Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction / Dragon Ball/Z/GT Fan Fiction ❯ When You Finally Find One ❯ In Which Kuwabara Spills One of Hiei's Dark Secrets ( Chapter 5 )

When You Finally Find One

By Elbereth in April

Chapter 5: In Which Kuwabara Spills One of Hiei's Dark Secrets

We all met back up at Genkai's temple. The spirit guide Botan was there as well, having run into Yusuke while he and Kuwabara were patrolling. They hadn't seen anything, but Mirai and I described the encounters our groups had had.

"Was this demon a spy for Sensui?" Botan frowned.

"Well, she wasn't a friend of mine," Kurama said.

"Hn. Me, either."

"Do you have friends?" Kuwabara asked.

"Of course he does," Kurama defended him before Hiei could get angry.

"Everything was quiet here," Yukina told us softly. She had ended up sitting between Mirai and Hiei, when Kuwabara hadn't been quite fast enough. I had maneuvered next to Hiei, of course, and Kurama had wormed himself in on my other side, just shy of the point of being uncomfortably close. Trunks, who had also been heading towards Yukina, and then me, found himself confounded on both accounts, and stood confused for a moment until Shizuru tugged gently on his arm. "There's a chair here next to me," she pointed, smiling. He sat.

"So what do we do about that demon?" Pan asked, face scrunched up in worry.

"She's gone now," Yusuke shrugged. "We just have to keep an eye out for her."

"And expect Sensui at any moment," Kurama added. "Now that he's shown an interest again."

We all nodded.

"In the meantime, quit looking so glum," Genkai ordered, standing up. "You youngsters surely know how to keep yourselves entertained the rest of the night. Have at it." She went off to have a smoke.

"I have food ready," Yukina announced. "Can someone help me carry it in here?"

"I will!" Kuwabara spoke first this time, but Hiei shot to his feet with a murderous glare. "No, I will."

"I already volunteered, shrimp."

To head this off, I stood up, hands on my hips, reaching almost exactly the same height as Hiei. "Hey!" I exclaimed with as much wounded indignation as I could muster. "What are you insulting short people for?"

Kuwabara turned to me, looking flummoxed, and Hiei and Yukina ran away toward the kitchen while he apologized to me. Then he noticed they'd disappeared, and sat back down again, preparing to sulk.

"So," Goten said, "the girls were telling us earlier about your battles with Sensui and his gang."

Kuwabara roused himself, looking suddenly wicked. "I bet they didn't tell you about Sam." The 3 members of the Urameshi team still present exchanged amused glances.

"We promised never to tell," Botan nervously reminded the boys. They only started to laugh.

"Wait! What's this?" Shizuru wanted to know. "Why haven't I heard about this?"

Keiko looked pointedly at her man. "Yeah!"

"Hiei will kill you if he finds out you told," Kurama warned, but he still looked amused.

"Oh, tell," urged Trunks, who still considered Hiei a competitor for Yukina.

"OK," Kuwabara agreed without hesitation. We all leaned forward so we wouldn't miss anything. I know I was intrigued. "When the humans with special powers started appearing, we met up with an unusual fellow while we were walking back from Genkai's. . ."

Kuwabara's Tale:

"Ha ha ha!" A weaselly looking fellow with shaggy brown hair bounded out of an alley to block their path. "Give me all your money!"

"Boy, did you pick the wrong people to rob, pal," Yusuke laughed as Kurama moved to stand in front of Botan.

"Ha ha ha ha! That's what you think! You have now entered my field! Unless you can beat me, I will kill you and take your money! Ha ha ha!"

"Not another weirdo with powers," Kuwabara sighed.

Hiei had his sword pointed at the skinny man's throat, whose eyes crossed to look at it. "You'll be the one dying, baka ningen."

"Oh, you're wrong! You can't beat me that way! You're in my field!" He looked back at Hiei and grinned madly.

"Don't, Hiei," Kurama warned. "Remember last time."

Hiei grunted and lowered the blade slowly.

The man began swaying in place, bouncing slightly, chanting, "My field, my field. . ."

Hiei's hands twitched.

"Who are you?" Yusuke scowled.

The man spread out his arms. "I am the Magnificent, Stupendous, Mighty. . . Sam!"

"Okaaay."

Yusuke grinned. "He sounds like you, Kuwabara."

"Oi!" Kuwabara aimed a swing at Yusuke, who ducked. "I don't sound that stupid!"

"Yes, you do," the other four chorused.

"I challenge-you!" Sam cried exaltedly, ignoring this last exchange. He pointed at Hiei.

"Ch'. Baka." Hiei sheathed his katana and shoved his hands in his pockets. When Sam didn't stop pouting from being called a baka, he prompted, "Well? How are we fighting?"

Sam brightened up then. "I challenge you to-the Ultimate Old T.V. Show Jingle Singing Contest!"

They all just stared at him.

"Nani?"

"Pst. Kurama!" Hiei motioned him closer with a tilt of his head.

"Yes?"

"What's a jingle?"

The others all sweatdropped. "I believe he is referring to T.V. show theme music," Kurama replied. "All T.V. shows have songs that are played at the beginning of the show, during the credits."

"He wants me to sing."

"Exactly!" Sam exclaimed happily. "I'll sing one, then you'll sing one. When one of us can't counter, the other has won. The songs must be catchy, from a show no longer taping new episodes, and they must have words."

"Ah." Hiei nodded. "Very well. One last question. Kurama."

"Yes?"

"What's a T.V. show?"

Everyone fell over.

Kurama recovered first. "You know, Hiei. Television. The box in my living room with the moving pictures."

Sam sprang up. "Ha ha ha! I am sure to defeat you!"

The others stood as well. "Hiei. . . do you know any T.V. jingles?" Yusuke asked.

". . ."

"Hiei?"

". . . no."

Kuwabara leapt forward. "I, the Great Kuwabara Kazuma, will take you on, Sam! I am well-versed in old T.V. shows, for I have often cut school and watched reruns! I shall beat you and save Hiei's life!"

"I don't need your help, baka!" Hiei scowled angrily.

"No offense, Hiei, I think you do," Yusuke whispered to him.

"But I challenged the little one," Sam whined.

"What's wrong?" Kuwabara taunted. "Is the mighty Sam afraid to face me?"

"Never!" Sam's face set determinedly. "Very well. We shall battle! I will begin with. . . Gilligan's Island!

"Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale, a tale of a fateful trip. . ."

"Argh!" Yusuke held his head. "That'll be going through my mind for a good couple hours!"

Sam laughed maniacally.

Kuwabara remained undaunted. "Well, take this-The Munsters!"

The following two hours and twenty-seven minutes were heated. And, for the listeners, annoying.

"Mr. Ed!"

"Cheers!"

"The Facts of Life!"

"The Love Boat!"

"Um, Kuwabara, why do you know that one? Tell me you don't watch The Love Boat!" Yusuke was laughing.

"Shut up, Urameshi!" Kuwabara blushed. "You're interfering with our battle!"

"Family Ties!"

"The Muppets!"

"The Dukes of Hazzard!"

"Ah, that one'll be in my head awhile," Kurama complained.

"You just watched it to see Daisy Duke, didn't you?" Yusuke nudged him with his elbow. Kurama blushed. Botan stared at him.

"The Smurf Song!"

Sam shook his head. "Doesn't count. No words."

" `La' is a word!"

"Nope."

Kuwabara frowned. "Oh, all right. The Jeffersons!"

___________ __________

(Meanwhile, while Kuwabara was sharing his story. . .)

"Go ahead then, Sensui. Tell us your plan."

"Well, um." He cleared his throat. "I haven't made one up yet. I've been sleeping."

"Oh."

"But I'm going to work on it now! Come on, Itsuki." He and his partner left the room.

Gurkin sighed. "I should be working on something evil right now."

"I picked you up something!" Crystal bounded over and joined him on the couch, pulling a library book from her cloak. "Here!"

Gurkin read the title. "`Babysitting for Profit and World Domination.'"

"I thought you could raise up your own minions," Crystal told him excitedly. "Yours for the corrupting! Then you could have truly loyal, competent henchmen! "

Gurkin stared from her to the book and back again. "Through babysitting?"

She laughed. "People always need sitters! Or, or, maybe you could start your own daycare! Exposure to more kids that way."

Gurkin's expression turned thoughtful.

_________ __________

(Back to Kuwabara's Tale. . .)

"Three's Company!"

"The Greatest American Hero!"

"Different Strokes!"

"Ooh, good one."

"Hong Kong Phooey!"

"Kuwabara watches way too much T.V.," Kurama whispered to Yusuke.

"What time is it now?"

"They've been going on for over three hours."

"The Flintstones!"

"The Jetsons!"

"Mr. Roger's Neighboorhood!"

"Fiend!" Kuwabara exclaimed, far too caught up in this. "Not the Neighbor song!"

"Yes! Ha ha ha ha!"

"Get on with it, Kuwabara." Hiei rolled his ruby eyes.

"Fear not, Hiei!" Kuwabara shouted. "I shall save you!"

Hiei gaped at him.

"I have the jingle to end all jingles!" Kuwabara continued proudly.

"Impossible!" Sam laughed. "I am invincible!"

"Fool! Just wait!" Kuwabara paused. The others waited, wide-eyed and breathless. Even Sam felt the tension.

Kuwabara cleared his throat. "Here's the story, of a lovely lady, who was bringing up three very lovely girls. . ."

Everyone took a step back, horror on their faces. Yusuke's hands clamped over his ears, to no avail.

"All had hair of gold, like their mother, the youngest one in curls. . ."

Sam let out a despairing wail. "Curses! You were right! No one can top the Brady Bunch! I'll be singing that song the rest of the day! You have won!" He began to weep as his field shuddered and collapsed.

"Let that be a lesson to you!" Kuwabara laughed. "No one can out-sing the ever-heroic, all-wise, Kuwabara Kazuma!"

"I hate you," Yusuke said, trying to stop himself from humming.

Hiei's katana was back at Sam's throat. "You have 3 seconds to take a vow of silence before I cut your tongue out. 1. . . 2. . ."

"All right, all right," Sam gasped, terrified by the malice in Hiei's eyes. "I swear I'll never sing again!"

Hiei let him go finally when Kurama patted him on the back. "It'll be OK."

"Yes!" Kuwabara whooped as Sam ran away as fast as he possibly could. "Now that I have saved you, Hiei. . ."

Hiei whipped around and glared at Kuwabara. "You did not save me."

He grinned. "I did. Admit it."

"I didn't need your interference!"

"Come on, Hiei, who's the man?"

Hiei's eyes flashed and his blade came up again. "I'm warning you, ningen. . ."

Kuwabara came and leaned down, until their faces were only about a foot apart. "Just say, `Hi, I'm Hiei, and Kuwabara's my savior.' Go on."

Hiei's face turned red, then white, then red again. Kurama quickly stepped in between them. "Let me kill him, Kurama," Hiei hissed.

"I can't, Hiei. I'm sorry. He did beat Sam. He was the one who thought of the Brady Bunch."

"I think you should kill him."

They all turned to Botan in shock. "Nani? Why?" Kuwabara demanded, an expression of betrayal on his face.

Botan was pouting. "I've never seen that show. I've never heard that song before. But even I will have that song going through my head the rest of the day."

Kurama started to laugh.

Yusuke grabbed Botan's hand. "Quick, we'll go back to my place and listen to The Offspring to counter-act it!"

Kuwabara huffed, "Such ingratitude!"

Kurama took Botan's other hand, still laughing. "I'm coming, too. But I don't think Botan will like that group. How `bout The Beatles?"

The way was now clear for Kuwabara to see Hiei's face again. "Next time we're in a fight, Hiei, don't hesitate to call on me to save. . ."

Smoke began to rise from Hiei's arm as his aura exploded. All four stopped dead and stared at him in fear. "None of you will ever speak of this again. You will tell no one. It Did Not Happen. Is that understood?"

Eyes huge, they all nodded. Hiei impaled Kuwabara with his gaze. Gulping hard, Kuwabara nodded fiercely.

"Fine." Hiei sheathed his sword and flitted off. Just before even the blur of his shadow vanished, they heard a deep voice humming a few strains of the Brady song, then one last fading sentence. . . "Argh, I hate you all!"

_______ ________

Kuwabara finished his tale. For a moment, there was total silence. Then, "No way. Is that all true, Yusuke?" Keiko asked.

He assured her that it was. More silence.

Then, simultaneously, we all burst out laughing. Yukina and Hiei entered at that moment with the food.

"What's going on?" Yukina asked innocently.

The only reply was from Yusuke, who managed to whistle the first couple bars of That Tune in between hysterical giggles.

Hiei's jaw clenched. He carefully set the food on the table, so as not to upset all of Yukina's hard work. Then he started undoing the bandages on his arm.

Kurama jumped up. "Hiei, Hiei, we're just kidding!"

"Traitorous fox. Shut up!"

"Just ignore them, Hiei. They'll calm down eventually," Mirai said.

It's possible reason might have worked, if Kuwabara hadn't struck an exaggerated super-hero pose and yelled, "That's right, who's the man?"

Kurama rolled his eyes and sat back down, Botan squealed and covered her eyes, and Yusuke shielded Keiko.

Yukina grabbed Hiei's arm. "Please don't kill him." She looked at him with pleading, liquid eyes.

"Why bother killing him?" I added, standing up and walking over to the two of them. "What has he proved except he watches television and you don't? He's just a ningen." Yukina glanced at me, then stepped away, while remaining in front of us, conveniently concealing us from everyone else watching. I leaned close, closer. "And you," I breathed in his ear, "are one hot, forceful, dangerous fire demon. You have better things to do than waste your time on him."

"Like what?" he mumbled back.

"Go outside to the porch and I'll join you in two minutes. You'll find out then." I gave him my most seductive smile.

He blushed, nodded, and disappeared.

Yukina was smiling as she draped an arm around each of my brothers. "You like tofu, right? I made lots."

I stretched and looked around the room. Most people looked confused, but Marron flashed me a V with her fingers.

"I thought I was dead for sure," Kuwabara said in surprise.

"Yeah, what's up with that?" Yusuke wondered.

I went and sat down next to Goten. "What jingle are you humming?" he asked me.

Had I been humming? Oh. . . I blushed just a bit, realizing what song it was. "Nothing," I laughed, and then diverted his attention to the food.

The Wedding March still resounded smugly around my mind, refusing to leave my head.