Supernatural Fan Fiction ❯ Out of the Mouths of Babes ❯ Weirdness ( Chapter 11 )

[ P - Pre-Teen ]

Chapter 11
 
Sam woke up feeling just as exhausted, if not more so, than he'd been when he'd gone to sleep, and his first thought was, Well, that doesn't make any sense… Maybe he was getting sick. Maybe he would blow off classes for the day, stay in bed and let Jess do her Florence Nightingale routine. That might be nice…
 
Sam turned gingerly onto his side, and saw his brother lying on a pallet set up between their beds. Dean had obviously been watching him for a while, and now he said quietly, “Hey.”
 
Sam closed his eyes and sent out his reply with his next breath. “Hey.” He blinked, and frowned. “Why're you on the floor?”
 
Dean rolled his shoulders and neck, stretching out the kinks, and said, “I let Ryuji take the bed.”
 
Sam's eyes snapped wide open, and he managed to struggle up into a half-seated position. “Ryuji! Where'd he go? You promised he'd be here—I…”
 
“Hey, hey, calm down,” Dean said soothingly, sitting up. “I sent him out to get you some food.” He nudged Sam with his elbow with a muttered, “Move over,” and situated himself in the vacant space on the bed, sitting against the headboard, Sam lying down again next to him. He watched his brother for a long time and then asked, “So how're you feeling? And don't give me the same B.S. answer you gave your friends.”
 
The question was off-the-cuff, casual on the surface, and it was a mark of how long they'd been apart that it took Sam a whole minute to pick out the concern—or maybe it was just a mark of how tightly wrapped he was in his grief.
 
But either way, Dean had just asked him a sincere question, had genuinely opened the floor for what could only be described as an homage to chick-flickdom. It was a rare opportunity, and Sam seized it.
 
“I…don't have a clue, actually. Last night, while my mind was still working, I tried to figure it out, but the truth is, I don't feel a damn thing. And that's scaring me. I'm scared of this hole that seems to be inside me, but…I don't know how to fill it up. It used to be her that filled it up, but now…” Sam sighed and wiped at his eyes with a bitter little chuckle. “God, this is so stupid. Gotta pull it together…sorry…”
 
“Hey, forget about that,” Dean said smoothly, placing an arm on his shoulder. “It's okay. Just as long as you realize that I am not available as a Kleenex.”
 
Sam emitted a sound somewhere between a laugh and a sob, and rubbed at his eyes. Once he was sure he could stow the tears back where they belonged—where had they come from, anyway? He wasn't feeling anything—he shifted on his pillow and looked up at his big brother, blinking owlishly. “I'm just…really tired.”
 
“Then go back to sleep.”
 
“No…bad idea…seems I don't like the waking up part much nowadays.”
 
For a minute he thought Dean was going to come back with something like, “Well, you can't exactly quit sleeping,” but as usual his brother surprised him.
 
“Yeah, I get that.” He was silent for a beat, then added, “I'll just sneak some sleeping pills into your water later.”
 
Well, maybe not that surprising.
 
And then Sam felt something he hadn't felt in years—fingers, alternately scratching and rubbing his left arm, from his shoulder all the way down to his hand. He smiled a little, his eyes still closed.
 
“Not fair.”
 
“Your own fault, dude. You're the one who planted his whole `never sleeping again' idea in my mind. You made me pull out the big guns.”
 
Dean's voice drifted over him, the relentless scratching never ceasing, and Sam felt himself already dozing off. He'd never really figured out why Dean's old childhood trick—which should have been beyond irritating—had always been able to make him feel safe and comforted and so sleepy, but damn if it didn't work every time.
 
“You suck…” he muttered, so quietly that he could barely hear himself.
 
Dean's quiet chuckle followed him back to reluctant sleep.
 
XXX
 
The next time Sam opened his eyes, Dean was still next to him, flipping channels now, and they were still the only people in the room.
 
“Ryuji's not back yet?” he asked, frowning.
 
Dean, unsurprised at his sudden wakefulness, answered without glancing at him. “Nope. Guess he's taking a late lunch.”
 
“Dean.”
 
“Yeah?”
 
“What did you do?”
 
“Nothin'!” Dean said defensively. Sam just stared at him, somehow managing not to blink, and finally Dean relented. “Okay, so I might have done something. He's coming back,” he added hastily as Sam glared. “I just…may have asked him to…occupy himself for a few hours, is all.”
 
“Why?” Sam asked tiredly, not even bothering to try and sound irritated.
 
Dean sighed and turned off the TV, dropping the remote to the bed next to him and finally turning to face Sam. “Because I wanted to talk to you one-on-one first.”
 
“And you thought that'd take hours?”
 
“Well, one, you seem to be spending a lot of time sleeping off-and-on. And two…well, yeah, actually, I did. Think it would take all day. Actually, I'm pretty sure you'd be in for a lifetime of therapy if, you know, our whole family wasn't so screwed up.”
 
Sam propped his head up a little on his hand and said, “So let's talk. Limited time offer, right?”
 
Dean shrugged. “Yeah, limited. But that doesn't mean you can't take as long as you need.” The last part was said so quietly, with such embarrassment, that Sam decided to do Dean a courtesy and both forget the fact that his sentence hadn't even made any sense and to ignore that sentence entirely. A minute later, Dean resumed normal volume and tone. “Hey, Ryuji brought us something.”
 
“Huh? He did? What?”
 
Instead of replying, Dean flipped over and opened the nightstand drawer. Sam watched with dull curiosity as he rummaged through it and pulled out a book that he recognized instantly.
 
“Is that…?”
 
“Yeah. That's why he came here in the first place—to give it to us. He just happened to arrive when—” Dean paused, and then cleared his throat. “Well, anyway, we have it now,” he said lamely.
 
“So…Ryuji actually saw Dad?” Sam asked, confused.
 
Dean shook his head. “No. That's what I thought, too, but the real story is actually a lot more interesting. And out-of-character.”
 
“So spill.”
 
“Well, seems Ryuji's been keeping tabs on us. He never told me what he's been doing all these years, but somehow he's kept track of us. He followed Dad to that same motel we followed him to, but he was already gone. He busted the journal out of the evidence lockup at that jail I was at, and brought it to us when he couldn't pick up Dad's trail again.”
 
“Ryuji broke into an evidence lockup? Well, that's different.”
 
“Yeah,” Dean said. “Yeah, it is. He's changed a lot, hadn't he? We all have, but…especially him. I dunno, I guess I just expected him to stay the same fifteen-year-old forever, but…he's changed. I mean, he still looks the same, a little taller maybe, but something else is different. I just…”
 
“Can't put your finger on how? Yeah, me either.”
 
“So I guess the question is…do you even want to figure it out?”
 
Sam's eyebrow scrunched together in puzzlement. “I must be more tired than I thought, `cause you're making less sense than usual.”
 
Dean glanced down at him. “Oh, come on, don't tell me you haven't thought about it. The guy bailed on us, Sam. You can't tell me you're not at least a little mad at him. Are you sure you even wanna talk to him? Especially right now?”
 
Sam shrugged a little. “Well, yeah, I mean…how can I not? He came all the way here and everything.”
 
“Not what I asked you.”
 
Sam sighed. “Well, what do you want me to say, man? Yeah, I have issues with him. And yeah, I'm not sure how well I'll deal with him—if I'll yell at him or ask him where he's been or just…kill him and be done with it. But he was my best friend for such a long time. I can't just ignore him, and I don't want to.”
 
Dean was silent for a moment. Then he took a deep breath and said, “Wow. That is just…majorly healthy. What happened to my good, psychologically damaged little brother? He was always so entertaining.”
 
“Shut up.”
 
Sam chuckled as he said it, but like every sound that had come out of him since the fire, it rang hollow, and Dean sighed inwardly and wondered when it was all going to stop.
 
XXX
 
When Ryuji finally did return, he came armed with the burgers and fries that Dean had decided Sam was going to eat, whether he liked it or not. But in truth, Sam really didn't feel up to fighting him, and so he forced the food down as quickly as possible under the watchful gazes of his brother and Ryuji.
 
And then there was just no prolonging it anymore, and Sam looked straight at Ryuji for the first time and said, “So do you…want to take a walk with me?”
 
Ryuji smiled at him, and before Dean could even mutter a token protest he said, “I'd like that.”
 
XXX
 
Sam had never planned for them to walk far—he was way too tired, and Dean would freak—and they only made it to the Impale before Sam stopped, leaning against the hood, his hands in his pockets, just feeling the sun on his face and the breeze on his skin.
 
“So how is it?”
 
Sam started a little—though he'd been waiting for it, it still came as a surprise when Ryuji spoke. And the question was a little confusing, too.
 
“How's…what?” he asked blankly. Losing the love of my life? My friends? My future? What?
 
“Being on the road again, with Dean.”
 
Sam shrugged. “Oh, you know…it's weird. Having someone there all the time. Dean…he takes care of me. He's doing everything he can to help me deal, and it really does make it…well, not better, but a little more bearable, having him around. But…” Sam paused, trying to phrase his next words so that he didn't sound like a complete jerk. “It's just that…in a way, it also makes it harder.”
 
Ryuji didn't say a word, and made it clear that he wasn't going to. He was going to make Sam say this, get it out here and now.
 
“I dunno, I mean…I feel like he's expecting something from me, you know? Like he expects me to react a certain way to everything, like he's just waiting for me to break so he can do his fixing thing and…leave.”
 
There it was—the fear. He'd felt it from the beginning of this whole mess, but only now could he put a name to it, and it felt like a punch to the gut.
 
“And I know it's ridiculous. I did that—I left. Dean's…Dean's different than me. Better. But even though I know that, I can't shake the feeling.”
 
Ryuji finally spoke then, and he sounded thoughtful. “So what you're saying is, you're weirded out by Dean being here…because you're afraid he'll leave.”
 
Sam blushed, but it was good to know that he could at least feel that much. “Well, when you put it that way…” He smiled faintly, though his heart wasn't in it. “God, I'm stupid. I was so busy trying not to get used to having him around and not trusting him that I…” He trailed off, swallowing the lump in his throat before turning back to Ryuji. “He's not leaving, is he?”
 
Ryuji smiled gently and shook his head. “No. But…he may think you are. You did it once before, and even though you did nothing wrong then, it still hurt your brother. He might find the idea that you're sticking with him for a while difficult to believe, no matter how much he wants it. You may want to get that straightened out.”
 
Sam didn't dispute it—he didn't have the energy to argue. For a moment he just looked down and scuffed his feet against the ground, and then he changed the subject.
 
“So what've you been doing all this time, Ryuji?”
 
“Mostly, I've been wandering. For about five years after I left your family, I went all over the world and hunted down the likes of those you fight. And I thought the entire time—about myself, about my father, and about this war we're all fighting that none of us can see.”
 
“And then?”
 
“And then…I went back. To my father and my people—to learn to take over his position one day, and, if we're still fighting this war, lead the Elves to battle.” Ryuji chuckled. “Let me tell you, most of them are decidedly unhappy with me.”
 
“Why?” Sam asked, curious in spite of himself.
 
Ryuji still looked amused. “Well, you have to understand that most Elves don't like change. We like to sit around and play music and tell stories and fight wars when the time comes, but what we don't like is diversity. We've been almost a group of the exact same people, just with different hair, for millennia. We speak properly, dress properly, and spend our whole lives practicing conformity and not putting a toe out of line.”
 
Sam was beginning to see where this was going. “And then you came along.”
 
“Yeah. And then I came along. Ten years among you humans has changed me entirely. I talk like a human. I walk like a human, if an unusually silent one. Half the time, I think like a human. I am utterly hopeless on a harp or a flute and poetry goes straight over my head. I'm a killer shot with a bow, but that's pretty much al I have in common with any of my people. They're absolutely scandalized by me, and rarely try to hide it.”
 
“And that doesn't bother you?”
 
Ryuji laughed. “Are you kidding? I'm having the time of my life.”
 
“You're very weird.”
 
“If I am, I have only you Winchesters to blame.” But then Ryuji's smile faded. “But here's the problem. I realize now that I know nothing about them. Oh, I know the theories, but personally? I've forgotten them almost entirely. Part of me prefers it that way, but…someday, I'll be their king. I'll be in charge and I won't have much choice in the matter. My father is going steadily downhill, though he's fighting hard for his life during this war, and it may not be long before I have to take over entirely. But how can I lead people I don't know?”
 
Sam really didn't know how to answer that, so he didn't say anything, and a moment later Ryuji sighed a little and shook his head.
 
“Well, anyway, it's not a big deal. Nothing for you to worry about. Let's just…go see about that brother of yours, shall we?”
 
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Author's Note: I know, I know, long wait. There's not much of a reason for it except this stupid broken foot of mine. I also know that the ending of the chapter was lame—I couldn't come up with anything better and was too tired to try. And one last thing—Sam and Dean are unforgivably OOC. I know that. But bear in mind that there's been a tragedy! That changes people! At least, temporarily.
 
So, in short, there's a lot that's off about this chapter, but I'm posting it anyway, because I like it and I want to. So…review? Please?