Voltron Fan Fiction ❯ And they lived happily ever after... ❯ Step 2: Thixophobia ( Chapter 2 )

What? Are you still reading this?

 

Insert disclaimer here: Voltron characters belong to WEP, storyline premise based on Devil's Due Comics, original characters are mine. Certain events in the story are imitated from real life but grossly exaggerated... obviously. I'm still alive! Ha! Keith's history that's not stated in the Devil's Due profiles as well as the actual plot are all made up by the voices I hear in my head. Sometimes… they keep me awake at night…

 

Rating PG-13

 

VERY IMPORTANT ACKNOWLEDGEMENT: This fic would not have been made possible without the patience, assistance, insight and support of the very lovely Sheila Bliss.

 

February 19, 2007

 

And They Lived Happily Ever After

(a.k.a. If You Survive the Force of Gravity)

By Ina-chan

 

Step Two: Thixophobia

 

 

Today is my wedding day. Today is a turning point in my life.

 

Aunt Fay once said that getting married is a big deal no matter what culture you belong to. After all, getting married is one of the major turning points of change in a person's life. What's that saying again? `A home is not complete until it has experienced a birth, a marriage, and a death.' Or something like that...

 

Personally, I think I had my fill of life's turning points. Sometimes I wonder if the Fates are actually making fun of me or have something against me. Maybe I did something in my former life that displeased them. It felt as if each turning point in my life seemed to be marked by tragedy. A bout of suffering and sadness before a story's happy ending. For example, I only ended up living with my aunt and uncle after my parents were killed in a car accident. That was a little more than half a lifetime ago.

 

What doesn't kill me only makes me stronger, right?

 

You can say that I gained a dark perspective in life. I've been known to be overly cautious, weighing the benefits against risks before taking action. I'm not fond of having strangers get too close or act familiar with me before they gain my trust. But… I don't think I'm at the point that I've become anti-social.

 

When I was a teen-ager, Aunt Fay worried over that, me turning anti-social, that is. Then again, Aunt Fay was a novelist and didn't have to deal with teen-agers since my mother. Her ideas of how normal teen-agers behaved was somewhat… skewed.

 

You see, I was home schooled most of my life. Mom was paranoid about my name being in the public register for fear that my father's family would suddenly show up to claim me. It's very clear now, the main reason why she decided to change my name back then.

 

I continued to be home schooled after I started living with Aunt Fay and Uncle Raymond because of our lifestyle. Aunt Fay was always travelling to promote a new book. Uncle Raymond always got sent to review cases from US Military installations all over the world. They were very big on “family togetherness”, so our family being separated for long periods of time was unacceptable.

 

So I grew up in a stable family environment and literally travelled and saw the world in ways kids at that age can only imagine. I don't think any of us thought there was anything wrong about our nomadic lifestyle… until that one incident when I was sixteen. When Aunt Fay thought it was a great idea to drag me along to one of her new book's formal dinner receptions.

 

I'd rather not talk about it…

 

I was never a party person in the first place. I try to avoid big social gatherings like the plague. I only went because Uncle Raymond couldn't make it and Aunt Fay made it clear that I didn't have a choice. And… the end result led Aunt Fay to the conclusion that I needed to spend more time with people my age.

 

So for the first time in our lives, we stayed put in one place for one year so I could at least attend my final year of high school in an actual school. I didn't understand what the big deal was, really. And it wasn't my fault that I never really hung out with girls my age. How was I to know, at that time, that girls that age can be so freaky?

 

When I was growing up, there weren't a lot of kids around me to play with anyway. So I always found myself socializing with my aunt and uncle's friends. That's why I ended up being more comfortable around adults than kids my age.

 

I never really thought about it until one of my classmates pointed it out later. But it did seem funny how adults seemed to naturally treat me as if I was their equal. When I was younger, one of Uncle Raymond's friends once commented that I was fourteen going on forty and had inherited my uncle's authoritative charisma. I suppose that was one explanation why even the other kids seemed to have this instinctive tendency to follow me even though I sometimes feel a bit uncomfortable around them.

 

It's not that I was an outcast or anything. In fact, I seemed to fit in on any social circle in high school. Nobody seemed to be bothered with me hanging out with the physics club at lunch then sparring with members of the judo team after school. But even so... I realized something that until now, I couldn't really put my finger on.

 

No matter how much I got along with everyone, there was always this invisible wall between myself and them.

 

Of course there were the girls.

 

I got along with them fine, as long as they didn't start acting “different” and wanting to be “more than friends” or anything like that. Because that situation usually ended with them crying… and I just couldn't deal with them when they do that! My after-school martial arts training was probably the only thing kept me sane throughout my brief high school experience.

 

In a way, I can see now why she completely caught me off-guard…

 

Bev…

 

Today is our wedding day. Today is a turning point in our lives.

 

Me and Bev… Two years ago, I probably wouldn't even have dared to contemplate on the thought that we would be sharing our lives together. Out first meeting was not exactly ideal. Let's just say that I don't look forward to telling our children our story when they ask how Mommy and Daddy met. And like every turning point in my life, our meeting was overshadowed by a tragedy.

 

I was in New York City, on furlough and visiting my friend Craig, an old buddy back from training. It was two weeks after Aunt Fay's funeral. Three and a half months after Uncle Raymond's.

 

Aunt Fay's cancer came back four years ago. I was away on assignment when she found out. Apparently, she insisted that I not be told. She didn't want me to worry about her when I should be thinking of myself when I'm in a dangerous mission.

 

It still stings when I think about it. It's a bit difficult to compare now, because so much time had passed since my parents died. But I think Aunt Fay's death hurts more. I resented her a little bit. Actually, I resented both of them. You had no idea how much I wanted to get mad at them. I felt like that helpless little brat they took in years ago. I felt betrayed all over again. All their preaching about family togetherness… It only applied to me, when I was suffering. But when it was their turn, they didn't even give me the choice to share their burden.

 

All I could think about was…all that time, I when I was away… I was doing all I could to help all these strangers, saving these other people in rescue missions. And I wasn't even given the chance to do something for them, the most important people in the world to me.

 

Of course, the funny thing was… No matter how much I wanted to get mad at them, I couldn't.

 

Aunt Fay fought valiantly for two years until Uncle Raymond had a stroke… I only found out about her illness when Uncle Raymond was no longer around to help keep her secret. When Uncle Raymond died, it seemed as if Aunt Fay's fighting spirit died with him. That's why three months after, Aunt Fay followed him.

 

I was ordered to go on military leave to sort out my affairs. I personally would have preferred to keep working. I didn't want to leave my team in the middle of a recon assignment. But I understood their concerns. Having an unstable member in the team can jeopardize the entire mission.

 

Despite my personal objections, it did help sort out a lot of things in my head. It was painful to realize that I was an orphan all over again. It was also the first time in my life that I realized that I was truly alone.

 

A few years back, I was briefly assigned at the 31st MEU(SOC) in Okinawa. I tried to contact my father's family, but all my efforts were unsuccessful. Then again, the custody battle over me wasn't a pleasant affair. I can understand why they wanted nothing to do with me. My grandmother already died some time ago, but not before witnessing most of the Kogane Family's assets divided and taken over by other companies. Aunt Fay reassured me that it wasn't my fault. It wouldn't have mattered if I was named the family heir or not. There really wasn't much a twelve-year-old can do for a dying dynasty.

 

The last thing I wanted was to go somewhere and party. But the need for normal human contact after dealing with death was just too strong. So when Craig invited me to spend a few days in New York City, I accepted without a second thought. I was never a party person. I can still count the number of times I got drunk to the point of semi-consciousness with the fingers of one hand since I was a cadet. That night, I guess I just wanted to forget everything, even if just for a short while.

 

It was the natural order of things… being in the company of good friends under the bright city lights and the influence of unending flow of alcohol. The next thing I knew, it was already morning. I was half-naked, waking up on an unfamiliar bed in an unfamiliar room with a desert in my mouth and a sledgehammer pounding my head from the inside out. And there were this pair of unfamiliar bright green eyes looking down at me.

 

I can't say that I fought valiantly in any wars.

 

“Good Morning, Sleeping Beauty.”

 

“Wha--?”

 

But, I've already been involved in a fair number of missions that could test one's nerves. Somehow, being with this stranger, looking at me expectantly with that mischievous smile … and treating me with inappropriate intimacy…

 

“Breakfast is ready. You probably have a monster of a hang over, but don't worry. I have my grandpa's home-made elixir guaranteed to get rid of that headache of yours with very temporary taste bud killing side effects.”

 

“Where…”

 

“Your clothes? Oh, they're in the wash. You know for a soldier, you don't hold your liquor very well, do you?”

 

Very few things in this world scare the hell out of me in the first place.

 

“Who are you?”

 

But at that moment… when I said those words… when I asked that question… and when I stared at this strange woman, who gaped back at me with this horrified expression on her face and the tears welling in those bright green eyes…

 

“Who am I? After what we did last night? You don't even remember my name?”

 

“… … …!!!”

 

I've never felt so terrified in my entire life.

 

The room began to spin and bitter bile rose up my throat. I literally scrambled out of bed and almost didn't make it to the toilet as my body expelled whatever toxins left by my uncharacteristic alcohol binge the night before. I didn't even notice that she was behind me until I felt her place a warm washcloth over my forehead as my stomach's violent heaves finally calmed down.

 

“Oh my god… Are you alright? I was just kidding. Don't die on me, okay? OH! What should I do? Should I call 911? I'm going to kill Craig for this…”

 

I couldn't help gaping back at her in surprise. Her mischievous look was replaced by genuine concern… and fear. She was talking so fast that I almost didn't catch half of what she was saying. It was ironic, that upon seeing her rattled helped regain my frazzled wits.

 

“I'll be okay. Now, who are you?”

 

She flinched instinctively at the sound of my voice. Maybe my tone was sharper than I intended. But she gave me an apologetic look and started wringing the wash cloth in her hands.

 

“I'm sorry. Look, I was just joking earlier. Nothing happened. Craig… my cousin... He got called off to work this morning and you were in such a bad shape last night so he asked me to come over to make sure you haven't died or anything. Craig said that you were easy to tease, so I couldn't help myself. I didn't think that I would freak you out like that. The last time I saw a guy freak out like that was back in high school. I dated this boy and he was still a virgin when we did it the first time… you're not a virgin, are you?”

 

“… … …”

 

“Oh my god! I'm doing it again, am I? I'm so sorry. We're starting on the wrong foot, aren't we? Just forget everything that happened and everything I said until now. Let's start from the beginning. Okay? Let's have a fresh start. I'm going to walk out the door, and come back in and introduce myself.”

 

Without even pausing for breath, she did exactly what she said.

 

It was so absurd.

 

If I wasn't half-confused by how fast the whole thing happened, I probably would have fallen over and rolled on the floor laughing. Instead, I stayed frozen, kneeling on the bathroom's cold tiles, in front of the toilet as this very strange… and possibly insane… woman walked out of the room and closed the bathroom door behind her. Then, a few moments later, opened the door, walked in and stretched out to shake my hand as if introducing herself that way to a person hurling his guts in the toilet was the most natural thing in the world.

 

“Hi. Nice to meet you. My name is Beverly Hagel.”

 

I don't think I realized it at the time. But looking back, I know now that it was at that very strange and absurd moment… I fell madly in love with her.

 

Of course, it didn't take long for me to realize it. And I probably did the most illogical thing that I've ever done my life. I actually asked to be transferred from a recon assignment… taken out of active duty… in exchange for administrative duty in Fort Hamilton so I can be near her. Everyone said that it was professional suicide. With all the commendations under my belt, I could have risen higher up the ranks if I wanted to.

 

If I hadn't met Bev, I'd probably agree. After all, what else did I have left other than my career? Hell, the only reason why I chose this career back when I was eighteen was because I had no idea what I wanted to do in the first place. Uncle Raymond idly suggested to “Join the Marines until you make up your mind.” So I did. I even considered following Uncle Raymond's footsteps by going to law school. But all that time, I didn't really feel that I was going anywhere. Following the routine and doing my job just made things easier, you know.

 

But after I met Bev, for the first time in my life, I actually wanted something. I actually wanted to take charge of my life. Even if everyone around me said that I was wasting my potential and that the direction I was going would lead me nowhere. It didn't really matter at all. Not anymore. As long as the path I was going was leading me to Bev, I didn't care. All I knew was that all I really wanted was to be with her.

 

So two years and a lifetime ago, at exactly twelve weeks, three days, five hours and fifteen minutes after I met her. I asked her to marry me.

 

And she said yes.

 

And today is our wedding day.

 

Mind you, we didn't have a perfect fairy tale romance. We had our share of ups and downs like any normal couple. Despite how much I love her, there were times I get this overwhelming urge to strangle her. I'm sure she had her moments as well, when she probably wanted to shoot me with my own gun. There's just those times when her brain seems to go through these really petty and completely irrational thought patterns at certain times of the month.

 

I mean, this one time…she bought fifty rolls of toilet paper just because they were on sale? Who does that anyway? Okay, sure, it was on sale. But fifty rolls for two people?

 

Then she started crying uncontrollably. Just bawling like the world was ending. She started screaming that I was cruel and mean and insensitive and I didn't love her anymore simply because I said, “Honey, isn't that a bit too much?”

 

I don't understand. I just don't get it!

 

And THAT.

 

That was the worst thing she ever did.

 

Cry.

 

Her bursting out crying uncontrollably drove me nuts. She knew it. And she used it to her full advantage. She knew that I fall to pieces whenever I see her cry. If it were any other person, I would just inconspicuously escape the room. But if it was her… I just don't know what to do. All I could do was feel helpless to the point that I feel like crying myself.

 

And I hate that!

 

This would probably sound funny coming from me, especially with my background as a soldier. But Bev was the only person I've been physically intimate with. I don't have much to compare, and I'm not one to share locker room stories. But Bev has this really strange quirk after we do it. Sometimes she would suddenly have this really weird… morbid… trains of thought after we... you know… and she would always share it when I was already half-asleep.

 

I remember this particular conversation that's been playing in my head over and over recently…

 

“Keith, if I die tonight, and you meet and fall in love with a girl named Laura tomorrow morning, are you going to marry her?”

 

“… … …what?”

 

“Are you going to marry Laura?”

 

“…not marrying Laura… marrying you… go to sleep...”

 

“I know that. But it's just a hypothetical question. If I die, are you going to fall in love with another girl and marry her?”

 

“…you're the only woman I'll ever love until I die.”

 

“No. NO! That won't do at all. I don't want to hear you saying things like that.”

 

“… … … <sigh> You know, a normal girl would be very happy to hear that reply from her fiancé.”

 

“It does make me happy. But what about you? I mean, I'll be dead so it doesn't matter how I feel. I just don't want you to throw a beautiful life that you could have with Laura because of me.”

 

“Is there a point to this conversation?”

 

“I just want you to be happy.”

 

“But I am happy.”

 

“I want you to stay happy even after I die. Alright. You don't have to marry Laura, but you have to promise that you won't deprive yourself from being happy just because I'm dead.”

 

“Why are you so sure that you're going to die before me? Is there something you're not telling me?”

 

“No. It's just that you love me so much.”

 

“Okay…”

 

“I know that you'll never allow yourself to die before me. You'll never do anything that will make me sad.”

 

“… … …”

 

“That's why I'm worried about you.”

 

“No one's going to die tonight.”

 

“Do you promise?”

 

“Yes. Now go to sleep.”

 

“Good. Oh! You're hair starting to get long and shaggy, remind me to trim it before the wedding. Good night.”

 

“…… …”

 

Needless to say, I couldn't sleep a wink after that. I ended up watching her sleep until morning. I also started getting paranoid about meeting women named Laura… which was probably not very good for my health.

 

Fifty-one days and a lifetime ago, for the first time since we started living together, Bev and I were separated for more than a day. Her friends decided to take her to Miami for a weekend as her bridal shower. She hasn't hung out with her friends like that for a long time, so I told her to go. I didn't realize how I've become so dependent on her until those three days she was away.

 

It was just three days… but it almost felt like I was going on withdrawal. No matter how hard Craig tried to distract me, I craved for her. I just wanted to see her so badly. I missed hearing her voice, hearing those illogical comments she makes, and hearing her laugh. I missed waking up to the smell of freshly brewed coffee that she always made in the morning, and the scent of her favourite shampoo when we go to bed at night. I missed the taste of mint from her favourite lip gloss. I missed the feel of her touch… the feel of her warmth… the way she cuddles up against me naturally when I hold her in my arms.

 

Forty-eight days and a lifetime ago, I was going give her a nice welcome home surprise. I'll pick her up from the airport. She'll come home, where a nice hot bath will be waiting for her and her favourite dish of thin crust pepperoni with extra cheese, served in a romantic candle lit dinner as soon as she emerged fresh from her bath. There will be soft music and lots of… dancing. Of course chances were, we'd probably just forget everything and go straight to dancing.

 

But instead…

 

Seven weeks and a lifetime ago, I received a phone call as I frantically turned on the evening news featuring a tragic plane accident…

 

“Mr. Kogane… I'm sorry. There's been an accident. I'm afraid to say that Miss Hagel is one of…”

 

Today is my wedding day.

 

We were supposed to be married today… a year ago.

 

An old cliché states that wounds heal eventually with the passage of time. That may be true in some instances. But not with this wound. To be quite honest, I don't know if I want it to. Because the only way for this wound to heal is to forget…

 

Forget that we were supposed to pledge our undying love in front of our close friends and family. Forget that we were supposed to start our new life together as husband and wife. Forget that we were supposed to have a family. Forget that were supposed to watch our children grow up. Forget that were supposed to tell them the embarrassing story of how Mommy and Daddy first met. Forget that we were supposed to grow old together.

 

Forget her…

 

I'd rather be here where I am. One year later. Automatically going through the motions of being alive without living… realizing all over again how truly alone I really am. Once again finding myself lost, uncertain and wondering which direction in my life is to go. Being reminded all over again that when something ends, those left behind are never happy. Desperately trying to find a way to keep her silly promise to find happiness without her… and failing.

 

“Sensei, two men are here to see you.”

 

I already noticed them walk in a while ago. From the corner of my eye, I saw them wait patiently… or impatiently, depending on how you see it, by the wall near the dojo's entrance. I silently hoped that they were just passing by. But that was too much to hope for. I would assume that Galaxy Garrison colonels and lieutenants, at least according to their stripes, have more interesting hobbies than to watch insignificant non-military students sparring in insignificant non-military dojos. Not that it really mattered. But the last thing I wanted today, of all days, is to hear news that I'm being drafted to fight in some war that they've gotten us into, in a galaxy that I've never even heard of.

 

“Uh… Sensei? They said it's important.”

 

Damn. I guess I can't ignore them forever.

 

I might as well get this section of the class over with. The faster I meet them, the faster I get rid of them. I bowed and the seniors motioned to start their attack. Even though it was more like play-dancing than actual combat, I've always enjoyed sparring with my students. I suppose any teacher would be pleased to see his students learn and improve how to apply their skills after each sparring session. For a moment, I actually managed to push my two unwelcome visitors to the back of my mind.

 

But unfortunately, like all moments… it's temporary and fleeting.

 

“Five minute break. Then all belts group according to rank. Senpais, oversee your kohei.”

 

The colonel and his lieutenant stood there, both desperately trying to look imposing and full of authority, despite the expressions of awe on their faces. Five weeks ago, I probably would have been flattered. Now, I'm too annoyed to care. The last thing I wanted is to deal with them today, of all days.

 

Today is my wedding day.

 

“Well? Who're you two supposed to be?”

 

Today is a turning point in my life.

 

 

*************

End of Step Two

Continued on Step Three: Catharsis

 

Author's squawk:

 

Of the three chapters, I have to say that this is probably my favourite. Mainly because of all three, it's the one with the most symmetrical format. Yes. I've been told many times how weird I am. But I did enjoy thinking up Bev and the idea of Keith being your typical foolish youth in love for the first time. It's a great contrast to his relationship to the DD Allura. Then again, there is that saying… once bitten, twice shy. After being crushed like that, he's definitely going to be more cautions about falling in love again. And if Allura does manage to rekindle those feelings in him, we know its going to be more precious and more special… Now I kind of feel sorry for Bev. I really did like her… Ah, well… life goes on, que sera sera and all that jazz.

 

Again, thanks for reading.

 

Comments, criticisms, sacrificial offerings to the muses… to ina_chan[at]yahoo[dot]com