Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction ❯ A Demon�s Guide To Surviving The Human World ❯ Chapter 1~ Moving metal deathtraps ( Chapter 2 )

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Lesson 1~ Moving metal deathtraps

::cue scary music and cheezy lightning::

Hello and welcome to your first lesson. This lesson will help teach you how to avoid dying on the very first day.

First we need our average demon, Hiei!

With a puff of smoke a peed-off coughing black clad demon appears.

“I am being paid extra for this right!” He shouts while grabbing for his katana.

Shut up and stand still will ya or else I'll sic fluffy pink kittens on you.

Meeping Hiei holds still.

Ahem, Ok today's lesson will help you to not die one the very first day. We shall learn all about moving metal deathtraps, commonly known as vehicles. These can include anything from tiny cars to huge semis.

Hiei sighs as he stares ahead bored.

These vehicles are known for driving on the road, though every now and then you'll be lucky enough to see one drive on the sidewalk.

But we will worry about the road driving ones. First we need our average demon to stand in the street.

Hiei stares at the authoress as though her hair was on fire. “Your (censor) kidding right?” Glancing back he growls at the censoring (Hey gotta keep this a `g' fic right).

As I was saying, first we need our average demon to stand in the street, the authoress proceeds to kick the poor demon out into the road.

Landing on his head Hiei moans, noticing the tiny stars that spin around his head. “Hey lookie stars...I'm famous.”

Now this is a street, and this is where all of the ve-hi-cl-es go and once you make that all too important jump into the human world this is the one place you want to make sure your not at.

A dazed Hiei stares at the stars, smiling slightly.

Honk!

Hooonk!

Aww the mating call of these vehicles, now if you happen to hear this sound- you should be careful, the females are aggressive when they are looking for their female mates.

Hoooooooonk!

Hiei shakes his head and turns towards the sound, just in time to see the eighteen wheeler semi barrel down the road.

“Aww, (censor)!” Clenching his eyes, Hiei waits for the smack.

Smack! (hey we don't wanna disappoint our demon...)

An extremely furious transparent demon stares at his squished body, “Of all of the (censor) things that you hit me with, a (censor)ing (censor) semi!!!” Crossing his arms the demon stares, “You had better fix this or else I'll rip out your....”

A large stamp comes out of no where, stamping Hiei's mouth shut leaving the rest of his complaints hidden.

Hehe, right. Anyways here is the end result. You will have died. Be careful when you come to streets, for they are very dangerous.

However these are not the only places you will see such death traps. Hiei's ghost is pulled back into his body. Magically the tiny body becomes unsquished, returning to normal.

Shaking his head Hiei looks around, bending every joint and counting every finger, toe, and eye. Seeming pleased Hiei nodded lightly at the authoress.

Hoooonk!

Turning Hiei realizes that he is still sitting in the middle of the street.

“Aw, (censor)!!”

Smack!

Hiei's poor body is hit once again, this time by a city bus. Sighing the authoress smacks her head, her point being proved once again. Once again she revives the poor demon, being sure to pull him from the road.

As I was saying before, the road is not always where these things drive. Some may reside below the ground. Grabbing Hiei's hand, she flies below the ground.

After asking for directions five times Hiei falls to tracks that are under the ground.

Moaning again with the rough landing Hiei shakily stands.

Depending where you land there may be track underground- called subways. These things are deathtraps in many ways. Supposedly they carry people from one place to another, but they are all too often used for people to sleep in.

Just remember- stay away from lights in tunnels, they never lead to anything good.

As if on cue Hiei turns- just in time to see a light at the end of the tunnel. He stands frozen in the spot, a deer-in-the-headlights-look plastered to his face. “(Censor)!!!”

Smack!

A swirly eyed Hiei wobbly floats in the air, “Did anyone get the number of that light.” Awakening from his daze the poor demon glances at his body. No longer is it 3-d, the tiny- yet still hot- body of Hiei is now smashed thinner then paper.

Taking a big gasp of air, his face flustered, Hiei proceeds to test out the censoring...

Fifteen minutes later...“(censor)...(censor)...(censor)...(censor)”

Holding a thick notebook the authoress smiles now having a new list of words to use to the drivers of metal deathtraps that happen to cut her off...

Ok once again we will revive the demon...

A glow appears in the distance as the other subway barrels down the tracks. Both the authoress and Hiei notice far too late to do anything about it. All Hiei can do is close his eyes...

“(Censooooooooooooooooooooooooooor)” He yells as the subway proceeds to smack into his body...

Fed up with constantly reviving the demon the authoress screams her feelings to the retreating subway... “Ya had better run ya vile (censor) (censor) (censor) (censor)”

Realizing that she has broken the first rule she clamps her mouth shut and once again revives the smashed demon, and once again pulls him from the tracks before and early subs decide to come.

So what did we learn today...

“That getting hit hurts like a son of a (censor).”

Yes, that too. But we also learned to stay off of roads, and tracks, and that our demon friend here has a dirty mouth...

“So does the authoress...”

AND so as always please feel free to let us know how we are doing on our job, for we want to be sure that we save as many demonic lives as possible...

Hiei glares before cracking up (especially after 'dying' 4 times so far)...

Please be sure to continue onto chapter 2.

And a once in a lifetime offer- You can own the un-censored version for 30 easy payments of 29.99... just send your check, credit card or cash to 666 OMGIMRICH.