Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction ❯ Dying Souls ❯ Dying Souls ( Chapter 1 )

Smurf Cat: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh!! Please read and review this fic.

A/N: This will be updated weekly. Enjoy!

~@~@~@~@~@~@~

She sighed as she looked around the darkly lit room. Her life was turned upside down. All she could hope for was the past. Her relationship to Kaiba had crashed and burned and yet, she continued to live with him, with all the pain and misery. She hated her life, now she did. Seto had been a companion to her in recent years, but as the years turned over, so did his heart. He was cold, emotionless, everything that could be despised in this cruel world. She, Serenity Wheeler, only wanted out.

Everyday she woke up to nothing and every night she went to bed to the same. In short, she suffered. Her want of the past was so deep that she often cried herself to sleep over the memories. But it wasn't the bad memories that hurt her; it was the good ones, the ones that she cherished. Like a fool she had somehow convinced herself that Seto could change, she proved herself wrong, now she was living a nightmare. It was her fault, everything was her fault; through her eyes and through Kaiba's. Why all the self blame, why all the drama? These were questions that she often asked herself, but in the end of all her searching for answers, she would only break down and cry, screaming at the top of her lungs that life wasn't fair and in truth, it wasn't. She hated life.

Kaiba had threatened to leave many times before. This almost always ended in a brutal argument of words between him and Serenity. Afterward, Serenity would break down and Kaiba would sneer at her about how she was weak. Running away didn't help much either. Seto's grip was on Serenity wherever she went. His presence would cling all around her and sent chills up her spine. Even when Serenity was on the opposite side of the Kaiba mansion, she could still feel him in the rooms where countless fights between the two had broken out. There was nothing left in this house, only hate.

It was true that Serenity wanted Kaiba to leave her, and yet, there were times when she wanted him to stay. She had never really wanted to throw away what all of their years of togetherness had given them. But when he would sneer at her and discount all of her efforts, she began to have a different view. She was haunted by his words day in and day out. She wanted freedom. She wanted to be able to talk to her lover, and in so many ways it was just that; she wanted Kaiba to acknowledge that that was what she was, his lover, not just a toy for his own amusement.

Serenity could feel tears welling up in her eyes as she got up out of bed. The sun had not yet come up, but she knew that Seto would be. He was always up early in the morning, working on something. As she looked out at the gray skied morning, she began to remember, like she did every morning. This was when she would begin to hurt. She could not stop the memories. Everything in the mansion would remind her of something, may it be good or bad. As she opened the window, the cool breeze over took her. She became relaxed and slid her eyes shut.

As she looked back on herself, she could remember her younger days, when she had just become interested in Seto. She remembered the first time she had seen his mansion. Her eyes were wide and her jaw could have dropped to the floor without her noticing. As Seto lead her inside, his interest for her was showing through his eyes. As Serenity remembered, that day had been like living a dream. Her first kiss had come to her that day. Serenity smiled at this as she looked back. It had also been the first, and one out of few times that she had seen Seto smile.

This memory was followed by same feeling of nostalgia that she would always get. She felt empty, her smile faded and she began crying once again. Everyday had begun like this and today was no different. The pain would never end. Time was becoming a void in which she was falling deeper and deeper. Seto tried to tell her to let it go, but how could she? She wasn't just going to forget all of their memories! She wasn't just going to let go! She wanted the one thing that she could not have, the past.

Looking back, Seto had never been the type to let his emotions show. He buried them in an endless graveyard of the mind, filled with hate and suffering. He would never reveal his pain. It was so much that no one should have had to bear it. His parents had died when he was young and then he was sent off to be abused by some rich chess player. The abuse had never been physical, but mental. He had "been straying behind in his studies." Thus, he was made to work at his desk, chained there, for days before he could be released. Even then he would have to work hard. It would be only a week later before he would have to go through the same routine again. It wasn't fair. Life wasn't fair.

Serenity began to reflect on one particularly dark night when Seto had told her all of this, nearly breaking down into tears by the time his story was over. Seto would never have cried in front of her, but the darkness would cover him and he had the talent of keeping his voice steady. Serenity did notice though and when she tried to comfort him, he only turned away. This had been back when they shared a bed. Now Seto didn't want her company during his long nights filled with nightmares. He battled over his own thoughts daily and Serenity could see him sliding further and further each day.

And though he tried to hide it, Serenity could see his fears shining through, ebbing their way into his thoughts, poisoning his mind. It was true that he was too smart for his own good. She could only hope to be able to reach him, but then again, there was no hope, not anymore. Time had become a void and fear had become a terror that was becoming so great upon the two, crushing them under its deadly weight. There would be no escaping over time. They both knew this, and both dreaded the outcome of their ignorance toward it.

Year after year it was the same. Nothing ever changed. She was a prisoner of her own thoughts and fears, held captive by the only one that could set her free. She loved him, he knew it and yet he still chose to ignore her as if she was nothing. She wasn't nothing. She meant everything to Seto and behind his ice blue eyes he would never admit it. It was his pride that held him back and it was his pride that blinded him. He had no idea how he should live, how he should care. He would never ask for help, he would never scream in the darkness, he was possessed by it, the pride that held him. And yet, sometimes he would scream, he would ask for help only to an empty house. Serenity would not be able to hear him; he had banished her to the opposite side. Then the fear would become so great, he couldn't bear it. He wanted freedom, to be able to tell Serenity that he loved her dearly, but he could not. He was held back by his own thoughts and his own fears.

He knew of the pain he caused her. He wished only for her freedom, if he could not be free, he wanted her to be able to fly away on innocent wings. He was not innocent; he was the embodiment of hatred and disgust. He did not deserve her. He was only filth upon the earth. And in late nights all alone, he would meditate on this belief, he could not change, he willed himself not to. He was truly living a nightmare in which he could not wake up out of. And the one thing that made it worse was that he was hurting the one person that he deeply cared about in the process. It was only now when he truly had tasted love that he began to realize his wrong-doings.

Seto's life had been anything but glorious. Yet, in the watchful eye of a bystander, it was just that. Serenity had been that bystander once. Growing up poor, she yearned for life in his mansion, but over time it had become more than that. She had fallen into a bottomless hole in which she could not climb out of. She had fallen in love with the one man who had convinced himself that he didn't deserve love. What she got in return was the nightmare of this life. True, Seto's life was wonderful at one point or another, but now all of that had passed on. He'd left it behind, it was no more, and he willed it to pass for he dwelt in the darkness of his own memories.

Living with him only made it worse. Memories of a past life were all that was left. They were both trapped, both prisoners of their own fantasies of how life could have been. Nothing was as it seemed. Life was dull and meaningless. They passed through it unknowing of the world around them, lost within a lie.

As they would go to sleep every night, they would dream of each other, both haunting, refusing to leave their thoughts. Guilt would overtake them. Serenity would cry, Seto would sneer and hate himself. As she would lie awake, Serenity would hear Seto's voice over and over again in her head, yelling at her about something, like he always did. Everything was her fault; it had always been that way.

This had gone on for years until they were both completely worn out. They couldn't really say that they were sane anymore; all sanity had been chased away. Going crazy without the other, and yet the same would happen when they were with the other. They could not move on from this point. The only option was for Seto to swallow his pride, this he would never do. Serenity knew this; this was why they were trapped.

Serenity climbed slowly out of bed. She looked around at the dark room. There was nothing for her here. She heaved a sigh as she left this dark place, hoping to find a more cheerful setting elsewhere in the mansion. It had seemed like years since Mokuba, Seto's younger brother, had moved out. He had been fun to have around and would often be given long lectures on how his brother had been seemingly abusing her. The "abuse" of the past was innocent in comparison to the darkness that lurked all around them now.

She slowly made her way down the long staircase and looked around the mansion. It was still dark. Seto had apparently not yet been to the kitchen. As Serenity made her way toward it, she could see the faint glow of a computer in the room that was across the huge room from the kitchen. This was something that was usual to Serenity. Seto would always work in that room for hours every morning. True, it was his job to create all sorts of computer programs and video games, but Serenity thought that he should at least not go so hard on himself. Whenever this had been brought up, Seto would ignore Serenity's words and pay her no mind; he was going to work if he wanted to. This was another thing that worried Serenity; Seto never slowed down, not even when he was sick, which rarely occurred. He apparently cared only for work, or maybe he was only trying to get his mind off of Serenity. She didn't know, and was too weary from all the fights to find out.

This brought her back to the same argument that occurred everyday within her, did Seto even care? She had loved him for so long and she knew that he loved her back. She'd seen him with her own eyes sometimes, he had never been crying, but suppressing his tears. If anyone were to tell you that Seto never cried and that he was a steady person they would either be lying or they would have never met the man. He did cry though, if not physically, he did it mentally. His heart was bleeding, the blood of his life force drifting away. This was all because of the depression. Serenity on the other hand cried openly. She had no shame in her tears, they were all for good reasons and besides, she couldn't continue to keep all of her pain inside.

Serenity leaned on the rail at the bottom of the stairs, her vision clouding with tears from all of her fights with Seto. She didn't make a sound though. These were silent tears. Slowly, she made her way to the kitchen. She took a deep sigh as she slid to the floor, crying. "I love you, Seto, I love you." she was whimpering. "But why..." she gasped for air through her sobs, "why don't you return that love...why?"

She tried in vain to console herself. It was true that she really felt alone. This was usual. She hated her situation and more than anything, she hated her life. She was too weak willed to commit suicide though. She wouldn't have anyway. She would hold on, for Seto, she reminded herself. Would he even care? She knew that he had to, but then again, she also doubted that. Burying her face in her hands, she tried to quell her tears, taking deep breaths as she did so. Seto would come in for breakfast soon; she didn't want him to have to feel the pain that she had to go through everyday even though she knew that he did go through it.

As she looked up, she could see him. He looked at her with empty eyes and reached out an arm to pull her up, she accepted. They were becoming frozen in that moment, staring into the other's eyes. Seto wrapped his arms around Serenity and slowly began rocking her somewhat in his arms. Maybe it was her imagination, but she didn't care if it was, it felt real. She felt his arms around her. In truth, this was for Seto's comfort for himself and though he would never admit it, he was doing it for Serenity. He did love her. Unfortunately, those words would never reach his lips. He kissed her before releasing her from his arms. It wasn't a blissful kiss or a loving kiss; it was an emotionless kiss with nothing behind it.

And truly, it was nothing. Seto was nothing, Serenity was nothing. Seto was only a human body and nothing more. He had no emotion; he had no soul, no inner life. He was no more than just a void, a body taking up space, a mind with no thoughts except to work, a slave of the darkness. And yet, Serenity loved him. She wanted him to have his life back, but it was lost now. There was no going back. Seto would never swallow his pride; he would never admit defeat, not even to the only one that he truly loved. He knew that she had defeated him though. He felt no regrets; this was a battle for his soul and her purity. He had smite that part of her just as he had smite everything else from her. He did regret this.

Life goes on, at least for everyone else it does, but not for them. They are trapped in the same place. The same thing happens everyday in the terms of their depressed life. They hated it and they hated their personal lives more than anything. They lived in torture everyday. This would not change. They wondered if they would live like this until it was over. Neither knew, but they both knew this; the barrier between them would never be broken. It would always be there and even if things did change, they would still be trapped. Nothing would be the same. Life was already ruined. This was her life, the life of Serenity Wheeler.

~@~@~@~@~@~

This is my first fic without musings. It's was too serious to have Alex and Malik arguing about something weird before hand...

Malik: we're here now!

Perfect...

Malik: Please review this fic. Smurf Cat worked really hard on it!

Alex: YEAH! Please review! It will make her really happy and maybe she'll release us from her service!

...Don't count on it!

Alex and Malik: T_T review anyway!