Utena, Revolutionary Girl Fan Fiction ❯ The Darker Shades of Green ❯ The Way I Feel ( Chapter 6 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

Hello, I apologize for not writing in a while. Some things have come up and such, like spring break. If this chapter doesn’t make any sense, it’s because my mood’s off. I thought by writing this chapter I’d be able to get off of some pretty tough subjects that I’ve been putting up with.

To Oneesan no Miroku Houshi: Thanks for your support, I’m glad you understand. Oh, and I’ll take your advice. smile

Anyway, on to the story, if nothing makes sense, please correct it for me, Oneesan.

PLEASE TAKE THE WARNING SERIOUSLY!

I I I

The Darker Shades of Green

Chapter 6: The Way I Feel

I I I

I was walking through OhtoriAcademy, on one of my happier days, if you could really define it as that, and stumbled upon a group of boys upon my return from father’s house.

As I was walking by, I heard one of them say “People who cut themselves are stupid.” My eyes darted over to their direction.

How dare they say such a thing about something they themselves did not understand!

They don’t know the pain…

I closed my eyes and listened to their conversation.

“I was just wondering if they ever found out what happened in the bathroom.”

“Nah, but now they’re saying that some person hashed themselves with the glass and made that blood.”

“You think we’re going to be put on suicide watch or something?”

“That’s stupid talk, besides, like I said before, hashers are stupid. I mean, what’s the point of cutting yourself anyway?”

I began to walk over to the group, they weren’t noticing me anyway. Besides, how dare they call me stupid! They could never understand.

They don’t know what it’s like.

“Oh, look at me! I’m going to cut myself, but I’m too chicken shit to actually tr..”

SMACK!

A body went flying to the ground.

Before I realized what I had done, they were all staring at me in awe that I had done such a thing. The one who was talking fell to the held his red cheek. I leveled them with a stare of malice.

“Hey, why’d you do … Kyouichi Saionji, the Seitokai Vice President?” The one on the ground replied, looking shocked and holding his now red and stinging cheek.

“You shouldn’t talk of things that aren’t your concern.” I said simply, trying to regain my composure.

Then I walked away, as I was walking, I ran into Arisugawa Juri. Shooting her a glare, I walked by her. Damn irritating woman! I really didn’t need her right now.

She grabbed my wrist harshly, trying to catch me as I walked by. The pressure made me wince in pain. She had grabbed the spot I had cut after I left father’s house.

“Hold it.” She replied.

“I have places to go.” I told her coldly.

“I just wanted to ask you something.”

“What? Not that I have time to be playing 20 questions…”

“Why exactly did you get offended at that subject? I noticed that you just walked over there and did what you do best.”

“It’s really none of your business.” I replied coldly, though a sadness shown in my eyes that I didn’t want to possess in front of her, and damn her for catching it as well.

I think I had actually intrigued her; she had an interested look in her eyes as I yanked my arm away and walked past her. She actually turned around and gave me a look I couldn’t place.

Why?

Why would she look at me like that?

She’s just like everyone else…

Or is she?

I know she knows something.

No doubt she thinks something is up.

She’ll question it or do some investigating, if I know her correctly. Juri is always prying to see what she can figure out. I have to give her at least that compliment, she’s intelligent.

Well, I’ll beat her at her own game.

I won’t let her or anyone else figure it out.

This is my one secret.

Then again, if I go around slapping people for it, suspicion will just arise. Everyone will begin to think…

As soon as, or if she even does find out, she’ll just call me weak.

Weak…

The one thing I can’t stand being.

The one thing I’ve always been put down for…

The one thing I try so hard not to be.

This was the one thing I had always wanted to show Touga that I was not. Even my best friend could not understand what I feel on the subject. What friend? He’s betrayed me, as they all have…

Do I really have any friends at all?

Of course not.

I’m on my own as I have always been.

There’s no such thing as a true friend. I had found that out long ago, when I had longed for that eternal friend. I was living in my own delusions, as I am now.

I couldn’t be fortunate enough to have the silver lining most clouds do after the storm. I am the cloud who will seem forever gray

A dark shade of gray that is so contaminated with black that most do not see through it. Or is it really contamination? Could it be a shroud of mystery that is so complex that it takes dedication to unveil?

I’m not even too sure of that myself…

In the world of clouds, I must be the one dark cloud which is classified as an isolated storm.

Then again…

I’m not strong enough to stand alone and produce my own storm. I always must hide behind the bigger, more powerful rain clouds that produce more rain then I.

Secretly, I produce more rain of my own when alone.

I am the storm who’s only big enough to wet the ground, but not so large as to create any significant water damage. The storm that turns violent when needed, but backs down so easily and gives way to the rest of the rain clouds.

When will this cloud find a silver lining?

I look up to the white clouds in the sky and narrow my eyes.

Why must such symbolism taunt me?

TBC

Preview for chapter 7:

I will willingly believe what I wish, as long as it makes me happy.

A/N: Long time await, but I’m going to eventually get into some Rose Bride stuff, and for a while it will become SaionjiXAnthy, just a warning for those who intend to read further.

Hope you enjoyed this chapter! The next one is on its way shortly.