Transformers Fan Fiction / Sailor Moon Fan Fiction / Rurouni Kenshin Fan Fiction ❯ Dark Mirrors: The Meaning of Terror ❯ Chapter 1
DARK MIRRORS: THE MEANING OF TERROR
By Sidewinder (firstname.lastname@example.org), originally as 'The Berserker's Guide to Counter-Terrorism' in 2004-2005 (revised 2007).
Based on the worlds created by Gary K. Wolf and Pearson Mui.
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Animegamigu (Bright Two Goddesses' Palace), a Pacific island 193 km from Japan's east coast, was named after the Sun and Moon deities the native inhabitants worshipped. It was the site of a major Imperial Japanese Navy (IJN) base until 1945, when the United States Navy (USN) and Marine Corps (USMC) attacked it. The US military planned to use it the island as launch pad for the invasion of Japan; it remains vital to their Pacific operations.
Animegamigu is also known as "Cartoon Gods' Palace" due to the large Toon population that arose after World War 2 (WW2), when American animation studios outsourced work to the Japanese anime studios that would later become famous for their own works. Unlike Toontown, California-- dominated by corporations like Disney and Warner Bros-- Animegamigu's Toons are as diverse as humans; their potential for good and evil isn't limited by marketing executives who fear the controversy caused by a Toon's sexual and/or violent behavior.
What are Toons? Sociologists describe them as "children of dreams," brought to life by human imagination and sustained by the same. They rise from an animator's desk to act out stories that will later be seen by millions of audiences. They can do amazing things because their strengths and weaknesses are limited by human imagination, not human flesh; they die only when the plot demands it, and will rise from the dead when the scriptwriters make them do so. A cartoon's plot limits a Toon's life the way fate limits human life, but some humans will rather be limited by something they're made aware of than by something as intangible as fate; this envy has caused many conflicts between within Animegamigu's population.
Many stories are told by the people of Animegamigu, trying to make a living in a land dominated by the US military, animation studios, and the "children of dreams" who try to make a living for themselves.
This is one of these stories.
Thursday, August 25, 2001. Morning.
Hanamura (Flower Village) is Animegamigu's red light district. It's better known as H-Ville, for "hentai" (pervert). Toon prostitutes dominate the local sex trade because they cannot be infected with a sexually transmitted disease (STD), or infect others. The Animegamigu government often turns a blind eye to this due to the tax revenue H-anime studios, and the Toon prostitutes they create, provide.
Tentacle demons also dominate Hanamura; their phallic tentacles were animated to exploit a loophole in early censorship laws preventing the display of a human penis onscreen. In the 1990s, they often preyed on magical girls in sailor suits due to the popularity of 'Sailor Moon' and the H-anime parodies it inspired.
Today, a thundering roar ended the tentacle demons' dominance as the Devil Gundam, the fearsome antagonist of 'G Gundam', rocketed towards Hanamura. Infrared (IR) sensors scanned the district, seeking the heat generated by a demon in a lustful frenzy. The mobile fighter (MF)-- a high-performance humanoid fighting vehicle controlled via the Mobile Trace System, which mimics the pilot's movements-- saw several H-anime ads for girls in sailor suits; its four 60 mm Vulcan cannons censored the images. Pimps and johns-- male clients of a prostitute-- ran for their lives as the 24-meter-tall robot monster rained depleted uranium (DU) rounds on the streets.
The prostitutes stared at the intruder. "Why is that Gundam wearing a sailor suit?" a girl's uniform at many Japanese schools. "Maybe Sunrise is trying to attract more female viewers." "Then they need more bishonen," beautiful young men, "not a robot transvestite!"
The Devil Gundam finally found its target in a love motel. "Haaaadeeees!" the pilot screamed as the MF stomped on the street to send nanobots through the ground, towards its target.
Hades, a tentacle demon named after the Greek god of the underworld, raised his head. 'Another jealous girlfriend.' Toon prostitutes were often bisexual. 'Why can't they wait until after I'm done?' He ignored the screamer as his tentacles ravished the Aphrodite 6, six Toon girls from a H-anime.
He couldn't ignore the Gundam-headed serpents-- formed by the nanobots-- bursting through the wall, floor, and ceiling. "Argh!" he screamed when the serpents bit off his tentacles, allowing the girls to escape from the demon's clutches.
Slam, bam! "What the fuck is going on in here?" the motel manager demanded as the Aphrodite 6 ran out the door. Then he saw the robot monster darken the sky like a solar eclipse. "Oh shit!" He turned around and ran for his life.
"You bitch!" Hades drew energy from the lust flooding Hanamura, forming a fireball in his right hand to blast a hole in the Gundam's defenses; his tentacles regenerated to exploit the hole. "Apocalypse Sexy..." The Devil Gundam's beam cannons blasted Hades in half before he could say, "Shoot!" and throw the fireball; its two thermonuclear fusion reactors generated more energy than human lust. "Ahhhh!"
"Silver Moon Crystal Power..." echoed in the room as the Devil Gundam prepared to use its Dark Fingers, filling its hands with violet lightning. "Kiss!" The Gundam extended its arms, sending magical energy to destroy the tentacle demon and demolish the den of sin.
Boom! A young woman with blood-red hair and dark eyes turned to the noise. "What the hell...?" She saw the Devil Gundam's silhouette through the smoke from the burning love motel. "Damn." She drew the jitte (ten hands)-- a forked rod used for trapping sword blades-- hidden under her red leather jacket, and ran towards the combat zone.
"Die, die, die, die!" The Devil Gundam-- weight: 41.2 tons empty, 84.9 tons fully loaded-- used its fists and feet to pound and stomp the ground, forming a crater that became the Toon demon's grave. Although this didn't kill Hades, it made him pray for his own death as flesh and bone became dust and ashes. The Aphrodite 6 cowered in the rubble, too terrified to move.
The woman appeared. "Usagi-chan?!" She recognized the pilot from the Devil Gundam's body language.
The MF turned its head. "Anna-chan?!" The pilot stared at the woman's red leather bustier and miniskirt, and the whorish makeup on her face. "What happened to you?!"
The woman blushed, embarrassed by her appearance. "I'm on the Vice Squad; I'm supposed to dress like this so we can arrest people for soliciting prostitutes. What happened to you?"
"I... I... Wahhhh!" The Devil Gundam pointed at the Aphrodite 6, who wore sailor suits. "Some jerk animated these bad girls,"-- she refused to say, "sluts"-- "to look like me and my friends!" the Sailor Senshi (Warriors) from 'Sailor Moon'. "Now everyone thinks we're... Wahhhh!"
"Hush, Usagi-chan," the woman said in the tone a mother used to comfort a child. "I don't think you're a bad girl. Your friends and family know you're not a bad girl."
"Really. Why don't you change out of that mobile suit so we can go get some tea and cake?
"Sniff! Okay." The Devil Gundam took a knee. Tsukino Usagi, alias Eternal Sailor Moon, jumped out of the cockpit, now filled with tears.
"Sailor Moon?" The Aphrodite 6 were surprised to learn their idol piloted the MF. "I'm a big fan!" "Can I have your autograph?" They shivered when Usagi glared at them, an unspoken threat the Devil Gundam would deliver. "Eek!"
"Calm down, Usagi-chan," the woman said. "They're not a threat."
"Trench Coat One, this is Dispatch, over."
Detective Andrew Mays raised the radio handset to his ear. "Dispatch, this is Trench Coat One, over."
"Trench Coat One, this is Dispatch. Stolen mecha," a nickname for giant robots, "has been sighted at 666 Pussy Lane."
"Isn't that in H-Ville?" asked Detective Saeba Ryo, a former private investigator (PI) from 'City Hunter' who joined the Animegamigu Police Department (APD) after the City Council passed a referendum against armed PIs. The Animegamigu Police Chief didn't discriminate against recruiting Toons, who made up 40% of the police force; immortals didn't need health or dental coverage, and the money the APD saved was more than enough to cover the property damage they caused while pursuing criminals. "What the hell is it doing there?" Ryo was an infamous lecher, but he expressed shock instead of lust; he knew his weapons were useless against a Gundam.
"Suspect was last sighted exiting cockpit, and is now on foot. Suspect is considered armed and dangerous. Report to the scene and wait for backup, over," the police dispatcher ordered.
"Dispatch, this is Trench Coat One, wilco, over." Andrew placed a police light on his sedan roof, turned on the siren, and stomped on the gas pedal. Despite his lower rank, Andrew led the Toon Crimes Unit because no one else wanted the job. Now it was his job to apprehend the mecha thief or, failing that, to follow her and report her location to the people who could.
The familiar sight of a giant robot next to a demolished building greeted the detectives; the sight of Sailor Moon crying on a human woman's shoulders was unfamiliar. Andrew raised his badge, displaying it to the witnesses. "Andrew Mays, Anime Detective. Can you...?"
Ryo stared at the woman's large breasts and long legs. "Mokkoriiii!" He went in a lustful frenzy, pounced on the woman, and groped her breasts. 'So firm!'
"Shrieeeek!" The woman stomped on Ryo's foot, forcing him to let go; she turned around, slammed her elbow against his face, and thrust her jitte into the waistband of his pants.
Ryo felt the jitte trap his penis; he felt the rod turn, threatening to break his penis. "Ahhhh!"
Andrew drew the one-ton mallet from the subspace pocket of his trench coat; although he didn't like Ryo, he was obligated to protect his partner. The woman turned the jitte, forcing Ryo to move between her and Andrew. The detective tried to find a way to stop the woman without hurting her Toon shield; then he recognized her. "Anna?"
The woman's eyes, cold and hard like steel, examined him. "Andrew-kun?" Her eyes became warm and gentle when she smiled. "You look well. How's Alise?" Andrew's sister, who befriended the woman in junior high school.
"She's fine." Andrew lowered his mallet. "Would you mind letting go of my partner?"
Officer Anna Mason frowned. "This pervert is your partner?"
Andrew shrugged. "He's not completely useless."
Anna pushed Ryo onto the ground, freeing her jitte. "Fine."
"Oh..." Ryo curled into the fetal position, cradling his penis.
"Why are you dressed like that? Isn't it against the Police Academy dress codes?" Andrew asked.
"I'm on the Vice Squad now." Anna graduated on Thursday, Aug 18, 2001.
Andrew hid his anger at the Good Old Boys, the senior officers who expressed their sexual discrimination by giving women bad assignments; his own career had suffered because he'd spoken against their behavior. 'No point in giving her a target for her anger; that'll only hurt her career.' "I see." He turned to the Devil Gundam. "That matches the description of a stolen mecha. Did you see the perp who was in the cockpit?" He saw Anna's eyes widen. 'She knows...'
"I'm guilty," Usagi confessed. "Hades and these bad girls were making me and my friends look bad. I was so angry, I..." Her eyes became reflective pools as she began to cry again.
Andrew's stomach ached; this happened whenever cutesy girls acted emotional, a behavior he found annoying. He drew a bottle of antacid, which he drank like a soft drink. "Calm down, Miss. Just plead not guilty by reason of temporary insanity, and you can go home."
Usagi's eyes shined with hope. "Really?"
A tentacle rose from the paste that was Hades' body. "No... I'm... pressing charges..."
'I really don't want to deal with this.' Andrew's mallet flattened the tentacle. "Um, Anna, do you know where she lives?"
"I'll call Mamoru-kun," Chiba Mamoru, Usagi's husband, "and ask him to take her home."
"Thanks." Andrew picked up his partner, supporting Ryo by the arm. "Come on, Ryo." He placed the Toon in the passenger seat before calling the dispatcher. He noticed that Anna used a pay phone instead of a cellular phone. 'Strange.'
"Trench Coat One, this is Dispatch, over." The voice distracted Andrew from the woman, and he turned to the radio; he didn't think about Anna until his coworkers mentioned her later.
That night, an Oyabun (Father), a yakuza (Japanese criminal organization) boss, ordered seven of his men to teach "the new girl" a lesson. Anna broke the arms and legs of five yakuza, scaring off the other two; then she thrust her jitte into the Oyabun's waistband. This was the first of many acts of police brutality she committed in her attempts to arrest johns.
Wednesday, September 12, 2001. Afternoon.
Andrew ignored the mountain of paperwork on his desk as he talked to call his mother in California; yesterday's terror attacks made him worry about his relatives in the US. "No, Mom... No, Mom... Yes, Mom..."
Ryo and Detective Nene Romanova, a computer expert from 'Bubblegum Crisis', didn't complain about Andrew's current behavior; they understood how he felt. "I wonder how vulnerable Anigu," an abbreviation of Animegamigu, "is. I mean if the terrorists decide to target Japan..." Ryo shuddered, imagining what would happen if terrorists attacked the H-anime studios where his friends worked.
"Well, we're on an island, so the terrorists have to approach by sea or air; the US Navy and the JMSDF," Japanese Maritime Self-Defense Force, "will have plenty of time to intercept them," Nene commented.
"Take care of yourself, okay? I'll call you later." The phone rang immediately after Andrew hung up; he sighed as he picked up the handset. "Mays, Anime Detective."
"Andrew, can you come by the office for a few minutes?" the Animegamigu Police Chief, a middle-aged man, asked.
"Sure thing, Chief." He faced his coworkers. "I'll be back."
"Hurry; I want to finish off this paperwork before midnight, so I can check on some friends," Ryo added.
Andrew was too tired to comment on the kind of friends Ryo had. He exited his office and knocked on the Chief's door. "You wanted to see me, Chief?"
Andrew hid his anger when he saw Lieutenant Herbert "the Pervert" Powers in the Chief's office; Powers was one of the Good Old Boys who tried to have Internal Affairs investigate Andrew for speaking against his policies. "Morning... Lieutenant," he greeted, hesitant to use a title the Good Old Boy didn't earn.
"I understand you've worked with Officer Mason," Powers said.
"I only met her once, when the Devil Gundam was stolen."
"We're forming an CT," counter-terrorism, "Unit, and we plan to assign Officer Mason to the new unit. Do you think she'll make a good detective?" Powers asked hopefully.
Andrew frowned. 'What is he afraid of?' "I don't know her that well, but don't officers usually serve for one to five years before they're qualified for promotions?"
"She made 224 arrests during her first month on the force; I think she's qualified."
"She also committed 223 acts of police brutality, although it can be argued that the perps deserved it," the Chief added.
Andrew couldn't hide his surprise. "Two hundred and...?"
Powers leaned over Andrew's shoulder, ignoring the detective's anger at his behavior. "Blowup Doll," the nickname Anna gained for her bra size and her temper, "is the Mayor's favorite niece. If she loses her job, we'll lose ours," he whispered.
"Why can't you just transfer her to a desk job?" Andrew asked.
"I asked Officer Mason if she wanted to transfer; I was told she wanted to stay in Vice and continue punishing perverts," the Chief answered.
"She has McKellan's Syndrome, a.k.a. Magneto's Syndrome," which magnetized the hemoglobin in her blood. "Her body is a giant magnet, meaning she can't use a computer or any electronic device that isn't hardened against EMP," the electromagnetic pulse generated by a nuclear weapon. "She uses that damn jitte because a magnetized pistol is as useless as an unloaded one," Powers added.
Andrew nodded, remembering the rage Anna expressed, and her use of a pay phone. "I see."
Powers leaned over Andrew's shoulder again. "I'll give you anything if you just help me get Blowup Doll out of Vice."
"Keep Internal Affairs off my back, and I'll keep her jitte out of your pants."
Powers shivered; he didn't want to share the fate of the man whose "sword" was broken. "Deal."
Andrew told the Chief he was impressed by Anna's courage under fire when he met her, and recommended her for promotion. The Chief trusted him, and accepted the recommendation with few questions. Andrew passed Anna on his way to his office; he noticed the bloodstains she tried to wipe off her leather clothes. "Good luck with the Good Old Boys."
She smiled. "Thank you, Andrew-kun."
Andrew heard Anna's maniacal laughter when Powers exited the Chief's office; she had the masculine "Ha ha ha ha ha!" of a berserker cutting down his enemies, not the feminine "Oh ho ho ho ho ho" of a dominatrix whipping a slave.
"I'll behead them all, and offer their heads to honor my ancestors! Their blood will rain down from heaven, cleansing the earth of sin!" Anna swore. "Ha ha ha ha ha!" The door closed, muffling the laughter.
'I almost feel sorry for them,' Andrew thought. 'Almost.'
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Thursday, Sep 30, 2004. Afternoon.
The Otaku Six were anime otaku (fans) who formed a sentai (combat team) for fun and, later, for money. They offered their services to whoever could pay the fee; today they were paid to hijack the Death Star, the mobile battle station that terrified the heroes of 'Star Wars'. They decided to use the heroes' plan: steal an Imperial shuttle, pilot it into one of the Death Star's hangars, sneak into the command center, and hack into the computer core.
They drove towards Travis Air Force Base (AFB) in stolen Hummers, watching Lambda class shuttles fly between the station and the AFB in Northern California. In 1984, the Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency (DARPA) set up an antiballistic missile (ABM) research laboratory on the Death Star; George Lucas, creator of 'Star Wars', used the lease money to pay for his children's college tuitions.
'The Boss better give us that bonus for putting up with this shit!' Otaku Mecha, the leader, thought as he handed a forged ID card to the rent-a-cop guarding the main gate. He wasn't happy that he must hide his heroic red costume under a United States Air Force (USAF) uniform, but the Otaku Six had no choice; security was too strong for them to storm the base, even with giant robots. "Thank you, Sir," he said as the rent-a-cop returned the card. The Hummers passed an Imperial stormtrooper squad and a Mark IV sentry droid as they approached the hangars. "There it is," Mecha said, pointing at a hangar guarded by stormtroopers.
"I don't think it's a good idea to use an Imperial shuttle." Otaku Hentai knew the stormtroopers were Sprites, Toons that rose from a computer monitor. Like a video game console, the Death Star's computer core would constantly spawn stormtroopers until they disabled it. "Maybe we should try our luck with a F-15 ASAT," anti-satellite interceptor.
"You're not being paid to think," Mecha hissed.
'Neither are you,' Hentai didn't say.
"Just follow me." Otaku Mecha, Hentai, and Magical Girl exited the first Hummer and approached the stormtroopers from the east side; Otaku Sengoku (Warring States), Romance, and Classic exited the second Hummer and approached the west side, so they could surround them.
"What's up, my man?" Mecha greeted, imitating the loud, arrogant, and obnoxious Americans that appeared in anime. "Listen, I got to get in the hangar and check out that bird. You see, that baby needs an oil change, and we're the only ones who can do it."
The stormtrooper sergeant, who wore a white rank pauldron on his right shoulder, contacted the Death Star command center. "Maintenance is not scheduled for today. Please contact HQ," the base headquarters, where the Lucasarts liaison was, "for confirmation."
"Listen, Man, you messing with my groove, here! We got to give that bird a tune-up, Man!"
"Please contact HQ for confirmation," the sergeant repeated.
"Fine, have it your way. Go, Otaku Six!" The sentai members jumped into the air, transforming in six colorful flashes of light; they wore their costumes when they landed. The stormtroopers had enough time to shoot Romance and Classic before the other Otaku were close enough to engage in hand-to-hand combat.
"It's not fair... I want to die in the loving embrace of my Prince Charming..." Romance cried.
"Bitch! We're dying side-by-side in battle! This is a classic scene, although it usually occurs near the end of a movie. Isn't this romantic...? Ah!" Classic screamed when a stormtrooper shot him again, killing him.
'You deserve that,' Romance thought before she fell unconscious.
"Hai ya! Hai ya! Hai ya!" the Otaku shouted as Mecha's fists and Sengoku's katana (long sword) hit the stormtroopers, who disintegrated into neon green ones and zeroes-- their source code-- as they died. Each Otaku was stronger than three stormtroopers, but they were outnumbered five-to-one.
"I offer these men to you, Demon of Lust! Arise and fuck them in the ass!" Hentai pumped his hips up and down. A burning pentagram appeared on the hangar floor; cruel laughter filled the air as tentacles reached for...
"Eek!" Magical Girl swung her baton, shooting stars at the tentacles. "Not me, you pervert!" She pointed at the stormtroopers. "Get them!" A tentacle encircled her left leg and lifted her into the air. "Noooo!" she cried as another tentacle tore open her pink costume, exposing her underwear.
"Ha ha ha ha...!" A lightsaber was thrown like a boomerang, severing the demon's tentacles. "Ahhhh!" The demon couldn't to regenerate its tentacles; the stumps were cauterized.
"Ite!" Magical Girl cried as she fell onto the floor. The pentagram disappeared as the demon returned to hell, too injured to continue fighting.
The lightsaber returned to a gloved hand. "Identify yourselves," Lieutenant General (O9) Darth Vader, a villain of the 'Star Wars' movies who joined the USAF in 1999, demanded.
"We're the Otaku..." Mecha glanced at Classic's body. "Five! We're here to steal a shuttle so we can hijack the Death Star! If you surrender now, we'll let you crawl away with your cape between your legs!"
Vader's mask hid his smirk. "I'd like to see you try."
"Fine!" Mecha waved his arms and posed, summoning a robot dragon, tiger, and phoenix. Lightning flashed and thunder roared as the beasts combined into a giant robot, the dragon forming the body and legs, the tiger forming the arms, and the phoenix forming a stylish cape. "Go, Otakuzord! Stomp on Vader in the name of justice!" The giant robot charged, shaking the earth.
Vader smirked as rainbow lights filled his left hand. The stormtroopers took cover behind him, fearing an art too terrifying to be seen or heard in a family movie. "Dark Disco Mirror Ball!" A disco remix of the 'Star Wars' theme filled the air as the Sith Lord threw the ball lightning at the Otakuzord, blasting it to pieces; broken pieces of metal rained on the ground, justifying the terror the Dark Disco caused.
"Ahhhh!" Mecha, Sengoku, and Hentai knelt on the floor and covered their ears, trying to silence the disco music that echoed between their ears and threatened to shatter their skulls; then they fell unconscious.
Vader ignited a second lightsaber and faced Magical Girl, who shivered as she aimed her baton at him. "Surrender or face the Dark Side's power."
Magical Girl dropped her baton. "I don't want to die, I don't want to die, I don't want to die..." She curled into the fetal position, too scared to face Vader.
Friday, October 1, 2004. Morning.
Ring, ring! "Mays, Anime Detective... What?!"
Ryo and Nene watched Andrew grab his trench coat and fedora. "What was that?" they asked simultaneously.
"The Otaku Six... Five, now... just tried to steal an Imperial shuttle."
"From which empire?"
"The Galactic Empire. Darth Vader's."
"Eek!" Nene remembered how scared she was, watching Vader lead stormtroopers in the opening scene of 'Star Wars IV: a New Hope'.
"That wimp? Why are you so worried?" Ryo added.
"Because the USAF runs a weapons lab on the Death Star. The Otaku attacked a US military facility; they could've started a war."
Ryo imagined the consequences of a nuclear attack on Anigu. "Great, now I'm worried."
"The Chief is meeting with the US military liaison; they want me to brief them. We'll probably have to find out who hired the Otaku, so cancel your appointments for the next two weeks. Nene..."
"I'll look into their bank records." Nene sat before her computer, opened the files she had on the Otaku Six, and began hacking into the banks' databases.
"Thanks. Ryo, come with me."
Ryo followed Andrew out the door. "I have a date tomorrow night." He turned to the sound of high heels click on the floor: a woman with long blood-red hair, large breasts pushing against the confines of her white blouse, and long legs reaching from her knee-length skirt to her red pumps, walked down the hallway. "Mokkoriiii!" Ryo went in a lustful frenzy, pounced on the woman, and reached under her skirt to grope her butt.
"Shrieeeek!" The woman used the Shuang Feng Guan Er (Twin Peaks Pour into Ears), one of the 49 Taijiquan (Supreme Ultimate Fist) moves she learned from a friend; her fists struck Ryo's temples, stunning him.
Ryo lost his grip; he fell, slamming his chin against the floor. "Ite!" He felt the woman grab the back of his neck and lift him off the floor; then he saw a wall fly towards him. Wham, crack, clatter!
"Damn it." Andrew ran after his partner, who was dragged into the recreation room. "Ryo, we don't have time for this!" He reached for the doorknob.
Slam! "Ahhhh!" "God have mercy!" "She's going berserk!" Andrew jumped, hanging from the ceiling like a spider to avoid being trampled as policemen stampeded out of the room.
"Hurl!" Detective Lilica Evett, a computer expert from 'Burn Up', stumbled out of the room, holding her hands over her mouth.
Andrew dropped from the ceiling to land on his feet. "Are you okay, Lilica?" He watched her head shake. "What happened?"
Lilica's teammates from Warrior, the Neo Tokyo Police Department's elite CT unit, calmly walked out of the room. "This is a great picture." Detective Kinezono Rio-- Warrior's hand-to-hand combat expert-- stared at her camera phone. "We should post it on the door to the women's dressing room."
Detective Jinguu Maya-- Warrior's sniper-- nodded in agreement. "Yeah, that should teach Yuji," Sergeant Naruo Yuji, Warrior's pilot and lecher, "not to peep."
Lilica suppressed the urge to vomit. "I don't think that's a good idea," she said, shaking her head. "Eek!" she cried when the woman with blood-red hair exited the room.
Detective Anna Mason smiled. "Good morning, Andrew-kun."
The anime detective noticed the daisho (long and short swords)-- whose plastic scabbards hung from a black leather belt-- at the woman's left hip. "Morning, Anna."
"She'll be fine as long as she stays out of Mechatown," the nickname of Anigu's industrial district. "Those 'Gundam SEED' boys really set her off." Andrew's sister went into berserker rage whenever she saw a bishonen, who often cried for trivial problems, or laughed maniacally when they used their superpowers-- powers they didn't deserve.
"I wish her luck." Anna bowed to Rio and Maya. "I'm sorry for interrupting your game, Kinezono-san, Jinguu-san."
The blonde Toon smiled. "It's okay, Sword Breaker," the nickname Anna gained for her acts of police brutality. They watched Anna enter the restroom to wash red paint-- Ryo's blood-- off her sleeves.
Andrew faced the Warriors. "What did she do?" Rio showed him the camera phone screen. The photo looked like it was taken when Vlad Dracula, alias Vlad Tepes (Impaler), was Voivode (Warrior Prince) of Wallachia: Anna had thrust a pool stick in Ryo's butt, raised it vertically over her head, and was ready to plant the stick-- with Ryo impaled upon it-- in the floor. "Gasp!" The anime detective emptied a bottle of antacid down his throat, fighting the urge to vomit. "Why didn't you stop her?!" he demanded when this urge was under control.
"Why should we?" "He got what he deserved." "It's what you Americans call, 'poetic justice'," Rio and Maya answered.
"I'm going to... Hurl!" Lilica ran to the restroom.
Andrew sighed. "Can you help me get him down? We have business with the Chief."
"What kind of business?" Maya asked.
"Profitable business?" Rio added, dreaming of the bonus she'd earn if Warrior were deployed.
"Some otaku turned mercenaries just attacked a US Air Force base," Andrew answered.
"I heard," Maya stated. "Do you think bin Laden," leader of al-Qaida (the Base), the terrorist group responsible for the Sep 11, 2001 attacks, "signed their paychecks?"
"Maybe. It's our job to find out."
"I hope so." Rio's eyes sparkled as she fantasized about the reward offered for Osama bin Laden's arrest or execution. "With $20,000,000, I can..."
Andrew ignored Rio as he entered the room.
Ten minutes later...
Andrew carried Ryo-- who was in the fetal position, reaching between his legs to cradle his butt-- like a suitcase; such strength was considered superhuman, but the detective often acted like the Toons he worked with. "Didn't you learn your lesson the first time you harassed Anna?"
"I did; that's why I'm wearing a Gundarium codpiece," Ryo answered.
"Sigh." Andrew dropped his partner on the floor, ignoring Ryo's cry of pain as he approached the Chief's office. He stepped in front of Ryo, shielding the Toon. "Anna, I'm sorry about what happened this morning-- Ryo won't control himself, and I cannot control Ryo. Can you...?"
Anna smiled. "Apology accepted, Andrew-kun." She knocked on the door. "Detectives Mason and Mays, reporting as ordered," she said, observing military customs and courtesies. When she graduated from high school, she joined the US Army Reserves to be a military policewoman (MP), but her medical condition prevented her from completing basic training.
"Enter," a tired voice said.
Andrew opened the door. "Ladies first." Anna smiled as she entered.
Detective Stan Tai, the Sentai Action Unit leader, was already in the office. "Morning, Andrew."
"Good morning, Tai-san."
"Detectives, this is Lt Jones, US military liaison to the City Council." The Chief waved at a man in a USN uniform.
Lieutenant (O3) David "Davie" Jones shook Andrew's hand. "We will sincerely appreciate any information you give us. Those bastards will pay for interfering with the production of Episode III..." He blushed. "For attacking a US military facility."
Andrew hid his surprise. 'He cares, even though Episodes I and II look as bad as the toilets in the men's restroom?' "Yes, Sir."
One hour later...
Stan yawned, tired from Jones' interrogation for information on the people who attacked a 'Star Wars' icon. "That was... informative," a polite way of saying, "boring." "Does the US Navy have a lab on the Death Star?"
"No, but Jones sure acts like Vader. Men like him are overgrown fan boys who dream of being a Jedi," Andrew commented.
"Sith," Stan corrected.
Anna glanced at her wristwatch, which was designed for people with McKellan's Syndrome; magnetic fields spun a rotor, generating electric power for the watch. "I'm going to check the terrorist cells on the island."
"Aren't they all Toon groups?" Stan asked.
"There are some human groups, like the Vanguards of the Third Impact, or the Advocates for Human Instrumentality."
Andrew groaned. "I know them. Some people overanalyze 'Neon Genesis Evangelion'," which depicted death as a means to let human souls unite and evolve into God.
"I'm gonna check the local mecha dealerships. Later." Stan walked down the hall.
"Don't forget to share information, okay?" Andrew reminded.
"Goodbye, Andrew-kun. Tell Alise I said, 'Hi.'"
"I will." Andrew watched Anna walk away; then he lifted Ryo off the floor and carried the Toon to his office. "Find anything, Nene?" he asked when he opened the door.
She shook her head. "They made cash deposits, which are impossible to trace. We have to ask the Otaku where they got the money."
"Gotcha." Andrew turned to his partner, who was bandaging his wounds. "Ryo, put on your pants and come with me. We're gonna shake up some bank managers and see if the Otaku told them anything. Nene, get your hardsuit," robotic armor she wore in 'Bubblegum Crisis'. "We'll need it soon."
"Okay, Andy." She watched Andrew and Ryo exit the office.
Two hours later...
'They should've called by now.' Nene stared at her cellular phone. 'Are they safe? Are they in danger? Are they...?'
Knock, knock! "Hello, Nene-chan," greeted Sgt Daily Wong, one of her costars from 'Bubblegum Crisis'.
"Hello, Daily-san. Can I help you?"
"I was going to ask for the info you have on the Otaku Six, but I see there's something more important you have to deal with." He sensed Nene's concerns. "Is there anything you want to talk about?"
"I'm just worried about Andy, that's all. Where's Leon?" Daily's partner in 'Bubblegum Crisis'.
"He's helping Anna-chan with our investigation."
Anna's right hand held Ouka (Cherry Blossom), her katana; her left hand gripped a young man's throat. She slammed his head against the ceiling, covering his face with plaster; he looked like a kabuki actor when Anna lowered her arm to look into his eyes. "Let me repeat the question: what did Otaku Mecha tell you about his latest job?"
"You can't... do this... to me... Police brutality..." Wham, crack! "Ite!" Kaneda Mitsuo, leader of the Vanguards of the Third Impact, felt like he had a hangover; his head spun painfully as he was lowered.
Sgt Leon McNichol leaned against a desk, watching Anna interrogate the otaku-turned-terrorist. Posters for the 'Evangelion' movies covered the apartment walls. "She can do this until you answer our questions, or until your skull cracks open. Believe me, getting your braincase cracked open will not make you one with God."
"No... Only the Third Impact..." Wham, crack! "Ite!"
"Who hired Otaku Mecha? Who paid him ¥5,000,000 in cash?" Anna demanded.
"He told me... a businessman..."
Rat-at-at-at! "Ite!" Anna cried when three bullets hit her back, tearing open her blue jacket.
Leon drew his Smith and Wesson (S & W) Model 500 revolver as he ducked behind the desk. He glanced at Anna, who was still standing. "Take cover!" Anna simply turned around, holding Kaneda in front of her.
"Ahhhh!" the human shield screamed when a bullet hit his abdomen; the gunman released the AK-47 7.62 mm rifle trigger to avoid causing more damage. "Shit!" Kaneda cursed when Anna threw him, a human javelin, at the gunman.
"Argh!" Sasaki Tetsuo, a Vanguard of the Third Impact, cried when Kaneda hit his chest, slamming him against a wall. "Bitch!" He pushed Kaneda off his body, jumped to his feet, and aimed his rifle...
Anna threw Chouchou (Butterfly), her wakizashi (short sword), at the rifle muzzle to split the barrel in half. "You beast!"
Tetsuo dropped the useless rifle and drew a Makarov 9 mm pistol. "Ahhhh!" He dropped his pistol when the katana pierced his abdomen, pinning him to a wall like an overweight butterfly.
Kaneda reached for the Makarov. Crunch! The stainless steel heel of a woman's shoe crushed the pistol. Kaneda looked up. 'White panties!' He saw bruises on Anna's back, not bullet holes. 'Impossible!'
McKellan's Syndrome increased bone and muscular density, giving Anna the strength and endurance to survive the attack. "You deserve to be butchered like a beast!" Invisible hands lifted Chouchou off the floor, into her hand. She shook the wakizashi to throw off the AK-47, and made a shallow cut between Tetsuo's eyes.
"Ahhhh!" The otaku-turned-terrorist stared at Chouchou, the point circling before his eyes as Anna tried to control her anger.
"Be gentle with him; dead men tell no tales." Leon watched Kaneda crawl towards the door. "Freeze, or I'll use you for target practice."
"Okay, I'm freezing, I'm freezing." Kaneda put his hands over his head.
The Chief sighed as Leon finished his report. "Where is Detective Mason now?"
"She's seeing a doctor for her injuries," Leon answered.
"Will she also see a psychiatrist for medication to treat her anger? I'm tired of handling complaints of police brutality."
"The perp deserved that for shooting a police officer in the back," Leon protested.
"And Mister Kaneda?"
"If someone tried to kill you and everyone you know, claiming this was for the greater good, would you let him?"
"He didn't commit any violent crimes."
"Kaneda's computer has files on NBC," nuclear, biological, and chemical, "weapons, and blueprints for a hybrid which can duplicate the Third Impact depicted in 'The End of Evangelion'." 'That otaku-turned-terrorist doesn't have the brains to design and build a successful weapon, but...' "We were lucky to get him before he succeeded."
"Sigh." 'My job was much easier during the Cold War, when people knew they'd be nuked if they didn't restrain themselves.' "Dismissed."
Nene and Daily greeted Leon when he exited the Chief's office. "Leon-chan, have you seen Andy or Ryo?"
"Don't call me that!" Leon growled, making Nene whimper.
Daily smiled to disarm his partner. "Calm down, Leon. Just give a yes or no answer."
"Sigh... Not since this morning," Leon answered. "Have you tried calling them?"
"Of course! I even tried remotely activating their cell phones so I can triangulate their location, but it didn't work!"
"Hum. I better tell Mason about this. Maybe she can help."
"Detective Anna Mason, alias Sword Breaker? Why her?"
"No one can make a perp shit in his pants faster than her."
Anna laid facedown on the table; bar magnets, which stimulated her pressure points to accelerate her recovery, rose vertically from her bare back like a porcupine's quills. "Tell me about your new boyfriend."
Doctor Hayashi Aoka, an acupuncture and herbal medicines specialist, hid her surprise. "What makes you think I have a new lover?"
"We've known each other for ten years." The Mason family had trusted the doctor since Anna was a child. "We can sense each other's emotions, like the scent of flowers." She smiled. "What's he like?"
Aoka smiled as her hand gently brushed Anna's hair. "The One I Love has silky hair that flows between my fingers like water from a fountain. The One I Love has eyes as deep as the sea; I drown in their passion whenever I look into those eyes. The One I Love touches me with the warmth of the rising sun whenever we're together."
"Sounds like true love. I envy you for finding someone worthy of a love poem."
"I thought you found someone?"
"What do you mean?"
Aoka's smile became mischievous. "I know you recently made love."
Anna blushed, her face as red as her hair. "Kyo," the berserker who killed a thousand men in 'Samurai Deeper Kyo', "and I didn't fall in love. We were drunk and trying to claim the last bottle of sake. We were possessed by bloodlust when we dueled for the bottle and to determine who was Strongest; then bloodlust became lust."
Aoka wasn't surprised that Anna spent a night with a Toon; such relationships were common in Anigu. She was surprised that Anna was drinking. "I thought you dislike the taste of alcohol?"
"I went to a restaurant to meet the Shan Chu," Mountain Lord, a triad (Chinese secret society) boss, "for info on a terrorism suspect. She insisted that I drink with her; to refuse would be to insult her."
Aoka knew Anna's "self-defense" against the Oyabun allowed the triad to take over businesses the yakuza once dominated. 'Brigitte,' the Shan Chu, who attended medical school with Aoka, 'must respect-- or fear-- Anna to personally meet her.' "And Kyo? Do you like him?"
"We're too alike to deny our instincts," which Toons shared with their human creators.
'I know all to well,' Aoka thought, remembering her first love and the risks she took to be with her lover.
Ring-a-ling! The receptionist approached the door. "Aoka-sensei, a police officer wants to see Anna-sama."
"Sigh. I must continue fighting the War on Terror." Anna waited for Aoka to remove the magnets, before she stood up and stretched. "Ahhhh! I feel better now." She took the jacket and blouse Aoka lend her. "Thank you, Aoka-sensei. I'll return the clothes tomorrow."
"Take care of yourself, Anna-chan." The doctor suppressed a sigh as Anna got dressed, covering her beautiful body.
Thursday, Sep 30, 2004. Evening.
"And if we lose our will, we lose. But if we remain strong and resolute, we will defeat this enemy," George W. Bush, President of the United States of America, finished.
"90 second response, Senator Kerry," the debate referee announced.
Senator John F. Kerry, Democratic presidential nominee, began his rebuttal to Bush's remarks. "This president has made, I regret to say, a colossal error of judgment. And judgment is what we look for in the president of the United States of America.
"I'm proud that important military figures who are supporting me in this race... I sucked their cocks..." Kerry froze. 'What the...?' "Important military figures who are supporting me in this race-- former Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, John Shalikashvili; just yesterday, General Eisenhower's son, Gen John Eisenhower, endorsed me; General Admiral William Crown; Gen Tony McBeak,"-- he mispronounced McPeak's name-- "who ran the Air Force war so effectively for his father-- all fucked me in the ass..." He turned to his opponent. "Stop that!"
"Stop what?" Bush asked.
"Stop fucking with my mind!"
"What do you mean?"
"I know Darth Invader's taught you how to use the Force! I know you're making me say things!"
"That John Shalikashvili fucked me in the ass!"
"Yes, and I liked it!" Kerry's face was red with anger. "I mean no!"
Bush leaned over his podium. "Ha ha ha ha ha!" He shook, unable to suppress his laughter.
"Stop that! Stop laughing at me!" Kerry extended his arms to strangle his opponent. The debaters ran around like children playing tag; the stage became a playground.
"Gentlemen, behave yourselves!" the referee protested. Four men chased Kerry for ten minutes, trying to stop the Democratic presidential nominee, before order was restored.
One hour later...
"Thank you and good night." 'Good riddance,' the referee didn't say.
Bush saw Vader standing with his campaign staff, and approached his chief CT expert. "Deevee!" the nickname he gave Vader. "Thanks for the tip!" He smiled.
"There are more... conservative... ways to discredit Kerry," Vader deadpanned. "You could've made him say, 'Viva la France!'"
"Yeah, but my way is more fun. Have you found out who tried to hijack the Death Star?"
"The Animegamigu Police Department has a lead."
"Animegamigu... Isn't that in Japan?"
Vader nodded. "I'm leaving tonight to retrieve the information from the Police Chief. The terrorists will pay for this," he swore, raising a fist.
"Well, good luck, Deevee!"
> 02 <
Saturday, Oct 2, 2004. Morning.
Stan noticed a crowd in the hallway, blocking his path. "Excuse me, I'm supposed to give the Chief a briefing in ten minutes."
"Vader's meeting with the Chief now," a coworker explained. Stormtroopers guarded the Chief's office.
"You mean Darth Vader, Dark Lord of the Sith?"
"I mean the guy with a Super Star Destroyer," slang for the Executor class star dreadnought, "in orbit over Anigu, ready to bomb this island into the ocean," the coworker added, angered by the fact that he was powerless against Vader. "I advise you to wait if you value your life."
"What the hell is he doing here?" Stan demanded.
"He wants the info we have on the Otaku Six, so he can conduct his own investigation."
"Sigh." Stan shook his head. "Celebrities are all alike, regardless if they're humans, Toons, or Sprites."
The Chief tried to hide his fear as Vader leaned over his desk. "Our b-b-best d-detectives are investigating all p-p-possible l-leads..."
Vader generated an aura of fear. "Your best detectives investigate with one eye blinded and one ear deafened. They cannot sense as I do."
The Chief was too scared to feel insulted; he couldn't resist Vader's telepathic attack. "P-p-please g-give them a ch-ch-chance!"
"Lord Vader," a stormtrooper called. "A Detective Anna Mason is asking to see the Police Chief."
Vader raised his head, scanning Anna's mind. 'She has no fear,' unlike the other humans in the building. 'Interesting.' "Let her in."
Anna entered the office and saluted. "Detective Mason, reporting as ordered."
The Chief felt dizzy as the aura of fear dissipated. He shook his head to clear it. "G-good morning, Mason."
"Are you okay, Sir?"
"I... I'm fine. What have you found?" He listened to Anna's report, expressed concern over Andrew and Ryo's disappearance, and ordered her to give Nene the information she had, so the Toon Crimes Unit could continue their investigation. "Gen Vader is supervising the US Air Force's investigation. We've agreed to exchange all information we have, so we can bring the terrorists to justice. I'm assigning you to Gen Vader's staff, as an exchange officer, to iron out the wrinkles," he said, unaware that the Sith Lord was influencing his mind.
Anna was surprised. "What about my friends-- my partners?"
"We'll maintain communications between the Executor," Vader's ship, "and the Animegamigu Police Chief's office, so they may aid our investigation," Vader answered.
"Do you have any other questions?" the Chief added.
"No, Sir," Anna answered.
"Come with me... please." Vader led her out the door.
"Oh..." Ryo moaned as he became conscious. He felt a headache; then the handcuffs binding his hands behind his back; then the folding chair he sat in. "Did anyone get the number on that Gundam?" he asked, tugging the handcuffs.
"It was a Sazabi," Andrew corrected.
"The one Char used?"
"Exactly." Char Aznable, antagonist of 'Gundam', appeared.
Andrew frowned at the Toon. "Didn't you die in 'Char's Counterattack'?"
"I was resurrected to appear in 'Gundam Evolve'," an original animation video (OAV) series promoting the related model kits. "If you survive this, I advise you to read Newtype magazine's model section," Char added.
'I will.' "What do you want with us?" Andrew demanded. "We have nothing to do with the Earth Federation," which Char fought against in 'Gundam'.
"You represent the corrupt organization that will become the tyrannical Earth Federation. I must stop you to prevent that dystopia from becoming our future," Char explained.
Andrew frowned in confusion. "What, you mean the APD?"
Char shook his head. "You Americans are so arrogant, so confident in the power your nuclear arsenal gives you, that you ignore the world's suffering-- suffering you often cause."
Although Andrew grew up in Anigu, he identified himself as an American; the accusation angered him. "You hypocritical little... Did you forget what you did in 'Char's Counterattack'?! Do you remember...?" Char punched his abdomen. "Argh!"
"You have no right to accuse me of hypocrisy," Char hissed. He turned his head as if someone was calling him. "I'll deal with you later." He walked away, until he disappeared in the shadows.
"Are you okay, Mays?" Ryo asked.
"I'm fine. Any idea where we are?"
"The roof's too low to be a warehouse, so we're probably in a basement somewhere. Any idea who's Char's accomplice?" Ryo saw Char's earpiece, which was connected to a radio or cell phone.
"Big Brother," Andrew deadpanned. 'We're under surveillance.'
Ryo understood; he slowly turned his head, looking for hidden cameras or microphones. "If he wants us to play, we'll play." The kidnappers took his revolver; his cell phone; his wristwatch, which hid a garroting wire; his jacket, which hid throwing knives in the sleeves; his belt, which hid a punching dagger in the buckle; the throwing knives strapped around his ankles; and his shoes. 'I have to do this the hard way.' He slowly pulled, trying to slide his hands out of the handcuffs. It wasn't easy, but Ryo was professional; he'd take his time.
"This is an opportunity we can't afford to miss," the businessman said.
"The risks are great," Char noted. "Vader is no fool; he's protected by a mechanized infantry company with air support. The Executor is in geostationary orbit, providing surveillance and artillery support."
"Surely the Red Comet," Char's nickname in 'Gundam', "isn't afraid of a single destroyer, when he destroyed five battleships in the Battle of Loum," a woman asked, smirking.
"A Magellan class battleship is only 220 meters long. The Executor is 19 km long and armed with..."
"Excuses, excuses. I can destroy the Executor with the same tactics the Rebels used in 'Return of the Jedi': bring down the shields with heavy weapons, destroy the bridge and its control systems, and let Earth's gravity well pull the ship to its doom," the woman claimed.
"Very well. I'll order the Yamato to support you," the businessman said.
Vader, Anna, and Nene stood on the heliport, waiting for Capt Saitou Hajime. The Sith Lord would rather have stormtroopers lockdown Anigu and comb the island for the Otaku Six's associates, but the President insisted on a less confrontational approach; Bush wanted the Japanese Prime Minister's support. 'When I am President...'
The radio in Vader's helmet chirped. "Milord, Capt Saitou Hajime has arrived," a stormtrooper reported.
"Escort him to the shuttle," Vader ordered. A gap appeared in the stormtroopers' perimeter, allowing the police captain and two escorts to approach the spacecraft.
Like most Toon officers, Saitou wore his uniform from 'Rurouni Kenshin' instead of an APD uniform. "Gen Vader," he greeted with a shallow bow.
Vader hesitated before returning the bow; the Sprite rarely had to show courtesy to another person, and was unaccustomed to doing so. "Capt Saitou."
"Good morning, Saitou-sempai," Anna greeted.
"Hi, Hajime-chan!" Nene greeted, making the captain frown.
"Saitou-sempai, have your informants reported to you?" Anna asked, drawing the captain's attention from Nene.
Saitou nodded. "Derek Croft, Otaku Sengoku's roommate in college, was seen five minutes ago entering the Kamiya Dojo."
"In Katanakajinomura?" Swordsmiths' Village. "What's he doing there?" Nene wondered.
"The false samurai probably thinks he can challenge Battousai," Saitou guessed.
"Then let us not delay." Vader turned to the shuttle.
"Um, I'll sign out a horse from the stables," Anna said.
Vader faced her. "Do not be concerned about the effects of your natural magnetic field; the cargo compartment is hardened against EM," electromagnetic, "radiation."
"So it can safely transport nuclear weapons?" Saitou guessed.
The Sith Lord faced the police captain, who refused to express his fear. "Yes."
'Damn.' Saitou silently followed Vader into the shuttle.
The shuttle took off and flew towards turning to Katanakajinomura; two Sentinel class landing crafts, eight Twin Ion Engine (TIE) bombers, and 24 TIE interceptors soon joined them.
Katanakajinomura was designated as a historical site after WW2; its inhabitants lived as their ancestors did during the Edo period (1603-1867), making the village the setting of countless samurai and ninja anime.
People in traditional Japanese clothing expressed no surprise as the spacecraft rocketed overhead. "Another hot shot mecha pilot. Why won't they leave us alone?" "The Gundam pilots must learn that technology is no substitute for a warrior's spirit; their mobile suits might make them look like samurai, but it can't make them act like samurai." "That looks more like a Zentradi fighter pod," a man said, pointing at a landing craft. "Do you think they're filming a new 'Macross' story?" "Here?!"
A dozen duelists came to Kamiya Dojo everyday, trying to defeat Himura Kenshin-- alias Hitokiri Battousai (Man Slayer, Sword Draw Master), the hero of 'Rurouni Kenshin'-- and become famous; ambulances made a dozen trips to the dojo everyday, carrying away defeated duelists. Kamiya Kaoru, the dojo owner, wasn't surprised by the spacecraft landing in the courtyard, or by the stormtroopers rushing out of the spacecraft to form a perimeter around the main hall. She approached Vader. "I'm sorry, my husband is busy right now. Would you like to wait in the living room, or come back later?"
"My business is not with Battousai today," Saitou stated as he exited Vader's shuttle.
"Ahhhh!" A young man flew out of the main hall, crashed into a Sentinel's vertical stabilizer, and landed in the courtyard with the broken pieces of his katana.
"My business is with him." Saitou approached the young man he identified as Derek Croft.
"Good afternoon, Kamiya-san," Anna greeted.
"Good afternoon, Officer Mason. May I ask why the police have come today?"
"We believe a known associate of a terrorist has come here today," Anna answered. "Has Mr. Croft...?"
"Ahhhh!" Croft screamed as Vader began interrogating him.
"This is unjust!" they heard Kenshin protest.
"This is just," they heard Saitou deadpan. "The false samurai is a confidant of a terrorist who plotted to steal weapons of mass destruction."
"Silence, Battousai, or you'll draw breath no more."
"Croft-san came to challenge my husband to a duel." Kaoru didn't turn her head as Vader and Saitou walked past her; the Sith Lord gripped Croft's throat and carried him, a fisherman's catch, into the shuttle. "Excuse me, I'm going to make some tea. Kenshin must be thirsty after this duel."
"Goodbye, Kamiya-san." Anna followed Saitou into the shuttle.
Leon and Daily stood in the observation room, watching Saitou question Croft in the interrogation room. "What do we know about the businessman?"
"We know he has a lot of money," Nene answered, trying to sound confident.
"Where did he get the money?" Leon added.
Nene frowned in frustration. 'I wish I knew...'
"Didn't Andrew say he was going to question some bankers before he disappeared?" Daily noted. "Maybe the man in question is a banker."
"Of course!" Nene exclaimed. "A Sazabi crashed into the Yamamoto Bank an hour after Andy left! It was reported as a traffic accident, but... Why didn't I notice the connection?!" She turned around. "Excuse me, I have to call Sylia!" Nene ran out the door.
"Should I warm up your K-suit?" Daily joked.
Leon took the question seriously. "You better call Kai Shiden," his friend, who piloted the RX-77 Guncannon in 'Gundam'. "If a MS," mobile suit, a humanoid fighting vehicle from 'Gundam', "is involved, we'll need another MS to counter it."
The business district usually had heavy traffic, cars and pedestrians filling its streets, smoke and curses filling the air as people in business suits went to and from work. Today, traffic froze in an intersection as a Toon in red armor crossed the street.
A lawyer lost patience and honked his horn. "Get out of my way, bitch!" He released the brake pedal, trying to scare the Toon off the street. Crash, clatter! "Ahhhh!" The lawyer didn't see the blade that cut his luxury sedan in half; he only saw the flying glass that cut his face. He cried, trying to wipe the blood out of his eyes.
Demon Eyes Kyo, from 'Samurai Deeper Kyo', sheathed Tenro (Sky Wolf)-- a nodachi (field sword) whose 152-centimeter-long blade, made by Muramasa, was infamous for its bloodlust. The berserker smiled as he followed the TIEs. 'I am the Strongest in Japan. Vader is the Strongest in America. I will defeat Vader and...'
The Sentinels landed before the Yamamoto Bank. The first and second stormtrooper platoons rushed out of the landing crafts to form a perimeter around the landing zone (LZ); the third and fourth platoons rushed into the bank.
"LZ is secure." "Lobby is secure," the platoon leaders reported.
Vader exited his shuttle and marched into the lobby, generating an aura of fear to prevent the security guards from interfering. Saitou and Anna followed, showing their badges to the nervous people inside. The Sith Lord approached an overweight businessman. "You are the manager, correct?" Vader asked.
"Y-y-y-yes!" The bank manager shivered as if he was freezing to death.
"You have information I need. You will give me this information, or I'll shatter your mind in search of it."
"Ahhhh!" Zap, zap! Crash, clatter! Kenki (sword's breath) blew a stormtrooper through the window and into the lobby, where the Sprite disintegrated.
Vader turned to the door. 'Such a powerful killing aura!' which made the intruder immune to the aura of fear. "Identify yourself."
A Toon in red armor entered the lobby; his killing aura paralyzed the surviving stormtroopers. "I am Demon Eyes Kyo. I come to challenge Darth Vader to a duel, so I can prove I am Strongest." Chick, chick! He heard a katana and a wakizashi exit their scabbards, and turned to sounds. "Hello, Anna."
Anna's swords pointed at the Toon she spent a night with. "If you're collaborating with the terrorists, you'll answer to me!"
Kyo frowned, insulted by her suspicion. "I'm a warrior; I'll never humiliate myself by associating with cowards and weaklings who attack unarmed men and women."
"Why did you attack my men?" Vader added.
"They were in my way." Kyo pointed Tenro at the Sith Lord. "Do you accept the challenge, or will you fly away like a scared little bird?"
The disrespect intrigued Vader instead of angering him. 'Such confidence! He is a worthy opponent.' A Kurosawa Akira fan, he always wanted to face a swordsman like the ones in the late director's film. "I accept." The Sith Lord faced the police officers. "Detective Mason, Capt Saitou, please continue gathering information while I settle this."
Saitou nodded; the samurai-turned-policeman considered duels to be matters of honor. "Finish it quickly... Sir."
Vader approached the door, ordering the stormtroopers to stand down. "Let's handle this outside."
"You silly Americans and your concerns about collateral damage." Kyo followed Vader out of the bank.
Ryo ignored the pain in his hands, covered with bruises when he pulled them out of the handcuffs. He waited for his captors to return; their escape plan may fail if they moved too soon. "How do you feel?" he whispered.
"I feel like I just divorced my arms, and the judge granted my ex-limbs custody of my hands," Andrew deadpanned. 'I hope they plan to shoot us, so we can rush the gunmen and escape through the door they came in. If they plan to use starvation or suffocation...' Boom! "Ahhhh!"
Vader watched particle beams transform the TIE bombers into fireballs. 'The Executor needs a Strike Eagle squadron onboard,' he thought, remembering the F-15E fighter-bomber's performance in the real-life wars he fought. The Sith Lord held his arms sideways, standing still as the beams reached for him. "Dark Disco Deejay!" He spun like a vinyl record; disco music filled the air as his lightsabers deflected the beams back at the MS that fired them. One destroyed the beam shot rifle, which exploded in the MSN-04 Sazabi's hands; the rest bounced off its Gundarium armor, doing no harm besides scorching the paint.
Kyo sneered at the funnels-- psycommu-controlled remote weapons-- as he danced around beams they fired. "Is this the best you can do?" He raised Tenro over his head, caressing the blade like a lover's face. "Mumyo Jinpuu Ryu Satsujin Ken," the Dark Divine Wind Art of the Killing Sword. "Mizuchi!" He slashed to project kenki, making metal shattered like glass.
Six funnels burst into flames and crashed onto the street. 'I underestimated them,' Char thought. 'I won't do that again.' The Sazabi's mega particle cannon targeted Vader. "Sieg Zeon!" Clang! "What?!" A blow to the knee unbalanced the MS, making the particle beam hit the street instead of the Sith Lord.
Anna swung her swords like a lumberjack's ax, putting her weight behind each blow to sever the Sazabi's lower leg. "Die!" Clang! "Die!" Clang! "Die!" Clang!
Char didn't see or hear the kneepad crack, but the warning lights flashing in the cockpit, and the alarms howling in his ears, warned him of the danger. "Damn." He pushed the throttle.
Boom! "Ah!" The glare from the Sazabi's rocket engines blinded Anna. The policewoman closed her eyes, crossed her swords in front of her, and stepped backwards. Whoosh! The MS kicked the crossed swords, throwing Anna against a wall. "Ite!"
"Anna!" Kyo jumped, slashing at the cockpit; the hatch cracked like an eggshell. His left hand held onto the Sazabi's breastplate as he raised Tenro, planning to crush the cockpit and kill the pilot. Whoosh! The berserker was fast enough to block the metal palm, but not strong enough to stop the MS from swatting him off like an insect, pushing him towards a building. Kyo somersaulted, kicked against the wall, and flew towards the MS, his nodachi reaching for the Sazabi's head.
The Sazabi's beam tomahawk blocked Kyo's thrust and threw the berserker towards the street, a child throwing away a toy. This act left Char open to Vader's Mirror Ball, which blew the Sazabi off its feet. 'Impossible!' The back of Char's head slammed into the headrest, stunning the MS pilot. When he recovered, he saw light through the cracks in the hatch. Shadows blocked the light in several places. Crash, clatter! "Ahhhh!" Char screamed as Tenro shattered the hatch and pierced his abdomen, pinning him to the seat.
"Do you have any last words before I tear you to pieces with my bare hands?" Kyo snarled.
Char meant to say, "Sieg Zeon," but his last words became screams and cries when the berserker's fingers tore into his flesh.
Ryo and Andrew stared at the hole in the ceiling. "What was that?!"
"It looked like a beam from a Gundam's rifle," Andrew said. "I guess Nene brought some friends over." He approached the hole. "Give me a boost, will you?" Ryo held his hands together; Andrew jumped off this improvised step to reach the ceiling. He stuck his head through the hole; then a sword blade touched his neck. 'Damn.'
The detective turned his head. "Anna? What are you doing here?"
"Investigating the Yamamoto Bank," Anna answered.
Andrew raised his hand. "Can you...? Whoa!" he exclaimed when Anna's left hand lifted him out of the bomb shelter, onto the street. "Thanks." He laid down to reach into the hole. "Ryo, can you...?"
"Mokkoriiii!" Ryo rocketed through the hole, reaching for Anna's breasts. Slash! Blood flowed from his wrists like water from a fountain. "Ahhhh!" He fell back down the hole.
"Sigh." 'I wish he'd think with his other head.' Andrew looked into the hole. "Ryo, are you still alive?"
"Yes," the Toon weakly answered.
Andrew heard metal hit asphalt, and turned his head. "The Knight Sabers," the vigilante group that Nene was a member of, "are here. Stay still until they can get you out, okay?"
The Yamato, formerly known as the Sea Bat, was a nuclear-powered ballistic missile submarine. It appeared in 'Silent Service' as a ship jointly developed by the US and Japanese militaries, but whose Japanese crew mutinied and declared the Yamato an independent nation. The controversial anime was popular in Japan, but unpopular in the US for its negative portrayal of Americans.
Captain (O6) Kaieda Shiro was an idealist who dreamed of a "Silent Service"-- a global peacekeeping force, consisting of nuclear submarines that weren't controlled by any country, which used the threat of nuclear weapons to prevent wars. 'I will make my dream a reality.' "Bring the ship to launch depth," he ordered.
"Flood all missile tubes."
"All?!" the executive officer (XO) exclaimed.
"Our target is protected by heavy armor and powerful energy shields," Kaieda explained. "We cannot afford to underestimate its defenses."
"Yes, Sir... Flooding all missile tubes."
Kaieda stared at his watch as he held the firing trigger; the timing must be perfect for the strike team to succeed in their mission. 'Five... four... three...' "For world peace." He squeezed the trigger.
Anna raised a hand, telling the paramedics she didn't need them to carry her, and proudly limped into the ambulance.
Kyo watched the ambulance drive away. 'Good girl.' He shook the blood off of Tenro before pointing it at Vader. "Let's finish this... Let's determine who is Strongest."
"I..." The Sith Lord raised his head as if he heard something; he turned around to watch 16 shooting stars reach for the sky.
Kyo's eyes tracked the stars. "Are those nuclear missiles?"
"Yes." Vader faced Kyo. "We'll finish this later." He threw a business card like a dart; the berserker's left hand flashed in front of his chest, catching the card. "This is the phone number of my agent. Call her to schedule our next duel." He marched towards his shuttle.
Kyo ran after Vader. "I refuse to wait one minute after the ones who interfered with our duel are dead. I'll help you kill the cowards so we can finish this sooner."
The Sith Lord looked into the berserker's burning red eyes. "Very well, I accept your help." He turned to the stormtroopers. "First and Second Platoon, assist the police in apprehending the suspects. Third and Fourth Platoon, come with me." Vader led Kyo to his shuttle.
The Knight Sabers and the police officers watched the shuttle takeoff, followed by a landing craft and escorted by TIE interceptors. "What the hell is going on here?" Priscilla S. "Priss" Asagiri-- the Knight Saber in the blue hardsuit-- demanded.
Saitou gripped the bank manager's throat. "He will answer our question, or identify someone who can." The police captain easily lifted the overweight man off his feet. "Yes?"
"Yes," the bank manager weakly answered.
Close-in weapon systems (CIWS) studded the Executor's hull, defending the ship against fighters, bombers, torpedoes, and missiles; the automated gun turrets had no problem detecting, tracking, and intercepting the 16 missiles.
Vader stood in the shuttle's cockpit, watching the missiles explode harmlessly kilometers away from the star dreadnought's armor hull; then his radio chirped.
"Milord, we've located the launch platform," the Executor's XO reported. "It's an unidentified nuclear submarine, located in grid coordinates," he recited some numbers, "at a depth of 50 meters."
"Destroy the ship; then send a sea trooper company to capture any surviving crewmembers."
Kyo was from an anime set in 1604, but he studied modern war so he could defeat modern warriors. "If you want prisoners, why don't you just cripple the sub and force it to surface?" he asked.
"One SSBN," the USN hull classification symbol for a nuclear-powered ballistic missile submarine, "is no match for the Executor. The captain must realize this; he or she must have knowingly accepted a suicide mission, with orders to self-destruct the ship to prevent capture."
Kyo smirked. "Never underestimate human stupidity."
The Executor's heavy turbolaser turrets rained plasma beams on the Pacific, transforming seawater into steam as they reached for the submarine.
"Ahhhh!" The Yamato's XO covered his face, scalded by the steam leaking from a crack in the hull. The submarine broke in half as if a giant hammer struck it.
Kaieda was thrown against the ceiling as the prow and stern, now separated from each other, rose vertically. "Argh!" His eyes opened; the XO's eyes, filled with tears, looked into them. "I'm sorry," he whispered. The XO nodded, silently forgiving his commanding officer (CO) before a wall of boiling water fell on their heads, knocking them unconscious.
"Are you finished?" Kyo impatiently asked.
Vader raised his head, using the Force to scan the wreckage. "One enemy has fallen, but another is approaching."
Kyo looked out the window, seeing fireballs fly towards the shuttle. "What did you do to incur Sunrise's wrath?" he asked, referring to the studio responsible for 'Gundam'.
Vader ignored the berserker as he radioed the Executor. "Are the robots in torpedo range?" he asked, knowing the TIE interceptors' weapons weren't powerful enough to penetrate Gundarium armor.
The XO looked at the tactical display. "They're at maximum range; the torpedo guidance systems will have great difficult tracking them."
"Then launch a salvo in their path. I want a wall of steel between the robots and my shuttle." The targets were well within turbolaser range, but the plasma beams could shoot past the targets, towards Anigu; the resulting collateral damage would be unacceptable.
"Yes, Milord." 100,000 proton torpedoes rained on the OZ-02MD Virgo mobile dolls-- unmanned, computer-controlled mobile suits. The battle was anticlimactic; some Virgos tried to dodge the missiles, some tried to shoot down the torpedoes, but none could survive the salvo. Earth's gravity well caught the wreckages and the unexploded ordnance (UXO), which burned up in the atmosphere.
"Oh ho ho ho ho ho!" Dorothy Catalonia laughed, watching her plan fall apart. "Your brain matches your brawn perfectly, Vader! I can't wait for our next match up! Oh ho ho ho ho ho!" Her OZ-13MS Gundam Epyon moved from its hiding place behind a USAF spy satellite, transformed into a two-headed dragon-- its mobile armor mode-- and reentered the atmosphere.
"What now?" Kyo asked.
Vader checked his stopwatch. "Now we meditate to heal our injuries and recover our strength. We inspect our weapons and perform any necessary maintenance or repairs. I'll recharge my lightsaber as my men reload their weapons."
"The enemy will do the same," the berserker noted.
"The enemy's failure to overwhelm our defenses suggests poor tactics or poor logistics. We can recover faster than them, and we'll crush them as they hide in their holes, licking their wounds," Vader swore, raising his fist.
"Fine, go jack off in your meditation chamber." Kyo turned to the pilots. "You got anything to drink?" he asked in surprisingly fluent English.
"Coffee, Sir." The copilot handed the berserker a thermos bottle.
"An alcoholic drink."
Kyo sighed. "Never mind."
> 03 <
Aoka raised an eyebrow, unable to believe Anna's words. "You engaged a Gundam in hand-to-hand combat?"
"It was a Sazabi," Saitou corrected.
"What was that?" Aoka wasn't an otaku; she could only identify the RX-78 Gundam and the MS-06 Zaku II from the first 'Gundam' series.
"MSN-04 Sazabi," Saitou began, reciting the MS's tech specs.
"Height: 23.0 meters.
"Weight: 30.5 tons empty, 71.2 tons fully loaded.
"Armament: one mega particle cannon, two beam sabers, six 'funnel' remote weapons..."
"Thank you, Saitou-san." Aoka adjusted the daisho at her waist-- Anna's daisho, which the policewoman entrusted to her because patients weren't allowed to bring weapons into a hospital-- as she examined the x-rays of Anna's chest and abdomen. "I see no signs of internal injuries." She faced her patient, who sat upright in the hospital bed. "How do you feel, Anna-chan?"
"I'm okay, Aoka-sensei," Anna answered. "I'm sorry to bother you with such a minor concern."
Aoka looked into Anna's eyes, expressing the love a mother would feel towards a child. "Your health is not a minor concern to me."
Saitou saw something in Aoka's eyes, and assumed she felt a different kind of love for Anna. "I'll leave you two alone." He turned around and walked out the door; the women didn't see his smirk.
"You face deadly enemies everyday-- terrorists with machine guns, bombs, and now, giant robots. Have you ever considered getting a new job?" Aoka asked.
"What else can I do?" Anna's condition made it difficult for her to find work in today's high-tech job market.
Aoka smiled. "I can use an extra hand in the clinic... someone to help me mix herbs and prepare medicines."
"But I have the strength to fight evil. I must protect the innocent and punish the sinners."
"Sigh." Aoka brushed the blood-red hair away from Anna's face. She looked into the dark eyes as she caressed Anna's left cheek. "You also have the beauty to move hearts and souls. You should..."
"Anna-chan!" Four Sailor Senshi-- Tsukino Usagi, Mizuno Ami, Hino Rei, and Kino Makoto-- rushed into the room. "Are you okay?!" Usagi asked.
"Aoka-sensei." Ami bowed; the doctor returned the courtesy. "May I examine Anna's x-rays?" She had a medical degree (MD).
"Yes." Aoka handed the x-rays to the Toon.
"Sorry I'm late!" Aino Minako rushed into the room. "The nurses won't let me in because I was wearing a nurse's uniform so I can take care of you, but they said only certified nurses can wear a nurse's uniform in a hospital because if a fake nurse makes a mistake while she's taking care of a patient here, they can be sued for medical malpractice, Usagi, here's your disguise pen, thanks for letting me borrow it!" She held the magical instrument to her side, and absentmindedly dropped it; Usagi barely caught the disguise pen before it hit the floor. "You're not gonna die, are you?!" Her arms flailed in a hysterical fit.
"No!" Ami pushed Minako away from the hospital bed, towards the door. "The x-rays show no sign of internal injuries. Now step aside so Aoka-sensei can do her job."
"But...!" Minako was silenced when Ami shut the door in front of her.
Aoka noticed Ami's angry frown. "Is something the matter?"
"She means well, but..." "She ends up hurting the people she meant to heal." The Sailor Senshi in the room simultaneously sighed, remembering the episode where they were all bedridden due to flu, and the chaos Minako caused trying to nurse them back to health. "The road to hell is paved with good intentions."
"I'll keep that in mind," Aoka deadpanned.
"I just want to help... Sniff!" Minako wiped the tears from her eyes. "Why won't they trust me...?" She noticed a doctor, whose lab coat reached to the floor, walk down the hallway; "PSYCHO" marked the doctor's nametag. "Hi, Doc, are you busy, is there anything I can do to help, I'm not afraid of cooties, I'll work night and day to help those who are hurt, because I'm a warrior of Love and Justice, you know?"
"Ah, yes." Dr Psycho turned to the door. "Is this Officer Anna Mason's room?"
"Why, yes, it's Anna-chan's room, she's a friend of mine, we went to junior high together, her father is in the US Navy, her family used to lived right next to Mako-chan, another friend of mine, but they moved back to America..." Minako sensed danger behind her, and ducked as a tentacle reached over her head; a hypodermic needle, extending from the tentacle, missed by centimeters. 'An enemy!' The clamps on two tentacles reached for her breasts. "Yaaaa!" She turned sideways to dodge the clamps; they guided the tentacles around her body to capture her. "Venus Star Power, Makeup!" A force field protected a Sailor Senshi as she transformed; Minako, alias Sailor Venus, used hers to repel the tentacles. "Venus Stunner!" She threw a flashbang grenade at Psycho, blinding and deafening him.
"Argh!" Psycho's coat flew open as his ten mechanical tentacles-- tipped with clamps for groping breasts, electrodes for stimulating a woman's nipples and clitoris, needles for injecting drugs, hoses for administering enemas, and vibrators-- flailed. "You bitch! I'll enjoy violating your virgin flesh!" The cybernetic systems quickly recovered his hearing.
"Venus Love Me Chain..."
Psycho sneered. 'I've studied videos of the Sailor Senshi's battles; I know my cybernetic strength can overpower Venus. Her own magic chains will become her restraints, and she'll become my...' Then he recovered his vision.
Venus wore a yellow hardsuit with a 1200 round magazine attached to the backplate. "Gun!" She gripped Cupid-- a M6D 12.7 mm pistol-- and Adonis-- a M230 30 mm automatic cannon-- in her left and right hands.
Psycho's jaw fell open in shock; his scream of terror echoed Venus' scream of rage as Cupid and Adonis rained semi-armor-piercing high explosive (SAP-HE) and high explosive dual-purpose (HEDP) rounds to shoot off his clamps and needles.
The walls couldn't silence the sounds of battle. 'Mina-chan!' The Sailor Senshi reached for their transformation wands as they faced the humans. "Anna-chan, Aoka-sensei, please..." Usagi didn't have time to say, "... wait here until we make sure it's safe," before Dr Psycho burst through the wall.
"Moon Eternal Power, Makeup!" Usagi, Ami, Rei, and Makoto transformed into Eternal Sailor Moon and Sailors Mercury, Mars, and Jupiter. It took time to do so; Psycho used this time to coil two tentacles around Aoka's body, locking her arms to her sides.
"Freeze, or I'll crush the life out of her!" Psycho faced Usagi; sparks flew from the live wires where four tentacles were shot off. "The legendary Sailor Moon." He smiled. "I've heard many stories about the sacrifices you made to save the innocent. What will you sacrifice to save this woman? Your virgin...?" Ouka and Chouchou flew from their scabbards, a pair of eagles from their nests. "Argh!" he cried when they severed two tentacles, freeing the hostage. His electrodes slammed against the blades, pinning them to the floor; the katana and wakizashi shook, trapped animals struggling to escape.
Aoka fell onto the floor. "Ah!" She pushed against the floor, got on her feet, and ran away from the cyborg. "Ite!" A vibrator hit her back, stunning her as another tentacle coiled around her leg.
"Aoka-sensei!" Sailors Mercury and Mars ran towards the doctor.
"Bitch!" Psycho's hoses shot pressurized water at the Sailor Senshi, slamming them against a wall.
Usagi watched Minako aim Cupid and Adonis at Psycho. "No! You'll hit Aoka-sensei!" She could use her Starlight Honeymoon Therapy Kiss to attack an enemy without harming an innocent hostage, but the setup time was too long; Psycho would kill Aoka in that time.
Psycho smiled at Usagi. "So you have a brain to match your body. You know you cannot..." The IV stand-- unused because intravenous (IV) needles couldn't penetrate Anna's skin-- flew towards his head. "Ya!" He leaned sideways as a tentacle slammed the makeshift javelin against a wall, bending the IV stand; this shifted his weight off the katana and wakizashi.
Anna's hands opened, using her ability to control the intensity and direction of her natural magnetic field to summon Ouka and Chouchou. "Shrieeeek!"
Psycho saw Anna charge; the tentacles held his hostage between him and the policewoman. Anna didn't slow down; she wouldn't stop until she quenched her thirst for blood.
Aoka tried to look into the policewoman's eyes; they looked through her to focus on Psycho. 'Will you thrust your swords through me to reach the monster?' The doctor's eyes closed. 'No... I trust you.'
Psycho thought Anna would kill his human shield to kill him. "Yaaaa!" Tentacles reached for her; the policewoman ducked under the hostage, spinning Chouchou to sever the tentacles, before Ouka pierced Psycho's abdomen. "Argh!" He was pinned to a wall, a cyborg butterfly.
Makoto lunged, catching the doctor in her arms. "Are you okay, Aoka-sensei?"
"I'm okay. Is Anna...?"
"You lusted for my friends and I, and sinned against us." Anna's katana conducted her magnetic field, jamming the cybernetics in Psycho's body; the paralyzed cyborg could only watch the wakizashi flash to his sides, severing his arms.
"Ahhhh!" Psycho shook, trying to will his severed limbs to rise up and punish the policewoman. "You bitch, I'm gonna...!
"You will pay for your sins with blood." Anna put her left hand in front of Psycho's eyes.
"Let the blood cleanse the earth of sin."
'What happened to her?' Aoka felt something bounce off her shoes, and looked down. "Gasp!" Psycho's eyes, trailing blood, rolled to her feet. Splat! Skin, torn from Psycho's forehead, landed ten centimeters away.
"I think she's okay," Makoto answered.
"She's going berserk!" Aoka knew how dangerous Anna was in this state. "We must stop her before she...!"
"No!" Usagi shouted. "This... monster... violated the sanctity of this hospital, and attempted to violate the sanctity of a woman's body. He must be punished for his crimes."
Aoka looked into the Sailor Senshi's eyes; they expressed rage that was uncharacteristic for magical girls who were meant to be role models for schoolgirls. 'Did Anna infect them with her berserker rage? Or do they always hide this rage deep within their hearts, a land mine waiting to be triggered?' She turned to Anna, whose fingers tore into Psycho's chest. 'Toons act too human to be confined by our dreams.'
Whoosh! Hinomura Yo, the assassin known as "Crying Freeman" before he became Lung Taaiyeung (Dragon Sun), leader of the 108 Dragons crime syndicate, jumped to dodge Saitou's thrust and attack the head of his opponent. The police captain jumped, slashing upwards. Yo blocked the shinai (bamboo sword), but his opponent was too powerful; the slash broke Yo's shinai and hit his breastplate. Yo landed on his hands and feet like a cat; Saitou landed on his feet like a man, the undisputed victor.
"Your Gatotsu," Fang Thrust, Saitou's sword art, "is impressive." Crying Freeman stood up and took off his helmet. "What questions do you have?" The answer was Saitou's reward for winning the duel.
"The Otaku Six were recently hired to hijack the Death Star. The Yamamoto Bank laundered money for the mercenaries; its CEO," Chief Executive Officer, "is now missing. I need to know who hired the Otaku Six, or the whereabouts of someone who knows." Detectives often relied on underworld informants to provide info; Saitou relied on Yo, who he respected as a warrior.
"The MS pilot who attacked Vader-- he was unable to identify his coconspirator?"
"Char Aznable is still comatose after Demon Eyes Kyo... punished him... for hurting the berserker's girlfriend," Saitou explained.
'So Sword Breaker can bleed,' Yo noted. He controlled part of Hanamura and the sex trade; he knew of Anna's fearsome reputation. "My men will comb the city..." He turned to the door.
A bodyguard stood in the doorway, holding an envelope. "Lung Taaiyeung."
"Excuse me, Saitou-san." Yo walked to the door, opened the envelope, and read the message inside. "It seems Vader has the information you need. Imperial walkers, supported by TIE fighters, are approaching the Sunrise President's home."
Saitou sighed. 'Damn Americans.' "Then let me ask you another question. A police officer was injured on duty, and was sent to the Mechatown Hospital for observations. Dr Psycho, the antagonist of the 'SM Nurses' H-anime, was arrested after a failed attempt to abduct this officer. I need to know..."
"Who hired Dr Psycho to abduct Sword Breaker?" Yo finished. "The Oyabun whose sword she broke, of course."
"When did you learn of this?" Saitou demanded.
"This evening. My men saw the Oyabun in a karaoke bar, proudly displaying his prosthetic penis, with which he'd exact his vengeance... a premature display, as Psycho has yet to..."
"Did you detain him?"
"I saw no reason to do so," Yo answered.
"You idiot!" Saitou said with uncharacteristic anger. "Mason and her friends, the Sailor Senshi, were about to tear down Hanamura in search of Psycho's employer! I offered to personally investigated this manner, and convinced them to wait until I was finished, but they won't wait forever!"
Yo suppressed a smirk. "Why did you make a woman's concern into your own? Do you fear them?"
"I fear no man or woman. I fear mecha, and the Sailor Senshi own five VF-1A Valkyries!" transforming fighters from 'Macross'.
Yo suppressed the urge to panic. "How did they get their dainty hands on the mecha?"
"Tatsunoko Pro sold the Angelbirds," the VF-1 aerobatic team whose colors resembled a schoolgirl's sailor suit, "to pay the legal fees for their last lawsuit against Studio Nue." The Japanese Supreme Court ruled that Tatsunoko Pro owned the copyrights for 'Macross'.
'I must discipline my men for failing to report such important information.' "You have my sincere apologies, Saitou-san. Psycho's accomplice will be captured and delivered to you by noontime tomorrow, dead or..."
"Dead," the police captain insisted. "I don't want to deal with this again."
Lightning flashed as TIE interceptors and bombers escorted Y-85 Titan dropships to a mansion; thunder roared as All Terrain Scout Transport (AT-ST), All Terrain Armored Transport (AT-AT), All Terrain Antiaircraft (AT-AA), and Self-Propelled Medium Artillery-Turbolaser (SPMA-T) walkers marched out of the dropships, towards the building.
A RX-78GP03S Gundam led a RGM-79C squadron towards the Imperial walkers. "Don't worry! Those cheap American mecha are no match for a Gundam, or a mobile suit squadron!" the security chief declared. His beam rifle targeted a SPMA-T with advertisements for the 'Star Wars Battlefront 2' video game painted on its sides. Clang! "What...?" He turned to his side; a robot arm was locked around the Gundam's right arm. Crack, clatter! "Ahhhh!" he screamed when his Gundam was literally disarmed. A metal boot kicked the Gundam's posterior, adding insult to the damage and slamming it towards the ground.
Colonel (O6) Starscream, a Decepticon who joined the USAF in 1995, threw aside the Gundam's right arm and beam rifle like pieces of trash. The MSs froze in midair; the pilots saw the ease with which Starscream defeated a Gundam, and were too shocked to attack. "I thought fighting a Gundam would be a challenge, an opportunity to prove my strength; I'm disappointed." He saw Lieutenant Colonels (O5) Skywarp and Thundercracker-- Decepticons, evil robots from 'Transformers' who, like Starscream, joined the USAF after Hasbro stopped marketing the 'Transformers: Generation 2' toy line-- approach the MSs to attack their flanks and close the trap; he raised his hand, silently ordering them to wait. "I'll give you meat bags a choice: drop your weapons and fly away like scared little birds, or be butchered like cattle." One MS stood firm; the rest rocketed away, the pilots praying for God to spare their lives. "Do you want to die?"
"That's a question I should ask you, damn foreigner," the MS pilot arrogantly stated. "I, the Brave Raiden, will..." He targeted Starscream; he didn't notice he was the center of a triangle formed by the three Decepticons. Zap, zap, whoosh, boom, boom, zap! "Ahhhh!" Laser beams, high explosive antitank (HEAT) rounds, and missiles hammered the MS from three directions, transforming it into burning pieces of metal that rained destruction on the neatly trimmed bushes surrounding the mansion.
The Decepticons watched stormtroopers rappel out of the AT-ATs to secure the mansion. Minutes later, a man was dragged out of his home.
The Sunrise President struggled against the stormtroopers. "Don't touch me with those filthy...!" A stormtrooper butt stroked the back of his head. "Ite!" He knelt in front of an Imperial shuttle. "What is the meaning of this?!" He watched Darth Vader march out of the shuttle, followed by Kyo. "Gasp!"
"You are the President of Sunrise, correct?" Vader watched the man nod, too scared to speak. "Your anime studio is responsible for animating the mobile suit that attacked me and interfered with an honorable duel, the ballistic missile submarine that attacked my ship, and the mobile dolls that attacked my shuttle. I demand an explanation for such behavior."
"I don't know anything about..." Force lightning set the Sunrise President's nerves on fire; his mouth opened, but he didn't have the breath to scream.
Vader ceased his attack, allowing the man to gasp for air. "I demand to know why you ordered your men to attack me."
"I didn't give any orders to attack!" the Sunrise President cried. "I run an anime studio, not an army!"
Kyo sneered. "Why would an anime studio build a ballistic missile submarine? Why would you support the hypocritical views of the idiot who wrote 'Silent Service'?"
"World peace is not an idiot's idea!"
"I must agree," Starscream said. "Peace through tyranny, Megatron's plan, was proven many times in Earth's history. For example, Qin Shihuang," the Qin Dynasty's First Emperor, "authorized..."
The Sunrise President listened to the Decepticon's lecture on Chinese history, shocked by the perversion of his ideals. "Kawaguchi-san," Kawaguchi Kaiji, creator of 'Silent Service', "does not advocate peace through tyranny! He advocates the creation of a global peacekeeping force, free of governmental control, which will enforce peace through... Ite!" he cried when Kyo kicked him.
"Bullshit! If you're going to use WMD," weapons of mass destruction, i.e., NBC weapons, "to enforce peace, then admit you want to rule the world. Don't lie that your army is just a peacekeeping force." The berserker accessed websites on 'Silent Service' as he waited on the Executor; he knew of Kaieda's plans.
Vader turned to Kyo. 'Smart man. He might have a role in my plans to...'
Yakuza escorted the limping Oyabun towards his office. "Sir, now that Blowup Doll has defeated Psycho, I respectfully advise you to..." The deputy paused, seeking a respectful way to say, "run and hide."
The Oyabun's hand closed around the throat of his deputy, and threw the man against a wall. "I will not dishonor myself and my noble ancestors by running and hiding from a woman." He turned away. "Is my comfort ready?"
"Cough, cough!" The deputy bowed. "Yes, Oyabun."
The yakuza boss opened the doors to reveal two pillars in the middle of the office. A Toon policewoman was spread-eagled between the pillars. "Why do you keep getting Toons instead of real women?" he angrily demanded.
"Real women don't heal as quickly as Toons, if at all." The deputy grabbed a katana from a table in front of the pillars, flayed off the Toon's blouse, and pinched a red welt on her breast. "If she was a real woman, she'd fall unconscious, and the fun would be over."
The Oyabun sadistically smiled as the masochistic Toon moaned in agony and ecstasy. "Let's see what else we can do to her." He took the katana from his deputy...
Clank, clank! Two "May Specials," modified blast grenades, rolled into the office. Boom! "Ahhhh!" The yakuza closed their eyes and covered their ears when the grenades detonated; they didn't see Irene "Rally" Vincent, fulltime gunsmith and part-time bounty huntress, roll into the office.
"One, two, three, four..." Rally counted as she shot off the yakuza's thumbs to stop them from drawing their weapons. "16!" She chambered an extra bullet as part of her preparations; now she had one shot.
"Ahhhh!" "My hand!" The yakuza laid on the floor, holding their hands to their chests as blood flowed from the wounds.
A M60C 7.62 mm machine gun-- the prosthetic penis Psycho surgically attached to the Oyabun-- tore open his pants. "You bitch!" He pulled the cocking handle to chamber a bullet.
Rally squeezed the trigger of her CZ 75 SP-01 9 mm pistol. "17!"
The Oyabun smiled, feeling no pain. "Out of bullets, you stupid bitch?" He targeted Rally. Click! "What?" The Oyabun looked down to see a bullet hole behind the cocking handle; the firing pin was broken and unable to fire. He fell unconscious when "Minnie" May Hopkins, a bomb specialist and Rally's partner, threw a third grenade at his feet.
Rally reloaded as a police detective escorted Hino Emu, Yo's wife and deputy, into the office. "We did a good job, didn't we?" she asked the detective, a member of the 108 Dragons.
Emu drew her katana and beheaded the Oyabun. "Yes." She shook the blood off the blade.
Rally targeted Emu's head. "What are you doing?!"
The detective reached for his Colt Python .357 Magnum (9 x 33 mm R) revolver. Rally shifted the CZ 75 to her left hand-- too quickly for Emu to take advantage of this split-second-- to target Emu's head, while a hidden spring propelled a CZ 92 .25 ACP (6.35 x 15.5 mm SR) pistol into her right hand. The huntress outdrew the detective and targeted his head, making him pause. "Mistress?" he called with controlled fear.
May drew a S & W Model 360 .357 Magnum revolver-- loaded with .38 Special ammo, which generated lower recoil-- to help her partner. 'Why do we keep getting into Mexican standoffs?'
"We didn't come here to commit murder!" Rally angrily stated.
Emu waved at the detective, ordering him to lower his pistol. "He intended to use that,"-- her katana pointed at the prosthetic penis-- "against a woman. Could you forgive him if he used it against you,"-- she turned to May-- "or your partner? Would you spare him if he hurt her?"
Rally sighed, lowering her pistols. "No."
"So you understand."
"Yeah, but I still don't like it."
Emu handed Rally an envelope as the detective placed the Oyabun's head in a waterproof-- or in this case, blood-proof-- suitcase. "Nonetheless, you've earned your fee." She led the detective out of the office as Rally cut open the envelope, examined the money inside, and pocketed it.
"Will you help me?" The Toon policewoman seductively writhed. "I'll be your sex slave if you free me."
May faced the policewoman. "If we free you, and you repay us by becoming a..." She blushed, unable to continue.
"What's the point?!" Rally finished.
"I'm an H-anime heroine." The policewoman was brainwashed to serve as a sex slave in her H-anime OAV.
Rally and May sighed. "I should've known."
"So..." Bang, bang, bang, bang! 9 mm bullets shot off the chains without harming the policewoman. "Thank you!" She performed a zarei: she kneeled, placed her hands upon the floor, and bowed until her head touched her hands. "My name is Ada Sakura," easily scattered cherry blossom, slang for a fickle woman. "I'd be happy to..." She looked up; the huntresses had left the building. "Sigh."
> 04 <
Sunday, Oct 3, 2004. Morning.
The Chief held his head in his hands, resting his elbows on his desk; he felt like a wrecking ball had hammered his body to until one bone stood to resist his collapse. "Why am I signing an arrest warrant for a dead man?" whose head was delivered to Saitou one hour ago.
"This yakuza hired Dr Psycho, an H-anime antagonist, to kidnap Detective Mason. Mason defeated Psycho, learned of his plan, and was about to storm Hanamura-- with five Valkyries-- in search of him," Saitou explained.
"I thought she couldn't pilot mecha?"
"The Valkyries belong to the Sailor Senshi." Saitou watched the Chief leaned forward; the one bone fractured as the man imagined the magical girls piloting mecha. "You must sign the arrest warrant so we can prevent Mason from demolishing the district in an attempt to arrest him herself."
"Sigh." The Chief signed the mountain of paperwork dealing with Saitou's investigation of the dead man. Knock, knock! "What?!"
"Did I come at a bad time, Chief?"
"Sorry, Andrew. Come on in."
The Toon Crimes Unit leader entered the office. "Morning, Saitou." He turned to the desk. "Man! You look like Saitou was using you for tameshigiri!" testing a new sword's sharpness. "What happened?"
"The Mayor, the US Navy, trigger-happy police officers, lawyers representing a dozen anime studios, and 'businessmen' in H-Ville all have their hands on me, pushing me to do what they want me to do." The Chief laid his head on the desk. "I'm all beat up." Ring, ring! "That's probably Darth freaking Vader calling to finish me." He weakly knocked the handset off the phone. "Hello?"
"Chief, this is the Goddess Relief Office," a seductive voice purred. "I'm here to grant you a wish, which will help you realize your dream, or find relief from your nightmare. Right now, you need to think about your worst nightmare, and wish for relief from it."
"Who is this?"
"I'm Urd, Goddess 2nd Class, limited license."
The Chief pushed the handset towards Andrew. "I think it's for you."
Andrew raised the handset to his ear. "Urd?"
"Hello, Mays," the Goddess purred.
"Why are you calling the Chief?" Andrew knew Urd rarely called humans, or accepted calls from them.
"We goddesses foresee great tragedy for him, and are offering a chance to avoid this tragedy."
Saitou pressed the button for the speakerphone. "What kind of tragedy?" he demanded.
"Something like a BDZ," Urd answered.
"What's a BDZ?"
"Base Delta Zero, or BDZ, is the Imperial code for an order to destroy all population centers and resources-- including industry, natural resources, and cities-- by bombing a planetary surface into molten slag."
Five seconds passed. Then... "Damn," the men simultaneously cursed.
"Can you stop Vader from bombing Anigu into the ocean?" the Chief asked.
"Vader is one of many individuals with the firepower to perform a BDZ," Urd stated. "China and Russia's nuclear arsenals, the Z Warriors and their friends," whose ki (breath) attacks destroyed entire planets in 'Dragon Ball Z', "the Zentradi, Zeon forces... We don't know who'll be the one to erase Anigu from the map, and we can't stop them all. All we goddesses know is we must save as many lives as we can."
"And what can we do?" Andrew asked.
"Investigate, find the one who'll be responsible for this tragedy, and stop him," Urd answered. "Do you want to wish your family was somewhere safe, Chief?"
"9-11," the Sept 11, 2001 terror attacks, "proved no place is 100% safe for anyone. No, I'll wish you'll give me the brains and brawn I need to solve this mystery before it's too late," the Chief answered.
"You can find the necessary brains and brawn among your people; you just need to guide them."
"Thanks for the vote of confidence," Andrew deadpanned.
"Anything else?" Urd added.
"I'll call you when I think of something. Why don't you help someone more needy first?" the Chief suggested.
"I will. See you later... I hope." She whispered the last two words, trying to hide her fear; then the dial tone filled the room.
The men faced each other. "Any ideas?" the Chief asked.
"I'm gonna call my informants in Cobra," the terrorist organization from 'G.I. Joe'. "They must know something, or know someone with something."
"I'm going to tell the women the good news so they'll spare Hanamura." Saitou exited the office.
'Now we see a murder as good news. Do terrorists see the world the same way?' the Chief wondered.
Monsignor Peter Johnson, the Church of Holy Light's abbot, had the worst job in Anigu. A Roman Catholic priest in a nation that didn't understand the Roman Catholic Church, he spent most of his time trying to correct Japan's misconceptions, which they received from the Americans and the English heretics who colonized America. When he began administering to the faithful of Anigu, young men filled the church every Sunday, filling him with confidence in his work-- confidence that disappeared when the young men asked him to set them up with the whorish nuns they saw in H-anime.
Msgr. Johnson expelled the young men from the church. After he calmed down, he rented some anime DVDs to understand what evil had corrupted the young men; then he marched to the Anime International Company (AIC) head office-- all studios had sinned in his eyes-- and demanded that the animators cease production on all unreleased anime, and destroy all copies of released anime; the AIC President told him, "Go to hell." He marched to City Hall; the Mayor gave a long and boring lecture on the social services his office provided-- services paid for by the tax revenue the studios provided. He marched to the USN base HQ, and demanded that MPs be dispatched to arrest the corruptors; the garrison commander said the military couldn't interfere with this matter, and Msgr. Johnson shouldn't because of the separation of church and state.
Msgr. Johnson called the Vatican, protesting that Toons were soulless beings created by animators to corrupt human souls, like demons summoned by necromancers; he presented 40 H-anime DVDs-- filled with scenes that made him want to tear out his eyes-- to support his claims. Pope John Paul II sent a cardinal, 16 bishops, and 40 priests-- theologians, philosophers, and exorcists-- to discuss this matter with the Animegamigu City Council. The anime studios didn't want the resulting controversy to affect the lucrative sales of licensed anime to the US, and sent Belldandy, a goddess who granted a lonely young man's wish to be with him forever in 'Oh My Goddess!', to represent them.
Belldandy became a loving mother to the Council and the Church officials; she served them tea and cake as her gentle, polite voice presented the studios' case like a parent comforting a lonely child. Msgr. Johnson's harsh, demanding voice spoke to the Council like a master rebuking a servant; this cost him everyone's support. The Church officials returned to Rome, blind to the studios' sins and deaf to the abbot's pleas.
When Usagi asked Msgr. Johnson to officiate a wedding, the abbot mistook her for one of the Aphrodite 6 and vented his frustration by accusing her of harlotry. The accusation infuriated the Toon, who hijacked the Devil Gundam in an incident that still lived in infamy. Msgr. Johnson was blamed for the incident and ordered to apologize to Usagi.
The abbot hid his anger at the order; he knew it was suicidal to provoke a mecha pilot, and suicide was a sin. Usagi forgave Msgr. Johnson, and both tried to forget the spark that started a fire, devastating H-Ville.
"Bless me, Father, for I have sinned."
"Speak, Child. What is thy sin?" Msgr. Johnson asked.
"I abused my magic powers to heal a criminal..."
"That is not a sin. Jesus said, 'Love thy enemies...'"
"... so we could continue torturing him."
Silence. Then... "What?!"
"He had mechanical tentacles tipped with instruments of torture, and he tortured women for money! He was going to violate An-- my friend! We dismembered him so he'll never hurt another woman again, then we tore the flesh off his bones as punishment! Then we remembered we were supposed to interrogate him so he'd ID his accomplices, so I healed him so we could burn him to ashes! Then I healed him again so we could freeze his skin, which cracked into little chips and fell off his body! Then I healed him again so Ju-- so our lightning could burn out every nerve in his body! Then I healed him again..."
"Ten 'Hail Mary's! Pray and you'll be forgiven!"
"Just like that?"
"You said this man..."
"He's not a man, he's a cyborg, which means he's half-machine, and he used his machine parts to torture women, before we..."
"This cyborg is a evil. 'You must purge the evil from among you... Show no pity: life for life, eye for eye, tooth for tooth, hand for hand, foot for foot.'" Msgr. Johnson quoted Deuteronomy 19:19 and 19:21 instead of shouting, 'Get the hell out of my Church, you freak!'
Silence. Then... "Thank you, Father." Usagi exited the confession booth, relieved of her emotional burden. 'Yeah, Dr Psycho deserved to be shredded, incinerated, frozen, electrocuted, shot to hell, and shredded again...'
Msgr. Johnson raised a bottle of grape wine-- the communion wine-- to his lips, drank, and returned the bottle to his side. 'I need a vacation.' He heard someone enter the confessional booth. "Yes, Child?"
"Allahu akhbar!" Bang, bang!
Usagi dived behind a pillar, seeking cover from small arms fire. She used her compact mirror to look around the pillar, remembering the tactical skills Mireille Bouquet-- an assassin-for-hire from 'Noir'-- taught her.
"Ahhhh!" "Heeeelp!" Churchgoers ran towards the door. A bearded man stepped away from the confession booth, aiming a Makarov at the running people.
"Moon Eternal Power, Makeup!" she shouted, drawing the man's attention. The terrorist fired six bullets, which bounced harmlessly off Usagi's force field. Sailor Moon finished transforming in time to see him reload. "Moon Tiara Action!"
The terrorist saw the tiara fly towards him, and ducked; the tiara turned like a boomerang to hit the back of his right shoulder. "Argh!" The pistol fell from his hands. "Filthy infidel whore!" He drew a machete to behead Sailor Moon. "I will...!" Sailor Moon's expression changed from righteous anger to berserker rage. 'Why am I afraid? She's nothing but a...'
Once upon a time, Usagi was a pacifist who believed love could overcome all barriers between human hearts; the accusation would've made her cry. Usagi was no longer a pacifist; she learned love couldn't overcome an H-anime predator's aggression, and only a show of force-- violence to change a predator's hatred of women into paralyzing fear-- could protect her. "How dare you...? Moon Laser Target Designator!" She aimed her scepter at the terrorist. An IR beam shined from the crystal crowning the scepter; the beam guided an AGM-114K Hellfire antitank missile through a stained-glass window.
Msgr. Johnson felt like he was sunbathing, resting in the light's gentle embrace. His eyes opened...
"Are you okay, Father?" Usagi asked.
Msgr. Johnson felt the floor he lied on. He saw bullet holes on the center of his coat, but saw no blood and felt no pain. "Speak, Child. What happened?"
"A terrorist shot you, scaring off the other churchgoers. I defeated the terrorist, used my magic to heal you, and called the police, who should be here soon."
"Thank you..." Msgr. Johnson smelled explosives-- a scent that filled the air during the 1990s, when he tried to save souls in Africa-- and sat upright. "What the hell happened?!" he demanded, staring at the crater in the center of the church.
"Well..." Usagi lowered her head in shame. "I designated a target for my Valkyrie, which launched a missile to blow up the terrorist."
"Why the hell did you launch a missile into my church?!"
"He was a terrorist! I took an eye for an eye! I'm sorry for the property damage, but justice has a price!" Usagi protested, quoting Mireille.
Msgr. Johnson groaned. "The devil can cite Scripture for his purpose," he muttered.
Starscream, Skywarp, and Thundercracker sat around a TIE Advanced x1 fighter, playing poker with Vader, whose life-sized cards hovered in front of him. "Royal flush." The Decepticon's stainless steel cards had the King, Queen, Jack, and Ten of Hearts enameled on their faces.
"Shock!" Skywarp and Thundercracker threw down their hands, sounding like two cluster bombs dispensing submunitions as the cards hit the hangar floor. "How did you do that?!" "He cheated, of course!"
"Starscream didn't cheat," Vader stated. "I would've sensed it."
The Decepticon smiled. "Thanks for the vote of confidence. Now..." He reached for the coins in front of the TIE x1.
"Halt." The cards turned like weathervanes in the wind to reveal Vader's hand: the King, Queen, Jack, and Ten of Spades.
Starscream raised a skeptical eyebrow. "Fine, I'll chop it." He counted the quarters, dimes, nickels, and pennies, and handed half to Vader.
"How the shock did you do that?!" Thundercracker demanded.
"Through the Force," Vader answered.
Starscream gathered the cards and placed them in an automatic shuffling machine, which randomized the cards to prevent cheating; then he placed the machine his subspace storage compartment. "Shockwave taught me some tricks." The Decepticon learned algorithms to accurately predict each card's position, but Vader was a challenge because his Force sense let him do the same. "When are you gonna sell that antique,"-- he pointed at the TIE-- "and buy something new?"
Vader swept the coins into an old ammo box. "Explain."
"The TIE Advanced x1 was advanced in 1977; now it's obsolete in a world of mecha, and helpless against transforming mecha like myself," Starscream explained.
"The game is over; it's too late for your psychological attack to give you an advantage," Vader deadpanned.
Starscream frowned. "I'm serious. According to my calculations, you only have a 22.3% chance against the new Megatron."
"And Megatron only has a 40.1% chance against an X-47 squadron," 12 to 16 unmanned combat aerial vehicles (UCAVs), "whose total cost is comparable to a lone F/A-22." Ironically, Vader-- who identified himself as a man-- believed remote controlled UCAVs would replace manned fighters, while Starscream-- a robot who considered himself superior to all humans-- believed manned fighters still had a major role in future wars.
"But..." Beep, beep! "Excuse me." A monitor extended from the Decepticon's forearm. "Col Starscream, US Air Force." He listened for a moment. "It's for you." He extended his arm to let Vader see the monitor.
Vader recognized the US military liaison to the Animegamigu City Council. "State your business, Lieutenant." The Sith Lord tolerated Jones' flattery, his effort to have a minor role in the next 'Star Wars' movie, but this often distracted him from work.
"A terrorist attacked the Church of Holy Light, where Sailor Moon blew him to pieces, believe it or not," Jones stated.
"Sailor Moon blew a terrorist to pieces? I thought Unicron was the only one who can deep throat someone like that," Thundercracker joked, referring to the giant Transformer that devoured a planet in 'Transformers: the Movie'.
"She designated a target for a VF-1 Valkyrie, which launched a Hellfire missile," Jones stated.
"You need something like that," Starscream whispered to Vader.
"The police would like you to examine the body-- the pieces, anyways-- for clues," Jones finished.
"Very well." Vader faced his robot friends. "Let's get to work."
Dorothy Catalonia, a warmonger in 'Gundam Wing', had organized Gundam battles to enjoy the sights and sounds of death and destruction. Her heart beat faster as she watched three F-15C fighters-- the disguised Decepticons-- escort Vader's shuttle and two Sentinels into Earth's atmosphere. "We can kill him now."
"No," the businessman said. "Our allies prematurely exposed their hands; the Americans will be ready."
"They'll also be afraid; the martyr's sacrifice,"-- cruel sarcasm filled the words-- "might be to our advantage."
"No," the man repeated. "All actors must be in place before the play begins."
Dorothy pouted. "That's too boring."
Vader marched into the coroner's office, escorted by a stormtrooper platoon. "Show me the body." The coroner ran like a frightened kitten, crashed into the door, opened it, and ran to the morgue; Vader followed him.
Saitou turned to the door. "Gen Vader." His fingers closed around his scabbard, ready to draw his katana, as he bowed.
Rei-- wearing a miko's (priestess') white haori (coat) and red hakama (skirt)-- painted a red pentagram on the floor. She knelt in front of a cold chamber, where the terrorist's remains were stored at -15 degrees Celsius; the red lines shined like stars in a constellation as she chanted.
"What is the meaning of this?" Vader demanded.
"Hino-kun is calling the terrorist's spirit so he may answer our questions," Saitou answered.
Blue flames erupted from the pentagram, shifting until they formed a human face. "I'm not a terrorist!" The flames formed a right hand, now pointed at Saitou. "You slant-eyed swine! You support the American occupation of a Muslim nation! You're the terrorist!" The spirit reached for Rei's throat. "You whore!" Crack! "Argh!" He couldn't reach through the pentagram's borders.
Rei's brush, the bristles red with cinnabar, slashed the spirit's hand. "I'm not a whore!" Cinnabar had magical properties; the pen cut like a sword.
The severed fingers fell onto the pentagram, where they dissipated like smoke. "Ah!" The spirit's eyes burned with hatred; he formed a left hand to cradle his right. "You..." He saw Vader. "Ahhhh! The Steel Skull!"
Vader recognized the terrorist. "You're one of the Palestinian Independence and Salvation Soldiers," one of Saddam Hussein's allies. "I killed a thousand of your comrades during OIF," Operation Iraqi Freedom, "yet you continue to resist..."
"And we'll continue to resist until the Zionists and their American allies are dead!"
Saitou recorded the words, froze in confusion, and stared at his notepad. "You're a member of... PISS?" he asked the spirit.
"The terrorists have little understanding of English, which they use to justify their actions to Hollywood liberals. They're largely illiterate," Vader explained.
"I'm not illiterate!" the spirit protested.
"Who brought you to Japan?" Saitou added.
"Allah's messengers." He watched the police captain dip a pencil in cinnabar. "Ahhhh!" The spirit held his hand over the eye Saitou pierced.
"Your face and accent marks you as an outsider, yet you arrived in Japan without attracting police attention. You must have an ally here, someone with a means of transportation... a vessel or an aircraft. Who is your ally?"
"Allahu akhbar!" God is Great. Zap, crackle, crackle! "Ahhhh!"
Force lightning flowed up and down Vader's fingers. "Do you have anything further to say?"
"Allah will rain holy fire upon you and your country, purifying...!" The Force lightning rushed towards the spirit, exorcising it. "Ahhhh!" The blue flame was extinguished; the pentagram darkened, hidden under Rei's shadow.
The Sith Lord turned to the coroner. "I wish to speak with the one who brought justice to the terrorist." The man led Vader, Saitou, and Rei to Anna's office, where Usagi ranted about the terrorist-turned-mincemeat.
Anna-- wearing body armor-- rose from her chair. "Good morning, Sir."
"Wow, Darth Vader, I'm Aino Minako, I'm a big fan of 'Star Wars', I even like 'The Phantom Menace', you look so cute as a little boy, can I have your autograph, please, please, please?" Minako held a pen and her autograph book in front of the Sith Lord.
"Not now." Vader leaned over the blonde. "But I'd be honored if you'd join me for dinner tonight."
Saitou overheard the soft words. 'So he's still a man.'
The Sith Lord walked past the blushing Sailor Senshi. "You witnessed the terrorist attack on the Church of Holy Light, correct?"
"Yes, Sir," Usagi answered.
"You also launched an antitank missile at the terrorist, correct?"
"Yes, and he deserved it! How dare he call me a whore?!"
Anna, Ami, Minako, Rei, and Makoto rose to comfort their friend. "Don't be angry, Usagi-chan." "We know you're not a whore."
Vader waited for Usagi to calm down. "Please give me your account of what happened at the church this morning." When she was done, the Sith Lord said, "Thank you," and marched to the door. "Here's my phone number." He handed a business card to Minako. "I'll send a shuttle to pick you up. Be ready by 1700 hr, okay?"
Minako blushed. "Okay."
Anna waited for Vader and Saitou to leave; then she turned to Minako. "Did Gen Vader just invite you to dinner?"
"You know he's evil, right?" Rei reminded. "He's the bad guy who keeps kicking your butt when you play 'Star Wars' video games."
"He's with the US Air Force now. That means he's one of the good guys,"-- Minako turned to Anna-- "right?"
"That depends on your definition of good and evil," Anna answered. "Otto," her brother, who served in the USAF before joining DARPA, "says Hollywood liberals still call American soldiers and servicemen 'baby-killers' who deserve to burn in hell."
Usagi turned to Anna. "But you're not a baby-killer. You don't deserve to burn in hell."
Anna smiled. "Thanks."
"Silky Doll. 1500 hr. Come alone," was printed on a business card, under "Arbco Industries," a Cobra front.
Andrew's trench coat usually made him look like a film noir detective-- his favorite movie was 'The Maltese Falcon', starring the late Humphrey Bogart as Sam Spade, PI-- but in the lingerie store, the coat made him look like an old lecher. 'I'm gonna kill Storm Shadow," a ninja in Cobra Commander's service, "for making me meet him here.' He glanced at his watch. Click! An assassin's pistol, equipped with a sound-suppressor, pressed against the back of his neck.
"Detective Mays, I presume?" a seductive voice asked. "Keep your hands down, or you'll be dead before your mallet strikes the floor."
"Baroness? What are you doing here?"
The beautiful spy smiled. "I like shopping here. The store is a garden of silk flowers, full of beauty."
Andrew knew the reason-- the only reason-- Cobra would be interested in the Silky Doll. "Sylia," Sylia Stingray, the Knight Sabers' leader, who operated the store as a front, "will never agree to work for you."
"We'll see. By the way, I have a gift from Cobra Commander." She slipped an envelope into his pants pocket.
"Hey!" Andrew turned around; the Baroness had disappeared. "Damn." He opened the envelope and found a list inside. "What the hell?"
The Chief raised a finger. "So we have terrorists who want to nuke Japan because we're supporting the War on Terror,"-- he raised a second finger-- "a Japanese individual, or group of individuals, who aids the terrorists for God knows what..."
"The individual may be an American," Saitou noted. "An ambitious Navy or Marine Corps officer who plans to conquer Japan, building a new nation upon our ashes..."
"Ah-choo!" 'What the...?' "Scan for viruses," Starscream ordered his integral processor.
"Are you okay?" Skywarp asked.
"I will be once I detect and delete the cause of the sneeze."
"You're sneezing because someone is talking about you," Thundercracker said, referring to a Japanese superstition.
Starscream angrily faced Thundercracker. "Don't make me laugh! We Decepticons believe in scientific facts and deus ex machina, not old wives' tales!"
Thundercracker would blush if he could. "Yes, Sir. Sorry, Sir." He continued hovering above the Police HQ, guarding it.
"Or a Hollywood liberal with a bleeding heart and a hollow head," Saitou finished.
The Chief raised a third finger. "And Vader, who'll nuke Japan to exterminate the terrorists. Am I missing anything?" Saitou and Andrew faced each other, seeing only confusion in the other man's eyes. "I see." He turned to Saitou. "Did the terrorist say something other than propaganda? Something with clues?"
"No. He had respectable courage... for a terrorist."
The Chief turned to Andrew. "Do your informants in Cobra have anything to report?"
Andrew placed the list on the Chief's desk. "It's supposedly a list of Muslim extremist groups operating in Anigu, but I think Cobra Commander's pulling my leg. How can any group of people, even religious fanatics, be ignorant enough call themselves, 'SLUT'?"
"You're certain they're not aiding these terrorists?" Saitou challenged.
"Cobra Commander and his cronies are capitalists, not fanatics. They won't fight until they're certain of the rewards, preferably a big bag of money," Andrew explained.
The Chief sighed. "Now what?"
"Now we wait," Saitou calmly said.
> 05 <
Vader looked into the mirror; a Sith Lord wearing a red bowtie around his gorget, a pink carnation taped to his breastplate, looked back. "I'm too sexy for my armor."
"I'm sexier," Starscream claimed. "Are you sure you don't need a Decepticon escort?"
"I sense no danger in dating Lady Minako."
Starscream shrugged. "Well,"-- he turned to the hangar-- "I'm gonna speak with Davie," who was also a 'Transformers' fan, "about the terrorist threat. Is there anything you want from the NAS?" Naval Air Station Animegamigu.
"Only that they do not disturb me tonight."
Starscream smirked, knowing what the playboy planned to do. "Wilco."
Anna's left hand gripped Ouka's scabbard. "You're asking me to abuse Minako's trust."
Saitou held a red rose before the policewoman. "No, I'm asking you to gather the information we need to avert a tragedy and save a million lives."
"By making Minako an unwitting spy? She's my friend, not a soulless tool for you to use."
Saitou hid his anger. He needed Anna to place the rose-- which hid a camera and a microphone-- on Minako's body because he couldn't trust the other Sailor Senshi. "If Aino knows the rose's secrets, Vader will sense her secrecy and destroy the instruments inside."
"He might destroy her too."
"He might destroy Anigu if we don't get the information we need." The silence between them was the calm before a storm; Saitou waited for Anna's answer like a soldier in a foxhole, preparing for an attack.
"Fine," Anna finally answered. She took the rose, gripping the stem like a viper's neck as she entered Minako's condominium.
The Sailor Senshi stood around a vanity, where Minako held a lipstick in each hand.
"Mokkoriiii!" Ryo pounced on the monitor to rub his groin against the Sailor Senshi's image. Wham! Andrew's mallet knocked him off the monitor and onto the floor. "What a ride," he whispered before falling unconscious.
"What do you think he'll like, a lighter color,"-- Minako raised a magenta lipstick-- "so I'll look cute, or a darker color,"-- she raised a burgundy lipstick-- "so I'll look mature?"
"How about something... balanced." Anna picked a red lipstick-- the shade of the rose-- off the vanity table.
"Are you sure? I mean I have to look special, I'm dating a movie star, okay, it was really James Earl Jones and David Prowse in the movies, and Sebastian Shaw in the scene where Luke Skywalker, who's really cute too, takes off his mask so Vader can see his son with his own eyes, so I'm really dating a video game star, and..."
"Yes. Besides,"-- Anna pointed at the alarm clock on the vanity-- "the shuttle will arrive soon."
"But I supposed to take my time getting dressed and putting on makeup, making him think about me while he waits, so my appearance will awe him like an angel descending from heaven!" Minako protested, referring to a girls' dating rule.
"Vader is a military officer; he expects people to wait for him, not the other way around. If you make him wait, he'll leave you behind."
Minako sighed. "Alright." She put on the rose-red lipstick.
Knock, knock! "I'll get that." Makoto answered the door; she came back one minute later. "Mina-chan, there are a dozen stormtroopers at the door, waiting to escort you to their shuttle."
Minako stared at the clock. "Wow, they're early." She rose from her chair. "Wish me luck!"
"Here." Anna pinned the rose to Minako's dress. "This should help," she said, trying to stay calm.
"Thanks." Minako noticed the policewoman's nervousness as they walked to the door; Anna's left thumb pushed against Ouka's tsuba (guard), ready to free the blade from its scabbard. "Don't worry! I can defend myself-- I'll be fine!" She smiled to assure her friend.
'I hope so,' Anna didn't say as the stormtroopers followed Minako into an Imperial shuttle.
Andrew stared the monitor, watching Vader greet Minako as she exited the shuttle. "Why didn't he go himself?"
"He knows he's targeted for assassination. He won't take that risk for something as trivial as sex," Saitou stated.
"A real man knows sex is not trivial-- it's as important as oxygen!" Ryo protested.
Hakubi Washu, a mad scientist from 'Tenchi Muyo!', examined the Executor's hangar. "This is fascinating, fascinating! I'm inspired to construct a new type of battleship!"
The Chief leaned over Ryo's shoulder. "What is she doing here?" he whispered.
"She's personally monitoring the feed from the bugs. It was one of her conditions for making them," Ryo answered.
The scene changed to a turbolift's interior, and then to the officers' mess. Minako sat before a metal bench, where a RA-7 servant/spy droid handed her a menu.
Andrew tried to read the selection. "They serve French food?"
"And Italian, and German, and Chinese... Ah, sushi. I see they appreciate the art of Japanese cuisine," Saitou stated.
"How can he afford all of this?"
"He personally negotiated his contract with Lucasarts, and earns a percentage of the gross profits from all 'Star Wars' media he appears in, with the exception of live-action performances such as Episode III," Saitou answered.
"Thanks." Minako returned the menu and turned to the basket of bread rolls in front of her. She reached for a roll and a butter knife, but noticed her date wasn't eating. "Aren't you hungry?"
"He cannot take off his respirator mask to eat like an average man," Saitou answered. "The armor's integral systems process energy rations for him."
Minako put down the roll. "Oh, I'm sorry, that's so sad, I should just..."
Vader raised his hand. "Don't be." He used the Force to levitate the roll and the knife, which dipped into a tub of butter. "Enjoy your meal." The knife spread butter onto the roll, which landed in Minako's hand.
Washu's fingers danced on her holographic keyboard to adjust the psychic energy sensor in the rose, which failed to detect the Force Vader just used. "Damn! If I had more time to prepare..."
The Sailor Senshi blushed. "Thanks." She ate the roll. "So tell me about yourself, I know you're not James Earl Jones or David Prowse, which means you're not the same Vader who showed up in the movies, I'd like to know why you joined the US Air Force, I hear a lot of good things about how they're supporting the War on Terror, but Anna-chan, actually her brother, says some people call American soldiers baby killers, okay, you're an airman," a USAF serviceman, "but you can't be all bad, I mean Anna worked with you guys, okay, she was in the US Army Reserves, and she couldn't complete basic training because she couldn't use a rifle, poor girl, she's struggled all her life, like Hikaru-chan," Tomoe Hikaru, alias Sailor Saturn, whose schoolmates branded her a "freak" because of her supernatural power to heal other people's wounds, "but she's a good girl, Anna's a good person, and I think you're a good person too, am I right?"
Vader's mask hid his smile. "You're right. I was rendered in 1993 to be a boss in the 'Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back' Nintendo game, although I can claim a birth date of 1976, the year the 'Star Wars' novel was published. I joined the US Air Force in 1999, so I could promote the American ideals of truth and justice."
"Ha!" Saitou derisively laughed.
"I served as a member of KFOR," Kosovo Force, a peacekeeping force led by the North Atlantic Treaty Organization (NATO), which supported the United Nations Mission in Kosovo (UNMIK), "the same year."
"He was kicked out of KFOR because he kidnapped 20 Serbian police and military personnel, presented them to the KLA," Kosovo Liberation Army, "as war criminals, and let the Albanians murder the Serbs and mutilate their bodies," Saitou stated.
"I was deployed in support of Operation Enduring Freedom in 2001..."
"Each deployment lasted only one month. In 2001, his stormtroopers defeated a terrorist cell that was operating out of a village; then he had 50 men publicly tortured and executed, including a 13-year-old boy," Saitou added. "He claims the men were terrorists, but..."
"... in support of Operation Iraqi Freedom in 2003 and early this year," Vader continued.
"In 2003, he was accused of torturing and killing 200 EPWs," enemy prisoners of war, "although the charges were quickly dropped. This April, he learned al-Mahdi Army," a militia loyal to radical Shiite cleric Muqtada al-Sadr, "was using mosques to shelter militants and store weapons," in violation of the Geneva Convention. "His superiors ordered him not to attack or assault the mosques. Vader circumvented the orders by bombing the surrounding streets and alleyways into molten lava, making three mosques sink into the lava; an estimated 150 to 200 people died in the attacks."
"Why wasn't he kicked out of the Air Force?" the Chief wondered.
"He probably blew on Clinton and Bush's lightsabers," Ryo guessed.
"Put your gun to your head." Saitou tapped his right temple.
Ryo drew his Colt Python and put the muzzle to his own temple. "Gasp!"
"Vader's telepathy is a magnitude more powerful than my hypnotism. Please respect that power."
Ryo slowly holstered his revolver. "O-okay."
"I didn't know you can hypnotize people," Andrew said.
"It isn't a power given to me, neither is it forbidden to me. After the Kyoto arc," 'Rurouni Kenshin' season two, "I learned hypnotism as a means of gathering information, but its usefulness is limited," Saitou stated.
'Note: Toons can learn new skills as long as these skills aren't forbidden to them,' Andrew reminded himself.
"I'll be 35 in 2011, and eligible to be a presidential candidate. I'll run in the 2012 elections, so the ideals of truth and justice can reach every corner of the world."
Washu and Saitou faced Andrew, expressing uncharacteristic shock. "Is he joking?" "I shudder to imagine him in command of America's nuclear arsenal." "You're American-- you know he cannot run for president, right?"
Andrew looked into each Toon's eyes. "I wish I knew."
Washu and Saitou faced each other. "Damn." "I need to build a fallout shelter." "A BDZ is meant to defeat such measures. I advise you to buy a very fast space vehicle... something like the Kamidake II," a Galaxy Police (GP) cruiser she designed.
"I wonder if he's hiring?" Ryo frowned when everyone stared at him like a two-headed lizard at the zoo. "What?"
"Are you crazy?!" Andrew exclaimed.
"No, just acknowledging the fact that a bounty hunter can make more money doing one job for Vader than a police detective, even a dirty one," one who took bribes, "can make in an entire year."
Andrew sighed. 'He's right,' he didn't want to say.
One hour later...
Minako licked her lips, tasting apple, cinnamon, and vanilla ice cream. "This apple pie is delicious!" She turned to Vader. "How's your dessert?" She put her hands over her mouth. "Oh, I'm sorry, I forgot...!"
The Sith Lord raised a hand. "Don't be. I'm grateful that my eyes can feast on your beauty, that my heart can feel your kindness, as warm and welcome as the rising sun," one of many praises he gave her during dinner.
Ryo frowned at the words. "What's the point in winning Venus' heart with such cheesy lines? His genitals got seared off when he fell into that molten pit," after Vader's duel with Obi-Wan Kenobi, his master, as described in the 'Star Wars' novels.
"He bribed a modeler $100,000 to add a 33-centimeter-long penis to his 3D model, behind his codpiece," Saitou stated.
"$100,000?" Ryo whistled at the numbers, fantasizing about what he'd do with the money.
Beep, beep! Washu glanced at the monitor; the psychic energy Vader directed at Minako finally rose to a level the mad scientist's sensor could detect. "It seems the Force can be used to sexually stimulate a person."
"You mean Vader is using the Force to,"-- Andrew raised a skeptical eyebrow-- "seduce Venus?"
The mad scientist maniacally laughed. "This is fascinating, fascinating! I'm inspired to conduct experiments on Ryoko," her daughter, "and replicate the effects!"
The men stared at Washu like an eight-headed serpent at the zoo. "Uh-huh," they simultaneously muttered.
Minako jumped onto the table and crawled towards her date, a leopardess stalking her prey. "Make love with me," she pleaded, deep under Vader's influence.
Vader's mask hid his smile. "As you wish." He held out his hand...
Beep, beep! A hologram of Starscream's head was projected on the table, between Vader and Minako. "Broken arrow!" which meant an American unit was in danger of being overrun, and asked all available aircraft to provide close air support (CAS). "Broken...!" The Decepticon turned his head to see, and let Vader see, a giant metal fist hammer Thundercracker into the ground; then static covered the hologram like a tidal wave capsizing a fishing boat.
Vader spread his arms and raised his head, a dragon spreading his wings. "Roarrrr!" He telepathically broadcast his rage, shocking the Executor's crew to full alert. 'I was so close!'
Minako shook her head, waking from her Force-influenced ecstasy. "Are you okay, Vader-kun?"
The Sith Lord controlled his anger. "I'm sorry, Milady, but an urgent matter has forced my attention. Will you kindly wait for me?"
"How long will you be gone?" Minako asked with shining eyes, a princess about to send her knight off to war.
"Do not fear, I'll finish this in an hour."
"What if there's more than one mecha, I mean that looked like an Eva's," Evangelion's, "hand, what if you're fighting the nine mass production Evas from the movies, which are really scary with their crocodile heads and vulture wings, I mean they can return from the dead, more powerful than ever, like Sephiroth," the villain of 'Final Fantasy VII', "to...?"
"Then I'll finish this in two hours." Vader faced the RA-7. "Take Lady Minako to the XBox. Keep her entertained until I return."
The droid bowed. "Yes, Milord."
Beep, beep! A red light on the secure telecom flashed, an alarm the Chief couldn't ignore. He raised the handset to his ear. "This is the Animegamigu Police Chief... What?!" The Chief listened to the report. "Alert the SVUs," Special Vehicle Units. "Deploy the patlabors," patrol labors, mecha designed for police use, "to defend the city and support first responders," police, firefighting, and medical personnel. "I know we're outgunned, but we have no choice!" He put down the handset and faced his men. "Eva Unit One is attacking the NAS."
"What?!" Andrew exclaimed. "Does Anno Hideaki," director of 'Evangelion', "really think starting World War 3 will help his career?" Ryo wondered. "He's a suspected member of Aum Shinrikyo," Saitou stated, referring to the cult that released nerve gas in 1994 and 1995-- terror attacks that killed 19 people and affected thousands more. "No kidding?"
Washu sighed, knowing this emergency would interfere with her study of Vader and the Force. "What a bother."
"Follow me, please." The RA-7 led Minako out of the officers' mess, to Vader's room. It led her past the meditation chamber, to a stainless steel "X" on a wall. "The XBox, Milady." The "X" split open to reveal a room filled with light.
"Whoa." Minako slowly entered the room, a pilgrim entering a holy shrine.
In 'The End of Evangelion', Ikari Gendo achieved Instrumentality and joined the rest of the cast to evolve into a perfect, single being; this achievement was taken away when he was resurrected to appear in the 'Girlfriend of Steel 2' video game. 'I will drive the human race to the next stage of evolution,' a goal for which he'd to destroy the world. He thumbed the controller that, through the 'Evangelion' Nintendo 64 game, let him control Evangelion Unit 01. The mecha, a clone of a 40-meter-tall monster, aimed its pellet rifle at the control tower. Crack! A bunker buster bomb struck below the Absolute Terror (AT) field protecting the Eva. "Argh!" Gendo cried when the bomb detonated, vaporizing the ground beneath Unit 01's feet.
"Die, die, die!" Starscream circled the fallen Eva, raining laser beams and missiles on it; he didn't notice Units 05 to 13, the mass production Evas, land on the runway. Unit 06 swung its great sword like a baseball bat. "Ahhhh!" The blow threw Starscream against a hangar wall, cracking reinforced concrete designed to survive direct hits from bunker busters.
"Shriek!" "Hiss!" Units 05 to 13 licked their lips as US Navy personnel ran in terror.
"Attack!" Gendo watched Units 05 to 13 race towards the hangars, hungering for human flesh. The Evas raised their swords to slash... Boom, boom, boom! Units 05 to 13 shrieked in pain as proton bombs rained on them, scorching their armor. "What?!" Gendo pressed a button, increasing the power of Unit 01's AT field above the level a mass production Eva could generate.
Vader's TIE x1 led bombers, escorted by interceptors, over the enraged Evas. "Shriek!" Units 05 to 13 slashed at the TIEs.
"How disappointing," Vader deadpanned as the TIEs maneuvered to dodge the attacks. He must set the proton bombs to minimum yield to avoid destroying what they came to save, but bombers armed with minimum yield bombs must continuously attack the mass production Evas' AT fields for two hours to collapse them; Units 05 to 13 needed ten minutes to destroy the NAS. "Decepticon Flight, this is Vader One. Status report, over."
"Vader One... this is Starscream," the Decepticon said with difficulty. "I'm 59.4% functional. Energon level, 62.7%."
"Vader One, this is Skywarp. I'm 84.6% functional, but my energon level is 17.0%." He repeatedly teleported to dodge the Evas' attacks.
"Buzz..." Thundercracker was too heavily damaged to transmit.
"Subsonic failed again, yes?" a voice radioed on another frequency. "He won't know Victory until he can pay her price. Can you?"
"$100,000 to you and each Combaticon, plus expenses," Vader answered.
"A reasonable price," the voice agreed. "We'll be there in 30 seconds. Thunderbolt One out."
"Decepticon Flight, this is Vader One. Reinforcements are on their way. Take cover and await their arrival."
"Roger." "Buzz..." Skywarp and Thundercracker replied.
"Ha!" Starscream derisively laughed. "I don't need... Argh!" he cried when sparks shot from his damaged circuits.
SVU-2, infamous for causing more property damage than the criminals in 'Patlabor', fitted "flak jackets"-- reactive armor panels-- onto its patlabors before their deployment. Three heavy equipment transporters (HETs) blocked the roads to the NAS. Officers Izumi Noa and Ota Isao each piloted an AV-98 Ingram, and Lt Kanuka Clancy piloted an AV-0 Peacemaker, which rose from the HETs, onto their feet.
Captain Goto Kiichi, SVU-2 Chief, hoped to prevent civilian casualties. The sounds of death and destruction threatened to crush his hopes as he exited the command car. "I wish we had a Gundam."
Ratchet! An AV-98's left arm shot up, loading a slug into the 180 mm riot cannon in its hand; the patlabor spun the riot cannon like a baton to close its left hand around the handgrip. "Roarrrr!" Ota, famous for his marksmanship and infamous for his trigger-happy attitude, drew a 75 mm revolver cannon from the "holster" above the AV-98's right ankle.
Goto watched the patlabor shake with excitement; Ota was eager for battle. "On second thought..."
"Police robots, this is Luftwaffe," German Air Force, "Flight 1940, call sign Thunderbolt One," the voice radioed on a US military frequency. "We're coming to NAS Animegamigu's defense."
'What the hell is the German military doing here?' Goto answered, "Roger," on the same frequency.
"Chief, unidentified aircraft are approaching my position!" Noa, whose love of robots matched her piloting skill, radioed. Alphonse, her beloved AV-98, aimed a revolver cannon at the sky as five WW2 German warplanes-- two Messerschmitt Me-263 rocket fighters, an Arado Ar-234C Blitz (Lightning) jet bomber, a Me-262C-1a Schwalbe (Swallow) rocket-assisted jet fighter, and a Focke-Wulf Ta-152H fighter-- flew overhead.
Goto quickly radioed, "Weapons tight, I say again, weapons tight! Do not shoot at the approaching aircraft!" to the patlabors.
"Roger," Noa and Kanuka replied.
"Tanks!" Ota's riot cannon targeted a WW2 Königstiger heavy tank; his revolver cannon targeted a WW2 Flakpanzer IV Wirbelwind (Whirlwind) air defense vehicle.
"Police robots, this is German Army Unit 1940... Roarrrr!" Oberleutnant (O2) Brawl-- a robot disguised as the Königstiger (King Tiger)-- radioed when the 180 mm slug bounced harmlessly off his armor. He and OLt Swindle-- a robot disguised as the Flakpanzer-- transformed to jump over the HET. "Burn!" Brawl's laser rifle shot the attacking patlabor, setting it on fire.
"Argh!" Ota unfastened his restraints to escape from the burning AV-98. Crunch! Brawl crushed the patlabor under his feet; then he transformed and raced towards the NAS. "You bastard!" The Toon ignored the flames on his uniform, drawing his Colt Python to shoot the departing tank. Splat! Swindle crushed Ota under his feet; then he transformed and followed the Königstiger into the NAS.
"Ota-san!" Alphonse ran to the Toon pancake's side, ignoring the disguised robots.
The AV-0's pistol, a 90 mm automatic cannon, targeted the Flakpanzer. "Should I return fire?" Kanuka radioed.
Goto sighed. "No, Ota shot first. Next time, maybe he'll think first instead." 'I hope.'
"Shriek!" Units 05 to 13 unfolded their wings to pursue the TIEs climbing into the sky, towards the Executor.
"Ignore the fighters!" Unit 01's rifle targeted the control tower. "Destroy the base!" Gendo pressed the fire button to let DU pellets pierce the tower walls.
The flying mass production Evas dived towards the tower, vultures attacking a calf. Boom! Major (O4) Starscream-- a red Me-263 with silver thunderbolts painted on the wings-- and Hauptmann (O3) Skywarp-- a black Me-263 with a blue skull and crossed sabers painted behind the cockpit-- appeared before Units 07 and 13. The Me-263s transformed into robots, detached the leading edges of their wings-- power sabers-- and conducted psychokinetic energy through the swords to neutralize Units 07 and 13's AT fields.
Slash! Unit 07 felt Starscream's saber cut open his throat. "Gurgle!" The red robot launched two mini-missiles into the wound; the missiles detonated and beheaded the Eva, raining blood on the runway.
Gendo watched Skywarp use the same tactics to behead Unit 13. "Impossible!"
The red robot raised his sabers to salute his enemies. "I am Starscream, Master of the Terror Soaring Saber! Fight me if you seek an honorable death!" granted to his enemies in the 'Transformers Vs G.I. Joe: War of the Worlds' movie, set in 1940.
"Shriek!" The surviving mass production Evas flew away from the tower to attack the Me-263s; they didn't notice five other WW2 vehicles-- disguised Combaticons, members of the Decepticon Special Forces-- appearing behind them. The vehicles combined into a super warrior-- the Ar-234C formed the torso, the Me-262C-1a and Ta-152H formed the arms, the Königstiger and the Flakpanzer formed the legs-- whose name struck fear in Transformer spark cores: Bruticus.
The super warrior rocketed within hand-to-hand combat range of the mass production Evas, using his force field to neutralize their AT fields. Zap, bang, whoosh, boom, boom! His Superweapons fired at point-blank range, raining laser beams, 20 mm rounds, missiles, and 500 kg bombs on the Evas. Units 06, 08, and 09 flew away to avoid the radiation from Bruticus' force field. Me-263 Starscream and Skywarp, his apprentice, cut open Units 05, 10, 11, and 12's wings; the now flightless Evas shrieked in pain as Superweapon salvos dismembered, disemboweled, and decapitated them. "Bruticus burn you! Bruticus crush you! Roarrrr!"
The TIE x1 dived towards Unit 05, which shivered as it tried to regenerate lost limbs and organs. "Alpha strike!" Vader launched cluster missiles at the Eva's exposed super solenoid (S²) engine, killing it. The TIE bombers followed Vader's lead, attacking the mutilated Units 07, 10, 11, 12, and 13 before the Evas could regenerate their AT fields.
Gendo watched his plan fall apart in the face of the enemies' firepower. "No!" he exclaimed when the Superweapons fired salvos at Unit 01. The Eva turned to the sea and ran.
"Roarrrr!" The super warrior flew after Unit 01, gaining on the Eva.
"Evas!" Gendo called. Unit 06 slashed at Bruticus' knees, knocking him onto the ground; Units 08 and 09 dived towards the fallen super warrior; their swords transformed into copies of the legendary Lance of Longinus, which could pierce Bruticus' force field.
"Ha!" Me-263 Starscream intercepted Unit 09, which barely blocked his saber. His sword arm was like a machine gun, thrusting ten times per second to break the Eva's defenses.
Unit 09 felt the saber cut open its face, now stained by blood. "Shriek!" It slashed; the WW2 Decepticon was fast enough to block the attack, but not strong enough to avoid being thrown aside like a child's toy.
Bruticus watched Me-263 Skywarp intercept Unit 08 to save him. "Roarrrr!" His arm slammed against Unit 06's head, knocking it aside to expose the Eva's neck. Bruticus fired Superweapon-2 at point-blank range; one salvo beheaded Unit 06, another destroyed the S² engine. The super warrior rolled, threw the corpse off his back, and jumped to his feet. He targeted Units 08 and 09; the Evas dodged the salvos as they flew away.
"Do not let the terrorist escape!" Vader rocketed after Unit 01, determined to capture its pilot. Unit 09 threw its Lance at the TIE x1. "Roar!" Vader rolled to dodge the attack; the Lance flew past the TIE x1, destroying three bombers before it was embedded in the runway, a sword in the stone.
"Bruticus blast you to pieces!" He charged as Unit 09 dived to recover its Lance, violently thrust Superweapon-1 into its mouth, and destroyed the Eva from within. "Roarrrr!"
Me-263 Starscream and Skywarp rocketed after Unit 01, now 80 meters from the sea. "Intercept him!" Whoosh! They barely blocked Unit 08's sword, which threw them towards the runway. The WW2 Decepticons somersaulted to land on their feet; they watched another Superweapon salvo destroy the last mass production Eva. Splash! Unit 01 jumped into the sea.
"Shock!" Me-263 Skywarp cursed.
The TIE bombers dropped the remaining proton bombs into the sea, trying to stun Unit 01 and force it to surface, but the Eva's AT field protected it from the blasts. 'You will not escape my wrath,' Vader swore as Unit 01 swam away. 'I'll hunt you to the ends of the galaxy, and...'
"You!" F-15C Starscream rained laser beams on Me-263 Starscream, who calmly parried the shots. He ignored the pain from his damaged components as he rocketed into the sky, determined to tear off the imposter's head.
Me-263 Starscream smiled at a cut on F-15C Starscream's breastplate, made by Unit 06's sword edge. "Ha!" He dived under F-15C Starscream's arms to thrust his hand into the cut.
"Argh!" F-15C Starscream cried when Me-263 Starscream's hand closed around his spark core-- the Transformer heart-- to crush it. Me-263 Starscream smiled...
Vader stood to look out of the cockpit hatch. "Leave him alone," he ordered as the TIE x1 hovered in front of the two Starscreams.
Me-263 Starscream released F-15C Starscream's spark core, sparing him. "As you wish." He faced Vader. "Are you satisfied with our performance?"
"I'll make a judgment after I've examined the damages to the NAS. Meet me at the P-3 hangar in 30 minutes." Vader sat down, closed the hatch, and landed by the control tower.
Me-263 Starscream faced F-15C Starscream. "Goodbye, Subsonic," an insult to F-15C Starscream's intelligence. He and Me-263 Skywarp transformed to rocket away. Bruticus separated into the individual Combaticons, who followed the Me-263s into the sky.
F-15C Skywarp flew to F-15C Starscream's side. "Are you okay, Screamer?" Starscream's nickname.
F-15C Starscream put his hands over the exposed spark core. "No," he answered, his energon level too low to let him say another word.
"Let's get some fuel." Skywarp led Starscream to the fuel point.
Kanuka used a HET's air pump to inflate Ota; then she slam-dunked the trigger-happy Toon into the reserve patlabor.
"Please think before you shoot," Goto deadpanned. "It'll take a month's catch to pay for a new AV-98." SVU-2 used a high-speed police boat-- converted into a fishing vessel-- to catch goby, which they sun-dried, marinated in a special sauce prepared from fish organs, and sold online to supplement its budget.
Ota's mouth opened. "Wheeze!" His mouth closed, embarrassed to sound like a deflating basketball; then he shouted, "I could've kicked that Transformer's ass! I would've...!"
Goto closed the command car door to silence Ota's protests. "I need a beer."
> 06 <
F-15C Starscream's core radiated anger and hatred as Skywarp lowered him into the repair chamber. "I can't believe you hired that Mini-Con!" A F-15C's dimensions are 19.43 m, 13.05 m (wingspan), 5.63 m; a Me-263's are 7.83 m, 9.50 m (wingspan), 3.17 m.
"Should I have let the Evangelions dismantle your body and feast on your spark?" Vader asked.
The Sith Lord ignored Starscream's protest and marched to his room. 'I need love.' "Is Lady Minako well?" he asked the RA-7.
"Yes, Milord. She is playing 'Halo' in the XBox," the droid answered.
'Good girl.' The "X" split open. Vader marched into the armory, changed into his black MJOLNIR Mark V Mod 1 battle armor-- custom-built by the 'Halo' game programmers, who were 'Star Wars' fans-- and opened the game room door...
Wham! Minako butt stroked an elite who touched her breastplate. "Die, you H!" She fired her MA5B 7.62 mm assault rifle to punish the alien, spilling purple blood everywhere. "Die!" Minako didn't notice light warp behind her as an invisible enemy, a spec ops elite with active camouflage, aimed his plasma rifle at her.
Slash! Kenki was projected between the spec ops elite and Minako, disabling the alien's active camouflage without hurting him. "Roarrrr!" The alien turned around.
Kyo parried the plasma bolts raining on him. "Coward." The elite threw away the useless rifle to charge. Rat-at-at-at-at! Blue lights covered the alien's back as bullets struck his shield, disabling it. Kyo's left hand angrily closed around the elite's neck, breaking it to silence the alien's roar. "I don't need your help."
Minako pouted. "Don't be so uptight."
"Pause Menu," Vader ordered, freezing the battle to approach the Sailor Senshi.
Minako raised her visor. "Vader-kun!" She pounced on the Sith Lord to hug him. "I'm so glad you're okay! Did you get the bad guys? Were they Evas, like I said they were?"
"Yes. I destroyed the mass production Evangelions with the Combaticons' help, but..."
Minako yawned. "Sorry, I just spent four hours playing a cooperative game with Kyo-san." Vader spent the time with the NAS commander, surveying the damages, interviewing witnesses, and hiring bounty hunters to investigate the attack and bring the terrorists to justice-- dead or alive. "I had a lot of fun, but I'm very tired now, so I'm going to sleep. Please tell me everything in the morning, okay?"
Vader's mask hid his grief at the fact that he wouldn't "get laid" tonight. He calmly answered, "I will, Milady," and faced the RA-7. "Take Lady Minako to the Imperial Suite," on the Executor.
Minako pecked Vader's mask. "Good night, Vader-kun."
"Good night, Lady Minako." The Sith Lord watched Minako exit the game room; then he faced Kyo. "What were you doing with her?" he demanded.
Kyo expressed no fear. "I was training for the coming battle," an argument Vader used to keep the berserker in the XBox and out of his way. "Sailor Venus wanted to join the battle, so I let her."
"And what?" Kyo frowned at Vader, trying to intimidate his opponent as he sought, or created, a weakness; then he threw back his head and laughed. "You think I fucked her, don't you? Don't worry; I'm not interested in her. Venus is sweet, a ripe peach, but I prefer someone as fiery as hard liquor... a woman who enjoys the heat of battle and the taste of blood."
"Like Miss Mason's?"
Kyo pointed Tenro at Vader. "Why are you interested in Anna? Do you want a piece of her ass?"
"No, I want her stem cells."
"You want to clone her to form an army?" Kyo sheathed Tenro. "Why? She can't use guns, radios, NVGs," night vision goggles, "or any of the high-tech shit you Americans bring to battle like good luck charms," which were useless to the berserker.
"She can use lasercoms," laser communication systems, "and NVGs if they're hardened against EM radiation. Her natural magnetic field can generate electric power for these devices. Most importantly, she's a powerful swordswoman, willing and able to kick ass."
Kyo shrugged. "Alright, go ahead and clone her; it's your ass."
Monday, Oct 4, 2004. Morning.
An AV-98's loudspeakers issued a thundering roar. "Fight me, you terrorist bastards!" Ota demanded.
Kanuka and Noa were forced to listen to the trigger-happy Toon all night. "Shut up!" they demanded with uncharacteristic anger.
"I'll send the terrorists an invitation if they can make Ota shut up," Goto muttered. Vroom! He turned to see a minivan sped towards them, the passenger lifting a rocket-propelled grenade (RPG) launcher out of the sunroof. "I was just kidding!"
A terrorist in the van aimed his RPG-7 at the HET. "Allahu akhbar!"
Ota aimed the revolver cannon. "Bring it on!"
The minivan driver watched a fireball burst from the revolver cannon muzzle. "Ah!" He opened the door and jumped out of the van. Boom! The 75 mm hollow point round hit the rocket in its launcher, detonating it and the 1700 kg bomb hidden in the van. The patlabors took a knee to brace themselves against the resulting shock wave.
"Damn," Goto cursed as the shock wave overturned the HET. "There goes another month's catch."
"Ha ha ha ha ha!" Ota danced in the fire to celebrate his victory.
"Shit!" The driver rolled on the road to put out the flames on his clothes. "Filthy infidel pigs!" He drew his Makarov. Click! The AV-98 cocked its revolver cannon; the terrorist shook in fear as they targeted each other.
"This is the 75 mm revolver cannon. Its hollow point rounds are designed to disable eight-meter-tall robots. You ain't an eight-meter-tall robot; you'll be disintegrated. Are you gonna surrender, or do you feel lucky?" Ota asked, imitating Clint Eastwood in 'Dirty Harry', his favorite movie.
The terrorist dropped the pistol and raised his hands.
The bearded men represented four terrorist groups: PISS, the Sunni Holy Inquisition and Tribulation (SHIT), Arab Salvation Soldiers (ASS), and Followers of Allah's Grace (FAG). They came for a chance to cripple the Great Satan-- America, whose agents sowed chaos in Muslim lands and corruption in Muslim hearts-- by attacking the US military bases in Japan, capturing the weapons there, and using the Americans' own weapons to liberate Southeast Asia, which they'd unite under Islamic law. They needed a Japanese ally to do so; they wouldn't have given themselves such insulting names if they had the brains to plan this operation by themselves. "Where is Mohammed? Where are our brothers from SLUT?"
The businessman frowned in confusion as he faced the bearded men. "What slut?"
"The Sunni Liberation from United Tyranny," which sought to free Iraq from the United States, the United Kingdom (UK), and the United Nations (UN).
The businessman sighed. 'I should've allied with those French communists instead.' "A treacherous collaborator killed him this morning, and captured his driver."
"What?!" "We must avenge him!" "We'll burn the US Navy base into the ground!" "Kill all the infidel seamen, whose blood will be honey to the martyrs in paradise!" "Deflower all the infidel women, whose screams will be music to the martyrs!" The bearded men ran towards the door. Flash! "Gasp!" They froze when the businessman pointed a katana at the leader's throat.
"The recent attacks have alerted our enemies. My comrades, if you act now, the Americans and the treacherous collaborators will kill you all. You must be patient if our plans are to succeed."
"But Brother Mohammed...!"
"Will be avenged when our plans succeed." The businessman sheathed Kamikaze (Divine Wind)-- his katana-- and turned away.
Gunsmith Cats, a gun store from an OAV of the same name, prospered because the US military servicemen and women stationed on Anigu demanded self-defense weapons for themselves and their families; the store was granted a legal status unattainable elsewhere in Japan, which had restrictive gun control laws. The store also provided sword maintenance services, e.g., polishing, so when Usagi went to replenish the Sailor Senshi's ammunition supply, Anna rode in the hand of her VF-1A.
"Welcome..." Rally, the storeowner, recognized her most famous customer. "Oh, Usagi! How are you doing?"
Usagi smiled. "I'm fine. I'm here for another Hellfire-K, and to pick up Mina-chan's order," 100 rounds of SAP-HE and 300 rounds of M789 HEDP ammo.
"No problem! By the way, what did she use the rounds on?" Rally asked.
"Ah." Rally understood, thinking of last night's job. "May, we need an AGM-114K to go with the M789s!"
"Coming right up!" Whir, clank! Whir, clank! Minnie May used a power loader, the mechanical exoskeleton Ellen Ripley used to fight the Queen Alien in 'Aliens', to carry the missile-- weight: 45 kg-- and the M789 ammo-- weight: 350.5 grams per round-- to the counter.
"Is Adonis ready?" Usagi added.
Motormaster, a Decepticon who worked as a mechanic, armorer, and sword polisher at Gunsmith Cats, carried the M230-- weight: 57.5 kg-- and its magazine to the counter. "He's clean, lubed, and timed," necessary maintenance whenever the weapon was fired.
"Thanks." Usagi paid with a credit card. "My Valkyrie is parked outside." May nodded, carried the Hellfire outdoors, and fitted the missile onto a launch rail under the VF-1A's wing.
"Good morning, Motor-sensei."
"Hi, Anna. Here for a good polishing?" Motormaster asked.
"Yes." The policewoman handed her daisho to the Decepticon.
"They look like they were used as hacksaws," Motormaster noted as he examined the blades.
Anna blushed; a samurai would never abuse his sword-- his soul-- like that. "I'm sorry."
Motormaster smiled. "Don't worry! They'll be as good as new in 30 minutes." His laser let him polish a blade in minutes instead of days, as was necessary to stone polish a blade by hand, without compromising the sword's beauty or its efficiency as a weapon. "Are you gonna wait here, or pick them up later?"
"I'll wait. I cannot do my job without them."
"By the way, we have genuine Nihonto," Japanese swords, "available for only $2000," Rally added. "The Wuxia Shenbing Chang," Martial Vigilante's Divine Weapons Factory, which manufactures swords for modern Chinese who dream of being heroes in ancient China, "makes good swords, but..."
"They custom-made Ouka and Chouchou for $440, while a genuine katanakaji would charge $3300 for a daisho of comparable quality. I honestly cannot afford that," Anna stated.
Rally sighed. "We could if only the politicians appreciated our efforts against crime."
Anna nodded. "If only..."
Usagi stood outside the gun store, watching May load the M230 and its ammo into the VF-1A's storage compartment.
The Sailor Senshi turned her head. "Mireille!" The blondes embraced as close friends.
"What are you doing here?"
"Buying a Hellfire. I had to defend myself against a terrorist," Usagi answered.
"Yes, I saw it in yesterday's news. Why didn't you just use a pistol?"
"The studio won't let me use firearms. They say that, as a magical girl and a role model for schoolgirls, I must show restraint."
Mireille raised a skeptical eyebrow. "They don't let you use a pistol, but they let you use antitank missiles?"
"I don't fire them, my Valkyrie does."
Mireille sighed. "The studios never understand our needs, do they?"
Usagi sadly shook her head. "No." She watched Yuumura Kirika-- Mireille's partner-- approach her. "Yes, Kirika-chan?"
The shy young woman handed Usagi a pen and an autograph book. "Please?" she nearly whispered.
Usagi smiled. "You're so sweet." She signed the book before returning it.
Kirika bowed. "Thank you."
"She's a big fan." Mireille turned to her partner. "Come on, Kirika. We both have much to do." She led the young woman into the gun store.
The Chief, Saitou, Ryo, and Andrew sat in the office, watching the video they took.
"Mokkoriiii!" Ryo pounced on the monitor. Wham! "Ooh, a morning star, so pretty..." He fell unconscious.
"Thanks," the Chief deadpanned.
Andrew put the mallet in his subspace pocket. "You're welcome."
"The XBox, Milady." Static filled the monitor after Minako entered the gaming room.
The Chief fast-forwarded past hours of static, followed by a video of the "Sleeping Beauty." He watched Vader escort Minako to the shuttle this morning, where they promised to meet again and said heartfelt goodbyes. "Is that all?"
"Maybe. The game room's EM shielding denies us a potential source of information," Saitou stated.
"So for all we know, President Bush may have asked Venus to help him conquer Japan, and they may have spent hours negotiating over her terms?" The Chief was upset to know there was something he didn't know.
Ryo jumped upright like a vampire rising from his coffin. "I'll bring Venus in for questioning. Just give me an hour alone with..." Wham! "Ooh, a Death Star, so pretty..." He fell unconscious.
"Women tell their secrets to other women, not to men. Aino will tell Mason what they did last night, and Mason will tell us," Saitou stated.
The Chief nodded. "Make it so."
Ami, Rei, and Makoto watched stormtroopers escort Minako out of the shuttle. "Mina-chan!" They rushed to her side. "Did you have a good time?" "Did you have a bad time?" "Was Vader a gentleman?" "Was he a beast?" "Tell us!"
Minako smiled at the attention, feeling like a superstar. "I had a wonderful time. Vader-kun was a perfect gentleman, polite and respectful."
Ami's computer scanned Minako's body. "You seem... glowing. Did you and Vader...?"
Minako's eyes widened. "Ami-chan, you H!" She suppressed her laughter, pointing an accusing finger at her friend.
Ami blushed. "Please don't laugh. Force users like Vader can control minds. I'm concerned about..." Whoosh! Minako, Rei, and Makoto turned to watch Usagi's VF-1A-- in ground effect reinforcement of wing airfoil by locomotive knee-joint (GERWALK) mode-- land before the condo.
"Good morning, everyone!" Anna held a box in her hand as she stepped out of the VF-1A's. "I brought cakes!"
Usagi's smile hid her anger as she exited the cockpit. "Mina-chan, I brought Adonis and the HEDP ammo!" 'I don't care if Capt Saitou is trying to save Japan from Darth Vader! If Mina-chan gets hurt, I'll rain Hellfire missiles on Saitou's head, and then I'll blow up Vader's ship!' She took Anna to the police station after Ouka and Chouchou were polished. When Saitou gave Anna the day off and told her to spend some time with her friends, Usagi-- whose instincts were sharpened by her battles against H-anime predators-- became suspicious, and forced the police captain to explain his reasons to the Sailor Senshi.
"I brought sake!"
Anna and the Sailor Senshi turned to Washu, who suddenly appeared among them. "Good morning, little girl," the policewoman greeted.
The mad scientist swung the bottle of sake at Anna, who blocked the blow. "I am Hakubi Washu, the greatest scientific genius in the universe! You must know of my name!"
Anna raised a skeptical eyebrow. "Should I?"
"She's never seen 'Tenchi Muyo!' before," Minako explained.
"She has McKellan's Syndrome," Ami added.
Curiosity replaced anger. "Magneto's Syndrome?" Washu danced around Anna, examining the policewoman's body. "This is fascinating, fascinating! I'm inspired to harvest a stem cell sample and...!" Whir, click! The mad scientist turned to the VF-1A, whose GU-11 55 mm gun pod targeted her.
"You will not clone me and my friends!" Usagi's conflicts with H-anime studios that parodied 'Sailor Moon' had poisoned her opinion of cloning, which she saw as a form of plagiarism.
Washu raised her hands in surrender; she knew Usagi's magic could neutralize her powers, making her vulnerable to the VF-1A's weapons. "Okay, okay! No clones of you or your friends!" She turned to Minako. "Tell me about your date with Darth Vader. How do you feel about him now? Is this feeling different compared to your feelings about him before the date?"
"Ah ha ha!" Minako laughed, hiding the anxiety she felt under the mad scientist's microscope.
"So you played 'Halo' while Vader fought the Evas, and then went to sleep-- alone?" Rei asked as the Sailor Senshi prepared snacks.
"Yes, Vader-kun was a perfect gentleman. I told you not to worry!" Minako assured. "Now let's go watch a movie." The Sailor Senshi carried cookies, chips, and soft drinks into the living room. "Oh no!"
"I will claim my birthright as Voivode of Wallachia... I will defend Christianity as a knight in the Order of the Dragon... plant a Forest of the Impaled as a warning to all who bear evil in their hearts! Blood will rain down from heaven to cleanse the earth of sin!" Anna swore in Romanian. "Ha ha ha ha ha!" Her metallic teeth shined like razor blades; she removed the dentures she wore to hide them.
"Fascinating, fascinating," Washu said in Romanian as her pen danced on a personal digital assistant (PDA) screen, used because Anna's natural magnetic field was jamming the holographic interface to her supercomputer.
"What did you do to Anna-chan?!" Usagi demanded.
"I mixed some fruit punch for her," Washu calmly answered.
Rei remembered the property damage Anna caused when she was drunk. "Did you spike it?!" mixed alcohol with it.
Anna rose from her chair like a vampire prince from his coffin. "Princess Serenity." She raised her katana vertically in salute.
Usagi forced herself to calm down. "Anna-chan, you must be hungry! Would you like some cookies? They're very sweet." She put the plate on the table before Anna.
"Nothing is sweeter than blood." Chouchou flew from its scabbard, impaled two pigeons sitting before the window, and landed in Anna's left hand. The woman shook the wakizashi, throwing the dead pigeons on the plate. "Eat," she ordered Washu.
The mad scientist glanced at the cookies drowning in blood. "I'm not a vampire." Whoosh, whoosh, whoosh! She generated a Light Hawk Wing to shield herself from the knives flying from the kitchen, towards her chest. Anna silently stepped behind her, holding Ouka at her throat. "Fascinating," Washu fearlessly said.
"To refuse is to insult me. To insult me is to welcome the Angel of Death." The blade touched the coat collar, forcing Washu to step back, towards the table. "Eat."
Usagi held her transformation wand behind her back; if she could surprise Anna, her Starlight Honeymoon Therapy Kiss could cure the alcohol's effects. "Moon Star Power..." she whispered.
Anna suddenly turned to the door. "Kyo!" She charged past Washu and the Sailor Senshi, through the door.
The berserker smiled, blocking his girlfriend's thrusts. "Good morning, Anna. I came for you."
"Then fight me... prove your strength..."
Kyo let Anna push him backwards, kicked the handrail behind him, jumped into the air, and slashed. "I will," he swore when Anna dodged his kenki and counterattacked.
Washu hovered to the door, followed by a reconnaissance drone. "This is fascinating, fascinating! I'm inspired to...!"
Usagi swung her scepter, batting the drone against a wall. "The lovers deserve some privacy." Rei's ofuda (protective charm) gagged Washu to silence her protests, Minako's chains restrained her arms and legs, and Makoto helped them drag the mad scientist into the living room. "Let's go watch a romance movie."
"'Attack of the Clones' has a good love story in it," Minako suggested.
"Are you really in love with Darth Vader?" Rei asked.
"Not yet,"-- Minako didn't notice Rei's frown-- "but I think Hayden Christensen," who played Anakin Skywalker, the future Darth Vader, "is cute."
"I'll make pigeon pot pie," Makoto added. The Sailor Senshi ignored Washu's struggling and the berserkers' courtship.
> 07 <
"Bandai," Sunrise's parent company, "sold the Sazabi and the mobile dolls in 1999 to raise funds, which it used to promote the 'Gundam' franchise in North America," Stan reported. "The Yamato simply disappeared from its records after it stopped promoting 'Silent Service' in 1996; we suspect an employee of Sunrise or Bandai helped Kaieda steal the SSBN."
"Could the Sunrise President have been the employee in question?" Saitou didn't trust businessmen; samurai saw merchants as parasites who lived off other people's labor.
"I doubt it. He may be a nationalist who wants Japan to have a major role in world affairs, but he's not stupid enough to think another Attack on Pearl Harbor can give Japan the desired role."
"I hope you're right," the Chief added. "Lawyers have been screaming at me to release the Sunrise President since Sunday morning, claiming he's innocent of terrorism. Naturally, the lawyers are screaming at the wrong man; Vader has the Sunrise President, doesn't believe his claims of innocence, and is taking his time..."
Knock, knock! "Sorry to bother you, Chief," Andrew said as he entered the office, "but a lizard in a spacesuit and a,"-- he frowned at his notepad-- "two-meter-tall walking vibrator just kidnapped Anno Hideaki and the Gainax President, respectively."
"The bounty hunters Bossk and IG-88," Saitou noted. "Vader acted quickly."
Stan turned to the samurai-turned-policeman. "Why didn't he send Boba Fett?" the best bounty hunter in the 'Star Wars' universe.
"He is hunting Iraqi militants, for which he earns $45,000 a month."
Stan remembered how a lucky hit killed Fett in 'Star Wars VI: Return of the Jedi', before the hunter was rendered to be a boss in 'Dark Forces'. "Is he worth it?"
The militants' weapons targeted the hunter in Mandalorian battle armor. "Allahu...!" The hunter's flamethrower ignited their clothes. "Ahhhh!" The militants dropped their weapons; one jumped through a window to escape.
Boba Fett shot the militants who ran in panic or rolled on the floor to extinguish the flames; they were in his way. He watched their leader draw a pistol. Crack! Close quarters combat (CQC) blades extended from his gauntlet, chopped off the pistol barrel, and retracted.
The militant leader stared at the pistol grip in his hand. "Ah!" He dropped the useless weapon and shook in fear.
Fett's EE-3 blaster rifle targeted the militant leader. "Surrender, and I'll handcuff you and bring you to justice. Resist, and I'll amputate your arms and legs, cauterize the wounds so you won't bleed to death, and bring you to justice. Choose wisely," he said in Arabic. The militant leader soiled his pants, fell to his knees, and slowly raised his hands. "You chose wisely." Fett set the blaster from KILL to STUN, and shot the militant leader.
"Vader finds his performance satisfactory," Saitou answered.
"Should we warn the Bandai President?" Andrew asked.
"He's still in Hong Kong," the Chief answered. "He claims he's trying to raise public support to crackdown people who pirate anime DVDs, but..." The men knew the Bandai President was in hiding.
"Why didn't Vader fly to Hong Kong and arrest him?" Ryo asked.
"Hong Kong is Chinese territory. China has nukes; we don't."
Saitou shook his head, saying, "Americans," like a spoiled child's name.
A turbolaser turret targeted the parking lot for Minako's condo, letting Vader and the Executor's gunners watch the berserkers' mating ritual. 'Impressive,' the Sith Lord noted of Anna's endurance.
"They're surprisingly firm for their size," the gunners noted of her breasts. "Like the tires on a Juggernaut," heavy assault vehicle. "They can't be fun to play with if they're that hard." "Still, why don't we see girls this hot in the US?"
Beep, beep! "Milord, the DARPA engineers have delivered the FB-22 prototype," the XO reported.
"Excellent." Vader marched out of the bridge, to the hangar, where the engineers exited a shuttle.
A young engineer jumped out of the FB-22 cockpit and took off his helmet. "What a rush!" He adjusted the Walker Peacemaker .454 Casull revolver-- a Colt Single Action Army (SAA) reproduction with a strengthened frame and a transfer bar safety-- holstered at his right hip, and the Walker Tombstone .454 Casull revolver-- with a 16" (41 cm) barrel and a detachable stock-- at his left shoulder. "Dr Otto Mason, Regional Bomber Project Deputy Director. It's an honor, Sir." He extended his hand.
Vader marched past him to examine the FB-22, a bomber variant of the F/A-22 fighter. "Is the bomber capable of engaging and destroying a Gundam or Evangelion at all ranges?"
Otto wasn't offended by the Sith Lord's arrogance. 'I should've expected that.' "I'm not sure about the Eva-- it's two times as big as the FB-22, after all-- but a skilled pilot should have no problem kicking the butt of any Gundam." He put his hand on his chin, thinking. "Well, the Devil Gundam with its self-multiplication, self-recovery, and self-evolution abilities might cause some problems."
Vader faced Otto. "I require a demonstration. If it's as capable as you claim, I will support your project."
Otto smiled. "No problem."
Dorothy Catalonia inspected her pistol, holstered it, and entered the Gundam Epyon cockpit. She watched Gendo approach Eva Unit 01's cockpit. "Don't screw up this time," she admonished.
"I did not make a mistake. I was outgunned and quickly outnumbered, and I chose the most advantageous tactics for our cause," Gendo stated with controlled anger.
"I doubt letting you run away, living to fight another day, would've helped our cause."
"You...!" Gendo reached for his pistol; Dorothy outdrew him to target his head.
"Catalonia, Ikari," the businessman called. "Our enemies are the Americans and their treacherous collaborators, not each other. Now holster your weapons and perform the mission."
Gendo complied. "I will not fail," he swore.
"Yeah, right." Dorothy closed the cockpit hatch.
Toons from Gainax and Sunrise anime, including 'Evangelion' and 'Gundam', held signs protesting "American police brutality on Japanese soil" and the "false arrest" of Anno and the studio presidents. They stood across the street, a safe distance from the Imperial walkers guarding NAS Animegamigu's gates.
Officer Tsujimoto Natsumi sat in the Honda Today K-car passenger seat, instinctively gripping the S & W Model 629 PP .44 Magnum revolver in her hip holster. "I haven't seen a protest this big since 1995," when two US Marines and a USN seaman kidnapped and assaulted a 12-year-old girl in Okinawa.
"There's no need for violence." Officer Kobayakawa Miyuki, her partner, smiled. "I have confidence in Noa and Kanuka-san's abilities." SVU-1 relieved SVU-2 after the attempted suicide bombing, but the pilots were still on emergency call.
"They're skilled, but do you really think they can stop an asteroid drop from causing another ice age," which Char tried to accomplish in 'Char's Counterattack', "or stop the mass production Evas from initiating Third Impact, or...?"
Miyuki forced herself to keep smiling. "Don't worry, I'm sure everything will be fine." Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom! She stopped smiling when Evangelion Unit 02 somersaulted towards the NAS; the K-car shook like a soda can, forcing the policewomen to brace themselves.
"Terrorists and warmongers are about to rain weapons of mass destruction on us! How will everything be fine?!" Natsumi demanded.
Gainax Toons in military uniforms cheered, encouraging Soryu Asuka Langley, Unit 02's pilot, to avenge their honor.
"Ta-dah!" Asuka's fingers formed a V for victory as Unit 02 projected a holographic resume on its AT field. The walkers targeted her, but the gunners held their fire; their rules of engagement prohibited them from being the aggressors, although "active defense" was authorized.
The Gainax Toons stopped cheering. "What in the name of God are you doing, Asuka?!" Major (O4) Katsuragi Misato, her CO, demanded.
"Trying to find a job," the Eva pilot answered.
"With the evil Galactic Empire?!"
"It's less evil than the JSSDF," Japanese Strategic Self-Defense Force, a fictional military organization in 'Evangelion', "or NERV itself," Asuka claimed, expressing her anger towards the organization she served.
Boom! Me-263 Starscream rocketed in front of Unit 02 to distract the pilot; Skywarp teleported behind Unit 02 to point his saber at the cockpit. "An Evangelion. We destroyed nine of your kind last night. Tell me why I should let you live?"
Unit 02 indignantly put its hands on its hips. "Unlike that idiot Shinji," Ikari Shinji, Gendo's son and Unit 01's pilot, who was the primary suspect for last night's attack, "or those soulless dolls," the dummy plugs, the mass production Evas' cloned pilots, who killed Asuka in 'The End of Evangelion' before the Third Impact resurrected her, "I can think on my own. I'm smart enough to know not to obey an unlawful order like, 'Attack a US military base,' or 'Kill US soldiers.'"
"We serve the Deutsches Bundeswehr," German Federal Defense Forces, "which demands absolute loyalty. If we accept you, will you obey our orders without hesitation?"
"I..." Asuka put her hand on her chin. 'Is this the right thing to do?'
"Then let's test your loyalty." Me-263 Starscream's saber pointed at a house. "Destroy that building and everything inside."
"According to our records, it belongs to Anno Hideaki."
Asuka faced the house. "You bastard!" Unit 02 drew its pellet pistol and charged, raining DU pellets on the building. "Die! Die! Die! Die!" Asuka stomped on the house, expressing her anger for what was done to her in the 'Evangelion' series. Fortunately, Moyoco, Anno's wife, was in a police safe house; no one was killed or injured.
"Asuka, no!" Misato jumped into her Renault Alpine A310 sports car and raced towards the Eva.
Me-263 Skywarp smiled at the destruction as Starscream unfolded the monitor on his left forearm to contact Brawl. "Prepare the documents to enlist Miss Langley in the Army," the Luftwaffe Major ordered. "Offer her the rank of Feldwebel," staff sergeant (E6).
Brawl saluted. "Yes, Sir."
Dorothy Catalonia turned to the sound of gunshots. "Death and destruction." She smiled. "Music to my ears."
'Be patient,' Gendo reminded himself. 'Soon I'll be free of this psychotic bitch.' The "doctor" and the "nurse" showed their forged ID cards to the police officers guarding the intensive care unit (ICU). 'No stormtroopers,' the disguised Toon noted. 'Vader's overconfident makes him careless, a vulnerability I can exploit.' He entered the room and approached a patient, restrained to his bed. "Char."
The MS pilot smiled. "What kept you?" Behind them, Dorothy disassembled her pen to reveal a psycho-communicator (psycommu), which let her remote control the Gundam Epyon.
"So what do we do in the Bundeswehr?" Asuka asked as the Combaticons painted Iron Crosses on the "wings" attached to Unit 02's pauldrons.
"We serve as aggressors in war games, instructing German soldiers, sailors, and airmen in advanced tactics," Me-263 Starscream answered.
"Al-Qaida uses mecha?" Asuka thought of the German soldiers assigned to the International Security Assistance Force (ISAF) in Afghanistan; four were killed and 29 were wounded when a car bomb rammed their bus on June 7, 2003.
"No, but I fear it's only a matter of time. The Russian military, like the US and China, is developing military robots; those beasts are already selling nuclear weapons technology, ballistic missiles, and MANPADS," man-portable air defense systems, "to terrorists, and will certainly sell robots when they become available."
"That bad, eh?" Asuka watched Starscream draw his sabers. "Why...?" Boom! She turned to the burning hospital. "A Gundam?!" She closed the cockpit hatch.
"Hold your position," Vader radioed. "Aznable's comrades came to free him; let him enjoy a few minutes of freedom."
Starscream smiled. "You implanted a transmitter in him, didn't you?"
"That's so cool! No wonder the AFI," American Film Institute, "voted you to the top five in its list of the 50 greatest movie villains!" Asuka extended her hand as if she could reach through the monitor to shake Vader's. "I'm Soryu Asuka Langley, Leutnant," O1, "German Army," a position earned through negotiations with the WW2 Decepticons. "It's an honor to meet you, Sir, or should I call you, 'Milord'?"
"'Sir' is acceptable from allied personnel," Vader answered.
The businessman saluted. "Welcome back, Lieutenant Commander," O4, Char's rank in 'Gundam'.
Char returned the salute. "I need a replacement for my Sazabi."
"Do you seek revenge for what the Americans did?"
"I'm more concerned about what Vader will do. The Dark Lord must be stopped,"-- he raised his fist-- "at all costs."
The businessman smiled. "I agree." He led Char through a door. "I believe you're qualified to pilot this."
Char smiled at the MSN-00100 Hyaku Shiki's golden armor, Gundarium alloy with a beam-resistant coating. "Yes." He faced the businessman. "Do we have a weapon powerful enough to destroy the Executor?"
The businessman's mouth opened to speak, but an explosion interrupted him. "Argh!"
"The Executor...!" Dorothy Catalonia radioed before another explosion interrupted her.
"It's raining plasma beams on us!" Char finished.
"To the...!" Boom! The ceiling collapsed, silencing the businessman.
"Advance to the seaport and perform a bomb damage assessment. I want the survivors alive and able to talk, if possible. If not..." Vader paused. "If not, I'll understand."
"We also perform special missions for NATO: sowing death and destruction among our enemies to punish them, discouraging further attempts to sow death and destruction among our allies." Me-263 Starscream transformed and rocketed towards the port, followed by the Combaticons.
"Come on, this will be fun," Me-263 Skywarp radioed Asuka; then he transformed to follow his master.
"Beats lying on a hospital bed as a stupid pervert..." Asuka shuddered, thinking of what was done to her in 'The End of Evangelion'; then she raced after the WW2 Decepticons.
The target, a warehouse by the port, was now underwater. "Looks like the party's over," Skywarp deadpanned. Whoosh! A rocket rose from the ocean, towards him. He projected kenki to intercept the rocket.
"No, the party has just begun." Starscream smiled as the Hyaku Shiki and Unit 01 rocketed out of the ocean, their hiding place. "Decepticons...!" Unit 02 rained DU pellets on Unit 01 before he said, "attack!"
Asuka neutralized Unit 01's AT field and kicked, knocking the Eva off its feet. "You pervert!" Her pellet pistol fired at point-blank range, cracking open Unit 01's breastplate before it ran out of ammo. She dropped the pistol to draw her progressive knife, which became a jackhammer as Unit 02 stabbed the Eva's exposed chest.
"Bitch!" Gendo cursed before Unit 01 automatically ejected the entry plug-- the pilot's escape capsule-- into the ocean floor, under water dyed red by blood.
Char couldn't help the drowning Eva; the WW2 Combaticons attacked the Hyaku Shiki from all directions as Starscream and Skywarp parried his own attacks. The Me-263 Decepticons lunged whenever there was an opening in the Hyaku Shiki's defenses, covering the cockpit hatch with cuts and destroying its beam rifle and bazooka; then Starscream and Skywarp hovered in front of Char as their rocket engines formed a pillar of smoke. 'An opening!' "Sieg Zeon!" The Hyaku Shiki's Vulcan cannons roared, forcing the Me-263 Decepticons to retreat behind the smoke as they parried the DU rounds. Char drew his beam sabers, ready to cut down his enemies; then the smoke dissipated.
Char saw what Starscream and Skywarp were hiding: the Combaticons combined into Bruticus. "Damn." Superweapon-2 fired a salvo at point-blank range to shatter the Hyaku Shiki like a glass figurine and throw its pilot into the air; then seawater extinguished the flames on Char's body.
Starscream dived, wrapped chains around Char's body, and lifted the unconscious Toon out of the ocean. "That was fun,"-- he turned to Unit 02-- "yes?"
"Yeah." Asuka reached into the blood-red water. "Now where's the entry plug?"
> 08 <
The businessman rented a Russian spy satellite, which transmitted images to the Gundam Epyon. Dorothy Catalonia watched Eva Unit 02 fish Unit 01's entry plug-- already opened and empty-- out of the ocean. "Running away is the only thing he's good at." The Gundam and five Virgos walked on the ocean floor to avoid detection, carrying the businessman's "ultimate weapon"-- an anime spaceship which was impounded after the production company went bankrupt, and which the businessman acquired by bribing the impound lot guards-- like pallbearers at a funeral.
A shadow appeared above the spaceship-turned-submarine. "Halt," Dorothy ordered. The Gundam and the Virgos froze as the FB-22 flew towards them. Dorothy suppressed the urge to shoot down the bomber, hoping it wouldn't detect the ship. The FB-22 flew past the ship, towards the port; then the ship's antiaircraft guns fired at it. "Idiots!" The Gundam and the Virgos dived away from the ship, onto the ocean floor.
The FB-22 shook as a laser beam hit the wing. "Yikes!" Fortunately, a structural integrity field (SIF) reinforced its armor; the beam only scorched the paint. Otto maneuvered the bomber to dodge another beam, thumbed a safety cover on the throttle, and pressed the button underneath. Whir, click!
Dorothy watched the FB-22 transform into a robot. "Surely you jest!"
Otto painted the sensor turret-- the robot's head-- into a skull; the color television camera, forward looking infrared (FLIR) camera, and laser target designator formed the eyes and nose. He thought it looked cool; he didn't know the effect this had on the ship's crew.
"Ahhhh! The Steel Skull!" A terrorist-turned-yeoman ran towards an escape capsule. Slash! His body fell forward; his severed head trailed blood as it rolled into the capsule.
The businessman shook the blood off his katana. "Coward." The katana pointed at the FB-22. "Fire at will! Destroy the American robot!"
Otto detached the leading edges of the bomber's wings-- power sabers-- and activated the cutting mechanisms. His reflexes weren't fast enough to defend him from the laser beams raining on the robot, but the engineer programmed the FB-22's mainframe with this ability. The robot automatically parried the laser beams; the spaceship's secondary and antiaircraft armaments were now useless. Then the spaceship rose from the ocean, a sea serpent ready to strike. "Whoa."
The orbital bombardment, followed by the mecha battle, caused widespread panic in Anigu. "Ahhhh!" "Help!" "God is passing judgment upon us!" "God is punishing us for our sins!" "It's the end of the world!" "We're doomed!" "We're all gonna die!" The streets overflowed with people running in panic, trying to escape.
Rainbow lights filled the air. "Remember... The silver wings that dance in the great sky...?" Lynn Minmay-- whose songs brought peace between humans and aliens, ending the war depicted in 'Macross'-- sang, "Shao Pai Lon!" Little White Dragon.
The people stopped, calming down to hear the idol sing and dance, with one exception. "Mokkoriiii!" Ryo jumped, planning to pounce on Minmay, reach under her cute miniskirt, and grope her butt. Wham! A mallet interrupted the lecher's plans by knocking him unconscious.
"She should be able to keep them under control for a minute,"-- Andrew put the mallet in his subspace pocket-- "but we'll have a riot on our hands if we can't fix this soon."
"Capt Saitou has a plan," the Chief assured. 'I hope it works,' he didn't say.
Saitou's white stallion raced to Katanakajinomura like a man trying escape from Hiroshima before the atomic bomb detonated. The horse jumped over the front gate of his mansion. "Sumire!" the policeman called.
Kanzaki Sumire, a mecha pilot and the Great Imperial Theater's star actress in the 'Sakura Wars' video games, ran to greet her husband. "Hajime! Thank the gods, you're safe!"
"Not until we stop the terrorists and the warmongers from using their WMD." He jumped off the horse. "Is the ship ready?"
"Yes." Sumire led her husband to the fallout shelter. "I bought a Millennium Falcon replica and, recognizing my inexperience with spaceships, asked some friends to help me modify it." She opened the door to the underground hangar, where the Knight Sabers-- Sylia, Priss, Linna Yamazaki, and Nene-- surrounded the modified YT-1300 freighter, testing recently installed and upgraded systems.
Saitou frowned. "Mercenaries."
"We're not just mercenaries," Sylia calmly stated. "We're soldiers of justice..."
Saitou gripped his katana, ready to attack. "Vigilantes." The ones he faced in 'Rurouni Kenshin' were often antigovernment terrorists.
Sumire put her hand over Saitou's left hand. "Dear, now is not the time to argue. Our enemies are the terrorists and warmongers, not each other."
"Sigh." Saitou let go of the katana grip to hold Sumire's hand. "Does it have the speed and maneuverability needed to perform a trench run?" depicted in 'A New Hope': to fly in the Death Star's equatorial trench, below the turbolaser turrets' line of sight, and attack the "Achilles heel" there.
Sylia smiled. "Yes."
Hangar doors, camouflaged by the flowers planted on it, slid open five minutes later. "Violet Phoenix, launch!" The YT-1300 rose from the flowerbed, a sunflower reaching for light.
The Sailor Senshi raced towards their VF-1As. Usagi paused by two Imperial pilots standing before their shuttle as it rocked back and forth. "What are you doing?"
"Keeping Demon Eyes Kyo out of the way, as ordered," the pilot answered.
"Is Anna in there?"
"Will she be okay?"
"Our orders are to keep Demon Eyes Kyo and Detective Mason safe. We won't let them come to harm," the pilot swore.
"By the way," the copilot waved Usagi closer so he could whisper, "where do you Japanese chicks learn to be so hot?"
The copilot's thumb pointed at the rocking shuttle. "Mason's a beast in bed! I've never seen a woman that wild. Where...?" Slap! "Ow!"
"Pervert." Usagi jumped away from the shuttle, transformed in midair, and landed in the VF-1A cockpit.
The Great Yamato, a spaceship based on the WW2 battleship's design to sow nationalism in the hearts and minds of Japanese youths, aimed its 46 cm guns at the FB-22. The terrorists-turned-gunners prepared to fire. "Allahu...!" Zoom! Otto took advantage of the gun turrets' slow traverse rate to lunge and slash the gun barrels. "Ahhhh!" The attack shook Turret C, stunning the gunners.
The power sabers couldn't cut off the gun barrels. "Damn." The FB-22 somersaulted over the Yamato to attack the turret rear; Otto assumed its armor was thinner. Clang! "Double damn." He couldn't thrust the sabers through the turret.
The radio beeped. "Return to the Executor," Vader ordered. "I find the FB-22's performance acceptable, and wish to pilot it myself."
"Yes, Sir." The robot opened its bomb bay doors to reveal eight Non-Line of Sight Launch System (NLOS-LS) Container Launch Units (CLUs), each loaded with 15 Precision Attack Missiles (PAMs); its mainframe automatically targeted the Yamato's radar antennas and laser turrets. A SIF reinforced the Yamato's armor; although the PAMs' multimode warheads couldn't penetrate the armor, their detonations formed shock waves that disabled the mechanical, electrical, and electronic systems behind the armor; Otto wasn't attacked during the split-second the FB-22 needed to transform.
The businessman stood in the main bridge, watching the bomber rocket into space. "Incompetent fool!" He drew his katana, marched into Turret C, beheaded its commander, and replaced the dead man with a gunner who jumped when the head rolled to his feet. "Be brave, or you'll join the fools in death," including the gunner who panicked and fired at the FB-22, revealing the Yamato's position. The businessman returned with bloodstains covering his suit like tiger stripes. "Where's the Executor?"
Ten minutes ago, the terrorists ran into the Yamato to escape Vader's wrath; now they shook in fear, knowing they must face the businessman's. "It's..." Boom, splash! "... directly above us."
"Full speed ahead!" The businessman raced to the steering wheel and pulled it to his chest. The Yamato climbed vertically, becoming a smaller target to the Executor's gunners as it approached the star dreadnought. "Arm the wave motion gun!"
The gunners laid on the floor; the Yamato's artificial gravity overcompensated to counter Earth's gravity. "Yes, Sir!" They reached for the controls.
The businessman targeted the Executor, which accelerated away from Earth. "Fire!"
A direct hit shook the Executor, throwing crewmen against walls and onto the floor. "Milord, we've lost the ventral shields!" the XO reported.
Vader sat in the FB-22 cockpit as Otto leaned over him, pointing out the controls and their functions. "The Yamato drained its available power to do this, and is vulnerable now. Launch the TIE squadrons," he ordered. "We must destroy the Yamato before its power is restored. Have the gunners provide covering fire until we're in position to launch an alpha strike."
The bomber raced towards its target, leading the F-15C Decepticons, three TIE interceptor squadrons, and a bomber squadron. "Unidentified ship approaching from one o'clock!" an interceptor pilot warned. "YT-1300 class... What the hell?" He tilted his head, doubting his eyes. "Is that a purple ship with flowers painted all over the hull?" the pilot asked his wingman.
The wingman tilted his head. "What kind of gay ass fucker would paint the Millennium Falcon purple with flowers all over?"
Saitou asked Nene to hack into the NAS computer network so he could eavesdrop on communications to the Executor; he regretted this when Sumire shouted, "How dare you insult my beautiful artistic touch?!" Beeeeep! The Phoenix's concussion missiles locked on the interceptors, which dived to attack the YT-1300. "Calm down, Dear." He set the missile system to SAFE; the TIEs, no longer targeted, flew behind the Phoenix and awaited further orders. "We're here to prevent a war, not start one," Saitou said.
"Capt Saitou," Vader radioed. "I assume you're here to help us destroy the terrorists and restore peace to Animegamigu."
"So long as I can distinguish you from the terrorists," Saitou coldly answered.
"I find your lack of trust disturbing," Vader said. "I will never allow harm to come to the people of Animegamigu while the island is under my protection."
"The people of Anigu will protect the island ourselves, thank you," Saitou replied. "For now, let's put aside our differences and coordinate our attacks on the enemy."
"Very well." The fighters and bombers were now in position. "Alpha strike!" Vader pushed the control stick; the FB-22 opened its bomb bay doors and dived towards its target.
Proton bombs shook the Yamato; armor plates flew from the space battleship like petals from a cherry tree. "You will not escape my wrath, the wrath of the 1,500,000 Japanese soldiers who died in World War 2." The businessman pressed the intercom button. "Launch the Black Tiger Squadron! I say again, launch the Black Tiger Squadron! Scatter the American fighters like ashes in the wind!" He faced the engineers, who were trained in the former Soviet Union to sow terror and destruction in Israel. "Go to the reactor room and restore power. We must destroy the Executor."
"Yes, Sir!" The Yamato was now in orbit; the artificial gravity was reset to normal levels, letting them run out of the bridge.
Two catapults launched five Cosmo Tiger II fighters before the FB-22's saber cut them in half. Vader entered the hangar to destroy the Yamato from within, the tactic Anakin used to destroy a Trade Federation droid control ship in 'Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace'. Antiaircraft guns, mounted on the hangar ceiling, rained laser beams on the FB-22; the Sith Lord launched two AIM-120C Advanced Medium-Range Air-to-Air Missiles (AMRAAMs)-- the resulting explosions destroyed four Tigers-- before he was forced to retreat.
The businessman watched the dogfight between the Black Tigers and the TIEs. The pilots played 'Rogue Squadron III: Rebel Strike' to practice space combat, and each destroyed four to five TIEs, but they were outnumbered eleven-to-one. "Launch the MS squadron," he said with controlled anger when the last Tiger was destroyed.
The OZ-06MS Leo Space Types pushed the wreckages, glowing red with heat, out of their way to exit the Yamato's hangar. "We're freedom fighters from the Middle East!" a terrorist-turned-otaku whined. "Why don't we get Maganacs?" WMS-03 Maganacs piloted by guerillas of Arabic descent in 'Gundam Wing'. "Their fighting and weapons abilities are level 110, while a Leo's abilities are level 100!"
"Just take care of the battleship, Sir." Starscream transformed and threw two stainless steel cards, imitating Chow Yun-Fat in 'God of Gamblers'. "We'll take care of these walking oil barrels."
Slash, slash! The otaku turned his head; the cards had severed the Leo's arms. "See! If I was in a Maganac, I'd be kicking ass instead of..." Starscream threw the Ace of Spades to behead the Leo, silencing the otaku.
The otaku's wingman muttered, "I'd thank him if he wasn't a filthy American." He pulled the trigger to fire the Leo's beam rifle, instead of squeezing it to avoid disturbing the lay of the rifle and affecting his accuracy; the Decepticons easily dodged the particle beams reaching for them.
"Is that the best you can do?" Starscream waved a hand, spreading cards like a peacock's tail feathers to deflect the Leos' attacks. The F-15C Decepticon was determined to look cooler than the Me-263 Decepticons, who imitated Jet Li in 'Swordman II'.
The squadron leader returned fire as he charged, leading ten men to battle as laser beams, HEAT rounds, missiles, and cards flew harmlessly past his Leo. "Have no fear, men! Allah will reward our courage with...!" He turned to his wingman, but saw no one. "What?" He looked back; his men were all dead. "You bastard!" The leader rained particle beams all around the Decepticons; his marksmanship was too poor to hit anything but vacuum.
Starscream beheaded the Leo, silencing it. "Victory." He turned to his subordinates. "Recover my cards."
Skywarp and Thundercracker sighed. "Yes, Sir." They flew around the Yamato, collecting the stainless steel cards.
"Let's have some fun." Starscream faced the Leo. "First I'll teach you some manners." He took the Leo's rifle, turned it 180 degrees, and thrust the rifle through the Leo's cockpit.
The squadron leader felt the barrel graze his helmet. "Ahhhh!" His radio let Starscream hear his cry, making the Decepticon smile.
"It's not nice to point guns at someone unless you mean to kill him." Starscream held the Queen of Hearts between two fingers; he slashed, using the card's razor-sharp edges to sever the Leo's arms. "And if you mean to kill him, you better have the ability to kill him, or he'll make you beg for your own death before he..." The Decepticon didn't notice Turrets D and E, the rear 46 cm gun turrets, turn behind the Leo.
"Starscream!" Skywarp's warning came too late; Starscream and the Leo were blasted to pieces. Then Turret E turned to him as Turret D turned to Thundercracker. "Shock!" Skywarp teleported to Thundercracker's side, grabbed his arm, and teleported again a split-second before Turret D opened fire.
The gunners watched the squadron leader's severed head fly over the hangar. "Rest in peace, brother. Allah will reward your courage with a place in Paradise and 72 houri," beautiful dark-eyed women, pure and untouched by man or jinn (spirit), "to serve you."
Saitou watched Starscream's severed head fly past the Phoenix. "Idiot." He turned to Sumire. "Do you or your friends have any weapons that can penetrate that battleship's armor?"
"The Great Yamato?"
"Don't call it that. It's an insult to the Yamato people, our noble ancestors," Saitou gently but firmly said.
"Very well, Dear." Sumire pushed the control stick. "We'll find out soon enough." The Phoenix dived towards the battleship; Priss and Nene fired the quad laser cannons, strafing the superstructure as the missiles locked on the bridge. Sumire shouted "Violet Blooming!" as she launched the missiles; she thought they looked like the petals of a blooming flower as they maneuvered towards their target.
Saitou watched the missile warheads scorch the paint; then the stars spun around the Phoenix as the YT-1300 rolled to dodge the missiles and laser beams raining on them. "We need heavier weapons, Dear."
"Saitou-san?" a young but mature voice radioed.
"Rei?" Sumire radioed back.
"Sumire!" Hino Rei's VF-1A rocketed towards the Phoenix, firing its laser to intercept the missiles before they hit the YT-1300. "Is that the Great Yamato?"
"Don't call it that. It's an insult to the Yamato people, our noble ancestors," Saitou repeated. Boom! He expressed no fear as a direct hit shook the Phoenix. "The battleship is under the terrorists' command; it must be destroyed at all costs, or the terrorists will destroy Anigu."
"It's reassuring to know that our Japanese allies have the intelligence to know who are the true threats to peace." Anger and hatred filled Vader's heart whenever he thought of the American and European liberals identifying bin Laden as a freedom fighter, claiming the terrorist launched the 9-11 terror attacks to punish the US for her foreign policy.
"Vader-kun?" a cute voice radioed.
"Good afternoon, Lady Minako." The FB-22-- in bomber mode-- and the TIEs flew beside the Angelbirds, escorting them. "I need your help to end the terrorist threat against Animegamigu. Will you help me?"
"Of course, I'm a warrior of Love and Justice, willing pay any price, bear any burden, meet any hardship, support any friend, oppose any foe, in order to assure the survival and the success of liberty," Minako answered, quoting the late John F. Kennedy.
"Thank you. Please perform SEAD," suppression of enemy air defenses, "so I may..."
"Ha ha ha ha ha! Flying is fun!" a drunken woman radioed.
"Lord Vader!" the shuttle pilots radioed. "Detective Mason...!"
Vader watched the shuttle roll as it climbed towards the Yamato, a drunken surface-to-air missile (SAM). "Oh no." The Yamato outgunned its namesake, with four additional turrets-- three 46 cm gun turrets and one 15.5 cm gun turret-- to defend its ventral section, but no additional antiaircraft guns. The ventral gunners rained rounds-- designed to pierce an enemy battleship's armor-- all around the rolling shuttle, but the turrets traversed too slowly to track it. The tail broke off when the shuttle flew through the auxiliary bridge windows; then the blast doors automatically closed to seal the breach, shielding the shuttle from view.
"Anna-chan!" the Sailor Senshi cried, praying for the safety of their friend.
"Buzz, buzz, buzz!" The pilots tuned the radio to eliminate the static. "Lord Vader, Detective Mason and Demon Eyes Kyo have exited the shuttle and..."
"Intruders!" Rat-at-at! "Mizuchi!" Slash! "Ahhhh!" Bang! "Die!" Slash! "Die!" Slash! "Die!" Slash! "Argh!" The terrorists' screams became faint as they ran out of the auxiliary bridge, away from the berserkers. "Ha ha ha ha ha!" Kyo's laughter became faint as he and Anna pursued the terrorists.
"Ahhhh! It's raining blood!" "May the Force be with me." "What am I gonna do?!" the shocked pilots cried.
"You two will exit the shuttle, go to the hangar, and deactivate the defenses there in preparation for my arrival," Vader ordered. "Lady Minako, please perform SEAD so I may rescue Miss Mason before the ship self-destructs," he finished, changing his plans.
"Wilco," Minako answered.
"But...! Argh!" the shuttle copilot screamed when Vader used the Force to crush his body; broken ribs punctured his heart and lungs, killing the Sprite.
"Y-y-y-yes, Milord, I'm exiting the sh-sh-shuttle n-n-n-now!" The shuttle pilot jumped out of the cockpit and ran for his life.
> 09 <
The businessman stared at his monitor; the Angelbirds climbed over the Yamato, rolled, performed an inverted dive, and attacked the antiaircraft guns and missile launchers. Turret D fired one salvo at the Sailor Senshi, scattering the VF-1As like vultures from a carcass. "Destroy the enemy fighters!" The guns were silent. "Turret Dora!"
A woman's laughter answered him. Rat-at! Slash! "Argh!" "The blood is the life!"
"Who dares...?" The businessman heard the sounds of battle, and switched to the channel for Turret D's security camera. A gunner held his arms to his chest as his severed hands, still gripping an AK-47, laid on the floor. The woman cut off his head, released her wakizashi-- which hovered behind her like a guardian angel-- to lift the headless corpse over her head like a wine bottle, and began drinking his blood.
The businessman panned the camera to see a terrorist's AK-47 target Kyo. "Allahu...!" "Mizuchi!" The berserker slashed to project kenki, blasting the terrorist in half. "Ahhhh!" Kyo shook the blood off of Tenro. "Are you having fun, Anna?"
The woman released the drained corpse to grip her wakizashi. "Hee hee hee ha ha ha ha ha!"
"That's why I lust for you," Kyo added.
The FAG leader watched the woman-- dried blood covering her face and neck like scales, her bloodstained bra like a serpent's lidless eyes, her blouse tied around her waist like folded wings-- smile at the camera before following the Toon out of the turret. "The Red Dragon... he is on this ship..." He put his hands over his ears. "Allah has sent the Red Dragon to punish us! We will pay for our sins with blood! Ahhhh!" He ran around the main bridge in panic.
"Commander!" Members of FAG ran after their leader.
Slash! "Gurgle!" The FAG leader knelt on the floor, holding his hands to his throat as blood flowed from the cut.
The businessman shook the blood off of Kamikaze. "The American is not the Red Dragon. She is a drunken whore." He pointed the katana at the steering wheel, ignoring the corpse in front of him. "Return to your posts! I'll kill the whore myself." He marched out of the bridge.
Three terrorists aimed their AK-47s at the Imperial pilot. "Allahu...!" The pilot fired his blaster pistol, killing them. "Thanks for the warning, bozos." He crept down the corridor, past the rear 15.5 cm gun turret.
A fourth terrorist hid behind the door to the turret, holding a RPG-7. He heard the pilot walk past, waited a split-second, and jumped into the corridor. The pilot heard the sound and spun to counterattack, but he was too slow. The RPG-7 targeted the Sprite... Clang! The back of the terrorist's right hand hit the wall; surprised, he glanced at the hand. "Ahhhh!" A tanto (knife) was thrown at his palm, nailing the hand to the wall. The terrorist dropped the RPG-7 as his left hand drew a pistol. Crack! He glanced at his left hand, nailed to the wall by a thrown wakizashi; the pistol, split in half, fell on the floor. "Ahhhh!" He writhed, trying to free his hands.
The pilot aimed his blaster at the sound of footsteps. "Detective Mason?" He lowered the blaster.
"Hee hee hee!" Anna stepped through the door, ignoring the pilot as she approached the terrorist. "You look like Jesus now! Will you be a good man, full of the Holy Spirit?"
The crucified terrorist screamed, "You filthy infidel whore! I'll bring you to your knees and make you beg for my cock! I'll fuck you in the ass, and you'll enjoy this because you're a whore! Then I'll make you lick your shit off my cock, and...!" Ouka slashed his right shoulder, severing the arm. "Ahhhh!"
"Hurl!" The pilot leaned against the corridor and vomited; ones and zeroes spewed from his mouth. "Urgh!"
"Silence!" Anna pointed Ouka at the terrorist's right shoulder, held the katana parallel to his collarbone, and thrust through the wound to pierce the terrorist's right lung. The man hung from his left hand, now bearing most of his body weight; shock and blood loss stole his strength.
Kyo stepped behind her and saw blood shoot from the terrorist's shoulder, covering the RPG-7 before his blood vessels naturally contracted. "What did he do to deserve that?"
"He called Detective Mason a whore and threatened to fuck her in the ass," the pilot answered as Anna slashed again.
Kyo blocked the blow, stopping Anna from severing the terrorist's left arm. "He doesn't deserve that."
The terrorist's mouth opened to speak. "Wh-wh-wh-whore!"
"He deserves worse." Kyo reached into the terrorist's abdomen...
"Urgh!" The pilot vomited again, unable to suppress the urge.
The liver, following the small intestines onto the floor, crumbled like a cookie. "Hum." Kyo pointed at the dying man. "You don't observe the Muslim prohibition against alcohol consumption, eh?" Cirrhosis, a chronic disease causing scar tissue to replace liver cells, was a long-term effect of alcoholism.
The terrorist's mouth opened, but he didn't have the breath to scream; then he died.
"Come, Anna." Kyo used the terrorist's left sleeve to wipe the blood off his hand. "I know where we can quench the thirst of our blades."
"Yes." Anna returned the tanto to its sheath and freed Chouchou from the wall. "The bridge." The berserkers stepped towards the bow.
"Wait!" The Imperial pilot stepped towards the berserkers. Whoosh! "Gasp!" Chouchou flew to him, the point a millimeter from his throat; then Anna charged towards him and gripped the wakizashi. "L-L-Lord V-Vader ordered us t-t-to go to the h-h-hangar and deactivate the d-d-defenses there in preparation for his arrival."
Kyo faced the pilot. "I don't give a damn about Vader's orders."
"But you give a damn about who's stronger, yes?" the pilot continued. "There are giant robots in the hangar. If you can defeat them, you'll match Lord Vader's achievement of single-handedly defeating a giant robot; you'll prove yourself a worthy opponent."
"And Vader will stop delaying our duel?" Kyo watched the pilot nod. "What do you think, Anna?"
"The strength of a terrorist's sword may match mine, but the strength of his spirit never will." Anna ran towards the stern, determined to storm the hangar.
"Well said." Kyo ran after her.
"Hey!" The pilot shifted the blaster pistol to his left hand as his right removed the terrorist's load-bearing vest (LBV), carrying rockets; he put on the vest, ignoring the blood on it. The Sprite used the terrorist's turban to wipe blood off the launcher. "Sick." He mounted the RPG-7 on his right shoulder and ran after the berserkers.
Seven minutes later...
"Roarrrr!" Kyo's left hand held onto the Leo's breastplate as he thrust Tenro through the cockpit hatch. The terrorist in the cockpit, who thought the MS gave him the strength to kill the berserker, screamed as it fell on its back; then silence. Taking no risks, Kyo projected kenki to sever the Leo's arms.
Anna stood on the last Leo, whose legs were severed below the knees. Chouchou hovered behind her as she threw the cockpit hatch against the ceiling, wedging it like a blade. "Hee hee hee!" The policewoman's swords pointed at the terrorist in the cockpit, who soiled his pants and raised his hands in surrender.
The Imperial pilot fired the RPG-7. Boom! He destroyed the last antiaircraft gun, and immediately holstered his blaster and raised a radio to his ears. "Lord Vader, the hangar defenses have been deactivated!"
"Excellent." The FB-22-- in robot mode-- flew through the atmospheric containment field to enter the hangar.
"Roarrrr!" Kyo flew towards the FB-22 cockpit, planning to repeat his tactic against the Leo. The robot's power saber blocked his thrust, throwing the berserker towards the floor, where he landed on his feet.
Vader pointed the power saber at Kyo. "What is the meaning of this?"
"You've delayed our duel long enough. Now that the terrorists are broken, it's time to determine who's Strongest."
"The battleship remains functional; the terrorists still have the means to resist."
"Then stop wasting time!" Kyo projected kenki; Vader projected kenki to counter the attack. The berserker stepped forward, ready to attack, but the FB-22 raised its hand.
"Very well." The Sith Lord opened the cockpit hatch and faced the pilot. "Escort Detective Mason to safety."
The pilot bowed. "Yes, Milord."
"I am no coward!" Anna held her swords at her sides, ready to parry attacks from any direction. "Let me stay... let my blades quench their thirst with the blood of my enemies... Let me fight!"
'No wonder Lord Vader's so interested in her. If he uses Mason as a template, the resulting clones will be the ultimate shock troopers.' "The terrorist leaders are in the bridge. Their blood will quench your blades better than the blood of their cannon fodder," the pilot claimed.
Anna smiled. "Yes..." She raced back down the corridor. "Ha ha ha ha ha!"
"Mason!" The pilot ran after her, the RPG-7 slung across his back.
Vader ignited his lightsaber. "Roarrrr!" He flew out of the cockpit-- the hatch automatically closed behind him-- towards Kyo. The berserker blocked the thrust, but the Sith Lord quickly ignited a second lightsaber and slashed.
"Dark Disco Deejay!" Vader's attacks overwhelmed Kyo's defenses, driving him against a wall. The Sith Lord lunged, planning to impale the berserker to the wall, but Kyo jumped, kicked against the wall to launch himself behind Vader, and attacked. The Sith Lord slashed behind his back, parrying the berserker's slash as he spun to counterattack. Slash, slash, slash, crash, buzz! The duelists' blades locked together as they focused their ki, trying to overpower their opponent.
The surviving terrorist charged out of the wrecked Leo, aiming an AK-47 at the duelists. "Allahu...!" Vader and Kyo ignored him as their ki shook the hangar like an earthquake. "Ah!" The terrorist fell, dropping his rifle; the ki overcame the SIF and broke the ship in two. "Noooo!"
Whoosh! Vader responded to the vacuum of space by using his armor's integral rebreather; Kyo simply held his breath, tore a cloth strip from his coat, and tied the strip around his nose and mouth. The duelists kicked against floating debris, launching themselves at their opponents to continue fighting. Kyo fought bravely, but the rules set by the creator of 'Samurai Deeper Kyo' bound him. The Toon needed air; when he lost his breath four minutes later, he lost the duel.
Vader grabbed Kyo, used the Force to open the blast door sealing the corridor, kicked against a wrecked Leo to launch them into the corridor, and closed the blast door again. Although the artificial gravity malfunctioned-- the duelists floated in the corridor like swordfishes in an aquarium-- the emergency systems didn't, and automatically filled the corridor with air to let the duelists breathe. "Do you yield?" the Sith Lord asked.
The berserker caught his breath. "For now," he grudgingly answered. "I'll train for a year; then we'll have a rematch."
"Agreed." Vader turned towards the bow. "For now, let us work together to end the terrorist threat." He "swam" down the corridor.
Kyo examined the nodachi blade. "You still thirst, eh? Don't worry, I know where we can quench your thirst." He followed Vader towards the bridge.
Kino Makoto, alias Sailor Jupiter, watched the section aft of the Great Yamato's hangar-- including its rocket engines-- drift away from the battleship. "In the name of the Moon, Mercury, quick, scan for life signs, I hope Anna-chan's not exposed to the vacuum of space!" she said, concerned about her friend.
Mizuno Ami, alias Sailor Mercury, complied. "I detect one Sprite and one Toon... I've lost them. One human, the life sign is fading..."
Minako received a telepathic message, and put her hand on her forehead. "Vader-kun?" The VF-1A's cameras focused the bearded man. "He's a known terrorist; we have no reason to mourn his death," she radioed. "Don't worry, Anna-chan wasn't in the hangar when it broke off."
The Sailor Senshi sighed in relief. "Where is she now?" Makoto asked.
"She's heading towards the bridge, but the artificial gravity has malfunctioned. Vader-kun wants us to go to the reactor room and repair the artificial gravity," Minako answered.
Sylia, wearing her white hardsuit, entered the Phoenix's cockpit. "I'm better qualified for that task." She turned to Sumire. "Why don't we secure the reactor while the Sailor Senshi disarm the battleship?"
"A good plan," Saitou agreed.
"I agree," Usagi added. "Let's take out those big gun turrets, starting with the ones on the bottom, so the Knight Sabers can enter the reactor room."
"Okay." "Yeah!" "Let's rock!" the Sailor Senshi answered.
Usagi's VF-1A led the Angelbirds towards the Yamato, whose 46 cm guns fired in defiance. "In the name of the Moon, we will punish you!"
"Hee hee hee! This is fun!" Anna "swam" towards the bridge, followed by the Imperial pilot.
Three terrorists burst through a door, aiming AK-47s. "Allahu...!" Their feet lost traction in the corridor; unable to stop, they crashed into the opposite wall. "Ai!" "My shoulder!" "Get off of me!"
The pilot braced himself against a doorframe before he shot and killed the terrorists. "Welcome to the Final Frontier, bozos." A blade entered through his back, pierced his heart, and exited through his chest. "Mason!" the pilot called before disintegrating.
Anna turned to feel a katana point hit her abdomen, forming a bruise. "Ite!" She released Chouchou to grip Kamikaze's blade, stopping the businessman from launching another attack as Ouka cut his wrist.
"Ite!" The businessman released his katana, drew a Nambu Type 14 8 mm pistol, and squeezed the trigger. The bullet couldn't pierce Anna's skin, but it threw the policewoman backwards, out of control and vulnerable to another attack. The recoil threw the businessman backwards; he somersaulted, kicked against the ceiling, and launched himself towards his katana. He recovered the sword and continued moving, slowly extending his arms to thrust. Clang! "What?!" Chouchou pushed against Kamikaze, throwing the businessman towards a wall.
Anna kicked against the floor, launching herself towards her opponent. She recovered her wakizashi as her katana reached for the businessman's heart. Bang! Anna, now more alert, parried the bullet, but its momentum threw her backwards again.
The businessman let the recoil throw him backwards. "My katana is too noble to be stained by a whore's blood." He grabbed the RPG-7 the deleted pilot dropped. "I shall use this instead." He squeezed the trigger... Thud! "Ite!" The artificial gravity's reactivation sent his butt towards the floor, surprising the businessman and spoiling his aim. The rocket hit a wall instead of Anna, blasting a hole and exposing the duelists to space. "Noooo!" the businessman cried as he flew through the hole.
"Gasp!" Anna thrust her swords through the floor, anchoring herself as she resisted the vacuum.
Vader braced himself against the doorframe. He used the Force to tear a door from its hinges and throw it in front of the hole. The Sith Lord raced down the corridor and used his lightsaber to weld the door to the hole, sealing the breach. "Are you well, Detective Mason?"
Anna caught her breath. "Yes... Sir..." She rose to her feet, freeing her swords from the floor. "What happened?"
"The Knight Sabers have repaired the artificial gravity system."
"Anna!" Kyo ran to embrace his girlfriend. Anna kissed him, pressing the Toon against a wall. The blood covering them ignited their passion; the berserkers publicly displayed their affection for each other, necking and petting as their swords hovered behind them.
"We must capture the bridge and summon assault teams to board and capture this ship," Vader interrupted.
Kyo broke off a kiss to glance at the dead terrorists. "Is there anyone left to kill?"
Vader sensed fear before them. "There are seven men in the bridge, terrorists who are terrorized instead. They've ordered the crews of the 'useless' antiaircraft guns to reinforce the bridge. 20... 30... There are 40 men in the bridge. Including the crew of the remaining 46 cm gun turrets, the total number of targets is 175." The alpha strike destroyed the thinly armored 15.5 cm gun turrets.
The berserker smiled. "Good." He faced Anna. "Are you coming?"
Anna smiled; Kyo was aroused to see blood stain her metallic teeth. "Yes." The berserkers gripped their swords and raced down the corridor.
"Excellent." Vader followed them towards the bridge.
Washu teleported aboard the Great Yamato to examine the wave motion gun. "Fascinating." She sensed kenki, and put on her x-ray visor to scan the source. A Kobu-- a hero's "Armor of Light" in 'Sakura Wars'-- rocketed through a barricade in front of the reactor, performing Gatotsu to impale two terrorists-- a machine gun crew-- upon its katana. She turned to see where the Kobu came from: a hole in the Yamato's hull, leading to a YT-1300 docking tube. "So soon?" She quickly attached a beacon to the wave motion gun, caressing it like a lover. "We're going to have so much fun together. Ha ha ha ha ha!" She pressed a button on her PDA to teleport herself and the gun back to her lab.
One second later, the bow disintegrated when the terrorists tried to fire the wave motion gun, sending a megaton of energy into the cavity where the gun was.
The engineer winked at Sumire's winged purple Kobu as he took off his shirt. He blew a kiss; his hips swayed as he took off his pants.
A midnight blue Kobu, the helmet customized to resemble a wolf's head, gripped the engineer's throat and lifted him off the floor. "How dare you attempt to seduce my wife?" Saitou growled. "For this,"-- the katana pointed at the engineer's right eye-- "I'll make you pray for your own death!"
The engineer pissed on the floor as he thought of his comrades, their bodies blasted to pieces by Saitou's kenki. "Ah!" he cried when the pilot released him in disgust.
Sumire blushed inside the cockpit. "Why do we have to strip search them?"
"Infrared sensors, x-rays, and radar can be deceived, blinded to hidden weapons and explosives," Saitou answered.
Priss, Sylia, and Linna taped the terrorists' hands and feet together. "I don't think the cargo bay's big enough to hold them all."
Sumire gasped. "Perish the thought! The terrorists' filth will not be allowed to sully the Violet Phoenix!"
"Don't worry, Gen Vader is sending landing crafts to transport the EPWs to the Executor's brig," Nene radioed from the freighter cockpit.
"EPWs? I thought they're terrorism suspects?" Linna asked.
"If the Sith Lord wants them, he can have them as long as he can prevent the terrorists from attacking Japanese citizens," Saitou commented.
The businessman's lungs burned as he held his breath. He fired the Type 14 behind him; the recoil to propelled him towards the stern. 'There!' The Cosmo Zero fighter, thrown into space when the hangar was destroyed, floated in front of him. The businessman emptied the magazine to reach the fighter; he entered the cockpit, automatically filled with air five seconds after he sealed it. "Vengeance will be mine." He started the engine...
The radio buzzed. "What...? Hey! Who the shock are you?!"
The businessman frowned. "I'm an Imperial Japanese Navy officer and a patriot! Who are you to address me with such disrespect?!"
"I am Starscream, Decepticon Air Commander and US Air Force colonel!"
The businessman quickly armed the fighter's weapons. "Show yourself, cowardly American terrorist! I'll behead you and offer your head to the Yasukuni Shrine, so it may honor the soldiers who fought for the Great Japanese Empire!" including Class A war criminals of WW2, enshrined as "Martyrs of Showa" (Emperor Hirohito's reign, 1926 to 1989).
"I'm right here!" The Cosmo Zero rocketed towards the Executor, transmitting a USAF identification friend or foe (IFF) code to avoid friendly fire. "This is Col Starscream. I've captured an EPW. I want an SP," security police, "platoon ready in Hangar 2 to relieve me of the prisoner."
"Yes, Sir," the Executor's XO radioed.
"Yaaaa!" The businessman reloaded his pistol and shot the instrument panel, emptying the magazine. He wasted the bullets; Starscream's mutant indestructible spark, which possessed the Cosmo Zero after his body was destroyed, couldn't be exorcised without blasting the fighter to pieces. "You coward!" The businessman threw the useless pistol at the radar screen, shattering it.
The fighter flew past the Yamato and let the businessman watch the Angelbirds disarm the battleship: Sailors Moon, Mercury, and Mars lifted the last 46 cm gun turret out of its mount so Sailors Venus and Jupiter could pour laser beams, 55 mm rounds, and missiles into the turret's unprotected barbette, destroying it. Starscream heard his prisoner gasp in shock, and sadistically flew around the Yamato.
The businessman saw the PISS, SHIT, and ASS leaders' faces, framed by blood as the bearded men were pushed against the windows before their executions. The surviving terrorists kneeled, raising their hands in surrender as Anna danced in the blood shooting from dead men-turned-fountains. "How dare that whore defile the divine ship with her presence?!"
"The battleship is no more divine than Auschwitz," concentration camps operated by the Nazis, where an estimated 1,000,000 to 1,500,000 people were killed. "Let it die with the insanity that drove the Great Japanese Empire to self-destruction in World War 2," Saitou radioed.
"Traitor!" the businessman accused as the Cosmo Zero entered the hangar, followed by the Phoenix and the Angelbirds. A stormtrooper platoon quickly formed a line in front of the fighter, aiming E-11 blaster rifles at the cockpit. "Death before dishonor!" He pulled a lever; the ejection seat launched him out of the cockpit, towards the hangar ceiling. Crash!
The businessman fell to the floor as Saitou exited the YT-1300; then the falling ejection seat crushed the body and popped off his head. "Idiot." The police captain drew his katana and approached the body.
"Argh!" The headless body pushed the seat off itself and jumped to its feet. It tore open its shirt to reveal the businessman's real head: a Toon boy's head. Both Toons assumed combat stances; Saitou's katana was horizontal, ready to thrust, while Kamikaze was vertical, ready to slash. "You treacherous collaborator! I'll kill you where you stand!"
Saitou expressed no fear. "Yamamoto Momotaro, you're under arrest for..." He began listing the many crimes the Yamamoto Bank CEO committed.
The stormtrooper lieutenant mentally translated the name. "Peach Boy? Was your father a flaming homosexual or something?"
"I was named after Momotaro, the legendary hero who stormed the fortress of Onigashima," Demon Island, "and defeated the demons there!" the Toon-turned-businessman protested. "I matched his achievements when I liberated the East Indies from the demonic British Army!" in 'Momotaro: the Sea's Divine Soldiers', a WW2 propaganda film.
Saitou studied military history; he knew Captain America was the first Toon to participate in a real-life war, when the American Toon killed a Viet Cong (VC) sapper who tried to bomb the stage of a 1969 United Service Organizations (USO) show. "Liar."
"Yaaaa!" Momotaro jumped out of his realsuit-- his human costume and the stilts that increased his height-- to land behind the police captain and attack. Saitou slashed behind his back, parrying the IJN officer's slash as he spun to counterattack. Clang, clang, clang!
"Hajime!" Sumire's Kobu raced down the Phoenix's loading ramp, its naginata (glaive) in an attack position.
Saitou drove back Momotaro to raise a hand, telling his wife to stop. "Do not intervene. This is an honorable duel."
"But...!" Tears filled Sumire's eyes as Momotaro slashed at Saitou's groin. The samurai-turned-policeman parried the slash, but this distracted him from a thrown bayonet.
"Ah!" Saitou's hand covered his right eye, the fingers closing around the bayonet.
"Victory!" Momotaro lunged, the katana reaching for Saitou's heart... "Ahhhh!" His opponent threw back the bayonet and hit Momotaro's left eye; he fell, covering the eye.
"A good trick,"-- Saitou barely caught the bayonet before it hit, and feigned injury to distract his opponent-- "but one I already have a defense against." His katana pointed at the back of Momotaro's neck, ready to sever the spinal cord and paralyze the IJN officer. "You're under arrest."
Hatred filled Momotaro's right eye as he used Kamikaze as a crutch, climbing to his feet. "How dare you claim to be a samurai? You have no loyalty. You serve the Americans like a whore, like those sailor suited sluts... What?" he exclaimed when a magnetic field tore the katana out of his hand. "Ahhhh!" he screamed when the bayonet spun, drilling into his brain.
The magnetic field shook Saitou's katana. He tightened his grip and faced the magnetic field's source: Anna exiting a Sentinel class landing craft.
"How dare you insult the Princess' virtue?" Anna gripped Ouka and Kamikaze; Chouchou hovered behind her. "You'll pay for this offense with blood."
"Anna, stop!" Usagi jumped out of the VF-1A cockpit. 'I must use the Starlight Honeymoon Therapy Kiss to cure Anna's drunkenness, or she'll...!'
"Be gone, whore!" Momotaro pulled out the blade-- and his eyeball-- and threw it at Anna, whose swords shattered the bayonet. "End your own misery by thrusting your sword through your cunt, as I thrust mine through your... Ahhhh!" he screamed when the policewoman threw Kamikaze, impaling him to a wall.
Usagi lowered her scepter. 'Never mind.'
Saitou could disarm Anna and save Momotaro, but the IJN officer could take advantage of this distraction to escape. Besides, he saw no reason to waste time and effort enforcing laws against police brutality. 'The criminal's acts justified the punishment he'd receive.' "Let me know when you're done." He walked away from Momotaro, past Rei's VF-1A. "Why is Detective Mason so obsessed with blood?"
"She's the reincarnation of Dracula," Rei answered.
"No. The Sacred Fire told me she was a Romanian warlord who impaled 20,000 men, women, and children around the city of Targoviste..."
"A Forest of the Impaled to greet the Turks when they laid siege to his castle in 1462," Saitou finished. "I'm surprised you'd befriend such a person."
"Ahhhh! You filthy half-breed! I'll crucify you upside-down, your legs split and your cunt open for me to... Ahhhh!" Momotaro screamed as he was tortured.
"Anna has proven herself to be a loyal friend, willing to make any sacrifice for us. She deserves the same loyalty from us," Rei swore.
"Well said." Saitou walked to Sumire's side. "Where will you like to have lunch, Dear?"
"Hey, Vader," Starscream called as the Sith Lord exited the FB-22. "Get me Takara," which manufactured 'Transformers' toys in Japan, "please. I need a new body, like, now."
"K-Kaoru-kun, people are watching!" Ikari Shinji protested as an albino unbuttoned his shirt to feel his heartbeat.
Nagisa Kaoru silenced his boyfriend with a kiss. "All the more reason to do so, so everyone can know of our love."
"Shin-chan is right, Kaoru-kun." Ikari Yui, Shinji's mother, followed the young men towards the luggage claim. "We're not in San Francisco anymore," where they were on vacation. "Public displays of affection..." She gave a lecture on appropriate behavior in public; she ignored the 196-centimeter-long model of a F-15J fighter before them, part of a display promoting the Japanese Air Self-Defense Force (JASDF).
Kaoru smiled at Yui. "There's no need for anger, Mrs. Ikari. We..." Zap! "Shinji-kun!" He caught his boyfriend as Shinji fell towards the floor, paralyzed by a stun beam. Zap, zap, zap! "Demon!" The albino's AT field shielded them from the stun beams raining on them; he projected the field like a tidal wave to attack the F-15J model.
The disguised sniper rocketed from his mount a split-second before the AT field felled it like a tree in a hurricane. The F-15J transformed, the engines separating to become legs, wings folding over the hips to become tassets, and arms extending from the fuselage. The face of the assassin droid IG-88 appeared on the nose cone.
Kaoru gently lowered Shinji onto Yui's lap, watching the mother cradle the son's head; then he flew towards IG-88, swearing, "Tenchu!" divine retribution. The droid simply transmitted an order, activating shield generators hidden in the display. The shield neutralized the AT field; IG-88 shot Kaoru as he struggled, a butterfly caught in a spider web.
The droid landed, a laser rifle aimed at Shinji, and a blaster pistol at Yui. "Surrender or die."
Yui was too surprised to express fear or anger. "You're a Transformer?"
"I don't recall ever seeing a Transformer in 'Star Wars'."
"Col Starscream provided the modified armor and helped me develop tactics to exploit its functions."
JASDF airmen chained the Gundam Epyon, covered in tarp, to a C-1 transport plane's cargo bay. "Cargo secured, Ma'am."
"Finally." Dorothy Catalonia marched from the cargo bay to the cockpit. "Prepare for takeoff." Zap! "Gasp!" She fell on her back when a stun beam paralyzed her.
Bossk lowered his blaster pistol. "Gotcha." The bounty hunter crept out of the pilot's seat, towards the helpless Toon. "I don't think Vader will mind if I have a bite... a bonus for a job well done." Saliva dripped from his teeth as his mouth opened to tear meat off Dorothy's leg.
"W-wait!" Dorothy forced herself to smile, hiding her fear. "I'm more useful to your employer if I'm uninjured and able to pilot a Gundam. You might not care about that, but Vader will, and you don't want to take responsibility for a mistake like that, eh?"
"Well said." Vader marched into the cockpit to stand over Dorothy. "Bossk will not harm you as long as you cooperate. If you refuse, he'll be free to devour you and scatter your bones all over the runway."
Dorothy writhed on the floor, trying to stand up as the stun beam's effects wore off. The friction unzipped her flight suit, exposing her shoulders and the lace lining her white bra. 'Damn. Oh well.' "I'm sure we can come to an agreement. Maybe you'd like an enforcer to help fight the Iraqi insurgency?" Her writhing became seductive. "The Gundam can..."
> 10 <
Friday, Oct 8, 2004. Evening.
"For two years, the President didn't even engage with North Korea, did nothing at all while it was growing more dangerous, despite the warnings of former Secretary of Defense William Perry, who negotiated getting marijuana and cocaine to bribe Kim Jong-Il," North Korea's "Dear Leader," "so he wouldn't bomb us," Kerry accused.
"We were safer before President Bush came to office. Now they want to bomb us again and we're less safe.
"So what do we do? We've got to join with the British and the French, with the Germans, who've been involved, in their orgy. We've got to lead the world now to kneel down and suck Kim Jong-Il's cock while Osama bin Laden fucks us in the ass.
"But the President's been slow to do that, even in Russia.
"At his pace, it's going to take 13 years to reduce and get a hold of all the loose nuclear material in the former Soviet Union. I've proposed a plan that can buy it up and resell it all to anyone who wants radioactive material for a dirty bomb within four years, and use the money to buy cocaine for my campaign staff.
"And the President is..." Kerry froze. He turned to see Bush lean over the podium, shaking with laughter. "Stop fucking with my mind!"
One hour later...
"I opened a can of whoopass on Kerry! The election is as good as mine," Bush boasted as Secret Service agents escorted him through the parking lot, towards the Presidential limousine.
An overweight man, an American flag wrapped around his body, stepped in front of Bush and fired a RPG-7.
"Yikes!" Bush held his hands in front of him, freezing the rocket in midair. The timed fuse detonated the rocket, blowing the President and the terrorist off their feet. "Damn." He jumped to his feet and ignited a lightsaber.
The terrorist climbed to his feet, aiming a M16A1 5.56 mm rifle at the President. "Sic semper tyrannis!" thus always to tyrants, the motto John Wilkes Booth shouted after assassinating Abraham Lincoln. The terrorist blinked when red light flashed in front of him; his eyes opened to see the M16A1-- and his left arm, the hand on the handguards-- cut in half. "Argh!" The terrorist dropped the useless rifle. "You motherfucker!" He drew a .38 Special revolver as the lightsaber returned to Bush's hand.
"Sailor Venus Kick!" Minako-- wearing her hardsuit-- kicked the terrorist to make him drop the revolver; the overweight man slammed against a car, denting the door. Secret Service agents quickly surrounded Minako and the terrorist, aiming .357 SIG P229 pistols at them.
"The girl is with me." Vader marched to Bush's side. "Let her go."
"Yes, Sir." The agents complied.
"Welcome home, Deevee." The President faced the terrorist: Michael Moore, a liberal, documentary director, writer, and political activist. "What the hell are you doing? Isn't it enough to humiliate me onscreen in theaters around the country?"
"Wow, George W. Bush, President of the United States of America, it's an honor to meet you, I'm Minako Aino, alias Sailor Venus, a warrior of Love and Justice, can I have your autograph, please, please, please?"
Moore's accusing finger pointed at Bush. "Shame on you, Mr. Bush, shame on you! You got Darth Vader and a sluttrooper,"-- he couldn't see Minako frown behind her visor-- "to cover your lying ass now! Your time is...!" He felt the Force tickle his neck. "Hee hee hee hee hee!" The political activist's head retracted into his sweater like a turtle's into its shell.
Vader watched Bush frown in frustration. "It may help to visualize the target in your hand. Observe." The Sith Lord raised his hand and closed it.
Moore felt the Force close around his throat, an invisible noose. "Gurgle!" He put his hand over his throat, trying to resist Vader's dark powers; then the Force was relieved. "Wheeze, wheeze!" The political activist took deep breaths, meeting the brain's demand for oxygen.
"Visualize the target in my hand..." The President raised his hand and closed it, following the Sith Lord's example.
"Gurgle!" Moore kneeled, struggling to breathe.
"Wow, that is so cool, I didn't know you were a Sith Lord, Mr. President!" Minako exclaimed.
Bush smiled at Minako. "Thank you, young lady." He faced the political activist again. "I wonder if I can use the Force on other body parts?" The President held his hand at waist level and closed it.
Moore felt the Force squeeze his genitals like a vise. "Ahhhh!" The pain was unbearable; he fell unconscious and broke his nose upon the floor.
After Moore was arrested, Bush wrote his name as "Darth Thermonucleus" in Minako's autograph book.
Saturday, Oct 9, 2004. Morning.
Usagi, Ami, Rei, and Makoto led a reluctant Anna-- wearing a white t-shirt, blue jeans, her daisho hanging from a black leather belt, and pink tennis shoes-- into the Silky Doll, determined to improve the policewoman's fashion sense. "You just got promoted," to sergeant, after Vader spoke to the Police Chief, "so don't worry so much about money!" "Live a little! You deserve to look pretty." "I think you'll look very cute in this dress." "Anna's not a teenager anymore. She should look mature... sexy." "Ami-chan, you H!"
"How dare you?!"
Anna and the Sailor Senshi faced Washu, who appeared before them. "Are you okay, Washu-san?"
"Call me Washu-chan! And I'm not okay, because you donated 2.03 milligrams of olfactory stem cells," extracted from Anna's nasal cavity, "to Vader without donating an equal amount to me!"
The Sailor Senshi turned to Anna. "What?!" "How could you, Anna?!" "Now they're gonna make clones of you to be comfort women!" prostitutes in military brothels.
Anna's rage shook nearby coat hangers. "My children will not become comfort women!" She breathed deeply to calm down. "Gen Vader told me the clones would become shock troopers to fight the Iraqi insurgency." The ransom Sunrise paid-- securing Char, Kaieda, and the company president's freedom-- funded the project. "He also promised to help me if I ever need an organ transplant."
"Hum. Maybe I can get a sample from Vader." Washu turned away from Anna. "Hi. I didn't know you swung that way, but I think that teddy will look good on you. Pink is a very cute color." She teleported out of the Silky Doll.
The policewoman stared at the person who Washu talked to. "Andrew-kun?"
The anime detective blushed, a woman's one-piece undergarment draped over his left arm. "Good morning, Anna."
"What are you doing here?" five female voices asked.
"Andrew-kun!" Minmay stepped out of a changing room. "How do I look in this dress?" She spun like a ballet dancer and let everyone see her legs as centrifugal force lifted up the skirt.
"It-- it looks nice." Andrew stared at the ceiling, his face as red as a ripe tomato.
"Well? Do you think Sephiroth-kun will like it?" Minmay added.
"She's dating Sephiroth?!" Usagi exclaimed.
"Well, she hates war, but she loves warriors," Ami noted.
"I wonder how the gods will judge their relationship?" Rei wrote, "Sacred Fire-- Lynn Minmay + Sephiroth?" in her notebook.
"What are you doing here?" Makoto repeated.
"You know how people panicked and tried to get out of town when Vader bombed the port to flush out the terrorists?" Andrew watched the young women nod. "She helped me prevent a riot then. Now I owe her a favor."
Usagi ran to Minmay's side, seeking details to gossip about. "It's a nice dress, but you should accessorize to bring out the colors. Hey,"-- she wrapped a silk scarf around the idol's neck-- "do you think this will help?"
Andrew noted Minako's absence. "Where's Miss Aino?"
Rei frowned. "Vader invited her to accompany him to see the President." She disapproved of Minako's attraction to the video game star.
Minmay looked in a mirror. "I think a necklace..." Bang, clatter! "Ahhhh!" she screamed when Usagi pushed her onto the floor, out of the line of fire.
"Take cover!" Rat-at-at-at-at!
The late Oyabun's deputy bowed to the men in the limo: Gendo and Lt Powers. "The samurai have trapped Blowup Doll in the lingerie store. Soon the Oyabun will be avenged..."
"And I'll be recognized as your Oyabun," Gendo finished. The position would be his reward for helping the yakuza.
Powers fondled Officer Ada Sakura's breasts as she danced on his lap. "Don't spare the ammo; use the RPG if you have to. Blowup Doll is one tough cookie." No one noticed a nodachi fly out of a blue BMW M3 convertible-- Ami's, which had EM shielding to protect the computer she installed-- in the parking lot.
"Yes, Sir." Boom! The deputy turned to the explosion, and ran towards the store to confirm Anna's death.
"Ahhhh!" "Demons!" "My sword!" "We're all gonna die!" "Run!" The yakuza "samurai" ran through the door and windows, cutting themselves on broken glass as they tried to escape from the Silky Doll.
"What the hell are you doing?!" The deputy noticed the samurai held balloon animals instead of katana and assault rifles; the RPG-7 was loaded with a live chicken, flapping its wings and trying to get its tail out of the launcher. "What happened to your weapons?!"
"I took them away," Belldandy answered.
"Ah!" The deputy jumped backwards, surprise by the goddess who teleported in front of him.
"I don't want anyone to be hurt by such terrible weapons," the goddess continued.
"Ho ho ho ho ho! Run, little rabbits! Run!" Urd flew through a window, casting lightning bolts at the yakuza's feet.
Sylia extended her wings and ignited the hardsuit's rocket engine, launching herself in front of the lead yakuza. Sword blades extended from the gauntlets and reached for his eyes, ending the "samurai" troop's flight. "You vandalized my store. You will pay for the damages, or I'll harvest your organs and sell them on the black market."
Gendo opened the door and dragged the deputy into the limo. "Drive!" He closed the door as the limo raced away from the Silky Doll.
"Shrieeeek!" Anna jumped through a window, raised a power nodachi, and dived towards the limo like an eagle towards her prey. She slashed, cutting the limo in two. The driver and passengers screamed when the engine and the front wheels raced away from the limo; they screamed again when the nodachi cut open the roof, nearly beheading them.
Gendo, Powers, the deputy, and their bodyguard drew their pistols. They felt the pistol grips change, and were shocked to see white mice in their hands instead of weapons.
Belldandy flew to Anna's side. "Please lower your sword, Anna-san. There's no need for violence."
The policewoman held the nodachi against the deputy's throat; her natural magnetic field powered the cutting mechanism, generating heat that burned the crying deputy's skin. "You're under arrest."
Andrew jumped onto the limo trunk, his mallet ready to hit the passengers' heads across the parking lot like golf balls. "Nice sword."
"Thank you, Andrew-kun. Her name's Yukihime," Snow Princess. "Otto forged her for me."
Sailors Mercury, Mars, and Jupiter ran to the immobilized limo, followed by Andrew. "Anna-chan, are you okay?!" "We arrested the yakuza with Sylia-san and Urd-san's help; they won't bother you now." "Ikari Gendo?!"
Andrew raised an eyebrow when he identified a passenger, but wasn't particularly surprised. "Lt Pervert Powers."
"My name is Herbert! Herbert Powers!"
The anime detective noticed the Toon woman still dancing on Powers' lap. "Interesting company you're keeping. Let's see... that makes public indecency, corruption, aiding and abetting, resisting arrest..."
"This is a sting operation, you mongoloid! You just ruined months of effort by your fellow police officers! I'll have your head for this!"
"Was that why you recommended Dr Psycho to the late Oyabun, instead of an undercover police officer, after he bribed you $100,000 to learn which hospital was Anna-san treated?" Belldandy asked, pretending she didn't sense the evil in the police lieutenant's heart.
Andrew watched Powers' skin pale and his jaw drop open, becoming the subject of Edvard Munch's 'the Scream'. "And there's the matter of attempted murder," he added. "You're under arrest."
Gendo grabbed a glass shard-- part of the window, which shattered when Anna cut open the roof. He put his left arm around Ada's neck, pulled the H-anime heroine off Powers' lap, and pointed the shard at her throat. "Let me go, or the girl will..." Anna slashed between the Toons, severing Gendo's nose and arms. "Argh!"
Belldandy's magic lifted Ada out of the limo and cleaned off the blood. The goddess put her hand on the H-anime heroine's shoulder. "Are you okay, Officer?"
"Thank you." Ada kneeled before Belldandy. "Let me repay your kindness... let me be your sex slave." She performed a zarei.
The goddess blushed. "Oh my."
One year later...
A US Army MP platoon guarded a gate to the Green Zone, a fortified area in Baghdad, Iraq, where to the US and British embassies were. "Craziest thing I ever saw," Staff Sergeant (E6) Ray "Porky" Price, a member of the relief force, said of his experience as a drill sergeant. "The bitch would jump into the air, catch a bird with her bare hands, and eat the poor animal-- raw, bloody, and still covered with feathers-- when she was hungry. Then the Captain ordered us to leave the privates alone at chow, so we wouldn't be accused of trainee abuse. It was stupid-- we wasted precious training time watching the privates fatten themselves-- but at least the bitch stopped catching birds to snack on." Boom! The MPs faced the gate, seeing three trucks-- one transformed into a burning wreck by the bomb it carried, one overturned, and one stopped when it crashed into a concrete barrier-- before them.
HQ ordered Porky's platoon to inspect the trucks. The MP heard a roar, and looked up to see Gundam Epyon-- with USAF insignia painted on the wings-- fly overhead. "Fucking Toons," he cursed, remembering "Lieutenant" Dorothy Catalonia's arrogance.
A terrorist stepped out of the crashed truck. "I surrender!" He threw down his AK-47 and tore off his clothes. "Put me in Abu Ghraib!" a prison where former Iraqi President Saddam Hussein once tortured and executed political dissidents and, after he was overthrown, where American soldiers-turned-prison guards abused prisoners.
"I don't believe this. I don't fucking believe this." Porky ordered the naked terrorist to slowly walk to the gate. "Do you actually want some weekend warriors," reservists and National Guardsmen, like members of the 800th Military Police Brigade who were arrested for the abuse, "to put you on a leash like a dog?" he asked as MPs handcuffed the terrorist and confiscated the AK-47.
The naked terrorist shook in fear. "Please, I no want to die, I no want to die..."
Porky pointed at the overturned truck. "What about your buddies over there?" The terrorist was too scared to answer. "Never mind." He led his platoon to the truck. "Oh my God!"
The 17 men who fell out of the trucks were insurgents-- terrorists-- who planned to force their way into the Green Zone and cleanse the city of infidels; now they were fodder. Six dismembered bodies twitched, changing the street into a river of blood, the dying men's severed hands still gripping their weapons.
Nine clonetroopers, their helmets hovering over their heads, crouched over four bodies. "Gasp!" A terrorist raised his right arm-- the hand was severed-- as a clonetrooper threw back her head to tear meat off the dying man's bones.
Porky watched the troopers chew on human flesh. "Mason?!" He recognized the female troopers' blood-red hair, the large breasts pushing against the confines of their breastplates. "You bitch!" His M16A2 5.56 mm rifle targeted the troopers... "Gurgle!" The Force closed around his neck; he dropped his rifle when the invisible noose lifted him off his feet.
"At ease, Sergeant." General (O10) Darth Vader released the man, no longer a threat to the clonetroopers.
"Wheeze, wheeze, wheeze!" Porky spun, dizzy from the lack of oxygen. He saw the clonetrooper sergeant and Demon Eyes Kyo lift headless corpses over their heads to drink the terrorists' blood; seven headless corpses laid at their feet, evidence of their thirst. "Oh my God..." He kneeled, too shocked to stand.
The clonetrooper sergeant released the drained corpse in her left hand, and noticed Vader. "Squad, attention!" The troopers stood at attention, their power nodachi raised vertically in salute. Their helmets-- designed to make them resemble enraged demons, with horns protecting the lasercoms-- lowered onto their heads, hiding their bloodthirsty joy. The MPs sighed in relief; now they couldn't see the troopers' metallic teeth stained with blood.
Kyo-- single again-- smiled at the clonetrooper sergeant. "I win," the drinking contest.
"At ease." Vader inspected the scene. "I commend you on your success in thwarting the attack, but I want you to show restraint when neutralizing terrorists. Dead men tell no tales."
"Actually, Sir, a tango," terrorist, "just surrendered to us," a MP stated.
The Sith Lord faced the man. "Where is the terrorist?"
"In the holding area, Sir."
"Excellent. I will interrogate him personally." Vader turned away.
Porky stared at the clonetroopers' armor, now covered with blood; one had human intestines draped over her shoulder. "You cloned the bitch! You cloned the crazy bitch! Are you out of your fucking mind?!" He was Anna's drill sergeant, and saw the young woman go berserk after a male trainee groped her; the scene still haunted him four years later.
"No, I'm merely fighting fire with fire," Vader stated.
"Come, Princesses." Kyo put his arms around two clonetroopers, who giggled at the attention. "Let's have some fun." The Sprite, the Toon, and the clonetroopers marched into the Green Zone, leaving behind the shocked MPs.
Anna's left hand covered her nose. "Ah-choo!"
"Are you well, Milady?" Alucard-- a vampire who served the Hellsing Organization and hunted other vampires-- asked.
Anna blushed. "Yes, thank you." 'Is someone talking about me?'
The waitress, a Toon vampire, handed them menus. "What would you like to drink, Milord,"-- she bowed to Alucard-- "and Lady?" She bowed to Anna.
"The Klingon blood wine is good," Alucard recommended.
"No alcohol, please. Nothing good happens when I'm drunk," Anna claimed.
"Nothing good happens to your enemies, but,"-- the vampire smiled, baring his fangs-- "you enjoy the release, yes? The power flowing through your blood vessels when you're free from inhibitions, free to be what you are." Alucard laughed when Anna blushed, silently admitting he was right.
The Sailor Senshi, wearing realsuits, sat at a nearby table-- four half-kneeling skeletons, their lacquered hands raised to support a glass plane-- to spy on the couple. Makoto squirmed, uncomfortable despite the soft cushions wrapped in red leather; her chair looked like it was made of human bones. "Is this a real human skull?"
"Don't ask." Rei hid her own discomfort.
"I wish she'd ask us to evaluate her admirers before she dates them," Usagi whispered. 'How can the manager,' of the Transylvania Restaurant, 'expect customers to keep their appetites?' she wondered, glancing at the impaled skeletons whose ribcages held red lights.
Venus admired Alucard's yellow-tinted sunglasses and blood-red trench coat. "At least he's a sharp dresser."
> 99 <
AIC created 'Bubblegum Crisis', 'Burn Up', and 'Tenchi Muyo!', and animated 'Oh My Goddess!' based on Fujishima Kosuke's manga.
Bee Train created 'Noir'.
Bungie created 'Halo'.
Gainax created 'Evangelion'.
GONZO animated 'Hellsing' based on Hirano Kohta's manga.
Hasbro and Takara created 'G.I. Joe' and 'Transformers'.
Haneda Kentarou and Asa Akane wrote "SHAO PAI LON."
Iijima Mari played Lynn Minmay.
Kawamori Shoji designed the VF-1 Valkyrie.
George Lucas, Lucasfilm, and Lucasarts created 'Star Wars'.
Matsumoto Leiji designed the Great Yamato.
Pearson Mui created Andrew Mays and his friends.
Oriental Light and Magic animated 'Gunsmith Cats' based on Sonoda Kenichi's manga.
Sega created 'Sakura Wars'.
Seo Mitsuyo directed 'Momotaro's Sea Eagles' and 'Momotaro: the Sea's Divine Soldiers' for the IJN in 1943 and 1945, respectively.
Sidewinder created Anna Mason and her friends.
Studio DEEN animated 'Rurouni Kenshin' based on Watsuki Nobuhiro's manga, 'Samurai Deeper Kyo' based on Kamijiyo Akimine's manga, and 'You're Under Arrest' based on Fujishima Kosuke's manga.
Sunrise animated 'City Hunter' based on Hojo Tsukasa's manga, 'Gundam' based on Tomino Yoshiyuki's ideas, and 'Silent Service' based on Kawaguchi Kaiji's manga.
Toei animated 'Crying Freeman' based on Ikegami Ryoichi and Koike Kazuo's manga, and 'Sailor Moon' based on Takeuchi Naoko's manga.
Yuuki Masami and Headgear created 'Patlabor'.