to me for the last coupla days. But even before that, you never... you've been hiding something... I meant what I said in that letter. I feel like a failure... something you couldn't even tell me about... I'm supposed to be your older brother, m'supposed to look out for you and stuff, but... I just feel so powerless when you're crying in my arms and you won't even tell me what's wrong..."

"There are just some things you don't talk to people about... Carrot."

Marron's lack of familiarity bit at Carrot.

"... you talk to Big Mama about it enough. She certainly knew what you were on about. You were talking about something that happened after Sacher tried to resurrect Hakaishin... something with you and her. Want to tell me about it?"

"No." Marron's voice was short and sharp.

Carrot looked to the side, not caring about his tears anymore. Carrot walked closer to the bed.

"Look, Marron, I know you're sensitive... you have days when you just don't stop crying... and I know I get angry sometimes... but it's only 'cause I'm worried about you, y'know? I want to know what's wrong, and I want to know however I can make whatever's wrong, right..."

"You can't ever know."

"No, not if you don't tell me. Just give me a chance here, please? You said how I shouldn't be the one feeling like a failure, it should be you... but why? What have you done that's worse than me not being able to understand my brother, the one person in the world I want to trust me, who no longer seems to..."

There was silence again; Marron didn't seem to want to even give Carrot that. Carrot felt at a loss. What was left? Carrot knew how Marron had reacted at his last touch, but it seemed the only thing left... that, and three small words that seemed to have triggered off Marron's anger... Carrot gently put his hands to Marron's back, rubbed up over his shoulders, and pulled himself into an embrace with his brother. No resistance, no response, but then Carrot said it...

"Marron, I love you."

... and all hell broke loose. Marron tried to fight against Carrot's embrace, but Carrot was determined to keep his brother close. Marron was determined to fight, though, and eventually, Carrot had pulled himself onto the bed to keep from falling; Marron tried to push back in order to slip out of Carrot's hold... Carrot slipped, desperate to keep Marron from going; he fell squarely on top of his brother. Seizing the opportunity, he shifted around on the bed, pinning Marron's legs down with his own legs, holding Marron's arms down with his hands. Panting, the two looked at each other with some confusion; Carrot blinked down at his brother.

"Marron, how... how did we get like this?"

"How do you mean...?"

"Both... how did we end up fighting, and... how did we end up... like this... um... on a bed?"

Marron's blush couldn't be hidden, he turned his head quickly away from Carrot; he couldn't hide, but he was going to damn well try... Carrot sighed.

"Look, I'm only doing this 'cause it's the only way I can keep you still and listen... what is it about me saying 'I love you' that makes you freak out so much?"

"... because you don't say it with enough conviction... because... because you say it, but you don't mean it... because you say it without realizing what it does to me..."

"So it's... it's not because I say it and... not only mean it like always... but also in a different way?"

Marron frowned, looking directly up at Carrot and his tearful eyes. Marron scowled.

"What?"

"I don't just mean 'I love you' as in 'I love you, my brother'... I also mean it like... 'I love you,'... I... I... I can't explain it. But I love you, Marron. Not just like a brother, but... you... look so angry..."

"You don't mean it... you don't mean what you're saying! You're teasing me somehow, you... you CAN'T be serious! You CAN'T!"

"I am. I'm serious... more serious than anything else... that's what I've been thinking of. See... it's hard to say and talk about, but just believe me, I'm serious! I'd do anything to get rid of this depression that seems to be following you around, I'd do anything just to make you smile, I... if it means dedicating the rest of my life to you, I don't mind. You're worth it. You're... you're beautiful, you're... when you cry, it just makes me want to cry. I try and comfort you, but it never works..."

Marron stared up at Carrot, no longer angry. He looked... broken.

"Niisan, it could never have worked... the only reason I was so sad was because of you... and my stupid, stupid feelings... I... I'm still scared to say it... in case it all falls down around me... Big Mama's the only other one who knows..." Marron closed his eyes, crying. "Don't force me to say it, please, niisan..."

Carrot released one arm from his hold. He reached to stroke Marron's cheek; he didn't shy away. Carrot leant down slightly, and kissed the cheek he'd stroked. Marron's eyes snapped open... Carrot looked at him sadly.

"I won't make you say anything, but... if you wanted me just a fraction of the way I want yo-"

"Niisan, I want you more than anything."

"Marron?"

Marron dissolved into tears again. It took a few moments for his tears to die down, but Carrot waited patiently, not wanting to rush Marron, not wanting to scare him.

"I want you more than anything, but... I'm scared... I've always been scared... and that was why I always cried without telling you why... I love you, niisan. But not just like that. Not only as a brother. I want you, I want to be with you, the nights spent in your arms were the most beautifully painful... I enjoyed them in such a horrible, disgusting way..."

"So much so you started touching yourself over me..."

Marron froze again, his eyes wide... Carrot smiled, looking slightly mischievous.

"... like I did over you."

Marron's blush broke his frozen expression. "Niisan, now I KNOW you're only teasing me..."

"Marron," Carrot's voice was gently chiding. "Look in a mirror. If the person looking back at you isn't the most beautiful person alive, then tell me someone who is... how am I supposed to ignore that? You've always been beautiful... and lately, you've been so beautiful, but so sad..."

"... could we give each other... everything?"

Carrot was caught in the middle of a tangent. He frowned slightly, "What?"

"I... I love you, and... you love me... and... we both love each other more than we should, being brothers... and I want you so badly, and you think I'm beautiful, but... niisan, I'm still scared. I want to give you my heart, but I'm so scared..."

"Don't you think I'm scared too? I have two redheaded temptresses who won't be able to wait to kill me once they find out who I'm actually in love with... but... I know. I don't know how to prove myself to you, but if it means anything, you trapped my heart long ago... we're only swapping them, really."

Marron worked his other arm free, and carefully, slowly wrapped his arms around his brother. He drew him to him, and Carrot let himself be pulled close.

"We just haveta trust each other, otouto. We have so much, really... our love, trust, friendship, family bond... it might be hard to trust each other in a new way, but... we're only building on what we already have. We don't have anything to lose..."

"N... no, I suppose not..." Marron sighed, tightly holding Carrot. Carrot moved so he could loop his hands around Marron's neck. The two of them stayed like that for a while, eyes closed, before Marron opened his;

"So... who wants to tell the others?"

"Man, don't mention them... they... don't really need to really know, do they?"

"I suppose not..."

"... Marron, we know how we feel about each other, so... when I flirt with girls, it's not serious, okay? We're joking about it, but I really don't know how Chocolat and Tira would react... we've been friends with them for so long, it's almost cruel, what we're doing to them... we grew up together, we're all like family. I see them as exceptionally affectionate sisters, but it's nothing compared to what I feel for you..."

"Just as I can't stop Gateau flirting with me, you won't stop flirting with the girls." Marron's lips curled into a slightly twisted smile. "They always reject you anyway."

"I knoooow! What is it with that? Am I not gorgeous?" Carrot spoke with mock indignation.

"Oh, niisan's wonderful. Maybe they can just tell you have your mind on someone else."

Carrot smiled. "Perhaps... hey, Marron?"

"Niisan?"

There was a pause. Carrot looked up from where his head had been resting on Marron's chest. He looked at Marron with a concentrated, intense stare... there was a certain vulnerability in his voice.

"... kiss me?"

Marron complied without hesitation.

Elsewhere in Eden, Big Mama smiled in relief. That'd turned out well, she decided, before turning her mind to more practical ventures.

*End*

2nd January 03

Hey! My first finished fic of the new year!