Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction ❯ Hate Me ❯ One-Shot

Disclaimer: I don’t own Yu-Gi-Oh! or this song

A/N: *winces* Yes, I know I’ve been a bad, bad writer and haven’t updated XX Factor 2 in.. forever *hides again*. Sadly, I was stricken with the dreaded writer’s block, but I’ve been working hard trying to get through it. I have enough for a SMALL chapter, but I decided I will extend it since I’ve neglected it for so long. Luckily, I have a good idea how the next part will go.

I wanted to say that this is more of an extended songfic drabble. Damn bunny blindsided me and wouldn’t leave me the fuck alone until I wrote it. I crapped it out in about 40 minutes. Having said that, I want you readers to understand that I KNOW this isn’t up to my usual par, but at least it’s something. I don’t want any pissing and moaning, ya hear? =P

Song is “Hate Me” by Blue October

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~Bakura's POV~

I had to do it. He said he didn't understand. Fuck, even I don't understand it all. But I knew that I had to leave because if I had stayed, I would have tainted him.

You have never seen when purity of that level becomes dirty. It is something so heinous that you can even seem to feel the very earth dying away in mourning.

That's why I even fight not to think about him.

~I have to block out thoughts of you so I don’t lose my head
They crawl in like a cockroach leaving babies in my bed
Dropping little reels of tape to remind me that I’m alone
Playing movies in my head that make a porno feel like home
There's a burning in my pride, a nervous bleeding in my brain
An ounce of peace is all I want for you. Will you never call again?
And will you never say that you loved me just to put in my face?
And will you never try to reach me? It is I that wanted space

~Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you

I can still remember that day. It wasn't long after I had received my own body did I realize that I was more influential to my hikari, Ryou, than I ever was as a presence inside his head. Now that I was tangible, I found I had the all the power I had ever wanted to corrupt and destroy that purity and innocence that was my light.

The thought was almost orgasmic with the possibilities. Just thinking about the moment when he was finally broken could have me coming in my pants.... At least, that was before. Now, there was something inside and I couldn't bring myself to ever think that way again.

To quell any hope of those thoughts of returning, I began to abuse my own body. Drugs were not a pleasant distraction. I had only tried small amounts of a handful of them, but they only seemed to intensify the feeling. I switched to alcohol instead, finding it much more enjoyable with far less side effects. I could forget and that's just what I wanted to do.. until I think I began to forget about Ryou all together. So, with his guidance, I stopped.

~I’m sober now for 3 whole months, it’s one accomplishment that you helped me with
The one thing that always tore us apart is the one thing I won’t touch again
In my sick way I want to thank you for holding my head up late at night
While I was busy waging wars on myself, you were trying to stop the fight
You never doubted my warped opinions on things like suicidal hate
You made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to take
So I’ll drive so fucking far away that I never cross your mind
And do whatever it takes in your heart to leave me behind

~Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn’t do for you

~Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you

Why the fuck did it have to be this way? Can't you see that I need to get as far away from you as possible? I can't be near you or I'll destroy you. You will never smile like that again, you will never be carefree. I will pull you into down into the depths of hell along with me.

So, that's how it came to me. I left. I didn't say where I would go because even I wasn't certain. I decided to close all ties to help Ryou forget, so the moment I stepped out the door, I made sure that our mental bond would forever remain silent.

He couldn't understand though. I remember the tears in his eyes as he begged me to stay and his wounded cry as he felt the connection inside his head die away from my side. He still fought to reach me, even after I had disappeared. Sometimes it would be strong enough to call up a memory that would always haunt me in the middle of the night.

Can't you understand, Ryou? I knew you thought you loved me, but you don't realize what will happen if you ever came that close to me now.

~And with a sad heart I say 'bye' to you and wave
Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I had made
And like a baby boy I never was a man
Until I saw your blue eyes cry and I held your face in my hand
And then I fell down yelling, “Make it go away!”
Just make a smile, come back, and shine just like it used to be
And she whispered, “How can you do this to me?”

~Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn’t do for you

Here I am now, far away. I've traveled all across the globe, even briefly going back to Egypt until I couldn't take the memories there either. So I decided going to the other side of the world would be the best and that's how I ended up in New York. I remember when I first arrived in the United States, I landed in Los Angeles, but I quickly gave up any notions of staying. You don't have to make me a list of the ironies of the 'City of Angels'.

In New York, at least I could be just a drop in the bucket of the hordes of other human beings there. I never worried about the crime. Fuck, the criminals feared me. But, I decided that the 'City That Never Sleeps' was appropriate since I can hardly recall the last time I could actually sleep.

As has become a usual custom, I'm in Battery Park. I have an exact bench in an exact spot that I sit in like clockwork. As sappy as it sounds, I watch the sunset as it sets the sky ablaze with hues of orange. I suppose you could say it's some form of meditation and therapy since I block out everything and no one dares fuck with me after I dealt with a previous asshole with a death wish.

For the first time in months, something breaks me out of my reflective perdition.

"... Bakura?.. Is that you?"

Of course, I want to gut the fucker that has disturbed me, but when I turn around, I come face to face with the very thing I was trying to distance myself from.

"... Ryou..." My throat felt dry, ".. What are you doing here? How the fuck did you find me?"

There are tears in his eyes again, just like on the day I left, but a glimmer of hope is in their chocolate depths.

".. I tracked you... Through the link... It was hard since it was so weak, but I managed to get enough strength from it so I could find you again..."

I stand, telling myself I should walk away, but Ryou steps forward anxious and I can tell he's fighting with himself to grab a hold of me.

"Please don't leave!.. Please.. Please stay..."

"I came here for a reason, Ryou. I tried to get as far away from you as I could. I didn't WANT you to find me."

He takes another step and he worries his lower lip nervously while he pleads, "You tell me that, but I can't accept it. I won't let you, Bakura. If you run again, I'll just come find you once more. I came a long way, but I came in mind of bringing you back with me."

"No, Ryou."

For the first time since I've known him, Ryou seemed to pause for a moment before his entire stance changed into a more defiant and authoritive pose. There's a fire of determination in his eyes while he clenches his fists, "I won't take 'no' for an answer... You're coming home with me where you belong."

"And what the fuck makes you think you can do anything?"

He wavers in his confident pose and drops his head. He speaks so quietly, that I almost miss what he says, "... You only left because you are afraid.. It was no secret how I felt about you, but you seem to forget our bond goes both ways. I've always known how you felt about me in return and I figured out after you left that you only did what you did in hopes that my feelings would change."

I don't say anything, but I'm definitely shocked to the core that Ryou had hit the preverbal nail on the head. The inner battle within him seems to have ended and he comes forward completely to pull me into a fierce embrace to keep me from escaping.

~Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you

"They never did change, Bakura... I love you.. I'm not afraid and neither should you be."

"You don't know what you're saying, Ryou.."

He looks me straight in the eye, tears of sadness now becoming tears of joy and relief, "Yes I do... I could never hate you, Bakura, no matter how much you try to push me away."

"Ryou.."

Ryou leans up, pressing a passionate kiss to my lips and I can feel our mental bond roaring wildly back to life as he floods me with so much emotion, it makes me want to fall to my knees. He never showed such power before, but now it doesn't seem that I ever have to worry about ever being able to even taint even a miniscule amount of his purity. In fact, his light is powerful enough that it threatens to engulf me.

I can feel his presence within my mind again, filling the emptiness that had developed since I left.

//I love you Bakura... Maybe now you can finally see what's good for you//

There's a hint of relieved teasing and an equivalent to a mental smile. I should kick my own fucking ass for all the time I wasted by running away. If I had only opened my eyes and really looked what was before me.

//I do see now.... I.. I love you too, Ryou...//