Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction ❯ As If! ❯ Give up the Ghost ( Chapter 9 )
Anime/Manga: Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Comedy | Type: Spamfic | Uploaded On: 10.27.2002 | Pages: 4 | Words: 2.9K | Visits: 919 | Status: Completed
*Author's Note: Catling here. Darko's off stealing stuff. She left a message -- she's posting up the old chapters up to Evil Spirit of the Ring since people want them. But she'll only write Evil Spirit if she gets at least three new scenes given to her by fans for it. I told her this was hypocritical since she gets offended when people refuse to post new chapters until they get ten reviews, and she told me to shut up. I also pointed out that it was stupid, because getting three scenes should be dead easy. She said the same thing. I then suggested that she was just working on the old eps to avoid having to write for Rebecca. She threatened to cut my tail off.
Whatever.
I'm gonna go break into her catnip stash now. Bye.*
*Scene: Yami Kaiba was just plain lying when he said he knew which hat the Dark Magician was in.*
Yami: There are still three Magical Hats left on the field, and one of them holds a special surprise, just for you.
Joey: *teasing* Aww, isn't that sweet!
*Scene: Yami hides a trap card next to the Dark Magician.*
Joey: You're taking a big gamble, Yugi.
Tristan: If he guesses right, it's over!
Téa: What, are you trying to get yourselves promoted to Head Cheerleaders of the Opposition, or something?
*Scene: Time to roll the dice.*
Yami Kaiba: Blue-Eyes White Dragon, attack the middle hat!
Yami: Heh. Well, now you've done it! Activated my trap card, that is.
Téa: Wow, Yugi! How did you know he'd attack that hat?
Yami: It's quite simple, actually. He would far rather be attacking me than my monsters, so he aimed for the hat right in front of me.
*Scene: The trap is revealed to be Yugi's favorite.*
Yami: A Blue-Eyes White Dragon is normally unstoppable, but once drained of its energy by the Spellbinding Circle, it's no match for the full power of my Dark Magician!
Yami Kaiba: Yes, obviously. If it had still been invincible, I wouldn't have been growling, now would I?
*Scene: Yami looks adorable right through here, as Yami Kaiba reveals another Blue-Eyes.*
Joey: Whoa...
Tristan: Another one?
Téa: And here I thought you had to draw first.
*Scene: Yami Kaiba offers more "proof."*
Yami Kaiba: You know, I couldn't believe it when you beat all three of my Blue-Eyes White Dragons with Exodia, but now without that monster in your deck, there's absolutely no way you can win.
Téa: Oh, come on! Once again, something that would sound far better if Yugi hadn't just destroyed a Blue-Eyes White Dragon with complete grace and ease.
*Scene: Kaiba's mansion.*
Computer: You were right, Yugi Moto is in this duel.
Kaiba: Can you show it to me onscreen?
Computer: You should know -- you programmed me!
Kaiba: *fondly* Yeah, I did.
*Scene: The most meaningless graphs appear.*
Computer: I think the part you'll find most interesting is the name of Yugi's opponent.
Kaiba: What?! Is this your idea of a joke?
Computer: It depends. Did you think it was funny?
*Scene: The duelists, of course, are Yugi Muto and Seto Kaiba.*
Computer: I never joke. Sensors indicate that the opponent opposite Yugi is registered as Seto Kaiba.
Kaiba: *sighs* I just can't stand fanboys.
*Scene: A brief recap for Seto.*
Computer: The imposter has his second Blue-Eyes White Dragon on the field. Yugi defeated the first one using a combination of the Dark Magician and Magical Hats.
Kaiba: What? But Magical Hats doesn't increase attack points! *looks over the data* Oh, Spellbinding Circle. I see.
Computer: Picky, picky.
*Scene: Kaiba is stunned.*
Kaiba: But without Exodia, Yugi can't win. He has no other cards left in his deck that can beat the Blue-Eyes White Dragon, let alone two of them.
Computer: Speaking of which, did you ever pause to consider that it might be unsportsmanly to have such a clearly unbeatable deck?
Kaiba: This really isn't the right time for another of your lectures...
*Scene: Some sensible talk.*
Computer: Well, then, I hope you have a plan.
Kaiba: Yes, but we've got to work fast, so let me stand here and spend the next five or ten minutes explaining how it works.
*Scene: Fortunately, it's working fast that matters, not how long they talk before they get started.*
Kaiba: Upload a virus into that monster's holo-computer.
Computer: "That monster's?" It's the same holo-computer for all the cards.
Kaiba: Actually, I was referring to the imposter.
*Scene: Same dealie.*
Kaiba: Upload a virus into that monster's holo-computer. That dragon is about to get sick. Real sick.
Computer: Standing by. But just so you know, I feel really badly about doing this.
Kaiba: *groans* A computer with a sense of social responsibility...
*Scene: Back to the public taunting.*
Yami: *thinking* I don't have any monsters that can withstand his Blue-Eyes White Dragon. *groans* This could be it.
Yami Kaiba: This duel is over, Yugi. I'm sure we'll be hearing the fat lady sing right after your turn.
Yami: You know, I had been going to concede, but now you've just made me mad.
*Scene: Yami plays the Feral Imp.*
Kaiba: I wish Yugi'd waited a few more seconds before moving. Isn't there anything you can do to get that virus uploaded faster?
Computer: It's not my fault! You're the one slowing down my processor by making me talk so much!
*Scene: Cheerleaders on BEWD vs. DM.*
Tristan: Hang on! Yugi can still win this.
Joey: Don't forget, he beat Kaiba last time.
Téa: Yes, but this time he's got only five hundred life points and not a single thing he can do! A bit different, don't you think?
Joey: I don't see how.
*Scene: This Blue-Eyes White Dragon is a little more oppositional-defiant than the first.*
Computer: The virus is taking effect. Blue-Eyes White Dragon's attack power is beginning to drop.
Kaiba: But it's still too strong. It has to get weaker, or it'll still beat Yugi.
Computer: What were you expecting when you wrote a slow-acting virus? "Have it drop the points all at once," I said, but did you listen? Nooo...
*Scene: Blue-Eyes White Dragons tend to melt easily, it seems.*
Yami: Why, I don't believe it. I never even thought of this way of cheating.
*Scene: Kemo radios in, less than happy.*
Croquet: How did Yugi do that?
Pegasus: It wasn't Yugi, it was Seto Kaiba. It seems he went to the trouble of booby-trapping all the arenas so that something like this wouldn't happen. *sighs* I just knew I should have hired an independent contractor...
*Scene: Kaiba's computer is more than cautiously optimistic.*
Kaiba: Alright, now let's get to work on Dragon Number Three.
Computer: Now how are we supposed to do that?
Kaiba: Uhhh... lots of busy work until it's actually played, I'd say.
*Scene: The most awful words a computer would ever have to utter.*
Computer: Looks like we've been hacked!
*Dozens of annoying and offense cartoons yammering "Hey, Kaiba!" appear over all the screens.*
Kaiba: Ugh! It's Pegasus!
Computer: Looks more like lots of pink rabbits than winged horses, to me.
*Scene: Half a dozen of Pegasus's lackeys break into Kaiba's house.*
Goon 1: Let's go!
Goon 2: Cover me!
Goon 3: *wanders in; sarcastically* Yeah, that vase of flowers looks absolutely treacherous.
*Scene: The Blue-Eyes White Dragon attacks.*
Kaiba: *pounds his fists down angrily* Yugi!
Yami: *third eye glowing* Kaiba?
Kaiba: *blinks* Yugi?
Yami: *smiles; fondly* Kaiba.
Téa: *sarcastic* Most thrilling conversation I've heard all week.
*Scene: Theory time.*
Computer: The Blue-Eyes White Dragon is destroyed, but the virus was not responsible.
Kaiba: Then how? Did Yugi Moto somehow do this?
Computer: How could he? It is your deck.
Kaiba: It's the heart of the cards. Yugi was right.
*Surface view*
Yami Kaiba: Why? Why me?!
Yami: Why? Because Kaiba is still alive. He stopped you!
Yugi: *having learned the beautiful art of listening in to psychic exchanges* Okay, so we have, what? Virus, Kaiba psychically, Heart of the Cards, and you cheating? That's a lot of theories, even without going into fate or act of God. Which is right?
Yami: *sighs* Whichever makes you happiest, aibou...
*Scene: A slightly different view.*
Computer: The Blue-Eyes White Dragon is destroyed, but the virus was not responsible.
Kaiba: Then how?
Computer: Easy -- there's a bug in the attack codes of the Blue-Eyes White Dragons.
Kaiba: *blinks* Well, good thing I didn't end up going, then. That would have been embarrassing.
*Scene: Mokuba is vindicated. He really is a sweetie, isn't he?*
Mokuba: My brother is alive!
Téa: What's going on?
Mokuba: It's like Yugi said. Last time Yugi dueled my brother, he showed Seto the Heart of the Cards. This faker may have taken his deck, but the real Seto Kaiba's alive and well.
Yami: Right! Now all in favor of appointing Mokuba as the new spokesman, say "aye."
Bakura: AYE!!
*Scene: Yami Kaiba shows his true form.*
Tristan: So, does this count as the fat lady?
Joey: I wonder how we get 'im to sing...
*Scene: The real Kaiba manages to escape from his underground, hidden hideout with goons but three feet away. Either that, or he was just hiding under the desk.*
Goon: *into phone* Sir, he got away.
Goon 2: Huh? What's this? A note? *picks up a slip of paper* "Be sure to tell Pegasus that I'll be billing him for all the locks you shorted out. They were really quite expensive, you know."
*Scene: Away from Kaiba's strangely three-terminaled room.*
Pegasus: It appears that young Yugi's nemesis, the real Seto Kaiba, has come to his rescue. I must admit that this little development is one twist that even I did not foresee.
Croquet: Ah, well, then, if even you couldn't have predicted it, I guess that means that I'm off the hook, after all.
Pegasus: Ha ha! Clever! And no.
*Scene: Where does Pegasus keep his swiveling spy cams? Not all the arenas have trees nearby...*
Pegasus: That's two escapes, Croquet. Must I lock you away again?
The Other Henchman: Actually, three, if you count the two times Kaiba escaped, along with Mokuba.
Croquet: Hey! I wasn't the one who refused to put glass in the windows!
*Scene: Back at the duel.*
Mokuba: Hey, big ugly, if I were you I'd start worrying about what my big brother's gonna do to you when he finally catches up to you.
Yami: Heh! Nice thought, Mokuba, but I'm not that generous.
*Scene: Yami Kaiba plays Grappler in Defense, and Yami draws the Celtic Guardian.*
Yugi: *thinking* I'd play this card in Defense Mode, but he's still got his Defense Paralysis card in play, so I can only attack, and with no defense, if he draws the Blue-Eyes White Dragon, I'm finished!
Yami: *mentally* Fortunately, you can play whatever you want, since even just the cards you have out would doom you then.
*Scene: Yami Kaiba is actually pretty witty.*
Téa: Wipe that smile off his face, Yugi!
Mokuba: Loser! Make your move!
Yami Kaiba: As you wish. *draws* Now prepare for the Blue-Eyes White Dragon!
Yami: *groans* There was a reason I wasn't taunting him, guys. Did you ever pause to think that I might be just as happy to have the extra time to plan my strategy?
*Scene: Same.*
Yami Kaiba: Now prepare for the Blue-Eyes White Dragon!
Yami: What do you think I've been doing for the past two turns?
*Scene: The duelists are still in the dark.*
Mokuba: Don't worry, Yugi. My brother will help out, just like last time.
Kemo: Dream on. Your luck's about to run out. Just see for yourself. Unlike the last Blue-Eyes, this one's at full power.
Téa: *patiently* Of course it's at full power. The other one started at full power. As long as it's as easily startled as the second Dragon, this won't be a problem.
*Scene: Kemo explains that Kaiba's now on the run.*
Tristan: *who obviously had not been listening to Yami, Mokuba, or even Yami Kaiba earlier* So that means Kaiba is alive?
Kemo: Dimwit, it means don't expect another miracle, 'cause this duel's about to end.
Téa: Well, actually, it would pretty much have to end quickly either way, so that's not necessarily a bad thing.
*Scene: The Blue-Eyes White Dragon attacks.*
Yami: This duel's not over yet. Activate Mirror Force now!
Yami Kaiba: *absolutely shocked* Waah, he turned over a trap card!
Joey: Geez, even I noticed that Yugi played two cards face down.
Téa: Yeah, it's not that much of a surprise.
*Scene: Yami Kaiba proves that he's not only witty, but quick.*
Yami: It's time to finish this duel with Reborn, the Monster!
Yami Kaiba: Oh, no! That allows you to revive any monster lost in this duel from either deck!!
Yami: *crestfallen* It's no fun playing against someone that actually knows how to play.
*Scene: Yami explains how he's going to use the Mystical Elf (now called "she" rather than "it") to boost the power of his newly-reincarnated monster.*
Yami: This move was inspired by Seto Kaiba himself. He showed me that you can alter the attack power of a Blue-Eyes White Dragon, but I'm raising the power of mine instead of lowering it like Kaiba did to yours!
Téa: But wait, didn't Yugi lower the power of that thing's first Blue-Eyes by using the Spellbinding Circle?
Tristan: Uhh, I don't think you're supposed to remember that far back, Téa.
*Scene: Knock the cuteness meter up a notch, if that's at all possible.*
Yami: Consider this a message from the real Seto Kaiba: YOU LOSE!
Mokuba: *dreamy sigh* Ahh, yeah, it has that great two-syllable feel that my brother loves so.
*Scene: Just shatter the cuteness meter. There is no way this is even close to being on scale.*
Yami: Pegasus might have helped you escape the Shadow Realm once before, but it won't happen again. Never again! *blasts Yami Kaiba in a way that does not look fun*
Mokuba: *bitterly* And the reason he couldn't have done that the first time is...?
Joey: Hey, just be thankful he's got enough of a thing for your brother not to have blasted him, too!
*Scene: Too... much... CUTENESS!!!*
Yami: Pegasus, I sense that you're watching.
Pegasus: Yes, well, the whole black fire effect you've got going there really is kind of an eye-catcher.
*Scene: If there's a Yami fangirl that isn't gibbering madly at this point in the episode, she'd better have a damn good reason why.*
Yami: Consider this a warning. Nothing you send against me will stop me. And when we finally duel, believe me, victory will be mine. I'll win back my grandfather's soul, and you'll pay for all the people you've hurt in the name of your sick little game.
Pegasus: *conversationally to his minions* What I love best about this is the irony of him, of all people, calling my game "sick."
*Scene: Yami finishes up his impressively angry rant.*
Yami: I'm coming for you, Pegasus! *shatters Pegasus's wine glass and fries his display screen*
Croquet: Uhhh... *blinks a few times* Should I send him the bill for that, sir?
Pegasus: Please do.
*Scene: From the other side.*
Yami: I'm coming for you, Pegasus!
*The cheerleaders stand and watch Yami shout at the empty air.*
Joey: Uhh, yeah, of course you are.
Téa: But first, how about you come with these nice men in white coats first?
*Scene: I guess Yami just doesn't like other people cashing in on his market.*
Pegasus: Yugi, you've developed your Shadow Powers quite a bit in such a short time. But when we finally duel, believe me, your Millennium Puzzle will be mine!
Yugi: *fidgets slightly* Am I the only one that thinks that we should try to get a written copy of the rules and rewards sometime?
*Note: I wish I'd posted this up when I'd first written it, several months ago. Because isn't that so true?*
*Scene: What I still consider the penultimate proof of Yami/Kaiba.*
Yami: *places his hand on Kaiba's deck, as close to tears as he'll ever be* Kaiba.
Téa: *sighs* Men! Either they don't shut up or they don't talk at all.
*Scene: Somehow, Yami managed to walk all the way around the stadium with the cheerleaders in tow without any of them realizing that the sole reason he dueled had disappeared.*
Téa: Huh? *looks around*
Joey: What is it?
Téa: That creep took Mokuba!
Yami: Huh? Mokuba!
Téa: I can't believe it!
Tristan: Yeah... we got so wrapped up in all the killing that we forgot about the living.
Yugi: *now entering his sixth straight hour of being subordinate* Now there's a motto I like.
*Scene: No matter how less annoying Mokuba is, Yami's sympathies still lie elsewhere.*
Yami: Mokuba?! He's gone. Taken again.
Joey: Oh, no!
Tristan: Hey, Mokuba!
Téa: Mokuba!
Yami: *sarcastic* Yeah, good thinking with all that yelling. He probably doesn't know he was taken prisoner.