Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction ❯ The Crazy Things Yami Malik Does ❯ Yami Malik vs. The Toilet ( Chapter 1 )

The Crazy Things Yami Malik Does

Chapter One: Yami Malik vs. The Toilet

~*~

Snow: Welcome to another one of my ficcies! ^_^ This one`s about Yami Malik, Malik, and Isis. They are all living together and Yami Malik doesn`t know a lot about a lot of stuff. But he learns the hard way.

Y. Malik: I`m not stupid!

Snow: I didn`t say you were!

Y. Malik: You meant it!

Snow: Did not!

Y. Malik: Did too!

Snow and Y. Malik continue fighting…

Disclaimer: SnowLion no Miko doesn`t own Yu-Gi-Oh or anything else mentioned in this fic, SO BACK OFF!!

Snow: ON WITH THE FICCIE!!! *dun dada duuuun*

~*~

Yami Malik had just woken up from sleeping. He had fallen asleep on the couch after having a major hangover. His hair was frizzier than usual and he had a glass in his hand that was half full of "tea." He had gotten mad at Isis for inviting the Pharaoh and his midget double over for "duel monster purposes." And then they played a trick on him. They put Vodka in his tea, he hadn`t planned on getting drunk, but he just kept on drinking and drinking and drinking…

Having taken off his shirt and swinging it around his head like a stripper, he felt a little dizzy and passed out on the couch. And obviously drinking a lot of alcohol can make you have to go to the bathroom.

Very bad.

The psycho ran as fast as his clenched together legs could carry him.

Let`s just say he was trying to get to the bathroom before he wet himself. He ran into the bathroom with only one thought in mind. `Get to toilet!'

Well, he got there. He clenched his legs tighter together and stared down at the futuristic devise. You see, Yami Malik wasn`t used to toilets in Ancient Egypt. They normally did their business in a small hole dug into the sand, but this was different.

He studied and poked it. He wondered. `How do you work this contraption?!' He then spotted a small lever-type-thingy on the left side of the toilet.

"What does this do?" The deranged Yami said aloud, he pushed down on it. The water circled around and around in the bowl before being dragged down and brought back up again. "OH COOL!" He exclaimed like a giddy child.

Yami Malik looked around and saw a little rubber duck that he played with in the bath tub. He smiled and dropped the poor little ducky in the toilet and flushed. He watched in amusement as the duck met its doom at the hands…erm…bowl…of the toilet.

"Ducky go down the hole!" He squealed with glee while clapping his hands excitedly. He obviously forgot about using the bathroom.

The tanned Yami then found some toilet paper and picked it up. He unrolled the paper and placed it in the bowl. He put his fingers in the circle of the toilet roll, so that the toilet paper would all go down when he flushed it. With merriment playing in his eyes, he pushed the "magic lever" once again.

Flush

"Toilet paper go down the hole!"

There were more cries of happiness as he put each thing "down the hole."

Flush

"Millennium Rod go down the hole!"

Flush

"Chicken go down the hole!!"

Flush

"Barney plushie go down the hole!!"

Flush

"Candy go down the hole!"

Flush

"Teddy go down the hole!"

Flush

"Socks go down the hole!"

Flush

"Pants go down the hole!!" Yami Malik said as he took off his pants and flushed them also.

Flush

"Weevil go down the hole!" The psycho Yami said as he tried to shove Weevil, who just randomly appeared, down the toilet. But he couldn`t…he was just too BIG! He shoved as hard as he could, but he still couldn`t get the freaky bug dude down the toilet.

So he got out the plunger…

"Go down the hole, you annoying idiot!" He said and smashed the plunger on Weevil`s big head. He stared to shake him violently with the plunger until he finally went down the hole.

"You evil psychoooo!!" Weevil screamed as he was sucked down into the depths of the bowl of doom.

"MUAHAHAHA!!" Yami Malik laughed his evil laugh, but was cut off when he saw the toilet`s water was overflowing and getting on the floor. Suddenly a huge funnel of water burst out of the toilet and all of the items he flushed came back.

"Ducky came back!" He cuddled his little duck friend.

"Toilet paper came back!!"

"Millennium Rod came back!" He said and hugged it.

"Chicken came back!"

"Barney plushie came back!"

"Candy came back!!" He said and ate some.

"Teddy came back!" He said and hugged the soggy teddy.

"Socks came back!"

"Pants came back!!" He said and cuddled his beloved leather pants.

"Weevil came back..." Yami Malik said, pouting.

By now the water was over Yami Malik`s head, so he was swimming to try not to drown in the bathroom. He couldn`t reach the doorknob and Weevil was flailing around the water, waving his hands over his head screaming. "HELP ME I CAN`T SWIM!"

The water was almost to the top when Isis and Malik came home from buying groceries.

"Yami Malik!!!" Isis` face turned red with anger when she saw water leaking out from under the bathroom door. "What did you do?!"

Meanwhile in the bathroom, the water had reached the roof and the door burst open. On a humongous wave of water, Yami Malik and Weevil came spilling out the bathroom.

"WHEEEEE!!" Went Yami Malik.

But Weevil`s cry was just the opposite. "WE ARE ALL GONNA DIE!!"

Isis screamed. "Malik! You are going to help clean this up!"

"But sister," Malik complained. "I didn`t do it!"

"Yeah, but he is your Yami!"

"But sis…" Malik began.

"No buts!" Isis interrupted. She walked over and took two mops from the kitchen closet. "Now get to it, you two!!"

She tossed the two mops to both of them and stomped upstairs, mumbling curses in Egyptian.

"Stupid Yami Malik…" Malik looked at his Yami, who was sitting on the floor innocently only wearing his boxers, his pants were strewn over the doorknob, soaking wet. `I don`t even want to know…'

Yami Malik had just found his ducky and was pretending to kill it with his Millennium Rod when he remembered something…

"I have to go to the bathroom."

~*~

Snow: How`d ya like it? Well I enjoyed writing it, even if it made one of my fave characters look stupid…

Y. Malik: You sure did! *sees ducky on floor* Oooohhhhh ducky… *goes to play with it*

Snow: See ya next time!

Y. Malik: *has Millennium Rod* Mr. Ducky, meet Mr. Millennium Rod! *stabs ducky*

Ducky: *squeak*

~*~