Utena, Revolutionary Girl Fan Fiction ❯ Contemplating The Senses ❯ Contemplating The Senses ( Chapter 1 )
Disclaimer: Don’t own Jack. Don’t know Jack. I’ve never even met him before in my life. Nothing makes sense.
A/N: Just my musings really. A contemplative Juri fanfic to go with my Saionji one, I guess. Juri musing over love. ShioriXJurinessat the end. Juri’s P.O.V.
Contemplating the Senses
By: Oneesan no Miroku Houshi
I don’t understand how I’m supposed to believe in love –true love, love at first sight, blah, blah, blah – when there seems to be so little of it in the world today. Besides – How can you ask me to believe in something I can’t see? Something I can’t smell? Something I can’t touch? Something that I can’t taste? Something that won’t allow me to use my senses? Something that is so non-materialistic that it cannot be proven?
How can I believe in something that gives me nothing but a feeling?
Feelings are replaceable- untraceable – pointless. They do nothing but get in my way.
I don’t like feelings.
But this is when I become even more confused.
How can I honestly say that I ‘don’t like’ something or ‘do like’ something, without contradicting myself? I can’t see, smell, touch, or taste ‘like’ and ‘hate’ yet I know I feel those quite regularly. Generally the latter.
So, how can I justify my adamant refusal to believe in love, when I believe in other, more trivial – but nonetheless annoying- emotions?
I can’t.
And so my confusion grows, and I inevitably become annoyed. Annoyance is an emotion. My brain begins to hurt.
Maybe it isn’t just love that confuses me. Maybe it’s all non-materialistic things.
Or perhaps I’m secretly a nutcase…
But it would not explain love.
How? How can I find a way to believe in love, when I don’t know what to feel? It’s not as bold and flashy as anger or happiness – yet it’s not as subtle as a secret or blankness. It’s somewhere unreachably in-between.
Love confuses me- That’s the bottom line.
“Juri-san.” A voice sings from beside of me, interrupting my thoughts. I glance emotionlessly over to see Shiori, joyfully holding up a rose for me to take. “I picked this for you. Isn’t it pretty?”
I say nothing, simply allowing the now familiar sensation of secret pride and strong like to fill me, mingling with an odd nostalgia and envy that I call me “Shiori” emotion. I don’t know what else it should be named – for it obviously isn’t hate, annoyance, or nothingness.
As I blink at her, she beams, her eyes glittering with thrill and pride. A scent that could only be describes as ‘warm’ radiates from her body as I slowly walk over to her, taking the small blossom. The petals feel oddly silky, in comparison to Shiori’s warm little hand.
“You wear it.” I command, shortly, taking the flower and pushing it behind her ear. She smiles warmly, closing her eyes as she did so.
“Okay, Juri-san!” She replied happily, planting a kiss on my cheek- one I could taste of many sweets.
As she walks off, displaying her new hair decoration with a certain degree of self confidence, I can’t help but wonder.
Perhaps I can see, smell, touch and taste love?
In that case, I suppose I have to believe in it, don’t I?
OWARI
Well, that was my little quicky of a JuriXShiori fanfic. This was the first I’ve written and I hope to write more as the time progresses. It’s hard to do this couple and have them work properly. This was a bit of an unrequited fanfic as far as Juri’s emotions go.
I hope you all enjoyed and will R&R!