Star Trek - Series Fan Fiction / Star Wars - Series Fan Fiction ❯ Gung-Ho Gun Hos ❯ 3: Overcompensating ( Chapter 4 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

"What in hell is going on here?!"

Commander John Riehle, commander of Starbase 1337, shook in fear of Fleet Captain Global War On Terror Rice IX. Behind him, the Borg were assimilating the command center, transforming it into God Knows What-- an unwelcome sight to the inspecting officer. "Sir, the Borg are political refugees fleeing persecution in their homeland. They asked for asylum--"

"You let the Borg aboard a Starfleet facility?!"

"Sir, under the Constitution of the United Federation of Planets, no Starfleet officer may deny the right of asylum to any sentient being who requests it. We are obligated to protect these refugees and provide for their needs." Behind Cmdr Riehle, a Borg drone's assimilation tubules extended to inject nanoprobes into him. Bang! "Eek!" Cmdr Riehle looked away as Capt Rice fired a 10.9 x 32.8 mm R (.44 Magnum) round, his head turning to see the expanding full metal jacket (EFMJ) bullet's kinetic energy behead the drone. "Sir, you violated the constitutional rights of a sentient being! I must warn you, I'll be filing a formal complaint to Starfleet Command!"

Capt Rice raised his Colt, Smith & Wesson B-29 revolver, threatening to pistol whip Cmdr Riehle. "I just saved you from getting ass-raped by the Borg!"

"I'll also be filing a formal complaint against your use of homophobic terminology! Not that I'd engage in anal sex, but I respect right to privacy for male homosexuals to--" Cmdr Riehle blushed. "Besides, your violent militaristic attitude probably provoked that drone! I'm sure if you surrendered your weapon and ceased further action against the Borg, we can be united in friendship and--" Another drone interrupted Cmdr Riehle's preaching by injecting nanoprobes into him. "Gasp!"

Capt Rice squeezed the trigger-- the bullet beheaded the drone behind Cmdr Riehle-- heard footsteps behind him, turned to slam the 20.32 centimeters long (8-inch) barrel against a drone's head, and fractured its skull. As the drone fell, others rose in its place like the mythical hydra's heads. "Emergency beam up!" Starbase 1337's command center faded out of sight to be replaced by the transporter room of the USS Miyamoto Musashi, a Galaxy WANK class "explorer" he commanded. "Red alert!" Capt Rice sprinted into the bridge. "The Borg have taken over Starbase 1337's command center-- it must be sterilized!"

"What?!" The bridge crewmembers stopped doubting Capt Rice when the Borg hailed them from Starbase 1337's command center.

"We are political refugees," the Borg claimed. "Lower your shields and donate your ship to the Collective. We will accept them as humanitarian aid and add your biological and technological distinctiveness to our own. Resistance is in violation of the Constitution of the United Federation of Planets."

"Arm the Shock and Awe," Capt Rice ordered. "Target the command center. Fire." The "awe" of a heavy Phaser Enhancement, Nuclear Isotope Surge" (PENIS) cannon opened a hole in the starbase shields. Capt Rice watched the "shock" of three quantum torpedoes shoot towards the starbase, only to bounce harmlessly off its hull plating.

"Sir, the Borg have remotely disarmed the torpedo warheads!" Lieutenant Junior Grade Haruka Tenou, a Gonghe Navy exchange officer serving as the Musashi's tactical officer, reported before a cutting beam cut into the ship's reactive armor. "Ah!"

'They must have gotten the disarmament codes from Commander Riehle.' "Reverse impulse!" A cutting beam reached from the starbase, towards the Musashi as the ship backed away. "90 degrees to starboard. Maximum warp, engage." 'I swear in the name of my great ancestors, the crusaders George Bush and George W. Bush, the space zombies will pay for this!' Capt Rice promised himself as the Musashi made its escape.

<>

GUNG-HO GUN HOS 3: OVERCOMPENSATING

An 'Unnamed Porno Fanfic' fanfic by Sidewinder, 2006 (revised 2009). Based on Darth Fanboy, Falkenhorst, and MKSheppard's story-- itself based on George Lucas and Gene Roddenberry's.

<>

"To the GGV James T. Kirk. May she serve the Gonghe Republic with courage and honor." Capt Spock (retired) poured a cup of scotch into the dilithium chamber-- a ceremonial drink for the ship's spirit-- and closed the hatch. Gonghe government officials and military service members clapped, celebrating the christening of the Navy's newest heavy cruiser, as an orderly refilled the cup. "Thank you." Spock took the scotch bottle, surprising the orderly. The Vulcan drained the cup as he followed the visiting officials to the bridge.

"The Li Xiaolong class assault cruiser," including the Kirk, "is a variant of the Akira class that served with distinction in the Dominion War." A Gonghe Navy officer gave the ship's specifications, which Spock ignored except for, "The 'stretched' hull accommodates a heavy PENIS cannon and its power plant, a matter/antimatter reaction assembly."

'Numbers alone do not determine whether a ship is capable of performing the missions her crew is given.' The Vulcan recalled the USS Enterprise's first five-year mission of exploration, when he and other officers aboard the ship were honored as heroes for fighting off the "evil masks"-- later identified as the Breen-- who attacked the Gonghe capital. 'However, I admit there were incidents where we could use the Kirk's firepower to quickly neutralize a threat, sparing several crewmen from death.' He noticed the ship's dedication plaque. "I don't believe in the no-win scenario." 'What is this unfamiliar emotion? Ah, nostalgia.'

"The Kirk's weapons pod mounts seven torpedo launchers, but it can be replaced with sensor, electronic warfare, or other mission pods. In addition, the Kirk is armed with two forward firing and two rear firing torpedo launchers, eight Hedgehog-19 antitorpedo systems," turrets with 19 micro-torpedo launchers, resembling (and performing the same role as) the SeaRAM missile defense system, "and eight T-10 turrets-- each mounting two medium PENIS cannons, one PENIS emitter, and an independent power plant," the Navy officer continued. "The hangar accommodates..."

"Ahhhh! That hit the spot!" Capt Barry "Bazza" Bogan, Spock's "chauffeur," swaggered towards the Vulcan. "Hey, Spock-boy!" He raised a bottle of Yitian Beer in salute. "You think Kirk will live up to his name?"

"A ship is only as effective as her-- his crew." Spock shook the bottle, listening to the remaining scotch swirl inside.

"Sir." The orderly poured the remaining scotch into the Vulcan's cup. He put the empty bottle in a food slot to be recycled and replaced by a fresh bottle, which he handed to Spock.

"Impressive efficiency." The Vulcan poured himself another drink as he turned to Bazza. "I believe the GGV James T. Kirk will honor the memory of my late friend."

"Good to hear! Hey, orderly!" Bazza shook the empty beer bottle, which the orderly replaced with a fresh one. "What's your next stop? That Leary station we passed on the way-- Cool Cat's?" Leary stations were commercial space stations where marijuana was grown-- Spock was prescribed the "herbal remedy" for his arthritis, and Bazza intended to get some marijuana for himself.

"A logical destination." The Vulcan approached the Gonghe Defense Minister, explained that he was leaving to pick up a prescription, and accepted a toast from the officials present. Spock's face was red from the alcohol consumed when he returned to Bazza's side. "To the Devil."

Bad news greeted the Vulcan when he transported aboard the USS Tasmanian Devil, an Akira class heavy cruiser under Bazza's command. "Sir, we received a priority message from Starfleet HQ: they want you to negotiate with the Borg for the return of Starbase 1337," Ensign Brigitte "Blondie" Bondi reported.

"You mean HQ wants us to retake the starbase. We'll need a lot more firepower than what we got on hand." Bazza shook the now empty beer bottle. "And I'll need a lot more beer before I get drunk enough to take on the Borg again."

"No, HQ wants us to peacefully negotiate with the Borg for the starbase's return," Blondie corrected.

"What?!"

"The Borg claimed they were refugees and asked the starbase commander for asylum. Under the Constitution of the United Federation of Planets, no Starfleet officer may deny the right of asylum to any sentient being who requests it."

"Fuck me!"

"Now?" Blondie shrugged and took off her shirt. "Aye aye." She unzipped Bazza's pants and put on a condom, pushed him onto a chair, and mounted him. Bazza, his face buried between Blondie's breasts, couldn't speak up to correct the ensign's mistake-- nor did he want to.

Spock calmly walked past the officers bouncing on the chair like rabbits in heat, towards Blondie's console, and read the files on Starbase 1337. "John Riehle... promoted to commander for negotiating a ceasefire with General Martok to end the Second Federation-Klingon War... Martok present was in actuality a changeling, and violated the ceasefire... He proved the Federation's willingness to adhere to the ceasefire by allowing General Martok to sodomize him and then performing fellatio to clean his feces off the general's phallus?" The Vulcan's right eyebrow rose-- he was unable to suppress his surprise at this detail. 'Starfleet's standards for selecting officers to be starbase commanders are significantly lower than I expected. If Jim...' Spock's head shook. 'Now is not the time for nostalgia.' He turned towards Bazza and Blondie. "Captain, set a course for the Leary station Cool Cat's." 'I am not doing this without a sufficient supply of marijuana.'

"Gasp!" Bazza's head rose from Blondie's breasts to say, "Aye aye!" before the ensign buried it again.

>

"Are you out of your damn mind?!" Capt Rice demanded.

Admiral Graham Kennedy tried to maintain his dignity by fighting back his tears, but this made him look like he suffered from constipation. "C-Captain Rice, how d-dare you use s-such language with m-m-me! I'm p-putting this on your record! I d-demand th-that you apologize--"

"They are Borg! They came to ass-rape us! They claimed to be political refugees, hoping we'd be stupid enough to drop our pants for them! And we did!"

Adm Kennedy now looked so constipated, his rectum was trying to expel his vertebral column. "I'm also r-r-reprimanding you for using p-p-politically offensive language. M-male homosexuals have the right to--"

Capt Rice ended communications with the Admiral. "Captain Rice to Trigger-Happy," he called to his combadge.

"This is Chu'wI'Quch."

"Captain Rice to Trigger-Happy, report to the bridge ASAP," as soon as possible. After the executive officer (XO)-- known as "Trigger-happy," the meaning of his name-- entered the bridge, Capt Rice said, "Commander Chu'wI'Quch, you have command. I'm retiring to my room."

"Yes, Sir," the Klingon male answered.

Capt Rice marched into his room, locked the door, and faced a communications console. "Computer, open secure channel Alpha One-Four dash Sierra Three-One, authorization Golf Niner-One-One Whiskey Two-Zero Bravo Zero-One."

A humanoid silhouette, framed by red light, appeared onscreen. "Report."

"Admiral Ass-Kisser," a nickname Adm Kennedy earned for the diplomatic and economic concessions he was willing to give for his pacifist ideals, "demands a diplomatic solution to the Borg occupation of Starbase 1337, as if he can talk the space zombies out of ass-raping the Federation."

The silhouette nodded. "Spock has been ordered to negotiate with the Borg for the starbase's return. I want you to protect Spock during negotiations."

"You want Spock to take care of the Borg while I sit with my thumb up my ass?"

"You are to protect Spock-- with lethal force if necessary-- against the Borg and their proxies, such as Borg sympathizers within the Federation."

"If I must fight Borg sympathizers within the Federation, I must hire mercenaries for support." Capt Rice transmitted a list of names and contact information.

"Can we trust these mercenaries?"

"We can trust them to do their job-- kill enemy combatants-- better than we can trust someone from Starfleet HQ."

"Very well." The silhouette transmitted an account number. "Remember, the Borg cannot be trusted-- they will attempt to assimilate Spock, you will be forced to order their destruction, and Spock will support your order as a logical one."

Capt Rice smiled. "Good plan."

"Execute it with extreme prejudice." The silhouette ended communications.

>

The Musashi and ten private military vessels (PMVs) greeted the Devil as she reentered Federation space.

Bazza noticed two PMVs were Constitution WANK class heavy cruisers whose navigational deflectors were replaced by heavy PENIS cannons. "Crickey, those things can destroy the Devil with one shot!"

"By my calculations, one shot from a heavy PENIS cannon is insufficient to destroy this ship," Spock corrected. "One shot followed by a volley of three photon torpedoes is sufficient."

"I hope those boys are on our side."

"Sir, the Musashi is hailing us," Blondie reported. Bazza pressed a button on the armrest's integral remote control to change the channel, putting Capt Rice onscreen.

"Mister Spock, this is Fleet Captain Global War on Terror Rice IX of the Miyamoto Musashi."

"Fuck me," Bazza whispered, "it's Cat O' Nine," a nickname Capt Rice earned for the strict discipline aboard his ships.

"We're here to escort you to Starbase 1337 for negotiations with the Borg," Capt Rice stated.

"Your offer is accepted," Spock answered. "I would rather the Federation not act in such a militaristic manner, but the proverb, 'It is better to have and not need than to need and not have,' holds truth."

Capt Rice smiled. "A man of ideas as well as ideals. I'm impressed, Mister Spock."

Blondie's monitor displayed data on the Musashi: a mercenary company bought the stardrive section and connected it to a saucer section designed to land and support a mechanized infantry battalion, but high operations costs led the company to sell the "assault ship" to the Federation. The Musashi received enhanced shield emitters, reactive armor plates, a "spoiler" mounting two impulse engines and two PENIS emitters between the warp nacelles, two additional torpedo launchers and ten Hedgehog-19 mounts-- four on the saucer and one on the spoiler's (support pillar's) topsides, two on the saucer and three on the stardrive sections' undersides. Medium PENIS cannons (in T-5 turrets) and scar-like PENIS emitters replaced less powerful weapons nicknamed "labia minora" or worse. A heavy PENIS cannon replaced the navigational deflector-- records state the cannons were removed, but Blondie suspected the records were falsified, as the cannon power plants were retained. "Someone's overcompensating."

"There's no such thing as 'overcompensating' when facing the Borg," Bazza countered, remembering his own battles against the "space zombies." He wanted a heavy PENIS cannon for his own ship-- he was even willing to do without replicated beer and pretzels, as replacing the navigational deflector meant the ship needed enhanced shield emitters with gigantic energy requirements-- but Starfleet Headquarters turned down his request on the grounds that the weapon emitted deadly delta radiation, it was inhumane, and it wasn't needed for Starfleet's scientific and diplomatic missions. Spock had to personally plead his case before Starfleet HQ-- the Vulcan threatened to leak details on Adm Kennedy's affair with a 17-year-old cadet-- for money to pay a Gonghe armament company to mount eight Hedgehogs and four T-10 turrets on the Devil.

The fleet sailed to Starbase 1337, which the Borg rebuilt to resemble an elastrator, a castration instrument. "I don't like the look of this," Bazza said, his hand instinctively shielding his genitals.

"I agree despite all logic," Spock admitted, reaching for the Walther PPK semiautomatic pistol under his coat. "Starbase 1337's post-assimilation appearance provokes fear in me. Nonetheless, we must perform our duty. Full power to shields, alert security teams, remain outside of Starbase 1337's transporter range." 'I will not allow myself to be anally violated for diplomatic reasons.' "Hail them."

Cmdr Riehle, now assimilated, appeared onscreen. "I am T-1000 of Refugee Camp 1337. Your life, as it has been, is over. From this time forward, you will provide humanitarian service to us."

"Commander Riehle--"

"The designation 'Commander Riehle' is obsolete. I am T-1000 of Refugee Camp 1337."

"Very well, T-1000. Starbase 1337 is a Starfleet installation. The Borg are unlawfully occupying an installation they are not authorized to use-- I believe the legal term is 'squatting'-- and must evacuate the installation and return any Starfleet personnel and property they have assimilated."

"The installation Refugee Camp 1337, the biological organisms and the technological artifacts aboard were donated as humanitarian aid to the Borg, under the orders of Commander John Riehle, in accordance to the Constitution of the United Federation of Planets."

"Commander Riehle--" "The designation 'Commander Riehle' is obsolete--" "Acted beyond the powers granted him by Starfleet. He was not authorized to surrender the installation and the personnel under his command--" "Resistance is in violation of the Constitution--" "If you need a planet to colonize, I can call for a colony ship and order her captain to transport the Borg to an uninhabited planet, but Starbase 1337 must be returned--" "By denying us the use of this installation, you are violating our constitutional rights. We will be filing a formal complaint to..."

The Vulcan was losing his emotional control, becoming angry at T-1000 for the constant interruptions. "End communications with the Borg." Blondie complied. "Hail the Musashi," Spock ordered, followed by, "Captain Rice, it is my understanding that the Borg are using Commander Riehle's disarmament codes to nullify torpedo attacks from a Starfleet vessel. Will the mercenary vessels' weapons be effective against the assimilated starbase?"

"Captain Rice to Musashi Battle Group. Shock and Awe, Shock and Awe."

"Stop!" The PMV The Freedom Fighter Osama bin Laden, an Excelsior class "explorer," sailed in front of the Musashi to stop her from attacking Starbase 1337. It was pointless-- the Musashi's weapons weren't firing, but other PMVs were. "You're violating the constitutional rights of sentient beings!" The bin Laden sailed in front of the PMV Death Before Dishonor, a K't'inga WANK class battlecruiser, and was hit by photon torpedo. "Eek!"

"Captain of the Death Before Dishonor to the Captain of The Freedom Fighter Osama bin Laden. Cease this nonsense or I'll shove my bat'leth so far up your ass, you'll cut your tongue on its blade!" the Klingon mercenary captain transmitted, shaking his honor sword at the viewscreen.

"Premature and excessive," Spock noted of Capt Rice's actions.

"Cease fire," T-1000 demanded as the PMVs' awesome firepower overwhelmed the Borg's ability to adapt their defenses. "You are violating our constitutional rights. We will be filing a--" PENIS cannon fire destroyed the command center, silencing him.

"But ultimately necessary," the Vulcan added.

"Captain Rice to Musashi Battle Group. Cease fire, cease fire." The bombardment reduced the starbase to its space frame-- a burning skeleton. "Send security teams aboard Starbase 1337 to sterilize Borg infection and secure core facilities."

"That was fast," Bazza noted. "Let's head down to Risa and celebrate the mission's success."

Beep, beep! "Sir, we received a priority message from Starfleet HQ: the Borg have occupied Risa and captured Admiral Kennedy. HQ wants Mister Spock to negotiate with the Borg for the Admiral's return."

"Fuck me!"

"Do we have time for that?" Blondie asked.

"Spock-boy?"

The Vulcan looked over Blondie's shoulder to read the message. "Hail the Musashi."

"Mister Spock, I ordered Starbase 1337's sterilization because the Borg acted in a hostile manner," Capt Rice stated. "Please testify we acted in self-defense..."

"He's covering his ass," Blondie whispered.

"He's covering our asses too," Bazza whispered back. "I'm not letting the Borg ass-rape me for Admiral Ass-Kisser's sake, and I'm not letting Admiral Ass-Kisser ass-rape me for not letting the Borg ass-rape me."

"Captain Rice, the Borg have occupied Risa and captured Admiral Kennedy. Starfleet HQ has given Admiral Kennedy's safe return priority over Starbase 1337's recovery, and ordered us to travel to Risa and negotiate with the Borg. Time is vital-- logically, the starbase must be scuttled to prevent the Borg from using it as a staging area for attacks against our rear," Spock stated with suppressed anger. 'The kid gloves have been removed. It is time to kick the Borg's collective buttocks.'

"Yes, Sir." Capt Rice hailed the PMVs, ordering them to recall the security teams before bombarding Starbase 1337 to subatomic particles.

"Fuck. I wonder if Captain Rice masturbates while firing off those cannons of his?" Blondie deadpanned.

Capt Rice wasn't masturbating to Starbase 1337's destruction, but Trigger-Happy was-- the Klingon's penis hammered the vagina of an Emergency Medical Hologram (EMH) Mark IV as he watched the Shock and Awe on an overhead monitor. "Fuck yes!" Trigger-Happy roared as the holographic woman moaned.

"Captain Bogan, set a course for Risa," Spock ordered. "Match speeds with the Musashi-- it is illogical to overtake our escort."

"Aye, Sir."

"That means we have 70 minutes before we get to Risa." Blondie unzipped Bazza's pants, put on a condom, and mounted him.

Spock sat down, lit a blunt, and inhaled deeply to savor the marijuana. "I am becoming too old for this excrement," he thought as Blondie and Bazza bounced like rabbits in heat beside him.

>>

Adm Kennedy moaned in pain and pleasure as a drone sodomized him, pumping nanoprobes into the capillaries lining his intestinal wall. He felt the molecular disassembly of his cells as the nanoprobes rearranged them into mechanical components-- then blades extended from the drone's right hand to remove his testes and scrotum. "Ahhhh!" The pain of castration put him in shock, allowing the Borg Collective's hive mind to overwhelm his. A second drone attached a nanoprobe reservoir to the vas deferens as a third drone attached blades to the right hand-- Adm Kennedy was now an assimilation drone, programmed to sodomize other humanoids and inject nanoprobes into them.

The Borg Queen watched the new assimilation drone join the others in her command center, formerly an exclusive resort for Starfleet admirals. A former member of Species 180-- Ferengi, the most perverted species in the galaxy-- memories of a pornographic film depicting "pegging," a female using a strap-on dildo to anally penetrate a male, inspired her to develop the rapid assimilation process. "Status of Project 696's construction," she demanded.

"40%, estimated time of completion is 8.751 to 9.223 hours," a drone reported.

"Continue with the assimilation of the planet's population and order the newly activated drones, with the exception of assimilation drones, to accelerate Project 696's construction. We must be prepared when the Persecutor arrives."

The Borg didn't detect a spyder-- a small four-legged robot trailing a cable into the room. 'Oh shit,' Fanboy cursed, watching images transmitted through the cable. A mercenary infamous for his brutal efficiency, Fanboy came to spend some "quality time" with a Risan female quartet he befriended-- he was fucking Risan One and French kissing Risan Two, who straddled Risan One's head so her tongue could reach into Risan Two's vagina, while Risans Three and Four sucked on each other's clitorises-- when Adm Kennedy interrupted the "Musical Horga'hn" radio broadcast to report a Borg "refugee ship" was detected in orbit, the Borg were given political asylum, and the people of Risa should treat the Borg with kindness and respect. Fanboy led the Risans towards the Skullfucker, a Firespray class patrol ship whose warp nacelles were disguised photon torpedo launchers, only to meet a Starfleet ensign who gave him a receipt-- redeemable in Federation credits-- for the ship they confiscated and donated to the Borg as humanitarian aid. After he broke the ensign's legs, Fanboy spent an hour seeking a way to evacuate his girlfriends and himself from the doomed planet. 'At least I don't have to hear Admiral Ass-Kisser's bitching.' He watched the Queen activate a hologram of drones disassembling Starfleet vessels-- part of the Risan Defense Perimeter before they were donated as humanitarian aid-- for parts to complete Project 696. 'That looks like a ship. Maybe...' He heard footsteps behind him, and attached a sound suppressor to his MK23 Mod 1 semiautomatic pistol.

"Starfleet-Romulan-Klingon vessels detected." A drone reported the ships' locations and headings. "Configurations: Galaxy class battleship with structural modifications, one. Akira class heavy cruiser with structural modifications, one. Constitution WANK class heavy cruiser, two. Excelsior class heavy cruiser, one. D'deridex class assault ship with structural modifications, one. K't'inga WANK class battlecruiser, three. K'Vort WANK class cruiser, three. Assessment: Starfleet-Romulan-Klingon vessels pose a moderate threat to the mission." Boom! The Queen took cover in her alcove as a photon torpedo collapsed the roof-- she exited the alcove to see the drone impaled upon a fallen rafter. "Correction: Starfleet-Romulan-Klingon vessels pose a major threat to--" A second rafter spilled the drone's brain upon the floor, killing her.

'Maybe not.' Fanboy pushed his shield-- the assimilation drone he heard behind him, the head split in half by glass from a falling ceiling light-- off his chest. The mercenary looked through the hole in the ceiling to see two robots fly overhead. 'MS-9 Dominators. Height: 18.6 meters. Weight: 62.6 tons empty, 81.8 tons fully loaded. Armament: one chest-mounted PENIS emitter, 24 forearm-mounted chaff grenade launchers, one handheld Warthog torpedo volley system or light PENIS cannon with retractable power bayonet. I want one.'

The Queen's response to the sight was to hail the Musashi. "We are political refugees. You are violating our constitutional rights as sentient beings. Lower your shields and--"

>

Trigger-Happy answered the hail by retracting a panel to reveal a hidden T-5 turret, firing a medium PENIS cannon through the hole in the command center ceiling, and vaporizing the Queen's legs. "Shut the fuck up!" He allowed Haruka to return to her console while the Klingon returned to the captain's chair.

"How does it feel to strike down your enemies like Thor throwing his hammer?" Haruka asked.

"I'd feel better if Starfleet HQ allowed us to buy another squadron of mechanized strikers," Trigger-Happy answered, watching Capt Rice's MS-14S Gladiator lead the mercenaries' MS-9s in battle against the Borg.

>

The Risans and their guests, imprisoned within concentration camps guarded by assimilation drones, had mixed feelings towards the ex-Gonghe Army mechanized strikers flying overhead. "That one bears the Starfleet insignia! We're saved!" "Those robots--" "Mechanized strikers." "They're good for nothing but war, and war is good for nothing! Starfleet is not a military organization! It shouldn't display such militarism like those Gung-Ho," Gonghe, "firearms fetishists!" A MS-9's Warthog fired at the guard towers flanking the concentration camp gate. "They just violated the constitutional rights of the concentration camp guards!" "Fuck the guards! We're free!" "We cannot leave! The Borg have asked us to donate our bodies to their Collective as humanitarian aid! As Federation citizens, we must--" An assimilation drone pushed the "donor" against a razor wire fence, pulled down his pants, and sodomized him-- the prisoner shouted, "Do not-- oh! Abandon-- ah! The Federation's ideals-- ow! We must-- ah! Respect the Borg's-- oh! Cultural practices-- ow!" as others stampeded out of the concentration camp.

>

Blue streaks rose from the resort, toward the orbiting ships. "Bogies, 25, Type 6, Type 7 shuttles." A MS-9 pilot reported their headings. "Antimatter warning-- it's in the shuttle cargo bays. Looks like the Borg converted them into Feng Shen," Wing Gods, obsolete fighters converted into long-range torpedoes. "Borg life signs detected-- they're kamikaze." Gonghe military Feng Shen were unmanned and computer-controlled. "Stupid space zombies. Firing torpedoes." "Firing PENIS." The MS-9s shot down three shuttles before the others climbed out of range.

"Arm Hedgehogs! Aim phasers! We must destroy the shuttles before they destroy us!" Trigger-Happy ordered.

"No!" the captain of the bin Laden protested as his ship sailed between the other ships and the incoming shuttles. "There are humanoid life forms aboard!"

"Borg drones detected aboard incoming shuttles," Haruka confirmed.

"I won't let you commit murder by attacking refugee ships!"

"What is this nonsense?! We have sensor data indicating they're carrying large quantities of antimatter!" Trigger-Happy stated.

"The sensor data must have been falsified, because it was transmitted by a lying, thieving mercenary! We--" Three Feng Shen rammed the bin Laden before detonating their warheads, vaporizing it.

"Hedgehogs Seven, Eight, Nine, and Ten firing," Haruka reported as phaser and disruptor fire and micro-torpedo volleys intercepted the 19 remaining Feng Shen.

The mercenary captain's actions bewildered the helmsman. "Why the fuck is Captain Moore so hostile towards mercenaries? He's one himself."

Haruka accessed Capt Moore's records from the tactical database. "Captain The Voice of Truth Moore X... served in Starfleet before immigrating to the Gonghe Republic and forming the Fahrenheit 9/11 Freedom Fighters' Company." She played a video of Capt Moore.

"The Gung-Ho Republic is a savage mob of sociopathic firearms fetishists who depend on lying, thieving mercenaries to maintain order by ruthlessly oppressing the poor, exploited citizens of their worlds!" the late mercenary captain ranted, mispronouncing the Republic's name.

'How does one oppress and exploit a savage mob of sociopathic firearms fetishists?' the bridge crew wondered.

"I will reform this capitalist, militaristic society, making it conform to the Federation ideals of communism and pacifism, by joining the Gung-Ho Navy to destroy that brutal, oppressive order from within!" The first video ended-- a second showed a depressed Capt Moore cry, "How dare the Gung-Ho Navy reject me, a Starfleet officer, for failing a drug test?! As an outstanding citizen of the Federation, it is my duty take diacetylmorphine," heroin, "to suppress the negative emotions of greed, aggression, and jealousy, allowing me to submerge my own identity into the group consciousness to which I belong. Fortunately, Admiral Kennedy donated the USS Washington to support my efforts." Capt Moore's expression became maniacal. "I have renamed the ship in honor of a true freedom fighter, Osama bin Laden, erasing the shame of having a slave owner as a namesake-- I will become a mercenary myself and drive all other mercenaries out of business, forcing the Gung-Ho Republic to emancipate its poor, exploited citizens from the threat of violence!"

Haruka turned Trigger-Happy. "Why did we hire him?"

"Considering the fact that Admiral Kennedy donated a ship to Captain Moore, it is possible the Admiral supported Captain Moore's efforts to reform the Gonghe Republic, and Captain Rice hired mercenaries based on recommendations from Starfleet officers without noticing who gave the recommendations," the science officer stated.

"Unlikely. Knowing Captain Rice, he probably saw this as an opportunity to eliminate a potential liability. Nonetheless," the Klingon retrieved a personal access display device (PADD) from his cargo pocket. "Note: advise Captain Rice not to accept Starfleet officers' recommendations at face value," he recorded.

>

Fanboy learned of the Feng Shen attack through the Skullfucker's communicator, which could intercept and decrypt Starfleet transmissions. On one hand, he couldn't hijack a shuttle and fly his girlfriends and himself off Risa-- as a mercenary, he knew the others now viewed all shuttles departing Risa as potential threats, and would shoot first, ask questions later. On the other hand, the fact that his ship forwarded the intercepted transmission to his helmet-mounted communicator suggested it remained functional, and he could fly the Skullfucker to safety. He quietly stepped around fallen rafters and Borg corpses, towards the weather control station where his girlfriends were.

"Halt! Who goes there?" female voices demanded, aiming Thompson M1928 submachine guns at him.

"The monster cock that's going in your tight pussies," the mercenary answered.

"Oh, Fanboy!" The Risans lowered the guns and rubbed their breasts against his arms and legs after he entered the station.

"Hush, Girls. I have a plan to get us out of here. We have to sneak into the Borg command center, dodging both Borg drones and trigger-happy MS," mechanized striker, "pilots to get to my ship. It's risky, but--"

"We trust you." "We know you'll protect us." "We'll follow you to hell and back." "Let's get out of here so we can go back to fucking!"

"Good girls."

>

Two drones operated on their Queen, replacing the legs she lost to phaser fire. A third approached her to report, "Project 696's propulsion systems are complete. Weapons arrays are 57.46% complete, shield emitters are 56.34% complete-- they will provide complete coverage of the bow and port side, partial coverage of the starboard side and the dorsal and ventral surfaces, and no coverage of the stern."

"Time is critical. Load the uninstalled components aboard Project 696 for later installment. Evacuate the command center and launch Project 696 once I am--" The Queen watched the drone's head explode. "Who dares?"

Fanboy's sound-suppressed MK23 sent a saboted light armor penetrator (SLAP) into each drone's head, killing them. "Don't mind us, we're just passing through." He stepped past the command center entrance, stepped backwards, and stared at the Queen. "Do I know you?" The mercenary aimed at a bar of gold-pressed latinum hanging from a golden chain around the Queen's neck. "You're Brunt-- Liquidator Brunt of the Ferengi Commerce Authority!"

"The designations 'Liquidator' and 'Brunt' are obsolete--"

"That's no excuse for cheating me of my pay!" Fanboy kicked the transsexual Ferengi's kneecap, broke the leg in half, and took the latinum.

"How dare you? I am Borg! Return the latinum or--" The Queen felt Fanboy's steel-toed boot impact her forehead, slamming her against the floor.

"Fanboy?"

"Coming, Girls." He led the Risans to an underground theater-- scene of the Starfleet admirals' orgies, now the assembly site for Project 696-- and found the Skullfucker buried under a pile of scrap metal, ignored because the Borg couldn't assimilate the extra-galactic technology in the ship. 'No wonder I couldn't remote control it-- the scrap metal was fucking with my transmissions. What?! Motherfucking space zombies scratched the paint! I'll have their hides for this!' Fanboy began clearing away scrap metal piled in front of the Skullfucker's ramp. When the assembly site guards approached the ship, the mercenary threw the scrap metal at the Borg, dismembering, disemboweling, and decapitating the unlucky drones. 'I feel better now.'

"Are you okay, Fanboy?" "I hope you didn't hurt your back with all that heavy lifting." "Yeah! I wanna ride your cock until I explode, and I cannot do that if your back is hurt!"

"I'm fine." The mercenary smiled to reassure the Risans as the ramp lowered.

"What are those things? Why are they glowing?" Risan One pointed at two orifices on Project 696's stern.

Fanboy stopped smiling when he identified the orifices as impulse drives. "Go, go, go!" He slapped each Risan's buttocks as the females boarded the Skullfucker, and sprinted to the cockpit. The ramp automatically rose behind the mercenary, separating him from the superheated plasma shooting from Project 696's orifices.

>

Capt Rice aimed his Warthog at the Borg vessel rising from the resort's burning ruins, but confusion stayed his hand. "What in hell is that?!"

"Sensors show the ship is armed with multi-kinetic neutronic mines. The design is apparently a Borg minelayer vessel modified with technology from a Species 8472 bioship, but I do not understand why it was structurally modified to resemble a marital aid," the science officer transmitted.

Project 696 was based on the minelayer the Borg planned to use against Species 8472, the multi-kinetic neutronic mines modified so the blast would spread enhanced nanoprobes across entire star systems. The Borg Queen ordered it modified to resemble a blow-up doll to intimidate the average Starfleet officer and deter attacks.

Capt Rice wasn't an average Starfleet officer-- he felt insulted by the sight of a giant blow-up doll. "Fire at will!" The robots formed an anvil, the orbiting ships formed a hammer, and their combined firepower began beating the shit out of Project 696.

The Queen expressed no fear, ignoring the armor plates blown off Project 696 as the vessel rose into orbit. "Target the Starfleet-Romulan-Klingon vessels." Tractor beams locked on the Devil, the D'deridex class warbird, a K't'inga WANK class battlecruiser, and two K'Vort WANK class birds-of-prey as panels on Project 696's "nipples" opened to reveal 14 gravimetric torpedo launchers. "Fire!"

"Fire Hedgehogs!" Four mounts on the battlecruiser and two on each bird-of-prey fired micro-torpedoes to intercept incoming torpedoes.

"Arm Hydras." The warbird had eight mounts for a Hedgehog variant modified to fire Romulan torpedoes. "Fire." 'We were fortunate to serve under Admiral Shinzon during the Dominion War-- a Romulan would never have authorized the purchase of this weapon,' the Reman mercenary captain thought.

Bazza gave a similar order. "Arm Hedgehogs! Fire!"

"Captain, we received a prefix code! It's lowered our shields and disarmed our weapons!" Blondie reported.

"The Borg must have assimilated a Starfleet admiral and retrieved the code from his or her memory," Spock noted.

"Fuck me!" Bazza cursed, watching an incoming gravimetric torpedo onscreen.

"I might as well get one last orgasm." Blondie unzipped Bazza's pants.

Boom! Bazza's eyes reopened to see static clouding the viewscreen. "We're still alive?"

The static cleared to show a Constitution 2 class heavy cruiser dive in front of the Devil. "Good news, Mister Spock! The new spoiler smoothes out the ride, increasing the Enterprise Senior's warp and sublight velocities-- and it looks handsome mounted between the warp nacelles!" Capt Montgomery "Scotty" Scott (retired) hailed.

"I am grateful for your assistance, Mister Scott," Spock said.

"Can you also assist us in overriding the fucking prefix code so we can get our fucking shields and weapons back?" Bazza added.

"Press and hold 'Control,' 'Alt,' 'Delete' to restart the computer," Scotty answered.

"Just like that?!"

Project 696's "legs" opened. "The Borg vessel is arming mines," Haruka warned.

"Shock and Awe! Don't let the Borg vessel lay mines!" Trigger-Happy ordered.

PENIS cannon and torpedo fire interrupted the Queen’s protests. "We-- political refugees. You-- violating-- constitutional rights-- beings. Lower-- shields-- donate-- ships-- humanitarian aid."

"Who are they refugees from, anyways?" Bazza wondered.

"It is possible the Borg falsely claimed to be refugees," Spock began.

A bioship suddenly appeared above Project 696. "Bogie, one, Species 8472--" Haruka watched the ship transform into a giant robot. "What in hell?!"

The giant robot drew two sabers-- the blades burned red as the cutting mechanisms were activated-- and slashed. Like swordsmen in Chinese martial arts films who projected qi as long-range attacks, the robot's shields extended to cut Project 696 to pieces.

"It is also possible the Borg are, in fact, refugees who abused the Federation's policies on granting political asylum and providing humanitarian aid," Spock finished.

As the robot faced the PMVs, his appearance bewildered the Reman mercenary captain. "Admiral Shinzon?"

"I am Jean-Luc Picard, a former member of Starfleet, a former citizen of the United Federation of Planets," the robot declared. "The Borg Collective kidnapped me, violated my mind and body by assimilating me, violated my soul by making me act against my principles. Those who claim to be New Humans violated the Federation for which I was willing to give my life-- they are traitors who abandoned the founding principles of the Federation, and who abandoned me to the Collective. Now I am free of the Collective, free of the physical and mental restraints preventing me from exacting revenge." He raised a saber in salute. "I must destroy the Borg and their New Human collaborators to save the Federation! Strength in honor! Honor in victory!" The robot transformed to bioship mode and disappeared.

"What the fuck was he talking about?" Trigger-Happy echoed the thoughts of everyone in the battle group.

"I don't know, but I want his MS," Capt Rice said.

Blondie heard an alarm as the Devil's computer restarted, canceling the prefix code's effects. "Captain, we received a priority message from Starfleet HQ: a giant robot is attacking the Ba'ku settlement. HQ wants us to negotiate with the giant robot--"

"Tell Starfleet Headquarters our ship is severely damaged and we cannot comply. I no longer have the tolerance for this excrement." Spock turned to the replicator. "Tortilla chips, nacho cheese and jalapeno pepper slices covered, hot." He took the plate of nachos to his chair, lit a blunt, and inhaled deeply to suppress the emotions aroused today.

>>

"IKS Lukara's Honor to unidentified vessel. You are entering Klingon space. Halt and identify yourself or we will destroy you."

"Cha'ghel, baby! It's me, Fanboy!" The alarm fell silent-- the Vor'cha class attack cruiser no longer targeted the Skullfucker-- as a Klingon female appeared onscreen.

"Fanboy! What the fuck have you been doing?" Colonel Cha'ghel asked, smiling.

"I was spending some quality time with some Risans when the Borg attacked. Mind if I hitch a ride to Qo'noS so Hemi can fix my ship?"

"Only if those Risan females enjoy the taste of a Klingon female's vaginal lubrication." Cha'ghel's eyes burned with lust as she stared at the Risans seated behind Fanboy.

"She looks hot," Risan Four whispered to Risan Three. "Totally-- I won't mind licking her pussy," Risan Three whispered back.

"Sure! Let us in and we'll join you in the shower." Fanboy saw the attack cruiser's shuttlebay doors open, and piloted the Skullfucker aboard the Lukara's Honor.

>

"Ahhhh! My balls! Where are my balls?!"

"The Admiral has regained consciousness," a medic reported.

Adm Kennedy found himself in a field hospital set up near a smoking crater where the resort once stood. Not that he'd recognize it-- the Borg demolished most buildings on Risa to recycle the construction materials, reducing homes to holes in the ground. The Musashi saucer section was parked nearby, two ramps lowered to deploy mechanized strikers, self-propelled artillery, infantry fighting vehicles, and infantry. "Where are my balls?"

"The Borg removed your testes and scrotum, replacing them with a nanoprobe reservoir when they assimilated you. Don't worry, I have friends in Gonghe who'll provide clone replacements for 50 bars of latinum," the medic answered.

"Clone replacement?"

"You order a clone of yourself, which is kept in stasis until you need replacement organs-- then a doctor will harvest the clone's organs and implant them into you."

"That's murder!"

"Legally, a clone in stasis has the same legal rights as an unborn fetus-- you won't be prosecuted for aborting the fetus or killing the clone."

"A clone is p-potentially a sentient b-b-being! By exploiting th-the clone for replacement organs, you're v-v-violating the c-constitutional rights--"

Capt Rice kicked Adm Kennedy's cot, making the eunuch cry. "Get your head out of your ass! The Borg were violating Federation citizens and their constitutional rights! Stop sucking the Borg's collective dicks like they're the victims!"

"H-how d-d-dare you? C-captain Rice, you will b-b-be court m-martialed you for your use of h-homophobic--" Nine 7.65 x 17 mm SR (.32 ACP) rounds were fired into Adm Kennedy's head and chest, killing him.

The shooter's speed and stealth surprised Capt Rice, who instinctively drew and aimed two .44 Magnum revolvers in the shooter's direction. "Mister Spock?"

The Vulcan reloaded his PPK and waved his hand in front of the medic's eyes. "The Borg installed self-destruct charges in drones assimilated after 2377-- a failsafe to prevent drones that have left the Collective from becoming a threat, such as Seven of Nine, alias Annika Hansen. You were unaware of the failsafe's existence, and cannot be held accountable for Admiral Kennedy's death. Please inform the medical teams of this danger, Doctor."

"Yes, Sir." The medic repeated Spock's words to his combadge, as if he was hypnotized.

"Neat trick."

Spock holstered the now useless PPK-- Capt Rice's tactical suit protected him from the bullets-- and faced the human. "I have helped you by executing Admiral Kennedy and altering the witness' memories so you will not be prosecuted for his death-- you will not be court martialed for your conduct in negotiations with the Borg, and you will remain in command of the Musashi. Now you will help me."

"Help you?"

"You were given financial support to hire the mercenaries who comprised the Musashi Battle Group. You expected testimony and evidence-- possibly falsified-- to deter prosecution for your use of militaristic means of ending this crisis, instead of the diplomatic means demanded by Starfleet Headquarters. I assume you have the support of powerful individuals within the Federation, possibly Section 31. I want your supporters to support me as well."

Capt Rice heard footsteps behind him and kept one revolver aimed at Spock as the second revolver was aimed rearwards, forcing Scotty to freeze. "For what reason?"

"I want to be President of the United Federation of Planets so I may restore the principles that made the Federation a great power, principles the crew of the USS Enterprise NCC-1701 were willing to give their lives for-- principles denounced by the New Humans, resulting in these 'Dark Ages' where the constitutional rights of our enemies are protected at the expense of the rights of our citizens. Individuals will again be free to express-- or suppress-- their individual emotions instead of being forced to submerge their own identities into the New Humans' group consciousness, and I will again be free to smoke a blunt without having a New Human complain that the marijuana smoke is contaminating the air in his personal space."

Capt Rice smiled, holstering his revolvers. "A man of ideas as well as ideals. You have my support, and will likely have the support of my supporters. I'll contact them now." He marched towards the Musashi's saucer.

Scotty ran to his friend. "Are ye really going to go through with this plan, Mister Spock?"

"It is the most logical course of action," the Vulcan answered.

"And the legalization of marijuana?"

"It is also logical, considering marijuana's medical uses."

Scotty smiled and put his arm around Spock's shoulders. "Well, ye got my vote!"

<>

Not the end.

I apologize if you're confused by the renumbering. 'The Price of Freedom is...' was originally chapter one's side story-- then I realized this wouldn't work, thanks to the stories' timeframes.

I changed the Klingon characters' names in 2008. Cha'ghel, which means "two, ask a question" or "bi-curious," was originally named Bai'Ku'rioS. Chu'wI'Quch was originally named Trigga'Happi. What can I say? I couldn't find a Klingon-English dictionary when I began writing in 2006.

Li Xiaolong, "Li the Little Dragon," was Bruce Lee's stage name-- his namesake does to enemy warships what Bruce Lee did to his enemies: beat the shit out of them. WANK stands for "Warrior Armament, Naval Kind" for those who didn't read the previous stories.

If you're curious about Capt Rice's guns, assume Colt and Smith & Wesson merged after World War III. Metric units are used because the company headquarters are in the Gonghe Republic-- the Federation bans firearms as "inhumane" weapons.

Mechanized strikers are based on mobile suits from Sunrise and Tomino Yoshiyuki's 'Mobile Suit Gundam', adapted for 'Star Trek' technology and renamed because "Gelgoog" is a stupid name for a killing machine. The Dominator was armed with a saber, like the Dom in 'Gundam'-- I changed this to a bayonet under its rifle (the light PENIS cannon) so the pilot wouldn't look like a suicidal fool.