Utena, Revolutionary Girl Fan Fiction ❯ My Suicide ❯ My Suicide ( Chapter 1 )

A/N: Here is something new. I hope all of you Anthy fans will like it. Here's the full summary:

 

 

SPOILERS FOR THE BLACK ROSE ARC. AXU Why did Anthy play as Mamiya to get the Black Rose Duelists to go after the Rose Bride? Maybe dieing was her only method of escape. R&R!

 

 

 

 

 

 

My Suicide

 

By: Oneesan no Miroku Houshi

 

 

 

 

 

 

It seemed to be a good enough plan.

 

 

After all, I do as Onii-sama tells me.

 

I have assembled all of the victims, one including myself. I took the form of this boy, Mamiya in order to pull the strings of an apparition, which walks the halls of Ohtori, twisted in change from the past.

 

Using the black roses to my advantage, allowing him to construct the Mikage Seminar, a meeting in which normal students were allowed into the confines of Nemuro Hall to confess their darkest desires, and based upon those desires a path was set for them.

 

When the path of darkness was set, the plan came into action to help Mikage fill his own desires: to kill the Rose Bride.

 

I know what you must think. I am the Rose Bride.

 

This was all a rather delicate plan to escape on my own. Perhaps if I constructed an intricate enough plan, maybe one of the Black Rose duelists can infiltrate Utena-sama, and put an end to this life.

 

I have been trapped here, for what seems like eons, and there are times that even I truly cannot bear. These sufferable circumstances have been put up with long enough. Sometimes, it's hard to be what they want you to be. There are so many desires to fill, and no two prince candidates are alike.

 

Of course, I am always switching off with each victor of the duel.

 

These are things that someone as naïve as Utena-sama could never comprehend. And yet, she knows that I have some inner torment. She always suggests that I have friends…Utena-sama, if you only knew. I could never keep a friend. The only friend that was meant for me was Chu-Chu and animals will love you no matter what.

 

I stand there on the sidelines, clad in my Rose Bride attire, watching you defeat many Black Duelists and awaiting you with a placid smile, and yet scorning myself for my spoiled plans. I secretly want death; it is the only way for me to escape now. The only place where Eden truly exists.

 

I thought for sure that the dark desires of the Black Rose Duelists would overcome you. I was wrong.

 

She shines through every time. How? I don't understand…

 

Don't get me wrong, I love Utena-sama with all of my heart and I know that I may be selfish with what I am doing, but there are many things that she will never understand, things that I keep from her.

 

Things that I could never reveal.

 

She isn't the only pawn in this twisted game of fairytales. Over the eons of my existence, I have become a bit desperate. I even gave up for a short period in time, but now that long sleeping urge has been rekindled and I must say that I am brave to go through with it under my brother's keen nose.

 

I watcher her as she defeats each one, even her own friend Wakaba, the one who has known her the longest faltered under her blow. I watch, happy physically, but damning myself mentally. My plans were slowly crumbling with the fall of each duelist and the destruction of each rose.

 

By far, Wakaba had been her most fierce opponent, there was a time when she had gotten past Utena-sama and I could feel death upon me. Secretly, I welcomed it, but I had to show on the outside that I didn't not want it.

 

I didn't want to cause too much question.

 

I am smarter then that.

 

This is why I fooled the apparition known as Mikage Souji, by playing in the shell of his long dead companion Mamiya and playing as the pawn in my brother's plans. It is true, he is me and I am him. It had ended according to my brother's plan, but not according to mine. I have failed, and now I shall sink back into the shadows as I have been before.

 

But she stepped in the way, and saved me, like a noble prince would. Ah, Utena-sama, didn't you know that girls were never meant to be princes? It's a concept that has long since eluded you.

 

Now, I sit here fixing shaved ice for my room mate and secret attraction as she comes in the door from her basketball game. I smile blankly, but I couldn't help but feel a twinge of something there. I love it when she came back from a game; her body was covered in a thin line of sweat and a giggled a small laugh. She always looked so enticing that way. But I could never tell her that.

 

She greets me, as I hand her the shaved ice. Things have lifted since then, and I no longer thought of suicide in such mannerisms. I am now confident that whatever I go through she will go through with me and confidently stay by my side.

 

Every once in a while, the thought crosses my mind, but it quickly subsides as I see her smiling face, reminding me that there is a light in my darkness and perhaps a hope that I have not felt in eons. We can shine together as we overcome whatever may come.

 

I am her Rose Bride.

 

After all, it is my job to do as she says. I will be whatever she wishes but on the inside, I am my own being, and I think she realizes that deep down inside.

 

“Anthy?” I heard her voice come to my ears by air transportation.

 

“Yes, Utena-sama?” I answer.

 

“We'll always be together, right?”

 

“Of course.” I told her, as if I had no care in the world. I've always acted like that.

 

“I'm glad.” She smiled as she put her arms around me in a quick hug. “I wouldn't have it any other way.”

 

“Neither would I, Utena-sama.”

 

`Neither would I, and truth be told a part of me does feel that way.' A close my eyes for that second, feeling the warm embrace radiating from her gentle touch, and for that brief moment, I feel as if I am truly worth more then a pawn in any game.

 

 

OWARI

 

 

 

A/N: There was my attempt at a suicidal Anthy, hope you all liked, please R&R!