Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction ❯ As If! ❯ Champion vs. Creator, Pt. 2 ( Chapter 25 )
*Author's Note: As an apology for the lateness and shortness of the last chapter, this one is a day early and the length of the original two. Hopefully it's pretty funny, too. There was at least one or two things in here that made me laugh when I read over them... As always, feedback on this is greatly appreciated!
The last three minutes of this were really hard to mock. If you know me, and have ever talked to me about Yu-Gi-Oh!, then you know that I'm a really big fan of angst. I adore the stuff. Which, of course, is why I watch the show. So the last three minutes of this were really just great in my eyes... I could barely think of anything to say other than "aww! You meanie!" and such stuff. You either have to love Kaiba for his loyalty or hate him for his unfairness, that's what I say. I, for one, adore the guy. He didn't even cry when he lost... poor, poor, heartbroken Kaiba...
Er, anyway, to the goal of giving credit where credit is due, that "... frightens and confuses me" line I used in the last chapter was taken from the computer game Escape from Monkey Island. My friends tend to attribute it to me because I use it all the time, even though I tell them that it was originally "That pig-shaped bush frightens and confuses me." Ahh, how I love that line...
Okay, more than enough ranting. I think I'll let you all go read now, if you aren't already. I hope you like it!*
*Scene: The cheerleaders are discussing Pegasus's Millennium Eye.*
Joey: Wow, Yugi. I know you said that thing had magical powers, but I didn't know that it could help him win duels, too.
Tristan: "Too?" So what else does it do?
Mai: Well, it's a total babe-magnet, for one. *fans herself with her hand* Whoo-ee!
*There's a longish, silent pause while they consider that.*
Joey: Um, ew.
*Scene: Then they talk about Kaiba's chances.*
Yugi: He may be trailing now, but he didn't get to be world champion without learning a few comeback tricks.
Kaiba: Actually, Yugi, I always just pound people from the start. My Blue-Eyes Whites aren't just for show.
Yugi: Huh. Pity.
Pegasus: Yes, quite.
Kaiba: Shut up.
Yugi: We weren't talking to you.
Pegasus: But I was being nice! ...relatively.
*Scene: Pegasus has a slight tendency to run at the mouth.*
Pegasus: Tell me something, my old friend, did you like watching cartoons in your youth? *Kaiba says nothing* Is that a "no?" *Kaiba remains silent* Wow, "yes?" Really? *Kaiba doesn't even move* I just can't believe that! Oh, Kaiba... How you could say such a thing is beyond me!
*Scene: Pegasus is horrified that Kaiba doesn't watch cartoons.*
Pegasus: Kaiba, you're even more cold-hearted than I thought.
Cheerleaders: We knew!
Yugi: Even if it is rather like the pot calling the kettle black.
Yami: Yeah, I know. Although, they're both more kind of grey...
*Scene: Pegasus rants about Funny Bunny, until Kaiba finally snaps.*
Kaiba: Just make your move!
Pegasus: *laughs* But Kaiba, that is my move.
Kaiba: Your move's a cartoon?
Pegasus: Not exactly. But I'll forfeit my turn if you listen to more about Funny Bunny. Ahh, how it delights me, even now. There was this one time...
Kaiba: Aaaaaahh!! Just move! PLEASE!
Pegasus: ...and then the dynamite (heehee!) exploded right in his face...
Kaiba: *bangs his head against the arena, tears rolling down his cheeks* Just make it stop...
*Scene: Rant finished, Pegasus starts to resume play...*
Kaiba: Your move's a cartoon?
Pegasus: Not just a cartoon, you simpleton. An entire magical cartoon world!
Kaiba: *baffled* You're still obsessed with cartoons and you're calling me a simpleton?
Yugi: I dunno, but that really sounded wrong being so dramatic...
*Scene: ...and then he actually plays.*
Pegasus: Welcome, Kaiba, to Toon World!
Kaiba: Uhh, no, I'm gonna stay out here, thanks...
*Scene: We get a look at Toon World.*
Mai: That place doesn't exactly look child-friendly. All those tombstones and dark towers? Yuck.
Bakura: I kind of like it.
*Mai goes bug-eyed.*
*Scene: Back to the cheerleaders.*
Joey: I've never even heard of this wacky card.
Mai: And which of us here is surprised?
*Scene: More cheerleader talk.*
Mai: Bad hare day.
Téa: *confused* But the Dark Rabbit looks the same as before...
Mai: Forget it, hun. You're hopeless.
*Scene: Even MORE chitchat, this time about how Pegasus has the only copy of Toon World.*
Téa: Well, that's not fair!
Yugi: He'll keep doing this for the entire duel.
Bandit Keith: Hey, it's as fair as the Crush Card, in my book. And Kaiba's about to get crushed.
*Scene: The Blue-Eyes White Dragon becomes the Blue-Eyes Toon Dragon.*
Kaiba: Aah! My Blue-Eyes!
Téa: *looks at Kaiba closely* They look fine to me...
Mai: More than fine! *giggle*
*Scene: Kaiba's horror knows no bounds.*
Kaiba: No! You've stripped him of his pride! *clenches his fists to keep from crying, or punching someone*
Bakura: *calls down* Step to the side and you can end all your pain!
Kaiba: *tightly* Don't... tempt... me...
Bakura: *chants* Jump, jump, jump...
Téa: *slaps her hand over his mouth* Stop that!
*Scene: Pegasus insists that not only is the Blue-Eyes more powerful now, but it's also cuddlier.*
Joey: Of all the things that Blue-Eyes is, cuddly sure ain't one of them.
Yugi: For once, I think that Kaiba would agree.
Kaiba: What? I've never called him "cuddly!"
*Scene: The newly "improved" monster bounces around giggling.*
Téa: Wow. Talk about hyperactive.
Kaiba: That's just disgusting...
*Scene: The Blue-Eyes Toon Dragon causes mayhem and madness.*
Pegasus: How embarrassing. A world champion blasted by a caricature of his own most trusted beast!
Kaiba: But I thought you liked him better this way.
Pegasus: Er, well... um... I have your brother! Hahahahaha!
Téa: *sighs* Oh, Pegasus.
Pegasus: How embarrassing. A world champion blasted by a caricature of his own most trusted beast!
Kaiba: Well, if it was your most trusted beast, it wouldn't be funny, now would it?
*Scene: Cuts to the cheerleaders are every three seconds, as required by law.*
Tristan: Tell me, how do you think Pegasus is cheating?
Joey: I dunno. Maybe he has some hidden cameras set up in here.
Yami: *takes over from Yugi* We've told you a dozen times that it's the Eye! By the Gods! You're all a bunch of morons! *stomps off angrily as everyone else cowers*
*Scene: Kaiba plays another Blue-Eyes White Dragon.*
Pegasus: *claps* Oh, this is going to be such fun. A Blue-Eyes attacking his Toon counterpart? There's no end to the zany antics that could ensue from this.
Blue-Eyes Toon Dragon: You want to go off and get a soda or something?
Blue-Eyes White Dragon: It would be my pleasure! *They walk off, touching wings.*
*Scene: Kaiba's Blue-Eyes White attacks Pegasus's Blue-Eyes Toon.*
Joey: What was dat?
Mai: That Toon just stretched out of the way.
Téa: Well, they were equally matched, anyway. Kaiba wouldn't have won.
Tristan: *sweatdrops* Oh, yeah, huh.
*Scene: Back for another moment with the duelists.*
Pegasus: You should have watched more cartoons, Kaiba. The cuddliest creature never, ever gets hit.
Téa: Wow, the Blue-Eyes Toon Dragon is the cuddliest? What about a Toon Beaver Warrior, or... or... Kuriboh?
Mai: Kuriboh's cuddly enough already! *picks up a passing one and huggles it*
Kuriboh: *happily* Squeeee!
Joey: Oh, yeah, go ahead and taunt me while you still can, you liddle furball...
*Scene: Cartoon-talk prolongs Pegasus's screentime.*
Pegasus: In 3013 episodes of Funny Bunny, Ruff Gruff McDog never laid a paw on our cuddly hero.
Kaiba: What?! You spent over two months of your life watching that one show?!
Pegasus: Actually, it was an hour long, not half that.
*Kaiba gibbers madly.*
Pegasus: And don't forget the reruns! They were on weekday afternoons...
*Scene: Pegasus starts talking strategy. Finally.*
Pegasus: Let's see here. He's folded his hands, so I can no longer look through his eyes to see what cards he holds.
Kaiba: Actually, I've crossed my arms, not folded my hands.
Pegasus: Ohh, yes. In that case, I'll have no problems at all!
Kaiba: Damn it...
*Scene: A bit more.*
Pegasus: You see, a duelist of Kaiba's experience has long since memorized his entire deck.
Kaiba: Who are you talking to?
Pegasus: *blinks* Funny Bunny, of course.
Pegasus: A duelist of Kaiba's experience has long since memorized his entire deck.
Yami: Hey, it's not my fault that I have to use a deck that I don't know!
*Scene: Some more.*
Pegasus: So I don't need to look through his eyes to see what cards he keeps. I just need to look through his mind!
Kaiba: And if I play a card that you haven't had time to prepare against yet? There are many possibilities.
Pegasus: No, you'll be sure to pick the best one. Nice Catch-22, don't you think?
*Scene: Rant finished, Pegasus can move on.*
Pegasus: I'll play this. A new addition to Toon World. The Shine Palace!
Mai: Now that's a bit prettier than the old Toon World, at least.
Bakura: But it's so plain...
*Scene: The Shine Palace seriously beefs up the Toon Dragon.*
Mai: I'm no cartoon expert, but exploding volcano biceps? That's bad, right?
*The other cheerleaders look among themselves for a moment, and then shrug.*
Joey: Nothin' I can say would beat that.
*Scene: Kaiba plays Shadow Spell.*
Pegasus: How dare Kaiba shackle a free and wondrous spirit such as my Blue-Eyes Toon?
Kaiba: *smirks* You're the cartoon fan. I just play card games, and I'd never do that to a Blue-Eyes White.
*Scene: The cheerleaders are impressed by Kaiba's skill, as he destroys the Blue-Eyes Toon Dragon.*
Kaiba: *looks at them oddly* I am the world champion, you dolts.
*Scene: Kaiba mourns the death of his old Dragon.*
Kaiba: Now do you understand that nothing will stop me from rescuing my brother, Pegasus? Even destroying my own Blue-Eyes.
Pegasus: Actually, this would be destroying your Blue-Eyes. *takes the card and rips it to shreds*
Yugi: Heh... kinda serves him right for destroying my grandpa's!
*Scene: More mourning.*
Pegasus: Aww, Kaiba-boy. Your Blue-Eyes White Dragons mean so very much to you, don't they? Well, as creator of Duel Monsters, I'm truly touched by your devotion.
Yami: I'm just impressed that people think a wimped-out version with cards is interesting!
*Scene: Pegasus plays the Dragon Capture Jar.*
Pegasus: This will make two Blue-Eyes I've stolen from you, won't it? How you must hate me.
Téa: Maybe he should go to therapy, if he's trying so hard to be disliked.
Joey: Or a good kick to the head might help.
*Scene: Pegasus just played the Dragon Piper in Defense Mode.*
Yugi: That can only mean one thing...
Kaiba: ...Pegasus is planning to draw my dragon under his control.
Mai: Aww, that's so cute! You two would make a great couple.
Yami: That's what I keep trying to tell him!
*Scene: Kaiba's Swordstalker attacks the Dragon Piper.*
Pegasus: Did you forget about the magic card I just played? Didja? It's a little doodad called "Doppelganger." It can copy anything on the field. I think I'll have it copy your Crush Card.
Téa: Huh? Why is the Crush Card still on the field? It didn't work!
Tristan and Bakura: *singsong, together* Duelist logic!
*Scene: Again to the cheerleaders.*
Yugi: Hurry up and call off your attack, Kaiba! It's a trap!
Kaiba: *rolls eyes* I know it is, Yugi, but I can't stop mid-attack because of a trap card, you fool.
*Scene: The cheerleaders sure are popular, aren't they?*
Joey: I don't believe it! Kaiba's getting done in by the same card that he tried to beat Yugi with!
Bandit Keith: Live by the sword, die by the sword, that's what I say.
*Scene: Kaiba pulls Reborn the Monster out of the mess of cards.*
Kaiba: All my cards, gone. This is the only one left that the virus didn't affect, so it's the only card I can play.
Yugi: Wow. I could've sworn he had more magic cards than that, but I guess not...
*Scene: Poor Kaiba. Poor, poor Kaiba...*
Kaiba: Forgive me, Mokuba. I am so sorry.
Mokuba: Noo, I don't think I'm gonna be doing that.
*Scene: Pegasus pulls out an empty soul-card.*
Kaiba: What is that?
Pegasus: It is the final fate of your soul, Seto Kaiba.
Kaiba: Uhh, I don't like the sound of that. Bye! *turns and runs, full speed*
Pegasus: *kicks the arena* Why, that idiotic little double-crossing, cowardly excuse of a millionaire! Curse him! Ruining my fun.
*Scene: Pegasus, sadly, succeeds in sealing away Kaiba's soul.*
Pegasus: Take away that empty shell. Téach it to wash dishes or something.
Goon: But it can't even walk!
Pegasus: Well, then dress him up for a tea-party! I said "or something" for a reason, you know.
*Scene: Back to our favorite group.*
Yugi: He's gone, too. Just because he was only trying to help his little brother out.
Pegasus: Mm, yeah. If we were playing for something actually important, like money, then I would have played more fairly. Had to do something to make it interesting, though.
*Scene: Yugi is NOT happy.*
Yugi: Why, Pegasus? Who are you to toy with our friends, our families?
Pegasus: Why do you think everything revolves around you? I have other acquaintances, you know. Maybe this has to do with them.
*Scene: Yugi transforms, and Pegasus thinks about how powerful he is.*
Pegasus: But even so, with the power of my Millennium Eye, nothing will keep me from victory!
Téa: If all you wanted was to be undefeated, why did you set up the tournament in the first place?
Pegasus: Well, it wasn't the only reason, you know. There was also, uh...
Joey: Duelist logic.
Pegasus: Yeah, that!
*Scene: One more, last time.*
Pegasus: With the power of my Millennium Eye, nothing will keep me from victory. Not even Yugi and his Millennium Puzzle!
Bakura: *sighs* I've been doing some thinking, Yugi, and I've decided to lend you my Millennium Ring. Maybe it will help you more than it's helped me.
Yami: *takes it* Thank you. What do you say now, Pegasus?
Pegasus: Ahh, shit. You can't just do that, can you?