Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction ❯ 50 Things To Do Before We Perish ❯ 1. Robbing An Armed Hair Salon ( Chapter 1 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

50 Things toDo Before We Perish

Chapter one: Robbing an Armed Hair Salon

((Summary: InuYashaxYuYuHakushoxOC crossover. What happens when a crazed hobo comes up to you and screams that you're going to perish and ironically you find a list of 50 things to do before it happens? A LOT of humor and a tiny bit of romance. Chapters are LONG.))

AUTHOR'S NOTE

Sapphire: I am back (echoes). Back again (echoes). Sapph is back (echoes). Warn your friends (echoes). God damnit! Where the hell is that echo coming from!? (echoes) *glares*

Inuyasha: I have no idea but it's really damn annoying.

Hiei: It's coming from the record player Ruby bought on purpose to annoy the living hell out of you.

Sapphire: *glares at small person*: And you are letting her wHY!?

Hiei: *shrugs* Why help you, baka kurohyou?

Inuyasha: My girlfriend is NOT stupid.

Sapphire: *blushes slightly* Yeah! You…midget!!!!!!!!!!!

Hiei: *started to walk away but freezes as Sapphire calls him a midget* W-what did you c-call me you mesuinu!?

Sapphire: Teme! How dare you say that to me! I am your superior!!!!!!!

Hiei: *eye twitches* Says who!?

Sapphire: Says the doctor that says I'm 10 inches taller than you!!!!!!!

Inuyasha: As much as I like fighting, this will NOT turn out good. The disclaimer is that Yu Yu Hakusho belongs to Yoshihiro Togashi; InuYasha belongs to Rumiko Takahashi; finally, Ruby belongs to Ruby (one owner of griffen-gal) and Sapphire belongs to Sapphire (sapphire-glass). On with this pointless fanfiction; enjoy the humor.

CHAPTER ONE: ROBBING AN ARMED HAIR SALON

The entire group was over Ruby's house; oh joy. Yusuke was leaning against a wall, standing on his over-sized head; Kuwabara was fighting with the dog over a piece of bacon because, well, he's a dipshit.

Kurama was reading a dictionary to find new ways to lecture his friends; they all need to rot in hell for being so inconsiderate and……calling him a girl; yeah, that's it! Ruby was banging her head on the computer desk.

Inuyasha was sprawled out on the floor on his back, counting the numerous things wrong with Ruby's house. Finally, Sapphire was on the floor with Inuyasha; poking his head out of boredom.

((Aren't THESE a lively bunch.))

“What dashy is it?” Yusuke asked with a slur; the blood must have been going to his head….either that or he's a drunk little monkey.

“I have absolutely NO idea what a `dashy' is.” Sapphire said sarcastically, not looking up from poking Inu.

“In moron talk, that means what DAY is it, and its Saturday.” Kurama informed, placing the book back down on the almost empty book shelf. Poor little bookshelf; all alone in that corner, with a dictionary of all things. Psh, burn the damn thing.

“Shtank shoe.” Yusuke said, his eyes started to twirl.

Everybody sweatdropped and stared at the idiot; everybody except Kuwabara, who had yet to achieve the goal of winning the bacon.

IN YUSUKE'S MIND:

::chirp, chirp::

DEEPER INTO YUSUKE'S MIND:

:chirp, chirp, chirp::

EVEN FARTHER INTO YUSUKE'S MIND:

::crickets die and a chibi Yusuke is chased by the giant tuna::

IN REALITY

Yusuke continued to be in his dazed little world of idiocity as the others continued to either be bored shitless, or continue to try and take slobbery bacon from a poor dog. ((Oh, THAT sounds appetizing *gags*))

Ruby stopped banging her head, which had a large bruise on it mind you, on the desk and took a sniff. Her eyes bugged out and she covered her nose and mouth.

“EW!!!! HOLY KUSO! DO YOU SMELL THAT!?” she screamed from behind her hands.

Everybody sat or stood up and sniffed; except the two commonly known idiots. They all went bug-eyed as well and start coughing insanely.

“WHO FARTED!?” Inuyasha blurted out, choking on the lack of clean air.

“Wasn't us.” Sapphire, Kurama, and Ruby responded disgustedly.

“Sure the hell wasn't ME.” Inuyasha said, sticking his head out a conveniently located window in Ruby's room.

“It was one of THOSE creatures!” Sapphire choked out, joining Inuyasha at the window; Kurama following suit.

“My dog did not rip one.” Ruby said, picking up the dog who had indeed won the bacon and sticking its and her own head out the window for air.

“Uhhhh…………” Kuwabara said slowly, rubbing the back of his head. “Scuse me a minute.” he said quickly and ran out of the house, the stench subsiding.

“I sharted god flabbit!” Kuwabara grumbled and ran awkwardly home.

“Uh, did Urameshi die?” Sapphire asked, hope in her eyes staring at the now collapsed Yusuke.

Kurama felt his pulse and said “No, sorry Sapph, not today.”

“Shimatta!” she hissed and searched through Ruby's closet; pulling a huge set of drumsticks.

“Die teme!” Sapphire screamed and started beating Yusuke into further unconsciousness.

“Uh….where'd that come from?” Inuyasha asked, all three taking a step away from the deranged panther demon.

After observing her work, Sapphire threw the bloody drumsticks outside the window; which hit a old man's car who at that precise moment happen to have a heart attack thinking his medication pills were alive and out to attack him, causing his old frigged up car to smash into 6 other frigged up cars, causing an entire frigged up car accident.

Screeches, horns, screams, pains of anguish, and etc were heard from outside. Everybody stared out the window, then the three stared at Sapphire, and that cycle continued for approximately 2.14 minutes.

“OKKKKKKKKKK then.” Ruby said slowly and leaned against Kurama.

“What now?” Kurama asked, putting an arm around Ruby.

“Now we act like nobody from the outside is staring up here wondering where the drumsticks CAME from.” Sapphire said slowly and begins to laugh maniacally.

MEANWHILE OUTSIDE, PASSERBYS LOOKING AT THE FRIGGED UP CAR ACCIDENT STARE UP AT THE WINDOW, AND START SLOWLY MOVING AWAY.

There was a knock on Ruby's front door. “Police!” A voice came from outside the door.

“AND NOW WE RUN FOR OUR FRICKIN' LIVES!!!!!!!” Sapphire screamed and jumped out the OTHER window. Everybody stared at the window, snapped back to reality, and followed Sapphire out the window.

Yusuke, by my authoressly powers, reawakes and stumbled down the flight of stairs to answer the door. ((Take note, he is a bloody pulp))

“Heshlo?” he asked; his left eye all pussy and blue. He reached out to the police officer.

“IT'S A MANIAC! BRING HIM DOWN!” the police officer yelled, and 3 police officers started beating Yusuke with their night sticks.

MEANWHILE WITH THE OTHER PEOPLE

Sapphire, Ruby, Inuyasha, and Kurama were walking down the street; the boys with their hands in their pockets and the girls were trying to shoot a butterfly with a slingshot.

“Shimatta! Missed again!” Ruby screamed.

“Stay still ya little bastard!” Sapphire growled and took another shot.

“OW MY EYE!” some person yelled and the four ran ahead quickly.

“You're annoying, ya know that?” Inuyasha grumbled, referring to both girls.

“Yes, but you know ya love us.” Sapphire said in a childishly voice and hugged Inuyasha around the waist. He blushed and held her as well.

((See? Humor and fluff are the best diet!!!!))

Kurama nodded and walked in the same way with Ruby(much to her delight).

They continued walking until Ruby decided she was hungry. “I'm HUNNNNNNGRRRRRRRRYYYYYY!” she whined and pointed to her rumbling stomach.

“Would you like a cookie?” Sapphire said rolling her eyes.

“What kind?” Ruby asked. Sapphire's eye began to twitch rapidly.

“I'm hungry, too.” Inuyasha complained and start doing his `puppy-dog-look-with-the-added-whimpering-effects' look.

Sapphire looked up as if deciding, smiled, then scratched Inu's ears and walked into a random food place.

“SUSHI!” Ruby squealed and started dancing. Ever since her encounter with a magician, she oddly had the always urge to eat slimy things…..eww…..DON'T WORRY! MOSTLY SUSHI! ((DEF. not the shit Kuwabara's toes produce *gags and falls over dead*))

They ordered their sushi without paying and walked over to eat at a table in the far corner.

“HEY! You didn't pay!” the Chinese sushi dude screamed.

“HEY! We don't plan to!” Sapphire screamed.

“GET YOUR OWN GOD DAMN SUSHI DAMNIT! IT'S MINE!” Ruby screamed as well and started hissing insanely.

Inuyasha and Kurama started cracking up hysterically. Kurama walked over to where Ruby sat in the corner hissing and gripping her sushi for dear life to assure her. Inuyasha walked over, picked Sapphire up, and flung her over his shoulders.

“I won't pay! You can't make me you shit-for-brains!!!!!!!” Sapphire growled, kicking and shaking her fists wildly.

Now that everybody was seated, finished eating, and had NOT paid, they decided to leave and go to the park a few blocks down.

IN JAIL

Yusuke lay in a dark corner, twitching and bleeding horribly. His cellmate was a gay cross dresser (literally, a homosexual; no disrespect to those people, though) who kept winking at him.

Yusuke inched further against the wall and his cellmate started making kissy faces at him.

AT THE PARK

Sapphire presently didn't feel like doing any obstacles, so she jumped ontop of the monkey bars and laid there.

Inuyasha and Kurama sat in a nearby bench, and Ruby sat cross-legged on the ground drawing a dancing hamster in the dirt with a stick.

Out of nowhere, a crazed Hobo came running at the four.

“THE WORLD IS ENDING! THE WORLD IS ENDING! YOU WILL ALL PERISH SOON!” he screamed and ran around the group in circles.

“Are you related to the rubber ducky man?” Sapphire and Ruby asked; quirking eyebrows.

“Possibly.” the hobo said with shifty eyes.

“Why should we believe YOU?” Inuyasha asked crossing his arms.

“I asked the all-knowing Coy fish.” he said proudly and ran off, yelling “ HEED MY WARNING, YOU ARE DOOMED!”

“I'm bored. Think he's right?” Sapphire asked.

“You can't be SERIOUS.” Kurama said bluntly.

“He asked the all-knowing Coy fish damnit; it may be just more sushi but its wise and noble and…….uh………not really, but……..yeah.” Ruby started out wisely then finished off unknowingly.

A piece of paper fluttered from the sky as if from the heavens ((That bastard up there needs to rot in an eternal abyss! Die you bastard! Pansy-assed ass-wipe! *shoots gun at the `supposed' god*))

Sapphire picked it up and started reading it. Ruby and the others started reading over her shoulder.

“How oddly placed is THIS shit.” Inuyasha said, sitting back in the bench with Kurama.

Ruby and Sapphire read on to number 9. Sapphire blushed madly and looked at Inuyasha. Ruby blushed madly and looked at Kurama. `I think I'll keep THAT; regardless how damn cute he is.' Sapphire thought, and presently, the same thought went through Ruby's mind.

The girls handed the paper to the boys and pointed to number nine. They blushed and put the paper face down.

What was on the paper you lifeless nuisances ask ((Just kidding just kidding!!!! Or am I? *shifty eyes*))

52 THINGS TO DO BEFORE YOU PERISH. Irony, yes? Yet two of those will NOT be done, therefore it is only 50 Things To Do Before You Perish. What was #9?? None of your damn business!!!! But if you MUST know ((pestering morons)), It read:

`9) LOOSE VIRGINITY'

((I WILL NOT POST THE ENTIRE LIST. THE CHAPTERS WILL BE ENTITLE 1)-50) SHOWING WHAT IS ON THE LIST, OK? OK!))

“Alrighty then, let's look at Number ONE.” Sapphire suggested and sat on Inuyasha's lap without protest or any time to and began reading.

“1) Rob an Armed Hair Salon”

“Sounds spiffy!” Ruby said and stood next to Kurama with begging eyes.

“I'll do it.” Sapphire said.

“Me too!!!!!” Ruby shouted victoriously.

“I guess so.” Inuyasha said.

Kurama was silent.

Everybody looked at him.

“Can I help you?” he asked impatiently.

“Yes. Are you coming or what?” Ruby asked.

“What if I said no?” he asked.

“Would you like to spend the rest of your life with Yusuke and his gay cross dressing cellmate?!” Sapphire asked with a smirk; scaring the hell out of the male fox demon.

“Ok, ok! Gees! Hey what a moment: where did YOU find that out?” Kurama asked, all three of them quirking an eyebrow at Sapphire. “Uhh…..nowhere.” she mumbled smiling innocently.

“Riiiiight.” they all said and shook their heads.

“Alright, well, let's do number one.” Ruby said happily, stuffed the list into her pocket with a pen, and stood waiting.

“How will we rob an armed hair salon!? Besides, their armed.” Kurama said obviously not wanting to do it.

“EASY! I can turn invisible, we're ALL super fast, and only pansy-assed preppies ((if you are a prep, don't take it offensively)) go there, so regardless if they're armed or not they can't fight worth shit.” Sapphire declared and crossed her arms nodding.

“True.” Inuyasha stated.

They all agreed (Kurama somewhat reluctantly) and headed off to `Hair Salon Ah La Prep'.

IN JAIL

Yusuke was rolling around his jail cell. He was feeling slightly better but not much. Why was he rolling? He's a friggin' moron. Why was he really rolling? His gay, cross dressing cellmate was swaying toward him and reaching his hands out in the `gimme, gimme!' state and making kissy lips.

OUTSIDE HAIR SALON AH LA PREP

The group of four had just gotten back from `Masks We Wear', buying four black ski masks. They already HAD powers on their own, so needn't buy any weapons.

“Ready?” Sapphire asked; her, Kurama, and Inuyasha already having their masks on. See, Sapphire didn't see why it was so important to wear a mask if she could turn herself and/or others invisible. Kurama insisted, though.

“Let's do it!” Ruby said excitedly and slipped on her mask. They all huddled around Sapphire and she touched her Spirit Gem; becoming invisible. They walked inside and towards the front counter.

“This is a robbery damnit!” Ruby screamed as the group became re-visible. Everybody in the store looked at the girls, then at each other.

“Eiyiyiyiyiyiyai!!!!!!!!” they cried (their battle cry of course) and took out guns, lipstick, and curling irons.

“Buwahahahahaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Inuyasha screamed and Kurama followed suit. Ruby and Sapphire were rolling on the door cracking up hysterically.

“WHAT!?” Said a really fat woman who held an over-sized donut as her weapon.

“Oh yeah, a donut and lipstick is REALLY going to hurt us.” Inuyasha said sarcastically, the others still laughing.

“Yep.” A skinny little girl shouted and her lipstick transformed so that it as a poison dart. The rest of the lipstick holders did the same; the donut lady made her donut turn into cement and the curling irons went on full blast. They reloaded their guns and pointed.

The entire store turned upside down, and it was no longer a salon. The front desk was a base, the bathrooms held ammo, the hair dryers turned into moving robots, and everything else changed with that.

“Might have made a slight understatement, eh?” Kurama said, a little bit glaring at Sapphire and taking out the rose whip.

Inuyasha took out and transformed Tetsusaiga; Ruby had a short sword and Sapphire had dagger edged tonfas.

“We'll still kick their asses.” Sapphire muttered and they went into battle position.

ON THE STREET SOMEWHERE

“Come back here you smelly pukester!” the police officer who had bagged Yusuke screamed.

Kuwabara was running away from him and a lady screaming.

“HIS SMELL KILLED MY CAT! GET HIM! GET HIM!” she shouted from her backyard where a burial for the cat was taking place.

“No I didn't! I swear! I like cats!” Kuwabara shouted running awkwardly and screaming.

“YES YOU DID, YOU LIEING SACK OF SHART! YOU HATED MY CAT! YOU DID IT ON PURPOSE!” she shouted running after the police officer and him with a rolled up newspaper.

The woman and the police officer put noseplugs and rubber suits on and then pounced on the moron.

“NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” he screamed and was dragged off into the `police car of hell', all the time being whacked with the rolled-up newspaper by the angry woman.

MINUTES LATER

Kuwabara was being dragged inside the jail, and to the cells. “Hey, it's Yusuke!” Kuwabara shouted idiotically and pointed to where Yusuke was now crawling away from his Yusuke-hungry cellmate.

“Fine, go with your deranged friend.” the police officer grunted and threw him into the cell ontop of Yusuke.

“Get off of me you fat lard!!!!!!” he screamed and kicked Kuwabara off. He landed into the arms of his and Yusuke's gay cross dressing cellmate.

“Hey sweetheart.” the man said and kissed Kuwabara. Right there Yusuke barfed and Kuwabara fainted. Hahahahahahahaa!

IN THE FRIGGED UP `HAIR SALON AH LA PREP'

Everybody was panting and sweating horribly. The donut lady was so panicked so she ate her donut and was poisoned and rushed to a hospital. The little girl got one scrape and starting bawling so her mom came and got her. ((And nobody noticed blood and destruction everywhere in the damn salon!????))

The other salon people were cowering behind their base. Inuyasha wiped his forehead with the back of his hand. “Damn preppies.” he muttered through gritted teeth.

“Ruby, I just thought of something.” Sapphire said re-preparing her tonfas.

“Hm?” Ruby asked and did some twirly thingy ma jiggies with the short sword.

“We STILL haven't robbed the friggin' hair salon.” she said frankly.

“Oh…….but the cash register is near their base.” Ruby said; all eyes went on the prepified base.

“H-here!!!!!!” they shouted with tears in their eyes and threw all the money at the demons.

“Dono arigato.” Ruby said and they walked out of the store with Kurama flinging 5 of the sacks over his shoulder and Inuyasha flinging the other 6.

This time they went to Sapphire's house and counted up the money.

“$120,000,145.09!!!!!!!! Holy shit! How many preps GO there!?” Sapphire screamed happily and threw some money in the air.

“A lot.” Kurama said simply and smiled as Ruby pretended to swim.

“Hey! Let's fill Sapphire's pool!” Ruby declared, shooting a fist in the air.

“Yeah……there isn't even enough WATER to fill it.” Inuyasha said blankly.

“Oh well!!!!!!!” Sapphire and Ruby shouted together and they all ran outside to fill it.

“Think they would have used BIG bills, not just $1's.” Inuyasha grumbled and flung the bills into the pool.

“Hey, what about Yusuke and Kuwabara?” Kurama asked suddenly, wondering what the hell happened.

“I am not bailing them out. Leave them to be raped.” Sapphire said cheerfully as she and Ruby ran inside to change into bathing suits.

Inuyasha and Kurama took off their shirts and cannonballed into the money-filled pool.

“SHIRTLESS!!!!!!!” Ruby squealed to Sapphire under her breath. They high-fived each other and waked outside.

The boys looked at them. “You pervs!” they screamed and jumped ontop of them, feet first, spreading the money EVERYWHERE.

IN THE JAIL CELL

Kuwabara and Yusuke had regained food in their stomachs and consciousness ((sadly)) and were huddled together cowering in fear. “We're going to have fun, duckies.” the man said and took off his shirt.

“NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” they screamed, their eyes burning.

END OF CHAPTER ONE

Sapphire: Damn, that was long.

Hiei: When the hell am I coming into the picture!?

Sapphire: *whistles innocently* You'll see……maybe.

Inuyasha: Oh! Another disclaimer, we DO own `Hair Salon Ah La Prep' and `Masks We Wear'. Heh.

Sapphire: *runs away from angry midget*

Hiei: *chasing Sapphire* I am NOT GOING TO BE THE FRIGGIN' GAY CROSS DRESSER IN DISGUISE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sapphire: Run! He's going to rape you!

Hiei: NO I'm NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Inuyasha: Oh boy, ere we go again. Now I'm the wise one; this is bullshit. Review damnit; and don't expect EVERY chapter this long. Sapphire has writer's block easily and big mental issues. But if she DOES, then it'll be a while before she updates.

Sapphire: SOME BOYFRIEND YOU ARE YOU JERK!