Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction ❯ A Demon’s Guide To Surviving The Human World ❯ Lesson 2~ Taking A Human Form ( Chapter 3 )

First of all thank you all of you demons and human alike (sweat drops at the humans that need this book to help them) for filling out the response cards.
So thank you (pulls out glasses...uh...) Kitsuneluvah (Demon Guide Inc. would like to thank you for reading); Evil Person #1 (Demon Guide Inc. would like to thank you as well for buying this copy and reading)
Lesson 2~ Taking A Human Form
::cues cheesy lightning effects, a sword flies out of nowhere breaking the lights::
Uh...Hiei you have to pay for that.
"(Censor)"
Today's lesson will be helpful considering that you have survived the first few minutes of streets. Unlike our little demon friend here.
Hiei refuses to speak, but instead stands his hands clenched ready to kill the next person to mention the number of 'deaths' he's faced so far.
OK today we need the help of our demon, Hiei starts to cry as he envisions the tortures this lesson calls for. The authoress slowly scoots away from the crying demon unsure of how she should act. Uh, we also need our demon in disguise and a normal human.
Two puffs of smoke and a lean red head appears along with a confused copper headed youth. Kuwabara looks around lost, "What's going on? I was feeding Ekichi when poof I'm here."
Sighing the author tosses the book over too the youth informing him to check out chapter two. Kuwabara does so, his eyes slowly widening. Slamming the book he slowly steps away from the authoress his hands raised in defense.
The authoress decides to ignore the youth, a grin slowly forming on her face.
OK first we need our two demons to change as discussed. Kurama readily agrees and transforms to his demonic nature, making sure to toss his hair a few times. Hiei on the other hand shakes his head and crosses his arms. "No (censor) way."
Sighing the authoress pulls out a thousand watt cattle prod. Holding up the prod the authoress smiles, "Cattle Prods, better then mace. Defend yourself today."
Now Hiei change or suffer my wrath. Hiei shakes his head and sticks out his tongue at the authoress.
Shrugging the authoress zaps Hiei with a thousand watts. Teeth clattering, electricity flowing through the spiked hair, Hiei's skin slowly turns green as thousands of eyes appear. Thank you Hiei.
The smoldering demon slowly growls as he holds out his hands, as though to try to strangle the authoress.
"CAR!!" The authoress screams smiling contently as she watches Hiei dive behind Kurama a deer-in-the-headlight look plastered on his face.
Anyways such forms as these two- the authoress proceeds to point to the two demons, whether you have fox ears sticking out of your head or a billion eyes all over...
...uh excuse me a second...the authoress walks behind Hiei and pulls back his waistband. Nope, Kimi was wrong, no eyes down there...
Hiei stands wide eyed, "I've been violated." Blinking he shudders at the thoughts that appear.
...ahem...the authoress walks back to her normal place...
Whether you have fox ears sticking out of your head or a billion eyes all over you will attract attention, which usually is ok, unless if your being haunted by the police.
As if on cue Kuwabara walks by, calling out for his cat. Seeing Kurama then Hiei, Kuwabara screams diving head first for a rock knocking himself out cold. Raising an eye the authoress decides it's best to ignore the antics.
See this is what you'll get and the cops will come and arrest you. And then after about a billion flashes of the mind eraser that the Men In Black have you will get to see a toddler ruler...and let's just say it gets worse after that.
So you will have to try to find a human disguise.
But this can go wrong too. If you try too hard, you may become the object of everyone's obsession.
The authoress turns to Kurama her cattle prod pointing at the tall Yoko. Change back, she demands shaking the prod menacingly. Gulping Kurama side glances at the still smoldering Hiei, nodding he quickly changes back to his human self.
Smiling contently the authoress slowly walks over to a giant crate labeled, Fan Girls/Boys. Now hidden deep within this box is the reason that you do not want to be too handsome. A loud squeak fills the air as the side to the crate is opened.
Thousands upon thousands of girls and boys- young and old come running out of the crate, Their arms outstretched, squeals of e-bay coming loud and clear.
"Ahh, This is wrong in so many ways! It's like my grandfather is groping me." Kurama tries to shoo away an elderly man that's hanging around too close to his rear end.
Clearing her throat the authoress points to the crowd. Here is the end result. You will have been groped and...the authoress proceeds to raise her voice... your clothes will have been ripped off!!!!!
Kurama's eyes widen to the sizes of saucers. "Hey!! Don't touch me there! Stop it!!"
In a matter of seconds Kurama is standing shaken, his hair disheveled, a major blush on his face as he tries to cover the lack of clothes on his body.
Sighing the authoress hands over a few leaves which Kurama takes willingly.
"Oh (censor)!!" Kurama yelps as he looks off to the side.
The authoress- having her curiosity peaking- glances over. Slowly stalking up is a black clad demon, with a silver mask on his face.
Smirking the authoress dons her demon exterminator outfit. What are you doing out of the closet! Get back in there with Jin now!! Snatching a whip, she proceeds to chase the demon back to the tiny closet. Locking the door she walks back.
Now where was I...she looks at the blushing fox and fully clothed green skinned Hiei.
Snaps her fingers, of course...
Ahem...Now this is the end result. However, not everyone falls for the tall, thin, elegant looking demons. Some fall for the short, dark haired, mysterious, strong silent types. Pointing the cattle prod at Hiei she urges him to change back.
Still smoldering the defiant demon shakes his head, plumes of smoke escaping his hair. The authoress' eyes widen as she stares at the tiny flame that has started.
Fire!! She screams as she grabs her diet Pepsi, proceeding to douse the flame.
Kurama, who is still trying to figure out how to get the handful of Mesquite leaves to work, glances at the soda soaked demon. "I think Kuwabara chose the better way. I defiantly would love to have knocked my self out on that rock." Silently Hiei nods, dark liquid flying every which way.
Sighing Hiei looks at the approaching cattle prod. Deciding that changing back would be less painful, Hiei slowly changes back.
Nodding the authoress puts away her prod, and snatches the katana. We don't need dead bodies for this demonstration.
Walking over to another crate she opens it and watches as the same amount of people run out. A large sweat drop runs down her face as she thousands of mini Kurama's run from the box, followed by thousands of mini Yusuke's.
Uh...Hiei I think fanfic writers have been at work.
Her eyes widen ten-fold as thousands of mini Hiei's run out. Hey isn't that considered doi... Sighing the authoress shakes her head, I feel sorry for you Hiei!
Sympathy for the tiny fire demon raises within as the authoress grabs a shotgun. OK now you supposedly pull this trigger thing here for the bullets to fly out. Raising the gun up high she fires a warning shot. Joyfully she watches the fan girls, fan boys, and mini Kurama Yusuke and Hiei's scatter.
Plop!
Glancing behind her the authoress mutters a curse. Well there's another letter from PETA! Sighing she pushes the bird under a rock. None of you saw that right?!
Sighing again she turns back. "Oh God!! Guys put on some clothes would ya!! This is not a stripping contest!"
A sly smile comes to her face as she starts to scribble in her notebook. Now this is a neat idea, but I'll have to find judges...
...realizes that she has gotten off topic once again.
A beat red Hiei slowly walks off...muttering about the thousands of mini Hiei's touching him. No amount of therapy will ever help that poor boy.
Clearing her throat the authoress walks over to the out-cold Kuwabara. Now, pulls the sleeping lad to a standing position, no matter how hard you try there will be evil fan girls, boys, friends and...apparently...er...yourselves that will attack you no matter what.
Sadly this is yet another danger in the human world. But being attacked is better then prison...
...or so I have heard.
OK so did this course help any? Or did it utterly confuse you? Press the tiny blue button and tell me how it's helped you.