Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Fan Fiction ❯ Masked Insecurity ❯ Why Should I? ( Chapter 6 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

Raphael stared at his brother as he slept. He was relaxed and peaceful, though he had twisted and turned for hours as his own memories came back to him. The red masked turtle sighed and walked over to the pool, solidifying it into a mirror. His mask was suddenly in his hand and he stared at his eyes. Leonardo had wanted to see his eyes. He wondered if they had ever changed. They had. Leonardo had looked so hurt when refused, but…

Can I really trust him?

He stared for a while, moving a hand to grab the upper corner of the reflective surface. He saw movement behind him and shattered the mirror, the broken pieces dissolving into water. He stood there stiffly, neither of them moving.

"Raphie, what's wrong?" Leonardo finally asked.

"You."

The blue masked turtle flinched. "I'm sorry."

"Why should I show you my eyes?"

"Honestly?" Leonardo said softly, brokenly. "You shouldn't."

Raphael slowly turned to his brother, eyes down. Leonardo moved his hands up to remove his own mask before wrapping his hands around the trembling turtle's.

"I'll never say anything bad about them again."

Raphael swallowed. It was so hard for him to do this. It had been the last straw, the final insult that he had ever tolerated from his brother. And it hadn't been tolerated for very long. He had sworn that nobody would ever see his eyes again.

"You don't have to do this, Raph."

Leonardo suddenly found himself looking at honey gold and ruby red. He blinked, his own silver and blue eyes widening in surprise.

"So they did change colors," he breathed. He stared, analyzing them. "They're beautiful, though you probably don't like that word."

"I don't mind so much," Raphael admitted, his mask disappearing from his hand. "It helps me, you know, get over your insults."

"I really am sorry, Raphie," he whispered softly, tearing up.

"You know Leo, you might say to us that we need to cry, but you don't do much of it yourself. I think it's time to change that."

"But Raph, I have to be strong for the rest of you."

"Screw that, bro. Just let it out. Nobody will know but us. The others are still a while away."

Leonardo bit his bottom lip then gave in, pressing into his younger brother's arms. They stayed there like that for a while, one sobbing softly as his heart ached for his own actions in the past, the other holding him and rubbing his back. Leonardo finally sighed and pulled back, wiping his eyes.

"Thanks Raph."

"Everybody needs to cry. I just do mine in the privacy of the shower."

Leonardo smiled. "I knew it!" he teased.

Raphael snickered. "So, what do you want to do until they get here?"

"Another soak in that pool would do me some good," the silver and blue eyed one said.

"Excellent choice. What color would you like it?"

"You can change the color of the water?"

"Yep. My mind. I could make the sky yellow and the sun blue if I wanted."

"Do it then," Leonardo challenged.

Raphael pursed his lips then flicked his wrist. The lighting suddenly changed drastically and Leonardo looked up to see that Raphael had done exactly what he said he could. The sky was now bright yellow, and they sun the shade of blue from his mask. He gaped then laughed giddily.

"Do it again!"

Raphael amused his brother by changing the color of anything he wanted. To the red and gold eyed turtle's amusement, Leonardo wanted him to change the color of everything but the pool. Finally, with another flick of his wrist, everything changed back to the usual colors.

"Now, you still wanna get in the pool? They'll be here in an hour and a half."

In response to that, Leonardo dove headfirst into the water. Raphael laughed, diving after him. He held his brother under the water until he gasped and laughed at Leonardo's expression when he realized he could breathe water.

"What?" he asked, his voice echoing slightly.

"Like I said, Leo, it's my mind. I can do whatever I want in here."

"How deep is this pool?"

"As deep as you want it to be."

Leonardo and Raphael played games underwater until there was a noise above them. They looked up to see Insecurity swimming toward them. Raphael immediately had a mask back on.

"Come on Leo. They're here."

The two turtles and the facet popped up out of the water. They climbed out of the pool. The skirts on Leonardo and Raphael weren't even wet. Raphael picked up the little turtle and placed him on his hip. Anger nodded curtly at Raphael, glaring at Leonardo. Splinter, Donatello, and Michelangelo were sleeping.

"Um, Raphie?" Leonardo asked. "I thought we were good."

"I can't always control Anger. He has a life of his own."

"Great," the older turtle sighed.

Raphael shrugged. Two hours later, Michelangelo sat up, rubbing his eyes. He spotted his brothers and leaped to his feet.

"There you are!" he exclaimed. "We got here and we couldn't find you. Anger and Insecurity said they knew where you were, but they wouldn't tell us."

"We went swimming," Leonardo said with a smile. Anger was suddenly in his face.

"Who said you could tell him that?"

"What?" Leonardo gasped, backing up in bewilderment.

"Chill, Anger," Raphael said.

"Oh, so you're suddenly buddies now, is that right?" he asked, spinning to Raphael.

"Shut it," Raphael growled.

"No! After all these years, one tear-filled apology fixes everything?!"

"No, it doesn't fix everything or you wouldn't be running your damned mouth!"

At this point, Splinter and Donatello were up. The temperature had also risen about ten degrees.

"My son, please calm down!" Splinter said as the earth began to split, revealing red hot, glowing light.

"Don't you dare tell me to calm down! You who so obviously plays favorites!" Anger spat. "Everybody does a good job but Raph! 'No Raphael, that is wrong!' or 'No Raphael, you cannot do that!' But the worst, the worst is 'Control your temper, Raphael! Control your temper, Raphael! Control your temper, Raphael!' It's partially your fault that I even exist to this degree. If you hadn't thought Leo was so damned perfect as a child, you would have seen the living hell he put me through! But no, Leo was perfect! Mr. Perfect wouldn't dare hurt his brothers! He wouldn't make them cry or wish they were dead! He was wonderful: good at training and so kind. What about my pain? Every time I tried to come to you for help what did you say? What the hell did you say?!"

Splinter looked shocked and bewildered. He was nose to nose with Anger. This was honestly the first time he was hearing any of this. Was his son really this repressed?

"I-I do not know," he finally stammered after Anger shouted the question again.

"'Not now Raphael. I'm busy.' What does that mean? 'I have time for your brothers and their problems, but yours don't matter to me.' How was I supposed to live with that?! Knowing that your father doesn't love you hurts, Sensei. So why the hell don't you love me?!"

The temperature had shot up to the point that heat waves had appeared in the air. Leonardo, Michelangelo, and Donatello had dove into the pool to keep cool, but they were forced out as it began to steam and boil. They had never seen this before. Ever. They knew how Raphael reacted in the real world, but in this mental world? This was downright terrifying. Especially because as Splinter tried to find a response, they saw Anger morph into something that had them diving away behind the real Raphael.

"What the hell is that thing?!" Leonardo gasped, staring at the dragon that was growing to a huge size.

"That, my brother, is Rage," Raphael growled, turning slowly. "I'm going to get you out of here. But first I have a question for you. And for Sensei. And Donatello, too."

Rage laughed and roared. Peace, Sadness, and Façade suddenly appeared. They, including Raphael, split their attention, two looking at Leonardo, one at Donatello, and two at Splinter. The question that passed their lips made them freeze.

"How do you like the monster you created?"

Lava suddenly exploded around them and they just knew they were going to drown in this hot, crippling emotion! There was a bright flash…


Chapter 5
Chapter 7
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