Trigun Fan Fiction ❯ Midvalley's Serenade ❯ The Eye of the Storm ( Chapter 38 )

The Eye of the Storm

The next morning I felt like a fool for the secret prayer I had whispered in my heart. To say that I doubted it would bring results was to understate the matter. The only hope I held out was that Knives just might make good on the quasi-promise he dangled that he'd "partner me with the priest" if I managed to find his brother. I doubted that I would ever win Master Millions' favor, but the possibility that I might be partnered with Nick again stimulated me to achieve.

To that end, I buried myself in work. I thought that my best bet for finding the Humanoid Typhoon was to analyze the data from all reports and then direct the efforts of the Mouth of Gabriel agents with the information I gleaned.

I made sure each of the agents was equipped with photos and drawings of Vash the Stampede and his identifying characteristics. I was rather shocked at some of the pictures supplied by Knives of his brother. These appeared to be taken from medical files. Even though I had no fondness for the man who'd destroyed two of the seven great cities, still I was sickened to see the extensive scar tissue that covered Vash's body.

I stayed out of Master Knives way as much as possible and was generally up before first sunrise and in my office at headquarters wading through reports while I sipped my first cup of morning coffee.

Though I longed for concise briefings like Nick's, most of the reports were lengthy and uninformative. I was never so bored in my life, but bored or not I had to read them all carefully on the off chance that some overlooked data might hold a clue to the Stampede's whereabouts. After analyzing reports all day, I found that I also analyzed them in my sleep.

Sometimes, after reviewing a succession of absolutely worthless files, my mind rebelled and I found myself daydreaming about Nick. I missed him to the point of pain and the prospect that I might never see him again was as devastating as the loss of my bandmates.

I never realized until I'd lost it, just how much making music with others enriched my life. On the few occasions that I'd gone into town to one of the taverns to hear some music and asked to sit in , my request was turned down point-blank. The reports of the slaughter at the White Cat Saloon coupled with the previous rumors that held me responsible for Skip Walker's death added up to one thing. No one wanted to jam with the Hornfreak.

I followed my father's advice and when I was in my apartment, I played with my eyes open. When I felt the need to cut loose completely, I drove out to the weapon's range and blew shit up with Silvia. I also used the privacy of my link with Silvia to think of things that I dared not contemplate otherwise.

Knives still had abusive, violent sex with Legato and as my link to Legato was still very strong, my only recourse to damp down the pain I felt was to get drunk enough to pass out.

This was my life for several months. Work, Silvia, and hundred proof whisky.

But there was so much work to do that I didn't have all that much time to play Silvia and after more than a few bouts of drunkenness, I had no stomach for the hangovers that interfered with my ability to concentrate the following day.

I've heard it said that nature abhors a vacuum. Well, there was an empty space in my life where Nick and my music had been and against my will, Legato was starting to fill it.

During my waking hours, I was almost constantly in Legato's company. His scent was in my nose, his velvet voice in my ears, his hands on my arm or my back as he leaned in over my shoulder to skim a report.

"Keep your hands off, me," I told him coldly the first few times it happened.

"As you wish," he said calmly as if he'd done nothing to upset me.

But as months went by and being in each other's company became routine, the touching began again. At first I'd been able to ignore it, but having gone for months without an outlet for my sexual tension, I was beginning to feel as horny as hell and much as I hated to admit it, I was starting to get turned on. It was after just such a day that I found myself out at the weapons range with my lips on Silvia's reed playing out my frustration and one of the biggest causes of it---Legato Bluesummers.

I took my lips off the mouthpiece and sighed when I thought about Legato. Even after I learned that he was responsible for my rape, still I cleaned him up and gave him healing every time Knives violated him. I knew my touches turned him even though I didn't intend it. I knew he wanted sex with me. He could let himself feel pleasure when he was with me and he couldn't with Knives.

It was a measure of how sexually frustrated I was that I was entertaining thoughts like these at all.

"God, Midvalley, you're hopeless," I said to myself. "Do you really want to have sex with a man who hired men to rape you?"

A voice in my head told me, "Well, it's better than nothing."

Another voice said "You'll hate yourself for it when you see Nick again."

"But what if you don't?"

"You have to stay positive. You'll see him again."

"I'm going crazy!" I bellowed at the top of my lungs into the silence of the empty desert.

A few minutes later, I sighed with resignation. The voices in my head had stopped arguing but nothing had changed. I still missed Nick and I was still horny.

If I was going to stay faithful to Nick, it was going to take a miracle. I had to find Vash the Stampede, and soon.

I thought what a curse my empathy was. I hadn't been able to link with Nicholas for months, because I was always in Legato's vicinity, picking up on his strongly broadcasted aura. The link with Nick had brought me pleasure, but the link to Legato was something else again.

Knives' need for healing was long since past, but he continued to exploit Legato and seemed to go out of his way to inflict maximum pain on his willing victim. It was clear that Master Knives had a bone to pick with the human race and through Legato he got vicarious revenge.

And every unhappy, unworthy, miserable feeling that Legato had, I was forced to share because of my empathy. Thoughts of him circulated through my brain like a slow-acting poison. Much as I wanted to hate him, I found I couldn't. I felt too much compassion for his suffering.

I suppose that was one reason that I offered him healing to ease the pain I felt empathically-- the other was to keep him functional enough that Knives wasn't tempted to use me again.

Such were my thoughts as I played Silvia at the deserted weapons range. When I came to the end of the moody piece I improvised, I walked for a while through a complex of buildings and onto the firing range. I found I had ended up by the small storage shack where I had given Legato his first sexual experience so many years ago.

I unlatched the door and pushed into the room. It was almost exactly as I remembered it, the sandbags, the silhouette targets and the dancing golden dust motes. I set Silvia aside gently and groaned as I sat down and opened my fly. I wanted release from the feelings that wore me down.

I had a bottle of suncream with me and slicked my shaft with the fluid. I remembered how good Nick made me feel as I stroked myself and imagined his kisses turning me on. I closed my eyes and sighed as I brought to mind his lips on mine, arms around me, his hard thrusting… "Oh, God, Nick," I groaned, "that feels so good. I gasped as the spasm came and I arched, while the semen spurted and my heart raced.

Just a moment later I felt Legato's languid moan of pleasure in my mind and I sighed in irritation. Milking the link for all it was worth, I thought acidly, just like the voyeur he was. Was I never to have any privacy? I was angry and frustrated again.

Though I'd wanted to think only of Nick, Legato interfered and ruined the moment. I fastened my pants, picked up Silvia, went outside and played again, determined to banish the intruder from my mind, but when the flow of music stopped, thoughts of Legato returned.

His involvement in my rape at the White Cat was a puzzle I felt compelled to solve.

Knives took pleasure in accusing Legato that evening. What had he hoped to gain from exposing Legato's actions? That was a piece of the puzzle.

Legato got me into the academy on the strength of the psychic talent I showed when I killed Big Bill McFarlane. Chapel the Evergreen was impressed with the story Legato told him. He was less impressed that I cried myself to sleep every night for a month and showed no sign of the talent afterwards. I used my horn only to ease my painful memories. Without that outlet, I think I might have killed myself.

And I was lonely. I was grateful to Legato, but his psychic abilities frightened me, so I kept my distance from the boy the other students called the blue-haired freak.

I eventually settled into the routine at the school. I studied strategy and tactics and practiced with shotguns, pistols, rifles, machine guns. I was never the best, but I was more than adequate. After three years of training, I stood second only to Legato in the areas of intelligence analysis and strategy and tactics. Out on the weapons range Chapel Junior left us all in the dust.

But despite my best efforts to do well at the school, I'd have to say, that Chapel the Evergreen was not pleased with my progress. He acted like I was a disappointment to him. It occurred to me now, that my situation at the time was a little like Zazie the Beast's when he wasn't allowed to graduate.

Connecting the two situations--Zazie's and mine gave me an uneasy feeling. Knives had been disappointed in Zazie's progress, concerned he lacked the killer instinct. Had Knives been disappointed in my progress?

All I had to do was follow the trail of evidence and my gut said, yes. Another piece of the puzzle fit into place.

I brought the reed to my lips took a deep breath and played a wild string of notes that blew up an observation tower on the range.

I was as certain of it as I was of Nick's love for me and blew a cacophonous solo of shrieks from Silvia.

Oh, Legato hired the men who raped me I thought as Silvia wailed, but I had absolutely no doubt now that he had done it on orders from Master Knives.

Silvia screamed and I blew up a bunker. Legato was just the middle man for the dirty work. Just like I signed the order that ended Dominique's life, and that's why Legato shook his head, no.

Knives had wanted to know that I still had the killer instinct, figured the rape would anger me and his plan succeeded brilliantly.

I kicked up a windstorm with the glissando I played next.

When I had found the men who raped me, I blew them away with all the pain and violence that Silvia and I could command.

Now storm clouds formed as I played and a thunderhead mushroomed and lightning flashed from it.

So Knives was responsible!

Silvia shrieked more frenzied high notes and thunder crashed and rolled.

Knives might have found another way to get me to show the killer instinct, but he had another motive and I knew what it was.

I grew angrier and Silvia's sonic blast caused a bolt of lightning to sizzle from the sky.

Knives would never admit that he was angered by Legato's attraction to me. He was jealous!

Another thunderclap sounded.

Nick and I were caught in the middle of a jealous lover's game, God help us, and our chances of surviving it were next to nothing.

I took my lips off the reed, gave into dark despair and rain began to fall. I would have wept at the hopelessness of it all, but still my first thought was for Silvia and I sought shelter back in the storage shack where I'd made love to Legato.

I pillowed my head on the sandbag while I waited for the rain to stop and memories of the past flooded my mind.

It's dark in the hallway that leads to my student's room, but I see him watching me through the half-open door of his room. It's open just a crack but I know he's there. Legato.

I play Silvia, long meandering fugues that exasperate the other students some times, but never him. On long lonely nights in my room I touch myself and feel him enter my mind as I come gasping. What does he want?

He seems reserved in public, but watches me with hungry eyes..

The rape changes everything between us..

I remember the imprint of his lips on my bruises, healing my pain. He asks for nothing in return, but I give it. I feel my heart bending towards his and for the first time since my mother died, embers I had thought dead stir to life and a small flame of love ignites.

He gives me books to read, I give him kisses in return. He is as hungry to learn what I can teach and my tongue learns his body by heart. My mind opens to his and his to mine. My passion for him grows.

Though he has known so much pain, I ease his suffering as he eases mine. For two, three weeks, we grow more intimate. I tell him I'm in love. He says he loves me back.

A few days later, I hear he's been summoned by Master Knives. I see Legato in the hallway full of high spirits, with his duffel in his hand. I wave a greeting, but his mind is so full of Master Knives, he doesn't even see me.

The rain outside began to taper off and I stood up.

When I thought about the ending of the brief affair, even after all these years, the memory still stung.

At the time, after a month of depression, I finally just decided that he'd lied.

Now eighteen years later, I wondered if that was true. Had he loved me, this man who had hired other men to rape me?

I would never willingly relive the memories of that night, but in the aftermath of the event when Legato cared for me, I shivered when I realized that he was responsible for the very pain he sought to kiss away.

Did he love me or just pretend to make Knives jealous?

"He's sick," I whispered to myself, "so he comes to me for healing. There's something broken inside him."

But a small voice in my mind whispered, "Legato can never be healed. Not while Knives is his master."

The rain outside stopped falling and the sun was coming out again. I opened the door and saw that much of the water from the storm had drained into ditches around the compound, but the floodwater that remained had turned the desert into a sparkling blue lake. The beauty reminded me of the moment I'd shared with Nick in the wooded copse at the orphanage, the last time I'd seen him.

Nick was what I wanted and needed and if I was going to be with him again, serving Knives was the key. When the floodwaters receded an hour later, I returned to headquarters and went back to sifting reports and cutting orders for my agents.

A week later, a trombone player from the Mouth of Gabriel, who'd been having a late breakfast in a café-tavern in Kasted City saw a gangly sloppy looking man in the company of a youth and a grandmotherly woman..

The blond man with long hair draped down his back, was dressed in a well-worn shirt and wrinkled pair of homespun trousers held up by suspenders. He wore a pair of glasses over bluish/ green eyes. The agent had to look at the man several times and check his face against the images he'd been given to help in making an identification. Finally, the man he'd been observing rolled up his sleeves while he was loading a wagon for the old woman outside the General Store. The man had scars on his right forearm that matched the scars on the ID pictures exactly. There was no doubt the man was Vash the Stampede.

I sat at my desk in headquarters rather sleepily reviewing reports when that one jolted me out of my fatigue. The file was about the seventieth I'd skimmed. I jumped to my feet to notify Legato immediately.

He met me just as I walked out the door.

"I sensed your excitement, Midvalley, so I came as fast as I could," he said with a languid smile. Trust Legato for a double meaning. I knew he was also referring to the storage shed on the range.

I was angry with him, but handed him the file. He skimmed it and smiled faintly.

"So, it appears that one of your agents has found Vash the Stampede. Our master will be pleased. Let us give him the good news together."

I was excited that that it was one of my agents who had found Knives's brother in the very area that I had suggested would prove fruitful. I couldn't help it when a satisfied smile slipped over my face. Maybe Knives would keep his word and partner me with Nick. I fantasized for a minute about where Nick and I would go first on our vacation. I imagined us riding on his motorcycle and my next thought was of us together on that big bed in my house in Mei City. That put an even bigger smile on my face. The only thing that calmed my fevered imagination was the side-long look Legato gave me and the comment he made.

"If you imagine that kind of thinking will be rewarded, you are quite wrong, I assure you."

I fell into a somber mood as we walked together, the report in my hands.

Knives showed no emotion as he reviewed the file I handed him. I was successful in damping down my feelings while I was in his company. I just nursed the slightest bit of hope that he might make some gesture of thanks, but he dismissed me without a word.

I went back to headquarters in an agony of anticipation waiting word on Master Knives' future plans.

Legato walked into my office over an hour later.

"What was the upshot of the meeting," I asked him.

"No major changes for the moment other than that there will be some agent recalls and reassignments."

My heart lifted to hear that.

"Vash the Stampede will remain under observation. Leonof, Chapel the Evergreen, Hoppered the Gauntlet and Zazie the Beast will be going in to the area to observe his behavior and develop some scenarios to see what the best approach to take would be. I'll be nearby to supervise of course.

As for you, Midvalley, Master wanted me to let you know particularly that you have done such a good job, that he has decided to reward you."

I held my breath hoping for my heart's desire.

"Master Knives told me to tell you that he knows how hard you worked to find his brother and that he appreciates your efforts…," Legato said and then hesitated.

Come on, spit it out, Legato, I thought to myself.

"…and because of the excellent job you've done as my right-hand man, he's decided to make the arrangement permanent."

"Permanent?" I echoed his words dully. I felt my disappointment keenly.

"I thought you'd be pleased. You don't sound pleased. Still, you can take heart," said Legato in a comforting tone.

I looked at him, but he did not meet my eyes.

He crossed his arms across his chest and his right hand came to rest on crown of the small skull lashed to his left sleeve. He stroked the smooth bone gently as if it were the head of a loved one.

The way his hand caressed the skull seemed sick and strange to me.

He sensed my eyes on him.

"Are you afraid, Midvalley?" he said just like my mother used to ask me when I'd had a nightmare.

"You shouldn't worry," he continued. "It doesn't really matter. Our fate was sealed the moment we were born."

He closed his eyes and continued to stroke the skull. Then he smiled and I felt every hair on my body raise.

"Soon it will all be over," he said in a soothing voice, "and there will be an end to pain for me and for you, but not for him. There will be eternal pain and suffering for Vash the Stampede."

I left him and walked back to my quarters with feelings of dread and disappointment weighing heavily on me.

To be Continued