Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction / Dragon Ball/Z/GT Fan Fiction / Fan Fiction / Witch Hunter Robin Fan Fiction / Crossover Fan Fiction ❯ The Gohan and Fred Show ❯ Is that an Earthquake? No, it's the Twenty-Ninth Chapter ( Chapter 29 )

Disclaimer: I own nothing. (Bitches!!!!)

 

The Gohan and Fred Show (episode 29)

 

Gohan: Hello and welcome to the Gohan...

 

Fred: And Fred...

 

Gohan: Show. As usual, our own little slacker of an owner is still here.

 

Kevin: Hey, I've been working unusually hard on stuff this past several months...

 

Gohan: On?

 

Kevin: Our own theme song!!!

 

Gohan: Didn't you try that already?

 

Fred: Yeah, and it failed miserably.

 

Kevin: But that's because I wasn't using my own musical genius...which is also my fanfiction herem's musical genius.

 

Gohan: ...You all just sat around a type writer a b.sed a song, didn't you?

 

Kevin: ...Yes...And it took us so long...We kept ending up with Shakespeare instead of a theme song.

 

UW: Hey, we were much better than Shakespeare. I say we publish it all in a tell all book and make millions.

 

Sara: I hate to inform you, but I don't think "Romeo's 12 Steps to Gettin' Laid" will sell all that well.

 

Angel: I'd buy it.

 

Hanami: You're in it!

 

Angel: I am?

 

Hanami: Yeah, step number one. "Dump Hoochie Number One."

Angel: I am NO hoochie!!!!

 

Kasy: Yeah!

 

Kita: She's more of a skeez. (everyone gawks at Kita) What? I heard my dad say it once.

 

Kevin: Alright, without further ado, I present our fantastic theme song!

 

THEME SONG

 

It's the-- Gohan and Fred Show

It's the-- Gohan and Fred Show

It won't--give you--gas...

It's the-- Gohan and Fred Show

It's the-- Gohan and Fred Show

Kevin own's your freakin' ass!

 

(repeats...over and over again)

 

Gohan: That's your brillaint theme song.

 

UW: That's not what we wrote!

 

Sara: (to Kevin) You sold us out you son of a bitch!

 

Kevin: I couldn't help it...Claude told me to.

 

Fred: Claude?

 

Kevin: He's my little devil conscience...and he's past due on rent.

 

Angel: Why does this song make me want to do stuff?

 

Hanami: Green food makes you want to do things, I wouldn't be surprised if a song makes you want to do "stuff" too... (Editor's note: Green food supposedly makes you horny...supposedly)

 

Kita: No, it's not that...I want to...buy...stuff.

 

Kasy: Kevin-related stuff...

 

Kita, Kasy, and Angel: YEAH!! (pick up phones and start ordering Kevin-related merchandise)

 

Gohan: ...You put subliminal messages in the theme song...

 

Kevin: (pawing the ground with his foot) It's not like it works on everyone...

 

Fred: Then who does it work on?

 

Kevin: ...Attractive persons of the feminine persuasion...

 

UW: Hot chicks?!?!?!

 

Sara: Then why aren't I affected?

 

Hanami: Yeah, I don't feel a thing either.

 

Fred: Sara, what's square root of 309,136?

 

Sara: 556.

 

Fred: Hanami, how many plays have officially been credited to William Shakespeare?

 

Hanami: 37, but everyone knows that.

 

Fred: There's your answer ladies. You're too smart to be attractive.

 

Sara: But we're attractive!

 

Hanami: Yeah. Some people might go so far as to say HOT!!

 

Kevin: Yeah, but you can really only be one or the other...there's no such thing as a hot smart girl. (the six girls, now peeved at Kevin's statement, hurl him towards the record player, switching it to reverse)

RECORD PLAYER

 

Satan: I am Satan, you will all bow before me and--

 

Kevin: Hey, bitch! This is my record. (sounds of a fight) You ain't nothing!

 

Satan: I'm taking your ass to Chinatown bitch! (Satan hits Kevin with some sort of object)

 

Kevin: Oh it's on!

 

Satan: Like Donkey Kong?

 

Kevin: YOU KNOW IT!!! (scuffle continues)

 

(record player mysteriously self combusts)

 

Gohan: ...(dumbfounded)...You got into a fight...with Satan?

 

Kevin: Yeah...he fights dirty too.

 

UW: Well, stupid, he is the Dark Prince.

 

???: SATAN IS NOTHING COMPARED TO MY GREATNESS!!!! (a short kid with a cape and shorts on walks on flanked by a somewhat taller red-headed girl in a somewhat dominatrix type outfit and a blonde haired girl dressed in a white gown)

 

Gohan: Who are they?

 

Kevin: Oh, those are the guests for today's show. They came all the way from the video game "Disgaea: Hour of Darkness." The shirtless guy is Laharl, Overlord of the Underworld. The chick in the black is Etna, Laharl's semi-loyal vassal. And the holy looking one is Flonne, an angel-in-training.

 

Angel: Ha, you're still in training!

 

Hanami: You're not an angel either. You just made up your own name.

 

Angel: Uh, no. Full fledged Angel here...

 

Kita: (donning a Kevin T-shirt) Yeah.

 

Kasy: (wearing a Kevin hat) She totally got burned.

 

Laharl: Speaking of burns, where is this Satan? I've come to challenge him to a fight, so that I may gain one more step in my quest to rule everything!

 

Kevin: I beat him already. He was a worthy opponent, but in the end, he was no match for my brilliance.

 

Gohan: You cheated somehow...how'd you do it?

 

Kevin: I kicked him in the shins and hit him with a house plant...and then while he was getting up, I shot him twice in the back of the head...execution style.

 

Etna: Wow, this guy sounds pretty relentless...I mean, fighting with him must mean certain death...Laharl, you should fight him.

 

Laharl: Why should I?

 

Etna: Because then you could take over his show and then you could get your name out to the public...that way, everyone knows you're coming for them.

 

Hanami: But this show is public broadcasting...it doesn't even reach down the block.

 

Kevin: Hey! Do you wanna be kicked off the show like J. Crown?

 

Hanami: Eep....No.

 

Kevin: Good...Then let's not discuss our broadcasting capabilities. EVER!

 

Laharl: Well Etna, your plan does make sense. The only problem is that none of them look worthy enough to fight...except for maybe the chimp.

 

Fred: I'm a monkey!

 

Angel: I thought you were a god?

 

Fred: I'm that too.

 

Flonne: (eyes wide with excitement) YOU'RE GOD?!?!?! (rushes over to Fred and becomes to hug him relentlessly) Oh, I'm so glad I could meet you. We were never officially introduced on Celestia because I was still in training, and then the whole assissinate the Overlord mission thing...anyway, it's a pleasure to meet you.

 

Etna: He looks shorter than I would have imagined...

 

Laharl: And hairier... I've got an idea. We fight the monkey and take over all his lands...which is technically everything.

 

Flonne: No, Laharl. You cannot fight God! That's just wrong.

 

Gohan: Fred's not God, he's just a god.

 

Sara: Former.

 

Fred: I could be God! Hell, I practically am compared to you imbred humans.

 

Kita: What's 'imbred' mean?

 

Angel: It's bread that isn't made properly.

 

Kita and Kasy: Oooooh!

 

Kasy: (bows) So wise...

 

Gohan: No, it means--

 

Hanami: Don't bother.

 

Sara: It'll go right out the other ear.

 

Laharl: Alright, new plan. We kill the monkey and the loud-mouth, and take over the show.

 

Kevin: Which one is the loud-mouth?

 

Gohan: He's talking about you.

 

Kevin: (gasp) I'm insulted!

 

Gohan: It was meant as one.

 

UW: This is a load of crap. The only reason they don't want to fight me is cause I'll crush them all!

 

Etna: ....Who is he?

 

UW: I am the INVINCIBLE Unknown Wanderer!!!

 

Etna: No...seriously...Who are you?

 

UW: If I were known I wouldn't be the UNKNOWN Wanderer...would I?... I'd just be Hank...or Carl...or some stupid name like that.

 

Laharl: Anyway, are you going to help us Flonne?

 

Flonne: Well, since he's not THE God, I guess that's not as bad...but it's still wrong to hurt people...SO LET'S KICK THEIR ASSES!!!!

 

Kevin: Whoa whoa whoa...I think you've misunderstood what we do on this show.

 

Etna: Actually, we have no idea what you do on this show...

 

Kevin: Oh...Then let me explain. Our battle today will not be done with physical harm, or weapons persay...but another kind of battle will be held...a 3-on-3 WATERBALLOON FIGHT!!!!

 

Laharl: ...What?

 

Kevin: ...TO THE EXTREME!!!!!

 

UW: How do you take a waterballoon fight to the extreme...

 

Kevin: Well, we're not using regular waterballoons...We're using these...(pulls a curtain to reveal giant penuin...thingies)

 

Fred: We're throwing penguins?

 

Etna: No...we're throwing Prinnies!

 

UW: I'm confused.

 

Kevin: You see, the Prinnies are monsters that look like penguins, but when you throw them, they explode.

 

Prinny #1: Dood, that's not cool.

 

Prinny #2: Yeah...we'll die, dood.

 

Laharl: Like it matters, you're already dead. (Note: Prinnies are the souls of people who haven't been that good, or that bad...basically, purgatory is a penguin! Eventually though, through hard work, they can be reborn into something else.)

 

Prinny #1: But, dood!

 

Kevin: Enough dood! Let's fight! (they all grab a giant container of Prinnies and head to seperate sides of a conviently place arena, filled with things to hide behind)

 

Fred: I'll start things off. (stuffs several Prinnies into his "Pastry Cannon" cannon) PRINNY CANNON!!! (fires and misses)

 

Etna: Oh yeah, take this! (begins a little dance. This is actually one of her moves in the game) PRINNY RAID!!! (thousands of Prinnies come flying from the sky...they all miss)

 

UW: Ha! My turn. (puts Prinnies into a giant double-barrelled gun) DOUBLE BARREL PRINNY BUSTER!!! (misses everything also)

 

Laharl: You call that a move. Watch this! (grabs a Prinny and throws it into the air, jumps up and chops it in half. Then, he kicks the pieces back down towards his targets...this is an original move not in the game) PRINNY MARINADE!!! (the pieces miss)

 

Kevin: You need to learn that the basis of any battle...is strategy. (grabs several Prinnies, chops them into pieces and places them "strategically" into the dirt) PRINNY MINE!!! ...Now the waiting game begins..... Oh the cleverness of me. (a la Peter Pan...ROCK)

 

Flonne: Alright, it's time for my specail attack.

 

Etna: What specail attack? You're a white mage-esque character. You don't attack. You just heal people cause you can't fight.

 

Flonne: (she gives Etna her evil-look) I'll show you who can't fight! (she grabs Etna and straps her to a Prinny. She hurls her into the air and then begins to throw Prinny after Prinny at her...again, original) PRINNY HELLSTORM!!! (Etna is seriously wounded) And don't expect any curative potions from me, bitch!

 

Sara: Score: Kevin's team 1- Laharl's team 0.

 

Laharl: See what you did? You just gave them the lead.

 

Flonne: (gives him the evil eye) Want to be next?!

 

Laharl: (backing down) No...

 

Flonne: Alright then...ATTACK!!!

 

???: STOP WHERE YOU ARE!!! (everyone turns to look at the new arrival...or not so new...you'll see) This game seemed like a lot of fun, but games are for kids, and I'm here to teach you all a lesson... That vegeance is a bitch. Prepare for....Prepare for....Oh crap, LINE!!!

 

??? 2: "Prepare for my wrath."

???: Thank you. Prepare for my wrath!!!

 

Fred: Damnit Miguel! I thought we were through with you.

 

Miguel: Never, little brother.

 

Kevin: And Matt...I thought you were in Japan. (Note: Okinawa...Marines...and all that jazz)

 

Matt: No, that was all a ruse. I was off preparing for vengeance.

 

Miguel: Particularly, my vengeance!

 

Kevin: Oh yeah, well we've been planning for this.

 

Miguel: Liar.

 

Kevin: No, we have.... The last time we saw you, you said you'd return when the patch of hair, that I inadvertently cut off in my wild swinging of a sword, grew back. We tracked the average hair growth of monkeys, added in a little time for the average amount of time it takes for you to make up a plan, and prepare a "cool" villain monologue, and the read-outs pointed to this date.

 

Miguel: ...You did all that?

 

Gohan: No. I did. Kevin just stole my speech and data and claimed them as his own.

 

Kevin: Well, I'm the actor. It's more natural if I say it.

 

Matt: It doesn't matter how much planning you've done. Miguel's vengeance shall be had....NOW!!!

 

Kevin: Ah ha! But you haven't heard the rest of my plan. I put together a group of fighters who could stop you in your devious tracks. Let me introduce...my FIRE SQUAD! (from backstage, out comes Robin Sena from Witch Hunter Robin, Roy Mustang from Full Metal Alchemist, and Johnny Storm from the Fantastic 4)

 

UW: (to Johnny Storm) You know, you've come a long way from having a banana in your ass...

 

Johnny: That was the actor...not me!

 

Miguel: Ha! You think these bafoons can stop me. HELLFIRE SERENADE!!! (lots of fire...lots...)

 

Johnny: FLAME ON!!! (he then just stands there...doing nothing...until he eventually walks off set...it was a good cameo)

 

Roy: (snaps his fingers and starts to change the direction of the fire)

 

Robin: (does the same, except without the finger snapping)

 

Miguel: (halts his attack) Ha. A stand still. Looks like your friends are no match for -- Hey, where'd he go? (notices that Kevin is gone...) ...He must have run away... MUWAHAHA--(his evil laugh is cut short as Kevin sneaks up behind him and puts him in the sleeper hold)

 

Matt: You think that is going to work on someone as mighty as Miguel! (Miguel falls asleep)...Oh... (runs away)

 

Kevin: And now it's time for a classic wrestling moment. (he pulls out some long barber shop clippers and begins to cut all of Miguel's hair off...a la Brutus the Barber Beefcake in the old WWF, circa 1990)

 

UW: Alright, everyone. FIRE!!! (Kevin exits the scene as thousands of Prinnies come raining down on Miguel...killing him)

 

Hanami: Alright...the winner of the Waterballoon fight is Kevin's team!

 

Laharl: WHAT?!?!

 

Flonne: I guess in all the confusion, we forgot to even up the score, and we waisted all our Prinnies on killing that evil monkey.

 

Etna: OWWWW!!! (still in serious pain)

 

Kevin: And that means I'm one step closer to becoming the best at everything.

 

Gohan: But Kevin...now that I think about it...what will happen to Miguel?

 

Kevin: Hopefully, he'll rot in hell.

 

Sara: Wait, but he was the good one.

 

Fred: Not as good as us. (Kevin, UW and Fred all slap high fives...cheesily)

 

Hanami: No, he was the good brother...and then he became evil...so he wasn't quite good, and he wasn't quite bad...

 

Angel: (wearing a "Kevin Rocks My Socks" wife-beater and hip-hugger sweat pants that say "Kevin owns this" on the butt...Oh yeah!) So, what does that mean?

 

Kita: A question that will be a mystery for ages.

 

Kasy: Like, what does the sound of a tree falling sound like...?

 

Sara: ...No, it means Miguel will probably become a Prinny. (all of a sudden, a Prinny walks out and the camera does a close-up on his sneaky eyes)

 

Kevin: THAT'S HIM!!! (pointing to the Prinny that just walked out)

 

Prinny: No, dood...I was just a very sneaky person in real life.

 

Kevin: Oh yeah...who were you?

 

Prinny: ....The former Pope...

 

Kevin: Oh...Well, just to be safe. (the Prinny is bombed by other Prinnies...and killed)

 

Gohan: Well, this has been a very exciting episode.

 

Angel: Word. (has headphones on and is listening to "Kevin sings the Classics")

 

Kita: Is that the second volume?

 

Kasy: I don't know...but his first volume was dynamite....

 

Hanami: So...is that the end of the show then?

 

Kevin: NOT BY A LONG SHOT!!!!

 

Gohan: Damnit!

 

Kevin: We still have the most impotant aspect of our show to do. We have to have.. A CATFIGHT!!!! (people whoop and holler)

 

Sara: You know, it's strange to have such a long segment without a commercial break.

 

Hanami: The people at home must be going crazy cause they can't go to the bathroom yet, in fear that they might miss something important... (pause...then everyone erupts in laughter)

 

Kevin: Anyway, we will now pick our contestants to fight in the time honored tradition...of catfight (gong!). Our first competitor is Nami from One Piece. (walks out...dropping towels that she was planning on stealing from the restrooms) And our second competitor is Faye from Cowboy Bebop. (walks out with the soaps from the bathroom...which she was also planning to steal) Alright ladies. FIGHT! (they begin to fight...cause they each had what the other wanted to steal...so vain woman is...[Kevin the author is then hurled against a wall for his sexist remarks])

 

Everyone: CATFIGHT!!! CATFIGHT!!!

 

Gohan: Well, that's it for today's episode. Join us again in, hopefully, the NEAR future.

 

I'll try to update more often this summer...I've just been busy with work...I now work for the man...sandwich style (Subway employee). Also, I would like to stress that I cannot add any more fanfiction writers to the cast. We already have more people than The View...And as you may have noticed...whilst some characters are just there for cynical comments and sarcasm...others play important parts...we call those men (again, Kevin the author is thrown into a wall for more sexist comments). Anyway, thanks for reading and please review. They brighten my day...and all that crap. And a specail announcement: Whilst viewing the "Fantastic Four" with a friend of mine, we saw an add for mycoke.com...apparently coke has their own blogging website, so we joined just to be crazy...it's a pretty gay site, except for maybe the chat room...I encourage you all to join, so that we may revolt against coke...thank you!