Utena, Revolutionary Girl Fan Fiction ❯ Silly Utena Crossover Fic! ❯ Chapter 11

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

The Akio-Mecha Arises!

Akio Ohtori looked up at the giant robot, and broke into a broad smile. "What does this thing do?" he asked in awed tones. The robot, as tall as any of the gundams, was dressed in Akio's uniform, and even looked a little bit like him.

"It is intended to be a perfect visual replica of you, in tribute to your many sterling qualities, and Duo and Washu insisted on installing the two weapon systems." Miki explained quietly, resisting the urge to be sarcastic.

"Weapon systems?" Akio softly echoed with an eyebrow raised and a oddly dangerous twinkle in his eyes.

"Duo installed a, what did he call it, oh yes, a beam saber! Because of all the dueling we do at the academy, of course. And Washu installed something she insists on calling `Akio's Rocket of Love'. We asked her to explain what it is, but she won't answer, she just cackles at us madly," Miki said with a shrug.

Akio looks up at it with a very sinister smile, and Miki gets that sinking feeling yet again. "How do I pilot it?" Akio asked.

With a `follow me' gesture, Miki led him over to one of the Mecha's boots and activated a concealed switch, opening up a door leading to a hidden elevator. "This will take you up to the cockpit," Miki says, sweatdropping.

Speaking softly, but getting louder, Akio exclaims:

"If the chick does not crack it's shell,

it will die without being born!

We are the chick, the world is our egg,

Crack the worlds shell! For the revolution of the world!"

"I've always wanted to do that!" Akio finished cheerfully, as he rode the elevator up to the top. Taking the command chair, he looks around happily. "This is going to be fun." he said with a smile, and starts flipping switches.

Miki watched the Akio-Mecha start to move with a sinking heart. The beam saber popped out of it's concealed arm mount, dropped into the mecha's hand, and ignited in a flare of white-hot energy. "Oh, hell." he said quietly in despairing tones. About a second later, the serious destruction of nearby buildings began.

"Why in the world do - I- have to fight that damn thing, anyway?" Utena protested to her companions loudly, as she was running down the hallway and quickly pulling on a flight suit over her regular duelist's uniform. Strangly, the flightsuit was black with pink trim, just like her normal clothes. Heero Yui follows after her at a slightly slower pace, with the other gundam pilots trailing along right behind him.

"The ongoing battle between you and Akio is a fundamental constant of this world! You must be the one to face him in combat, for it is your destiny here to do so!" Heero drops out of the pretentious speech for a moment and suddenly gets a very sour expression on his pretty boy face as he added, "Besides, if Duo hadn't been such a total dumbass and built a beam saber into that monstrosity, we wouldn't be having this conversation!"

"Look, I'm sorry! Really I am! I'm just used to it, you know, when you build a really big mecha, you install some cool weapons systems to go with it!" Duo tried to protest his relative innocence. Quatre, Wu-fei and Trowa stopped, pulled him aside and then they started to beat the living crap out of him.

"That is such a load of bullshit!" a irritable Utena shoots back at Heero.

"All right, I'll tell you!" Heero grimaces and holds up his leg in a cast, hopping as he continues talking, "Look, Duo got a little rough last night, I can't pilot my gundam like this, and I don't trust any of these yahoos to do it!" Utena looks over at the four brawling Gundam pilots and even she has to admit, he has a point.

They emerge into a giant airplane hanger, and Utena suddenly stops cold, as she looks up in awe at the Wing Zero Custom. It's twin angel wings and two beam ruifles were arrayed in all their beautiful but destructive glory.

"Wow." Utena said to the others quietly. "I really get to pilot this?" she asked, turning to Heero with a broad smile.

After a few minutes of hurried instruction, Utena grabbed the cable to pull herself up to the cockpit, when "Take my Revolution" suddenly starts playing. Utena stops the lift, the music stops too. "What in the world ?" Utena asked, surprised.

Heero shuffled over. "Happens to me, too." He, somewhat awkwardly with his cast, climbs up and "Just Communication" starts to play. It stops when he comes down. Heero and Utena both look at each other and shrug.

"You'll need this," Heero says, handing her a small, bright yellow manual.

A few moments later, the Wing Zero cleared the hanger doors, clipping one of them badly on it's way out. Inside the cockpit, Utena flipped open her "Gundam Piloting for Dummies" book and checked to see what she'd done wrong, still smiling happily.

Akio was also smiling happily as he swung the beam saber forcefully down on another badly designed building. He had already totaled several of the uglier buildings in and around Ohtori, and was actively looking for any other pieces of aesthetically-unappealing architecture to eliminate. He looked over at the bright red button on the control panel, and smiled. `Why not try it,' he thought.

He suddenly makes a odd gesture, as if he was in a bad live action mecha series. "Akio's Rocket of Love, Activate!" he yells dramatically, and hits the switch. Outside, everyone nearby watches in horror as the Akio-Mecha drops it's trousers and a pair of Akio-car print boxer shorts to fire off a proportionately large missile from around the groin area. Everybody sweatdrops. The robot then pulls it's pants up.

"Mental note: never, ever use that weapons system again." a sweatdropping Akio said to himself very quietly. Suddenly from out of the sky, a shadow appeared over him, and he looked up to see what looked like an angel. The Wing Zero descended to the ground nearby, it's unfolded angel wings sweeping around it.

"Akio, we don't have to do this," Utena said in reasonable tones over the radio. "Just disembark from the mecha and nobody gets hurt." she said simply.

Akio answered by quickly charging her, firing up his beam saber. He swung wildly, the Wing Zero gracefully dodged, and then she smoothly struck once with her own weapon. The Akio-Mecha stood still a moment while the Wing Zero moved away, as if it was frozen in surprise, then, with a noisy grinding of metal on metal, the top half of the machine slowly slid off the body and hit the ground.

"Come back here," Akio yelled over the radio to Utena, "it's just a flesh wound! I can still fight, damn it!"

Utena totally ignored him and brought the Wing Zero to a kneeling position, descending from the cockpit. "Wow, Utena-sama! That was so cool!" Wakaba said happily, bouncing up and down in joy. She looks over Utena's shoulder at the remnants of the Akio-Mecha. "Why don't you finish him off, though?" she asked.

Utena just shrugged and smiled with unknowing charm over at Wakaba. "He's perfectly welcome to flail around there on the ground until he blows a gasket or his batteries finally run out. He can't really hurt anything."

As they began to walk away, Akio kicked in the outside loudspeaker and began to yell at them loudly. "Get back over here, you coward! It's just a minor injury!" he bellowed.

Utena shook her head mounfully and just kept on walking, ingnoring him. "Baka." she said quietly.

Appearing in this Episode: Akio, Miki, Utena and Wakaba are from Revolutionary Girl Utena. Washu is from Tenchi Muyo. And finally, Heero, Duo, Quatre, Wu-fei and Trowa are from Gundam Wing.