Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction ❯ The Crazy Things Yami Malik Does ❯ Yami Malik Goes Camping ( Chapter 3 )

The Crazy Things Yami Malik Does

Chapter Three: Yami Malik Goes Camping

~*~

Snow: Here`s the third chappie!! TA DA! ^-^

Y. Malik: I have to go CAMPING?!

Snow: Yup! ^_^

Y. Malik: I despise you…

Snow: YAY!! Y. Malik despises me!

Bakura: That`s a bad thing ya know…

Disclaimer: I don`t own YGO!

Snow: ON WITH THE FICCIE!! *dun dada duuun*

~*~

Isis had just called Yami Malik and Malik downstairs to talk to them. She had planned a vacation so they could get away from the house, and so Yami Malik wouldn`t break anything else.

"Now Yami Malik, Malik we are going to…" Isis was rudely interrupted by Yami Malik.

"To the zoo?" He said, his eyes pleading. "I wanna go to the zoo to pet the giraffes!"

"Lions can eat giraffes, therefore they are better!" Malik proclaimed.

"Giraffes are cuter!" Yami Malik exclaimed and cheerily pulled a giraffe plushie out of his pocket.

"Nuh uh!" His other half protested while pulling a lion plushie out of his own pants pocket. "Ha! My mighty lion of mightiness will destroy your puny long necked creature!!"

"My giraffe`s name is George." The blonde Yami said cuddling his plushie, totally ignoring Malik`s threat. "What is your lion`s name?"

"Jimmy…" Yami Malik began to laugh. "What is the matter with you?!"

"Jimmy is a stupid name for a lion…" Yami Malik gasped for air while wiping a tear from his eye.

"What kind of name is George?!" Malik yelled at his other half.

"A good one!" Yami Malik defended, cuddling the giraffe plushie closer to him.

"BOTH OF YOU SHUT UP!" Isis rampaged with a throbbing vein sticking out on her forehead. "I HAVE HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE BECAUSE OF THIS!!"

Yami Malik squealed like a little five year old girl and hid behind his Hikari.

"We are not going to the stupid zoo! We are going camping!" Isis explained, still quite mad.

"C-C-Camping?" Yami Malik studdered. "Isis you know about my fear of squirrels."

"What does your irrational fear of squirrels have to do with this?!" Isis asked.

"It all started when I first got my own body…" Yami Malik began.

~*~Flashback~*~

Yami Malik was walking through the woods; he had just gotten his own separate body from his Hikari and was testing it out.

"Oh, look at that bird…" The deranged Yami said to himself. "I`m gonna kill it." He took out his Millennium Rod and slowly approached the unsuspecting creature.

"Stop right there!" A small squeaky voice demanded. Then suddenly a small animal with a bushy tail jumped out of a tree.

"Who are you?!" Yami Malik yelled at the strange, furry intruder.

"I am Squeaky the squirrel!" The small mammal exclaimed, making a peace sign with his small little squirrel fingers.

"What`s a `squirrel?'" Yami Malik questioned, scratching his head.

"Attack my mighty squirrel army!!" Squeaky yelled as hundreds of squirrels jumped out of some trees and tackled Yami Malik. "MUAHAHA!!" Squeaky laughed his evil squirrel laugh. "That`s what you get for trying to kill my girlfriend!"

"Oh my hero!" The bird flew over to Squeaky and wrapped her wings around him in a hug.

"Yeah, Birdie." Squeaky said coolly and hugged back.

In the background Yami Malik`s screams of terror filled the air while the squirrels kept attacking and attacking and attacking…

~*~End Flashback~*~

"I have had nightmares of that day a lot." Yami Malik nodded his head wisely, and then suddenly his face looked scared. "I still think the squirrels of Hades will come and get me."

"You stupid idiot! There are NO squirrels of Hades!" Isis screamed at her brother`s dumber half. "And if you two do get eaten by man eating squirrels, Bakura and Ryou will be too because they are coming as well!"

"Yes! MUAHAHAHA!" Malik laughed. "Me and Bakura will cause havoc to the small animals of the forest!"

"No! If you do that the squirrels of Hades will get you too!" Yami Malik pleaded with his Hikari.

"We are leaving today! So go pack your things!" Isis demanded like an army general.

~*~

When they left for the trip, it was 3:35 p.m. and Isis was leaning against the side of the car, looking very beautiful in a white sundress. She wore a cute little straw hat atop her head. Malik and his idiot Yami were dressed as usual, purple robes and belly shirts.

And fighting like they always were.

"Hikari!" Yami Malik complained. "I want the front seat!"

"Tough cookies!" Malik exclaimed. "I got here first!"

Isis approached the dark blue mustang, the top was rolled down and Yami Malik was trying to yank his other half out of the front seat. "Hey, idiots! In the back! Now!" Isis commanded, dramatically pointing a finger at the back seat which was big enough for three people.

"Awwww, Isis you`re no fun!" Malik pouted as he and his Yami went in the back of the car.

"Hello everyone!" Piped a cheery voice, it was none other that Ryou Bakura.

"Bakura!" Yami Malik said his voice happy. "Sit back here!"

Bakura was very annoyed already, being dragged on a camping trip that he didn`t even want to go on. His stupid Hikari had made him go because "It would be a nice chance to get to know everyone better!" as his weaker half put it. But anyway, the white haired tomb robber made his way to the car and jumped in the middle of Malik and his retarded excuse for a Yami.

"Hey Bakura! What a…" Yami Malik began, but was rudely interrupted by the angry albino.

"SHUT UP!" Bakura screamed. "I don`t want to hear your moronic drivel!"

Yami Malik shrank away. "Yeesh, someone`s having PMS." He had just gotten the last word out when Malik slapped a hand over his mouth and whispered. "You heard the woman…shut up!"

"I AM NOT A WOMAN!!" Bakura yelled in fury. This time both the blonde Egyptians shrank back, Bakura was being just too darn scary. He looked like he was going to explode or do something of that magnitude.

Ryou tapped Isis` shoulder. "Um, Isis I think we`d better be going."

"Yeah, it looks like it`s going to rain." Isis said, looking up at the sky that had suddenly turned dark.

~*~

Isis had been driving about an hour. `Thank Ra it didn`t rain.' She thought as she kept a keen eye on the road.

"Isis I want the radio on!!" Malik screamed.

"AUGH!" Isis exclaimed. "You don`t have to yell! I`m right here in front of you!"

"Just turn the thing on!" Bakura yelled. Sighing, the raven haired woman turned the radio on.

That was a mistake.

"IF I WAS INVISIBLE!!! THEN I COULD JUST WATCH YOU IN YOUR ROOOOOoooooooooOOOOOOOoooooooOOOOOOOOOooooooooMMMMMMM!!!" Malik sang to his favorite song of all time. (A/n: I hate this song!)

They covered their ears but none could escape the terrible off key music. But then to their surprise, the judge from American Idol, Simon Cowell came zooming past in his red BMW. "That was absolutely dreadful!!" He shouted as he drove past the puzzled campers. Isis and the others could only stare in shock as he drove out of sight.

They were snapped out of there daze by Ryou shouting. "ISIS, LOOK OUT!"

Isis turned her head sharply and looked ahead of her to see a cow crossing the road. "AH! STUPID COW!" She slammed on the breaks and the car skidded to a stop about an inch away from the cow.

"Mooo." The cow mooed as he chewed on a piece of grass and walked across the road.

"Damn cows…" Isis muttered as she sped off across the dusty path and to their cabin.

"Oooooohhh Isis said a bad WOOOOORRRRDDD!!" Yami Malik chanted.

"Shut up Yami Malik!!"

~*~

About two hours later, Isis arrived at a wooden cabin that was two stories tall and had ivy vines winding up and down the tall sides. A few bats flew around outside and lightning struck in the distance.

"Whoa…it`s big…" Malik uttered.

"…and creepy…" Yami Malik finished. It did look creepy, no it was beyond creepy. It was like Dracula`s Summer Home.

"Well, let`s go unpack our stuff and then we can go swimming in that creek over there." Isis said, pointing to a small creek that ran in and out of the woods for a few miles. The three Egyptians and two albinos set foot inside the creepy cabin for the first time. And Yami Malik was hopping it would be their last.

Walking up the stairs to his room, he saw a red liquid staining the walls. Then a few feet away he saw the words "GET OUT" printed in the same sticky red fluid. "Oh my Ra!! Isis! Malik!! Come here!"

"What is it?" Isis and Malik came running up to the blonde Yami.

Yami Malik pointed a trembling finger at the wall. "L-L-Look! It`s BLOOD!! Someone died here!!"

"No, it probably ketchup you moron!!" Isis screamed at the spiky haired Yami.

"B-But, it`s…"

"Shut up!" Malik silenced him.

~*~

After the whole blood incident, Yami Malik, Ryou, Malik and Bakura were all changing into their bathing suits upstairs. Isis was in the bathroom downstairs changing.

"I sense evil in this house…" Malik creepily stated, taking off his shirt.

"It`s a cabin." Ryou corrected.

"Whatever."

When they were done they went downstairs to find a very agitated Isis in a bikini. "What`s the matter, sister?" Malik asked.

"There is no hot water!!" Isis screamed in horror.

"It`s the squirrels! They`re sabotaging us!!" Yami Malik accused and pointed to a wall with a stuffed squirrel hanging on it. He gulped.

"Idiot!" Bakura smacked him in the head wit his Slipher the Sky Dragon floaty. "Squirrels aren`t intelligent!"

"Oooooohhh…you shouldn`t have said that!" Yami Malik warned. "They`ll get you too!"

"Bakura`s right!" Malik said, slapping him on the head with his Winged Dragon of Ra floaty. "Shut up!"

"This looks like fun!" Isis exclaimed, hitting the poor, battered, psychotic, spiky haired, Egyptian. "Ha ha ha!"

`They`ve all lost it…' Ryou thought, shaking his head.

They got down to the creek and swam for a little while until it got dark and Yami Malik said he had to use the bathroom.

"Hurry up and unlock the door, Isis!" Yami Malik said, fidgeting all around. "I have to use the BATHROOOM!" Isis was struggling with the door and Malik and Bakura were saying things like "Ohh, just think about WATERFALLS" and "The creek has WATER in it." They cackled menacingly.

Yami Malik just squinted his eyes and tried not to think about water, but his Hikari and Bakura weren`t exactly making it easy.

Isis finally opened the door and everyone was bowled over by a crazy, pee-deprived Yami Malik who was running as fast as he could to "empty his tank" as you might put it.

The flush of a toilet was heard when Yami Malik yelled "OH MY RA! ISIS COME HERE!!"

Isis just rolled her eyes and yelled back. "What? Did an evil squirrel bite you?" She walked over to the door and opened it to reveal a very scared Yami Malik. Soon Ryou and the others were right behind her looking on in amazement. "Ooookay…why is there blood all over the walls?"

"Ummm, I needed to use the bathroom and I didn`t notice this until I opened my eyes from concentration on the magical bathroom powers of the great and mystical Buddha."

Isis and the others just stared at the stupidness of Yami Malik`s predicament until Ryou realized what exactly he was looking at. "AHHH BLOOD EVERYWHERE!! YAMI MALIK WAS RIGHT!! THE SQUIRRELS ARE GOING TO GET US!!"

"I have another believer!" Yami Malik spoke all high and mighty like he was king of the world.

"I TOLD YOU I FELT SOMETHING EVIL IN THIS HOUSE!!" Malik screeched.

"It`s a cabin!" Ryou yelled in hysteria.

"SHUT UP RYOU!"

In the bathroom closet, two pairs of crimson eyes looked on at the sight.

~*~

A few hours later it was midnight and everyone had gone to sleep. The two Yamis and Isis were upstairs and Ryou and Malik were downstairs.

But they weren`t alone.

Yami Malik heard a squeaking sound. He opened a lazy eye and the squeaking stopped. A few minutes later, the squeaking started up again. This time he turned on the lamp on the nightstand. He screamed in horror when he saw…

"AHHHHH SQUIRRELS!! THEY ARE EVRYWHERE!!" Yami Malik looked across the room, squirrels were everywhere. They were on Isis, Bakura, on the rafters, and even on him!

"THE SQUIRRELS HAVE COME TO IMPRISON ME!!" Yami Malik screamed like a terrified girl. "ISIS!! BAKURA!! WAKE UP!!"

"Yami Malik shut up!" Isis yelled, she wasn`t aware of the "problem" they were having. She threw one of her shoes at Yami Malik but it missed him, and hit the squirrels.

And they attacked her.

"AUGH!! YAMI MALIK!! BAKURA!! HELP ME!!" The raven haired woman yelled as they piled on top of her.

"Isis! Grab my hand!" Bakura yelled at her. Isis took his hand and he yanked her out of the pile of rodents. He slung her over his shoulder. They grabbed their stuff and ran downstairs.

That was when Yami Malik tripped.

And fell…

The squirrels grabbed hold of the bottom of his pajama pants that had little Millennium Rods on them and started to drag the poor Yami away. "Bakura!! HELP!!" He screamed. The albino frantically picked him up and swung him over his shoulder. His head was facing backwards, looking at the mountain of squirrels that were rampaging upon them. Then one squirrel jumped out of the crowd and bit Yami Malik on the nose.

"AHH!!" Yami Malik screamed. "The squirrel has injected me with it`s poison!!" He swatted his nose.

"Shut up!" Both Isis and Bakura yelled in perfect unison.

Bakura finally reached the living room and grabbed Malik and Ryou. So now he was struggling to run because Yami Malik was on his right shoulder and Isis was on his left. Ryou was on top of Isis and Malik was on top of Yami Malik. And to top that off, they were being chased by squirrels…really scary squirrels.

Bakura ran out the door, literally threw Isis and the others in the back seat, jumped in the front of the car and drove off as fast as it could go.

Meanwhile back inside the house, two short figures with tri-colored spiky hair and crimson eyes jumped out of the closet.

"Yami, that was hilarious!" Yugi said, laughing.

"Yup! We scared the poop out of them!" Yami chuckled.

They high fived each other when they heard a sound. "WHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

"What was that?!" Yami screamed in panic.

"Sounded like a ghost!" Yugi cried, equally scared.

"Because I AM a ghost you idiots!" a creepy voice said. "Now leave my cabin before I eat your brains and use your bodies for my OWN amusement!"

"AHHHHHHHH!!!" The two tri-colored boys screamed as they ran out of the cabin to see if Bakura was still there, but he had hauled ass out of there. Two ghostly white hands reached out and grabbed Yami and Yugi`s ankles and tripped them. He started to pull them inside. Yugi and Yami dug their fingernails in the dirt to try and slow him down, but they just left claw marks in the dirt. The hands pulled the two boys inside the house.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" They screamed before the door was slammed shut.

A long way away from the squirrel infested cabin…

"Did you guys hear anything scream just now?" Yami Malik pondered. He suddenly looked scared. "Maybe it`s the squirrels!?"

"Shut up Yami Malik!" Everyone screamed.

~*~

Snow: It took me forever to finish that one!

Y. Malik: You made me look like a fool!

Snow: I just have to pick on you; you are one of my favorite characters after all! *smiles*

Y. Malik: Really? *puppy dog eyes*

Snow: Yeah, except it`s kinda creepy when you duel and veins pop out of your head.

Y. Malik: I don`t do that all the time! *veins pop out of head*

Snow: You`re doing it now!

Y. Malik: Am not!

Snow: Are too!

Snow and Y. Malik continue fighting…

Ryou: Ugh…see ya next time!

(Note: this is my Halloween chapter, because it was kinda creepy ya know with the blood and stuff. Even though I`ve had it on my computer for a long time.)

~*~