Supernatural Fan Fiction ❯ Out of the Mouths of Babes ❯ General Awkwardness ( Chapter 10 )

[ P - Pre-Teen ]

Chapter 10
 
Ryuji missed a lot in the following years. He missed all the “firsts”—Sam's first day of high school, the place that forever cemented his ideas of higher education, the first time he brought a girl home to be thoroughly traumatized by John and Dean, his first hunt and the first illegal drink shoved on him by his big brother.
 
Ryuji missed the point when Sam's relationship with his father began to erode, when he began to automatically treat Dean as both father and brother, when he lost all his illusions and began to make some serious plans to give up the hunting life.
 
And most importantly, he missed The Fight—the final severing of a father-son relationship, the breaking point that sent Sam off into the world alone to face the rigors of the collegiate lifestyle.
 
And yeah, maybe during all those things, Sam could have used what was unequivocally his best friend, around or not. Maybe it hurt that Ryuji wasn't there to help him through the rough patches as he got used to living without the weird little support system he'd gotten used to growing up.
 
And yeah, when Sam looked hard at himself and admitted what he couldn't tell anyone else—maybe he was angry at the Elf. Maybe he held a grudge against Ryuji for staying away for almost a decade without so much as a letter. Maybe, if Ryuji had come back into his life on a sunshiny day when everything was peachy-keen and relatively not horrible, Sam would have had some choice words for him.
 
But in the end, Ryuji didn't come back on one of those days. In the end, Ryuji came back on a day when Sam really needed him, and that was worth more than any apology or a chance at a few choice words.
 
XXX
 
November 2, 2005
 
Sam hadn't said a word in almost five hours, and Dean had no idea what to do. Any stab at conversation he attempted fell flat and stupid, and Sam was shooting off palpable Leave me alone vibes, anyway.
 
That, coupled with the fact that Dean's reunion with his brother had been marred by a fiery conflagration ending in a brutal murder, pretty much made this the worst night in the history of the entire universe, and at the moment all Dean wanted was a drink. A tall, stiff drink with lots and lots of alcohol and a little bit of ice to make it cold and maybe a nice gal to go with it and really end the evening right.
 
It was tempting, right up until he glanced at his little brother. Sam was plainly exhibiting Angstmuffin Pose, curled up under a pile of blankets on his bed, his fingers curled around the edges of the sheet, facing Dean, just…staring. Right about then any desire for anything alcoholic pretty much vanished and he found himself wanting nothing other than to make it okay.
 
And, of course, as it was with everything in Dean's life, the one thing he wanted was also the one thing that wasn't possible.
 
XXX
 
The building that had housed little Sammy Winchester for almost three years was nothing more than a burnt-out shell now, and Ryuji was scared beyond belief because he had absolutely no idea what had happened. He didn't understand why there was a big red truck and hoses in the street, or why everyone who should be inside that building was milling around on the lawn in their pajamas—except Sam. Sam wasn't there, and Ryuji was terrified.
 
But…all the commotion…it couldn't possibly have to do with Sam, because Ryuji hadn't spoken to him in eight years and he refused to let things end like that between them.
 
It just…wasn't possible.
 
XXX
 
Midnight was usually a time when the streets and the parking lots were quiet, with everyone home or getting drunk in some random bar, so when someone banged on their door, Dean was immediately on his guard. He rolled out of bed, knife in hand, noting with a stab of concern that Sam hadn't reacted to the knock except with a few blinks, and headed toward the door. He hesitated for a moment with his hand on the knob, trying to decide if he could possibly handle a fight tonight, but—well, what if it was John?
 
That thought settled it, and without any more hesitation he turned the knob and pulled the door open.
 
XXX
 
Sam watched Dean slide out of bed and creep toward the door as if it were a rather interesting movie. He didn't feel that the revelation of who was at their door would personally affect him in any way, but he was mildly curious all the same, so even though all he wanted was to close his eyes and just sleep, he watched anyway.
 
Dean hesitated for a minute and then opened the door quickly, as if he wanted to get it over with fast. Then he just sort of…froze, and Sam found himself craning his neck to see who was on the threshold, though five minutes ago he'd thought that simple movement beyond him entirely.
 
And then their guest stepped through the door and for a moment Sam forgot his hollow exhaustion.
 
Ryuji looked different. Sam noticed that instantly, but for the life of him—which, at the moment, was pretty worthless, but whatever—he couldn't figure out why. He didn't really have any time to think on it, either, because Ryuji zeroed in on him immediately and the next second was at his side, pulling him up into a hug that squeezed all the breath out of him and somehow redeemed eight years' worth of stolen friendship.
 
“I'm so sorry,” the Elf murmured in his ear, and Sam nodded even though he didn't know exactly what the apology was targeted at. Jess? Leaving? Not showing his face in so long? What?
 
But regardless, Sam's answer would have been the same anyway.
 
“Me, too.”
 
Dean was still standing by the open door, and Ryuji only let go when he closed it, trying for quiet but not entirely succeeding.
 
Without the support of Ryuji's hug, Sam found that his momentary burst of faux energy had vanished and he sagged against his pillows, his eyes closing involuntarily.
 
He felt the mattress dip and then rise as Ryuji stood again, and a moment later Dean said, “Sammy, I'm gonna take Ryuji outside and talk with him. You get some rest, okay?”
 
Sam dragged his eyes open in panic and said, “You need to rest, man. Don't worry, he'll still be here in the morning.” He looked at Ryuji as he spoke and Sam could well imagine the stern, “Yes, you are going to do what I say, because it's what Sammy wants” expression the Elf was probably on the receiving end of right now.
 
Ryuji nodded and said, “I will. I promise.”
 
“There, see? Get some sleep, Sammy.”
 
It wasn't necessarily an order, but Sam's eyelids followed it as if it was. By the time Dean came over and pulled all the blankets up to his chin and tucked a knife under his pillow just in case, Sam was already dozing.
 
But he did need to say one thing, before he forgot.
 
“Ryuji?”
 
“Yes, Sam.”
 
“`M glad you're here.”
 
He could almost see the smile he was getting right now, from both his brother and his friend.
 
“Me, too, Sam. Me too.”
 
XXX
 
Dean closed the door to the motel room and leaned against it, thumping his head against the wood with a sigh. “Okay, my turn. God, this sucks.”
 
Ryuji leaned against the wall next to him, shuffling his feet. “You know, when I saw the chaos at Sam's apartment building tonight…I don't think I've ever been so scared. I had this horrible feeling, like…like the world was upside down. Like everything was wrong and nothing I could do would make it right. How do you do this every day, Dean?”
 
Dean shrugged. “You do what you have to. And…well, this is Sammy we're talking about. I don't exactly have a choice.”
 
“Yeah, he is one soul-stealing boy, isn't he? It's as if you literally can't help making him the center of your life in one way or another. It's no wonder he had no trouble getting that girl of his.”
 
There was something in his tone, some layer of regret that made Dean look at him quickly, but before he could catch anything, Ryuji changed the subject.
 
“It was the demon, wasn't it? The one that killed my mother and yours? It came for Sam tonight, didn't it?”
 
Dean sighed heavily. “Yeah. It did. I don't even know what happened before I pulled him out of the apartment. We haven't exactly gotten around to talking about it yet.” He looked over at Ryuji and asked, “How did you end up here, anyway?”
 
Ryuji shrugged. “I found someone from Sam's group—Derek…something—and he gave me the Cliff Notes and told me where you guys had gone.”
 
“Yeah. Well, what fits. But what I meant was, how'd you end up in Palo Alto? Tonight, of all nights? I don't believe in coincidence, so start talking.”
 
Ryuji chuckled. “You're such a cynic. Maybe it was just a coincidence. Ever think of that?”
 
“Don't believe it for a minute.” Dean pinned him with a stern look. “Truth. Now.”
 
“All right, okay, fine,” Ryuji said. “The truth is…well, a long story, actually. But the short version is that I've sort of been keeping an eye on Sam. I've seen him off and on over the years, but I've been especially close since he left you and John. I mean, I know you've been watching too, but…well, it never hurts to have an extra eye out. And…well, I've missed him. I've missed all of you.”
 
“So why didn't you go see him?” Dean asked carefully.
 
Ryuji huffed his breath a little. “I didn't see him because…” He paused, as if searching for words, and then said, “Okay, here's how it is. I found Sam here about a month after he arrived. He's already met his Jessica by then, but they weren't dating yet—just spending time together. But over the months, they grew closer as I watched. I was there the whole time—watching them fall in love. And I just…didn't want to drop any bombs on him. He just…seemed so happy.”
 
The regret was back, and this time it was obvious and suddenly a thousand little things made sense to Dean. The real reason Ryuji had stuck around all Sam's life without making another appearance, the underlying tone that had somehow been present through this entire conversation, the hug that had gone on a little too long in there and the little whispered apology that Dean had managed to pick up during that hug.
 
The sudden understanding that struck Dean right then had enough punch that it might have actually knocked him a step back if he hadn't had solid brick supporting him.
 
“Wait…are you…do you…”
 
“Do I…what?” Ryuji asked, puzzled.
 
“Oh, my God,” Dean breathed. “You do.”
 
“Dean, what are you talking about?” Ryuji asked, irritated.
 
“I'm talking about the feelings you've developed for my little brother while you were…what did you call it? Oh, yeah, keeping an eye on him,” Dean said flatly. The deer-in-headlights expression on Ryuji's face convinced him, and he chuckled without humor. “Oh, my God, I don't believe this. It's true, isn't it?”
 
“And what if it is?” Ryuji asked quietly. “What does it matter? It can't go anywhere. He's not…and even if he was, it doesn't matter, because I'm not here. And right now he's heartbroken and grieving and what he needs is a friend. I'd like to be that friend, so could we please just…not have this conversation? Ever again?”
 
Dean studied him for a minute and, upon determining his sincerity, sighed and said, “Yeah, okay. But don't ever mention it to him, all right? He'll just feel guilty and you'll feel bad and it'll be enormously awkward, not to mention the fact that this whole idea is just disturbing to me on a deep level. Not that I have a problem with…because I don't. It's just that Sam is Sam and…okay, ya know what? I think I'm gonna agree with you that we should never mention this again.”
 
Ryuji didn't say anything, and for about ten minutes they just stood there awkwardly, until finally the Elf said, “Well, I have something for you. It's actually why I went to the apartment on this particular night. I was going to give it to Sam, but now…” He shrugged. “Anyway, here.”
 
He reached into the small bag slung over his back, pulled something out, and handed it over. Dean took it and stared at it, shocked because it couldn't possibly be what he thought it was could it?
 
But upon flipping through the thick brown book, he discovered that it was exactly what he thought.
 
Dean looked up and tried not to seem accusing.
 
“Ryuji, why do you have my dad's journal?”
 
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Author's Note: I forgot to warn you that this chapter was going to make some of the Pilot AU. But I'm guessing you figured that out by now. Also, you guys should know that the entire last half of the chapter was pretty much the last thing I'd expected. I did kind of like it, though, and I'm really hoping you guys feel the same way. You know how you can tell me? That's right, you can review!

Bet ya weren't expecting that one, were ya?