Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction ❯ Bible Stories, YGO Style: Season 2! ❯ Jesus Turns Water into Wine ( Chapter 2 )

Toboe LoneWolf: Heyla, glad to know there are readers still out there!

YGO cast: *groans*

Toboe LoneWolf: ^_^ And so we continue!

Disclaimer: LoneWolf does not own YGO or the Bible. Or God, but that's impossible.

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Sto ry #9: Jesus Turns Water Into Wine
Aka: Sweet Stuff Tastes Better

* * * * *

Toboe LoneWolf chewed the end of her pencil. "Alrighty then, the last one went pretty well, so—"

"Went well?!?!" Yugi waved his arms. "You're calling me running around for my life because of some insane monsters Yami summoned going well?!?"

Yami snickered.

LoneWolf blinked. "Well it wasn't any worse than the others. And if it makes you feel any better, this one is pretty easy."

Yugi looked at LoneWolf suspiciously. "Like what?"

LoneWolf tapped her clipboard. " 'Jesus Turns Water into Wine.' Easy."

"Wine?" Yami Marik perked up.

"Alcohol?" Bakura grinned.

LoneWolf sighed. "No, no alcohol. Grape juice. We have the little kiddies to think of."

"Awwwwww," Bakura whined.

LoneWolf ploughed on. "So, lessee here…it's at a wedding so we need a couple…"

Everyone looked at each other in horror.

"So how about Seto and Serenity? Seems to be popular these days."

Named persons turned green.

"No objections? Alrighty then. Next we have Jesus—" LoneWolf ignored two thuds that came from a fainted Seto and Serenity, "—who will be…hmm…Marik, how about you and—"

"Me?!?"

"Yeah you. You haven't been in a center role for awhile…and we need Jesus' mom…let's make it Ishizu, makes sense…"

Ishizu and Marik looked at each other in disgust. If Ishizu was Marik's mom, then…we're not going there.

"…and we need servants, but we'll make it one servant to make it easier, so that'll be Rashid, wow look at the symmetry…"

Rashid shook his head. Was he forever doomed to serve Marik?

"…and master of the banquet, whatever that is, so…Ryou let's make it you."

Ryou blinked. "Wha?"

"HEY! HOW COME HE GETS TO DRINK?!?!" Bakura fumed.

"Yeah! He's not even old enough to drink," Yami Marik pointed out.

LoneWolf ignored them. "Alrighty then! The rest of you guys are the wedding guests. Wake those two up—" LoneWolf pointed at Seto and Serenity, where Seto had flopped on top of Yami, to Yami's disgust, and Joey was fanning Serenity, saying 'Speak to me, Sere! Are you okay?' but of course Serenity wasn't okay but the show must go on as they say, "—make 'em wear their formal clothes, and let's start!"

* * * * *

Lights dim.

LoneWolf spoke into the microphone, standing off to the side onstage. "Now there was a wedding at Cana in Galilee. Jesus' mother was there, and Jesus and his disciples had also been invited to the wedding."

The lights turned on to reveal a very…strange…wedding.

Seto and Serenity, as married couple, were standing – very stiffly – on the side of the stage, while random characters walked up to them and gave their condolences— I mean, blessings. Joey was standing in the corner glaring daggers at Seto – it was mutual – and Serenity was trying to stand as far from Seto as possible without falling off the platform they were standing on, which (un)conveniently had about four spot-lights shining on them since they were the "married couple."

How sweet.

The rest of the YGO cast was aimlessly wandering around the tiny stage, trying not to bump into one of two drunkards, namely Yami Marik and Bakura. Even if there wasn't real wine…they tried anyway. Or deluded themselves to be. …They really tried…

The good thing – or not so good thing, if Yami Marik and Bakura were not quite incapable of cognitive thought – was that there were people in the theater this time. Well, at least that meant the last show wasn't a total disaster, if some people came back.

"When the wine was gone, Jesus' mother said to him, 'They have no more wine.' "

Ishizu walked up to the banquet table and brusquely swiped off every wine (sparkling grape juice, great stuff) bottle, grape-flavored soda bottle, bowl of punch, and juice box, much to the complaints of Bakura and Yami Marik. She dumped them offstage and then went up to Marik, who was sitting on the side with his devoted followers, aka Rare Hunters.

"They ran outta wine."

Marik stared.

Ishizu elaborated. "Meaning something Really Bad will happen if those two don't get a drink soon." She pointed at the two lost drinkers, Bakura and Yami Marik, who were wandering around in circles, lost without their drinks.

LoneWolf face-faulted. And then continued. "His mother said to the servants, 'Do whatever he tells you.' "

Ishziu pointed at Rashid. "Obey Ma— I mean, Jesus!"

Rashid nodded dumbly. "Yes master."

Marik face-faulted.

…And LoneWolf continued. Because the show must go on. "Jesus said to the servants, 'Fill some empty jars with water;' so they filled them to the brim."

Marik looked around for empty containers, to no such luck.

Except for Joey's liter bottle of soda. Which Joey was drinking right out the bottle, but Marik didn't care. He wanted this over with.

"Go fill that up with water," Marik commanded.

Rashid obeyed.

"Hey!" Joey splurted out. "That's mine!"

"The master requires it." Rashid walked offstage and poured out the rest of the soda —which wasn't much— down the toilet.

"You wasted it!"

"It creates cavities."

"It tastes good!"

"Water is better."

Major sweatdropping at the impromptu nutrition lesson.

Kiddies, brush your teeth.

Now back to our scheduled show.

LoneWolf spoke into the microphone again. "Then Jesus told them, 'Now draw some out and take it to the master of the banquet.' "

"Now give it to Ryou." Marik pointed.

Rashid obeyed. (Like he always does.)

Ryou looked at the soda bottle dubiously. Then ever-so-politely Ryou poured out the water/wine/whatever-Rashid-put-in-there into a paper cup.

Ryou raised an eyebrow at Joey. "Sorry. Bacteria, you know." Ryou smiled.

Joey was not amused.

And LoneWolf continued. "And the master of the banquet tasted the water that had been turned into wine. He did not realize where it had come from, though the servants who had drawn the water knew. Then he called the bridegroom aside and said, 'Everyone brings out the choice wine first and then the cheaper wine after the guests have had too much to drink; but you have saved the best for now.' "

Ryou looked at the cup in front of him. It was purple. There was nothing floating in it. It smelled okay.

Rashid looked innocent.

Sounds of "Fear Factor" floated through Ryou's mind.

But because this story requires it, Ryou drank.

And it was good.

…

Ryou made a face. "It tastes like grape juice."

LoneWolf threw up her hands. "What do you expect?!? I'm not God! This is G, not blinkin' PG-13! I do not want a drunken Ryou walking around onstage!"

Ryou stared at the cup. "So this is…"

"Grape flavoring," Rashid answered. "And food coloring."

Everyone stared.

Kaiba remarked acidly, "Great stuff."

*Curtain falls*

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Toboe LoneWolf: … Sarcasm? Yea? Review? Please? …Ja ne!