Wolf's Rain Fan Fiction ❯ true paradise ❯ the end of the beginning ( Chapter 1 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]
chapter one -the end of the beginning--tsume's point of view, reminiscing about toboe and his past, while sitting on a rock near his fallen comrade-he's really gone. it took what seemed like years for me to finally accept his death, and in that one fleeting moment, that one solitary gunshot caused the only good thing that has ever happened to me to be taken away from me forever. that one solitary gunshot.. why couldn't it have been me? why was it toboe? i was the one, the one who sent him to his death. how could he have been so stupid? i knew he had an affinity for humans, but i just didn't understand. it is impossible for my heart to not feel the pain and guilt of not being able to protect the one i loved, and i wonder now what will happen to me. my life has no meaning, there is no purpose. kiba seemed to be the only one who understood the pain i was feeling, and by doing so there is now not a single doubt in my mind who was cut out to be pack leader to begin with. even having said this, toboe was the one who brought me this far. he was the one who rescued me. he drew me away from the city. the city that had caused me to become bitter and full of hate. the city taught me a valuable lesson in the end, which was to trust in your pack, but never be too trusting. toboe was a living example of such, in that he trusted every single creature he met. in that sense, he, just like me, had to learn the hard way not to trust so easily. and yet even so, he refused to believe that i would ever betray him. he was drawn to me, and was constantly keeping me company despite my hostility towards others. i was trying to teach him not to trust so easily, but he seemed even more drawn to me. its like he thought i needed him, like as if i was all alone. no one has ever been able to figure out the way i work, and yet a child had happened to clumsily cross paths with me and figure me out the moment he saw me. i guess i was losing my touch, as the city turned me numb with the pain of loneliness. i remember at one point, back at the city, i was with a pack of humans. there was a young boy, gel, who tried to befriend me. one fateful night in the city however, he was taking drastic measures to get me to appreciate him. he tried to help out in an extremely dangerous task of stealing. to a wolf, it is nothing, but for a weak human.. well i wouldn't know how those feeble creatures go about living anyway. i tried to save him though, i tried as hard as i could. he just didn't understand. now i know. wolves are my only companions. only. toboe however, bore a distinct resemblance in personality to gel. looks couldn't be different, though, comparing toboe's sleek, beautiful wolfish appearance, with gel's stocky structure, frizzy hair, and overall childish look. even if the pack had always called him "the runt", i really doubt that any one of us was anywhere near as mature and powerful as toboe when we were that age. i still wonder if we are even fit to compare ourselves to him now. toboe has not left my mind since his sacrifice, though i haven't the slightest idea why i have such an appreciation for him now. i never knew how much he meant to me, or how much i needed him until he was gone, and i was too ashamed to admit it even to his lifeless body. i regret this now more than ever. i have the heavy burden of a lost love on my heart, and despite all the scars i have [which i remember toboe was very curious about] this one to the heart is the deepest, and it will undoubtedly kill me someday. the pain i feel now, however, makes death seem like something to be glad for. death will be my escape.