X-Men Fan Fiction ❯ Ordinary World ❯ Chapter 2

Logan may appear OOC in this chap.

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~ Passion or coincidence once prompted you to say ~

Rogue stepped onto the porch of her cottage and stared out towards the ocean as rain pounded on the roof above her.  In the distance, the heavens were showcasing a spectacular light display.  Rogue smiled to herself as she replayed a memory from her recent past.

* flashback *

Rogue and Remy were sitting on the porch, she in his lap with his arms wrapped around her waist and chin on her shoulder.  They gazed upon the horizon and the approaching weather front.  The lightening high above the clouds gave off beautiful hues of peach and cream as the lovers stared in wide-eyed awe.

"If I didn' know better, chere, I'd swear Stormy be puttin' on a show for us, non?" he cooed in her ear.

"I do believe yore right, sugah." Rogue laid her head back on his shoulder and stared at the clouds through hooded eyes.

* end flashback *

Leaning against the porch rail, she sighed and rested the side of her head against the column.  She wiped away a tear that had escaped down her cheek and tried to make herself understand exactly why everything had deteriorated.  "I know why" she sobbed to herself.  "Cause I try to control every little thing in my life, including Remy." 

~ "pride will tear us both apart" ~

They had been fighting again.  She had accused him of being selfish, of not considering her needs.  Worst of all, she had minimized his childhood experiences.  She remembered the expression in his face and the look in his eyes when she said it.  Immediately, she wished she could take the words back.  But they were out there, hanging in the air like smog on a hot summer day.  And just like pollution and heat, the words sparked a very short fuse that threatened to blow outwards destroying everything in its path.  Before that could happen, though, he slammed into their bedroom and gathered some clothes in a duffel bag.  He passed her as she stood there in shock, pausing only a moment at the front door when he heard her sniffle.  Then he was gone.

She wondered why she had to push so hard.  Sure, she wanted her dream.  It had always been ever since she was a little girl.  But, was it fair to force her dream onto someone else?  A sudden chill overtook her and she wrapped her arms around her shoulders, rubbing her hands up and down her arms.  It had been two days since they had argued, two days since he left.  And she missed him terribly.  Never had she felt so alone.

~ Well now pride's gone out the window cross the rooftops, run away, ~

These past two days had given her time to think.  If there was one thing Rogue knew she needed to learn was compromise.  That's an understatement she thought to herself.  After all, they were sharing this life together.  It couldn't always be about her.  But knowing this truth and actually practicing it were two different matters altogether.  She had always been alone, even when surrounded by friends.  Her inability to touch skin to skin made her a prisoner in her own body, isolated from ever truly connecting with any living soul.  That is until a certain Cajun charmer made her his personal mission.  She was the ultimate challenge for him, and in the end he won.  "But was the prize worth it" she scoffed.

* flashback *

"C'mon Remy!  Don't ya think ya'll regret it later in life if we don't have children?  Like we missed out on something wonderful?"  Rogue crossed her arms in front of her chest as her brows furrowed in irritation.

"Y' don' miss what y' never had, girl" was his answer.

"What about when we get older, sugah?  If we don't have kids, then who'll take care of us when we can't take care of ourselves?" she questioned.

"Just cause y' have chil'uns, don' mean dey be stickin' around t' take care of y' when y' old" he answered.

"Think about all the joy and good times. Think about watching our children grow into something that makes us proud." She struggled to sway him to her side.

"T'ink about all de pain and heartache.  T'ink about watching our chil'uns make de same mistakes we made cause dey won't listen t' y'."  Remy was not easily swayed.

She turned her head away from him as her throat hitched.  She needed to pause to keep from breaking down in the middle of this conversation. Remy sighed heavily and lowered his chin.  Closing his eyes, he spoke again.  "Love takes work, Rogue.  Y' have a fallin' out wit your kinfolk, y' don' resolve it quick, dat be all she wrote on your relationship wit dem."

She turned and looked at him, her brilliant green eyes glistening with the tears that were threatening to flow.  "That won't happen, hun.  The love we would have for our kids would be strong enough to overcome and survive any obstacle, just like it's done for us."

And he couldn't find any words to respond. 

* end flashback *

~ Left me in the vacuum of my heart. ~

Rogue took one last look at the veil of water pouring down from the sky before turning to retreat into the house.  She slowly made her way to their bedroom and looked at the king size bed.  She just couldn't stay in this room tonight, not without him.  Grabbing her nightgown, she moved to the guest bedroom and pulled back the covers.  After discarding her clothing and donning the bedtime attire, she crawled under the blanket and lay flat on her back, staring at the ceiling. 

~ What is happening to me? ~

Why did I have to drive him away? she asked herself.  He did, after all, have some valid points.  Maybe it was too soon to be discussing a family.  But, she had spent all her life searching for the very thing they fought about - a family of her own.  Sure, she had found a family unit among the X-Men.  She did not minimize those relationships at all.  Her time with the X-Men was precious and special, something she would never forget.  As far as she was concerned, she would always be a member of the X-Men clan and they could always count on her for anything.  But, it's not the same as having a family of your very own flesh and blood.  Why couldn't he see that?

~ Crazy, some'd say, ~

* flashback *

"I just want us to have a NORMAL life, Remy.  Is that TOO much to ask?" she argued.  Her irritation and frustration were getting to her, the results spilling out in her raised tone of voice.

"We're NOT normal, Rogue.  We're MUTANTS."  He too felt like banging his head against a brick wall.

"But, we don't have our powers anymore" she pointed out.

"Dat don' mean not'ing, chere.  We still carry de X-gene" he countered.

"SO WHAT?!  We can still live like normal people.  No one's gonna know what's in our blood!"  The shade of red in her face was beginning to darken as her anger welled up inside.

"LOOK AT ME, ROGUE."  Remy yanked off his sunshades, wincing at the influx of light to his sensitive pupils.  "DO I LOOK NORMAL T' YOU??"  His red-on-black eyes flashed a brilliant fire making it easy to see why he had been called Le Diable Blanc. 

She seemed to deflate right before his eyes and he took a deep breath to calm himself.  "Chere, maybe y' can get away wit' lookin' normal, but dere's no way dat will work for me.  And any chil'uns we have gonna run de risk of havin' a physical mutation like deir pere.  Do y' really want to bring a chile into dis world and subject dem to dat kinda discrimination?"

"Ya selfish bastard.  Just because YOU had a bad experience growing up don't mean our kids will.  Why can't ya see how much this means to me, consider MY needs, swamp rat" she spat at him without thinking.  Instantly she knew she had gone too far. 

His mouth tightened into a grim line and a muscle twitched in his jaw.  He glared at her with a fury she had not seen before.  He turned and walked quickly into their bedroom, yanking a duffel bag from the closet.  He tore open the dresser and pulled out some clothing, shoving it into the bag forcefully.  Grabbing some toiletries from the bathroom sink, he zipped the bag closed and headed for the door.  He didn't spare her a glance as he walked past her, but paused at the door for a moment as she began sobbing behind him.  Lowering his head briefly, he took in a deep breath and moved past the threshold, slamming the door behind him. 

And then, Rogue did break down.

* end flashback *

~ Where is my friend when I need you most? ~

~ Gone away... ~

She hadn't meant it.  She was just angry.  They were just words that fell from her mouth, meant to inflict pain.  She hadn't been thinking rationally.  Continuing to look at the patterns on the ceiling, she reflected on the conversation and began to cry.  I'm such an idiot she thought bitterly.  Of all the people in this world, she knew that she was the only one who really knew what his childhood was like.  After all, she had absorbed his memories on more than one occasion.  Even with all the misery and resentment she seemed to harbor towards her own youth, it was nothing compared to what he had endured in his early years.  No one could understand what it was like for him.  And though she had his memories and had seen first hand, she knew that she could never truly understand what it was like or how it felt either.  Those experiences were scars on his psyche, festering wounds that never healed fully and always threatened to reopen at the most inopportune time.  It took these last two days to fully realize why he was so opposed to children.  She couldn't blame him really.  How does that saying go - the sins of the father….? 

As she continued staring into nothing, she remembered a conversation she had once, long ago with Logan.  He was a man of few words and didn't often dispense advice, but when he did you were wise to take heed.

*flashback*

"Stripes, ya in here?" Logan called to her as he entered her room without knocking.

"Yeh, Logan.  I'm here.  What ya need, sugah?" She replied looking up from the magazine she was reading.

"I need to talk to ya about Icicle, darlin'.  Ya hurt his feelings pretty bad with what ya said."  He gave her a fatherly expression full of disappointment.

Rogue lowered her eyes from his intense gaze.  "I know.  I didn't mean it.  He just made me so damn mad."

"Yeh, he can drive a nun to drink.  But still, dontcha think ya went a little overboard?"

"I guess.  But, it's done now.  Not like I can take it back.  He'll get over it eventually.  He always does." Her smile didn't quite reach her eyes as she looked up at him.

He grunted and then moved over to sit beside her on the bed.  He turned to face her and grabbed her gloved hand to squeeze.  "Let me tell ya a little story, darlin'.  There once was a little boy who had a bad temper. His father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, he must hammer a nail into the back of the fence.  The first day the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence."

Rogue cocked an eyebrow and said "Yeh, well, that's real interesting, sugah."

He ignored her comment and continued with the story.  "Over the next few weeks, as he learned to control his anger, the number of nails hammered daily gradually dwindled down.  He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence.  Finally the day came when the boy didn't lose his temper at all. He told his father about it and the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper."

Rogue's face twisted in exasperation.  Blowing a strand of hair out of her face she cocked her head and looked into his eyes.  "Is this story going somewhere, Logan?"

He growled low in his throat, trying to hold onto his own temper, and replied, "Yeh, darlin'.  Just humor me a minute.  The days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone.  The father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence.  He said, 'Ya've done well, my son, but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same.'"

With that he stopped and smiled a feral grin at her.   Confusion graced her brows and her mouth formed a grim line.  "So what's that got to do with the argument between me and Bobby, Logan?"

Wolverine moved his hand over his face, ending up with it resting on his chin.  "Told Chuck I ain't good with this mentoring crap."  Glancing over at her, he sighed and suddenly looked his considerable age.  "Listen, darlin', when ya say things in anger, they leave a scar just like the holes in that fence. Ya can put a knife in a man and draw it out.  It won't matter how many times ya say I'm sorry, the wound is still there.  A verbal wound is as bad as a physical one." 

Seeing the understanding in her face, he smiled again and patted her hand before leaving her to her thoughts.

* end flashback *

~ But I won't cry for yesterday, there's an ordinary world, ~

~ Somehow I have to find. ~

With a heavy sigh, she turned to look at the cordless phone she brought with her into the guest room.  If only he would call her to let her know where he was, she would apologize profusely for the sharp words she didn't mean and for the pain she had caused.  It hurt when he had left.  It hurt that he stayed away for several days.  But mostly it hurt when he didn't tell her where he was going.  She knew he probably didn't go far, most likely a nearby motel.  But, it still hurt.

From somewhere deep inside, a determination arose and nearly took her breath away.  She wouldn't let this destroy them.  No, tomorrow she would start to track him down.  She would find him and make this right.  If he didn't want to have children, she wouldn't force the issue anymore.  Right now, the most important thing in her life was him, and she would make him see that.  With a new resolve, Rogue reached over to the lamp on the nightstand and clicked it off.  Pulling the covers up, she rolled to her side and drifted off to the sounds of thunder.

~ And as I try to make my way, to the ordinary world... ~

~ I will learn to survive. ~

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