Trigun Fan Fiction / Vision Of Escaflowne Fan Fiction ❯ D/Chick and County One-Shots ❯ BBQ: Beautiful Bishonen Qualms ( Chapter 4 )

B.B.Q. : Beautiful Bishonen Qualms

-A D/Chick and County One-Shot Rant-

D/Chick: (Waving good-bye to the builder men) Thanks, boys!!

County: Good. They're gone. That one guy who slapped me on the butt kinda creeped me out (Shivers)

D/Chick: (Tugs on County's cheek) Aww, but that's because you're so cute!!

County: (Shoves her hand away and blushes, crossing his arms across his chest in a pouty manner) Right, whatever!!

D/Chick: Well, anyways… (Turns to the camera) Hey there folks!! While the boys were at the hospital healing and such, I got some beefy guys to repair the One-Shot house!! The boys are back and better than ever, the house looks, err, sort of like new, and everything is SWELL!!

County: I gave her the money to repair the house…believe me, it cost a lot…(Turns to D/Chick) you mentioned that there was leftover money…where is it?

D/Chick: …

County: Well?

D/Chick: …I spent it…

County: (Taken aback) WHA!? How much!!

D/Chick: It's not like it's a big deal!! I spent it on refurnishing the house!!

County: (-_-) What, did you buy a lava lamp? Light-up blinds? Self-heating carpet?

D/Chick: Well…I bought a small sofa…and a grill. It's propane!

County: Oh, gee, since we're going to be grilling so much…(-_-)

D/Chick: Who says we aren't!? Hey…I got an idea!! (Light bulb flashes) I know it!! I know it!! We'll throw a BARBEQUE!! And we'll invite my bishonen!! (Claps hands together gleefully) Ohh, it'll be great!!

County: (Turns away with hands over his mouth) I don't know if it's the thought of your cooking or being suffocated by your annoying bishonen that makes me sick…

D/Chick: It'll be fun!! It'll be fun!! (Slaps County heartily on the back)

County: (Turns green and runs inside to the bathroom)

D/Chick: Uhm, oops ^^; guess I'll start calling all the boys!!

* List of Bishonen coming: Folken and Wolfwood, of course, Vash, Rioroute and Gareas (Pilot Candidate), Zell and Squall (FF8), Van (Escaflowne-Folken's little bro, duh!), Sirius (Sorcerer Hunters-the manga, anyways), and INSTRUCTOR!! *cough* I , uhh, mean, Azuma Hijikata…y'know the guy with the tight pants?? ^^; teehee…(He's from p/c too)

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D/Chick: (Peeking out the kitchen window into the backyard) AWRIGHT, EVERYONE'S HERE!!

Meryl: (Stirring something in a pot) Really? Good! Because the cooking's almost done.

Millie: (Checking on something in the oven) Yep!

D/Chick: BTW, thanks for helping me out you two…good thing Vash knows how to grill, `cause I'm clueless when it comes to that!!

Meryl: (Looks at the concoction D/Chick is stirring in her pot) It seems that you're clueless when it comes to cooking entirely…

D/Chick: (-_-)

*In the Backyard*

Rioroute: (Sitting on a bench by the table, Gareas and a few of the other guys around him) Man, I am SO hungry…

Gareas: (Nudges Rioroute) Yeah, me too…but I'm hungry for somethin' else (Licks his lips as he slowly looks up and down Rioroute's body)

Rioroute: You mean you don't like Barbeque?

Gareas: (Gives Rioroute an annoyed look) God you're dense…

D/Chick: (Slams the backdoor open, wearing an apron with a picture of Rioroute's face on it with the letter "I" above it and a big red heart below it, carrying her pot of…barbeque concoction ^^;) Hey boys, the cooking's done inside!!

Vash: (Standing at the grill) …And the burgers and `dogs are almost finished too!!

Zell: Awright!!

Meryl: (Sets down a platter of corn)

Bishonen: (Whistle)

Millie: (Sets a dish of brisket down)

Bishonen: (Lick their lips)

D/Chick: (Sets down her…barbeque concoction ^^;)

Bishonen: …

Wolfwood: (Leans over) What the hell is that?

D/Chick: Beans. It's a secret recipe!!

Wolfwood: I think you should've kept it secret…

D/Chick: (Hmphs as she puts her hands on her hips) Gee, thanks…

Rioroute: (Picks up a spoonful of it, and observes. Tilts the spoon. It plips back into the bowl as thin as broth) It is looking pretty sad…hey, nice apron!! (Grins)

D/Chick: (-_-) Yeah, you would think so…(Takes the bowl of "beans" and throws it at Rioroute, the soupy stuff covering him) …JERK!!

Rioroute: ACK! (Flails arms wildly)

D/Chick: (Points finger accusingly at Wolfwood) The same goes for you too!! (Turns on her heel and stomps back into the house, back hunched and fists balled)

Bishonen: …

County: (Sitting at the end, helping himself to a piled plate of barbeque with a napkin tucked into the front of his shirt, laughing hysterically) AH HA HA HA HAAAAAAA!!! At least she didn't force anyone to eat it!! You would've dropped dead by tomorrow FOR SURE!! AH HA HA HA HAAAAAAAA!!!

Rioroute: (picking at his shirt gingerly) Jeez, now I need a bath!!

Gareas: I can help!!

Squall: Now that's just weird.

Rioroute: No, I'm good…County, can I borrow the bath?

County: (Looks up from stuffing his face) Huh? Oh, sure. First door to the left.

Van: (Sitting next to Gareas) … (Grabs his arm to keep him in his spot, just in case)

Gareas: Jeez, I'm not that dumb…(Wrenches his arm away and stands up)

County: (Chewing on a mouthful of sausage) Where y'goin?

Gareas: Uhm, the bathroom?

D/Chick: (Slams the door open violently, grazing Gareas's nose) STAY AWAY FOM RIOROUTE. HE'S MINE, DAMMIT!! (Slams the door shut)

Vash: (Whistles) My, what violent emotion!

*In the Bathroom*

Rioroute: (Looks at the pink walls in disgust) I really hope D/Chick didn't decorate this…(Pulls his shirt off over his head) Whatever…(Starts untying his headband when he hears a whirring sound) Huh?

*In the Living Room*

D/Chick: (Staring at the T.V. set, drooling) I knew this camera dealy would come in handy…

*Bathroom*

Rioroute: (Furrows his brows and looks around) Uhhh, hello? (Looks up in the ceiling corner, seeing a rather large camera)

*Living Room*

D/Chick: (Giggling) …Huh…? (Notices Rioroute looking around the bathroom)

*Bathroom*

Rioroute: (Narrows his eyes while staring straight at the camera) D/Chick, just what are you doing?

*Living Room*

D/Chick: Oh shit!! (Slaps the power button on the T.V. nervously) I knew I should've bought the smaller camera set!! IF ONLY THE BUILDER MEN DIDN'T CHARGE SO MUCH!! (Running out the room in a flash)

Rioroute: (Slams the door open and starts running after D/Chick) WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU DOING!?!? ARE "BEAN"-COVERED MEN REALLY THAT ATTRACTIVE!?!? YOU THREW THOSE BEANS ON ME ON PURPOSE, DIDN'T YOU!?!?!

D/Chick: BUT YOU'RE SO DAMN CUTE!!! (Still running)

Rioroute: YOU'RE AS BAD AS GAREAS!!!

D/Chick: (Bursts out the backdoor, all the bishonen feasting) MERCY!! MERCY!! THE "BEANS" DROVE RIOROUTE CRAZY!! (Runs around in circles)

Rioroute: NO, SHE WAS SNOOPING ON ME!! ARGGGGG!!

D/Chick: (Smirks)

Rioroute: ARGGGGGGGGGGGGGG-Oof! (Slams into the fence)

County: (Starts cracking up and pointing)

Instructor: (Observes mildly) He is the clumsy stupid one (Starts posing in his Instructor Pants absentmindedly)

Sirius: …Is he ok? (Looks worried at Rioroute's contorted and unconscious form)

Van: (Crosses his arms and glares at Sirius's huge wings, ignoring his comment)

…Mine are bigger…

Folken: (^^;) Y'know, brother, that almost sounds wrong.

D/Chick: (Standing over Rioroute's body triumphantly, hands on hips and laughing insanely) BA HA HAAA!! FOOL!!

Zell: (Stuffing his face with a hot dog) Wow, these are good!! What kind are they, Vash?

Vash: Tofu dogs!

Zell: O_O

Wolfwood: How come Gareas hasn't rushed over to Rioroute's side and cooed over him yet? (Observes Rioroute's limp body dryly)

Folken: (Shrugs) Beats me.

El Fin ^^; -

D/Chick: (In the backyard, dragging a large black trash bag in one hand and picking up corn bobs with the other) Hey folks…(Wipes forehead with the back of her hand) Those bishonen sure are pigs…they're messy AND rude. (-_-)

County: (Observing D/Chick huffing and puffing, not helping at all) Well, snooping on Rioroute was pretty perverted, y'know.

D/Chick: -__- shut up.

County: By the way, DID you throw the beans on Rioroute on purpose?

D/Chick: No, I did that out of anger. Even if I didn't drench him in it, I still would've used the camera…I bought it just for the party (Sighs)

County: Yeah, the camera set that you bought with MY money…

D/Chick: Ohh, don't get your boxers in a twist, County Boy…now, YOU'RE going to clean up the rest of this place, considering that you ate all the food. (Tosses County the trash bag) And I'M going to leave this stinky place and go to my lovely air-conditioned home!! (Sparkly peace sign with wink) Well, folks, guess I'll see you in the next One-Shot!! (Poofs into the air, disappearing)

County: (Chasing after her, waving the Zell plushy in the air) Wait, you forgot your…(Stops mid-stride, and grins evilly as he brings the Zell plushy to his face) Oh ho ho, perfect…(Throws his head back) BA HA HA HA HAAA!!! INGENIUS!!

*At the Local McDonalds…*

County: (Grins) This is so great!! I can't wait to see the look on her face!!

Zell Plushy: (Tied to a string on the McDonald's flag pole, waving around under the U.S. flag)

County: (Starts walking away with his hands in his pockets, still laughing insanely…)

EL Fin ^^; -