Utena, Revolutionary Girl Fan Fiction ❯ The Unspoken Heart ❯ The Unspoken Heart ( Chapter 1 )

Ok, man, it’s been a while. I’m writing another Utena fic, only because I have a particular muse for this one, and it’s a couple that has probably never been done before.

This fic maybe a set of fics or just individual one-shots.

These are all unique, because they feature the couple, Saionji/Juri. I hope you’ll find that I make this couple fit in a weird way. This is kind of a manga/anime based fic, more off of the manga then anime.

I did some revising; I’ve lengthened some things, so tell me what you think now. Thanks to variant for pointing out some things to me.

Japanese dictionary:

Seitokai- Student Council

Shinai- Kendo Stick

Anyway, here is the first of the many. This is in Juri’s P.O.V.

The Unspoken Heart

By: Melissa

It’s rainy here; the sky a blend of grays and blacks, and a quaint rain fell down upon the rose encrusted building that is Ohtori Academy. I stand atop of the academy, looking out over the horizon which was blurry from rain. I looked around at my surroundings, a white table and chairs. The rain hit the cold floor at a steady pace, making small formations of water in places. The floor seeming so glossy that one could see one’s reflection in the floor.

I walked over slowly to the edge and looked over, my orange hair sticking to my face. I casually moved it with my free hand. As I did, I took a glimpse of someone walking down the empty sidewalk below.

I narrowed my eyes at who the figure was.

It was him.

He was advancing down the sidewalk, his eyes as cold as the chill rain that managed to get under my umbrella and hit me in the face every once and a while. He walked with such prestige, as if he owned the very sidewalk that he lay foot upon.

Kyouichi Saionji

He had no umbrella, his evergreen locks sticking to his face as his figure came into my view more and more. He was dressed in his kendo attire; he probably just got back from Ohtori’s Kendo Hall.

How I loathe him…

I loathe everything about him, but mostly the way he makes me feel inside. The many dark secrets that I hide within my heart.

I know he has them too. The little things that make people like us cold and sarcastic. Sometimes, when he stands beside me, I can feel the inner turmoil and sheer sadness radiating from him. I hate that sense of silent understanding that we seem to share.

It’s almost as if I feel so much sympathy for him that my mind wishes to console him, but I can’t get too close, and neither can he.

The both of us are unable to trust anymore, due to past relationships, and neither one of us believe in miracles anymore. Why should we? Both of us feel betrayed by our most treasured possessions: our friends. We are both cold for that reason and long for something eternal.

Down below, I saw him looking around for someone or something suspicious. Humph, he knows there isn’t, not on a cold and rainy day like this. Who’s he trying to kid?

Suddenly, he’s not so proud looking. He stood there for a while, slumped over in the rain, letting the cold droplets beat against him.

Alone.

Just as I am.

I bet he feels alone in the world as well.

Just a lonely chick, which aspires to break through the shell, just as the fellow Seitokai are. But they could never understand us, for they believe in miracles. They have aspiration and hope, when we’ve lost it all.

It seems that all of the Seitokai are Ohtori’s latest celebrities. All of the students envy and admire us, we have many adoring fans, and yet, none of that matters. He cares nothing of his fan mail, and I just read mine when I’m bored, except the old letters that Shiori had written me long ago. Then again, I’m sure he kept all of Touga’s letters as well, if he even used to write him, because no matter how badly they’ve treated us, we just keep wishing that we could have them back as things were.

Kiryuu, Touga, the man every girl has an attraction to, but as I have said, there are no such things as miracles. A prince among men and the glorious Seitokai President. As I have stated previously, there are no such things as miracles, and we’ve both lost anything that gives us hope of getting our long lost foolish dreams.

To have them be your friend and not you’re superior; to think that you are their equal.

Sometimes I feel as if we are one in the same, yet I despised that I could understand him so fully, I despised that there is someone else like me, though I’d like to set it in my idiosyncrasy that there is no one else out there who feels all of the pain and inner torment as I do.

Yet he did….

I hated him for that.

I clenched my wet fist as I glared down at him with a hurt look that could be taken as one of loathing.

Stop looking like that! That look that seems to say you’ve been through hell! Tell me that you hate me! No matter how much we make sarcastic remarks I wish that you’d tell me how much you hated me, so perhaps I could feel at ease and get over this feeling of understanding. Perhaps, I can forget about these feelings.

How I hate you.

And yet……

I wish to lay you down on a rose scented bed, and make you forget all of the delusions and hell you put yourself through to get through OhtoriAcademy. For just one night, if possible, to make you forget and ease my own pain. Even the cold gives into the heat.

I wish to tangle my hands in those evergreen, silken locks and allow this stone heart to blossom with your green roses as a decorative trellis, or perhaps a grave stone, marking the dying of my cold ways and the blossoming of a new.

I want you, yet I despise you.

He finally resumed the upright position, looking up with his sorrow-filled amethyst orbs, hiding the already silent tears he cries. Watching him as I cry silent tears of my own.

I wish he’d stop looking so depressed like that. It makes me want to do something about it. My body often does things to its own accord.

I hated it and I hated him.

Damn you Kyouichi for making me feel this way!

I bet he’d look at me wide-eyed if he could only read my mind, to know these dark thoughts of mine. The secret desires that I hold for him.

He took a deep breath, and I now find myself on the street. How’d I get here? Damn my lack of concentration…Guess he just does that to me…Damn him…Damn him to hell…

I’m quickly approached him; I can see him in a haste quickly picking himself back up to resume his pride and cold composure. I don’t think he knew that I’ve been spying on him this entire time. I walked up to him, those sad eyes turning cold.

I knew it, never one to show your innermost weaknesses, right Kyouichi?

I smiled a cocky smile.

Heh, neither do I. And I’m not about to let it be known to you that it is you.

I hate that you make me think things.

I narrowed my eyes, keeping my distance as I always have. This is why I always have to start an argument or cast out my sarcastic remarks at him. This is why I push him away and snub him when he gets close. He didn’t need any ammunition to throw my way; I’ve been shot enough with his bullets of hate. I can’t keep this feeling away for long; I won’t be able to keep myself back, not with him right in front of me and all.

Amethyst eyes pierced my own as we exchange our glares as we pass.

Suddenly, my umbrella fell, the sound of a slight squeak as sandals slip on the wet ground. Before I knew it, I’m there, supporting his back.

He looked at me with confusion.

“What the hell are you doing?” He managed to let out before feeling the jolt came of his body came to a stop by my grip.

I gave no reply.

It’s times like this where I just want to kiss him senseless, but my hatred holds me back.

Wait….

What was I thinking? I’ve never felt this way about anyman. I’ve never been interested in them…But what set Kyouichi apart from all of the others? There’s something about Saionji . . . but what?

Why can he sway my mind so much, when most men repulse me?

It’s so aggravating!!

Damn you!

Damn you for making me feel this way, only for you!

I quickly stood him back up and bent down to get my umbrella, turning my head away and making a face of anger as I did. Why did I do that? So uncharacteristic of myself…Especially with Kyouichi, Saionji!

‘Damn it…’

I incoherently muttered to myself.

“Why didn’t you let me fall?” He asked, looking at me, those piercing eyes awaiting an answer.

“Wouldn’t want to give Anthy something else to clean.” I shot back my usual sarcastic whim coming through.

He glared and narrowed his eyes. “Excuse me for slipping in the rain.”

Now it was my turn to retaliate. “Heaven forbid you break your shinai or thank me for that matter.”

“I’d thank you, if you were worth my time.” He shot back.

‘If only you knew…’

“Don’t make me lessen the Seitokai by one more member for another round.” I shot back. I knew where to get him, though his stubborn attitude will get the better of him in this one.

“Spare me.” He deadpanned. “I don’t have time to waste on people like you.”

I’m sure he meant the term loosely.

“You’re not worth the “time” you speak of.” I put a hand on my hip in anger.

God, how I hate you.

For more then you’ll ever know…

“At least I’m worth something.” I retorted before I turned to leave.

“……”

He stopped a bit, as if his shinai came through his own heart. As I looked over my shoulder, I could see him shake it off and keep walking.

I narrowed my eyes, and wondered what he was thinking. I wondered to myself if he was hurt by that remark, even I, myself am unsure what to make of it. I stood there for a while, my back facing him, reflecting on what we’ve seemed to share in this moment’s time. Did I just see Saionji show me a weakness with my sarcastic remark about him not being worth anything? He already felt second place to Touga, I just gave him something else to feel lower then… What do I care? I hated him anyway. Yet, at the same time I wanted him.

As I walked away and we disappeared from each other’s view, I can’t help but feel as if I should’ve claimed him for that moment. I narrow my eyes at the thought.

‘Hmph’

I kept walking, the atmosphere silent and the soft sound of rain comforted my soul as I walked on. I tilted my head up to the dreary sky as I walked and a slight smirk crossed my face.

Can you want what you loathe?

Can you crave what you hate?

What a silly question.

Of course you can.

Owari

That…was weird, but I tried not to get OOC with Juri. This is more manga based then anime, though it has a few things to do with the anime.

I hope it wasn’t too OOC I really didn’t want to screw things up here. I thought this was an interesting couple, but hard to place. I thought doing it this way would bring out the nature of it in a believable way. I hope you enjoy! The next one will be a different fanfic, but it will be strictly anime based. It will be a different fic called Who’s in The Locket?

Thanks to Kelli for the help with the Anthy line, and thanks to Charisma for giving me a title.

Anyway, please R&R! Tell me what you think, I really want to know.