Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction / Dragon Ball/Z/GT Fan Fiction / Fan Fiction / Witch Hunter Robin Fan Fiction / Crossover Fan Fiction ❯ The Gohan and Fred Show ❯ The Brilliant Light at the End of the Tunnel That is the Twentysixth Chapter ( Chapter 26 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

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The Gohan and Fred Show (episode 26)

Gohan: Hello and welcome to the Gohan...

Fred: And Fred...

Gohan: Show. As usual, Kevin is here.

Kevin: If I left, who'd tuck Fred in at night?

Fred: You know, I can tuck myself in.

Kevin: Oh, so you're a big boy now?

Fred: I'm an ex-god! Of course I'm a big boy.

Gohan: Anyway, Kevin. I see that your fanfiction herem is not here today.

Kevin: That's right. I sent them all home.

Gohan: Any particular reason why...like they're too damn annoying.

Kevin: No, of course not. I love my fans. And don't get me wrong, I liked the company. However, I don't want to become one of those writers who all they do is write their friends into stories....It just lacks a certain finesse. However, having an occasional guest writer on is something I may continue to do.

Gohan: ...Kevin...

Kevin: Okay, fine! It was getting too hard to write for them! I just didn't know what they would say in given circumstances, and make it comical....Are you happy now?

Gohan: Happy? I spend my days around you and your retarded monkey...How happy could I honestly be?

Kevin: Very?

Gohan: No, Kevin. Not very.

Kevin: Anywho, I have an announcement. I have created a new fic! It was basically a one-shot, but I think it's fantastic.

Gohan: Is it in script format?

Kevin: Nope.

Gohan: So you sold out.

Kevin: Basically. But it's still funny, as my three reviewers on fanfiction.net will concur!

Fred: I thought it was crap.

Kevin: That's just because you weren't in it.

Gohan: Wait. So you wrote a fic, in story format, and you didn't self-insert or put Fred in it...Oh my God! You're a fanfiction writer now!

Kevin: Nah. Let's not go that far. I mean, it was just one story....And then once I see the rest of Evangelion and RahXephon, maybe one more. But anyway, the story is called "Confusion at Tokyo Towers." Check it out.

Gohan: Oh, I get it. Shameless self-advertising.

Kevin: You bet your ass.

Fred: Speaking of asses, who's the next guest?

Gohan: ...That transition made no sense.

Kevin: (to Gohan) Sh...He's still learning.

Gohan: Oh. Well, who is the next guest anyway?

Kevin: Good question. Our guest for today is my new favorite anime character...at least until Naruto is brought over to the US. From Neon Genesis Evangelion, here's Asuka Langley Sohryu.

Asuka: Guten Morgen!

Gohan: ...What?

Kevin: It means "good morning." It's German.

Gohan: Since when did you speak German?

Kevin: I don't speak German. I'm just able to understand it. It's a talent.

Fred: Liar! You read the subtitles!

Kevin: Shut up, Fred!

Fred: HOW DARE YOU!!!! I'm not Fred! I am Oozakbu! God of Donuts, Pies, and other pastries!

Kevin: Yeah, but you never had a problem with me calling you Fred before.

Fred: ...Things change, Kevin. Things change.

Asuka: (clears her throat)

Gohan: Quiet. They may end up getting into a fight...and then I can make my escape.

Asuka: Is it really that bad here?

Gohan: You have no idea.

Kevin: We're not going to fight. And Gohan, you will never leave. And Asuka....what are you doing Friday night?

Asuka: Washing my hair.

Kevin: You too, huh. Seems like every girl does that on Friday nights.

Fred: Kevin, you're an idiot. She's not going to be washing her hair. She just doesn't want to go out with you.

Asuka: I will too be washing my hair. I've got it all planned out. 7:30: Add water. 7:35: Lather in shampoo. 7:40: Rinse out. 7:45: Add conditioner. 7:50: Rinse out. Repeat.

Fred: Is that it?

Asuka: Yes.

Fred: Then you should be done by 8:30. There ya go Kevin. Friday at 8:30. Don't be late and don't say I never did anything for you.

Asuka: ....Shiesse!

Kevin: Actually, I'll be busy. Halo tournament at my friend's.

Gohan: ...You have friends....that live near you.

Kevin: Yeah!

Fred: (to Gohan) They grow up so fast.

Kevin: Shut up!....Why don't you just get on with the interview?

Gohan: Okay, Asuka. As everyone knows, the end of the series is pretty confusing. Can you explain a few things?

Asuka: No.

Gohan: Why not?

Asuka: I was still in that trance at the end of the series.

Gohan: ...Huh...

Kevin: I don't understand what people don't get. Is it the whole "dream-esque sequence" thing? I thought it seemed pretty self-explanitory.

Fred: You didn't get it.

Kevin: ...Not really, no.

Gohan: Well if she can't explain it, why is she here?

Kevin: She will become our newest cast member.

Gohan: What?

Kevin: Yes. You will be co-host. Hiei will be bodyguard/head of security. And Asuka will be stage manager.

Gohan: Why?

Kevin: She's German. The Germans are known for their organizational skills. I mean, they successfully started two World Wars.

Asuka: I resent that! One of those is our fault, but the other is yours.

Kevin: No it's not.

Asuka: Yes it is. If we would have won the first one, there wouldn't have been a second one.

Kevin: ...You do have a point. But nevermind that. Asuka, assume your position.

Asuka: Ug. Gross.

Kevin: I meant your occupational position.

Fred: Is that like Karma Sutra or something?

Kevin: Just go sit in that chair! (points to a chair that says "Asuka's chair from which she does her job")

Asuka: Oh, okay. (gets up and goes to sit in her new chair)

Hiei: (who is standing next to the chair) Hn. This place is becoming overrun by humans.

Gohan: What are you talking about? I'm a Saiyan.

Fred: And I'm an ex-god.

Kevin: And I'm about three seconds away from stabbing everyone in the face....(everyone turns to see Kevin is holding a knife)...I mean, ...wait, what did I mean?

Gohan: The point is, there's only two "humans" here and only one of them is real.

Hiei: Yes, but that's two too many.

Kevin: Hey what's the deal? I thought you were happy on this show.

Hiei: I was. But then you decided to start writing me as my usual character instead of your gay little bundle of repulsiveness, wrapped in a shell of stupidity.

Gohan: That's deep.

Kevin: Anyway, after this commercial break, we'll have our next guest on...so don't go anywhere or Fred will haunt your dreams forever.

Fred: It's true!

COMMERCIAL

Announcer: Hey! Do you like Chibis? Wanna see them doing the wildest things imaginable?

Chibi Trunks: No Goten. You got to put the rocket on the other way or it won't work.

Chibi Goten: Oh, sorry Trunks. (shot of them setting up a rocket to blow up the White House)

Announcer: Well, get ready cause we've got the hottest new video! (random shots of chibis doing stuff...nothing sexual, just violent) Chibis Gone Wild! These wild and crazy Chibis are pent up and ready for action. (shot of Sakura strangling someone) This video is too hot to find in any store. (Sasami and Ryo-ohki run out of a bank wearing stockings on their heads and carrying large sacks of money) So go online or call this number to get the hottest video this year! Order now. (shot pans out to see chibis doing acts of violence as large explosions go off in the background)

COMMERCIAL

Gohan: ...Why was my brother attacking the White House?

Kevin: Maybe he's a Democrat.

Fred: Or insane....I put money on insane.

Kevin: You're on. (they both pull out money and put them in a jar marked "Insane or Democrat Bet")...You may have gotten me with Shippo, but this time I'm certain.

Gohan: ...Which one was he? Crazy or Democrat.

Fred: Okay time for our next guest.

Kevin: Right you are Fred. Our next guest is all the way from Japan...since none of these big anime companies have thought to bring it to America....assholes...Anyway, here he is. My hero, your hero, his own hero....Sasuke from Naruto.

Sasuke: (walks out all...cool like)...

Kevin: You know most people say hello when they come on the set.

Sasuke: I don't care. This is a waste of my time. I'd rather be doing something else.

Gohan: Wouldn't we all?

Asuka: (from her chair) Wow, he's so dreamy and cool...not like that jerk Shinji.

Hiei: (from offstage)...He's stealing my gimmick.

Fred: I told you he was a bad choice. We should have went with Sakura.

Kevin: The chick from Card Captors. How would that have helped to plug Naruto?

Fred: No, from Naruto.

Kevin: (tries to remember who she is)...I'm not seeing any Sakura.

Fred: The girl....in the same group as Naruto and Sasuke.

Kevin: There's a chick in the group..? ...I mean, I remeber that Ino chick, but she wasn't in their group... Are you sure there's a Sakura in their group?

Sakura (from Naruto): (runs out and starts to strangle Kevin) YES!!! I'M IN SASUKE'S GROUP!!!

Naruto: (runs out) What about me? I mean, it's my show! Why wasn't I the one to come on?...It's always Sasuke, Sasuke, SASUKE!!!!

Sasuke: It's because you're a loser.

Naruto: I'm no loser. And I will prove it by taking on the strongest person here.

Gohan: (looks at Hiei, who looks at Gohan) Well,...who is it?

Hiei: Probably me...but I'm not allowed to kill humans.

Gohan: Well, you don't have to kill him.

Hiei: ....but I would...

Gohan: Fine, I'll fight him. (starts to stretch out) Gosh, I haven't fought in so long, I think I'm as weak as Pan. (everyone laughs)

Pan: (runs out, whining) Daaaad!

Gohan: Oh quiet. You know you suck too. Sometimes I wish I would have just had a son.

Pan: You're not the only one. (runs crying out of the room)

Gohan: Okay kid. You ready?

Naruto: Naturally!

Kevin: Begin! (Five seconds later)

Naruto: (unconscious)...

Gohan: ...I didn't mean to hit him that hard.

Fred: Well, you shouldn't have gone Super Saiyan.

Gohan: I didn't....I didn't even power up.

Kevin: Obviously, this was an unfair fight. Naruto should not have had to fight a Saiyan. Therefore, I will take on Naruto. (stands across the set from Naruto's still unconscious body) ....And I win, which makes me the greatest ninja ever!

Sasuke: Hold up. You may have been able to beat Naruto...wait, what am I saying? You didn't even beat him!

Kevin: Ah-hem. There was a fight. I'm the only one standing, therefore I maintain that I won and am the greatest ninja...EVER!

Sasuke: Want to try your luck against me?

Kevin: You've obviously never seen this show. I don't do repeats. Fred, put a mark next to "ninja" on my greatest sheets. (Fred puts a mark next to ninja, and we see all the "greatest" things Kevin has "become"...i.e. Duelist, Mech Pilot, Swordsman, etc.)

Gohan: Hey wait. You lost that duel with Joey. How are you the greatest duelist?

Kevin: You forget, Gohan. The rules don't mean squat in the anime, so I maintain that I beat Joey Wheeler and am the greatest duelist...EVER!

Gohan: ...well, at least you won't be the greatest Saiyan ever.

Kevin: You think so? I think you forget something. Fred is part Saiyan.

Gohan: ...No way.

Kevin: Yes. He was in an automobile accident, and had to have a blood transfusion. Fortunately for him, the only person who had donated blood with the same type as Fred's was Vegeta. Therefore, Fred was able to acquire the Saiyan gene, a la the blood.

Gohan: ...Okay, but how are you supposed to be the "greatest Saiyan"...Ever.

Kevin: Because I have been extracting Fred's blood and am saving it so that I will be able to transfuse it into my body once I am hit by a car. (timer goes off) Speaking of which, Fred! It's time for your "donation."

Fred: NO, NOT THE NEEDLE!!! (Fred runs around the room, being chased by Kevin, until he is in a corner. He begins to throw things that are on a near by shelf, such as a clock and a lighter)

Kevin: (dodges all the things) Well, at least your not throwing feces.... GAH!!! (Kevin ducks as a heap of feces goes flying by. The shot goes to Fred to see him standing beside the rear end of a cow with a big glove on) ...You cheap bastard! (Kevin is hit by the flying cow) Fine, we'll do it tomorrow.

Gohan: Well, that just about does it for today.

Kevin: (from under the cow) Wait, you know what time it is!

Fred: I SAID NO NEEDLES!!!

Kevin: No, Catfight!

Fred: Oh. Well, who's it going to be?

Kevin: Well, if someone would get this cow off of me, I'd get the wheel thing.

Fred: Oh, I've got it. (gets up, and instead of going to help Kevin, he goes and gets the wheel thing. He pulls out a name) Sakura....wait, is it the one from Naruto or from Card Captors?

Kevin: Well, if you'd let me see the thing, I'd be able to tell you.

Fred: Nah, that's okay. We'll just put them both in. Sakuras! To the arena! (the Sakuras enter the arena of mud) And fight!

Sakura (from Naruto): (pulls out some daggers and throws them at Card Captor's Sakura)

Fred: WHOA!!! You aren't allowed to use weapons. This isn't even a real fight.

Sakura (from Naruto): Then what are we supposed to do?

Fred: You know....roll around in the mud and grapple with each other.

Naruto: (suddenly waking up) Yeah, do it Sakura! Whooo hooo!

Sakura (from Card Captors): I think it's in the bone. (shows that one of the daggers hit her forearm)...I think I'm going to faint.

Sakura (from Naruto): (to just Fred) Do you think that Sasuke would like me more if I did it?

Fred: ....Oh yeah. Definately. (shot of Sasuke not even paying attention to what's going on...instead, he's looking at Kevin's greatest list)

Sasuke: ...He's an Iron Chef, too?!?!?!

Sakura (from Naruto): Okay, I'll do it!

Sakura (from Card Captors): (on the verge of passing out) I like ponies....(the other Sakura grabs her and they start rolling around in the mud.

Everyone else except Kevin and Sasuke: CATFIGHT!!! CATFIGHT!!!

Kevin: WILL SOMEONE GET THIS F*CKING COW OFF OF ME!!!!

And that's the show for today.