Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction / Dragon Ball/Z/GT Fan Fiction / Fan Fiction / Witch Hunter Robin Fan Fiction / Crossover Fan Fiction ❯ The Gohan and Fred Show ❯ The....um...Running out of words in the Thesaurus Twenty-first Chapter ( Chapter 21 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

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The Gohan and Fred Show (episode 21)

Gohan: Hello and welcome to the Gohan...

Fred: And Fred...

Gohan: Show. As usual, Kevin is--

???: HOLD EVERYTHING!!

Kevin: Hey, who's interrupting my show?

???: Me! Big Daddy. And I'm here to get vengeance in the name of Kazuma Kuwabara.

Kevin: (to Gohan) You mean he's got fans.

Gohan: Obviously. And you just pissed one off.

Fred: Who cares? Kuwabara sucks.

Big Daddy: Kuwabara does not suck. He's a highly misunderstood character. And Kevin killed him. So I'm here to return the favor.

Kuwabara: (walks in with a cup of coffee, sees that something big is going down, turns and walks away)

Big Daddy: Wait, how'd he do that? I thought he was dead.

Kevin: You do realize this is a fake show don't you. Like Jerry Springer. In fact, a lot like Jerry Springer. Too much like Jerry Springer.

Big Daddy: So you didn't kill him?

Kevin: No. It was just a ploy to get ratings.

Big Daddy: All the same, you shouldn't even talk about killing Kuwabara. That's mean and childish.

Kevin: Well, I'm sorry, but I just couldn't stand him for those first few episodes.

Fred: More like few hundred episodes.

Kevin: Quiet Fred. Big Daddy's right. Maybe we shouldn't kill anyone anymore on this show.

Hiei: (running in from out of nowhere) NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! Killing things is what's great about this show.

Kuwabara: (running in from opposite direction) You're only saying that cause you haven't been killed on this show.

Hiei: That's cause people actually like me.

Kuwabara: Screw you shrimp. People like me. In fact, I'm twice the man you are. And I'm not as stupid.

Hiei: That's a matter of opinion. And whosever opinion it was needs to be slain immediately.

Kevin: Hold it you two. This is getting out of hand.

Gohan: So, Kevin. Are you just going to back down from his death match challenge?

Kevin: Yes and no. We will not have a death match, since I have just decreed that no one will die again on this show.

Big Daddy: You little bitch. You're just saving your own ass.

Kevin: Maybe so. But there will be a match. In fact, it will be the next best thing. A tag team wrestling match. Big Daddy and Kuwabara vs. Kevin and Hiei.

Kuwabara: No contest. We can take those two shrimps.

Kevin: Cram it loser. I'm still talking.

Kuwabara: (grumbling) I'll loser you.

Kevin: Now, to officiate this match, we need a non-opionated referee. That ref will be....Lance (a.k.a Sugarmaster15)

Lance: Finally. Didn't I ask to be on the show like 5 months ago.

Kevin: We were having technical difficulties. Now, to the ring.

Gohan: Well, Fred. It's looks like we're calling the match.

Fred: Damn. I bet I could have beat all four of those ass clowns in mere minutes.

Gohan: Yes, but then you'd be another Goldberg. And you know how much Kevin hates Goldberg.

Fred: Yeah. Compared to Goldberg, Kuwabara is Vegeta.

Gohan: And how.

Fred: Allright, the bell has sounded and it's Kevin and Big Daddy starting things off. The square up and Big Daddy gets Kevin in a head lock.

Gohan: You know, Fred. The headlock was invented in--

Fred: Who cares? Kevin sends Big Daddy into the ropes, who comes off with a shoulder block.

Gohan: I think people would like to know the origins of these moves--

Fred: No the don't. They want action. Big Daddy goes into the ropes, Kevin ducks under, off the other side, leap frog, Big Daddy comes off the ropes again and catches Kevin with a tremendous clothesline.

Gohan: A clothesline is also a name for--

Fred: Shut up, white boy!

Gohan: Hey!

Fred: Big Daddy, drags Kevin over to the corner and tags in Kuwabara. They're starting to tag team him, both sending hard punches into Kevin's solar plexes.

Gohan: Kevin's really going to need to make that tag. (a long pause) So what, you didn't cut me off that time.

Fred: As long as you're calling the match, I don't care. But no more educational stuff.

Gohan: Oh. And back to live action, Kevin's trying desperately to fight off both Kuwabara and Big Daddy. Lance is stepping in to try to get one of the guys out.

Fred: And while Big Daddy's got Lance distracted, Kuwabara is choking Kevin. And he let's go just as Lance turns around.

Gohan: Kuwabara gets some good shots in on Kevin and backs him into the corner. I think he's setting up for a high risk move.

Fred: Indeed he is. He's got Kevin sitting up on the turnbuckle. He's locking him in. And he's going for a superplex.

Gohan: But Kevin's trying desperately to fight out of hit. He hits Kuwabara in the stomach. And throws him from the top rope onto the mat. Wait, Kevin's still on the top. He jumps off. And hits the elbow drop.

Fred: This is exactly what Kevin needed. All he needs to do is get up and tag Hiei.

Gohan: Both men are crawling to their respective corners. And Kuwabara gets the tag first. Big Daddy rushes in, but Kevin makes the tag. Hiei comes out of the corner with both guns blazing. He's catching Big Daddy with some fast punches.

Fred: But here comes Kuwabar to try and even things out. But Kevin comes flying out of the corner and both men tumble to the outside.

Gohan: Lance is trying to restore some sort of order to this match, but he's not getting much out of these guys.

Fred: Big Daddy sends Hiei into the ropes. Wait a minute, he hits a spring board plancha onto the outside, taking out Kuwabara and Kevin.

Gohan: But Big Daddy climbs the turnbuckle. Seems he's going to try a little something of his own. He jumps off. But Hiei cathces him with a kick to the stomach.

Fred: Big Daddy's haunched over. Wait, Kevin delivers some sweet chin music. Big Daddy is down.

Gohan: Hiei rolls into the ring and right back out to reset the ref's count.

Fred: Kevin grabs both Kuwabara and Big Daddy and starts leading them towards the Spanish Announce Table.

Gohan: We have a Spanish Announce Table?

Fred: You never met Fredrico, Kevino, or Gohano?

Gohan: No.

Fred: Well, anyway. Kevin has set both opponents on the table. Hiei's on the turnbuckle inside the ring. He leaps off. But both guys move, so all Hiei is met with is table.

Gohan: Now, Big Daddy and Kuwabara start their retaliation. The bring Kevin back into the ring and start an all out assault.

Fred: Wait, Kuwabara grabs a chair from the outside. Big Daddy's got Lance distracted. Kuwabara's setting up for the hit. And Kevin grabs it.

Gohan: Kuwabara has dropped to his knees. He's pleading with Kevin not to do it.

Fred: Lance turns around and sees Kevin with the chair. He grabs it, but now he and Kevin are in a tug-of-war. Kevin lets go and Lance accidentally hits Big Daddy in the head with the chair.

Gohan: Wait a second, he throws the chair at Kuwabara, and hits the Van Damninator. (he does a jumping spin kick into the chair, which hits Kuwabara in the head)

Fred: Kevin makes the cover. One! Two! Three! It's over. Kevin and Hiei have just screwed over Big Daddy and Kuwabara.

Announcer: And here are your winners: Kevin and Hiei. (Kevin, Lance, and Hiei all go and sit over in the regular chairs)

Kevin: So, how was that?

Fred: Excellent stuff. I give it a five.

Kevin: Out of five?

Fred: Out of fifty.

Kevin: (grumbling) Stupid monkey.

Gohan: I can't believe you. You just cheated against one of your fans.

Kevin: Yeah, well. I don't like to lose.

Gohan: (to Lance) And you should be even more ashamed.

Lance: For what?

Gohan: You just hit two guys in the heads with chairs.

Lance: They're professionals. They know how to take chair shots. (as he says this, paramedics roll of Kuwabara, who has a neck brace on)

Kevin: Yeah. So back off, Gohan. We won fair and square.

Gohan: No you didn't. You had to cheat to win.

Eddie Guerro: (runs on) Viva la rasa! (runs off)

Kevin: Look, if I didn't do what I had done, Kuwabara would have hit me with the chair. It's not cheating. It's outsmarting. And I outsmarted everyone by picking a good referee.

Gohan: But how could you do that if it was out of the blue?

Kevin: Because...this is my story. (Tidus runs on and starts beating the crap out of Kevin)

Tidus: (inbetween kicks) I've told you....quit using my phrase!

Kevin: (Tidus runs off) Asshole. You know what you are. You are....merely a puppet! (Sephiroth appears)

Sephiroth: (clears his throat, Kevin turns around and notices him) Excuse us. (he grabs Kevin by the leg and drags him off stage. Lots of smashing noises are heard and Sephiroth comes back out and disappears)

Kevin: (yelling after Sephiroth) Death awaits you! (Seymour walks on and drags Kevin off again)

Gohan: This may take awhile. We'll be back right after these commercial messages.

COMMERCIAL

Announcer: Are you a loser? A complete spazz? Does no one like you? Well, perhaps he can help.

Vegeta: Hi, I'm Doctor Vegeta. And if you think you are beyond all hope of ever becoming the badass you want to be, fret not. I've come up with a solution. A badass transplant surgery.

Announcer: Explain how that works, Doctor.

Vegeta: See, I'm such a badass, that I have plenty to go around. So, we take out the wussy in you and a little of Vegeta-flavor, and a small dose of Seto Kaiba, to spice things up a bit.

Seto: That's right. With Vegeta's technology and my money, we'll finally be able to make an army of super badasses, and I'll finally be able to beat Yugi and take his Egyptian God Cards.

Vegeta: (clears his throat)

Seto: Oh...I mean, we hope it will be everything you wanted and more.

Announcer: If you need help, call 1-800-I-WANNA-B-A-BADASS, today.

COMMERCIAL

Squall: (walks off from, apparently, also beating up Kevin)

Kevin: I'll crush you with my bare hands. (Galvatron walks out, turns into his cannon thing, and blasts Kevin in the face) OWWW!!! This is really starting to piss me off. (Hibiki, from Vandread, comes out to get his ass) HOLD IT!! If you stop right there, I'll put you on the show!

Hibiki: Really?

Kevin: Sure. Anything you want. Just give me a second. (goes into the back and grabs a senzu bean. Walks back out, perfectly fine, minutes later) Allright. We're back. And our guest for today joins us from a show called Vandread. It truly does have a great premise. Tell them about it, Hibiki.

Hibiki: Well, these other two guys and I get stuck aboard this ship. We then have to band together with the crew, who we were at war with, to beat a new set of hostile aliens with a machine called the Vandread. The Vandread has three types to it, because it is the combination of my Vangaurd, and the other three pilots' Dreads.

Kevin: That's all nice and all, but you're forgetting one small detail.

Hibiki: What?

Kevin: That the other crew is a bunch of fine ass females.

Hibiki: What's the big deal? It's just women.

Kevin: You say that cause you lived a life without knowing women. I say what I say cause I know there's no way I could live a life without them. Well, maybe without all their chatting.

Fred: And bitching.

Lance: And lying.

Gohan: And complaining.

Hiei: And the fact that they're human. (everyone stares at Hiei) What?

Kevin: Well, what I'm saying is that women are fun to look at. So are the women on the show. Speaking of women, I think it's about that time.

Hibiki: What time?

Gohan: You don't mean--

Fred: Of course he means it!

Lance, Hibiki, and Hiei: What?

Kevin and Fred: CATFIGHT!!!

Gohan: So who's it going to be today?

Kevin: Well, since we have one star from Vandread, might as well bring out the other three. Today's catfight contestants, the pilots of the Dreads on Vandread: Jura, Meie, and (Kevin gets starry eyed) Dita!

Dita: Wow! More Mister Aliens.

Meie: You do know that they aren't aliens right? We're the same species. (sees Kevin) Well, some of us anyway.

Kevin: Hey!

Fred: Ooh, she burned you.

Dita: (picks up Fred) Holy smokes, that monkey talked.

Fred: I am no mere monkey! I am Oozakbu, god of donuts, pies, and other pastries. But you can call me.....tonight.

Hibiki: Hey, you don't talk to her like that. She's my girl.

Kevin: Back off, I saw her first.

Jura: So is what they do on the man's planet. Sit around and have talk shows.

Kevin: Nope, just me, baby. (Ash from the Evil Dead comes out) Oh, come on! You let Duke Nukem steal your lines.

Ash: Yeah, and I don't plan on letting some little kid steal my lines either.

Kevin: Kid?!?! I'm 19!

Ash: Are you sure? You don't look 19. Maybe like 16 but not 19.

Kevin: Well, that's because I shaved.

Ash: Either way, I still gotta beat ya'.

Kevin: Can't you just let it go this one time.

Ash: Maybe, but you have to promise me something.

Kevin: You name it.

Ash: If you see Duke.....kill him!

Kevin: With pleasure. (Ash leaves)

Gohan: But what about your new decree?

Kevin: It ended with the wrestling match.

Big Daddy: (running out) I knew it. You bastard.

Kevin: Whoa, hold up. Why don't we just discuss this after catfight time?

Big Daddy: (sees the ladies, thinks) Fine. But remember, your ass is mine! (sits down) Now, let's get to the Catfight!

Kevin: Now, ladies! Commence the Catfight!

Meie: With pleasure! (she grabs both Jura and Dita and begins to rip away at them)

Kevin: Who knew she had it in her?

Guys: CATFIGHT!!! CATFIGHT!!!

Gohan: Well, that's all the time we-- hey!

Kevino: (runs through the set) Viva la Kevino!

Fredrico: AY AY AY!!!

Gohano: Es la cucaracha! (a cockroach chases after Kevino)

Okay, now review.