Trigun Fan Fiction ❯ Midvalley's Serenade ❯ Fear and Loathing ( Chapter 35 )

Fear and Loathing

When my self-disgust was at its greatest, I found myself making up excuses for behavior and even practicing lies in front of the bathroom mirror while I shaved.

There were so many things that I didn't want to tell Nick but there were some things that I couldn't hide from him.

The violence of the sex with Legato had thrilled me. To think I'd accused E.G. Mine of being a sick fuck! Sure he'd drawn lots with Zazie for the privilege of killing Dominique, a woman he'd lusted after. But even though I 'm no stranger to odd sexual quirks and fetishes being raised in a whorehouse as I was, I was ashamed of what I'd done to Legato, even though he seemed to enjoy it. I began to wonder if Knives having sex with me was part of some strange foreplay with Legato.

I couldn't say for sure what went on between the two, but I could see that a steady diet of Knives' company had scarred Legato.

I had a few scars of my own and sighed out loud when I thought about it and a feeling of sadness and vulnerability ran through me.

I could tell Nick I was raped and leave out the details. I could tell him that I was sick afterward, and that was the truth. My face was haggard enough. I'm sure Nick would believe me. But if he wanted to know details, I didn't think that I could bring myself to talk about it.

Now I had the added complication of Legato to deal with. I really hadn't been thinking clearly when I'd had sex with him. I was driven by appetite, and had basically just followed my instincts like the promiscuous slut I'd always been until I fell in love with Nick. One little lapse of memory and I go back to doing what comes naturally. What had Nick said about me? Just because it has legs and a hole, you don't have to fuck it. I'd been upset at the insult, but have to admit that he'd had it right.

And now Legato wanted to go out to the White Cat Saloon…just the two of us, he'd said. How cozy! But what if Nick showed up. He might arrive on the afternoon sandsteamer, and the saloon would be one of the first places he'd look for me, and if I'm with Legato, then what? Well, he knew that I was assigned to be Legato's assistant, and that's what he'd think. I could just not say anything and Nick could assume that we were there on business, or whatever he wanted.

That would work fine if Legato kept his hands off me, but there were no guarantees of that. Legato seemed to want my friendship. But of course, he also wanted more than that.

Nick was due in anytime. It depended on what steamer he took back. What had the letter said? I couldn't remember exactly. Was I still missing a few screws? I walked back with the lather still on my face to reread the letter. "The next sandsteamer" it said then I realized something.

"He's probably here already," I said to myself. I wondered if he brought along his motorcycle. What if he showed up while I was out at the White Cat with Legato. What if Legato were to kiss me and Nick saw? I felt sick to my stomach at the visualization and couldn't imagine a plausible lie that would cover that situation.

What could I say? He was just taking my temperature with his tongue and found out I was hot! Haha, real funny, Midvalley. God! Not that old joke. No, it wasn't funny. It was pathetic the way I seemed to be grasping at straws to hide my shame.

I was worried that I'd lose my lover. The dialog was improbable but affection from Legato was a distinct possibility. Suddenly I didn't want to go at all.

Maybe I would just skip going to the saloon , stay in my room and play Silvia. But what lie could I possibly tell Legato? Sorry, I'm not feeling very well? He'll know through the link that I'm lying, And it wouldn't surprise me in the slightest if he were to say, "No, problem, Hornfreak. Why don't we just stay inside and fuck some more? You'll feel so much better…" I found myself imitating Legato's suave voice. What if Nick walked in on that? I started to panic. I was driving myself crazy.

Then I had another thought that made me happy, and suddenly I didn't care about the rest. Nick was coming to see me and I could hardly wait. If Legato wanted more fun and games, I'd just say no.

I just couldn't stand the idea of lying to Nick so, I finally figured out that I'd just tell him the truth if he asked. I walked back into the bathroom to continue my shave and could look at the face I saw in the mirror with some complacency.

My thoughts of Nick left me with a good feeling and I reached out for him through my link and found Legato instead, to my surprise.

"Getting ready for our evening out?" his voice purred in my head.

I backed out of the link , but he didn't pursue the contact which relieved me. Still he must have known what was going on in my mind.

I wonder what Legato thought about us. I respected him and was grateful, hell, I even felt for the difficulty of his life, but I was not in love with him. I was in love with Nick and no matter how badly I had screwed up, I held out hope that Nick wouldn't hold it against me.

Legato probably already knew about the letters Nicholas sent me. Evergreen had delivered them to me and Chapel the Evergreen held nothing back from Legato. The Evergreen and Legato probably even knew which sandsteamer Nick came in on and where he was staying.

I looked through my closet for a suit to wear. I found one that I hadn't worn for quite a while. It was double-breasted made out of purple sharkskin fabric with brass buttons that matched Silvia's shade. I thought fondly of Silvia as I pulled on a pale lavender shirt. I'd gotten so slender from my illness, it was loose on me. I left the collar open at the throat. The scar on my neck had faded so much that I really had to look closely to see where the cut from the razor had been. I pulled on socks and fastened my wingtips.

My thoughts were all of Nick, but I felt Legato reaching through the link. I'm sure he knew what I was thinking and feeling so I picked up Silvia, put in one of the reeds I had soaked and softly played.

I was out of practice, so it felt particularly good to hold her in my arms and lose myself in the sound of her. I didn't know until then how much I'd missed her. Even though I hadn't played for so long, some of the songs were so familiar to me that my muscles remembered the fingering even though my mind had forgotten the titles of the pieces. Eventually I started hitting the notes the way I intended. I fell into a trance as I followed the flow of the notes and lost track of time until a knock on the door pulled me back to reality.

It was Legato.

"I heard your playing when I was walking outside the building. It felt good to hear your music again," he said.

"Thanks," I replied.

"I see you're all dressed up," he said.

"Uh, about tonight…" I began. I wanted to tell him that I didn't want to go because I was expecting a visit from Nick, but he didn't give me the chance.

"That's why I'm here," he interjected smoothly.

I was confused and I looked at him with a question in my eyes.

"I'm afraid we'll have to cancel our plans," he said by way of explanation.

I was quite relieved when he said that, but also a bit curious, "Why?" I asked.

"The Master requires our presence at the mansion this evening."

I don't know how I maintained my outward composure when he said that, but I'm sure Legato knew it was only a façade and sensed the sheer animal panic that lay beneath the surface.

"He is healed, isn't he, Legato?" I asked. A positive response would do a lot to ease my worried mind.

"Yes, I would say that Master Knives is at 100%," he informed me.

"So it's a business meeting then?" I asked for confirmation.

Legato seemed distracted and did not answer. I wished that he looked more at ease. Then he reached up and touched the back of my neck. A shock went through me at his touch. He slid his hand slowly down the lapel of my jacket.

"I remember this suit from years ago," he said as his hands slid back up my chest and fingered the collar. "It always looked good on you. It shows off your broad shoulders and that slender waist."

I didn't want to thank him for the compliment on my physical appearance. With the thought of Nick arriving soon, I didn't want Legato thinking about my body at all, and I surely didn't want to comment on his. I couldn't help noticing though when I was with him that morning, that despite the scars that marred his skin, Legato's body was well-knit and beautifully formed.

"Thanks for the compliment," he said with a faint smile, though I'd said nothing out loud.

I thought of something to change the subject.

"I wanted to thank you, Legato, for saving my life," I said.

"I hope you still feel that way, after tonight," he said in a way that set my nerves on edge. I couldn't tell what he was getting at or if he was only joking, but I got a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach.

I waited for an explanation, but the next thing he said was, "We should go, the Master is expecting us."

Legato's behavior was too cryptic for me to interpret. Though I shared an empathic link with the man and generally picked up on his pain and lonely feelings, he was better able to hide his deeper emotions than I was, or he had ice water in his veins.

I tried to sense a little deeper. There was something in the way he held his body, that made me think that he was sad.

"You could take Silvia with you," Legato told me. "There may be a bit of a wait and perhaps we could still go out to the saloon later."

Master Knives mansion looked eerie by moonlight. It was tended at this hour by a number of Leonof's puppets. One of them guided us to a dimly lit room outside Knives' master suite. I took Silvia out of her case and began to play her softly. Legato seemed glad of the distraction. I know I was.

We must have waited nearly an hour. Then abruptly, the door of the suite opened and Knives stuck his head out, saw us in the shadows, said, "You," and he gestured at Legato.

Knives held open the door while Legato made his way across the room and through the open door and then with an unreadable glance at me, Knives closed the door after him.

I didn't want to think what might be going on in that room. I hoped for the best of course, but when anxiety began to get the best of me, I started to play Silvia again. My feelings took me into a minor key and I couldn't seem to keep the memories of my rape at bay. As I played , the air began to thicken and the crystals in the chandelier began to tinkle and windows in the room began to tremble in their frames. I somehow recalled who and where I was and managed to stop myself short of blowing the place up.

Master Knives opened the door to his room and beckoned me with a brusque wave of the hand.

I walked into a room as shadowy as the one I had left and as my eyes had grown accustomed to the darkness, I saw instantly that Master Knives had other guests.

Grey Nine-lives stood in a corner. His head nearly brushed the room's high ceiling.

Hoppered the Gauntlet was on the floor off to the left of where I stood. I could have reached out and touched him. He gave me a glance and a nod, "Hornfreak," he murmured in greeting.

Leonof and Chapel the Evergreen were seated side by side on a loveseat silently watching my entrance.

I saw the small figure of Zazie the Beast standing by the room's French windows watching fireflies outside wink on and off. So he was there as well. Someone was missing, I thought and then it came to me and I looked for the quietest of the Gung-ho-guns. I finally spied Caine standing still as a statue almost invisible against the wall. She made no move to acknowledge me.

Legato was standing by Knives, watching him attentively. The Master sat a small circular table sipping a glass of red wine. He was dressed in a two piece suit of white leather with his hair impeccably groomed his eyes brilliant even in the dim light of a chandelier's glow. My heart skipped a beat when I looked at him. I finally saw the charismatic spark in him that my father had found so compelling. It seemed that Knives needed a bigger audience to bring out his showmanship.

His first words to me as I entered were, "I'm pleased that you thought better of blowing up my mansion."

I chuckled low and noted that the casual humor with which he'd spoken the phrase lightened the mood of the somber group in the room. I heard some nervous laughter from Zazie and even the Evergreen and Leonof obliged with thin smiles.

So this was how Knives acted as a leader of men…and women I thought, as I recalled Caine's presence.

Knives cocked an eyebrow at my laughter and then raised his voice an addressed us all.

"The purpose of this meeting is to inspire you," he said.

I must admit that none of us looked or felt inspired at that moment. In fact it would have been harder to find a more dispirited group and I think that Master Knives realized that.

He raised his voice to a more strident note saying, "I expressed a desire that my brother be found some months ago, but somehow get the sense that my wishes are not being taken seriously…"

He paused.

No one wanted his anger so I could see the others making themselves as inconspicuous as possible.

Knives continued,"…but since I have also done my best to find him and did not succeed, I suppose that I cannot fault you for your failure at this time."

I sensed that there was a perceptible relief in all of us at this announcement.

"Still," he went on, "With so many informants in my pay and the mayors of so many towns in my pocket, I find that this continuing failure surprises me and has come to annoy me." His exasperation showed in the harshness of his tone.

"I believe you all know that it's best that my annoyance is kept to a minimum, wouldn't you agree?" he said with a bland tone that held an undercurrent of menace.

Whatever sense of relief we'd felt dried up.

"I want action on this," demanded Knives. "To this end, I am taking some extraordinary steps. I am closing the academy because I want you all working on this. There will be no need for administrators or guest instructors with the shut down. I want an all-out effort to find my brother.

He turned to the Puppetmaster.

"Leonof," he said, "I want you to marshal every puppet you have. I want one in every town programmed to recognize Vash the Stampede on sight. Fit them with transmitters. I want daily reports on their progress. Grey Nine-Lives will assist you on this. You will work alternating shifts. I want around the clock surveillance until my brother is found.

"As you wish, Master," said Leonof meekly. The old man was all respect.

"Evergreen," said Knives and the priest raised his red eyes to face him, "since you run the network of religious informants, if my brother steps into a church, a hospital, orphanage and wherever else you have agents in place, I want to know about it. I want daily reports if he has been seen or not. Is that clear?"

"I see what you want," said the Evergreen.

Then he addressed us all.

"I expect you to circulate my brother's picture to all your informants. I have also had some pictures made up to show how he might appear in various disguises with facial hair, dark glasses, a different hairstyle, and less flamboyant clothing. I'm sure when he's found, he won't be wearing a red coat."

I nodded at this. I suspected the same. Vash the Stampede was laying so low, he appeared to have dropped off the planet.

"Zazie the Beast," said Master Knives, and the boy turned from the windows to face him.

"I want you to contact the hive mind and relay the results to me daily. Furthermore, my brother has an inexplicable fondness for children. I want you to start traveling. I expect you to come up with some respectable leads from your contact with the hive mind and your fellow agents. Infiltrate yourself into the lives of the kids on the street. Join bands of homeless children. Show my brother's picture around. Tell them he's your father and you've got to find him. I want daily progress reports."

"Yes, sir," said Zazie.

"Hoppered," Knives announced next as he looked down at the misshapen form of the Gauntlet, "Your responsibility is transportation. If a person resembling my brother takes a sandsteamer, a bus, rents a vehicle or a tomas, I want that information. Understood?"

Hoppered twisted his head up and responded, "Yes, sir, I understand."

Then Knives fixed his intense blue eyes on me.

"Midvalley the Hornfreak," he said, "I want you to use your contacts in the music world, taverns, bars, saloons and night clubs. If my brother starts hanging out in such places getting drunk and disorderly, I want to know. He drinks to excess and has a history of frequenting such places. It's very likely that when he surfaces again, that that's just the kind of place he might be found. Traveling musicians are well-placed to get the kind of information I need. I expect you to share all the information from the informant cells that you met through Mr. McCoy . I expect daily reports on their activities from you."

"Agreed," I said, "but I have a question," I said. "Do you want your brother found alive or dead? I'd like to point out that he does have a sixty billion double dollar bounty on his head. With us circulating so many pictures, what if someone decides they want to collect. That much money could turn the head of a lot of our informants, but I'm assuming that since you want him found so badly, you want him alive, no?"

"You seem to have a genius for stating the obvious, Hornfreak, but yes, I want my brother alive. I expect you all to make it clear to your contacts that if they try to collect the bounty, they will die in horrible pain. If they cooperate, they will be well rewarded. I think that you are very well aware of the degree of pain that I can inflict," he said and stared at me with a predatory look until I dropped my eyes.

"After my brother is found," Knives went on, " I have already hand-picked an individual who will protect him and guide him back to me."

I wondered if he meant Nicholas or Legato.

"But of course my brother has to be found first," the Master said with obvious sarcasm and then turned his attention to Legato.

"Legato Bluesummers," he said, "you have made a study of my brother. Perhaps you understand him even better than I do. I need you to bend your efforts to beating the bushes for him and flushing him out. You know best how to work on him. Mass murder, mayhem, crucifixions, public executions--you know how to get his attention. Make sure whatever you do gets splashy headlines."

"Of course, Master. I shall keep your words in the forefront of my mind," murmured Legato.

"Caine?" asked Knives.

"Yes, sir?" came the soft voice from the wall.

"You will continue undercover at the Bernadelli agency and send weekly reports on the activities of the two agents who were assigned to keep tabs on my brother. If they attempt to contact my brother, I want to know about it immediately.

"Yes, sir," said Caine.

"Good," said Knives. "Any questions or comments?"

The room was silent.

"No? Then a little matter of protocol. Legato is my personal aide and will have access to your daily reports. The Hornfreak will assist him and also monitor reports daily. He is next in the chain of command. If for any reason you cannot contact Legato or me, you will make your reports to the Hornfreak."

I was surprised that he had given me such a vote of confidence.

"You're dismissed," he told us.

I turned at once to leave. As interesting as the meeting had been, I had hopes of seeing Nick before the evening was over, but Knives stopped me in my tracks.

"Stick around, Hornfreak. What's your hurry."

I turned around and noted the other Gung-ho Guns sidling inconspicuously through the door. I could tell that they were glad not to be me.

"Legato was telling me about your plans for the evening. I hope you don't mind," said Knives with a mocking tone, "but I invited myself along. You have no objections, do you?"

I realized that it wouldn't do me any good if I had any, so I said, "No."

Master Knives laughed, "Legato's been right about everything he told me about you."

I didn't know what Knives was referring to, but I felt enough negativity in the emotions through the link we had established between us to feel uneasy at his laugher.

He threw open the doors, smiled broadly and invited Legato and me to follow him, "Let's go!"

To be continued.