Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction ❯ Desideratum ❯ Taken ( Chapter 7 )

Desideratum

A Seto Centric Thingy by Katsuya Kaiba

AN:I had terrible writer's block for two days, and I couldn't figure out why, because up until chapter five this story had been taking me by storm. You know. Then, as I was trying to write chapter six and failing miserably, I had a sudden realization: Seto didn't want me to write the rest of the story, because beginning with chapter six and continuing for the rest of this story, he was going to have to admit a few things about his emotions. And he didn't want to, so he stopped telling me what to write. Well, I'm still posting, so you know that I won that battle. Here is how it went. By the way, my real name is Jessica.

Jessica: Seto, I'm going to finish this story, and you are going to tell me how it happened. You can't just tell me all of that other stuff and then flake out when we get to the good parts.
Seto: Yes I can.
Jessica: So you want me to just make up the rest of it?
Seto: I don't care.
Jessica: So, I can write whatever I want?
Seto: I don't care.
Jessica: Fine. Ahem. Desideratum, Chapter Seven. Seto walked up to Joey apprehensively, as though there were something that he couldn't hold back any longer. Without warning he grabbed Joey by the waist and kissed him passionately, and the fire that burned brightly between them grew to an unstoppable force. Then Seto said to Joey, "Oh, Joey, I cannot spend another second without you by my side. Marry me, and spend the rest of your life with me." Joey smiled at Seto and nodded, and the two of them met in another kiss that was romantic and feral at once. Then they got married and were ever so in love, forever and ever, and Seto was so nice to Joey all of the time, and never again insulted him or called him a dog. They had lots of little babies and lived in a little white house with a picket fence and were happy until the end of time. THE END.

Seto: ...I will tell you how it ends if you promise me that you will never speak of this again.

So that is how I won. And I got to post that too, in a weird way, but do not tell Seto that I told you this. He'd kill me in my sleep.

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The drive back to my house was solemn and silent, and the apprehension that hung in the air was stifling. I kept running over the possibilities of what I might say to him in my head, but I knew that once I sat him down and told him what I had to say that I would hear it for myself and learn it along with him. I had no clue as to what I might tell him. I would just open my mouth and speak, and whatever came out would be...it. I had no master plan, no winning strategy worked out, and nothing but confusion to go off of at this point. But what I did know made me both nervous and relaxed at once.

This would be resolved tonight.

"Hey Kaiba, where are we going?" Joey's voice was fearful and tried not to show it, but I could hear it underneath his casual facade. Hadn't I told him?

"We're going back to my place."

Joey's face lit up and he looked less nervous and more excited. "Really? I've never seen what it looks like inside! I'll bet it's huge..." His enthusiastic tone faded as he once again remembered who he was speaking to, and his smile fell a bit, but not wholly. I was watching him out of the corner of my eye, and desperately trying not to at the same time. I watched his smile fade and nearly felt bad that he felt the need to restrain himself in my presence, so I extended a small truce.

"Well, the kitchen is, anyway. Isn't that what you're after?" I wasn't at all friendly, but...I think that he understood what I was trying to do becuase his true smile replaced his forced one, and I felt him fully relax for the first time.

"Yeah, I guess so..." Being friendly with Seto Kaiba is unnerving, and I understood that. But being friendly with Joey Wheeler was just as unnerving for me, and I hoped that he knew he wasn't alone in that.

Arriving at my house at long last, I led him inside and allowed him to first run around the place and look around before I grabbed his arm and dragged him into my room, shutting the door behind us. When I turned to face him I found him awkwardly standing in the center of the room, looking down at the floor, unsure of what he was supposed to do.

"Sit." I commanded, and he complied and sat on the edge of my bed immediately, as though he were afraid of what I might do lest he disobey. I sighed exasperatedly and sat down beside him, unsure of what to do myself. Unsure of why I had brought him here in the first place, and completely unaware of what I had to say next.

"Look, don't act like that. I'm not angry at you." I didn't look at Joey, and instead I watched my hands as they fidgeted with one another, surprised at just how shaken I was in this situation.

"Really?" Joey's voice seemed to shatter a certain silence that had formed, but perhaps it was all in my mind. Or perhaps it was the way that Joey's voice sounded when he spoke from inside my room. No one had ever been in here besides me, and his voice was the first that I had heard in here save my own.

"Really." It didn't even need to be said, but I knew that Joey was the sort of person who needed an answer to a rhetorical question. God, was it incredibly hot in here? I was so stiff and rigid, and I tried to relax a bit, but it never happened. I wondered if I might just sit here like this all night with him in silence. The thought wasn't a bad one. Sitting in silence with Joey might be alright. It would be a lot better than sitting in silence by myself. At least there would be someone there beside me. Someone there beside me…

"So, then...what did you want to say to me?" Joey wasn't persistent, nor did he sound impatient. He was nudging me with his words, as though sensing that I wouldn't speak without provocation. Was it really so strange that he could read me the same way that I could read him?

What did I want to say to him? I looked at him beside me, and I truly liked the way that he looked. The way that he looked by my side. Oh, god. This was taking a terrible turn for the worst. It didn’t matter what I thought about the situation, not any longer. Everything that had happened between the two of us had changed me in a strange way, in a way that I had no control over. In a way that I couldn’t hope to fight. Even if I had planned out each and every word that I wanted to say to him, I knew that in this moment, staring at him as he stared at me, I would have thrown it all out the window and simply spoken aloud my thoughts, hoping that I might be able to answer the question that I could never answer. The answer I had promised him, weeks ago. I decided that the best thing to do was to speak, before his eyes grew any wider. I think that he was afraid of what I might have to tell him, and each second that I spent stalling for time was another second that he spent waiting in agony.

“What I have to say…” What did I have to say? I had no idea. I would know the second that the words fell from my mouth. And that was all that I had. I was not satisfied. I wasn’t. I knew that, and I had to do something. And if Joey were the only one who could help me out of this mess that my life had become, then I would have to tell him. I knew that there was more I had to say, so much more, but those things would come on their own. I opened my mouth and let the words drop into the air between us.

“I think that if you ask me the question again, I might be able to tell you the true answer. I’m not sure what the answer is, even now, but I think that I could know. I need you to fix this.” It wasn’t a command. It was a plea. I needed him to help me sort all of this out. There were so many clouded and murky emotions swimming throughout my mind, I couldn’t even begin to identify them all, let alone deal with them accordingly. This was too much, it was too much, and I was about to break.

“Ask me your question again, if you think that it will be worth your trouble.”

Joey had been watching me the entire time, both when I was speaking and when I was hopelessly attempting to speak. His eyes were so wide and curious, and I realized how close they were to my own just then. Perhaps a few inches, maybe less. I was so afraid, but he didn’t move in my direction. He saw the fear in my eyes. I nearly gave up and ran out of the room just then. In a way I was angry that he had seen a weakness of mine, but I had seen many of his as well, so I supposed that we were even. At least for the moment.

Sweet apple honey. That phrase had been silently spinning endlessly for a few minutes now, and I made the connection suddenly in my mind. That was what his eyes reminded me of. Apple honey. I’d had it once, long ago, and the memory of the time had been lost to me until just in that moment. A great many things had been lost to me, only to be rescued by Joey and salvaged from the torn and forgotten pile that was my satisfaction. Perhaps he really could fix what he had broken. Or perhaps he had never broken anything at all.

“I understand what it's for. You work so hard so you can have everything. But now I don't understand something else..." Joey spoke from memory, and I knew at once that he had realized what it was that I was asking of him. I almost smiled at the thought. His voice was filled with hesitation and worry, but he tried so hard not to show it, wanting to fix everything for me. Joey always tried so hard, and for the most part it was all in vain. Or at least, it was in my eyes. But maybe there was something in it for him, as well. Maybe I didn’t see as much as I thought I did.

"You have everything, right?" His eyes were holding my own in place, and I couldn’t look away no matter how much I may have needed to. This was much harder than I had anticipated. And still I had no idea what I would say when the time came for me to answer.

I nodded quietly. I certainly used to think so.

"Well, now that you have it, what will you do now? Anything at all, whenever you wish. What will you take?"

I knew. I knew the answer, but the words would make it real. To speak something is to give it a name, and to give something a name is to give it life. I vaguely wondered if I really wanted to go through with all of this, but it seemed to be far too late, because as I was thinking that I heard myself speaking, and it became truly too late.

“You.” I heard what I said, and my hand nearly flew up to cover my mouth, but I knew in my mind that there would be no resolution in that. What was said was said, and whether or not I wanted to hear it, it was the truth.

I wanted to run away. I wanted to go home. Home. Joey…The connection was made in my mind for the very first time, and I stood up abruptly and stared down at him from where he still sat on the bed, apparently digesting the information I had said aloud.

“Joey…I want to go Home. Not here,” I motioned at the room that surrounded us,” but Home. Every time I’ve ever felt that I wanted to go Home, I went to find you. I know that it sounds ridiculous. Trust me, I can hear myself, and I know that everything that I’m telling you is illogical, but…still…I have to say that…”

Damn it, this was the Truth. Nowhere to run, nowhere to push everything away to. I was sick of pushing it all so deep inside of me, only to have it all come rushing back up to the surface in the wake of Joey Wheeler.

“I have to say that…if I could take anything at all for myself in this world, I would take you. But I’m afraid that because of the things that I’ve done, the only thing that I would like to take might be the only thing that I cannot have. It is to be expected, I know, and I understand if you want to leave.”

I held my breath and closed my eyes. If he actually got up and left now, I didn’t know what I might do. Something rash and emotionally fueled, no doubt. I listened so closely for any signs of movement, and not more than a second later I heard him stand up from my bed. Footsteps quietly made their way across the room, and I immediately braced myself for the defeating sound of the closing of my bedroom door. How foolish of me to think that he would do anything other than reject me, as I had done for him. Why had I even bothered?

I had bothered because it had to be said. And even though I had lost, I knew that I would never go back and change what I had just done.

I was so afraid to open my eyes that I never noticed what was happening right before them. There was a tingling sensation on my lips, and I realized that I was feeling the light swirls of air caused by someone’s breath dangerously close to my own. As I opened my eyes in shock, I was met with two things, all in the same moment. The first thing that I noticed was that I was staring straight into that gorgeous shade of apple honey, and the sight of it encompassed everything. It was all that I could see.

The second thing that I noticed, after I got over the shock of Joey Wheeler’s proximity, was the very tense and nervous feeling that rose up within me as I realized that I was being kissed. Kissed by the same Joey Wheeler, the one who had so daringly kissed me before. I froze, and I felt that Joey sensed my nervous reaction, because he lifted up his hands and entangled them in the front of my shirt, holding me in place. It wasn’t an order, but it was a request. A request for me to kiss him back. I was still and silent for a few moments more, hesitating in the face of victory.

Until I realized that I had won. Once again, I had taken whatever it was that I wanted. I had everything. I was satisfied. I was. But most importantly, I was Home. And I never wanted to leave this place. Never again. And Seto Kaiba never hesitates in the face of Victory.

So I kissed him back. I took Joey by the waist and kissed him with the force of everything I had inside of me, and it was just enough to make him see what this victory meant to me.

I didn’t love Joey. Not by a long shot. And whether or not I love him now isn’t anyone’s business but my own. Even if I did, I certainly wouldn’t say it were so. But I can safely say that in that particular moment, I was most assuredly in ‘like’ with Joey. And it wasn’t such an awful thing, although it was terribly unsettling. I suppose it always will be. It is illogical and dangerous, and very nearly not worth all the trouble that it causes. Very nearly.

AN: Oh, god. It’s all over! How depressing! What’s even more depressing is the fact that I had to type it twice. Argh. My computer is dead. No longer amongst the living. And it took chapter seven along with it. But it was all worth it!!!!! I loved typing this and I loved being Seto and I need to SLEEP!! I’m typing this at my friend’s house because I have nothing else, but I had to finish this story before it drove me insane. I simply had to. And Seto did cave in the end…HAHAHA! I knew it. He’s such a big softie…I didn’t want to give out the happily ever after ending because it’s all crap. But I did instill a little hope for the future. This fic wasn’t about how they got together. This fic was about how Seto managed to avoid getting together for so long. He’s really amazing, isn’t he? Maybe I’ll continue it, but in Joey’s eyes from now on. Seto thinking mushy thoughts is a big no for me. A great big huge thanks you to all who reviewed. I love you all. No, really…




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