Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction ❯ The Crazy Things Yami Malik Does ❯ Yami Malik vs. The Microwave ( Chapter 2 )

The Crazy Things Yami Malik Does

Chapter Two: Yami Malik vs. The Microwave

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Snow: Here`s another chappie!

Y. Malik: Yeah, of my torture…*looks depressed* I thought you loved me…

Snow: If I didn`t tortured you, would you think I liked you?

Y. Malik: No…

Serenity: Then do you torture me because you like me too?!

Snow: NO I HATE YOU LIKE A WOLF HATES VEGETABLES!! *kicks Serenity to the moon*

Serenity: AAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUGGGGHHHHHHHH!! *screams as she flies to the moon*

Disclaimer: I don`t own Yu-Gi-Oh!

Snow: ON WITH THE FICCIE!!! *dun dada duuuun*

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After the whole incident with the toilet, Isis made Yami Malik go to the bathroom outside until her "learned how to use the toilet correctly" as she had put it. So it was kinda like paper-training a dog, but this was no dog this was Yami Malik.

So the next day, Yami Malik thought if he could make Isis happy, she would let him use the toilet in the house instead of making him go outside at night with all the scary owls that could mistake his "private part" for a snake and try to grab it with their talons. That`s bound to hurt.

He only listened to Isis because she was really scary when she was angry, and he didn`t want to get her even more mad at him than she was right now.

He was rummaging through the cabinet when he found something wrapped in tin foil. He carefully opened it and saw a Hot Pocket was inside. He remembered that Isis liked Hot Pockets, so he placed the thing in the microwave.

Unfortunately he forgot to take the tin foil off.

And instead of setting the timer to two minutes, he set it to twenty minutes.

That poor, sad, deranged, little man.

Thinking he had done a good job he skipped, yes, skipped into the living room to watch Passions. Yes, he is very disturbed, we all know that.

"Hey idiot! He kidnapped the girl and she is in the back of the car!!" Yami Malik yelled at the television. Then he heard a loud explosion in the kitchen and ran to check it out.

"Oh my gawd!!!" Yami Malik screamed like a valley girl when he gazed at the flaming microwave. `Thank Ra, Isis isn`t here…' He thought gratefully, Isis had gone out to buy more "womanly" items for herself. Yami Malik knew that he didn`t want to get her mad at this time of month. It wasn`t his fault that the microwave exploded, well maybe it kinda was, but that was beside the point. He had to put out the microwave before it burned the house down.

Yami Malik threw a table cloth over the microwave to try and smother the flames, but the table cloth caught on fire as well. So now, he was holding onto a flaming table cloth and fanning the flaming microwave with it while doing a little dance. But he didn`t know that fanning the flames only made them worse.

Suddenly the microwave door flew off the hinges and hit Yami Malik in the face. "AUGH!" He said cupping his face in his hands, but his hands were in the burning table cloth, we all know what that means.

"AHHHHHHHHHH MY FACE!!!"

Somewhere far, far, away…

"Hey dude did you hear that?" A blonde surfer dude said to his friend.

"No, dude." The other blonde dude said. He was holding a surf board. "You must be going, like crazy."

"Dude!"

"Dude!"

"DUUUUUDE!!" They both chorused together.

Back to the poor deranged maniac…

"OH HELP ME RA!!" Yami Malik screamed at the top of his lungs, causing Malik to wake from his nap.

Malik walked into the kitchen, rubbing his eyes sleepily only to be met with a very distressed blonde Yami.

"Ra! What did you do, Yami Malik!?!" Malik screamed at his other half.

"M-Malik…you`re yelling at me…" Yami Malik sniffled as his eyes got all watery. "Hikari, you`re a big meanie weenie!!"

Then the microwave blew up into even more flames.

The two Egyptians just stared at the flaming microwave and watched the fire from it catch the curtains on fire.

They obviously forgot about an excellent invention called "water."

Malik then got a brilliant idea. We know that Malik`s "brilliant ideas" are often like that of a five year old.

"Let`s blow out the fire like a birthday cake!" He exclaimed and clapped his hands together childishly.

"Can I make a wish?" Yami Malik asked cutely.

"Yeah, whatever." Malik rolled his eyes. `Why did I have to get the dumb blonde Yami?' Then the two Egyptians put Malik`s plan into action and they started to blow the fire out. But it didn`t work and the microwave exploded, completely, leaving nothing except scraps of metal and the destruction of the kitchen.

Yami Malik and his Hikari were smoldering and had black patches on their faces from the ashes. Their eyes were wide in surprise and their hair was in disarray. The spiky haired Yami saw that the curtains were still on fire and they finally did the smart thing.

They put the cursed curtains out with water.

Malik sighed as he looked around the charred kitchen; Isis was most definitely not going to be happy. Then, to their misfortune, the mentioned raven haired woman opened the door.

`Everything looks normal.' Isis thought as she walked into the house. She walked into the kitchen to sit her grocery bags down and unload them. She rounded a corner and was met with the disaster that is The Ishtar`s kitchen.

That was when the dogs of Hell were let loose.

"AAAAHHHHH!!" Isis dropped the grocery bags on the tiled floor that was covered with ashes. She pulled at her hair. "Malik! Didn`t I tell you to keep an eye on your DUMB Yami?!"

"Hey I am not dumb!" Yami Malik said as his eyes started to water.

Isis gazed at her kitchen, her precious Egyptian lace curtains were laying in smoldering piles on the floor AND she had to buy another stupid microwave.

"MALIK GO TO YOUR ROOM!!" Isis yelled loudly.

Somewhere far, far, away…

"Dude that sounded like a mad female."

"Yeah dude, I really think you need to stop watching Jerry Springer."

"What does Jerry Springer have to do with hearing mad females?"

"I dunno it must have been the weed I smoked earlier."

"You are so high."

Now let`s go back to the rampaging Isis…

"You two are going to clean this mess up RIGHT NOW!!" Isis screamed.

"You just told me to go to my room…" Malik said sheepishly.

"Forget it! Clean up this MESS!!" Isis shouted once again.

"But…" Malik said.

"NOW!"

"Fine." Malik pouted and picked up a broom.

Isis stormed off upstairs to her room and threw herself onto the bed; she buried her face in her pillow and screamed. Loud.

"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"

Back downstairs Malik had picked up what looked like the remnants of a Hot Pocket in tin foil. "Yami Malik…" He said, clenching the charred food item tightly, obviously trying his very best to keep his blood pressure down. "Did you forget to take the TIN FOIL off the Hot Pocket?!"

"Ummm is that what the shiny stuff on it was?" Yami Malik asked curiously.

"WHAT DID YOU THINK IT WAS?!" Malik fumed.

"Uh, I thought it was a little jacket for the Hot Pocket so it wouldn`t get cold in the freezer…" Yami Malik winced for the incoming wrath of his Hikari.

"YOU IDIOT!!" Malik raged, throwing the tin foil at his stupid Yami. "A Hot Pocket is an inanimate object!! It can`t feel hot or cold!!"

"Then why is it called a `Hot' Pocket?"

"Because it is hot when you take it out of the microwave!!"

"But you just said a Hot Pocket couldn`t feel hot or cold…"

"AUGH!!" Malik yelled exasperated and totally ignored the rest of his nagging other half`s questions.

But then a few minutes later he felt something tap his shoulder.

"SHINY!!" Yami Malik childishly exclaimed. He had wrapped some tin foil around his face like a mask.

"AH! OH RA!" Malik cried out, dropping the broom. But then he realized that it was just his stupid Yami and slapped him.

"OUCH!"

Malik went back to sweeping and was doing quite peacefully until he heard the idiotic giggling of a certain blonde Yami.

"Shinyyy!" Yami Malik giggled as he played with a piece of foil. "He Malik, lookit my new pet!" He held up the foil. "His name is `Foily!'"

Malik walked over to his darker half angrily and snatched the piece of foil from his grasp. He laughed like the deranged psycho that he is as he tore the piece of foil into. "There, now Foily is DEAD!"

"NO!" Yami Malik cried out. He picked up the two pieces of his "pet" in his hands and screamed. "YOU KILLED HIM!!"

"Wha?"

"YOU MURDERER!!"

"Huh?!"

"YOU MURDERED HIM!!"

"It`s a him?"

"Can`t you tell?!"

"No."

"YOU HAVE NO SOUL!!"

"Yeah I do, it`s just evil."

"FOILY!!" Yami Malik looked up at the ceiling and screamed dramatically. "I LOVEDED YOU!!"

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Snow: Well, there`s the end of that chapter!

Y. Malik: You killed Foily

Foily: I am not dead

Y. Malik: FOILY!! *glomps*

Foily: Ugh…

Snow: SEE YA NEXT TIME!!

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