X/1999 Fan Fiction ❯ Emptiness ❯ One-Shot

Author's Note: This is a short Arashi fic, set after Volume 17. Rather depressing. I feel that if Arashi did acknowledge her love for Sorata she would not feel lightly about it. Of course, if something happened to Sorata, as inevitably will…I don't know how she would be able to handle it.

Emptiness

She was barely even aware of where her feet were taking her. The evening was rather chilly, and she shivered slightly in the wind, her school uniform offering inadequate protection from the cold. She should have worn a coat, the girl absently thought, but it was so hard to pay attention to anything these days. Eating, sleeping, thinking…all had become things she only did when prodded.

Now she was on her own. No fellow Seals to fuss over her, give sidelong glances and whisper to each other before coming over to ask if she would like to go out for a walk and talk about the weather with Aoki, if she would help Yuzuriha with her homework, if she wanted Karen to do something pretty with her hair.

Kamui understood, to a certain extent. But he still had his Wish. He had hope, and he had love, for both Subaru and the Fuuma who had been.

She had left.

It had simply been too hard act normal, to pretend that she was still alive, not just a dead shell walking around, animated by memories of duty - what had she wanted to protect? - and love - the echo of that particular memory was growing fainter every day.

…when he had looked at her like that she had felt warm and safe inside, though she had never shown it. she had trusted him, because when their eyes had met she had been certain she would never be hungry or cold again, as long as he was there…

The park was empty. Winter was coming and the trees were losing their beauty, yet one still kept its blossoms. She made her way towards that tree, easily found, guided by pink petals drifting on the wind.

She stopped and gazed first at the sakura, then at her palms. Concentrating, she tried to call on the power within her, to form a spirit pyramid. The failure brought her only the faintest feeling of regret, and soon enough that was gone as well, leaving behind nothing.

"You know, Sumeragi-san." She kept her eyes on the tree. "You know what it is like, losing your special person. Seeing that person fade away, his blood on your hands, and being aware for every one of those last seconds that nothing you can do can bring him back."

…they had not know what they had been doing, neither of them, but there had been something special about learning together, fumbling with buttons and trying so carefully not to press too hard on his injuries…she had tried to keep calm, but that had been impossible. it had been almost painfully sweet and new, and when she listened to him breathe slowly in his sleep she had smiled, and dreamed, and found that everything she had fought to protect meant nothing when compared to this...

"Yes. " She did not turn even at the sound of his footsteps. "It seems you have learned, as I did."

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, the words stirring something inside her that she had thought buried. A final flicker of compassion in her soul. "I pray…" she whispered. "I pray that the people I once cared for never find true love. That is the greatest cruelty there is, for if you lose that love nothing remains."

She faced him then, looked into eyes as dead as hers. "Take me to our Kamui. I can no longer find anything in this world worth protecting."