The Boondock Saints Fan Fiction ❯ The Sin of Love ❯ The Sin of Love ( Chapter 1 )

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Disclaimer: I make no claim to the Boondock Saints and its characters - they are property of Troy Duffy and Franchise Pictures.


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Murphy exhaled heavily, rolling onto his other side to stare at the dripping shower in the early-morning sunlight. The steady, repetitive sound of the water hitting the tile below, paired with the rhythm of his brother's heavy, sleepy breathing beside him, was oddly comforting. The latter was one of his favorite sounds in the world, and he could spend hours just listening to Connor breathe. He'd lay awake all night just listening, sometimes trying to time his breaths with Connor's, though he never quite could. He always found himself panting with the effort to keep up or his chest aching from breathing too deeply and too slowly. Connor had a rhythm all his own.

The only time he could ever match that rhythm was when they... No. That wasn't something that ever left the flat, or that was talked or thought of outside of the darkness that enveloped them when it happened. They hardly even looked at one another afterward, the guilt washing over them as one of them returned to his own bed. Unlike the kisses and the moans and the tender hands, the guilt actually lasted through into the morning, and even further on. Murphy often found himself feeling weighed down by that guilt.

"Father, love is a gift from God, yes?"

"One of the Lord's greatest gifts."

"And we can't help who we love, can we? Love is not a sin, is it, Father?"

"Sometimes love sneaks up on us, and it can be glorious, or it can be devastating. No, my son, love - pure love - is not a sin."

"But what if... what if that love... What if it's not who you're supposed to love? What if it sneaks up on you, like you said, and you can't help but fall?"

"Again, son, pure love is not a sin."

"What is 'pure love,' Father? What if you feel that this love is pure, you know that it is, but not everyone sees it that way?"

"I'm not sure I follow."

"Say this love is... well, it's out of the ordinary. You've this person, this beautiful person that you wouldn't be complete without, but that love that you feel for them goes against everything you've ever been taught. Because men are to love women, that's how the Lord made us. But... but you can't help it. It feels so good when you fall, you can't help but let go."

"That, my son, is a sin. That kind of sin puts the soul in danger. It requires an immediate and thorough repentance. Is your soul in danger, son?"

"No, Father. Love - pure love - is not a sin."

Connor rolled over on his mattress with a grunt, propping himself up on his elbow and staring through the gray light at his brother. "What are you doin' awake at this hour, Murph?"

"How could you tell?" Murphy rolled over to face his twin, fighting to hold back a smile at the sleep-creased face and tousled dirty-blond hair before him.

He shrugged. "I know what you sound like when you sleep. You sounded awake." Stretching, Connor sat up and swung his legs over the side of the bed. "So what's the deal?"

Murphy sat up, facing his brother. "Just couldn't sleep, I guess. Thinkin'."

"Thinkin' 'bout what?" Connor asked as he got up and walked sleepily to the toilet.

"I don't know, really. Nothing, I s'pose... but at the same time... everything. Y'know?" Murphy dragged a hand through his hair, listening to the familiar sound of liquid hitting liquid.

Connor nodded and flushed, zipping up his pants and fastening his belt as he walked back to his mattress. "Aye," he said, scratching lazily at the stubble on his chin. "A regular Voltaire you are, dear brother." He flashed that winning smile, beautiful, white. "Now, c'mon, out with it. I want to know what's botherin' you so much as to keep me away from me beauty sleep."

With a sigh and a roll of the eyes, Murphy caved. "Thinkin' about love, mostly."

"Love?"

"Aye... I talked to the priest about it, last time I was in for Confession. He told me that love is not a sin. Pure love is a gift from God and it's not a sin, but I just don't think I understand that. Can't wrap my head around it."

"What's not to understand there, Murph? It's simple. If your love is pure, you stand right in the eyes of the Lord." Connor flopped down onto his back, letting out a little whoosh of air as he hit the mattress.

"Well, yes, but... isn't all love pure? I mean, isn't that what makes it love? God created man in His image, so wouldn't He model man's ability to love after His own? And after all, what's purer than God's love?" Murphy looked over at his brother when he didn't receive an answer. "Connor?"

A little snore escaped Connor before he regained his rhythm.
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