Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction ❯ "Yu Yu Drama!" ❯ "Yu Yu Drama!" #2 of 2 ( Chapter 2 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

[ACT 1...GENKAI'S TEMPLE]

(Koenma narrorates)

You all will train under Genkai weeks before your match. I expect you all to be in tiptop form for the battle royale.

Gus - Wouldn't a battle royale mean everybody for themselves? This is more of a 'Survivor Series'-kinda deal.

Don't argue with the narrorator.

Gus - I will if he's being stupid, and I'll enjoy it!

(Suddenly an old woman appears ontop of the steps, her name is Genkai. Master of the Spirit Wave technique, and torturer/mentor of Yuusuke. )

(Everyone just sort of gasps and stays silent, except for the YuYu crew who have already been there and done that)

Candice - (in awe) She's so mysterious...

Genkai - (smirked)

Candice - And ugly!

Genkai - (just glares at her for a few minutes) (not even blinking once) Now... (recollects herself) while under my training prepare for the most serious kind of back breaking labor. I will push you all to your maximum so hard, that even your vomit will know how to throw a proper jump kick. In short, don't expect to have "fun" here kids.

Candice - (in the background, holding beach floaties, wearing a Gulligan hat) Dagnabit!

Genkai - Now let's beginning the training with some sparring, shall we? (walked over to the mini-fighter's arena she set up)

Candice - (making weird faces at the YuYu crew)

Gus - (sticking his tongue out at the veteran Spirit detectives)

Nisi - (growling at them, while getting pet on the head by Gus)

Hiei - (unamused) Their so childish.

Yuusuuke - I agree.

Hiei - (noticed Yuusuuke pulling his eyelids down and making faces back at them) (rolls eyes) Uggh...

Kurama - Are you guys paying attention?

Candice - I'm paying attention. (staring lovingly at Yuusuke's behind)

Yuusuke - (turned around to notice Candice) (eyed her completely dumbfounded)

Candice - (seductive tone) (innocent smile) Is there anything you need?

Yuusuke - (looks at Kuwabara)

Kuwabara - (shrugs) (then turns to see Gus and Genkai facing each other, suddenly everyone is dead silent)

Genkai - So you want to train under me?

Gus - Not really.

Genkai - (blinks) Nevertheless. Koenma has insisted that we spar, so that we may test your abilities. (put down her tea) (immediately struck a fighting stance) I give you the first move.

Gus - (shrug) Okay. (walked in front of her and took an equally intimidating fighting stance)

Kurama - (serious) Their forms are flawless. I can't spot any holes in their guards.

Gus - (sigh) Well, it's about that time. ( pulls out a small tube of pepper spray and nails her directly in the eyes with it)

Genkai -(holding her eyes) (rolling on the floor in agony) MY EYES! MY EYES! MY FREAKIN' EYES! (the whole YuYu Hakusho cast's jaws just drop)

Kurama - (losing all composure) WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?

Nisi - Woo hoo! A point for Team Pokemon!

Syber - (put his hand over his face) (sigh) I don't know why I let you name us.

Genkai - (fighting back tears) That's... not normal peppar spray, is it?

Gus - No. I figured normal pepper spray wouldn't be enough, so I mixed in some Clorox.

Yuusuke - HOLY S***! CLOROX!? WTF WERE YOU THINKING!?

Gus - I told you, I was thinking normal pepper spray isn't enough.

Genkai - Very... unorthodox. (struggling to stand)

Gus - Well, it's not like I was going to beat you with martial arts or anything. You'd curbstomp me in hand-to-hand.

Genkai - I see. (begins using healing powers on her eyes) Very well. I'll allow this.

Kuwabara - Objection, your honor!

Genkai - (ignores his words) You compensated for your disadvantages nicely.

Gus - I'm just glad you were a good sport about it. I don't need to get my *ss whooped by someone older than my great grandma.

(You now see the gang training in Genkai's woods. We witness Balzac flying away from Mune in a panic.)

Mune - (giddy) Come back, ugly batman! I want you to play with me! (pumps her grenade launcher)

Balzac - (the bat demon is crying) Why won't you humans leave Balzac alone!?

(Candice and Masa are struggling with killer vines and demon wolves. Meanwhile, Gus is simply using a flamethrower to make his way through the forest.)

Gus - (with an unlit cigar in his mouth) Ya see, Nisi? (turns to his protege as demons flee from the fire) This is the only way to travel!

Nisi - Aren't you destroying the enviroment?

Gus - (spits out cigar) Puh-lease. It's a forest for demons. I figure it was already tainted past salvation. I'm just doing my part for the great supernatural circle of life.

Nisi - (grin) That is so inspiring.

(Gus and Nisi burn their way through the end of the forest, meanwhile Mune has blasted her own path. Masa and Candice arrived shortly after. They see Syber sitting at the foot of the large tree at the end of the clearing beyond the edge of the forest.)

Syber - (turns to face them) Oh, hey guys. (playing a GameCube) I'm just about to beat "Metroid Prime", what kept you?

(Their jaws all dropped.)

[ACT 2...THE MOUNTAINS NEAR GENKAI'S TEMPLE, the original Spirit detectives are waiting for their opponents so they can begin their matches.]

Koenma - (impatiently looking at his watch)

Hiei - Their late.

Kuwabara - Guess they chickened out!

(Suddenly the wind picks up)

Gus - Think again. (out from a sudden mist, comes the Insanity gang)

Yuusuke - (eyeing them, then looks down to see they all appear to be wearing identical team t-shirts) What...the...Hell?

(Gus, Masa, Mune, Nisi, and Syber are all trying to look bad *ss, but fail miserablely considering how they all are wearing home made Team Pokemon T-shirts with badly drawn pictures of the Pokemon characters on it)

Masa - (eyed her shirt) We just had to wear the shirts Nisi made, didn't we?

Nisi - (grinned) (proudly displaying his yellow Team Pokemon shirt) I did a great job didn't I?

Syber - (livid) Why did I get the pink one!?

Masa - (tried) 'Cause Mune wanted the blue one.

Mune - I always gets what I want! (cackles)

Yuusuke - (immediately decides upon changing the subject) So... (seriously) how do you guys want to do this?

Candice -(walking out seriously from the fog) I know, we can play...(face lit up)(nausiatingly chipper) STRIP POKER! (held the cards in the air with pride)

Yuusuke -(facefaults) (sweatdroplit) WHAT!?

Candice - Let's go! (suddenly all the aces hidden in her sleeve fallout) (laughed nervously) Oops.

Gus - (livid) If you won't hit her, I will!

Kurama - We appear to have more guests.

Syber - (turned around to see...) Lauren!? Adnan!? How did you guys get here?

Lauren - I have no clue. Last thing I know is Mune beating me over the head repeatedly with a spatula.

Adnan - Count your blessings, I was forced to drink gallons of Mr. Clean bottles by that biotch.

Mune - (pops up out of nowhere) (super grin) We needed some moral support so I brought them over!

Koenma - (also pops up out of the blue) (livid) How many times must I tell you that you didn't have to kill anyone for them to come into the Spirit World?

Syber - You idiot! The fight doesn't even take place in the Spirit World! We're in the Human World!

Mune - (looked around) Hmmm, so it be.

Candice - Are we gonna fight already? I'm getting impatient.

Koenma - Very well then. Candice you will go against Kuwabara.

Kuwabara - I won't take it easy on you.

Candice - (yawned) Yar-yar, do whatever you want. Just don't bore me.

Lauren - (in the audience) SKIN 'EM ALIVE, CANDICE! (Yukina, Shizuru, and Botan are sitting two seats below her horrified) (looked down at them) (blinks) What? You wanna start something?

Koenma - Masa you will deal with Yuusuuke.

Yuusuuke - (glared at Masa) (smirk) (cracked knuckles)

Masa - Oh... yay, me. (rolled eyes) Why are we fighting again?

Koenma - Syber and Kurama...(they both looked up) ...you go for tea.

Syber and Kurama - Can do.

Masa - Why don't they fight!?

Syber - 'Cause fighting for moronic reasons would be too out of our character.

Masa - I don't like fighting for moronic reasons, too!?!?

Koenma - And lastly...Mune Versus Hiei.

Mune - (head slowly turned backwards to eye Hiei)

Hiei - (glares at her somewhat disturbed)

Mune - (starts drooling)

Hiei - (aside) I better make this quick.

Koenma - Great, everything is already set u...

Candice - (immediately went for the attack) Let's start this!

Koenma - (hurt) She didn't let me finish. (George just patted him in the back for sympathy)

Kuwabara - (ready to attack)

Candice - (then quickly stops in her tracks) (offers her hand) Let's make it a nice clean fight...

Kuwabara - (blinks) (smiles) (extends hand) Sure!

Candice - (kicks him in the stomach hard) PSYCHE!

Masa - (dodging spirit gun blasts from Yuusuke) Crap! Crap! (thinking) Back off! Back off!

Yuusuke - This is too easy!

Masa - You underestimate me. (got out her sword) Now I get serious.

Yuusuke - (lifted eyebrow) Hm?

Masa - (smirk) Try your attack. Bet you my sword can deflect it!

Yuusuke - (charged his spirit gun once more) OK. (immediately shot it again)

Masa - HIIIII-YAAAAAAAA! (put her sword in front of the attack)

(Smoke covered the area, Yuusuke stares straight ahead waiting to see what happened to Masa)

Masa - (staring at her melted sword) (disappointed) Ya know,... I really did thought that would work.

Yuusuke - (sweatdrops)

Candice - (blocked a punch from Kuwabara with one arm)

Kuwabara - (smirk) You left yourself open! (about to punch her in the stomach with his other fist)

Candice -GAHHHH! DON'T HURT ME! I'M PREGNANT!

Kuwabara - Huh?(holds back his punch just as it was an inch away from her stomach)

Candice -(smirk) Haha, sucker! (punched him in the face)

Gus - That lying skank. (tears in eyes) She makes me so proud.

Candice - (jump kicked Kuwabara in the face) (about to punch him again when he said...)

Kuwabara - NO! DON'T! I'M PREGNANT!

Syber - (spit out his tea from his mouth, accidently on Kurama who still remains still and unpleased)

Mune -(immediately runs over to Kurama and grabs his shirt) Need help...(grins seductively) ...taking that off? (Kurama just sweatdrops)

Candice -(hesitates due to Kuwabara's comment) Huh? (then gets punched in the stomach by Kuwabara)

Gus - (livid) IDIOT! He used the same freakin' line you used on him 3 seconds ago! How could you fall for that!? (took off his belt) Just you wait till you are done with the match, cause *beep* you're mine!!

Kurama - (sitting down elegantly) (sharing tea and crumpets with Syber) They are so immature.

Syber - (took a gentle sip of his tea) I agree.

Mune - (launches herself at Hiei) HIEI!!!!!

Hiei - (leaps away at blur speed) (shudders) Ugh. At least she can't keep up with my superior speed. What the...!? (Mune has somehow latched onto his legs)

Mune - (wide grin) YOU CAN'T ESCAPE OUR LOVE!!

Hiei - (releases out the most blood curdling scream ever heard) AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Kurama - (mildly surprised) I have never heard Hiei scream like that before.

Syber - (unamused) Mune has that affect on people.

Nisi - HERE, MASA! CATCH! GUS SAYS IT'LL MAKE YOU TEN TIMES STRONGER!(chucks it)

Masa - I got it!

Yuusuke - (snatches it out of the air) Don't think so! (the canister begins hissing) Huh? (the canister explodes in a pink cloud) GAHHHHHH!

Nisi - (innocently) Whoops! Did I say it would increase your strength? I meant, "Here's some tear gas!" (evil cackle)

Kurama - They're a tad unorthodox, aren't they? I was under the impression that the sparring would be one-on-one, but they keep interfering in each other's matches!

Syber - Well, we watch each other's backs, but, yeah, I'm starting to feel a little guilty.

Genkai - Hmmm... I'm going to allow this. (smirk)

Kuwabara - (panting) Man, you hit pretty hard for a girl!

Candice - (gasping for air) And you hit pretty hard for comic relief!

Masa - (having put on a gas mask, she joins the equally masked Nisi in kicking Yuusuke while he gags for fresh air and his eyes swell) I had him, you know. Before you butted in!

Nisi - Yeah, letting him smear you so he'd throw the fight out of pity was a brillant strategy.

Masa - Oh, shut up, I hate you sometimes! (kicks some sand into Yuusuke's gaping mouth) Thanks for making my brother bail me out, you insensitive jerk! Now my ego gone done and been screwed with! (throws a kick to his 'nads while he chokes on the sand)

Keiko - (tears rolling down her cheek) YUUSUKE!!

Lauren - (from in front of her) Shut the *bleep* up, *bleep*! I'm trying to watch your boyfriend get his *ss kicked in peace!

Kuwabara - (drives Candice down to one knee with a thumb to the eye) You were pretty tough, but this fight's over!

Gus - (appearing out of nowhere from behind Kuwabara) I agree. She's humoured you enough for tonight!

Kuwabara - Huh!? What the- (Gus jams a cattleprod where the sun don't shine) GYEEEEEEKKKK!!

Yukina - (blushing furiously) Ohmigoodness! Poor Kazuma-san!

Botan - (sweat droplit) They fight dirtier than Yuusuke!

Shizuru - (face palms) That idiot, dropping his guard like that.

Keiko - (speechless) Gah!

George - Ahhh, my freakin' eyes! (faints)

Koenma - I did not forsee this.

Genkai - I might have to step in and say something about that!

Kurama - (eyes widen in shock) Ummm...

Syber - (equally horrified) I'll say! Now you know why I don't mess with that one!

Hiei - (having failed to break Mune's grip with sheer strength) WHAT IS THIS THING!? (prepares to use his sword to pry her off)

Gus - Catch, three eyes. (throws a small sphere at Hiei)

Hiei - (instinctively swings his sword at it, cutting in in half in a spray of clear liquid) That won't work on me. (notices his sword is frozen solid) Huh?

Gus - (smirk) Wasn't a bomb. Container of liquid nitrogen.

Hiei - (his sword shatters) No. (Mune sees this as her golden oppertunity and wraps her arms around his torso, pinning his arms against his sides)

Mune - (hearts fluttering around her) YOU COULDN'T BEAR TO BREAK FREE FROM OUR LOVE!

Hiei - GAHHHHHHHHH! (notices Gus walking away) WAIT! COME BACK! (Mune is trying to 'French' him) FINISH ME OFF, D*** YOU! (notices he's still walking away) I'M BEGGING HERE!

Kurama - My, isn't he out of character.

Syber - Like I said, Mune has that affect on people.

Gus - (walking up to them) I prefer to call it 'The Power Comedic.' (turns to Genkai) Ain't too upset about our rule-bending, are you?

Genkai - No. After defeating the Saint Beasts, they were getting cocky and needed to be humbled. Besides, the bad guys aren't going to fight fair, so why should you?

Gus - Glad to be of service. Humbling big, powerful, stupid people is what I do best. Ask my sister, (sarcastically) the 'Demon Bunny Slayer.'

(An hour after the battle royale. Everyone is messing around in Koenma's office, read. trashing the place.)

Nisi - (shuffling around files into different cabinets) Look, I'm helping! Oooh, what's this? Ack! This is the real day I am supposed to die!

George - (quickly snatches it away) Give me that!

Candice - (perky) You are just the cutest! (pinches Koenma's cheeks)

Koenma - (nervous twitch developing) Maybe you guys should leave now... before Yuusuke and the others recover.

Gus - (sitting in Koenma's chair with his feet propped up on the desk) I dunno, I'm kinda enjoying the perks. (notices a pile of forms) Stupid paper, blocking my view! You go tipsy now! (kicks the pile off the desk)

Koenma and George - (eyes bugging out) Gahhh!

(Later on as they are leaving Reikai.)

Gus - (notices Masa has the three artifacts of darkness stuffed down the front of her shirt, including the Shadow Sword) (casually) Isn't that stealing?

Masa - (offended) Hey, it's my severance package!

Syber - What does a Vampire Slayer need with a sword that turns people into demons, and a crystal ball that steals little kids' souls?

Nisi - (notice Mune dressed in Hiei's outfit and carrying two gigantic suitcases and one heavily loaded backpack) Uhhh.... want some help with that?

Mune - No! My souveneirs!

(Quick view to Hiei's dorm)

Hiei - (moving around in his bed) No. No. Get away from me. I don't want to play house! No! NO! (wakes up in a cold sweat) Huh? (notices he's in his boxers) What the Hell!? (notices his room has been stripped bear, even the wallpaper has been stolen) (eyes bugged out)

(Back)

Nisi - You even stole his wallpaper!?

Mune - I wanted to take his boxers, but I lost my nerve at the last second. So I helped myself to some of his hair gel! (runs a comb with some gunk on it through her hair till it's shaped like Hiei's) Weeeeeeee!!

Gus - Whatever, just don't ever pull anything like this again or I'll make sure we drop your *ss off in the stinkiest corner of Hell.

(So our young heroes (sorta) step off into the portal leading to the land of the living. What other journies are in store for them and what further embarassments will the future hold?)

Masa - Isn't that Hiei's dossier?

Mune - (cackling wildly) Hahahahahahaha! I'll read it to myself EVERY NIGHT like a bedtime story!

The End?