Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction / Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction ❯ Mission In America II ❯ Okie-Dokie Then ( Chapter 2 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

It turned out there was a man on the wing. He had climbed up onto the wrong plane when shooting an episode of the Twilight Zone. The emergency landing set them back a few hours, but it was worth the wait because William Shatner was waiting back on the ground. Ohh, yes. Back to the plane they go... But I get to stay behind with him as I tell this story.

"What the--?" Kuwabara took a good look out the window as they took off, and then turned to Kurama. "I thought I just saw Koenma out there with William Shatner. I must be hallucinating. Just like Genkai." He felt a sharp pain in the back of his head, most likely caused by Genkai's fist.

"I wasn't hallucinating, you idiot!" she snapped, kicking at his seat. "This sucks. We didn't even get to talk to William Shatner, after all that trouble. They both heard a sigh in the direction of Kurama, and dared to look. The red-headed teen was staring dreamily at the ground through the window.

"William Shatner..." he sighed to himself. “In person! Mercy me!" The others stared in horror as he giggled with glee. "And to think I've been spying on every TV channel imaginable just to get a glimpse of him!" He suddenly perked up, turned around to find that he had an audience, and cleared his throat loudly. "My... er... mother is a big fan. Ahem."

Within two hours of the trip, the monitors began to play Mary Poppins. Yugi and Tea broke out in song during "Supercalafragilisticexpealidocious," and even Joey seemed to be grunting to the music. Their gleeful singing spread throughout the plane like a deadly virus, and soon everyone but some somewhat frightened spirit detectives were showing the disturbing symptoms and singing their brains out.

"Kurama, hold me," whimpered Kuwabara, burying his face in Kurama's shoulder. Kurama patted him on the back and glanced about warily, while Hiei unsheathed his sword, which he had somehow gotten past the metal detectors, and resisted the urge to chop off heads the best he could. The plane ride of hell seemed to last forever, but eventually it came to an end, and the group went off to claim their baggage.

Kuwabara caught up with Yusuke, huffing and puffing. "Where'd you come from?" Yusuke asked, keeping an eye out for his tattered gray suitcase. His eyes averted to Kuwabara's ghostly white face. "You look like you've just seen someone get shot."

"We don't have time to pick up our luggage, man," he said, still wheezing. "There's actually a shooting going on right now outside the airport! We gotta do something. It's pretty bloody."

"But my bag is right there," said Genkai as she watched a brown suitcase on the conveyer belt, moving further and further away from her. "Could I just-"

"Come on!" exclaimed Yusuke.

"But..." she murmured. Yusuke and Kuwabara were already heading for the exit. "I... But..." She sighed and ran after them. When she caught up with them, she pulled at Yusuke's sleeve. "Please, just let me go back for my bag!"

"Genkai, what's more important? Your luggage or the lives of innocent people?"

"That's a trick question, right?" she asked, head tilted to the side. Yusuke shoved her out the exit and followed. "But it's got all my butterfingers in there! I need those!"

"Everyone back off!" shouted the guy with the gun. "I'm not afraid to kill you all right now. I dare you to even try to stop me."

"Holy smokes!" exclaimed Yugi. He ran over to the gun wielder, waving his arms excitedly. "It's Seto Kaiba! Hi Kaiba! How's your brother? What are you doing in Americ-- AH?!" Yugi fell to his knees, clutching his stomach. "He shot me! Why would he shoot me?"

"I dared you!" Kaiba shouted in response. "And now I double dog dare you!!" He reloaded the gun, stepped toward Yugi, and pointed it at his head. Yugi whimpered quietly and looked around for someone who might help him.

"Maybe we should get him out of this mess," said Kuwabara. "It's not entirely his fault, after all. We probably shouldn't have taken him with us." They both looked at Yugi, curled on the ground, gurgling like a dying animal. "Nah."

"Oh, God, what have I done?" Kaiba looked down at the trembling, bleeding Yugi, then at all his other victims. He dropped the gun, his eyes open wide with horror, and it went off, injuring one of the survivors a second time.

"YOU SHOT ME AGAIN!"

"I'm so sorry!" cried Kaiba, running over to him and crying like a little girl. Kuwabara thought deeply, and then pulled a little red book out of the back pocket of his jeans. He flipped through the pages until he reached the word "pazzest."

"That's it," he said, pointing to the word and showing it to Yusuke. "This is my Funky Medical Dictionary. All the symptoms match up. That guy is pazzest."

"Don't you mean possessed?'" asked Yusuke. He took the dictionary from Kuwabara and flipped through the pages. "Um... Kuwabara... None of these words are spelled correctly. Even I can figure that out."

"You know, like in Exorcist," he said, pointing to Kaiba. "In my own language, we would call him pazzest."

"Oh, you mean that movie with the little old lady and that freaky devil girl?" he asked as he associated the fake words with their original form. "What... Orgne? Is does that mean orgy or orange?"

"I remember that movie," said Genkai. "I remember everything that makes Yusuke cry... And then I use its strength against him if he gets on my nerves. It would be a lot more fun if he weren't afraid of everything."

"That movie was freaky," Kuwabara replied. "But you know what was really freaky? Poltergeist. That kept me lying in bed for days. I kept thinking about that tree outside my window. I think it actually did move. That was probably Hiei, though..."

"You're such a wimp," said Yusuke. "And Genkai... I don't cry, okay? I'm not capable of making tears. There is only one movie that even came close to scaring me, and that was Ju-on."

"That was not scary," Genkai scoffed. "I've seen scarier in your bedroom. Do you just shove everything under your bed?"

"Don't mind me," murmured Yugi. "I'm just lying here on the cold ground with my GUTS HANGIN' OUT!!"

"So you're telling me you're afraid of dirty laundry?"

"DAMN IT GUYS!!" cried Yugi.

"Okay, whatever. Kaiba's possessed. What do we do, Kuwabara? You're the medical expert." Kuwabara pulled out a green book and flipped through the pages. "How many books do you have in there?"

"About six, I think. I'll have to count later." He finally found the appropriate page, and glanced at Kaiba to make sure he wasn't killing anyone. "We better hurry. I think he's changing back. Okay... According to this book, we need to find a little old lady and exorcise the demon." Yusuke and Kuwabara looked at Genkai.

"Wha-what?" she stammered, looking at them both, and then looked at herself. "Oh yeah."

"Do you have any idea how to perform an exorcism?" he asked, flipping through the book for more information.

"Well duh, it's my job," she muttered. "If you two can hold him down, I should be able to bring him back and cast out the demon." Yusuke and Kuwabara looked at each other, looked at the gun in Kaiba's hand, and then backed away. "Oh, come on! I can't do it without you guys!"

"I'll help you, Genkai," said a voice from behind her. She turned around. It was Joey, and Tea was with him. "Just leave it to me and Tea, here. She'll distract him, and I'll grab him from behind." Genkai blinked.

"Are you sure? Do you have any experience in tackling armed possessed people?" Joey shook his head. "Go right ahead, then. Good luck." He nodded, and then whispered his plan to Tea.

"I have a bad feeling about this, guys," said Yusuke. "Isn't there some kind of law of cinema we're trying to break here? The plan to distract the villain and grab him from behind fails every single time, the two trying to restrain him get mutilated, and then the one performing the exorcism or trying to kill him or whatever gets it next."

"Not only is this real life and not some kind of made up story, but there's one more law of cinema you've forgotten," Genkai said assuredly. Yusuke looked at her questioningly. "The woman always lives. Tea might die, though."

"Well, that's okay." They all nodded, and watched the action carefully. Tea jumped out at Kaiba and started dancing.

"Hey, look at me, Kaiba!" she exclaimed. "I'm dancing! Dancing, Kaiba! Whoo-hoo! Look at this! Wow!" Kaiba stared, tilted his head, and aimed his gun at her, but Joey grabbed his arms and held him back. "Now, Genkai!" Genkai stepped forward and began the chant.

"Shu..." She made the first symbol with her hands, and continued. "No..." The second symbol. Usually a barrier would appear around her, but it didn't. She didn't worry about it though, and continued. "Ken!" Genkai poked two fingers into Kaiba's chest, but she didn't puncture his skin. "What the hell?!"

"That hurt..." muttered Kaiba. "Why did you have to poke me so hard?"

"Shu no ken! Shu no ken!" She jumped up and down, chanting it over and over. "Why isn't it working? What do I have to do? Say it in English?!" She stopped and thought for a moment. "Oh yeah." Too late. Kaiba broke free and aimed his gun at Genkai. "Well this sucks!" Joey leaped out in front of her just as he pulled the trigger and took the bullet.

He hit the ground with a thud. All was silent.

"That... was..." Genkai looked up at the sky, a look of triumph on her face. "Perfect! That was absolutely how it was supposed to happen! Oh great cinema god, you never fail me!" Bang. Thud. "Okay, I'm revoking my faith."

Tea looked around, and then waved at Kaiba. "Hi, Kaiba. I guess it's just you and me now." Bang. Thud. "My mistake!" Yusuke and Kuwabara watched from a distance.

"Did he..." Yusuke mumbled. "Did he kill them all?" Kuwabara dropped his book into the grass, and then let himself fall to his knees. "Are they all really... dead?"

All was quiet for what seemed like forever as Yusuke and Kuwabara tried to realize what had happened, and when they finished gathering their thoughts, they were both certain that their friend had died an ironic, painfully stupid death, but a voice called out from beyond.

"I'm not dead, dimwit!" called a voice that sounded like Genkai's. Yusuke searched for the source, but found nothing. "He shot me in the shoulder, but I'm bleeding pretty heavily, so finish this up already!" Bang. "OH MY GOD, HE JUST SHOT ME IN THE ASS." Yusuke continued to search for the source.

"Almighty disembodied voice, where do you come from?" he asked, looking up into the sky.

"Are you kidding?!" she exclaimed. "I'm right over here! Have you completely forgotten about me already? I'm still alive, and I'd like to stay that way!"

"Where?" He continued to look around.

"Here, moron! Get that honey roasted peanut out of your left ear and follow my voice!" Yusuke reached far into his left ear and pulled out the peanut that he had stuck in his ear to prove to Kuwabara that he had a brain. He never figured out how sticking food in his ear would prove it. "Now look over here!" It was coming from Genkai.

"Oh God, you're still alive!" he cried out. He hugged Kuwabara, who looked at him awkwardly, for he had known who the speaker was the entire time, and then he straightened himself out and faced Kaiba.

"You have insulted my master!" exclaimed Yusuke. "And caused her internal bleeding and possible death!"

"The woman always lives!" she shouted weakly. "Young couple goes first, and then the crazy guy with the shovel. And then it's random after that, but one woman and one man always live!"

"You could be right," said Yusuke. "But what about The Ring? Her boyfriend died and only she and her son lived, and I don't think her son counts as a man because he was just a bo--"

"Urameshi, focus!" shouted Kuwabara. Yusuke shook his head and faced Kaiba again.

"Sorry," he said. "Now, where was I? Oh, yeah. The cool part where I say all my really flashy lines, and then we go all kung fu style. Hwaah!" Yusuke danced around like a retarded ninja for a minute then resumed his normal stance. Kaiba looked at him, and then looked at the gun in his hand, and aimed it at him. "Well, it looks like this is the end."

"If only the others were here to back us up," said Kuwabara.

"I wonder what they're doing right now," said Yusuke. He began to ponder this. Back at the local hotel...

"I told you a thousand times: We don't have a garden! We barely have any grass around here!" shouted the guy at the check in counter.

"Not even a window box?" asked Kurama. "You don't understand... I need plants. To live. To survive."

"Don't we all, technically?" asked Tea, who had been told by Joey to join up with the others if anything went wrong and leave everyone else to die. "Don't we all need plants to create oxygen for us to breathe? And we know we all need that to survive. That's why we should prevent forest fires and never, ever pollute! And smoking is bad too!"

"Would you happen to have an effective weapon of any sort, preferably one that'll do the job nice and quick?" he asked.

"Check the shed in back. Chainsaw," said the man at the counter.

"Bless you," Kurama whispered, cupping his hands below his chin to gesture his gratitude and making his way to the back of the building. Back to Yusuke, Kuwabara, and gunshot victims...

"Hey Urameshi, didn't Genkai teach you anything about exorcism?" asked Kuwabara. "We've gotta do something. We can't go down like this. We used to dodge bullets. We're really out of shape now, but I'm sure we can dodge enough to get close to him."

"You're right," said Yusuke, kicking back dirt like a bull ready to charge. "We need a plan. I'm not going down without a fight."

"You distract him, and I'll check the book to see if there's anything else we can do." Kuwabara pulled out his medical book and started flipping through the pages, and Yusuke nodded to show he understood.

"Hey, Kaiba!" he shouted. Kaiba ignored Kuwabara and focused on him. "Hit me if you can!" He charged at Kaiba, darting from left to right every now and then so he was hard to hit. Kaiba couldn't follow his movements. The plan was working.

"See you, Urameshi!" Kuwabara called from behind. Yusuke fell on his face. He was running away. He set him up so he could run away. "You've made it through bullet wounds before, so chances are you'll be okay when I come back with an ambulance!" Kuwabara ran off, and Kaiba started laughing.

"You humans are so inferior," he jested, cocking the gun and pressing it against Yusuke's head. "You can't even pull together to take down one little old demon like me. If you can't kill me, you'll never defeat the A-Z clan." Yusuke perked up.

"You know about the A-Z clan?" he asked, looking Kaiba in the eyes.

"Of course I do. I'm their leader, Zeiom, after all. I'm the demon who's been leading them on. They wouldn't know a real demon if it... say... talked them into killing humans!" He laughed maniacally, and Yusuke took the chance to knock the gun out of the way and restrain Kaiba. "Very good. I underestimated you."

"Tell me where the A-Z clan is hiding out," grumbled Yusuke. He held Kaiba firmly in place by wrapping his arm around his neck and pulling him backwards. "Tell me or I'll take your head off."

"It's not my head, Yusuke Urameshi. It's the head of this young man." Yusuke hesitated. "I'm afraid it won't be that easy, but I'll give you a break. I'll disappear for now."

"Don't you dare--!” Too late. Kaiba returned to normal. Yusuke released him and hid his face in his hands in shame. "I had him right there and he got away from me."

"It doesn't matter," said Kaiba. Yusuke turned around to face him. "I know where he is, and I'll take you there for freeing my soul. He possessed me because I found him out, and I came to tell you. Letting me go was a big mistake, but he obviously doesn't think much of any of you."

"That'll change. All of that will change when we find him and grind his face into the dust." He kicked at a rock, hard, and it went flying out of sight. "Kuwabara probably went to the hotel to meet Kurama, so we'll catch up with him there." Yusuke walked over to a random car, and found the keys. Only in America. "Hey, possessed guy!"

"Just call me Seto!" called out Kaiba.

"Right, Seto, you wanna go kick some demon butt or something?" asked Yusuke.

"Do I!" exclaimed Kaiba with glee. He threw away his gun and stood next to Yusuke, jumping from one foot to another like a giddy school girl.

"C'mon, pansy." He grabbed Kaiba's sleeve and directed him to the car. "Can you drive?"

"No," said Kaiba.

"Good! You're driving!" Yusuke claimed his seat and Kaiba pulled the car out of the parking lot, leaving Yugi, Joey, and Genkai behind.

"Wait!" shouted Genkai. "Don't just leave me here to die! The crows will feed off of my flesh and I'll get run over a few times and no one will ever notice I'm here because I'm so tiny! Don't le-heave me!"

"Well Genkai, it looks like we'll just have to await our deaths," said Yugi. "But at least we're spending the last moments of our lives together." Genkai looked at him with her eyes open wide.

"Oh look! It's a miracle! I'm going to live!" she exclaimed as she got to her knees, and then to her feet. "See ya in hell, Yugi!" She ran for her life, ignoring the searing pain in her shoulder and the blood pouring from her body.

"Okay, see you there! I hope it's warm!" he called back. "Oh, and could you get help?" There was no answer. "Please!"

"So Genkai escaped a near-death experience thanks to some biker and the convenience of having a hospital only a few seconds away, Kuwabara rescued Joey and Yugi with that ambulance, and we're all alive and ready to take on these demon slayers," said Yusuke. "Who wants a soda? I'm headin' for the vending machine downstairs." He began to step out the door.

"Anything diet!" called Genkai.

"I'll have a Mountain Dew!" said Kuwabara.

"Is that it?" Yusuke asked. "No one else?" Everyone was silent. "Okay, I'll be right back! Don't have too much fun without me!"

"Who wants to have fun without Yusuke?" asked Kurama. Everyone raised their hands. "Okay, how about we play Monopoly?"

"Hell no," said Kuwabara.

"Pictionary?" asked Genkai.

"Nah," said everyone at once.

"Twister?" asked Kuwabara.

"You're kidding, right?" asked Genkai as she stretched out, her bones emitting a loud cracking sound from the extreme stress of laying out on a hospital bed for five hours straight.

"I like Guess Who," muttered Hiei. He was sitting by the window with a magazine in his lap. "And when I win I like to keep all my little people in a box under my bed so I can shake it up whenever I get mad."

"What do you think we are? A bunch of kids?" grunted Kuwabara.

"Well, not including Genkai... Yeah. So we're a bunch of kids and an old lady that makes annoying sounds when she moves."

"I'll never sound the same," said Genkai. "Hey, Mr. Murderer is being pretty quiet over there." She gestured to Kaiba. He sat against the wall at the opposite side of the room. "What's up with you?" He didn't answer.

"I said what's up." Again, he didn't answer. "Yeah, whatever. Who wants to play Soul Caliber II on the PS2?" Everyone raised their hands.