Tekken Fan Fiction ❯ Private Fury ❯ The RIAA Is Watching You Sleep ( Chapter 17 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]
(Bryan is in Lei's office)

Lei: Bryan, I wanted to talk to you about the activities you've been engaging in on my computer.

Bryan: Hey, I've been responsible!

Lei: I told you that you could go on for one hour a day after you did your homework, but only for educational activities.

Bryan: I have!

Lei: What was your subscription to www.barelylegalfrenchwhoreswithsubstanceabuseproblems.com for?

Bryan: ...research.

Lei: And you used my credit card to subscribe?

Bryan: That was yours? I must have gotten it mixed up with mine after I stole...I mean accidentally stole...I mean found your wallet.

(Bryan pulls out Lei's wallet and hands it to him)

Bryan: Hey. I found you wallet.

Lei: ...and why have you been sending emails to the secretary of national defense, telling him you're going to kill him?

Bryan: Because I'm going to kill him.

Lei: ...Bryan, death threats and subscriptions to questionable fetish-oriented porn sites are something I suppose I could overlook, but you've also been downloading music on my computer.

Bryan: So? I think I have good taste.

Lei: (looks over music files) I'm not too familiar with...Black Death, or Death of Society, or Bloody Death Mask, or Pus Filled Death, or...hey, you like Phil Collins?

Bryan: I didn't know that was Phil Collins! I thought it said Phil...Cholera...

Lei: There's nothing to be ashamed of in liking Phil Collins. I personally find his music to be very relaxing, in fact it's nice to see we share some similar tastes.

Bryan: Son of a BITCH...

Lei: Bryan, the reason I brought this up wasn't because of your taste in overly violent industrial grunge music. And Phil Collins.

Bryan: ...

Lei: If you like this kind of music, you should buy it, legally.

Bryan: Why? I break laws all the time.

Lei: This is different. Weapon smuggling, drug smuggling, human smuggling...

Bryan: It's called 'slave trading'.

Lei: ...slave trading. Those are all harmless little misdemeanors, but downloading music is a serious offense. You could be putting yourself and everyone around you at risk.

Bryan: What, the big bad government's gonna come get me? I think with terrorism being such a big issue right now, they have more to worry about than record companies losing a few dollars from...

(a platoon of Tekken Force soldiers burst in through the windows)

Bryan: What the hell is going on?

(a dramatic and kickass fight ensues, I mean it is awesome, it's like the coolest fight ever in Tekken history!)

Bryan: I...can't go on...

(Bryan collapses)

Tekken Force Soldier 2: Damn, that was a dramatic and kickass fight. Those two just wouldn't give up.

Tekken Force Soldier 1: Yeah, that was like the coolest fight ever in Tekken history.

Tekken Force Soldier 2: ...what the hell is Tekken history?

Tekken Force Soldier 1: I don't know, it's just a saying.

Tekken Force Soldier 2: No it's not. No one's ever said that before.

Tekken Force Soldier 1: ...we should probably tie them up.

(in a place that wasn't the previous place)

Bryan: Wh...where am I...?

Mysterious figure dressed in Gestapo uniform : Ahhh...you're finally awake...

Bryan: Who the hell are you?

Dragunov: My name? That is a secret none shall ever know. Ever. No one will ever know what my name is.

Bryan: Where the hell is this place?

Dragunov: Don't worry, you're safe...in Guantanamo Bay.

Bryan: The terrorist prison where you don't torture people?

Dragunov: Yes, we simply perform enhanced interrogation techniques.

Bryan: Well that sounds okay.

Dragunov: Do you have any idea why you're here?

Bryan: I guess it might be because I killed my mother. And my father. And my brother. And my other brother. And my first wife. And my 3rd wife. Oh wait, my 2nd wife too. But not my 4th wife. But only because she committed suicide due to the stress from the verbal abusement I gave her. I probably would've killed her eventual-

Dragunov: GOOD GOD! What the hell, man! You are messed up! You are seriously messed up!

Bryan: Yeah, I know. So why am I here?

Dragunov: For the most sinful of acts imaginable, worse than all your other past misdeeds combined, I'm afraid.

Bryan: You don't mean...

Dragunov: Yes. Downloading music is a very serious crime, Mr. Fury.

Bryan: But who does it harm, really?

Dragunov: .....who does it harm?

(Dragunov begins brutally hitting Bryan across the face)


(Dragunov tries to restrain himself)

Dragunov: The corporate executives. The managers. The record producers. All, forced to work with common filth such as yourself, those desiring to be made kings by those who are but their gods. These are the ones who you harm. Because you were so desperate to save a dollar, you chose to violate the most sacred of laws.

(Bryan spits some blood at Dragunov's face)

Bryan: Do you really think people would buy that shit if they couldn't download it for free anyway? Do you actually believe that if you took away the internet, people would start running to the stores to buy the latest manufactured pop singer's album?

(Dragunov slowly wipes the blood off his face, before delivering another vicious blow to Bryan)

Dragunov: I am a reasonable man. There's no need for you to be taken to court over this. According to our records, you have downloaded only 12 songs.

Bryan: Most of them shit, really. I already deleted a lot of them.

Dragunov: (slaps Bryan across the face) Regardless, you have downloaded 12 songs. Going by the rate of their store price, and the number of people you may have later ended up sharing it with for free, as well as interest for the time spent without first buying the albums, factoring in the special coordination tax plus...(mumble mumble)...you would only need to pay a small penalty of 387,800 dollars to make this little discrepancy go away.

Bryan: Eat shit and die! YOU EAT SHIT AND DIE!

Dragunov: ...I see you wish to make this harder for yourself than necessary. Very well. This shall prove to be an especially long session...

(in another room)

Lei: Wh...who am I? I mean, where am I?

Jack-666 in Gestapo uniform: You are in Room 101. But it is not the identity of your current whereabouts that are of concern. It is why you are in this location that is imperative.

Lei: What?

Jack-666: Exactly.

Lei: Huh?

Jack-666: Now you have asked too many. And the answer is lost.

Lei: ...why have you brought me here?

Jack-666: You have been incarcerated for your crimes against humanity. Humanity that is limited to life in the recording industry.

Lei: What? But I had no idea that Bryan was downloading music on my computer! When I found out about it, I immediately deleted all the files and explained to him that what he did was wrong!

Jack-666: Yes, and you handled the situation very well. That matter would have easily been settled out of court for a mere few thousand dollars for him using your computer to commit the crimes. But that is not the main reason you are here.

Lei: What? I did something wrong?

Jack-666: Yes. You did something very wrong.

Lei: But I've never downloaded music before! I always buy the albums with songs I like!

Jack-666: That much is true. However, you have burned several cds in the past.

Lei: I own those cds! And I still have them! I just burned them since I only listen to music on my computer, and I didn't want to constantly change cds!

Jack-666: That is not a viable excuse. If you wished to listen to music on various formats, such as your cell phone or computer, there are plenty of other formats from which you can obtain those songs. Go to our website to find a wide variety of songs to purchase, all at reasonable and affordable prices!

Lei: Wait...your site? Just who are you?

Jack-666: We are the one. We are the only. We are the Recording Industry Aryans of the Apocalypse. AND YOU WILL BOW BEFORE US.

Lei: Dear God!

(in the other other room)

Bryan: You really expect me to believe you're doing this shit for the greater good? It seems more like you're just out to help yourselves.

Dragunov: Ignorance! We ARE the greater good! They are our songs! We own them!

Bryan: You own nothing! It doesn't matter how much legal shit you have backing you, it's still someone else's work!

Dragunov: SILENCE! (punches Bryan in the face again)

Bryan: (spits out a tooth) Your pathetic dependance on brute force to keep people in line isn't working, this sort of fascist persecution has only increased the number of people downloading music! Face it, you've failed!

Dragunov: ...perhaps we underestimated the fear we were able to instill in you common thugs. But we will stop you, I assure you of that. Even if we must crucify every single one of you. But enough talk. It is time to begin the reprogramming.

(in the first other room)

Lei: Wait...how did you know I burned my cds?

Jack-666: OUR cds. They are not yours. We have merely rented copies to you. And we know many things. We can obtain any information we desire, through any means necessary.

Lei: What you're doing isn't legal! It's against the law!

Jack-666: We MAKE the law.

Lei: But you're just a corporate trust group! You don't have that kind of power!

Jack-666: Your employers in Washington...our lackeys...would disagree.

Lei: Lackeys?

Jack-666: Yes. You would be surprised by how little they sell their vote for these days.

Lei: So what are you bastards going to do? Torture me?

Jack-666: We do not torture. We perform enhanced interrogation techniques.

(Jack-666 pulls out a pair of jumper cables)

Jack-666: This shall help with the enhanced interrogation.

Lei: Enhanced interrogation?

Jack-666: It is like regular interrogation. But with jumper cables.

Lei: This doesn't sound like something that would've been approved by the Geneva Convention...

Jack-666: Perhaps not. But it is still better than our top-secret black prisons. You don't even want to know what goes on there.

Lei: Is that where your Pussycat Dolls albums are recorded?

(Lei and Jack-666 both laugh)

Jack-666: Yes, but in all seriousness, we do not torture.

(in the second other room)

Dragunov: The thing that you do not truly understand is that you cannot resist the organization. We are your god. We are your only protection.

Bryan: My...protection?

Dragunov: Yes, without the RIAA, there would be chaos, nothing but artists making music here and there, no organization in their scheduling, no cohesive date for their next album release, no radio stations playing the same ten songs over and over again...

Bryan: I hate that.

Dragunov: But you will grow to love it!

Bryan: I will?

Dragunov: YES! You love the RIAA!

Bryan: I...love the RIAA...

Dragunov: Without the RIAA, your miserable life is meaningless!

Bryan: My life would have no meaning...

Dragunov: The RIAA is always watching you, always watching over you...

Bryan: Always...

Dragunov: The RIAA is your GOD.

Bryan: The RIAA...is...NO! I hate the RIAA!

Dragunov: Do not fight it! You cannot resist!

Bryan: I don't care what you do to me, even if you have been putting me through sleep deprivation for 3 hours straight!

Dragunov: You think you are strong enough to withstand the RIAA's power?

Bryan: We all are! Because each and every one of us possess far greater will than the RIAA or it's masters can control!

Dragunov: ...our masters? Do you know who our master is? From where the RIAA's true power comes?

(Dragunov hands Bryan a round amulet)

Dragunov: OPEN IT.

(Bryan opens the amulet, only to find his mirrored reflection staring back at him)

Bryan: ...no...no, this can't be...IT CAN'T BE!

Dragunov: But it is! How it truly is! You, the taxpayers! You are the ones who have allowed us to prosper! You are the ones who truly command us!

Bryan: No! We'd never condone this sort of tyranny!

Dragunov: You ignorant fool! How little you know of these circumstances! The people will allow anything, as long as they can turn their backs on it!

Bryan: You're wrong! We will fight it! We'll never allow you to control our minds!

Dragunov: Is that what you think? That the people will actually wake out of their slumber and stand up to us? Hah! You are dreaming! Just like the rest of the cattle!

(Boskonovitch enters the room)

Boskonovitch: Shall we begin the procedure?

Dragunov: Yes, this one is too far gone. He must be educated of the 'proper truth'...why are you bringing in that Kangaroo?

Boskonovitch: (referring to the animal on the gurney he's pushing) This is Roger, when we switch brains with the subject, his heightened intelligence will allow Roger to rise to the top of the Marsupial Boxing League.

Dragunov: Marsupial Boxing Lea...that doesn't even exist!

Boskonovitch: Not yet, but once Roger here has acquired the knowledge of human speach, he shall surely convince the Boxing League Officials that his kind are just as deserving of their own league as humans!

Dragunov: Get that thing out of here! We're doing a simple lobotomy procedure!

Boskonovitch: ... (leaves the room with the gurney) goddamn dirty motherf- (door slams shut)


Lei: We is'd wrong, Ryan.

Bryan: Yes. Was, Lei.

Lei: Turn out, RIAA protects interests of all artist, ensuring none hear their music, so people will buy it.

Bryan: Yes, I buy music I not listen to.

Lei: Is goods for us too. We gets good music, at affordable price ranges too. Let us buy various versions of same song over again for different format.

Bryan: If I buy a song for mp3 player, I should buy same song again for Ipod too.

Lei: Is logic and fair.

Bryan: I know today that people who download music major bad. Die should all, no escape.

Lei: Yes. Download music, must be tracked down. Tracked down and educated.

Bryan: Hail RIAA. Glorious RIAA.


Bryan: The RIAA is the colossus that bestrode the world.

Lei: The RIAA is the rock against which the hordes of downloaders dashed themselves in vain.

Bryan: All hail the glorious RIAA.

Lei: All hail the indominatable RIAA.


(End of Chapter 17)

Feel free to review and tell me how great I am with constructive compliments. There's nothing wrong with obsessively telling me how incredible I am, I do it all the time.