Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction ❯ Devotion ❯ Acceptance ( Chapter 34 )

Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-gi-oh.

 

Here it is: dah dah dah dah… the chapter in which Yugi forgives Yami.

 

YGOYGOYGOYGOYGOYGOYGOYGO

 

We were losing. Or I was losing, or he was losing… normally, we sort of… flowed together when we dueled, I felt different, stronger, but I was still laying down the cards, still declaring my moves even if my voice came out deeper.

 

Today…it was him dueling. I wasn't working with him, I was holding me… I was holding him back, like he accused me of doing, saying that if I kept doing it, everyone would lose, not just him… not just us…

 

What are we?

 

Friends, now… I think.

 

But then… I kept… doing something, that made it hard for him to control the body, made it hard for him to think. It felt like grabbing him, and tugging him, only not physically… I think I hurt him a little a couple times, pulled a little too hard and strained something, which was a little scary, to feel him be hurt. But he just took it instead of striking back at me. I was a little worried the first time, and I quit… hurting him each time I did it by accident, and didn't do whatever had hurt him again. I think he understands that, understood it.

 

I didn't mind him dueling so much… I wanted to keep him off balance, not in control enough to use his powers. I was so scared for Mai…

 

I knew concentration was the most important thing in a duel: even the heart of the cards can't hear you if you don't call, but… I didn't want us to lose. I didn't know what to do.

 

I knew he was a better duelist than me, so I wanted him to duel, but then I kept… jogging his elbow. I maybe should have dueled myself, but… well, maybe that would have gone better, maybe not. We won, and I should just be glad. I should just forget all the maybes and might-have-beens.

 

Mai was right. I should have faced up to my fears, found out about the spirit, understood him, talked to him, before. He's really not a bad person.

 

He asked my permission, before doing something. I nodded, and that was it. He didn't ask my permission before.

 

Well, to be fair, he always had my permission before, to draw a card, pull a move. It was our draw, our move.

 

Was that why he just went ahead and did it, on the battlements? Almost let Kaiba fall? He was so used to us sharing the same thoughts, same plan, that it didn't occur to him that my objections were more than token?

 

He explained a bit about his plan to me, this time. I think he would have said more, but I got the idea and there wasn't really time.

 

He has doubts.

 

He always seemed so sure before, so scarily certain. He has doubts. That makes him a lot more human, less scary.

 

I faced up to my fears, to the one who always came to my aid, always helped me believe that I would draw the card I needed… I took a good look at him and he looked to me for help.

 

And even when he was afraid he would lose, that he would fail me, he didn't seem to even consider for a second hurting Mai.

 

Because he learned it was wrong from me refusing to let Kaiba die? Because he doesn't have a grudge against Mai?

 

…because Mai, unlike Kaiba, wasn't risking it all, wasn't willing and ready to die?

 

I think he has honor, this other me, this spirit inside me. It's a… harsh honor. People who cross him, cross us, cross… me?

 

He thinks they deserve to, need to, pay for it. But he doesn't seem to hold grudges afterwards…

 

But even so… crime and punishment, judge jury and executioner. Which is why I don't really think he's a part of me anymore, some part I should try to overcome to be a better person, but a real other person, with their own feelings and values.

 

I always try to give people another chance, and another, and another. And sometimes I'm wrong and get hurt, but sometimes things turn out great. If I held grudges, I wouldn't have let Joey and Tristan be my friends, and they're great friends now. Coming to the tournament to support me, cheering me on…

 

Kaiba's done a lot of nasty things, but he's better now… quite possibly thanks to whatever the spirit's punishment was, and he was fighting for Mokuba. I couldn't condemn him for that.

 

The spirit has this… warrior code, I think. And Kaiba's the same way, ready to take the consequences.

 

But the spirit listens to me, respects me now. So… I think we make a great team. I think we'd make great friends.

 

The look in his eyes when I reminded him of our friends, that they were our friends, which I think they are… Joey, Tristan and Tea all seemed to want us to make up, work together again.

 

I remember, right before we climbed to the castle and saw Kaiba, Tea telling me she thought both of us were great guys.

 

I think he is that. Great. Not so sure about me… but I have to say he is… heroic. But the heroes don't always look out for the people around them, chasing after the greater good or some goal and letting other things fall by the wayside.

 

Like Kaiba.

 

I'm not great, not a hero. But… he helps me, I realize that now. He protects me, and I want to help him too. He looks to me for help, reassurance, purpose. So… he'll be the hero who protects me, and I'll be his humanity. Human weakness.

 

He listens to me. He stepped aside. He let me cancel the attack on Kaiba.

 

I don't know who or what he is, really, but Tea was right. He is a good guy, a great one.

 

I wish I'd seen that before. I put both of us through all this, made Tea go to so much trouble to duel Mai, worried my friends… because I just didn't see.

 

I try to see the good in everyone, but I just didn't see how good he is. To me, to all of us. Even Mai.

 

I'm sorry, spirit.