Weiss Kreuz Fan Fiction ❯ Don't say 'I Love You' ❯ Don't say 'I Love You' ( One-Shot )

Title- Don't say `I love you'

Author- Locura

Warrnings- OOC, K+O/O+K and light angst I think

Disclaimer- The Weiß Kreuz chara's aren't mine, I'm just barrowing them. And the song `Pieces of You' by Jewel is also not mine. And don't kill me my knowledge is limited. Don't sue me: I have nothing.

Author Notes- I don't know the chara's very well but I tired to write them as in chara as I could. I don't speak Japanese. I'm not a doctor or anything. So I'm playing by ear. Anyway enjoy!

/ / = Music lyrics

***= beginning or end

*^*= Time or scene change

***

/Please don't say I love you, those words touch me much too deeply/

He said `I love you today'. It was early in the morning, maybe five or so, when he said it. I had been half awake at the time, dosing at the computer screen after trying to hack my way into a multitude of files for information on our latest target.

He must have been walking around for a midnight snack or something when he found me there, I know for a fact that he was asleep before. He never goes out at night for clubbing, usually; unlike Yohji-kun who seems to have made clubbing his second home. Plus our relationship was slow going so there were no reasons for him to be up otherwise.

I was mostly asleep when I heard footsteps coming from the direction of the stairs and a muttered curse when the person ran into an object hidden in the gloom. I was too tired by then to move and my mind was far too muddled to think about burglars. School and two jobs will do that to you, so I opted to just stay in dreamland.

He stumbled over to me after a few moments of hesitation and I could feel him run his fingers threw my hair, as if I were a kitten. "You should take better care of yourself Omi..." he mumbled as he turned off the computer. "If you keep this pace you might get sick."

I can imagine him now standing there by the computer next to me: his eyes tired, looking down at me as the soft glow from the computer faded, and how he must of gathered me in his arms and cradled me to his chest, carefully, as if I were made of glass.

How he was able to carry me I do not know. I knew he was strong enough to hold me, having been in his arms before, but I never knew that he was strong enough to carry me. I suppose it was a side effect from playing goalie for so long or something.

I must have made some noise unconsciously when he moved me because he mumbled nonsense in my ears as he carefully carried me up the stairs to my room.

I don't remember him taking off my shirt before placing me under the covers. I can barely remember what happened next, though I'm sure my memories are right and not a foolish dream.

He smoothed the covers around me, brushed his lips against my forehead, and then stood as if unsure, seemingly about to leave but had stopped to look down at me. At that moment he whispered to me, though he did not know I was awake enough to understand the words, "Ai shiteru..."

And then he was gone.

/And they make my core tremble
Don't think you realize the effect you have over me/

He did not know. How could he? He had no idea how much those words cut into me, waking me from my half dreams and forcing me into reality again.

I jerked awake as soon as that door closed and curled into a fetal position and stayed that way until I reviewed all that I could remember of the last few minutes. And then I felt my eyes sting with the tears that I refused to let fall.

I trembled. I knew that he could not love me. That I could not let him love me, no matter what happened, he could not love me. Everyone who had, had died or abandon me. I couldn't take another one....

Uncle....

Dad....

Mother...

Brothers....

Sister....

If I acknowledged that I loved them, if they acknowledged they loved me...they'd die, they'd leave.

Ken-kun...I moaned quietly into my knees as I felt my heartache and the tears that I had tried to keep from coming began to slide down my face

And then, when I felt my heart would tear apart, I felt something click in my brain.

I had to keep him from loving me. I had to keep myself from loving him. I had to keep him safe, because I couldn't always keep him near.

It was then I made my new mission.

To keep them all safe from my curse...that's what I had to do...I had to keep them safe.

Even if that meant I had to sacrifice the only thing that made me happy, even if I had to sacrifice my heart.

And after my decision was made, I cried.

*^*

/And please don't look at me like that, it just makes me want to make you near me always/

A few hours later I found myself starring at the mirror, wiping off the telltale traces of the tears I had cried. I hadn't gotten much sleep after I had been awoken, but needed to look like I was fine.

I couldn't just change over night, now could I? If I did that they might think something was wrong. I had to gradually change so they wouldn't notice and would be safe.

Fully dressed with a smile plastered to my face I bounded down the stairs giving a fairly cheerful `morning' to Aya and Yohji who were enjoying some coffee at the kitchen and made my way to the flower shop.

I was about to run in and get to work on some of today's orders when I saw Ken standing in the doorway. And then I froze. I stared at him for a moment, trying to track down my scattered thoughts that had gone awry the moment I saw him, before brushing past him.

"Ohayo Ken-kun."

"Ohayo Omi!" I was standing now, my back towards him, working on a new arrangement that I had snatched up so quickly I think the flowers had whiplash. But even so I could feel his eyes on me. I could feel their weight on me, my hands faltered with the flowers, and I trembled a little. Not enough for anyone to see, but enough to know that killing my heart was going to be hard.

He come up behind me and draped his arms around my shoulders. "Something bothering you, angel?"

"N-no nothings wrong." I smiled up at him though I cursed myself for faltering.

"Are you sure? You seem different this morning. Worried about the next mission?" He was frowning concernly at me and I just smiled in return.

"Nothing`s wrong Ken-kun. No need to worry..." My hands went back to the flowers, as did my gaze.

But his eyes still watched me. And I wished he'd stop looking at me like that.

It only made it harder knowing I'd have to push him away soon.

*^*

/And please don't kiss me so sweet, it makes me crave a thousand kisses to follow/

I had found the information.

After hours and hours of searching we now knew were the bastards were. There were so many people out there who enjoyed toying with people. Using them for experiments and the like. And now one more sicko was going down. And a few more people would be saved.

We were all getting into position, I was hacking the computers from a tree near by the complex above a pond, while Aya, Ken, and Yohji readied to infiltrate.

It wasn't a hard mission. It wasn't supposed to be life threatening, or even nearly as hard as some of the others we've been on. But even so my stomach turned as I typed in the codes.

I was trying to push them all away. I was succeeding slowly with most. But it was still hard; knowing anyone of us could die at anytime tonight.

Everyone was ready to go and I gave the signal. And before I knew what happened Ken jumped up from his position and kissed me.

It was slow and tender, no tong play, and it took my breath away. When he pulled away we were both breathing heavily.

"Stay safe for me." He told me before running off into the building, much too quickly for me to react.

I let my breath out with a whoosh and watched it mist in the chilly air. My lips were still tingling, and I craved more. I wanted to kiss him again so badly. But again I clamped down. I couldn't get attached and had to discourage him.

But then again I wanted to be in the building. I would have gone to. I wanted to go...but...but it wasn't my job. I'd just have to hope there weren't any surprises that I hadn't uncovered.

Hopes don't last though. No matter how strong they seem.

As I listened from my branch for any signs of abnormally inside, using my computer headphones I neglected to watch myself. Which is a bad thing to do when you're alone.

I was so wrapped up in making sure the others were safe I didn't hear the footsteps come up from below. I didn't hear the man growl deep in his throat.

I didn't hear it, but Ken did. My mouthpiece was still open to transitions so that if I needed to give orders or information I could. Which was what let him to hear the man preparing to hit me over the head with a branch.

The last thing I heard coherently was "OMI! GET OUT OF THERE--"

The next thing I knew there were stars and pain...pain and gravity. Down and down I fell. I didn't know when I'd stop. I couldn't see. I couldn't stop. I couldn't feel the tree branch underneath my legs. I couldn't see. But I did feel the sharp pain from my head, and the dizzy nausea that come with it. I could feel the burning sensation by my ribs and the pain of breathing. I also felt it when I hit the water.

Pain...

And then all I could hear were the voices still coming threw the line. `I guess it was a good idea to make the ear pieces waterproof.' I thought idly as I drifted threw the water. I was confused though. The voices didn't make sense. And why couldn't I breathe? Where was the air? Which way was up?

Where was everyone?

/And please don't touch me like that, it makes every other embrace seem pale and shallow /

I didn't know what happened after that. I was wondering which way to go at one point then there was darkness.

The next thing I knew I was being held close. In a strong embrace and someone was crying softly.

"Omi...Omi..." My name was being muttered by my ear.

I didn't understand though. It was all so confusing and the world seemed to be blurred with pain. "Nani?" I moaned against the person's wet shoulder.

"Omi! You're ok, thank God!"

Ken-kun, it was Ken-kun. And at that moment I didn't care that he'd leave me at some point. I only wanted him to keep holding me. Surely no others embrace would be so strong and comforting.

But it had to come to an end, one way or another. Bare seconds later I felt my eyes drifting shut in favor for the darkness that seemed very appealing at the moment. And Ken began shaking me.

"Omi, how many fingers do you see?" I muttered something and clumsily covered my face with my hands. "You need to stay awake now. Come on Angel; open you eyes for me..."

I cried out and moaned when he shifted me so that I was lying across his lap.

"Aya, Yohji, we need to get him home. He`s got a concussion and I think some of his ribs are broken or at least bruised." I peered around with blurred vision to Aya and Yohji standing a little ways away by the tree line as well as a body on the ground.

Then he was carrying me again, holding me tight and again I didn't want him to let go. Even though the pain in my side and head hurt immensely and sleep seemed to call to me. I didn't want to sleep if I could never feel this again.

They all were talking to me, trying to keep me awake. I listened, but didn't. I didn't even try to understand what was going on.

*^*

/And please don't come so close, it just makes me want to make you near me always/
/Please don't send me flowers, they only whisper the sweet things you'd say /

They bound my ribs when we got home and each took turns watching me. Making sure I didn't fall asleep by asking me questions.

I asked about the mission after a while and found that the guy who knocked me out of the tree had been their last target. They may not have found him for a while if he hadn't attacked me. I guess that made my mistake good, in a kind of strange way.

Out of all of them in the twenty-four hours that fallowed, Ken was the one who was always near. He probably would have been there the whole time if Aya insisted they take turns and I asked him to leave after a while.

But even when he left for work beforehand he placed some flowers at my side table, close enough for me to hold if I wanted.

They were a pair of white and red roses, white for innocence and red for love and they hinted at what I feared. That he still loved me. Even if he had yet to say it to my waking face.

I was confined to my bed for four days, according to the three mother hens I seemed to have acquired from somewhere.

Aya-kun was in charge of the food, (as Yohji and Ken were disasters in that area, try as they might) Yohji-kun took over my shifts at the shop complaining the whole time, and Ken-kun made sure I stayed in bed and took my pain relievers.

/Don't try to understand me, your hands already know too much anyway/
/It just makes me want to make you near me always /

I pushed Ken away with all my might during those days. I'm sure I made him cry at least once.

I refused to stay in bed and instead would sneak out of my room whenever I could, no matter how much my side ached. I brushed off his kindness as well as I could. Though it seemed my efforts were futile.

They all thought my ill temperament was caused by my meds. I knew differently though. I needed to push him away before I got to comfortable. Before I was too happy and then would lose him.

As it had happened before.

But he never got mad. He never ran away. His eyes would grow misty from time to time when my harsh words really hit him. But he didn't leave.

He'd just run his fingers threw my hair, or rub my arms or shoulders and tell me I didn't mean it. That I didn't mean it when I said I hated him...when I told him I could never love him...that he should leave me alone.

And I guess I proved him right.

Because when he touched me, I melted. I would lean into it and grow quiet, sometimes falling asleep afterwards. And I blamed that on my pain meds.

I only saw him cry the day after I was aloud up. When my temperament did not improve. When I continued to tell him I hated him. Continued to describe why I disliked him. Continued....

And then I couldn't take it anymore. To see his coffee-colored eyes filled with tears, leaning over a pot of tiger lilies and knees trembling.

To hear his breath come raged and to see his sorrow.

All caused by me.

/And when you look in my eyes, please know my heart is in your hands
It's nothing that I understand, but when in your arms you have complete power over me/

And then I ran to him. I ran and cried in his arms. Griping him to me as if he was the only thing keeping me alive. And perhaps he was. I know I surprised him. His eyes went wide as I nestled my head into his chest and wrapped my arms around him.

I sobbed. I sobbed as I had when I heard that he loved me. I sobbed long and hard. I shuddered and trembled violently, I whimpered, I clung him to me as if he were a lifeline.

He did not know why I was crying and didn't ask. The entire time I cried he rubbed my back and tried to sooth me. It took a long time for me to get myself under control again. And when I was it took me even longer to look up at him.

My eyes were bloodshot and face red and blotchy with tears. And by looking up at him I could see his own tear tracks marring his skin. His own war wounds from my assault.

He was still rubbing my back and arms even though I had quit crying and I loved him for that.

I knew then that I couldn't stop loving him. Ever.

/So be gentle if you please 'cause your hands are in my hair, but my heart is in your teeth, baby
And it makes me want to make you near me always /

And then I told him.

We were nestled in a corner of the closed flower shop, he was holding me again and I was leaning on his chest. We listened to the storm outside for a moment in complete silence before I began.

I told him how much I loved him.

I explained what I had heard.

I told him why.

I begged him to understand.

I hugged him tight.

And kissed his neck.

He could reject me still.

And I expected it.

/Your hands are in my hair, but my heart is in your teeth, baby
And it makes me want to make you near me always /

"Ai shiteru, Ken-Ken." I whispered against his neck. "I love you forever. I love you, I love you, I love you."

I could feel his hands in my hair again. I could feel his arms tighten around my middle, though not so tight as to cause pain to the still tender ribs.

But I knew at any moment now he might pull away.

And I was scared for that.

But he chuckled, softly, deep in his throat and nosed my head. "Baka Omi. Omi no baka. You know I love you. I may be upset you for acting the way you did. But I can`t blame you. I could never stay mad at you."

"Really?" I wanted desperately it to be true.

"Really." He smiled and I felt as if my heart was melting.

"Stay with me then? We don`t have to work today. Its Sunday..." I asked, begging with my eyes.

/I want to be near you always /

"Yes. I`ll stay. But I don`t want anymore of this, `I have to save everyone from me' or `I am the cause of death', or some other such nonsense. Angel you have to let it go."

"I will...I will as long as you're always near me. As long as you never leave me."

/I want to be near you always /

"I promise, Omi. I promise that as long as I live I will never leave you, unless you truly want me to go."

I nodded and smiled up at him before lying back on his chest.

/I want to be near you always /

***

Japanese:

Ohayo- Good Morning

Nani- what?

Ai shiteru- I love you

Baka- Idiot, moron, jerk

Omi no baka- I think this is Omi you idiot, slang.