Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction / Dragon Ball/Z/GT Fan Fiction / Fan Fiction / Witch Hunter Robin Fan Fiction / Crossover Fan Fiction ❯ The Gohan and Fred Show ❯ The Outrageously Outrageous Outrageousness of Chapter Twenty Two ( Chapter 22 )

Disclaimer: I own nothing. (I know, it's been a while. I've just been trying to do the whole college thing, and haven't been doing that well at it. I also got a job, which makes this even harder. I had given it up, just like I had given up black tar heroine, but it keeps pulling me back in....the writing, not the heroine. Also, I had to reboot my computer and then fanfiction.net took down all the fics I had on there, except my not so good ones, so I don't have those to repost anywhere. On a brighter note, I'm still single....wait, that's not happy. Shit. Well, on with the show!)

The Gohan and Fred Show (episode 22)

Gohan: Hello, and welcome to the-- OW! (shoe hits Gohan in the back of the head) Hey, what was that for?

Fred: (backstage) Didn't you get the memo?

Gohan: Memo? Since when do we get memos?

Fred: Well, Kevin gave me a memo explaining that we now had a theme song that will be played at the beginning of the episodes.

Gohan: And when was I supposed to get this memo?

Kevin: (backstage as well) Well, I faxed it to your office.

Gohan: (blankly) I don't have fax machine....or an office for that matter.

Kevin: Oh, well I'll have my secretary take a look at that.

Green-Lantern: (upset) I'm not a secretary. I'm an assisstant, you son of bitch.

Kevin: And I still don't have coffee.

Green-Lantern: You hate coffee.

Kevin: Yes, but I need to have something to throw at you as I am upset at your horrible attempt at assissting.

Green-Latern: That's it!! I QUIT!!!! (throws down stuff he has and walks away mumbling something about never asking to be on a show again... :) ...)

Kevin: ....Well, shit. Now I need a new assisstant.

Fred: Do it later. Let's just do this whole theme song thing.

Kevin: Fine. I present you all with our theme song. (clips of the show are played over Mercy Drive's "Burn in my Light")

Theme Song: (the lyrics for the song were taken from http://freespirits.chosenones.net/archive/index.php/t-125.html)

Hey! Hey!

Hey! Nothing you can say(say),

nothing's gonna change what you done to me.

Now it's time to shine(shine),

you'll never take what's mine!

Take what's mine...

Hey! Nothing you can say(say),

nothing's gonna change what you done to me.

Now it's time to shine(shine),

you'll never take what's mine!

You're gonna burn in my light.

They tried to run to find out,

but no-one cared.

Inside your house all alone,

you understand.

Hey! Nothing you can say(say),

nothing's gonna change what you done to me.

Now it's time to shine(shine),

you'll never take what's mine!

Burning inside my light.

Hey! Nothing you can say(say),

nothing's gonna change what you done to me.

Now it's time to shine(shine),

you'll never take what's mine!

Take what's mine...

Hey! Nothing you can say(say),

nothing's gonna change what you done to me.

Now it's time to shine(shine),

you'll never take what's mine!

You're gonna burn in my light.

They tried to run to find out,

but no-one cared.

Inside your house all alone,

you understand.

Hey! Nothing you can say(say),

nothing's gonna change what you done to me.

Now it's time to shine(shine),

you'll never take what's mine!

Burning inside my light. (end song with Gohan staring confusedly into the camera)

Gohan: ....What was that?

Kevin: That was our theme song.

Gohan: Kevin....where did you get that song?

Kevin: ...it's Randy Orton's new theme music.

Gohan: Who?

Kevin: Randy Orton....the wrestler.

Gohan: Kevin...you astound me with how stupid you can be.

Kevin: Um....thanks?

Gohan: We could get sued you know?

Kevin: No one's going to sue me. I said I didn't own it, and I gave credit to the people I stole it from...so do your opening!

Gohan: (turns back to the camera slowly) Hello, and welcome to the Gohan...

Fred: And Fred...

Gohan: Show! As usual, Kevin is here....I guess it hasn't been so usual lately.

Kevin: Cram it, hoe! I've been living my life.

Gohan: (looks sadly towards the ground) Bastard....

Fred: (does the same) Yeah, rub it in you son of a bitch.

Kevin: Okay, I'm sorry. Just do the show.

Gohan: We can't until you tell us who our guests are.

Kevin: Oh, right.... (writes quickly on a card, then hands it to Gohan)

Gohan: Today, our guests are the Parr family, aka the Incredibles? (before they can come on) What's your problem? Are you stoned or something?

Kevin: No....I don't do drugs. Drugs are for losers and hippies and I'm not either.

Gohan: But the Incredibles? What's the deal?

Kevin: Did you see the movie? It was....Incredible. Definately worth the money.

Fred: You work at a movie theater....you didn't have to pay.

Kevin: Okay...but I would have.

Gohan: Whatever. People, our guests for today are the Incredibles. (the family, minus Jack-Jack, walk out. There is an awkward pause as no one knows what to say)

Fred: So...is anyone going to say something?

Kevin: Why ruin the mood?

Gohan: There is no mood retard. No one's said anything.

Kevin: ...oh there's a mood alright. And sounds like someone's in their "that time of the month" again.

Helen: Who told?

Bob: Wait, you are?

Helen: Well....

Bob: But you said we could....and then we did.... AW DAMNIT!!! Now we're going to have another kid!

Helen: Well, maybe if you had worn a rubber.

Bob: You're like made of rubber.

Helen: Elastic, Bob. It's not the same as a profilactic.

Dash: What's a profilactic?

Violet: You don't want to know.

Bob: And how would you know, young lady?

Violet: They showed us the video.

Helen: (to Bob) You said you burned that thing.

Bob: Not that video!

Helen: Oh....

Kevin: .....

Fred: ....

Gohan: .....(to Kevin) I hate you.

Kevin: Why?

Gohan: I don't know why. But right now, I just hate you.

Kevin: (nodding) Good to know.... I guess.

Fred: (looks Dash up and down) So you think you're fast, huh?

Dash: (looks Fred up and down) You bet I am.

Fred: I bet I could beat you.

Dash: Fine, you're on. First one to Hawaii and back wins. (Dash runs off as Fred sits there calmly. Kevin and Gohan are still arguing and Bob, Helen, and Violet are watching Dash run off. He returns in a matter of seconds) Hey, how'd you get here so fast?

Fred: Well, cause I'm so much more faster than you.

Violet: No you're not.

Bob: Yeah, my boy's the fastest thing alive.

Fred: Oh yeah, then explain this. (pulls out a conviently set leigh from behind him)

Violet: Oh please, you just set that--

Bob: Oh my God, he is faster. I'm sorry Dash, but I have to kick you out of the family. This (grabs Fred) is my new son.

Dash: What!?!?!?

Violet: Dad, the monkey never moved.

Fred: Up yours, bitch. Just cause he's slower than my co-hosts doesn't mean I am.

Kevin: HEY!!

Gohan: Yeah. I'm the smartest one here.

Fred: (so only Gohan will hear) Obviously not smart enough to get off this stupid show.

Gohan: Oh....shit, he's right.

Violet: Dad, the monkey obviously cheated.

Bob: Now Violet, quit arguing with your brother.

Dash: But why do I have to be kicked out? Couldn't you just adopt the monkey?

Bob: Excuse me, but did I just hear the whinings of a LOSER!

Dash: (on the verge of tears) I hate you. Mom says you're not my real dad anyway.

Bob: What?!

Helen: Oh shit!

Bob: What's this about?

Helen: Now, it's not what you think. It was an evil plot, and the only way I could prevent it was to...sleep with the milk man.

Bob: Milk Man....my arch-nemesis.

Violet: No, your arch-nemesis was technically Syndrome. And Mom just slept with a random milk man.

Bob: And how did you know all of this?

Violet: Well, I do have the ability to turn invisible at will. And I was a curious kid. All in all, it just seems like a bad combination.

Bob: So that's why you do the whole "take pity on me cause my clothes are pathetic" routine.

Violet: Hey, my clothes aren't pathetic. It's just that this is as "goth" as Disney gets.

Kevin: I knew it. Disney was trying to influence the media and society with Beauty and the Beast! (everyone stares blankly) What? My mind thinks like a woman....damn Lifetime.

Gohan: Well, I think we've had enough of these people. Let's say good-bye and bring in some actual guests.

Dash: But wait. (to Bob) Please take me back Dad. I want to be your son again.

Bob: I have no son!

Fred: What about me?

Bob: Oh yeah. Well, except for the monkey, I have no son.

Helen: (clears throat) Jack-Jack.

Bob: Fine! I have two sons. One of which is not Dash. (family walks off)

Dash: (begins to cry) What am I going to do?

Kevin: As owner of this here show, and since my monkey has walked away, I will let you co-host the show with Gohan.

Dash: Really?

Kevin: Yeah, well. We need three people, otherwise everyone would get suspicious. (does sneaky eye thing)

Dash: (to Gohan) What is he talking about?

Gohan: Most of the time, I don't even know myself.

Kevin: But anyway. On with the show. Our next guest is-- (Fred walks back in) Fred? Why are you back?

Fred: We got into the parking lot and I felt up Violet. Then, that jackass threw me out of the family. (to Dash) He says you can come back.

Dash: (getting up and sprinting off) Yay! I'm free.

Kevin: You didn't even make it to the parking lot? You've got issues man.

Gohan: (with stars in his eyes) Tell me what freedom is like.

Kevin: Hey, we got a show to do here.

Gohan: Fine. Who's the next guest?

Kevin: Well, on my hiatus, I fell in love with this movie. I haven't seen the show yet, but it was awesome all the same. One of my friends has recently bought the show off of e-Bay and we will be watching sometime in the near future. But anyway, this movie rocks and so, I introduce our next guest, Ayato from RahXephon.

Ayato: (walking out) Hello.

Gohan: Finally, an anime character.

Kevin: What?

Gohan: Well, sorry. But non-anime characters give me the willies.

Ayato: I know what you mean? They're just so... (shudders) creepy.

Fred: Wait. Anime characters are racist against non-anime characters?

Ayato: Much like white people against black people.

Kevin: Hey, I don't hate black people. We just don't get along. But it's not because of race....it's just cause they're cooler than I am....Now I've gone and depressed myself.

Gohan: Anyway, do you want to explain anything about your show?

Ayato: Well, I would, but my lawyer has told me not to explain my show and just make the people try to find out as much as they can about it by researching on the internet and buying the series. The movie's only $25 at Best Buy. (I think)

Kevin: Yeah, that's all interesting and crap. But let's get to the real reason why you're here. As everyone knows, I am on a quest to be the best at everything. And this road leads me through your, Ayato. As now, I intend to prove my greatness, in a giant robot battle.

Gohan: Kevin, no! Okay, just no! I know you've got the Yu-Gi-Oh! cards, and you can get weapons anywhere, but I seriously doubt that you have your own giant robot.

Kevin: Well, that's where you are mistaken. Ever since Megas came on Cartoon Network, I have devoted my life, and some Saturdays, to making my own giant robot. And behold, I have completed it. Behold (pulls on a rope and a giant robot appears) The Omega Gundam! (robot falls apart)....damn. I knew I needed more duck tape.

Gohan: You really are a pathetic loser. Building a Gundam out of duck tape...

Fred: Hey, don't diss my craftsmanship.

Kevin: Okay, I'll fix this. Just give me a commercial break.

Gohan: Fine, commercial.

COMMERCIAL

A dark screen is seen and little flashes of a sillouhette of a man and a woman are seen. From the looks, the man, who is Vegeta, is sitting on a woman's chest, which would be Bulma. There is slight girating, which eventually stops. Specks of white light are seen on Bulma's chest. Then, the announcer.

Announcer: Give her the pearl necklace she's always wanted....from Kohl's.

Vegeta then gives Bulma a box with jewelry in it.

COMMERCIAL

Gohan: (in pure shock) We are so going to get taken off the air for that.

Kevin: (talking to someone on the phone backstage) You sure it's fine? ...Great. Thanks. (hangs up phone) Well, I know have a giant robot. May I introduce... the Burning Gundam! (Burning Gundam is air lifted in)

Gohan: How did you get that?

Fred: Don't question him. It's just pointless. Let's just leave it as an unsolved mystery and go on with our lives.

Kevin: (in cockpit) Okay. All I have to do is activate this button here and-- (the ring thing that puts on the black spandex comes down) OH MY GOOOOOOOOOODDDDDD!!!!! IT HURTS!!!! IT HURTS SOOOO MUUCCCHHH!!! (the ring finishes what it's doing and Kevin goes on like it never happened) then I hit this button here and I'm all set. Allright, let's begin Ayato!

Ayato: (in the Xephon) Okay. (he charges and begins to completely annihilate Kevin and the Burning Gundam)

Kevin: Okay. Not good. I need to go into Super Mode and do that whole speech thing so I can use the Erupting Burning Finger....oh cripes! The show went off the air so long ago that I forgot the speech....

Ayato: (continuing the assault) You know, this would be more interesting if you fought back.

Kevin: Well, here goes nothing. (Kevin stands up and does a speech) This hand of mine is hairy and red. It's used to masturbate constantly. Here I go. ERUPTING ROSEY FINGERS!!! (Kevin attacks Ayato with a normal, yet slightly now disgusting hand. Ayato runs away screaming and runs smack dab into a pole. He falls down, unconcious).....I WIN!!! MUWAHAHAHAAHAHA!!!! (all of a sudden, Domon runs in)

Domon: My Baby! Get the hell out of my baby! (Kevin leaps out and Domon inspects the cockpit) What have you done? You reset my radio....You put the seat to far foward.... YOU BROKE MY REAR-VIEW MIRROR!!!

Kevin: Well, I couldn't see out the back.

Domon: How could you when you broke?!?!?!

Rain: (running in) Now baby, don't get upset. I told him he could borrow it.

Domon: (upset) WHY?

Rain: Well, I did kind of owe him one. He did something for me, and he needed a favor in return.

Domon: Well, what did he do that would even consider lending out my pride and joy as a suitable option of payment?

Rain: Well,....he um....gave me a foot massage....

Domon: (blankly) That's it. A foot massage? I mean, that makes no sense.

Rain: You obviously have no idea how good his foot massages are.

Domon: No, I don't. And I never will. Cause it's in the guy's code.

Kevin: Yeah. "Thou shalt not give another dude a massage of any sorts, lest ye be considered 'batting for the other team.'" Article 5: Section 2.

Gohan: Well, it's about time we wrapped the show up, so before they can say it, I bid you all--

Kevino: AYAYA!!!

Fredrico: Muchas grandes machinas!

Gohano: Mis pantalones estan ablazando!

Gohan: ....right. Well good bye!