Tekken Fan Fiction ❯ Private Fury ❯ This Story Has Been Linked To Cancer ( Chapter 14 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

(Bryan and Lei, through a series of hilarious situations, have managed to lock themeselves in a storage facility)
Lei: This is certainly one hilarious situation we've gotten into, Bryan!
Bryan: (muttering under his breath) ........I'll show you 'hilarious'......pickaxe...right in your skull.....cking riot...
Lei: Hey Bryan, remember the first time you came to the base?
Bryan: What the hell does that have to do with anything?
Lei: Fury?! What are you doing here?

Bryan: None of your business.

Lei: Oh, great, I'm stuck with you in my platoon!

Bryan: You can just go stick your platoon-

Lei: You can't talk that way to me, I'm your commanding officer!

Bryan: The hell you are, I'm not taking orders from some stupid Kung Fu reject.

Lei: I was a better cop than you were!

Bryan: Bullshit! I took out an entire gang armed with submachine guns by myself!

Lei: At least I wasn't involved with drug deals!

Bryan: That was never proven, you just set me up! And why the hell are you here?

Lei: I botched a two-year case...

Bryan: So why are all these Jacks here?

Lei: We receieved them from Russia as part of a goodwill trade.

Bryan: Weren't you lucky...

Lei: Well, Bryan, just realize that while you're here, you follow my orders.

Bryan: Sure (gives Lei the finger behind his back)

Lei: Now, it's getting late, so everyone power down.

Bryan: (looks around as all the Jacks shut off) Now what?

Lei: Go to sleep!

Bryan: There aren't any beds!

Lei: Oh, sorry, these barracks were designed for the Jack units. Good night.
Bryan: ............what the **** was that?
Lei: Flashback.
Bryan: We're locked in here, and you suddenly feel the need to start having hallucinations?
Lei: ...I guess.
Bryan: Of all the stupid sons of bitches I could've gotten stuck with...
Lei: (to himself) Yeah, things have gotten pretty crazy around here...
Lei: Bryan, it's time for you to meet the new recruits who will be bunking with you!

Bryan: Oh yay.

(Lei calls the recruits in)

Lei: MTV has donated $500,000 to the military in exchange for having some specific people enlisted whose daily lives could be filmed.

Bryan: What the fu-

Lei: This is Xiayou, boy-crazy teenage girl with lots of friends!

Xiayou: Hi, everyone! (Waves at the camera)

Lei: Next is Jin, loner and generally quiet kid who hates his father!

Jin: I just...I just want to be left alone for a while if that's okay...

Lei: Then we have bad boy Hwoarang!

Hwoarang: Nobody understands me.

Lei: And finally is A+ student Julia Chang!

Julia: Hey, everyone, I hope we can all have lots of fun working together!

Bryan: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!
Bryan: ......that's really starting to piss me off now.
Lei: And then there was the time the base was taken over by that Nazi commandant...
Bryan: You piece of shit....
Colonol Klink: Hogaaaaaaan!!!!
(audience laughs)
Hogan: Is there a problem, Klink?
Colonol Klink: It seems someone entered my office the previous night and stole documents personally from Herr Hitler. You wouldn't know anything, would you?
Hogan: No, though I'm sure I'd get that answer if I asked you the same.
(audience laughs)
Colonol Klink: You know, Hogan, four prisoners escaped from Stalag 12 last week. This camp may have a perfect record, but I wouldn't mind if you were the one to break it.
(audience laughs)
Hogan: And I don't think the prisoners would be too upset if you left either, Colonol.
(audience laughs)
Colonol Klink: I know it was you, Hogan. Confess, you took those documents!
Hogan: Now what would I want with something from Hitler, I doubt anything he could think up could help us win this war. Then again, I doubt anything he could think up could help you win either.
(audience laughs)
Colonol Klink: .....take him to the gas chamber.
Hogan: (dragged off by Nazi soldiers) NOOOOO!!!!!!
Bryan: That happened in an episode of Hogan's Heroes, you idiot.
Lei: Of course, it's been worse, remember the time you and I got stuck in that storage facility?
Lei: This is certainly one hilarious situation we've gotten into, Bryan!
Bryan: (muttering under his breath) ........I'll show you 'hilarious'......pickaxe...right in your skull.....cking riot...
Lei: Hey Bryan, remember the first time you came to the base?
Bryan: What the hell does that have to do with anything?
Lei: Fury?! What are-
Bryan: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING? You're having a flashback about something that happened a minute ago? AND A FLASHBACK OF A FLASHBACK? What are you, high?
Lei: ..........that reminds me of my college days...
Bryan: SHUT THE **** UP!! I've had enough of this ****ing flashback shit! (grabs Lei and uses him as a battering ram to break down the door)
Lei: Now that's what I call using my head! Sort of like that time I had to outsmart that gang holding eight people hostage when I worked as a negotia- (is knocked out cold by Bryan)
End of Chapter 14
I hate episodes where they show old clips, it's just an excuse for the writers to be unoriginal bastards. And of course I'm an unoriginal bastard, so I had to do one.
I haven't had a lot to do lately, so naturally I've started thinking about death, being the optimist that I am. I know a lot of people like to go with the whole graveyard and tombstones thing, but for me personally.....have you ever seen The Big Lebowski? There's that part at the end where Steve Buscemi's character dies, and his friends take his ashes and dump them in the Pacific Ocean. That's how I want to go. That scene was perfect, I mean except for the part where his ashes get blown back into his face, but they could just check the wind velocity for that sort of thing. I'd prefer being cremated to remaining a rotting corpse that gets eaten away by maggots, and I hate the idea of a shitload of money being spent on me when I'm already dead. Not to mention cemetaries are like a whole hierarchal society in themselves, you have the medium tombstones, the small tombstones, the big tombstones....and then there's the kind of tombstone that I'd probably end up with, the really, really small ones, the ones you barely notice and would probably trip over if you didn't watch where you were going. I guess some people just feel you have to measure the greatness of one's life by how big their tombstone was. Or how much money they had to spend on a tombstone. And have you ever been to a cemetary before? Those places are depressing. I'd rather have a couple buddies I knew dump off my remains anyway, as opposed to family, because you know that friends like you for who you are.....unless you're rich. Or popular. But with family, at least in some cases like mine, you know they only like you (assuming they do like you) because you're family, and they're obligated to. They probably wouldn't even want to have anything to do with you if you weren't related. Hell, chances are they don't want to have anything to do with you even though you are related. So, uh....watch Hogan's Heroes. Good show.